AN: Nope, still don't own Teen Titans. Try again later!
Chapter 10: Girl Talk
Raven wasn't sure if she had heard him correctly. She had felt her heart practically stop and a wave of even more confusion sweep over her. "You… you love me?" she asked innocently.
"Yeah, I do," he said, smiling.
Ravens eyes went wide and she suddenly got up off the couch. Before Beast Boy could say anything she phased up to her room. Beast Boy sat up and suddenly his fatigue had disappeared and he realized he had just done something very stupid. He told Raven how he felt. He had to talk to her. He quickly got up and ran upstairs.
Raven arrived in her room and began to pace around. Things began to fly around and she tried to make sense of what she had just heard. Beast Boy was in love with her? How was that possible! How could he love her? She wasn't anything special; therefore she should even be given a second thought. He must have been drunk. He must have been overtired. There had to be a reason!
Beast Boy arrived at her door and knocked. "Rae, can we please talk?" he asked.
"It's Raven, and not right now," said Raven in shaky voice.
"Please, we have to talk now," said Beast Boy.
"Gar, I'm very confused right now and you're drunk or tired or… something!" she said desperately.
"I'm not drunk!" he said through the door.
"Then you're high," she said back. "There is something unnatural in your system."
"Rae, just because I told you that I love you doesn't mean it's the result of something intoxicating in my system," he said, unable to believe all of those words had come out of his mouth. "What I said… I… I meant it." He heard something crash in her room. "Are you okay?"
"I'm not sure right now," she said very unsure. "I just need to be left alone, Gar. Just leave me alone."
Beast Boy rested his head against her door. "Rae, I love you," he said so she could hear it. "I never intended on telling you like this, but there it is. I'm in love with you."
It was quiet on the other side of the door. He wanted to know what she was thinking. Did she hate him? Was she as confused as he was about this whole love matter? What was going on in there!
"Gar, please, just leave me alone tonight," said Raven. "We'll talk in the morning, okay?"
Beast Boy sighed. "Okay," he said, defeated. "Good night."
"Good night," she said through her door and then it was silent again.
Beast Boy went back downstairs and sat down on the couch. He turned the television off and then leaned forward, putting his face in his hands. He felt like such an idiot. Of all of the ways to tell a girl you love them, it's not when you're half asleep and can't realize what you're saying. He knew he had ruined it.
He sat there for a long time, thinking, before finally going up to bed. He paused outside of Ravens door and heard nothing. He hoped she was okay. Slowly he moved away from her door and went to his own room and climbed into his bed. He was so tired and his head was so upset that he fell asleep into unsettling dreams that left him just as tired when he awoke the next morning.
As soon as he opened his eyes he knew it wasn't going to be a good day. He slowly crawled out of his bed and dragged his feet to the door. He opened it and saw that Ravens door was open, which meant she was already up. He felt his stomach twist in a bad way and then made his way down the stairs. He could hear someone talking and he recognized it as Ravens voice.
He turned the corner and walked through the living room to the kitchen. He saw Raven sitting at the table with a newspaper and teacup in front of her. She had the phone press up to her ear and was being held by her shoulder. She had a pad of paper with her also and was writing various things down. As soon as she realized Beast Boy was there she lowered her voice slightly and turned away from him.
"…Okay, thank you," she said and turned the phone off. She wrote a few more things down on her pad of paper and then took a sip of her tea. "Good morning."
"Uh, morning Rae," he said hesitantly.
"My name is Raven," she said in an almost business-like tone and stood up to get more tea.
"Oh, sorry," he said and sat down across from where she had been sitting.
She fixed her tea and sat back down at the table. "I'm moving out at the end of the week," said Raven calmly.
"What? No, why, you can't," he sputtered.
"I have three interviews set up for jobs and I'm going to see an apartment this afternoon," said Raven plainly.
"But I don't want you to leave!" he said.
"Gar, there's no way I can stay here if you love me," said Raven.
Beast Boy starred at her for a few seconds and then said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You should stay here because I love you."
"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," she said sighing.
"But why do you have to go?" he asked. "Just because I said I love you? Fine, I take it back. I don't want to, but I will if it'll make you feel comfortable then I will."
"Gar, the only reason you think you love me is because you have this need to take care of me," said Raven. "Once I'm gone you'll realize that your feelings for me weren't genuine and you'll finally be able to live normally. I'm doing neither of us any good by staying here."
"But you're happy here, I'm happy here," he said desperately. "You're always asking me if there is anything you can do for me. Well, this is all I ask of you. Please, don't leave. I swear I won't look at you any different than if we were just friends. I mean we are just friends. Just… please don't go!"
Raven sighed and stood up, grabbing all of her papers. "It's time we separated. I'm sorry, Gar." And then she went up to her room, leaving Beast Boy all alone in the kitchen with his thoughts.
Raven arrived in her room and set her papers down on her desk. She then sat down on her bed and placed her face in her hands. She had always planned on moving out sooner or later. This had been the plan all along. Then why did it feel wrong? Why did she feel like she was just springing this on Beast Boy, the one person who knew her better than she knew herself?
The truth was that she was still in shock from his admittance to the fact that he was in love with her and she was scared. No one had ever cared about her. No one had ever even liked her. And she had accepted that. But Beast Boy had put an end to all of that. He was changing her even more; he was changing her way of thinking. She hated change, and yet she couldn't stop. She was barely the girl she used to be.
She was quickly brought out of her thoughts by the sound of someone knocking on her door. She looked up and saw it slowly slide open. Beast Boy stood on the other side, looking like he was on the verge of heartbreak. She tried to put on a strong face, but it was pretty hard.
"Rae, I know that you want to leave," he said softly, walking into her room. "And I also know that there's nothing I can do to stop you. But if you're going to leave because I love you then at least let me talk to you about it. I don't want you leaving because you think that my loving you will change us."
"Gar, I'm leaving because it's the best thing for us," she said, looking away.
"No it isn't," he said, going over to her and getting on his knees in front of her, taking her hands. "I have never been happier in my entire life and you know that you feel the same. We go great together, Rae. We know everything about each other and we make each other happy. And I know you won't ever admit it, but I know you don't want to really leave. So, please, just think all of this through."
Raven wanted to cry, but she wouldn't have it. She was not a crier. But he was right, and she hated him for that. He had been right more and more often lately and she was getting scared. He did know her better than anyone else, and she knew him just as well.
"Alright, I'll think it over," she said softly. "Can you just leave me alone for a little while? So I can think?"
Beast Boy sighed and said, "Sure." He stood up and released her hands. Raven held her hands, trying to retain the warmth of his hands. He went to the door and left, closing the door behind him.
Raven let herself fall backwards so that she was now lying on her bed, her legs still hanging off of the bed. She was so confused; she wasn't sure what to do. And that was mostly because she didn't know if she felt anything for him. She had never felt love before, she had barely allowed herself to feel crushes, and so how was she to know if she liked him in that way or not? She decided to call the one person she thought may be able to help her. She grabbed her phone, the one in her room, and dialed her best girl friend's number.
"Hello, this is Kori Anders soon to be Kori Grayson."
"Hi Kori," said Raven in a shaky voice.
"Raven?" said Starfire. "Friend, how wonderful of you to call! I had a most wonderful time at the party yesterday."
"That's good," said Raven with a small smile.
"Friend, are you alright?" asked Starfire. "You sound… like you used to sound when we lived in the Titans Tower."
"Well, I kind of have a problem," said Raven, lying her head on one of her pillows.
"A problem?" asked Starfire. "Please, what is the matter? You were most happy yesterday."
"Gar dropped a bomb on me," said Raven sighing.
"He did what?" asked Starfire shocked. "He has blown you up? Are you alright? How big was this bomb?"
"No, no," said Raven, remembering that Starfire still didn't know many English phrases. "I mean, he told me something very shocking and now I'm not sure what to do."
"Oh," said Starfire understanding. "What did he tell you?"
"He told me he's in love with me," said Raven, suddenly feeling like she was going to cry.
"He did?" asked a shocked Starfire. "But, this is wonderful! Why are you upset?"
"Because I don't know what to do, now," said Raven, her voice cracking. "I don't know if I love him or if even like him in that way. We're best friends and I don't want to ruin that. I need all the friends I have and I just can't stand to lose one."
"Then you must decide if you love him or not," said Starfire.
"How do I do that?" asked Raven desperately. "I don't know what love feels like. How am I supposed to tell if I like him or not? I'm just so fucking confused!" At this she felt hot tears stream down her face and a sob rise in her throat.
"Friend, please, do not weep," said Starfire. "You must calm down in order to figure out your problem. I wish to help you."
"I know," said Raven, trying to calm down. Many things in her room were flying around and her windows began to open and shut with her powers. She took a few deep breaths in and did her best to calm down.
"Are you calm?" asked Starfire sweetly.
"I think I'm calm enough to talk," said Raven through her sobbing breaths.
"Wonderful, then let us begin trying to figure out if you love Garfield or not," said Starfire. "It is not as hard as you would think."
"It's not?" asked Raven, who really was clueless on the subject.
"No," said Starfire in a cheerful voice. "Now, I shall ask you some questions and you must answer truthfully."
"Okay," said Raven, finally calming herself down enough to stop the movement within her room.
"Do you feel comfortable with him?" asked Starfire.
Raven thought for a moment. She had fallen asleep in his arms many times and did like it when he wrapped his strong arms around her. "Yes."
"Do you trust him?" asked Starfire.
She thought about when she told him that she trusted him enough to change her into her pajamas when they had come home from the beach, even though he hadn't. She remembered when they had gone for the hike and she had trusted and followed him. "Yes."
"Do you fight all of the time?" asked Starfire.
Raven thought about all of their little arguments, but that was just it. They were little arguments that they forgot about a few minutes later. They never really fought. "No."
"Really?" asked Starfire.
"Kori," said Raven.
"Sorry!" said Starfire and she went back to her list of questions. "Do you talk about your problems and not just let them do the festering?"
"Where the hell are you getting these questions?" asked Raven.
"From one of my favorite magazines," said Starfire. "It was how I figured out I loved Richard. So I saved it to always remind me. Now, please, answer the question."
"Yes, we talk about everything to each other," said Raven. "We're very open."
"Do you find him attractive?" asked Starfire.
"Yes," said Raven, not really having to think about it.
"Does he make you happy?" asked Starfire.
"Yes," said Raven, again not really having to think about it.
"Well, that is the end of the magazine questions," said Starfire. "But now, I must tell you how I feel about Richard. Perhaps it will help you figure out if you love Beast Boy."
"Okay," said Raven.
"When Richard is near me, I feel a warmness pass over me and it is as if I have the static charge within me," said Starfire. "He makes me feel like I am the only person in the world and I would do anything for him. He is my best friend and I know I shall be with him for the rest of my life. Does that help at all?"
Raven thought for a moment. She was still a little confused, but slowly things were begging to clear. "Uh… how did I do on the magazine test thing?" she asked.
"Oh, I forgot," said Starfire and she added up Ravens score to see how she felt about Beast Boy. "Well, according to the magazine, you do love Beast Boy."
"I do love Beast Boy, but it's as a friend," said Raven. "How do I know if I love him like a… lover?"
"I am sorry, Raven," said Starfire. "But I can not answer that for you. It is something you must look into your heart and find out for yourself."
Raven sighed and took in all that Starfire had said. "Thanks Kori," she said in a tired voice.