animedeprived: I think I'm gonna cry. THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! It's horrible. There's going to be a void in my life from now on, or at least until I start on my next fic, which will hopefully be this week. No, it won't be Majora's Mask. That one's going to take a while to coordinate, with all the side quests and the fact that I can't remember much of it. I'll try to start playing it next weekend.

Link: For the final time, animedeprived does not own the Legend of Zelda series. Or Hershey's Kisses. That's all I have to say. If you'll excuse me, I have to ride off into the sunset on Epona with animedeprived. Such is a fitting ending for this noble fanfiction.

animedeprived: P.S. I went back and actually wrote this while fighting Ganon. Everything in the fight here actually happened while I was playing. Man, I've gotten rusty. He hit me more this time than the first time I played. Stupid Ganon.

The Legend of Zelda: Sugarhigh Ocarina of Time

Chapter 14

Ganon's Tower: part 2

Day 7 years + 85 - Ganon's Tower (still)
In dimly lit room with flaming kamikaze bats. Killed two bats with one swing. Righteous.
Went up staircase covered in red shag carpet. Always suspected Ganon was gay.

Day 7 years + 85
Found room with two lizard things in it. Stupid lizards and their annoying shrieks that get worse when they're dying slowly. At least they don't twitch like dead hand from well did.
Went through door and found more stairs. Fear this is beginning of long, tedious pattern.

Day 7 years + 85
This is unexpected. Found chest that's surrounded by flame wall. It's ugly blue and gold chest with Boss Key inside. Didn't think I needed one of those. Was fascinated by flaming wall, but have learned to resist urge to touch.
Skeletons rose up from floor. Killed them. Took ten seconds each. Got Key.
Beating dungeon in GDT harder than this.

Day 7 years + 85
As predicted, more stairs.

Day 7 years + 85
Smoldering crap on a stick! Found room with two Iron Knuckles!
ONE IS BAD ENOUGH!
Thankfully, have recently acquired daytime ninja skills. Work well in dim torchlight, too. Used them to sneak up on monsters and poke one awake at a time. After that, was just a matter of back flips and jump attacks. Hooray for gymnastic camp in 3rd grade. And I used to wonder what good it would do me in the future.
And ta-da. More stairs. Hear faint organ music.

Day 7 years + 85
Last room only had pots in it. After, found ANOTHER staircase. No...more...stairs...
Organ music got louder as I walked up stairs covered in red velvet carpet. Wonder if this is where I meet Phantom of the Opera.

Day 7 years + 85
Found door at top of stairs. Opened door and saw Ganon trying on frilly pink dresses with Zelda. Closed door and knocked. Reopened door when frantic rustling stopped.

Day 7 years + 85
Ganon babbling on about something. Noticed he's still wearing eyeshadow. Made some glowy stuff happen, talked about Triforce and how he wants it and I better give it to him. You know, standard end-of-game, tie-up-all-loose-ends, villain's-last-time-to-rant-about-his-evil-plot kind of stuff. Wish had chocolate to pass the time.

Day 7 years + 85
Ready...FIGHT!
Fairy said she can't help. Evil is too strong.
YES! Have been waiting for this for seven years! Can't believe my dream's finally coming true! FAIRY IS FINALLY GOING TO SHUT UP AND LET ME KICK BUTT MY WAY!

Day 7 years + 85
Dude, that was pathetic. I was getting my butt whooped and jumped down to break jars and recharge. Then came back up and it took ONE hit to kill him!
Had a good volley going on that last exchange, though. Hit it about 12 times each, and that's after I supercharged it with spin attack.
Ew, Ganon puke.

Day 7 years + 85
Wait, what's he doing now? Ganon shouting and made rumbly noise. This does not bode well.
Oh, well, who cares? Here comes Zelda. I can see up her dress!
OMG! SHE HAS NO FEET!

Day 7 years + 85
Asked Zelda why she didn't have feet. Used pending collapse of tower and urgent need to escape as excuse to avoid answering. On way down first ramp, discovered that she squeals if you jump up and land in front of her. Heh, heh.

Day 7 years + 85
OOoooo... Flaming rocks.
Whoops. Fell off side of building. Wouldn't have happened if Princess hadn't been hogging walkway. Do all Princesses act this way, or just the ones I know?

Day 7 years + 85
Oh, crap. Stupid Zelda got caught in firewall. Thought Impa taught her ninja skills so she could avoid stuff like this.

Day 7 years + 85
Ahhhh! ZOMBIE! It's got me! Stupid Princess! DO SOMETHING! I know you have mad ninja skills! You've been using them to stalk me for the past 85 days!

Day 7 years + 85
Watched tower crumble to ruin...with candy hoard still inside. It never even had a chance to get eaten.
Will be mourning this loss for years.

Day 7 years + 85
Oh, great. Heard thump coming from ruins of tower. Guess I didn't kill Ganon completely dead after all.

Day 7 years + 85
Firewall sprang up around ruin and look who it is. Ganon flew out of ruins and transformed. Is now even uglier. Didn't think that was possible. Learn something new every day.
Lost my Master Sword. Eh. Biggoron Sword better anyway.
Oh, yeah. Fairy's helping again. We're saved.

Day 7 years + 85
Wow. Ganon really stupid. Keep turning when he turns and poking his tail with my sword. Idiot doesn't realize that if he did one-eighty, he would get me.
Maybe I shouldn't be writing journal entry during epic battle that decides fate of entire known universe.

Day 7 years + 85
Beat Ganon down in two minutes and got Master Sword back. Zelda spouted something about beating evil with sacred sword. Whatever.
Interesting. Can't walk off edge of platform into pit of lava.\
But I wanted to...

Day 7 years + 85
Predictably, firewall flared up again after I reentered ruins. Poked Ganon in tail with my sword to get him on his feet, then proceeded to beat him down again. Hasn't touched me once.

Day 7 years + 85
Ow. I've been touched.

Day 7 years + 85
Beam of light whammed into Ganon when he fell again. Came from Zelda. Isn't she sooo special.

Day 7 years + 85
Performed delicate brain surgery on Ganon.
With my sword.
My glowing and oh-so-sharp-and-pointy sword.

Day 7 years + 85
Zelda and other Sages summoned rain of pretty colors and sealed Ganon in Sacred Realm. Was quite pretty to watch.
Suspect Ganon is upset.

Day 7 years + 85
Found myself floating in sky with Zelda. She said thank you! FINALLY! Blamed everything on herself, which was good because everything was her fault. If she had just given him candy like I suggested thirteen chapters ago, none of this would have happened.
Told me to fork over blue Ocarina and put Master Sword back in pedestal. Feel like King Arthur right before he died. Not cool.

Day 7 years + 85
Woah, wait a second! She's making me a kid again? That's it? No "Thanks for saving our sorry butts, Link" candy gift basket? No dark chocolate and pie! We had an understanding! I kick monster butt, I get dark chocolate and pie! Now I won't even be able to reach the candy I put on the top shelf in my house to keep the stupid forest elves from eating it. And the bears.
Didn't even get a kiss! Not one Hershey's kiss!

Day 7 years + 85
Suddenly smells like rotten eggs up here. Asked Zelda if she farted. She turned bright red and started playing Song of Time.

And now, for everyone's favorite part...
The credits!

Written by animedeprived

Directed byanimedeprived

With help from
animedeprived's brother (who gave me some REALLY good lines)
animedeprived's cousins
kittiprincess
Marik
Ishizu
animedeprived's "friends"
and
most unfortunately,
the stalker
all of whom contributed to my funny and sometimes creepy randomness, which made this fic possible.

Main character Link
Other charactersWho cares? Link's the only one worth paying attention to.

And thanks to all the monkey in the world, just for being monkeys.

Last but not least, thanks to you guys, my loyal audience (and the stalker), who made this my most popular fic by far. You guys are the awesomest. I did it all for you.
(Ok, so a little of it was for me).

And now, for a final word.

Meow.