As usual, I do not own any of these characters. This Fanfic is for fun. The Characters (with the exception of the Ewls Family) are the property of JK Rowlings.
Harry Potter and the Temple of the Holy Cross
Chapter 9, Hermione's Secret
Ron and Harry found Hermione to be quite grouchy over the course of the next week as time progressed toward their baptism. They were not the only ones who found Hermione to be depressed. The night after serving her detention with Professor McGonagall, she told off Lavender and Parvati for giggling too loud in the common room. No one but Ron dared to try and speak to her for fear of being snapped at.
What was even stranger was that she didn't even touch her homework at all that week. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, her books and parchment had just laid spread out in front of her on a table in the common-room, while she sat and affectionately pet Crookshanks. Her cat, it seemed, was the only one in the whole school that she was not in some way angry with.
With Ron, Hermione was not in the best of moods, though he attempted to ignore this and comfort her anyways; which, although she did not show it openly, she welcomed in spite of their newfound religious differences. It seemed that religion was not the only issue motivating her current depression; it was now Thursday and Hermione was beginning to look sick. For the past three days she had awoken to upset stomachs and uncontrolled vomiting, which usually cleared up by her first classes.
Rod advised that she see Healer Ewls and obtain some potion; Hermione, however, was not about to associate with anyone with the last name 'Ewls.' On Thursday morning, Hermione looked more than sick; her social disposition was even more quiet than usual. She refused to talk to anyone, even Ron. Upon her face was a look of fear, the reason for which, Ron could not seem to pry from her.
"'Mione, I just want to help," Ron told her as they sat next to each other common-room Thursday Evening before Quittich tryouts. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing Ron!" she snapped, indicating to Ron that this was the end of the discussion.
As Hermione's happiness sank, so too did Ron's which did not help his performance at the Gryffindor Quittich tryouts that were held after classes ended. This being said, Harry still allowed him the position of Gryffindor keeper, in lieu of the fact that no one else seemed to be able to do much better than he, and that in the past he had proved himself as quite an excellent keeper.
Harry was well-pleased with his team which proved to work quite well together. Ginny had returned as chaser, Harry as seeker, Ron as keeper. Thaddeus Ewls joined the team as a beater; he was the only member of his family who even cared about Quittich, as the rest were fans of the American game Quidpog.
After returning from the pitch, Harry and Ron figured that they would try and convince Hermione to join the both of them in visiting Hagrid. As they walked together, joined by Thaddeus Ewls, and Ginny who was walking hand-in-hand with Elliot who had come to watch the tryouts, Hermione waited for them on the slope between the school and the Quittich Pitch. Ron's heart leapt, he had not expected Hermione to leave the common room in light of her apparent depression. Ron ran to her and gave her a kiss; Hermione returned with a half-hearted hug; after breaking apart from her, Ron noticed tears in her eyes. By now, Harry and the other three had joined Ron and Hermione.
"What's wrong?" Asked Ron.
Hermione ignored his question and set her eyes on Harry.
"Can I talk to you alone?" She asked.
"er… sure," Harry replied exchanging a confused look with Ron, whose expression also bore a combination of nervousness and resentment at the fact that Hermione would want to keep something from him.
Harry and Hermione walked together to the 2nd floor bathroom which was deserted constantly on the count of Moaning Myrtle who, to Hermione and Harry's luck, was apparently off haunting somewhere else. Hermione did not look directly at Harry, and seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him, tears glistened her eyes and her face gave a look of both fright and shame.
"Harry I'm… I…" She stuttered at first. "I don't know how to say this."
"What is it?" Harry asked trying to look sympathetic.
"I can't tell Ron."
"Why not, what is it?"
"He won't understand, he won't believe me," Hermione said her eyes finally made contact with him and were pleading, begging for his understanding. "Harry please, whatever I tell you please believe me I didn't do anything Wrong." She began to sob; she brought her hand up to her face to attempt to cover her crying. Harry responded by placing his arm around her shoulder comfortingly.
"I believe you, what is it, what happened?"
She paused for what, to them, seemed like an eternity. She could not, at first bring herself to say it. The expression of her face was again one of shame, but more of a resigned shame. She gained composure and control over her tears for a brief moment in order to say…
"I'm pregnant."
Harry's eyes widened to the extreme, the shock was overwhelming. He understood immediately why she wouldn't tell Ron.
"What? Oh Merlin!"
"Harry please try to understand, I…"
"So Ron's the father?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know!"
"I've never had sex Harry!" Hermione protested; at this, Harry was unsure of what to say, his arm was still around her shoulder comfortingly. He did not know how to comfort her, he was at a loss for words, he wanted to advise her to see Reverend Ewls; surely he would know what say, what to do, but he knew that Hermione would never want to go along with that. He merely fell back on the one technical question which plagued his mind.
"How is that possible?" he asked.
"I don't know, maybe there's a spell or a charm, or a curse or something," She said as she started to lose control of her emotions and broke down into a flood of tears. Harry took her into his embrace and stroked her hair comfortingly. "I'm so scared," She moaned.
"It's okay Hermione, I believe you, I'm here," was all he could say, though from her continued sobbing, it was clear that his words gave little comfort. "Ron's with you Hermione, we'll go through this together."
"Ron won't understand, Harry."
"You didn't do anything wrong!"
"Do you think Ron will believe that?"
"Of course," Said Harry. "Look, there's got to be a charm, or a spell or a curse; come on let's go to the library. We'll tell Ron when we have the evidence."
The two of them went immediately to the library, not caring that they were violating the new rule about traveling in groups of three. They managed, however, to avoid any of the patrolling teachers, and were stopped by Luna Lovegood who offered to accompany them to the library in order to avoid being told off by Madam Pince. After arriving, at Harry and Hermione's request, Luna went to another section of the Library while they plowed through book after book looking for some way that Hermione's pregnancy could have been conceived without intercourse.
After a few hours, Luna apparently found two other Ravenclaws and left, Hermione and Harry did not care. They searched and searched well into the night, finally giving up just before the library closed. Harry was frustrated at the lack of evidence, Hermione had long-since resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going to find anything. Her eyes were dry; there were no more tears for her to cry. In anger, Harry slammed his hand upon the table at which he sat.
"I can't find anything Hermione!"
"That's because it's not there," Hermione said in resignation. "There are several fertility charms but all of them still require sexual intercourse for full effectiveness. There is no conception charm, or curse; which means there's only one way I could have gotten pregnant."
"Is it possible that you just can't remember?"
"What does the Muggle author say? 'When you have removed the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?'" she said, her tear ducts were once again becoming active, a small drop of tear fell from her face; she didn't fight it but sat in her chair resigned. "I've read about people selectively forgetting things in order to cope with traumatic experiences, it happens with psychological patients suffering from Dissociative Fugue or Dissociative Identity Disorder. I guess it's possible, I would never consent to have sex with anyone, even Ron, so I must have been assaulted; that would definitely qualify as a traumatic experience."
Both of them now feared the inevitable truth which stood before them. As Hermione came to realize this, her hand began to tremble. Harry's heart beat at a mile-a-minute as he would have to, once again, mediate between his best friends.
"We have to tell Ron," Harry said.
"I know," Hermione said in despair. "But he won't understand, you know him, he'll jump to conclusions."
"I don't think so Hermione," Harry responded. "I think that he'll be scared, but I don't think he'll think any less of you. And we have to tell…"
"No!" Hermione protested. "I don't want to tell anyone else, not yet."
"Hermione, it's not like you can hide it for long," Harry told her. "It's better that people know now before you start showing."
"I know, I just…" Hermione began but then paused. She brought her hand to her eye and wiped away an escaping tear. Harry placed his arm on her shoulder. "I'm so afraid, what will people say? How will people respond to this?"
Harry nodded in understanding. Harry new all to well that the Hogwarts student body was famous for its uncanny ability to jump to false conclusions. Harry sympathized perfectly with Hermione; they could not, however, keep it a secret. Certain people in the school had to know, this much was certain to both of them. Hermione, however, was still unsure that she was ready to tell even Harry. Harry, however, had an idea.
"Why don't we tell someone we know we can trust? Someone who's always been there for us, someone we know won't leave us." Harry suggested.
"Who?" Hermione asked.
Hagrid's night had thus far been easy, after visiting his half-giant brother Grawp in the Forbidden Forest, he settled in front of his fire with a bottle of Firewiskey. After a few drinks he would turn in for the night. He had hoped to visit with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, that day but he suspected that their N.E.W.T. level classes would be handing them out enormous amounts of homework, and that their visits this year would be sporadic at best. He did not, therefore, expect to hear the knock at his door that he did. He was moderately surprise as he arose and began to walk to the door.
"I'm commin, I'm commin."
He opened the door revealing Hermione and Harry coming out from under Harry's invisibility cloak.
"Oh, Hello," Hagrid said. "Where's Ron? Yer two shouldn' be wonderin round the grounds without a third person." He then noticed the grave looks on their faces. "Is sommat wrong?"
"There's something we have to talk to you about, Hagrid," Harry said.
Hagrid nodded, "Of Course, come in, I'll fix yeh both up a glass o tea."
Harry and Hermione sat down in various chairs within the main room of Hagrid's cottage. Harry's face was grave, Hermione's frightened. Hermione was shaking, unsure of what Hagrid would tell her. She had always loved and trusted Hagrid but she feared that he, like she felt Ron would, would reject her innocence, call her a liar and cast her out of his friendship and confidence. Hagrid detected fear in her face, but was clueless as to its source. He had known her for six years now and had never seen such fear in her eyes. Her hand was trembling, the remnance of tears glistened her eyes. Harry tried to give her comforting looks but nothing seemed to help. Hagrid handed the two of them each a glass of tea and then proceeded to sit in another chair, which he slid across the floor so as to face Hermione whom he could tell was to be the subject of the visit.
"What seems ter be the trouble?"
Hermione began to breath more quickly as her mind thought of what to say, when the words finally came to her, more tears reinforced the ones glistening her eyes, and fell down her face.
"Hagrid, before I tell you I need to know something?"
"Alright,"
She started to break down; Harry stood and quickly moved to her chair, kneeling before her, holding her hand. Hagrid did the same, holding her other hand.
"It's alright Hermione, Hagrid's here," Hagrid said comfortingly.
"I need to know, that you won't hate me (sniff) that you won't desert me, or call me a liar (sob), please," She pleaded. "I need you now more than ever, please."
"Of course not Hermione, I'm here for yer, we all are."
Hermione tried to find within herself the courage to tell Hagrid what was required of her.
"I… I'm," she started but before she could get any further she broke down even more, sobbing into Harry's shoulder.
"We're here Hermione, it's okay, we're not leaving you," Harry replied.
She uncovered her head from Harry's shoulders, tried to look Hagrid in the eye, but failed. She looked down to her lap in a resigned shame.
"I'm pregnant," She then began to cry hard again, Harry stroked her hair, Hagrid—as she feared—gave a look of resigned disappointment. She rushed to regain her composure again in order to speak, "Oh Hagrid, please don't hate me, please don't be mad at me please don't…"
"Hermione, I'm not mad at yer," Hagrid said in a voice pretending to be comforting. "I'm disappointed I'll admit, but not mad. You kid's these days I swear! Is Ron the Father?
"That's the thing Hagrid," Harry broke in. "We don't know who the father is, as far as her memory is concerned, and I believe she's telling the truth of course, she's a virgin."
"Well, obviously I'm not a virgin, there is no charm, or spell, or curse that can do this," She began. "I seriously doubt this is a matter of muggle artificial incrimination, so I must have had sex somehow, but I can't remember ever being with Ron or anyone."
Harry then gave a look as if to say he had figured something out, "behold a virgin will conceive, and bear a son," he muttered to himself.
"What Harry?" Hermione asked.
"There has to be a spell of some sort," Harry began. "It may not be in the library or even fully understood, but it does exist.""
"Harry what're yeh talkin about?"
"Hagrid you're a Christian right?"
"Yeah but…"
"Then you know that magic is the medium for God's miracles."
"Well yeah but…" He then paused in mid sentence and pondered for a second, he had caught on. "The Virgin Mary."
"That's right."
"But ter my understandin of the scripture, that only happened once."
"I'm just saying it's possible."
"But it doesn't matter!" Proclaimed Hermione. "I'm going to have a baby, I don't know who the father is, maybe I'll never know, I honestly believe that I was assaulted, but I'm still going to have a baby."
"She's right Harry," Proclaimed Hagrid. "And we have to tell Professor McGonagall."
Hermione's look then became frightened, "Hagrid do we have to really?"
"Hermione, yer gonna give birth well before the school year's out, right about the same time you'll be thinkin about yer N.E.W.T.'s," Hagrid begins. "The school can give yer and extension on yer N.E.W.T.'s, plus there's no honest way to hide it. Does Ron know?"
"You know how Ron jumps to conclusions," Hermione spoke. "We were going to tell you first."
"Well that's fine," Hagrid replied. "But Ron's yer boyfriend, he especially has ter know, he has a choice ter make now."
At this moment, Hermione began to cry the hardest she had to this point. She knew—indeed she had known all along—that Ron, of all people, had to know. It did not, however, fully hit her that the relationship they had enjoyed together for three months would probably end in a hail of tears in only a few short hours. In her mind, over the course of the past few months, she had conjured images of flowers and wedding robes, and a future of raising children with him, and now because of his trademark stubbornness, it was inevitable, she felt, that he would leave her. She lost control of herself, Hagrid brought his huge arm around her shoulder to keep her calm while she cried into his oversized chest.
"Hagrid I'm afraid," she said through her tears.
"I know," Hagrid replied. "But I'm here for yeh, we all are. Everything will work itself out, it'll all be alright. After yeh've told Ron, we'll all four of us, including Ron, go ter McGonagall together, then we'll all put our heads tergether and decide what's best for yeh."
Hermione managed to calm herself down slightly before looking to Hagrid with her tear glazed eyes, her mouth giving a tiny resemblance of a smile.
"Thank You Hagrid."
Harry and Hermione arrived back at the dormitories by midnight. Noticing that Ron had not waited for them, they retired to their beds. As she lay in bed, Crookshanks cuddling up against her leg, Hermione glanced at the picture of her and Ron, both smiling at waving at her. The Ron in the photograph gave the Hermione in the photograph a kiss, they were so happy together. Hermione prayed silently to whatever god would listen that Ron would not leave her over this. After her silent prayer she eventually sobbed herself to sleep.
The next morning was difficult for both Harry and Hermione. Both apparently had not gotten much sleep, and Hermione was sick as usual. Ron met Harry in the common-room before breakfast while Hermione was off in the bathroom, attending to her morning ritual of throwing up.
"Where's 'Mione?" Ron asked.
"er… sick again."
"Again! I wonder what's wrong," Ron exclaimed. "I wish she would tell me."
Hermione emerged into the common-room. As more and more Gryffindors left for breakfast, the common-room was fast becoming empty. Hermione approached Harry and Ron, her eyes fixed upon Ron, a look speaking of both fear and sincerity penetrated his mind causing curiosity and anxiety to form within his heart.
"Ron there is something we need to discuss," She said as tears began to glisten her eyes.
"Alright," Ron nodded, his expression, one of confusion.
The three found a corner of the common-room and sat together. Hermione sat in a sofa next to Harry, Ron pulled an easy char to within a few inches of Hermione and took her hands into his own.
"What is it?" Asked Ron.
Ron detected her hands beginning to shake under the grasp of his own, adding to his confusion as he detected the obvious fear residing within her.
"Ron," She began. "We've never been… well… together, have we? Not like… you know."
"What do you mean, 'Mione?"
"We've never… er… you know what,"
"We've never had sex?" Ron guessed.
"Right."
"I think I'd remember if we did."
"I thought so too."
"Why do you ask?"
At this, Hermione did not begin to cry as she had when she had informed Harry and Hagrid. Rather, her expression was solemn; she braced herself for what she expected would be Ron's harsh reaction to her newfound revelation.
"Ron, this may be very difficult to understand," She began. "But please don't hate me, I didn't do anything wrong."
"What is it?" Ron asked, now looking quite confused.
Hermione's expression became almost resolved as she solemnly spoke at almost a whisper.
"I'm pregnant."
At first, Ron did nothing but stared into Hermione's eye with a confused look. After a few seconds, what his girlfriend was telling him finally struck him at his core. His face began to screw up, it seemed as though he experienced the whole rainbow of emotions. At first he was merely surprised, then shocked, then offended, then he felt utterly betrayed at the implications of her pregnancy. There was no possible way he could have been the father, Hermione seemed to admit that. It was, therefore, in Ron's mind, clear what had happened. Hermione had cheated on him, and she was—he was sure—seconds away from admitting that to him. He, on the other hand, was not about to let her hurt him in that way. It seemed, to him, that as long as he maintained dominant control over the situation, a kind of shield prevented his heart from any kind of pain. It was a shield of anger, defending his heart from ache.
"You're wha?" He said with a gasp of anger.
"Look I didn't mean for it to…" Hermione began defensively
"Na, what the hell are you saying?" Ron interrupted. "You didn't want to wait for me so you slept around did you? Whose the father eh?"
Ron had apparently underestimated his own intimidation. He had now let go of Hermione's hands and had apparently yelled so loudly at her that what few people who had remained in the common room were staring at them. Her eyes filled with fear as if Ron would strike her and tears began to fall from her face.
"Ron!" Harry interjected. "Calm down, it's not what you think it is."
"What is it like the Virgin Mary?" Ron said loudly and sarcastically. "Is this baby miraculously conceived? Hermione, you sicken me!"
At this, whatever control Hermione had over her emotions broke down and she erupted in a hard cry. Harry took her into his arms, she buried her face in his shoulder.
"Ron how dare you," Harry replied quite angrily. "When she needs you the most."
"Don't yell at me Harry, I'm not the one who fucked around!" Ron shouted. He then turned his powerful, angry stare at Hermione. "I may have been a prat Hermione, but at least I was faithful, at least… I… well… ah piss off!"
Ron stormed out of the common room. Hermione stood and marched toward the stairway leading to the girls' dormitory in tears, with the remaining Gryffindors in the room staring at her with intense curiosity. Upon arriving at her dormitory, she laid down upon her bed, her eyes came to the picture in which she and Ron were holding hands and waving happily. She extended her hand, grasped the picture and turned it on its face.
Meanwhile, Harry followed hard after Ron who was walking toward the Great Hall. As he saw him he ran toward him from behind, calling out to him. Upon hearing his name, Ron stopped and turned to face Harry.
"That was Christian forgiveness in action right there, Ron," Harry said sarcastically.
"I'll forgive her, but don't I have a right to be mad? It looks like the relationship's over," Ron replied.
"Ron she didn't do anything wrong."
"Takes two to tango Harry."
"She doesn't know who the father is."
"What does that tell me other than she's a nothing but a little bloody whore?"
At that, Harry's anger got the best of him, at the very moment—luckily enough for him—when they seemed to be the only two people in their little stretch of Hogwarts corridor, Harry raised his fist, and with a vivid thrust of energy, laid his friend out upon the floor. When Ron finally came to his senses in order to stand—a small patch of blood appearing upon his cheek where Harry had hit him—he eyed Harry with a look of surprised anger. Harry ignored this and regained control of himself as he continued calmly.
"Did it ever occur to you that she could have been raped?" Harry began. "She doesn't remember ever having sex with anyone. There's a verse I want you to consider before the baptism tomorrow Ron, Matthew 5:24, 'Leave thy gift before the altar and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother or sister, and then come and offer thy gift.' Now I know this all must scare you Ron, It scares me too, but Good heavens think about how scared she is."
At the moment when Ron was closest to interrupting Harry with a return punch of his own, his face became grave and thoughtful, the beginnings of tears were welting in his eyes as Harry continued.
"Think about what she has to go through Ron," Harry pleaded. "Now I'm going to go and try to get her to forgive you."
Harry then turned around and headed back toward the Gryffindor Tower. A tear escaped Ron's eyes as it finally occurred to him what he might had very well lost. He loved Hermione, he was convinced of that, and although the thought of his newfound responsibilities as surrogate father frightened him, and this fear seemed to manifest itself in irrational anger, he still loved her. As he pondered this, a longing came to him which made his heart ache as it had never done so before: he wanted her back; he, Ron, wanted to go back to her on his hands and knees begging for her forgiveness.
In despair he bowed his head, knowing that such was probably impossible, Hermione was not a Christian, she had no comprehension of Christian forgiveness, and she had a tendency to hold grudges. In tears, he then set off for the office of the only man whom he thought could help him.