animedeprived: Only one more chapter! What are we going to do? Probably write another series, that's what. I'll probably do Majora's Mask. I need to play it again and take extensive notes, though, because I can't remember all the side quests. I hate side quests.

Link: animedeprived does not own Mountain Dew, though she owns a mountain and there is dew on it. Does that count? She also doesn't own the Wizard of Oz. You should read the books. They're really good.

The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Ocarina of Time

Chapter 13

Ganon's Tower: part 1

Day 7 years + 75 - Hyrule Field
So stunned at Nabooru hitting on me that forgot all about peach pie I got. Been fermenting in heat for thirteen days. Will eat it anyway.

Day 7 years + 76 - ?
Whooo...can't schee schtraight...(hic) purty culors go (hic) roun' and roun' and roun'...
Whoopsh. Think jush tripp'd over Faihry...

Day 7 years + 78 - Lake Hylia
Woke up on roof of lab naked and talking to crow. Or was it flying hippo?
Anyway, no...more...pie...

Day 7 years + 79
Faintly remember vision of fat old Sage telling me to go to Temple of Time. Not sure if really happened or if was result of alcoholic pie.
Going because I'm bored, not because fat guy said so. He gave me nasty pie.

Day 7 years + 80 - Temple of Time
Have never been so relieved in entire lifetime.
Found out Shiek is Zelda who vanished for seven years and still didn't think to bring me candy. Still, relieved I'm not gay. Got light arrows to beat Ganon with. Zelda then kidnaped by Ganon, who said I have to beat him to get her back.
Come on, who didn't see that coming?
Am now wondering how Zelda fit big poofy skirt in skintight pants.
Oh, yeah.
Magic.

Day 7 years + 83 - Gerudo's Fortress
Decided to give Ganon and Zelda time to work out issues. Went on quest for ice arrows. Hardest part was maze to chest. Almost fell asleep, but was kept awake by hope of finding dark chocolate. Didn't.
Ice arrows useless. All they do is freeze octopussessesesses... Regular arrows kill them.
Let's all say it together. Waste. Of. Magic.

Day 7 years + 83 - Lake Hylia
Fairy v. annoying. Every five minutes, "Save Princess, Save Princess." Wonder if nasty acidic taste as bad as I remember.
Reduced to shooting crows with ice arrows for entertainment. Relieve tedium by shooting bottle of milk with ice arrow to make ice cream. Have massive ice cream headache. Definitely time to go.

Day 7 years + 85 - Ganon's Tower
Wow. Ganon redecorated BIG TIME. Wonder how castle floats over lava like that. Wish I could.
Sages made rainbow bridge to castle for me. Umm...guys, this isn't a Saturday morning cartoon for ten-year-olds. Can I get something a little more butch. You know, flaming skulls and wicked righteous swords and stuff. Besides, bridge is see-through. How do I know it's safe? Are Sages trained architects?

Day 7 years + 85
Went to mini-Shadow Temple first to get new gloves (remember it from cheat book). Are covered in gold. Ew. These are, like, ultra tacky. "Gag me with my sharp and pointy Biggoron Sword" kind of tacky. Would rather burn flesh off hands in Death Mountain Crater than wear these, but have no choice. Was it so hard to include "change gloves" feature?

Day 7 years + 85
Went outside and moved block that's three times my height and five times my weight. Despite power of nasty gloves, almost got hernia. Am v. concerned about hernias. Not sure why, as never seem to have time (or ability) to sit.

Day 7 years + 85
Fount Great Fairy behind huge rock. Gave me fudge, rock candy, cake, iced brownies, dark chocolate, Mountain Dew, hot cocoa, ice cream, cookies, licorice, jaw breakers, suckers, s'mores, donuts, and gummy bears. Love biting heads off gummy bears. It makes them squirm.
Ate everything and got super-charged with sugary sweetness! Now only take half damage. Sweet action!

Day 7 years + 85
Almost done beating mini-Temples. In Shadow again. (No, didn't beat it while in here before. That would be out of order Temples are in. To deviate is to cause myself great discomfort. OCD and all that).
So far, Sage-hallucinations nag me to hurry up. Thought they were better than that. They gave me pie...
Oh, great, here comes smelly bodyguard Impa to nag me.

Day 7 years + 85
Love Impa (in platonic, sibling-ish way). Only said to protect Princess. Even said please! Don't think anyone else in stupid country ever said please! Or thank you! Stupid people and their ungratitude..

Day 7 years + 85
Beat mini-Spirit Temple. Shield around inner tower flashed and vanished. V. pretty. Like magical lightning fireworks.
And now we're off to see the Wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz. Ding, dong, the witch is dead!
What's that?
OMG! Ganon locked up entire country's supply of candy in vault.Sign on door says "For counting, not eating"! This is the last straw! Can put up with making world evil. Can put up with his candy pranks. Can put up with his kidnapping Zelda (she's naggy anyway). But hoarding good candy?
Now it's personal.