Author's Note – okay, I know it was supposed to be a one-shot wonder but I spent my whole day at work today thinking about how it would have played out and this is the result.

Disclaimer – same as chapter 1, nothing belongs to me, etc, etc.

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'Sir? Can I just say that next time you tell me something's important? It Better. Damn Well. Be Important.'

Under the weight of his 2IC's fulminating glare, Jack found himself intimidated into nodding a slightly wary acceptance, although he still retained enough sense to make sure it was her who broke eye contact first. Normally he loved making her angry. Seeing her eyes flash (not in any snaky kinda way, obviously) and watching her self-control slip was right up there on his 'to do' list most mornings. Having said that, his finely honed self-preservation instincts were telling him he should be scared, very scared indeed, right about now.

After watching her stomp out of the infirmary (Well no, Carter doesn't actually stomp, he told himself, she does this sorta prowl, with menace, that is just way too sexy for words!) he turned back to his remaining team-mates. Daniel was gazing at him in open-mouthed astonishment and Teal'c had his own equivalent of a smirk going on.

'O'Neill. I believe you may have gravely offended Major Carter.'

'Yeah, you might be right.' He conceded, making a conscious effort to control his fear and dismissing the vaguest flicker of guilt that tried to make itself felt in the saner part of his brain with a quick shake of his head. He continued cheerfully, 'So, should we warn Siler?'

'For what reason should it be necessary to warn Master Sergeant Siler, O'Neill?'

Jack looked at the big Jaffa. Teal'c was one of his best buddies in the entire universe and, if really pushed, he'd probably admit to loving the guy but that didn't mean he knew jack-st about Earth women. In the same voice he used to explain elementary protocol to raw recruits, Jack explained, 'Because it's Siler she'll be taking it out on.'

Daniel's jaw snapped shut. 'Nooooo. I'm afraid I have to disagree there, Jack. Siler's certainly likely to be the next person to get his head bitten off, and I do think you have a moral obligation to warn him exactly why that's going to be happening, but she knows who she's really annoyed with, Jack, and that person, and that person alone, is ultimately going to pay.'

Jack's fear ratcheted up a notch, edging into the panic zone. Why, oh please God why, had he not taken more seriously the implications of aggravating Major Samantha Carter, dear friend and close ally of Dr Janet Fraiser, the woman who'd already threatened to drug him and abandon him naked in the gate room if he didn't toe the line?

It had seemed such a simple idea. Just change the properties on a Monopoly board for some of the places they'd visited over the years. Straightforward and plenty to choose from, he'd thought. And right there was where his problem had begun. There were actually so many to choose from that he'd had to narrow the choice by some other, slightly more selective, means. So he'd picked his favourites. Those places he had particularly fond memories of; the ones that made him smile, for whatever reason, when he thought of them.

He hadn't consciously recognised the pattern himself until he'd laid out his final choices but instead of having the good sense at that point to remedy the situation and add a few less well favoured planets to the board, to at least make it a little less obvious, he'd run with the idea until a lot of the Chance and Community Chest (or Unstable Wormhole and Interplanetary Alliance as they'd become on Jack's board) had also begun to take on a certain thematic similarity. The only excuse he could come up with was that, at the time, Dr Fraiser must still have been pumping him full of post-operative happy drugs

Despite that, the first few turns, and the resultant planets, had actually gone quite well. Daniel had asked him why he'd picked those particular ones and Jack had waved the questions off with a good stab at seeming quite casual about the whole thing 'Oh, it was Mayan, always had a thing for the Mayans! They were big on Astronomy, you know?' and 'Fish, Danny, ya gotta love a planet that's got fish!' No-one had said anything and he'd actually thought, for at least a few consecutive minutes, there was a chance he was the only one who ever needed to know there was any connection at all between these planets.

He was willing to concede that there had been a slightly strained moment when Teal'c had landed on Unstable Wormhole that first time and then read the card aloud to the rest of them. 'An under-dressed Tok'ra scientist makes a pass at you. Award yourself $10 compensation from the bank when she tells you the snake prefers someone else on an 'intellectual level'.'

'I do not understand, 'O'Neill?' The smallest hint of consternation had skittered across Tealc's face before he bent an enquiring gaze Jack's direction.

Daniel had coughed once, in a strangled and slightly unconvincing way, before leaping to his feet and mumbling something about needing a drink. He'd shut the door behind himself as he sped out of the room but Jack had been pretty sure he could still hear him laughing in the hallway.

Not wanting to meet Carter's inevitably puzzled gaze on his right, Jack stared straight back at Teal'c. 'Oh, just something I heard happened to … someone … once.'

The game had moved on. Teal'c had accepted the lame response, although Jack still suspected Carter knew she wasn't getting the whole truth of the matter, and removed the appropriate note from the 'bank'. Daniel had returned to the infirmary, wiping his still streaming eyes 'Sorry about that, guys, I think my allergies must be playing up.' before settling his glasses back on the bridge of his nose and resuming his seat on the end of Jack's bed.

Jack had glared at him, just the once, before letting it drop. He had to admit that it could have been worse.

After that, they'd each travelled several times around the board without incident. Teal'c had ended up on the jail planet and then had to be persuaded that it was not possible to exit prison by force in Monopoly but at least Daniel had stopped asking why he'd picked these particular planets, although he'd also had to go get several more 'drinks' from the hallway. The last time, Jack had shouted at him that he should come back via the Commissary with coffee from the rest of them if he was going to keep doing that. Even though coffee was officially supposed to be off Jack's menu and he'd had to suffer Teal'c giving him 'the look' again.

He'd actually been watching Sam covertly, and part of his brain was thinking that he did that a lot these days but he was trying not to put too much thought into the concept, when Daniel took his next turn and he'd seen her brow furrow as she repeated the name of the planet to herself a couple of times under her breath. She'd still looked puzzled and he certainly wasn't going to give her any clues. 'Sir? Wasn't that the planet where they traded women for livestock and you had to tell them I was your wife?'

Feigning his own patchy recall, Jack leaned back on the pillows, careful to balance the weight of the cast on his right. 'Was that that one, Major?' He allowed himself a moment of quiet reflection, 'You're probably right but it was a looong time ago and, well the memory just ain't what it used to be.' She turned a level gaze on him and he thought it might be prudent to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling for a moment. For whatever reason, she decided to let it pass.

Unfortunately, Jack's next throw had seen him land on Interplanetary Alliance. With his prior knowledge of some of the options he could encounter, he had proceeded with some degree of caution. 'Umm, well I don't think that can be right, how about I just pick another one?' Moving to place the offending card on the night-stand next to Teal'c, and making sure it was on the opposite side from Sam, he suddenly found himself pinned to the bed. 'Aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh! What the hell are you doing? Watch the cast, Carter!'

Mind you, the pain was probably an incredibly small price to pay for the fact that Major Samantha Carter was laying on top of him. In a bed, no less! Okay, he was in the infirmary and Teal'c and Daniel were less than three feet away but it was still a bed so this was a good thing by any standard he was prepared to apply. God, she smelled great! And she was the best combination of soft yet firm in all the right places …

It was while his mind was preoccupied with processing the wealth of information suddenly becoming available to him that he felt the card being wrenched out of his hand and Sam levered herself off him to stand by the bed.

'Ow! Next time you plan on jumping me, could you at least give me the chance to set the mood a little!' He'd been aiming at light-hearted but it might have been pitched a little high because Daniel was looking at him strangely now. Jack took the opportunity to adjust his blankets and casually moved the trolled table back into position over his mid-section. Daniel smothered another laugh, so Jack kicked him.

'Ow!'

Sam dismissed Jack's attempt at witty repartee with the contempt it deserved, 'Certainly, Sir. Now let's see exactly what this says, shall we?' Jack, keeping his eyes fixed on a point somewhere past Daniel's left elbow, knew exactly what was coming.

'You have to share body heat with your 2IC when trapped in Antarctica after the Stargate malfunctions. Your side-arm causes you more problems than your injuries. Pay $50 fine for not keeping the safety on your weapon at all times'

Oh God, he must have still been under the influence of the painkillers when he put that one in!

She looked at him, obviously trying to work out whether the card she was reading from actually said what she thought it said. Jack chose that moment to edge his good hand towards the pile of untouched cards on the board in front of him but she was too quick.

'Reflexes not what they used to be, hey Sir?' She retreated to a safe distance and began to scan the cards in her hands, letting those she'd finished with drop to the floor one by one.

'A member of your team harbours an alien in their home. Pay $30 into the Alpha Site car park for not picking 'He's building a stargate in her basement' in the betting pool.'

'I hate you, Sir.'

'When the SGC experiences a time loop event, you take the opportunity to tender your resignation and discover whether or not Major Carter tastes as good as she looks. She does. $200 fine for being a dirty old man.'

Oh, he'd definitely been still under the influence of his post-operative painkillers for that one. She was going to kill him.

Sam was deceptively quiet. 'You deliberately did that when you knew I wouldn't remember? You rat fink bastard, … ' he waited while the last word struggled through her gritted teeth, ' …Sir.'

Despite everything, he was still struggling to contain a grin. God he loved this woman!

'Your 2IC drinks local hooch while off-world and becomes extremely friendly towards you. Friendly enough to take off her … sweeeet! Pay $20 each to every player for lacking the maturity not to peek.'

She squeaked, and it was a very un-Carter-like sound. 'What the hell! You swore on your mother's grave you didn't peek, Sir!'

'But my mother's not dead, Carter, so how can that be binding?'

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Hope you liked it? When the muse taps me on the shoulder and shows me exactly how Sam's revenge pans out, I'll post it as another chapter.

Thanks for reading (any reviews gratefully appreciated!)