Sirius rubbed his face, taking a deep breath. He sighed, shaking his head slowly. It has been a long day already. His eyes returned to Harry, who was lying on the bed. His hair was unruly as always, his face was surprisingly calm, yet a little pale. Sirius's eyes moved downwards to his godson's wrists. Thick bandages were wrapped around them, laying on the blanket. His gaze returned to Harry's face, to the closed eyes. He wanted nothing more than seeing those emerald orbs again. It was his utmost desire.
While Harry looked almost calm and collected, like he would stand up any moment, Sirius was a total counterpart to that. His robes were crumbled, his eyes were red and bloodshot and his hair was a mess. He looked like a mess to be sure. Behind him, he heard steps on the wooden floor of the hospital wing, but he didn't turn or move in any way or form. Instead, he kept looking at his beloved godson. A delicate hand laid itself on Sirius's shoulder and he turned.
Narcissa stood behind him, looking at Harry instead of him. Her grey eyes were also rimmed red, but unlike Sirius, she had wrestled her emotions back under control with pure will. Now she stood there, her back straight and her chin held high. Slowly she turned her gaze to Sirius, nodding.
"She is here." She simply said. Sirius returned her nod, before standing up. This was the first time in hours he had moved from the chair he was sitting in, ever since Harry had been brought to the wing. He swallowed hard, stepping over to his godson. He leaned down kissing his forehead. He knew, if Harry would be awake, he would hate this show of affection, but he wasn't and his godson needed to know that he loved him.
"Wath over him, will you?" He asked, looking at the black phoenix that was huddled right next to Harry's face, shuffling even closer at his word. Dawn thrilled a little, before closing her eyes again.
Sirius straightened and turned, leaving Harry for the first time since his suicide attempt. It felt wrong to even leave him but he knew he needed to. Narcissa followed right on his heel, as he moved to the wooden doors. Madam Pomfrey nodded at him as she passed.
"Call me if he wakes up." He mumbled at her. The matron nodded.
"He will not wake up until tomorrow, the potions made sure of that and his body needs time to heal. But yes, I will call you. Don't worry, he is in good hands with me." She gave him a warm smile and Sirius returned her nod.
"Thank you, Poppy." He mumbled, before moving to the door.
Like he had imagined, behind the door was a handful of students. There were the Weasley twins, their younger daughter and brother, all looking worried beyond measure. Then there was Neville, in fact, almost the entirety of Harry's year mates from Gryffindor were there as well as all of the Quidditch team. Then there was Susan Bones with another girl, whom Sirius guessed was Hannah Abbot. The girl had the same curly hair as her mother. In the back, the only one not showing any emotion was Daphne Greengrass, her hands clasped behind her back. But in front of all those students stood Hermione, her face showing an amount of distress that showed deeply that she cared. She was also the first one to speak, while everybody held their breaths.
"Is Harry all right?" She asked breathlessly. She and the others had spent the last few hours in front of the door, not allowed inside on the one hand but not being told anything on the other. It had been nervous hours and now all they wanted was answers. Sirius looked around the gathered people.
"Harry is alive. We were in quite a luck. " He said with a firm and confident voice. A sigh of relief went through all of them. A few of them had seen Harry when he had been rushed to the wing, the pale skin and the blood on him. Almost all of them had tears of relief in their eyes, Hermione hugged Neville in happiness. Sirius held up his hand, dying them down.
"But" They quieted down a lot at that. "I must ask you for patience. Harry is physically mostly fine, but, this was not an attack or something. Harry.." His voice choked a little and he blinked tears away at which Narcissa placed her hand on his shoulder again. "Harry tried to end his own life back there." There was no way covering this up. Half the school had seen him being rushed to the infirmary and quite frankly the rumour mill of Hogwarts would soon catch on on that. There wasn't much that stayed secret in this school for long.
Hermione felt her eyes tear up again. "But...But why?" She the students had horrified faces. Sirius sighed again before shrugging.
"I don't know and I don't want to assume something as of now."
Surprisingly, Ron stepped forward. "Is there something we can do?" He asked nervously. Sirius shrugged.
"I'm not sure either. A mind healer I trust deeply has come here and I will talk to her, find out what to do."
Hermione frowned, nodding, while she whipped the tears from her face. "Can we come?" She asked, a sea of eager faces looking at him. Sirius blinked a little, then he turned to Narcissa. She raised her eyebrow. Then she turned to them.
"Miss Granger, I think it would suffice if you would come with us and spread afterwards." Hermione nodded, turning to the others.
"All right, I will go with. Dap...Miss Greengrass, would you send me a message if Harry wakes up?" She asked. All students turned to the blond in the back, like most of them had forgotten that she was even there. She nodded slowly.
Ginny stepped forward, raising her chin. "I should go to. I'm his girlfriend."
Sirius nodded, while Narcissa glared a little at the girl. While her cousin had forgotten about it, she didn't miss out on the girl that had been in the article just this morning. Harry hadn't told either of the two other members of house Black about his relationship with Miss Weasley and if it would have been Narcissa's decision than she would have made totally clear to the girl, what it meant to smear the name Black. But it wasn't her decision, so glaring was her only option. So she did just that. But Sirius nodded, ending the topic for now. Still, Narcissa was certain she would talk with someone about it. Normally she would have talked to Harry about it but this wasn't an option right now.
The four of them walked down the stone corridor form the Hospital wing and one flight of stairs down, before reaching a door. Sirius rubbed his face once more, looking more tired than Hermione has ever seen him, not even while he was in the Shrieking Shack. Harry's attempt to end his life had shaken the man deep in his core and you could just see the pain and guilt in Sirius's face. He then nodded to himself, pulling open the door. He then greeted the person inside.
"Hello, Andy." He murmured to the auburn-haired woman. Andromeda Tonks turned, a soft smile on her face.
"Hello, Siri." She said and with two steps she crossed the room putting her arms around her cousin. Sirius sighed, leaning against her, his arms weak. Andromeda brushed over his neck in a calming pattern. Then she pulled back, her thumb coming up and rubbing away a tear that had rolled down Sirius's face.
"Siri, I'm so sorry this happened." She said still holding him. Sirius frowned.
"I'm not the one who-" But he was cut off by Andromeda shaking her head.
"Siri, something like this doesn't pass by those emotionally attached. Not those with stable mental health, and you are, well...that place left its marks on you." With that, she pulled him closer. Sirius was thinking this was ridiculous but then he felt something was wet on his face, needing a moment to realise that he was weeping. His hands clutched the robe of Andromeda on the small of her back and a shacking sob wrecked the tall man's body.
"W...What if I had lost him...I..." The pain rolled into his mind like a tidal wave, finally crashing through the thin barrier he had built up to function the entire day, for Harry.
"Shhh, it's okay, Siri. He is here. You haven't lost him." For a minute the man sobbed into his cousin's shoulder, before finally pulling back and rubbing over his nose in a manner that normally Narcissa would hex him crosseyed for. He then turned.
"I'm sorry you all, this...I should have a better grip on myself." He said to the three women behind him who were looking around a little awkward, not sure what to do. Hermione, always the emphatic one, smiled shaking her head. "No need Mr Black. Like Miss...ühm, well like she said, it was a tough day for you too. We understand." Next to her, Ginny nodded. Sirius smiled.
"I told you, call me Sirius." He murmured, making Hermione blush a little. Then Sirius turned.
"Oh yes, Andy these are Hermione and Ginny, Harry's friend and girlfriend apparently. You two, this is my Cousin Andromeda Tonks, she works as a mind healer and I asked her yesterday to work with Harry after you wrote me Hermione, but...well I came to late..." His voice trailed off as he stared to the side. Andromeda shook her head.
"Pish Posh Sirius. Let me tell you some little thing here. This isn't about fault or guilt. This happened. Now is not the question who did wrong or who could have foreseen what, because you can't. Has Harry ever told you he wanted to end his life?" She asked firmly. Sirius slowly shook his head. Andromeda nodded.
"Then there is nothing at your fault. I know for a fact that you don't have the third eye. You can't know the future. So this, as I said, is not about fault, but about what can we do to help Harry out of this dark place he is in right now, that makes him think that death is the only way out. Please, sit down so we can talk. I take it, Harry is sleeping right now?"
Sirius nodded numbly, sitting in one of the chairs, the others following. Andromeda nodded after hugging her sister shortly in greeting.
"That is good. For now, sleeping will help and it gives us a little time to prepare. So, first off and I can't stress this enough. No guilt. No, Harry how could you, No Harry I'm so hurt, nothing of that. Harry is in a very vulnerable state right now. We have to show him, that he can trust us with his problems. Thatis the next, don't bombard him with questions. Let him talk if he wants to talk. Harry decides to whom he trusts and to whom not. None of us, neither I as his healer, if he wants me, nor Sirius, nor his best friend or girlfriend are entitled to know the why, if he doesn't want to tell you. But and this is important, don't remain silent if you notice some warning signs." She eyes the other people in the room, who slowly nodded. Hermione's mind is already fighting a war between how to not ask questions and try to understand. Ginny just looked paled and nervous. "I know this seems pretty hard, but in fact it is simple. Be there. Be ready to let him in, if you can, but don't force something on him. That brings me to the next part. No advice! This is a mistake people often do and it does more harm than good. Harry most likely knows what he did and why. He knows in his head, what people SHOULD do, so he doesn't need to be told."
The people around the table nodded slowly. "Also offer help. Maybe this was a one-time thing, a cry for help or a cornered moment. But maybe it is not. There might come dark thoughts to him again. Be there, offer him an escape. That might be his first day back. This might be something totally different. But when you do, hold that promise. It is better to not be available at all than agreeing and blowing him off. We have to give him the feeling he is not alone, that when the dark thoughts return, that he can call out and people will answer to that."
People looked at each other, nodding. "Last but not least and this is the most important thing, so I say it again, listen. Listen to what he said, listen to what emotions run through him. Sometimes it is better to say less and hear more. Listen to him if he opens up. Also, take a good look for warning signs. That doesn't mean you have to guard him around the clock but if he speaks about hopelessness, anxiety, reckless behaviour or turned to drugs and or speaks about hurting himself. Tell me if that happens!" She said this quite forceful making some nod with vigour.
Andromeda sighed, opening a ledger she had in front of her, reading for a few moments. "Okay, as I take it, we were quite lucky. For one, apparently does not know how the human body works well enough, so he cut across his wrist instead of along it. This way he bled a lot slower. Also having his familiar with him, is a really good thing. For one she will offer comfort in the darker moments. But even more a familiar is mostly a very good indicator for the mood of its bonding partner. So watch out for her as well." Again, people nodded around the table. Then she turned to them.
"All right. For now that is everything." With a nod she rose, but Sirius raised his hand.
"Andy? I would like to talk to you alone if possible." He said, shooting Narcissa a short look. The former Lady Malfoy nodded faintly and escorted Ginny and Hermione out of the room quickly. When the door is closed, Sirius sighed, rubbing over his face like he did a few times that day already.
"Andy, there are a few things I think you should know, some of very delicate nature. I need you to swear a vow of silence." He said looking in the surprised cousin. Andromeda sat up more straight.
"Sirius, you know I would never, even if my healer's vow wouldn't stop me too." But she stopped when Sirius raised his hand.
"I know Andy, I trust you with my life. No, I trust you with my godson's life, yet your vow only stops yours from speaking of it. It doesn't protect your mind from being read." He murmured.
Andromeda's eyes went even wider. "Who in their right mind would do something like that?" She asked in a whispered voice. Sirius shrugged slightly.
"My Prongslet has many enemies. And these secrets are...you know?"
Andromeda nodded raising her wand. "I, Andromeda Tonks nee Black, hereby swear an oath of silence over any secret I learn today or on any day about the Person Harry James Peverell-Potter-Black nee Potter. So mote it be." Her wand flashed once and Sirius nodded placated. Then he raised his own wand-waving it through the air in yellow and red lines. from him a dome rose, quickly enveloping only him and Andromeda, made from pitch-black darkness. Unknown to Sirius and Andromeda a certain little but was pushed away by the dome almost being crushed between the sphere and the floor. Nothing lived inside the dome except the two members of House Black. Sirius pocketed his wand again while Andromeda looked around.
"I haven't seen the Black Sphere in over twenty years." She said with a short smile. Sirius shrugged.
"When I became Lord Black, there were certain bits of knowledge made available to me. No one can hear or see us. Yo can't enter or leave it, as you know and listening charms don't work. I also learned, that even familiar bonds would be cut off by this. You could say we are in a different universe right now."
Andromeda nodded. "I remember that. Was one of Grandfathers favourite tools." Then she turned her head to him again.
"Now what is so sensitive about Harry's situation, besides the whole boy who lived thing?"
Sirius leaned back, taking a deep breath.
"There are two things. One is something I just don't want people to know and one that could destroy our world if it was known. Let's begin with the more easy one. The Dursleys." He sneered at the name even though he felt bad about it, in the light of what happened yesterday.
Andromeda tilted her head slightly. "I never have heard that name."
Sirius nodded, folding one leg over the other. "I wouldn't have guessed you had. They are, better were a muggle family, more precise, Petunia Dursley was or is the sister of Lily Potter and Harry grew up in their house. If you can call it growing up."
"What do you mean?" Andromeda asked, placing her fingertips against one and the other. Sirius let out a deep breath.
"They...weren't a nice family. I don't know everything, Harry never speaks about it and he barely told me something about them. Bt when I first met him, I offered him a home, unknowing if he wanted to and he said es, without thinking about it. You can imagine what it must have been for him. From the few things I gathered and learned, he was treated like a house-elf. His uncle only called him boy or freak, he had to work hard every day and I know at least about one instance when his uncle raised his hand against my godson." Sirius gritted his teeth slightly at that. "His aunt wasn't much better, showing her distaine for her nephew quite prominently. Their son probably bullied Harry without ramification from is parents. All in all they treated him like the Black family has treated their Squib offspring."
Andromeda scrunched her nose at that, nodding slowly. She remembered quite vividly how their parents had treated uncle Alphard, the last squib she remembered. It saddened her to remember this and even more for a young child to be handled like that.
"I can see why he isn't talking about it freely. But I don't think this is the reason why you had me swear this oath."
Sirius nodded. "Yes, that is something else but it ties into this. Yesterday in the evening in fact while I was at your house, Vernon Dursley was murdered in pretty gruesome fashion and Petunia Dursley was gone without a trace. Over their house hung the Dark Mark." Andromeda flinched visibly at the announcement, like every person who remembered the last war. Her face was a little pale.
"Oh dear Merlin. Was that what pushed Harr..." She trailed off and Sirius nodded. "I think so. But that is not what I wanted to tell you, well not all. The thing is, Petunia was most likely taken because she is of Harry's blood and those people need his blood to return the Dark Lord."
Silence filled the dome while Andromeda just stared at him, her mouth hanging open. "T...You know who will return?" She asked, her face ashen. Sirius nodded. "Most likely yes, that is what Dumbledore believes. Harry has "met" Voldemort three times already. He is reduced to a wraith that can possess willing subjects and there is an old ritual that would give him back his body. Harry almost got caught up in it, but was able to escape. That was what happend during the First Task. If it wasn''t for Gryph, he most likely would have died." Sirius face was stone hard as he tried to reel in his emotions. His godson came to close to death wa to often for his likeing. Like so often he had thought about pulling Harry from Hogwarts and leave the country, somewhere far away. But the damn tournament stopped that thought.
"Who...who is Gryph?" Andromeda asked, shacking a little. The idea of the Dark Lord returning was frightning beyond meassure but it was so much she felt a little numb at it. Sirius scowled a little.
"Gryph was Harry's pet snake. He bit one of the death eaters and gave Harry the chance to escape, but he died. Harry took it really hard." He pressed his lips into a line. He should have looked out for Harry better, he should have been there for the boy instead of leaving him to himself once again. His hands balled to fists. This was his fault he just knew it. Andromeda luckily didn't notice but instead nodded slowly.
"Please tell me that is all." But Sirius shook his head.
"There is one more thing and that is something only four people in the world know. Dumbeldore, Harry, myself and you-know-who. He might have told someone but that is unlikely. You will be the fifth. Harry is to Voldemort something that is called a polar. I will not go into detail about what it is or how he is it, but this is the important part. If that bastard uses my godson in some ritual, there will be nothing in the world that can stop him anymore. That is why he went after the Potters in the first place." Sirius gritted his teeth, while like always when he spoke about the death of his best friend and his wife, tears formed in the corners of his eyes.
Andromeda just stared at him with such force like she tried to drill a hole in his forehead with her gaze and find out if he is joking with her. But he wasn't at all. Then she nodded.
"Okay." She simply said. Sirius blinked in surprise.
"Okay?"
"Okay." She answered again.
"That is it? No questions? I expected more." He said. Andromeda shrugged a little.
"I knew it would be no normal job when you asked me to mind-heal the boy who lived. I Also asume it isn't the plan to hand Harry to you-know-who."
"Of course not!" Sirius blurted out in surprise.
She leaned back. "Then there isn't much more to it. I am still a daughter of house Black. I will not fall into hysteria or something like that. You-know w-...you know what...V-Voldemort will learn a hard lesson about attacking our house." She said with firm words, making Sirius smile.
"So you will help Harry?" He asked.
Andromeda smiled, standing up. "Now more then ever." She said, holding her hand out and pulling Sirius to his feet.
"Let's go see your godson." She said.
After the last really long chapter, this one needed to be a bit shorter. I thought about waking Harry up here, but then it felt like something that just wasn't right at the moment.
A few things. I am normally not a writer that likes to act like his readers are dumb. Of course, Harry is alive and everybody knew it. The plot revolves too much around him to kill him here. So, I don't dance around this fact and don't leave it in the air for three chapters or whatnot.
So the big one. Helping someone with suicidal thoughts. I HOPE I got it at least somewhat right. I read a lot about it over the course fo the last few days and tried figuring things out. Some information I got was contradicting themselves, I hope the advice was somewhat right.
Finally the Weasleys. I'm not sure how I do it, but Ginny and Harry will break up. Pretty soon. Like I said a few times already, she isn't Harry's to be. I'm not sure how I will do it yet but I think I will figure it out soon. We are now in a stretch of the story where I'm not sure where I am going, we will see.
Ron, yes he is back there. Of course, he is. His former best friend tried to kill himself. This doesn't mean he will play a big roll in the future.
Last but not least, there is one thing I will put forth in the next chapter, which was already said but not dwelled on and I hope that it is not insensitive. One of the big reasons Harry tried to end it was the Dreamless Sleep potions. I stated before that those have nasty side-effects in my AU. So that will play a big roll in his recovery and make it a lot "faster". I don't want to rush it but his fight with suicide will not last through the rest of the story. I'm sorry to those who feel offended by this.
Also, another little thing. I read a lot but I am lucky enough that no one in my premise ever tried to kill themselves. Therefore I don't know what people to deal with this feel like and I have to guess and read. So I might get things wrong and I'm sorry if I do.
Next up: First light of the morning.