It's time for Versus!

The announcer comes on. "Controversial comes close to describing this show. Here is you host, Edea!"

Edea is sitting center stage again ready for another show. "Hello and welcome. I'm Edea and this is Verses, a show were debatable topics are disputed for a short length of time by some of our global celebrities, but first, a word from our sponsors."

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"The Balamb Garden 'Fizzy' Fundraiser"

Nida comes on screen and bows. "Hi. My name is Nida and I'm a spokesperson for Balamb garden. Gee, I hope you've heard of me. Uh, you know, the pilot…uh-nevermind. The United Gardens Association has begun a fundraiser to help rebuild and repair Balamb and Galbadia as well as the complete reconstruction of Trabia. They need a home folks. After multiple battles, we've been pretty battered and we need your help. Our Gardens' student bodies have come up with a great way for you to beat the heat and help our situation. Introducing our new FF8 soda pop! Here with more is one of Balamb Garden's students, Selphie Tilmitt."

Selphie walks on and waves. "Hi everybody! This is Selphie from Selphie Tilmitt's Talk Show here! I'm so happy to offer this wonderful pop to you and proud to say that because of my work for Garden I'm being honored with my very own flavor. It's my very favorite…ORANGE!"

"Yep. Selphie's Orange Fizz. Cute, huh? Other students and notable people are also habing special garden recipe soda flavors named after them and we will advertise these flavors in shows to come. So, show your spirit and help us out and we'll help you quench your thirst! They are only 200 Gil a can or 300 Gil per bottle. Thanks a million! Bye!"

The announcer comes back on as the show begins. "Versus is also brought to you by Gold Saucer! Visit Gold Saucer today and make a memory! And now, back to our show!"

Edea takes over. "And its time for us to meet our guests who will be on the panel in today's episode. First, we have a famous femme, General Celes."

The audience applauds for the general as she makes her way onto the stage. She sits down on the blue side.

"Next, a professor of Magi Technology, Cid."

Cid comes on still dressed in his radiation suit. He takes a seat on the red side.

"A girl with the ability to paint other creature's abilities, Relm."

As she walks on stage, Owzer can be heard, "Relm please finish my painting."

She nods and sits next to Celes.

"Next, a powerful sage, Gil."

Gil walks slowly onto the stage, not getting too much applause. (Do they know who he is?)He sits next to Relm.

"Next, an extremely unorthodox scientist, Hojo."

The creepy scientist gets booed and he just cackles and he sits next to Cid. Cid begins to squirm uncomfortably.

"And finally, a mysterious brother, Golbez."

Golbez almost dances in with his dark cape billowing around him. He takes the last seat next to Hojo.

"Today, we are going to debate over a special topic that is on everyone's mind. There seem to be plenty of theories, but no substantial facts of logic. The topic for today is…"

BRAAAA!

"What happened to Locke Cole? We all heard the hit court show's disturbingly disgusting accident involving a battle, an octopus, and a happy popper-finger bailiff. We would like to note that the colored seats are only for special sessions that we shall announce before the match up." Edea turns to Celes.

"Would you mind going first?"

Celes nods. "Thank you. Well, I was there and, honestly, I don't have a perfect explanation for the incident, but…" she lets out a sigh, "Poor Locke."

Golbez is heard muttering under his breath. "What does she see in that weirdo?"

Celes shoots him an ugly look but continues on. "Um, anyway, I believe Ultros pulled some sort of slight of tentacle and kidnapped him. With some sort of illusion, or gas, he distracted our attention and took off. Only Ultros would create such a petty prank to make himself look like he outwitted us, thank you."

Edea moves on as Gil nods that he would like to go next. "Next, we will hear from Gil."

"Ooh, well, I believe that this Ultros fellow must have great manipulation of dimensional planes. Of course, this would require a great deal of magical skill; I have heard that octopuses are very intelligent for invertebrates and might mean he is capable of such ability."

Relm jumps in at this. "He's just a dumb octopus."

Gil is taken back at her interruption. "OOH! You should wait your turn young lady."

"Yes, Relm. Please wait your turn." Edea reminds the girl. Relm shakes her head and points to her chest.

"Well it's my turn anyways!"

Edea sighs. "Go ahead."

Relm grins and stands up. "He just uses a warp spell and makes the splash sound with his mouth and Locka jumped in." she giggles.

"That's Locke, Relm not Locka." Celes scolds.

"Locka, Lacky, Loco! Hee-hee!" Relm continues.

Celes shakes her head. "Oh, Relm don't!"

"heh heh heh!" Golbez chuckles.

Edea regains order. "Ahem, let us hear from Cid."

Cid nods and gets up. "Good point. Well I believe I have met this Locke before. An agile fellow he is, and I have heard of this infamous Ultros and his disappearing act. I believe it is just a matter of scientific hypothesis. If Ultros and Locke disappear into the dimension of X," he gets up to a black board that mysteriously appeared and begins to draw out scientific equations, "and X is unknown (scribble scribble) then we simply must extract Locke from Ultros to get X and reveal Ultros' lair."

Edea looks thoroughly intrested. "Um, that's all very interesting Professor Cid but how exactly do we 'extract' Locke?"

"Good point, now we get into the discussion of Locke-a-tek extraction. Simply apply the same formula of magitek extraction to the place where Locke was last positioned and—

Suddelnly there is a sound of a bell.

"Uh I'm sorry Professor, that was all very fascinating, but I'm afraid we must move on to our next guest."

"Oh, very well." Cid sits down slowly.

"Next, we have Golbez."

Golbez just waves his hand at them. "I would first like to note that I really don't care what happens to him."

Celes jumps up. "How cruel!"

Golbez just shrugs. "Perhaps so, however, my explanation will give my reason as well. I believe that Locke and Ultros are in this little circus act together."

"NO!" Celes shouts. Edea points to her chair.

"Miss Chere, wait until it is the free-for-all."

"Let me explain," he continues, "have you ever noticed whenever you are in a fight with Ultros, Locke is always present? Locke was at the opera, he was on the raft, and he was there in the courtroom."

"But he's the bailiff!" she counters.

"Celes, please or I'll be forced to exempt you from the debate!" Edea warns her.

"Yes, but has anyone questioned why Locke, a thief, is the bailiff? Thank you."Golbez ends his argument.

Edea nods and looks at everyone. "Very good. Now before we go to the last person, I would like to remind everyone to please let the guest speak first. We will all have a chance to say what's on our minds in the free-for-all. Go ahead Hojo."

Hojo adjusts his tie. "Might I say, first of all, Ms. Edea would you be interested in sharing your genetic make-up with me in the name of science?"

Edea turns away, disgusted. "No!"

Hojo shrugs. "Very well, I will get straight to the point. I like to think that Ultros and Locke weren't supposed to jump in together and that somewhere, someplace they have popped out merged together as one hideous looking creature and you'll never see Locke again! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!"

BRAAAAaaa!

"It's time to defend yourself! The free-for-all round has begun." Edea jumps out of the way as she sees Celes jump up again.

"You guys over there have no respect and no hearts if you can say and think those things!" she shouts.

Hojojust keeps laughing like a madman. Cid tries to defend his theory.

"It is just a matter of logic and science, besides I didn't say anything bad about him!"

Relm jumps in. "I did kinda wonder why Locka was the bailiff. I mean, if he tried to arrest Sabin, he would get his a.. kicked!"

Celes turns to the little girl, shocked. "Relm! Its Locke, not Locka! Oh! And watch your language, young lady!"

Relm sticks her tongue out. "Bossy! I still think he used a warp spell!"

Golbez is amused by her he squats down as she walks up to him. "And he made a splashy sound with his mouth?"

Relm giggles as she tugs slightly on his cape. "Yeah, like this… SPSHHHH!"

Golbez tries to imitate the sound. "Splish?"

Relm shakes her head. "No, SPSHHH! Hey, can I paint your picture."

Gil decides to speak as Celes snatches Relm away from the dark knight. "I believe the universe has its mysterious secrets that must remain hidden to those who are not capable of understanding it."

"SPSHH!" Relm splashes in his ear.

"Young lady!" Gil leaps up furiously. Celes tries to snatch her again, but she runs away.

Running around the room, she continues to make the noise. "Hee hee! SPSHHH! SPSHHH! SPSHHH!"

"Mysteries, shmysteries! I, Hojo, know all the mysteries of the universe. The universe is MINE! MWA HA HA HA !" Hojo sets out to laugh again, but Relm sneaks up on him.

"SPSHHH!"

"ACK!" He is suddenly seized with a fit of coughing. "You little brat!"

He goes after her. "AHH!" she screams.

Ifrit appears out of nowhere. "NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Edea wipes her brow as she comes back on stage. "Whew! Okay, that's all we have time for. Until next time, goodbye."

"SPSHHH!"

"Ugh!"

End.