So ladies, we all know Nick Stokes is a god. He might as well be. He's got a perfectly sculpted body, especially those abs, a gorgeous 1,000-watt smile, and a personality unmatched by any other. And the way he clears his throat – oh god! I've been working with him for six years now, slowly tortured by his Texan charm and chivalry, his warm, caring nature, and the aforementioned body parts. Seriously, I don't know how I haven't gone legally insane! I started thinking about it the other day – signs that you could be in love with Nick Stokes. Occurrences over the years that have slapped me in the face and yelled out in full voice: YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH NICK STOKES. Here are those top ten signs:
Sign One: When you pass his cologne in a department store, you start shivering and having naughty fantasies.
So, I was walking around Macy's one day with a girlfriend, and I smelled it. That all too familiar, heart-stopping, wonderful, godly smell. The smell of Nick Stokes. Well, his cologne anyway. I always smell for it when I'm at a crime scene, hoping he'll show up behind me and whisper something funny or strangely profound at a dangerous proximity. Anyways, when I smelled it I stopped, because that's my conditioned response (the world stops, so cliché, I know). My friend Chloe looks at me like I'm psycho, but I can't help myself. I snap myself out of it in time, but my face turned bright red as we turned to browse the lingerie section. Not a good time. Dirty thoughts. Go. Away.
Sign Two: You tell him his shirt is hideous just so he'll change it and you can see his hot bod.
That day when I 'harassed' him, as he put it, it was no mistake. Yes, I like to harass him. Guilty as charged. That's my way of telling someone I like him. I'd caught a glimpse of that hot bod, and it was instantly a fetish. I'd only been working with him a couple of months at the time, but I'd already fully realized his hotness. And well, the rest of his body is left to the imagination. And, believe me, I've imagined. In all defense, the shirt was hideous. A puke green with the ugliest pattern I'd ever seen. After he thought I'd left, he took his shirt off again, and I got to watch his muscles strain and stretch as he put on his blue button-up. Hee!
Sign Three: When you're excited about something, you claim you're "stoked".
Another embarrassing moment with the girlfriends. We were so excited because Sex and the City started playing on TBS, and it slipped out for about the fifth time in my life around them. I'm so stoked! Immediately, one of them questioned me. Why are you always saying stoked? Are you obsessed with that foxy coworker of yours? Why is your face turning red?
Sigh. Why must my heart play with me this way?
Sign Four: You conveniently can't rip a towel bar off the wall, causing him to show his extreme manliness by ripping it off himself (muscles bulge).
So we were working a case, right? Right? That was my excuse here. And there's no way that I could have ever pulled off that towel bar from the wall myself. Conveniently, Nick was working the case with me, and saw me endearingly trying to rip it off to no avail. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven when he offered to try. I could've taken him right there, when I saw his face contort and his extreme manliness shine through when he ripped that sucker right off the wall after only a few seconds. Except for this tiny thing called my job; my career. Just that one little thing, though. But, oh my!
Sign Five: Even when crazy people dressed as aliens suggest you get married to him, you don't think it's that outlandish.
Are you two married? She's gonna get ya'! That was perhaps one of the most perfect, dreamiest moments of my life. Someone else had finally noticed it! Our connection! Granted, he was a wedding chapel owner that dressed as an alien to marry people and ended up having buried someone alive. But everyone is entitled to his opinion, right? His opinion was sold to me like a 14-carat diamond to a pawn shop. Nick tried to cover it up, embarrassed, but I could see the gleam in his eye. He thinks I'm seeeeeexy. He wants to daaaaaaate me.
Sign Six: You flirt constantly over db's.
I was dating Hank at the time, when he accused me of flirting over a db. How can I help it, being surrounded by sexy, gorgeous men? I think Nick was jealous of Hank, because he flirted with me like mad that entire case. There were so many moments, it was ridiculous, and I felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. From that look he gave me when Liquid Man was being scanned, to 'not telling anyone' about my little barfing episode, to making my heart flutter when he sniffed me and told me I still smelled. The day could not have been more perfect, unless he suggested to help me wash with the lemons Grissom suggested.
Sign Seven: When he suggests he prefers lace over leather, you go to Victoria's Secret and buy half a dozen get-ups, just in case something ever happens.
Right when we started working together, I asked him if he preferred leather over lace. He'd opted out at first, but then seconds later he confessed. He was a lace man, like I predicted. Nick likes his women hot, sexy, dumb, and vulnerable. That's why he'd never want me. I pride myself on my smarts and my tough exterior. What he doesn't know is that I need to be needed. I am so vulnerable it's not even funny. I want nothing more than for him to hold me tight, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and tell me everything will be alright. To tell me my awful childhood is over now, and that he's there to protect me.
I bought about six lace teddies that day after work with a girlfriend. She asked me who they were for, but I didn't answer. I just needed them. Just in case.
Sign Eight: You flirt constantly with other men, just to get his attention and make him jealous.
Let's see: Hank, Greg, Warrick, guy at the wedding, countless others, and, oh yeah, GRISSOM. Grissom Grissom Grissom.
The truth is I do like Grissom. I'm strangely attracted to him, though he's much older than me. It's called an Electra complex. My unfilled need for a father figure growing up has definitely affected my relationship as an adult. Grissom is like a father to me, and nothing more. It's Nick I love. I flirt with other people because I'm self-conscious and need to feel loved, or at least adored and wanted. I've said it before: I look for approval in all the wrong places, and choose men who are emotionally unavailable. I watch Nick out of the corner of my eye when I'm flirting with someone in front of him. It looks like he's blocking it out, and I hope that he's thinking, why can't that be me. But I'm afraid he's thinking, she doesn't want me. And that's why I need to stop. But I can't. I can't stop, dammit.
Sign Nine: You don't mind that he's heard you singing.
It's true that I sing without knowing it, but not all the time. I know perfectly well when I'm singing around Nick Stokes. I'm trying to make him fall in love with me, and I've heard it's little things like that that do it. In all the movies I've seen, and all the romance novels, the guy falls in love with the girl over this little quirk she has – the way she laughs; the way she stands; her sense of humor. So I sing. And I pray in my mind it's working.
Sign Ten: When he gets buried alive (which sometimes happens, you know), you realize you could never live again if he died.
The worst day of my life, besides my father being murdered. I couldn't believe what I heard, and what I saw on the monitor. My Nicky, buried alive in a tiny glass coffin underground somewhere. And we had to find him. Never before had our investigating skills been so important. Someone we knew was missing, and could die. I get accused all the time of feeling too much for the victim. I can't help it, even with just a regular old Jane Doe. I'm connected to that victim, because I've been there. I know what it feels like to be so helpless, not knowing what to do. Wanting to do something, but knowing you can't. So you can imagine how torn up I was when someone I actually knew, that I was IN LOVE with, was trapped. I wanted to die right then. I literally cannot imagine living my life now without him. Thank God he was okay, thanks to the team working together. When he got out, I wanted to run and jump on him and kiss him all over, even with all the ant bites, but I knew I couldn't. That's the way it always was, but hopefully not the way it will always be. Someday I'll get the guts, or he'll get the guts. Someday.
So there you have it, ladies. I'M IN LOVE WITH NICK STOKES! I want to shout it out to the world, but it is our little secret. Now I just have to go lay down and dream of my next encounter with the one and only…Nick Stokes.