Author Notes: To all those LITERAL people out there: I know this pairing will NEVER work in a HUNDRED BILLION MILLION years. It's called HUMOR. …And insanity.

Lots and lots of insanity.

;;Dearly Beloved;;

A Fan Fiction by

Chaotic Reasoning

Dedicated to my Crazy Insane Family

Who taught me it was OK to dance in my undies

Don't let your friends tell you why
Cause I'm a bad bad bad - I'm the one
Oh, but baby you can turn it on

Love me Like You, Magic Numbers

Prolouge

Katara was lying on a flying bison when the small carrier pigeon crashed into Sokka's head.

"OW!…Hey, dinner!"

"Wait!" Katara cried, grabbing the pigeon. "It has a letter." Katara took the bird and unwound the message on its leg.

This is what it said:

Dear Katara,

How are you? Are you eating four square meals a day? Is Sokka using Elephant leaves for his bed wetting problem? I took great pains to find a bird intelligent enough to find you and Sokka, so I hope this message gets to you. The reason for my urgency is well…I'm getting married.

Now, don't be alarmed Katara. It wasn't a sudden thing. For the past few months I've been exchanging letters with a very nice man. His name is Iroh—the uncle of the Fire Nation Prince. (He says that Zuko isn't all that bad just a little impulsive.) Anyhow, a few days ago he purposed to me.

And I said yes.

I'm hoping you can make some time to attend our wedding.

Love,

Gran-Gran

Katara read the letter again. And again.

And again.

Then, she passed out.

Sokka poked her head. "Uhm, Katara, can I eat the pigeon now?"

"You're WHAT?"

Iroh backed away. Slowly. His nephew was not taking this lightly.

"Now, now Zuko I'm sure you'll understand when…" Oh dear. Smoke was seeping out of his nostrils.

"YOU'RE MARRYING AN OLD PEASANT HAG? WHO IS THE GRANDMOTHER OF THAT…GIRL?"

Iroh sighed. "As it happens, Kanna is a very kind hearted and beautiful woman. Like her daughter. You know Prince Zuko if you and her…"

"No."

"But she's…"

"No!"

"Couldn't you even…?"

"I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER LOVING A BRAT LIKE HER! AND YOU'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!"

Zuko slammed the door. Iroh sighed deeply, and fixed himself a cup a tea.

That went better than expected, he thought sipping the tea.