Crazy trouble with love part 9
BB and Shirou
Series: Fate Stay
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-Earth, Japan, Fuyuki City, Emiya Residence-
It was a rather boring day as Shirou got ready to head to school, feeling a little tired for some reason as he had a sinking feeling something bad was going to happen today. Although he chocked that up to Taiga making weird noises at night while he slept.
'Ugh...I really don't want to head to school today. It's like if I go...I might die in some horrible manner.' he thought while his hands trembled and shook with fear. 'This has never happened to me before. Maybe I should just forget about it and play hookie. Not like it'd really hurt.'
"Shirou!" Taiga called out while currently in the kitchen. "I'm hungry!"
"Coming!" He called out while feeling like Taiga was more cat than normal today.
"And Shirou, if you are thinking about playing hookie, think again! As your guardian, I will not allow that at all!"
'How did she know what I was thinking!?' he thought in shock before regaining his composure. 'No, she's just trying to get to you. Breathe Shirou, breathe.'
"I expect you right on time and not a second later when the bell rings!"
"Yes Taiga-nee!"
"And please make some eggs, I'm starving here!" she groaned while Shirou facepalmed at her gluttony.
'How she stays skinny with an appetite like that is one of life's greatest mysteries.' he thought before heading to the kitchen.
(Later)
-Miyama Town, Homurahara Academy-
Shirou grumbled as he was currently in the computer room, trying to relax after a long day of classes, and just wanting to try some programs to pass the time before returning home to feed his guardian's stomach.
And what was he doing by chance? Easy...Roulette.
And it was SO BORING!
"How does anyone enjoy this?" he muttered while playing the program, his eyes slowly closing from boredom. "It's like the black sheep of card games, and not the fun kind either."
As he finished the last set, he groaned and felt like trying to watch porn on the computer, the restrictions be damned, to stimulate his brain before he turned into a sheep.
"I wonder what else there is on this thing?" he muttered while clicking off the program. "I mean, a little peak wouldn't hurt anyone, right?"
As he looked around the computer's search engine and a few programs, he realized something important...the internet was a big place and that if he spent too much time here, he might accidentally get locked up until morning in the school.
'Ok, one quick search, then I'll stop. No distractions.' he thought while clicking on the keyboard, not realizing that the 'Enter' key was broken and jagged near the sides.
SQUISH!
Until said serrated side stabbed him in the thumb, causing him to bleed.
"OW!" he reeled back, holding his finger with a hiss. "Ow ow ow! Why would they keep a broken key like that!"
As he hissed in pain, he didn't realize that the blood was dripping into the keyboard or that said blood was right on top of a Summoning Circle, crudely carved into it by a mage decades ago. And well...the magical circle began to glow, for a few seconds before the screen began to turn a bright blue color and produce sparks of electricity.
ZAP!
ZAP!
ZAP!
"Woah!" he jumped to his feet and backed up. "Oh no, please don't tell me I broke it."
ZAP!
The screen quickly flickered before it went black...for about ten second as a title card appeared in pink and black that read 'BB Channel'.
"BB...what?" he muttered before it quickly transitioned to a small pink room with grid-like walls, a talk show like table and screen, and four black couches in the background. "Um...what am I looking at?"
"Ok. First I need to get the Moon Cell back in operation, especially after that saucy nun ruined everything, again." said a familiar voice, in Shirou's mind, from within the screen, off camera. "First my version of that nun ruins everything with senpai and then...another one shows up. Unbelievable."
Shirou blinked before seeing a tall pale skinned woman with long purple hair that went to her ankles, purple eyes, a I cup chest and wide hips, wearing a long black coat with long rounded sleeves and sporting a blue cube like symbol boarded by a silver hexagonal border on the left sleeve, a white shirt, white gloves, a red bowtie on her chest, a black mini skirt that exposes her white panties, black thigh high stockings with a slit going down the middle, low-heeled black shoes, a red ribbon tied to the left side of her head, and holding a black teacher's pointer in her left hand, walking into view, seemingly frustrated and just flustered. 'SAKURA!?'
"Mmmm. Maybe I should make another Advanced AI? Help fix the damages...or I could just get someone else to do it." she muttered before turning to Shirou, blinked and then did a double take. "EH!? W-What the heck!?" 'How is this possible, Chaldea...no, that guy wasn't in there...wait. He looks kinda familiar but I can't place my finger on it.'
"What is this? Some sort of live stream?" muttered Shirou looking it over. "Where's the exit button?"
"Who are you and how did you get this server? Wait." she muttered while moving closer to the screen and looked around. "The tacky attire, the old styled decor...oh my. This isn't the year 2032 AD now is it?"
"Wait what!?"
"Another time travel thing. And here I thought Chaldea had that in the bag." she said before chuckling. "So, how may I help you? Are you trying to change the past with future trivia, because that's so stupid of you~"
"...this is a surreal simulator." he muttered before he tried moving the cursor around. "Better close this off and get out of here."
The woman looked at the cursor with amusement before hitting it with her pointer, sending it falling right on the ground with a heavy thud. "Perv~ Trying to poke my certified Danger-Cup sized chest~"
Shirou's eyes widened as he tried to move the cursor again, only for her to wack it with her pointer several times.
"Persistent aren't we? Sorry, this is not a dating simulator or anything like that. It's all real...in a way. Rules from the real world are non-existent here in the data world." she chuckled. "But if you stop trying to turn-"
Click.
"Ah, fin-"
Booop.
"Hey! Don't just turn the screen off while I'm talking!" she yelled while her eyes turned red momentarily. "That is extremely rude, you know."
"This is just some weird game, it has to be." he muttered before he tried turning the power off.
But it didn't turn off as the girl deadpanned at him.
"Keep that up and I'll follow you right through that screen! Moon Cell be damned!"
He paled and gulped. "H-How is this happening?"
"Simple, somehow you connected to the Moon Cell, several centuries or so from your point in history. But since you are thinking I'm just a simple program, which I technically am, I'll just have some fun with you." she smirked before moving her right hand out towards the screen.
ZAP!
SQUISH!
And grabbed the edge of the computer as she pulled herself out of the machine and stepped right out, standing right next to Shirou as she smirked at his fearful expression.
"See. Told you I would follow you right out of the screen." she chuckled as the screen behind her turned black. "Now, who are you exactly and...mmm, nice eyes you have." 'And just my type of kink too.'
"S-S-Shirou."
"Shirou...no last name?"
"Emiya."
"Huh, you remind me of another Emiya. But I'll glossover that for now and ask if you're a mage."
"Still in training."
"Ah that explains it, and since you 'summoned' me in the most ridiculous and out of nowhere way possible, I'll introduce myself. I'm MoonCancer BB, the butterfly of the world and currently stuck in the dark ages of humanity." she winked at him. "I hope we get along, senpai. Is it alright to call you senpai, or just senpai number two?"
"Uh...whatever you want?" he remarked with a sweatdrop.
"Ok then, master-san." she said while placing her hands on her hips. "Anyway, as the last boss of kouhai, I hope you try and take care of me, or just act pathetic, either one works~"
Shirou looked confused at this as BB walked towards the window, allowing him to see her panties again. 'Why does she look like Sakura...and why is she so...bold?!'
"So, a normal Holy Grail War." She muttered to herself. "Interesting but hopefully the other servants are strong. It would be boring to fight weak bugs...if I had combat skills that is."
"Uh, what do you mean by that? Also, WHY do you look like someone I know? And HOW could I even summon you if you're from the future?! I'm so confused!"
"..." she turned to him and smiled. "I'll explain later, first things first."
Shirou blinked as he saw BB move right in front of him, her chest pressing against his own.
"I want to try non data based food. Since I'm here and all." She said while licking her lips a little. 'His eyes are so...pure yet tragic.'
His face turned red, making him back up and gulp. "W-W-We can grab something on the way to my house?" 'T-Too soft!'
She chuckled. "Alright, but I expect good cooking. Nothing bad for a girl of my status...unless you want all those calories to go to my chest, right~?" 'Teasing him is too easy.'
He gulped as the door opened behind him as Rin walked in.
"Shirou, are you still here? Your guard..." she trailed off as she saw 'Sakura' right next to Shirou.
"Ah, another familiar face." BB said with amusement. "What a small world we live in." 'What next Rani? Jinako? That tiger?'
"S-Sakura!? What's with the clothes!?" she cried out, quickly noticing the chest and gawked. 'How did she grow THOSE?!'
"Sakura...huh. So my original AI's name exists here." she muttered with interest before seeing Rin's eyes staring at her chest and cupped them. "What? Want some Danger-Cup milk?"
"What no!"
"Good, because I'm not a cow." she deadpanned before pointing to Shirou. "I'm a MoonCancer classed servant, meaning I'm going to be this nitwit's faithful kouhai."
'MoonCancer...what kinda servant class is that!?'
"Oh by the way, if you're trying to win the war, mmm, you're going to fail~" she said in a singsong tone. "It's inevitable."
"Wait, you're part of the war!?" Shirou looked at Rin who froze up.
"Um..."
"She is, the Moon Cell's files say so. Although she existed in the future...still she lost there." she lied, partially, as Rin glared at her. "So the chances of her winning is 0000.1%. Just like her finding the Root or getting a boyfriend."
"Oi!"
"Anyway, let's leave master...I mean senpai." she said while pulling Shirou by the sleeve with her right hand and walked away, giving Rin a grin that said 'bitch please, he's all mine' plasted on it.
Rin blushed, glaring at the girl before grabbing her shoulder. "Hold it!"
She raised an eyebrow before wacking Rin on the head with her pointer. "Hands off, this coat is made from the finest materials."
"Ow!" she yelled while BB smirked.
"Don't worry, I'll come back and have a nice chat with you." she teased while walking away. "Right after senpai here feeds me, and perhaps more if I give it a rating over two stars~"
'That little!' Rin thought in anger as she watched the mysterious servant walk off with Shirou.
Said boy gulped by what BB meant by the more comment as the two of them made their way out of school.
(Later)
-Emiya Residence-
Taiga yawned as she walked down the hallway towards the door, having heard the doorbell ring from the bedroom. 'Why wake me up from that nap?'
As she opened it, she saw 'Sakura' standing right in front of her with a raised eyebrow.
"Huh, even you're in this age of man. Good to know." she muttered out loud. "A tiger never changes its stripes."
"I'm not a tiger, gao!"
"Says the woman with a verbal tic." she teased as Shirou sighed and walked into the house.
"Hi Taiga-nee."
"Shirou, what's wrong with Sakura!?"
"That's not Sakura." he said as BB walked in and looked around, seemingly observing the technological advances, or disadvantages in her mind, of the current era. "She just looks like her."
"...eh!?" she raised an eyebrow. "Shirou? She looks, sounds, and...ok she doesn't act like her, but two out of three still tells me it's Sakura."
"Does she REALLY look like her?"
Taiga looked back at BB, stared at her chest, then looked back at Shirou. "She has a similar chest."
"No she doesn't!"
"Then explain to me why her chest is huge!?"
"Because my original copy was big." BB said, currently right behind Taiga, with a smile. "I'm just the backup, with charm."
"AH!" she jumped, making BB burst out laughing. "Not funny!"
"It is." she chuckled while wiping a tear from her eye. "You are such a scaredy cat, it fits you so well."
"GAO!"
BB sighed with enjoyment before looking at Shirou. "So Senpai, time to cook a meal for BB-chan. And try not to turn it into a uranium-filled disaster."
"Hey! Are you saying Shirou can't cook? He could make a five star meal out of nothing but rice you...you...Sakura wannabe!"
"Nice comeback, one star rating." she said sarcastically. "And until I have his cooking, the rating is one, no zero stars."
"Oh you're so going to eat those words once Shirou cooks a meal fit for a king."
"I faced the ramblings of an emperor and the constant hypocrisy of a fox. The cooking of a human, even with perfect eyes, is another stepping stone in my life story. So go on, cook me this king sized meal, I'll be the judge of this 21st century backwater culinary cuisine."
'Ok, servant or not, she's going down.' Shriou thought in mild anger. "Alright, take a seat, I'll get to work."
'Now, let's see how he deals with pressure. Although I'm curious if he's the same as that silver haired servant, the one with the tacky eyes?'
(Some time later)
BB blinked as she saw a large amount of food on the table, each one a Japanese cuisine in its own right, and looked at a smirking Shirou. "..."
"Alright, dig in."
"..." she picked up some chopsticks and picked up a salmon roll as she took a bite of it.
"Well?"
"...four stars and a half. It needs more wasabi and is a little undercooked." She said with a dry yet critiquing tone. "But it's not bad. Still needs improvements."
"WHAT?!" yelled Taiga in shock. "Your taste buds are messed up if you don't think that's perfect!"
"AI have no taste buds. And I just gave my critique, nothing more." She said calmly. "Perhaps your taste buds are biased?"
"No it isn't!"
"Then take a bite and try saying anything bad about it." BB smirked, making Taiga freeze in place. "Come on, I dare you to try."
"Alright I will." she said while taking a bite of tempura shrimp and smirked. "It's...bad."
"Forced." BB grinned. "I can hear it in your voice, face it, you're dependent on senpai's food and are biased as a result."
Taiga glared at her as the doorbell rang and Shirou walked out of the impending war zone towards the door.
Click.
"Hi senpai." Sakura smiled while Shirou sighed at seeing a familiar face. "Senpai? What's wrong?"
"Nothing Sakura, today's just been one of those days."
"Ah, so can I come in?"
"Sure, but why are you here?"
"I heard that you had...a visitor and I wanted to see for myself." she said while hearing Taiga's growls of anger. "Is that Fujimaru-san?"
"Yeah, but she's...preoccupied." He sweatdropped before feeling something soft behind his back.
"Senpai." BB smiled while giving him a hug. "Come back, I'm still critiquing your meal."
"GAH!" he let out, turning bright red as Sakura's eyes widened seeing another her, but more stacked.
"So want to come back?" she asked before seeing Sakura, her face becoming neutral and her body stiffening up as she quickly walked away, holding Shirou's right arm rightly. "Let's get back to dinner." '...she is like her. It's uncanny.'
'What is senpai doing...with another me!?' thought Sakura before following the two into the house. "Wait! Who are you?! What are you doing here with senpai?!"
BB turned around and frowned. "Please just go, senpai is busy right now."
"But why do you look like me?!"
"Just go."
"Not until you tell me who you are!"
Shirou sighed while patting BB's head. "This is BB, a servant from...the future."
"Servant?" She muttered before her eyes widened in realization. 'Like Rider!?'
"Senpai." BB frowned. "Please make her go away."
"Why?"
"It's complicated, plus you need only one kouhai, not two!"
"But it's Sakura, she's friendly."
"Still, for all we know she might be trying to seduce you." She said with a huff, really not wanting to meet the person she, as an AI backup, was based on for any reason.
"T-T-T-That's not true!" Sakura said in embarrassment as BB stuck her tongue out.
"Meh!"
Shirou sighed. "Please be nice and behave."
BB rolled her eyes and walked away as Sakura was a little confused about the entire ordeal. "Come senpai, the food is getting cold."
"Care to join?" Shirou asked Sakura, who nodded as BB turned back with shock.
"Senpai! She's a homewrecker!"
"Hey!"
"BB, just humor me."
"But senpai!"
"Please."
BB huffed and stormed off, looking rather annoyed. 'Damn it senpai. You really are trying to push my buttons.'
(Later)
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...so does anyone want to pass the tempua?" Taiga asked as BB and Sakura were busy giving each other nastly glares to one another.
"Here." Shirou went ahead and slid it over.
"Thank you." She smiled as BB's eyes turned bright red in frustration.
'Damn it, I wanted to meet her on my own time...not when I'm trying to get acquainted with senpai. Still, you must not lose to a human, especially one based on a copy.' she thought while Sakura was trying to stay calm and NOT murder the servant in front of Shirou. 'But her eyes are my type...no, stop fantasizing about her eyes and stay on the offensive!'
"Senpai, may I have more rice?"
"Sure."
"Senpai." BB said calmly, with a bit of aggression. "Are you sure she isn't your mistress? You two are rather close."
And cue the two of them spitting out their drinks in shock.
"What? Did I hit a nerve?" She asked with a smirk. "Or was that Rin girl your mistress and this girl is just a concubine?"
"W-We aren't in that type of relationship!"
"Then why are you letting her eat here?"
"We're friends!"
"With benefits?"
"NO!"
"..." she looked at Sakura and then at Shirou. "...don't believe you. Humans only form connections when they are lonely, miserable, have a traumatic background or horny, and you, my lookalike, are all of these things, plus a maximum level of clingness towards MY senpai. So what is it, you're friends or you're trying to mate with him to create little babies?"
"BB!"
"What? I'm just asking." She shrugged. "I mean she is the human that became the basis for my old self. I have to make sure she's the same as my own Sakura Matou."
Sakura blinked in surprise. "Me?"
"Yes, you were used as a template for me, in the year 2032 AD. Be proud of that because that is the only accomplishment or recognition I'm going to give you, senpai stealer."
"Hey!"
Shirou sighed while noticing that Taiga was busy eating food from BB's plate.
'She won't mind.' she thought before noticing that BB was staring at her.
WACK!
"AH!" she cried out while getting hit on the hands with the pointer.
"Steal someone else's food!" she glared, making Taiga hiss and glare. "Like the homewrecker here."
"I'm not a homewrecker!" Sakura frowned.
"Could fool me." she huffed, making Shirou a little annoyed.
"BB! Enough!"
She rolled her eyes and looked away, a little annoyed at being told what to do.
'She's really a pain sometimes.' he thought before smiling at Sakura. "Sorry about that."
"It's fine sen-"
"Senpai is my title for him." BB interrupted with a huff.
"He's my senpai too." Sakura said with a glare.
"Yeah but I can do more than just look pretty, I can give him anything he needs." she said with pride. "I can give him the world, data or otherwise. As the final kouhai of any RPG, I'm willing to burn the world for him...well not burn exactly but I can provide for him."
"Senpai doesn't need you!"
Shriou groaned while Taiga chuckled a little.
"This is better than tv."
(Later)
Shirou sighed heavily as Sakura left the area, his mind currently tired from the mental assault from the two bickering girls.
As for BB, she was currently watching Taiga trying to use a computer for some work.
"This is so...retro." she muttered while Taiga ignored her. "And not in a good way."
"Come on, get 'em, get 'em!" Taiga yelled while, instead of doing her paperwork, was playing a game of space invaders on her computer. "Get the aliens!"
'How sad to see how old fashioned a game like this is compared to the ones from my time.' BB thought with a sigh. 'The Moon Cell had an immersive world, full of dangers and death for those NPCs and masters running about. But looking at this...I'm surprised they could even make such a thing with graphs like that.'
"Come on! Stop moving to the right!"
'...mmmm. Perhaps I should make it interesting?' she thought before lightly snapping her fingers, causing the computer screen to flicker for a few seconds as 'aliens' started to appear from the game and into the real world.
"W-Hey! What's going on!?" Taiga cried out as the 'aliens' began to fire lasers at the ground, forming small scorch marks in the process. "Get back!"
The 'aliens' looked at Taiga before flying towards her.
"No no no, not me!" She cried out while running out of the room, as BB chuckled to herself.
'That was worth it...mmm, maybe I should make it a routine?' BB thought as Shirou walked into the room and saw an 'alien' flying past him.
"AH!" He yelled before looking at BB. "What did you do?"
"Oh nothing much, just gave her a taste of the Moon Cell's reality simulation capabilities." She said with a chuckle. "And she seems to be enjoying the 'aliens'."
"AH! Get back!"
Pew!
Pew!
"Not the carpet!"
"See? The tiger enjoys it."
He gave her an unamused expression.
"Oh come on senpai, lighten up a little. It's not like I killed her or anything." She said with a wink.
"Why does that not make me feel better?" Shirou said to himself with a groan.
"Say senpai, want to hug your kouhai?" she asked while extending her arms out, her chest bouncing up a little. "It's all natural BB-chan softness~"
He turned bright red seeing them bounce, making him gulp. "Uh..."
"Come on, hug me~"
Boing~
'Soft!' He thought before hugging her, which surprised BB for one reason, she thought he was too 'pure' to hug her.
Her eyes turned red as she blushed heavily, making her push him back and quickly run away in embarrassment. 'My heart isn't ready for this!'
"...uh...ok?" He said in surprise, a little confused about what just happened. 'What just happened?'
(Some weeks later)
"AHHH!" Taiga screamed as she was being pelted by neverending toast from a rampaging toaster, courtesy of a smirking BB, as she used her arms to block the toast from hitting her face. "Why me!?"
"This is better than TV." BB said with a chuckle. "Although my BB Channel is better than any of these ancient programs."
"AHH! Make them stop!"
"Mmm, nah. I kind of like seeing toast actually standing up to the human oppressors~"
"I'm not an oppressor!" She yelled as a piece of toast hit her on the face. "AH!"
"Tell that to the toast." BB snickered as Shirou walked in and deadpanned at the MoonCancer servant.
"BB."
"What?" she asked innocently.
"Knock it off and leave Taiga-nee alone."
"Why should I?" she asked while the toaster continuously shot its contents at Taiga's arms.
"Because you're wasting toast."
"Mmmm, valid point. But why should I stop it? Unless you want something in return right?"
"Just stop."
BB chuckled at this and waved her pointer in the air, causing the toaster to stop firing at Taiga.
The woman moved her arms back-
PATANG!
"AH!"
And got hit by a final price of burnt toast in the face.
"Oops, missed one." BB snickered with a wink, making Shirou facepalm.
"Alright BB, we need to set some ground rules."
"Rules? Sorry, not a fan of rules, not even Moon Cell rules." She shrugged while putting her hands behind her head. "So no more talk about rules and let's go on a date~"
"I'm serious." Shirou deadpanned.
"About the date?"
"The rules."
"..." she blinked before quickly walking away.
"BB!" he yelled before he followed after her.
(Some time later)
BB yawned as she was currently looking after a tired Shirou, who was on her lap due to her placing him there after the long two hour speed jog she did...although she did use her powers to make said jog go on a loop.
And right now, she was making sure no one woke him up, especially other masters or certain tigers.
'Maybe he'll repay me for doing such a good job when he wakes up.' She thought with a smile, not seeing Taiga walking behind her at all.
"Hey, BB."
She narrowed her eyes and turned to Taiga. "What?"
"Try not to stare too much or else you might look like a weirdo." she remarked with a serious expression before giving a mischievous chuckle.
BB frowned at that. "At your tiny melons or the lackluster eyes?"
"I mean at Shirou." Taiga deadpanned while pointing to the sleeping boy.
"...and why should I listen to you again?"
"Gee, I don't know, maybe because I've lived with him his whole life."
"And I knew your NPC, she was annoying, like you."
"Mmmm, so I'm technically in the future. Huh." Taiga said with amusement. "Anyone else?"
"My base, aka me and the Sakura Five."
"Wait five-"
"I made them." she interrupted. "There's you, a girl named Caren, Kotomine, Issei Ryuudou and a few others. There ARE masters, but they are just humans that placed their minds into virtual space for the Moon Cell's grail."
"And why would they do that?"
"No magic, earth is going extinct without mana. So they just go to the Moon Cell to escape the problem. And some of these masters are Shinji, a girl named Alice, Run Ru, Rani VIII, Monji Gatou, Dan Blackmore, Twice H. Pieceman, Leonardo B. Harwey and his fellow Harwey, Julius, the slutty nun Kiara Sessyoin, Atrum Galliasta and one of my old senpais, Hakuno Kishinami."
"...that was dark. But wait, you have another senpai? Isn't that...cheating a little?"
"Yep, but the events of that war were so long ago for me, it's like thousands of years to be exact in my eyes. Funny thing about my old senpai, they can change genders for some reason. It's kinda interesting." BB said with a sigh of contentment. "Teasing them, making sure no one hunts them, being the villian of their story, it was fun. But at the moment, I'm with a different senpai." 'Although the master of Chaldea is a close second in my books.'
"So you really DO wanna stake your claim?" teased Taiga.
BB deadpanned. "Trust me, if I wanted to stake my claim to him I would do what I did with Hakumo."
"And that would be?"
"Trapping him in a sixty nine day time loop for all time to prevent him from dying a horrible death by deletion." she said with a cold, dry yet knowing tone that seemingly made the air freeze in place.
Taiga shivered, gulped and backed up a little. "I-I see."
"So." BB said with a smile. "Can you leave me and senpai alone?"
"S-Sure, take your time." Taiga said before walking quickly away from the servant.
"Zzzzz." Shirou snored as BB rubbed his head with her left hand.
"Good senpai." she said with a warm smile as she let his moment sink in, relieving her of the stresses of life, if only for a moment.
(Later)
Taiga gulped as she saw BB helping Shirou with dinner, her mind slightly paranoid at what this girl would do to her if she did anything.
However, those thoughts faded away when she smelt the warm miso soup and she decided to sample some of it...for poison tasting, yeah, poison tasting.
She crouched down and slowly moved over, using the table as cover and keeping an eye on their legs.
Creak.
Creak.
The wooden floors creaked and groaned as Taiga moved towards the pot containing the miso soup, her mouth drooping with hunger as she made sure to keep herself invisible from the two cooks.
"BB, did you get those vegetables chopped up?"
"Yep~" she smiled while using her pointer as a knife, which seemingly worked despite not having an edge. "Almost done senpai."
"Great." he said while Taiga poked her head from the side of the table. 'Still have no idea how she can defy the laws of physics with that pointer.'
'Now's my chance!' She thought before sticking her hand out.
BUZZZZ!
Only to see that a blender, brought to life by BB, was right near Taiga's hand, the lid open and ready to 'blend' some non fruit based ingredients.
BUZZZZZ!
"AHHHHH!" She screamed while quickly moving her hand back and backed away quickly.
"Don't even think about it." spoke BB without looking under the table. "Wait until we are done or I might turn the oven into an attack dog."
"Don't do that! GAO!"
"Taiga-nee, come out from under there."Shirou said with a sweatdrop.
"Not until that blender is turned off!"
"BB."
"Not going to comply with that, it's just a guard dog against thieves." BB huffed.
"Do it." he ordered firmly.
BB huffed while tapping the blender with her pointer, causing it to deactivate. "There, happy senpai?"
"Yes."
"You owe me, by the way." she said with a wink. "And I do mean owe me~"
Boing~
He turned red again when she cupped her breasts with a seductive look.
"Well? Want the price for my favor~? Mm~"
"Uh...uh..." He said while Taiga moved to get some soup for her hungry stomach.
"Go ahead senpai~"
'My chance has arrived!' Taiga smirked before taking a spoon and stole some of the miso soup.
BUZZZZ!
Only to see the blender, now activated again, jumping towards her.
"AHHH!"
"QUIT IT!" BB yelled while feeling like the woman ruined the mood, again.
'Damn it Taiga-nee.'
(A bit later)
"Oh senpai~" BB called out while seeing Shirou walking down the hall. "Your kouhai wants a hug~"
"O-Oh, really?"
"Yep. So hug me~"
"Ok." He said before giving her a hug, making her stiffen at his forwardness as she tried to not push him aside and run away like last time.
'Keep it together. This is a hug, nothing more, nothing less. You can handle it!' she thought, forcing herself to toughen up and hugged back harder, rubbing her breasts up and down as a result
As this occured, no one noticed that Taiga was video taping the entire event.
'He he he, perfect blackmail. And thankfully she hasn't noticed me.'
'S-Soft!' He thought while BB kept on hugging the boy.
'This is nice...but how long is he going to hug me?' BB thought while feeling mixed about the entire scenario, on the one hand it was nice to be hugged, but on the other hand this didn't feel right for some reason. '...maybe a real date could make it feel right? He's only hugging me because I said I owed him. I want something...more than just an exchange of mutual allies.' "Senpai?"
"Huh? Yes?"
"...want to go on a date tomorrow?"
His eyes widened, BB looking down nervously, reminiscent of Sakura. '...am I in a dream?'
'Just say something!'
"Uh...sure." He muttered as BB let go of him and smiled.
"Good, we'll do it tomorrow." She said before walking away. "And try not to pick up any girls while on the date."
"I'm not a player!" Shirou yelled in embarrassment.
"Yeah, and your female friends AREN'T side characters." She said while rolling her eyes and walked off.
"Eh!?"
(Next day)
-Miyama Tow, Mount Miyama-
Shirou lightly blushed as BB held onto his right side like a lover, making him a little uncomfortable as they walked down the shopping district, looking for a place to have a 'proper date'.
"Today feels just right, senpai."
"Oh yeah."
"No annoying NPCs bothering us." She said before giving the boy an impish grin. "So, what perverse thoughts are you thinking about me? Mmm~?"
"N-N-Nothing!"
"Are you sure~?" she asked with a devilish smirk. "I'll bet you have several~"
Shirou blushed while looking away. 'Why does she have to mention all of that in public?!'
BB chuckled while holding Shirou's arm tightly, making the onlookers that did notice the two to mistake them for a couple. 'He's so easy to tease~'
"Aww." said a young woman from a nearby corner. "How adorable."
"Yeah." said her boyfriend. "He's lucky to have a girl like that."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean buster?"
"N-Nothing!"
As this little spat occured, BB kept on hugging Shirou and making sure to give any girls nearby a nasty glare.
"BB? M-Maybe you could...you know."
"No. Whatever do you mean?" she asked innocently, rubbing her chest up and down his arm.
"You know..."
"Senpai, what are you talking about?"
"Your...chest."
"What about my chest?" she asked with a mock gasp. "Is it too small? Not big enough?"
"No! No! It's fine, it's just...you're..."
"Ah, so you like my certified Danger-Cup sized chest? Mmmm, I could always let you grope them in public-"
"NO! Not that! You're rubbing my arm with your chest, in public!"
"Ah." BB said with a chuckle. "So you don't like an affectionate kouhai? Is that it?"
"It's not that! It's just...gah!" Shirou cried out in frustration, making BB chuckle at him.
"Oh you nitwitted senpai~" she stuck her tongue out making him groan.
'Damn it!' he thought before noticing an ice cream shop and got an idea. "Want some soft serve ice cream?"
"Oh senpai, my chest isn't designed to make milk like-"
"Not like that!" he cried out with closed eyes. "I mean over there!"
BB snickered before patting Shirou's left cheek. "Ok, but you have to pay for it."
'Why does she torment me with teasing!?' he thought before opening his right eye, only to see BB's impish grin. 'Oh no...my wallet's going to die.'
(Later)
Shirou blinked in surprise as BB was currently holding a large sugar cone with fifty flavors of ice cream, from vanilla to chocolate to strawberry, stacked on top of each other and topped with whip cream, rainbow sprinkles and hot fudge, in her semi shaking left hand.
"Yum~"
"Uh, are you sure you can eat all that?"
"Yep."
"But can you hold onto it?"
"Yep." she said while her left hand shook a little, seemingly having a hard time getting the ice cream cone balanced.
"I feel like that's not true." Shirou muttered while the ice cream scoops started to tilt towards his direction. "Easy, easy!"
"Relax senpai, I can handle it." BB said with a smirk as the ice cream continued to move towards Shirou's position. "Am an Advanced AI, I have the perfect balan-"
SPLAT!
And cue the ice cream landing right on Shirou's head, causing BB to jaw drop in disbelief.
"I...oh no! I'm sorry senpai!"
"It's fine." Shirou sweatdropped while his head was covered in strawberry ice cream.
"It's not fine! You're covered in ice cream!"
"The worst thing is just some stains, and needing a shower." He said before seeing BB moving towards him and licked his cheek. "W-What are you doing!?"
"Cleaning you up, and since I don't have a towel I'm using my tongue." 'And because it's funny...in a kinky way that is.'
"Don't do that!" Shirou blushed while BB snickered and licked his lips.
"Relax senpai, I was kidding."
"No you weren't."
"Was I~?" she said with a wink, licking Shirou's lips again as some onlookers watched on in amusement.
"Wow, those two are REAL close."
"Yeah. And that guy seems to like being licked." said one girl to her friend. "Maybe it's a kink of there's?"
"Damn, kids nowadays are really intense."
"Agreed...want to do it as well?" she asked her friend, a young business woman, who blushed bright red at the suggestion.
"H-How lewd!"
"What? We are dating right?"
"Not in public!"
"Why not?"
"Gah!" She groaned as Shirou was continuously licked on the lips by BB.
Lick~
Lick~
Lick~
"B-B-B-BB!"
She looked at him, smirked, and then licked his lips, slowly and with intention.
Lick~
"Would you like me to do something more~?" She asked with a smirk as Shirou turned bright red.
As this occured, neither of them noticed that Rin, who was getting some snacks to munch on, had just seen them being 'lewd' in public.
She gawked with wide eyes and slack jawed, Shirou himself babbling incoherently. 'WHAT!?'
Lick~
BB licked her lips before licking Shirou's lips again, moving closer and closer to the point it could be mistaken by others as kissing.
Which in turn...caused Rin to turn bright red and flustered at this entire event.
'Why is she doing that out in public?!' Rin thought in shock as Shirou felt his mind turning blank and his groin starting to rise up a little. 'And why HIM of all people!?'
That's when BB stopped licking and straight up pressed their lips together with a moan.
This in turn, caused Rin to snap as she ran at BB and shot concentrated mana fueled gems at the girl's head, causing her to yelp in surprise before she-
CHOMP!
Bit hard on BB's cranium.
"AHHHH! What the!?"
"MMMMM!"
"Rin?!" Shirou yelled in surprise as Rin continued to bite hard on BB's head, making the Advanced AI scream and flail about like a fish.
"GET HER OFF ME! GET HER OFF ME! GET HER OFF ME!"
Shirou ran over and tried pulling Rin off by her legs.
"MMMM!" Rin growled while still clamped onto BB's head.
"Let go, Rin!"
"MMM!"
"AHHH! GET HER OFF ME!"
"I'M TRYING!"
"AH!"
Rin growled before getting pulled off by Shirou, making her point at BB with anger. "How DARE you make out in public, with MY Emiya!"
"Excuse you?!" she scowled. "He's MY senpai!"
"Yet he's MY Emiya! Not yours!"
"Says who? You've never staked your claim!"
"Calling the kettle black! You just pop up and CLAIM him as a senpai!? You don't even know him!"
"So?"
"He's mine!"
"No, he's my senpai." BB frowned. "And if you keep this up, I'll show you what a Divine Spirit, one with the data of Çatalhöyük's forgotten earth mother, can do to a simple side character like you."
"I'm not a side character! Stop talking like this is some kinda manga!"
"It's not manga, it's RPGS!"
"Same thing!"
Both glared at each other while about to cause a fight.
Only for Shirou to pick them up by the waists, in between his arms, and began to throw them into the air like juggling balls, despite how public the area was.
"AHHH!"
"SENPAI WHY!?"
"You two need to stop fighting!" He called out while he continued to throw them into the air and juggled them.
"SHIROU!"
"I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS SENPAI...oh...I feel so...ugh..." BB groaned while turning green in the face.
"DON'T YOU PUKE!" Rin yelled while seeing BB turned right in her direction. "AND NOT AT ME!"
'Why can't they get along?' Shirou thought with a sigh.
(Later)
"Ugh..." BB groaned while currently walking next to Shirou back to his house, having survived two hours worth of juggling and a lot of embarrassment. "Can't...stop...spinning."
Shirou held her right arm as he shook his head. 'Still can't believe she's easily this susceptible to vertigo. Or that she kept puking on Rin...I hope she's ok though.'
"Ugh..."
"You gonna be alright?"
"Yes...just need a moment." BB groaned while leaning against Shirou's body, her left breast pushing against his arm in the process.
"I didn't really think you COULD feel sick."
"I am an Advanced...AI. I have all the human emotions and, in this case, the...biological limitations. I just don't...try to juggle myself in someone's arms." She deadpanned at Shirou.
"I reacted without thinking, and you made me do it!"
"How? All I did was kiss you and then that crazed mage BIT ME!"
"You could have ignored her."
"How!? She BIT me during OUR date!" BB huffed in anger before groaning. "Ugh..."
"I mean making us walk away."
BB groaned while they made it back to the house, although BB was still confused due to being thrown and spun around like a ragdoll. "Not...letting her ruin my reputation. Plus...she was in the wrong, not me."
Shirou sighed hearing this and took a deep breath. "BB, you really need to try and control yourself at times."
She huffed. "Same goes to you, clown senpai."
He groaned while seeing BB hugging him tightly.
"Still...it was a nice date."
"...yeah, it was." Shirou admitted while hugging back.
"By the way." BB whispered while smirking a little. "Want to have sex right now~?"
"What!?" He cried out, his face turning bright red as BB smirked devilishly.
"Come on senpai, I know you want to~" She said with a wink.
He turned bright red as she moved her left hand over his ass.
Squeeze~
And squeezed his right butt cheek lovingly.
"My, how motherly it is~ I almost mistook it for a girl's~" 'Great, now I'm thinking like that slutty nun! Gah, I hate her innuendos so much!'
"Hey!"
"What?" She asked innocently, noting how Shirou was embarrassed about having his butt compared to a woman's. "I think it looks cute."
"S-Still!"
Squeeze~
"Don't worry, I'll give it lots of love during." she smirked and licked her lips. "Sexy time~"
Shirou turned bright red as he looked close to fainting.
"Hey!" Taiga called out, spooking the two of them in the process. "When's dinner...wait. What are you two doing!?"
'You HAD to ruin the mood!' BB thought in anger. "Go away cat!"
"Why...wait." She muttered before seeing BB's hand on Shirou asscheek. "You're going to make out...RIGHT HERE!?"
"Its called sex." BB deadpanned, while looking annoyed. "Me and senpai were-"
"NOT ON MY WATCH!"
"YES ON YOUR WATCH! KISS ME SENPAI!"
Shirou gulped while seeing BB's smirk and Taiga's overprotective glare, making him back away slowly.
"Oh no you don't, pucker up!"
"Shirou, don't even!" Taiga frowned.
He gulped before quickly turning around.
"SENPAI!"
And took off running into the house.
"SENPAI!" BB yelled before glaring at Taiga. "You ruined my chance, you gluttonous tiger!"
"I'm not a tiger, GAO!"
"Well you are so dead!" she growled while jumping on top of Taiga, smacking the woman in the face with her pointer.
"OW! That's it! I'm gonna tear you a new asshole!" Taiga yelled while punching BB in the face.
And during all of this Shirou was watching the fight through a crack in the door, a little shocked that it escalated from lovey dovey to lewd to a full-on brawl in the span of ten seconds.
'I don't know who to root for, or if I should just keep quiet and NOT take sides.' He thought while getting a good view of BB's panties, making him blush. 'But I do know this...'
POW!
SMACK!
POW!
'I'm going to be chewed out by both of them later.'