The Shadow
Death Speaks Twice
Preshow:
"Well, that went well," Mirror said as she sat at the table on the stage, shield in hand.
"You'd think they'd like they we picked that episode and switched things around, but noooooo," Image said. Her shield was on the table, ready to be grabbed when necessary.
"At least this one has a bunch of characters. You get tired or reading about the same people all the time."
"I don't know," Image replied. "I'd like to think we're doing a good job with this. This is the last part, pulling out all the stops isn't a bad thing."
"Too bad they probably won't appreciate it." Mirror slid back in her purple director's chair to get comfortable.
"Have you noticed, throughout this fic, that we can time when they show up?"
"Yes, actually. It's dependant on how many people in the cast there are."
"So, three, two, one..."
Someone burst onto the stage.
The twins high fived.
Said person to enter the stage was Yagyu. Her auburn hair swished behind her as she made her way to the twins. Slamming her fists on the table, she demanded, "What kind of ditz do you think I am? I am not some sort of lovesick dingbat."
The twins sighed. "We had this conversation with Kayura last time. It was just the sign of the times, okay? Deal with it. We can't do anything about it."
"You're the authors of this fic, aren't you? You have artistic license and all that, don't you? You can change it!"
"No we can't," Mirror replied calmly.
"Why not!"
"Because if we did then it wouldn't be a Shadow episode," she replied simply.
Yagyu huffed, puffed, and stormed off the stage.
The next pair to come in were Date and Sanada. Any pleas they made to their respective parts fell on deaf ears, as well as a mountain of sugar and a veritable fog of shojo bubbles. Seeing that, they gave up and sulked off.
Jiro stormed in next.
"I'm a bad guy again!"
"Well," the freshly recovered twins said, "you didn't like being a regular guy in the last episode. So we made you the villain again."
"Damn it, that wasn't what I meant!" the white haired man shouted. "I didn't want to play a wuss!"
"You don't want to play villains, you don't want to play wusses, what kind of part do you want exactly," Image asked.
"The hero."
"Well, that part's taken," Mirror responded.
"Next!" Image called.
"Now they're making references to Gatekeeper: No Not Aki," Jiro muttered under his breath as he stormed off.
The green haired Naotoki was next. "I'm playing a wuss again! All I do is whine and complain about my head!"
"Yeah. So?"
"When do I get a meaty role, one where my character has some guts, some manhood?"
"This is the last episode. This is all you get."
Cursing, Naotoki stomped off.
"Were we expecting any others?" Mirror asked her twin.
"Dunno," Image said as she made herself comfortable.
Kujuurou walked in next. "What happens to me in this episode?"
The twins glanced at each other. "Whatever do you mean?" they asked innocently.
"Something happens to me. But my script doesn't say what. What happens to me?"
Smiles spread across their faces. "Nothing!" they say cheerily.
"I'm suddenly very worried," the scared man muttered.
"Now, really, Kujuurou, why would you be worried?"
"I'm getting out of here before you decide to do any MORE episodes."
"Well, that was relatively easy."
"Is Kayura going to show up?"
"After we scared the heck out of her last pre show? I don't think so."
"Good. Then we're done."
The twins looked to the camera and bowed.
"Thank you for putting up with us and our mediocre attempt at a comedy fic."
"We hope that you've been able to enjoy it; even if you've never heard of the Shadow."
"And now," they said in stereo. "On with the show!"
Death Speaks Twice
The organ produced its deafening chords, signaling for the last time the start of the show. The audience happily counted down the number of times left they would here that annoying instrument before they would no longer be vibrated by it. One down. Ten to go.
"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Ryo's voice followed, still eliciting happy sighs from his fans in the audience. "These dramatizations are designed to demonstrate forcibly to old and young alike, that crime does not pay." He paused. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aids the forces of law, and order, is in reality Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Lady Kayura, is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'Death Speaks Twice'."
The scene opened to a jail cell, inside which are two familiar faces.
"You were framed, Sehkmet. That bastard of an uncle of yours, Judge Ryo, framed you and stuck you in here." The voice was given by the one-eyed Dais. The camera obligingly looked to said man and then lowered to the bottom bunk to see the green-haired cellmate to whom Dais was speaking.
"So what if I was framed," Sehkmet snapped, staring at a picture on the wall. The picture revealed Nasutei, dressed in black mourning over a grave. Behind her was Sehkmet, also in black, and looking ashamed.
Well, well. Evidently Sehkmet kept his promise from "The White Legion". How he did that between shoots is beyond us. Nonetheless, we can't be too angry at him for that.
"Face it, Sehkmet," the gruff sounding Dais continued, ignoring our attention to detail, "you just don't have it in you to be an embezzler. Your uncle framed you." Dais played with something in his hands that the camera couldn't see in the shadows. "When I get out of here, I think I'll take you with me."
"No," Sehkmet answered harshly. "I won't. I was honest before I came to prison, and I'll stay honest, even when I get out."
Now there's an oxymoron.
"Weeeellll," Dais drawled out, "I guess it doesn't matter what's happening to your girlfriend then. I was going to pay her a visit when I got out of here tomorrow."
Faster than Dais, the camera, or the audience could see, Sehkmet pulled Dais out of the bunk and tossed him to the wall. Hand on Dais's throat, Sehkmet hissed, "Don't touch her. She's been through enough because of us. She doesn't need anymore grief."
Whoa. It looks like Dais acted well enough to actually get Sehkmet angry. Cool.
"Hey," Dais yelled, shoving Sehkmet off of him, "I was just going to give her a wedding gift!"
"Wedding gift?" Sehkmet looked more confused than angry.
"Yeah. She's getting married. To your blond bimbo of a brother, Sage."
"HEY!" came from off camera range.
Sehkmet slumped back into his bunk. "She's supposed to love me. She wouldn't just go and marry my brother." Sehkmet looked to Dais, hot fury in his eyes. "How do you know this?"
"Connections, connections," Dais retorted, hopping back up to his bunk. "Even in jail, I have a web of resources that stretch out and fetch whatever I need. A world wide web, if you will."
Groan.
"You say you're escaping tomorrow?" Sehkmet asked, his face hidden in the shadows of his cell.
"Yup."
"Is it a sure thing?"
"Yup. You coming with me?"
Silence was his reply.
The organ blasted. Nine to go.
The scene reopened in the prison exercise yard with crowds of tin cans within, prodding and poking their prisoners, lots of humans. Wait, what? Humans were prisoners and soldiers were guards. What's wrong with that picture?
Anywho, the camera zoomed in on Dais, who was literally dragging Sehkmet to a secluded corner of the yard.
"It's time, partner."
"I'm not your partner," Sehkmet hissed. "I'm not sure I want to go through with this."
A human guard was coming over. Why, it's Shuu, the strongest guard at the prison!
"Hey, Dais, you're not getting away with this."
"What would you know, dummy?" Dais muttered, pulling out a knife and driving it into Shuu's stomach.
Shuu fans protested. Loudly.
"You killed him!" Sehkmet shouted.
"I never did like that guard," Dais murmured before going back to his lines. "It's been a while since I've done any, but yes, I killed him."
Shuu fans were rioting in the audience.
"I'm not going with a killer!" Sehkmet protested.
"Yes," Dais replied. "You are."
THUNK!
Now Sehkmet fans were rioting, particularly Swiftgold.
Didn't they realize that the knife was rubber? Shuu was just fine!
Shuu fans started to calm down and take their seats. Especially when Shuu winked at the audience.
Besides, Sehkmet has a thick skull. A simple crack on the head wouldn't do any harm.
Sehkmet fans calmed down. Well maybe.
The organ resonated. Eight to go.
The next scene was of Cale blessedly behind the wheel of a car as he and Kayura drove around, seemingly aimlessly. They were listening to a radio broadcast. Yes, yes, we know. A radio show doing a radio broadcast? It's like being in a movie and watching TV.
Good, then you get the point.
"So," Kayura said lazily. "What are we doing again?"
"Oh, well." Cale turned onto a side road. "You see, that little radio drama you're listening to is about a jailbreak. I got a call from Sekhmet's brother Sage, ditz that he is, to come over." Cale glanced as his booklet; while driving at the same time to boot, and continued. "Apparently, there's a whole back story that I have to get into. Let's see, Sehkmet was arrested for embezzlement near on two years ago. His uncle, another ditz, Judge Ryo was the one to put him away. Now Sekky's escaped with a convicted killer named Dais. Sage is scared that because of that there's a threat to his family. Since the little coward can't handle it himself, I've been enlisted; and for reasons beyond my understanding, you're coming along."
Kayura grinned falsely and put on her sugary tones. "Oh, I wonder how Mia's doing! I haven't seen her in ages. Isn't she engaged to Sage now?"
Cale shrugged. "Like I follow those kinds of things. I wouldn't put it past the twins. Hell, they tried to make me love a twelve year old brat."
Kayura glared, but then sniffed haughtily. "I know. They tried to make me fall in love with an old geezer."
"Look who's talking."
"Geezer."
"Brat."
Um, excuse me? The script?
Repressing a sigh, Cale continued. "My suspicions are up. I know that Sehkmet wasn't above playing tricks on people. He was always trying to spike the tea; and I was always the one who ended up drinking it." Kayura giggled at the many memories. "But he's a joker, not a criminal. Not like that Dais." Ignoring the strangling cries off camera, Cale added, "Besides, why would he break out of jail with that one eyed murderer, anyway?"
Further comment was cast aside as the pair saw someone waving at them with a flashlight off the road.
"That must be Sage," Kayura muttered.
"Now there's a suspicious guy," Cale said lightly as he pulled over. When he got out of the car a flashlight was thrown into his face. Pulling out and rubbing away the indent, Cale calmly walked over to the blond man.
"What were you saying about me being suspicious?" Sage asked innocently.
"Oh, nothing. Let's talk as we walk, shall we?"
"Yes, let's," Kayura added when she saw the impending battle. She grabbed a wrist a piece and started dragging them. "So, has anything happened since you called?"
"Well, Sek's in the house right now."
"Eh!" Yes! They both did the double take successfully! Alright! Finally!
"It's serious," Sage continued, ignoring the good acting being displayed. "He's accusing Uncle Ryo of forcing Nasutei to marry me." Sage turned beat red as he continued. "Cale, you know me."
"Boy, do I."
"Shut up. You know Nasutei, too. Nobody forces her into anything. I wouldn't force her to do anything. She'd kill me if I did. Sehkmet doesn't stand a chance. Besides, after spending two years in jail, well, that kind of thing changes a man. I called you so you could convince him to turn himself in."
Kayura stopped walking and turned around. "YOU want HIM to convince Sehkmet to turn himself in."
Sage nodded.
"You really are a coward."
Sage would have thrown something at her, but he knew that that would mean immediate death. He wasn't about to face that.
"And Dais?" Cale asked.
"Who?"
"The guy you're little Sekky escaped with?"
"Oh," Sage replied. "I haven't seen him at all. In fact, I haven't seen Sehkmet either." Kayura and Cale gaped at him. "I've only heard him in the house." Sage bit out his last words. "I didn't think he would want to see me."
"Coward."
The organ let loose again. One more down! Now we're down to... er... damn. Lost count already! Seven, isn't it?
At the house, Kayura shuddered. It was a creepy looking old mansion that belonged in a ghost film, not a mystery drama. Towering and old, Kayura could just feel the presence of many unhappy spirits within.
"Now who's the coward?" Sage muttered.
Kayura's staff found his head.
Moving on, the trio entered into the house to hear arguing. In fact, the voices were that of Sehkmet and Ryo. Sehkmet sounded very, very angry, and Ryo sounded rather scared.
"I'm NOT scared of snakes!" The sound guy was lucky this was the last episode. That slip up would get him fired normally.
Sage merely continued with his lines.
"I'm not sure we should go in right now. We might startle Sehkmet."
"Wise decision," Cale agreed, taking in the raising volume of the argument. "Odd, since wisdom isn't exactly your thing."
Sage's fist found Cale's face. Or it would have if Cale hadn't blocked. After all, he didn't know what was going to happen to him in the next scene, so he had to keep his guard up.
Kayura ignored the both of them and kept her staff handy. The spirits in the house were restless and the arguing didn't help matters much.
"Sehkmet!" the muffled voice of Ryo filtered through the heavy oak door. "What are you doing! Sek! Sek!"
BANG!
BANG, BANG!
That didn't sound promising.
"Now would be a good time to go in," Kayura growled, somehow maintaining a girly quality to her voice
"Indeed," Cale agreed, opening the door.
Sage merely growled, imagining all sorts of torture for the twins who were writing the fic. A very large frying pan landed on his head.
So there.
"It's Ryo!" Kayura declared.
"And he's dead," Cale stated, kneeling over the body.
Lots and lots of Ryo fans started to strangle Mirror. Ryo's voice calmed them however.
"MIRROR I'M GONNA KILL YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!"
The Ryo fans cheered and reseated themselves, leaving poor Mirror swirly-eyed as she tried very hard to write the scene.
Sage, meanwhile, surveyed the room and went to the open window. "It looks like Sehkmet killed Uncle Ryo and left through this window," he stated, refusing to actually act.
Spoil sport.
"Could you be wrong, Cale," Sage asked, while Kayura used her staff to transport Ryo's "corpse" away. "You thought Sehkmet wasn't capable of this kind of thing."
"Of course Cale is wrong," Kayura replied irritated. "He's always wrong about everything."
"I'll go call the police," Sage grunted, leaving the room.
"But then," Kayura continued, not listening to her lack of an audience, "Cale is the hero, so he should be right all the time. Unfortunately, these dramas neglect to say how useful the female companions are, since women are the smarter sex. . ."
"Not so fast," Cale interrupted, leaning out the window. "There aren't any footprints on the ground here. That means the window wasn't the escape route."
Kayura paled, hugging her shakujo closer to her. "That means there's a murderer in the house."
"Oh hell."
BANG!
Silence.
Sage! Say your lines!
Sage grunted, "Cale! Cale! Help!" So much for acting.
Cale smiled cruelly. He wasn't going to budge unless Sage really needed help. Sage didn't really sound all that desperate at the moment, so he sat down to relax. Kayura, meanwhile, was antsy. The spirits weren't acting very friendly at the moment.
Cale lounged back in the chair, tipping his fedora over his eyes and relaxed back for a nap.
"Cale! Cale, you jerk, get down here!"
Cale didn't budge.
Kayura did. She grabbed Cale's arm and pulled him along.
"Hey!"
"Just get down there!" She snapped. "Don't extend this episode more than it has to!"
Well, she did have a point. . .
Organ blast! Six to go!
Cale and Kayura had searched the entire first floor, but there was not sign of Sage.
Finally, Kayura lost her patience. "Damn it, blondie! Where are you? This isn't a game of hide and seek you know!"
"Down here!" Sage's voice filtered from somewhere.
"Down where?"
"The basement!"
Cale and Kayura looked at each other. What the heck was he doing in the basement? Finding the right door, they went down the stairs. The basement was large by anyone's standards, and filled with boxes and odd items. Sage was crouched behind an icebox and a fuse box.
"Cowering?" Cale asked glibly.
"I was just shot at," Sage shot back.
"You were shot. In the basement."
"I was about to call the cops about uncle's murder," Sage explained, refusing to get up. "I 'heard a noise' and went down to investigate. Then my dear brother Sehkmet took a pot shot at me."
The creepy vibes Kayura was feeling started to get more agitated, and Kayura took a hint and kneeled down by Sage. The icebox actually provided a lot of cover.
Cale would have none of this, however. "You're stupid as well as a coward?" the scared man sneered. "The twins are writing this fic. You should know better than anyone that if there's a noise, there's a reason. This fic in particular."
"Are you hurt?" Kayura asked, looking around suspiciously.
"No. I ducked."
"Then why are you complaining in the first place?" Cale demanded. "If you're not hurt, then why'd you even drag us down here in the first place?"
"I'm following the script," Sage spat. "Unlike someone I know."
Kayura shrank down even further behind the icebox. "Where did Sehkmet go?" she asked tentatively. The creeps seemed twice as bad down here.
"I don't know, I was to busy ducking. The window I think."
"Useless as well as stupid and cowardly," Cale muttered. "And here I thought--"
BANG!
Everyone froze. Then they blinked. Then they froze again. Cale looked down to see his arm was bleeding. "I was shot?" He pulled back his coat and rolled up his sleeve as high as it could go. "I was shot!" Cale glared at the camera. "Those damn twins are--"
Any of Cale's four hundred years worth of experience in swearing was cut off as Kayura banged him on the head.
"It was your own fault for dodging a bullet in the first episode!"
"The script should have warned me!" Cale shouted. He looked to Sage, but he was whistling and looking distracted. Cale would have to apologize first before Sage healed him.
"Like hell I will!"
"Guys!" Sage shouted over the bickering pair. "Shouldn't we get out of here before Sehk shoots us again?"
Everyone agreed to the logic and got the heck out of the basement.
"Well?" Cale spat at Sage.
"I'll go call a doctor along with the police," Sage replied, headed for the telephone.
"Well, I suppose we should get you to a bedroom, maybe you should check to make sure your ego wasn't damaged too much?"
"Shut. Up."
"Yep, I'd say your ego took some very serious damage."
Kayura, her nerves shot as it was--er, not pun intended--deliberately grabbed Cale's bad arm and dragged him upstairs and into the first bedroom she found. She all but threw him onto the bed and crossed her arms.
Cale was about to retort, but he paused.
"What? Can't think of anything?" Kayura demanded.
"No," Cale replied. Incidentally, the bleeding at already stopped. All he got was a scratch. "I hear something."
The room fell silent as the both listened. Indeed, there was a muffled noise coming from somewhere. The closet?
Kayura strode over and pulled open the door, only to have Mia, tied and gagged, fall out of it.
"Oh, it's one of THOSE episodes." Hauling her to her feet, Kayura cut her loose and helped her to the bed.
"That jerk!" she shouted once her gag was gone. "That big fat jerk! I thought he was trying to make amends!" Kayura put a hand on her fellow girl's shoulder. Cale just sort of gaped, uncertain how to react. "I opened the door, and Sehkmet and some guy were standing there. He acted like he didn't know where he was, the faker. And he let the one eyed jerk bonk me on the head! I thought he was really sorry! I'm going to kill him! Where's uncle Ryo? I want to press charges!"
This Cale knew what to say as he glanced at his booklet. "Well, that'll be a little hard."
"Why?" Mia demanded, ready to inflict bodily pain if he gave the wrong answer.
Cale smirked. "He's dead."
The organ rang out again, ticking away one more bout of torture. Five to go.
The scene reopened in the library where Uncle Ryo had been killed. Commissioner Doji and his pulsing vein were trying to get a word in edgewise while Mia continued to talk. And talk, and talk, and talk.
"That snake is a jerk, but he wouldn't kill anyone! That's about the only thing about him I trust!" Mia was pointing her finger into Doji's face, looking furious. "It's not the snake who you should be chasing, it's that white-haired one-eyed clot that conked me on the head and stuffed me in the closet! The snake didn't even seem to know where he was, let alone who he was, so WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!"
Doji took his chance to actually say something. "Because it was probably your ex that killed your uncle, not Dais and we need YOU to tell us were the snake is!"
"I'm the only one who'll kill that snake!" Mia shouted.
Such was the way of the argument for several minutes.
Cale and Kayura watched the byplay, looking very much like spectators at a tennis match. What was most amazing was that Mia and Doji didn't notice at all that they were reiterating the same arguments over and over again.
Cale slumped down into the couch, deciding that standing with a bullet-wound wasn't a good idea.
Baby. He's only got a scratch.
Kayura, meanwhile, leaned back against a table, seeking to rest her aching feet from several episodes in the most torturous Western creation: High heels. The spirits in the house weren't helping matters, as they were always so tense. Her hand hit some sort of switch, and a new set of voices was heard, just barely, over Doji and Mia.
"You lose this round, Ryo," came Kayura's voice. "You know what to do."
Kayura and Cale looked around, feeling that the voice was somehow familiar.
"Fine, fine," Ryo's voice filtered in. "You got my shirt. But I'm not the only one. Sage, you just lost your tie. Cale, you're socks."
"Why is it the girls never seem to loose anything in poker?" Sage's voice asked.
That didn't exactly sound like Gin. It sounded more like strip-poker.
What were they thinking?
"What is that?" Kayura whispered, leaning over to Cale in an attempt to be heard over the still arguing Mia and Doji. Don't those two ever stop?
Sage walked over and supplied the answer. "My hobby. I like to record peoples voices and play them back as a joke. It's like those silly reality TV shows that happen about seventy years from now."
Cale's eyes narrowed briefly.
Kayura, however, noted that the spirits in the room were definitely trying to tell her something right now. It had to do with the topic of conversation, but since there were two conversations going on (one heated and one quiet) she wasn't sure what they wanted.
"Commissioner Doji," Cale interrupted the arguing couple.
"WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!"
"Doji," Cale repeated, "what was Dais in the penitentiary for anyway?"
"Judge Ryo convicted him of murder."
"Interesting."
"Don't go there, Cale," Doji replied hotly, his vein pulsing even more than usual. "Sehkmet committed this murder, and that's that!"
The organ made its presence known. Four to go.
"Have you noticed we're skipping the commercial this episode?" Kayura asked. She and Cale were back in Mia's bedroom. Cale was eyeing something out the window, refusing to lift his gaze from it. Kayura was sending out her staff's energy to try and sooth all the creepy spirit vibes she was getting from the house. It was almost working.
"I can only guess that they ran out of things to BS about," Cale replied in a monotone voice.
He'd be right.
"What is so fascinating about that window?" Kayura demanded, her work done.
"Mia's going to find Sehkmet."
"How would you know?" Kayura asked.
"She's supposed to love him in this epidsode."
"She's doing a great job of showing it," Kayura muttered to herself.
Cale ignored her. "Why is completely beyond me. At least it's a better choice than that blond." Certain choking noises off camera filtered in, and just as quickly faded away. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Ah, just like I said."
"What? What?" Kayura got up and walked over to Cale. She hopped up to see over his shoulder, but to no avail. Giving up, she used the staff like a crowbar and pried Cale away from the window. True to his word, Mia was tiptoeing across the backyard toward the cliffs behind it. Did we mention the cliffs? Let us mention them now. See, the house, situated far back from the road, was nestled from a set of cliffs that overlooked the ocean. Mia was headed to the cliffs.
Cale had an arrogant smirk on his face, glad that Lamont Cranston had finally made a good observation. "Well?" he asked.
"Well what?" Kayura replied. She kept watch as Mia disappeared behind some bushes.
"Aren't you going to follow her?"
Kayura stared at Cale. "Why me?"
The grin spread wider. "Well, for one, I'm injured."
"You call that scratch an injury?" Kayura demanded, ready to use her shakujo.
"And for another you haven't been put in any danger. Besides, you're always complaining about not getting any juicy screen time; here's you chance."
Kayura glared at her partner, furious that he had used her own logic against her. Resigning herself, she calmly jumped out the second story window, landing softly. Her staff in hand, she went off into the night as Cale watched her go.
Three to go. The organ rang through the audience and strove to grab their attention. But the audience had grown quite deaf to the thing and instead waited intently for the next scene.
Sehkmet looked around. Where had the twins dropped him off to this time? It looked like a cave of some sort. Ah, how did he get here? His head hurt. Why did the twins always make him a throbbing set of pain cells? He was so confused at the moment.
Wait a minute. He was lying in the dirt. That's not very good.
Sehkmet tried to get up, only his head started to spin again.
"What happened," he groaned. What had he done to deserve this?
He was casted.
"Bout time you woke up," growled Dais. "You've been in la-la land since we broke out of the big house."
"Big house?" Where had Sehkmet heard that phrase before?
"It means jail, you snake," Dais bit out. "After that 'everything's jake' line back in the first episode, you set a rather difficult standard for the rest of us. Now that I'm trying to make an attempt to be correct to the times, you don't recognize it. What is with you?"
Sehkmet said nothing, clutching hid head and tried to sit up again, this time succeeding, but at the price of what was originally a minor ache in his head. The twins were going to pay for putting him in this much pain and disorientation. He couldn't wait to get his hands around the twins' throats.
"Jail. The escape. Yeah, I think I remember that," Sehkmet muttered.
"While I was dragging your carcass down the sewers, you mentioned this cave," Dais continued. It sounded like he was shouting. "It's a nice place for hiding. Kinda chilly though, I would have thought that would bother you."
At this point, Sehkmet didn't feel much of anything.
"Well I've gotta find some food," the white haired man drawled on. "I'll be on my way."
Sehkmet was glad for the quiet. His head was still pounding. He needed to sort out a few things. He vaguely remembered Ryo's haunted house, but not much beyond that. Those twins were really going to suffer for this. . .
"SEHKMET!"
There went his eardrums.
"Quiet!" he shouted back. "I can't think straight as it is."
"You snake!"
Oh wait. That was Mia. She was supposed to be in love with him in this episode.
"Mia?" he called out.
"You snake! That one-eyed partner of yours bonked me on the head. How could you let him do that to me? And what about your promise not to hurt anyone again, huh?"
The promise he had made at her grandfather's gravesite.
"I haven't broken my promise," he replied. "Have I?"
"Ryo is dead!"
Sehkmet snapped his head towards her, immediately regretting the action. "What?"
"Why'd you go and do a thing like that?" Mia demanded, sitting down by him. Sehkmet didn't reply, instead holding his head in a vain attempt to stop the throbbing.
"Sehkmet?" Mia's voice softened as she leaned over to examine him.
Ah, how sweet.
Sehkmet made a rude gesture to camera.
Uncultured snake.
Mia ignored the little argument going on and noticed that there was blood behind one of Sehkmet's hears.
"Oh no," she muttered. "You weren't just faking, you really were out of it."
Sehkmet hissed. It took her till now to notice that?
"Great, just like they actually shot Cale. What are the twins thinking? This is too real and dangerous. Thankfully this is the last episode."
Sehkmet only heard one thing.
"Cale was shot? Is he alright?"
"Yes," Mia replied, pulling out a handkerchief and gently dabbing the crack on Sehkmet's head. "He's fine though. Just a scratch. He's such a big baby about it all."
"So, Cale's been shot."
"Yes."
"Ryo's been shot."
"Yes."
"Ryo is dead."
"Yes."
"Is Sage dead as well?"
"I wish."
"HEY!"
Sehkmet winced. "Thanks, Mia," he quietly said. Time to get back to the script. "Did I kill Ryo?" Sehkmet actually didn't know what the script held for him this time, mainly because most of his lines dealt with confusion.
"We don't know," Mia answered honestly. "It looks that way, but I am supposed to believe in your innocence."
Sehkmet's shoulders slumped. "Thanks for your support," he replied sarcastically. "We played in these caves as kids, right?"
"That's what the script says."
"Well, I was always pretty good in these caves," he continued. "I could always tell when someone was coming. Like right now."
Mia whirled around, seeing as Sehkmet didn't really have the head for quick movement at the moment.
"Kayura!"
Sehkmet groaned. Twelve-year-olds. What did he do to deserve this?
"Hush!" Kayura all but shouted. Her shakujo was out and she was approaching cautiously. "The twins don't realize it, but this is a haunted house. I'm trying to keep the spirits calm, but you aren't helping."
Her staff glowed briefly, and the crack behind Sehkmet's ear started to heal. Ah, to be out of pain. What a pleasant feeling.
"Thanks, Kayura."
"Don't thank me yet," Kayura growled. "I just need you two out of here and fast."
"Fine, but I'm taking Sehkmet with me," Mia replied, picking up the script again. "Ryo was forcing me to marry Sage. He was brainwashing me--"
"Mirror!" Ryo's anguished voice cried out.
"--and. I. Belong. With. Sehkmet." She grounded out.
"Tempting as it is," Kayura spat, "I need to keep an eye on everyone to protect them. That means you're coming with me to the house. The spirits here are even more hostile than up at the mansion."
"He owes me another trip to my grandfather's grave," Mia replied.
"Lovely," Sehkmet muttered.
"That ain't the half of it," came Dais's voice. Everyone whirled around. He was standing at the mouth of the cave, pointing a gun to everyone. "Sehkmet, you can't leave just yet. You're my ticket out of this script early."
"Huh?"
"I just called Doji. I give him to you, and I'll be on my way with my paycheck. Then I can start my long list of complaints with the twins about their typecasting me into the villain."
Everyone facefaulted. That wasn't what was supposed to happen! Still, Dais fans thought their hunk looked rather handsome at the moment.
"You buffoon!" Mia yelled. "Don't you get it? That's just what the twins want!"
Ano. . .
"Haven't you noticed at all that in this fic the twins have a self-deprecating humor?"
Mia. . .
"They make fun of themselves!"
Please stop that. . .
"By you going and starting your list of complaints, you're giving them just what they want!"
You're not supposed to give away our secrets. . .
"Are you really so stupid as to let the twins think they can get away with putting you in a fic like this again?"
Mia, please!
"Do you want them to continue this series with excerpts from the serial cliff hanger? Or the movie? This is the end, let it be so!"
A frying pan found Mia's head and she dodged it. However, our point was made and she kept quiet. She forgot that we can listen in to everything. Hehehehehehe.
Anyway, with that monologue out of the way, the rest of the cast got back to what they were supposed to be doing. After all, they wanted out of this fic badly. Without any sequels.
Dais cleared his throat, "So I'm supposed to turn Sehkmet in--"
to what?
"--and get my reward. I'll be on my way after that." Dais herded Mia, Sehkmet, and Kayura out of the cave and onto the path toward the house. "Let's go."
The organ blared, knowing that only two blasts were left.
Doji's vein was popping. That was never a good sign, because it meant he was experiencing either impatience, frustration, irritation, rage or, as was in this case, a combination of all of the above. He was pacing the house in an increasingly furious manner. He, like Kayura was feeling the restlessness of the house he was in, and to make matters worse, his only company was Ryo's corpse and Sage. The twins' two favorite characters. And he was just thrown into the mix for the hell of it.
Why him?
Because the twins were evil incarnate. At least that's what he thought.
Of course he's right, but we won't tell him that.
"I heard that."
Spoiled sport. Get to the script.
"Where the hell is everyone?" the Commissioner finally demanded. "Mia's MIA, Kayura's disappeared, and where the hell is Cale? You'd think that uppity amateur crime detective know-it-all would want to be here. You told me he wasn't hurt that badly."
Sage cracked a faint smile. "Who knows? He's always been a little strange; maybe his pride was too wounded for him to be here. That scratch must have stung so much."
Sage suddenly pitched forward, falling face first onto the ground.
"Sudden case of narcolepsy?" Commissioner Doji asked. A grin spread across his face.
"Something hit my head."
"Sure it did." The vein suddenly popped again as a thought reached Doji, and he started pacing again. "And where is that turncoat Dais? I get a phone call saying he's gonna turn in a murderer, and he has the audacity to be late. I should book him just for the heck of it."
"Do that and I'll turn right back." Sage and Doji turned around to see Dais. How he got into the house was anybody's guess. Did he pick the lock?
"I. Did. Not."
Okay, if you say so.
"Shut up!"
Moving on, with him were Kayura, Mia, and Sehkmet, who incidentally was holding his head. Under his breath he was cursing the twins for their shotty directing. The women looked furious, Dais looked smug, and Sehkmet was just trying to keep pace with everything. It felt like he had the mother of all hangovers.
"Here you go," Dais said loftily, shoving the green haired snake over to Commissioner Doji. "Here's the murderer of dear 'uncle' Ryo."
Doji smiled. "Another easy, open and shut case. I need more of those."
"Hmhmhmhmhnnnnnnnnnn," said a low voice. Doji looked around, and Dais just rolled his eyes. Mia and Kayura were a mix of the two. "I agree that this is an open and shut case, Commissioner. Just not the way you think it is."
Doji's vein pulsed and doubled in size. "What the hell are you doing here, Shadow?"
"To point out a few things, Commissioner," the Shadow said lightly.
Realization suddenly dawned on Sage's face. "Damnit, Cale! Er, Shadow! If you're going to hit me, let me see you so I can hit back!"
Yeah, like that was going to happen.
"Don't encourage him!" Sage cried out.
"Methinks the blond doth protest too much," said the Shadow smoothly. "You have witnesses to the murder, correct?"
Doji narrowed his eyes, not knowing where this was going. "Yes..."
"Did it sound like this?" There was the sound of a switch flipping.
"Sehkmet!" the muffled voice of Ryo filtered through the heavy oak door. "What are you doing! Sek! Sek!"
BANG!
BANG, BANG!
"Yes," Kayura said. "It sounded just like that. Exactly like that."
"You're so informative," the Shadow said with his silky voice. "What you just heard was merely a spliced recording. The first part was of an argument between Sehkmet and Ryo. The second part was of the actual murder."
Doji blinked. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!"
"Of course it is. But it's in the script. It conveniently points out the identity of the murderer."
Doji rolled his eyes, his vein large. "Really? How?"
Kayura pointed to Sage. "Because it's HIS hobby to record stuff. He had the opportunity."
Sage blinked. "You mean I'M the bad guy?"
"Sage," Doji said; an evil smile on his face. "You're under arrest for the murder of your uncle Ryo. Would you like me to read you your rights now or later?"
"I'm what?" Sage blinked again, the information sinking in. Then he jerked to the camera. "IMAGE! This is all your fault!"
So what if it is?
The young murderer's cried were muted as Doji calmly cuffed him, muttering something about resisting arrest being added to the charges. The blond kept his mouth shut, but he continued to glare at the camera. The organ sprang forth, and the audience waited in tense anticipation for the last and final blast.
Cale and Kayura were again in that spacious and rich looking mansion that Lamont Cranston liked to call home. They sat at opposite ends of a large, intricate sofa. Each had a different paper in their hands, reading with great interest and determined not to talk to each other.
But if they have any hopes of finishing this last sequence, they have to start talking some time.
Cale started first. "Well, things are going well. Sage confessed to everything, even the embezzlement that originally put Sehkmet behind bars."
"I WHAT?"
Speaking over Sage's voice, Cale continued. "I suspected him after hearing that strip poker recording--" Kayura grinned triumphantly. "--and Mia's now happily traveling with Sehkmet back to her grandfather's grave. There was no way Sehkmet could have killed anyone in the condition he was in, of course."
"Glad someone finally noticed," a certain snake's voice filtered in off camera.
"It was really an easy case."
Kayura suddenly have a smirk on her face. "Yes. It's too bad your ego was damaged in the process to make you realize everything when you did."
"Hey!"
The final organ blast! Yay! The audience is free, they're free! No more torture on screen! Now it's off to the premiere party to try and grab at everyone's respective hunks! Now, off! Go forth and be disturbed by this fic no more!
Why are you still here?
The End