Chapter 7

Overcompensating for Something?

Lily paced the common room. It was almost two in the afternoon, where was James? She hadn't seen any of his friends either, which caused her to assume they were either still out making merry or sleeping in their beds after a late night.

It was nearly dinner by the time James appeared, looking rather groggy but also exhilarated. He was talking excitedly with Sirius and Peter about something, but he stopped suddenly when he saw the look Lily shot him from the bottom of the staircase.

"James, I need to talk to you," she said in a voice that left no room for argument.

"Wha… ok," James replied, following her obediently out the portrait hole. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Take me to one of those hidden short cuts you are always using," she ordered. "I'd like some privacy."

James looked confused, but he had been dating the fiery redhead long enough to know when she meant business. He led her to a passage concealed behind a tapestry. Once they were inside Lily turned on him.

"You're a deer!" she hissed.

"I know I'm sweet," James replied, wondering why she had brought him all the way out here to tell him that.

"No, not dear as in sweet," Lily spat back, "deer, as in the animal. You're an animagus!"

The color drained from James' face in an instant. "How'd you find out?" he coughed through his shock.

"I saw you last night," she replied, still angry. "And Sirius and Peter too, by the Whomping Willow."

"Shit."

"You know it's illegal, right? I went to the library to check this morning, none of you are registered. And I somehow doubt you learned it the legal way, or took the Ministry test and got a license."

"So are you angry because I didn't tell you or because it is illegal?"

"Both! I want an explanation!"

"I can't give you one," he replied seriously. "It's not just me who is involved."

"Does Dumbledore know? Or McGonagall?"

The look on James' face told her that they didn't. "You aren't going to tell them, are you?" he asked in a horrified voice.

Lily almost laughed at the terror in his voice. "Not if you give me a reason not to."

"I already told you, I can't," said an exasperated James. "Look, I, we, did it for a friend. That's all I can tell you right now. Just, please, don't tell anyone."

It wasn't enough for Lily. He still hid something from her. "Fine," she seethed. "When you can tell me more, come find me, and then maybe we can discuss dating again too." She stormed back out through the tapestry, leaving a very stunned James in her wake.

It had been a week since the fight. Lily began to regret her actions, but she still couldn't hide the anger she felt about James refusing to tell her the truth. He was doing something illegal, for Merlin's sake. She deserved an explanation as to why she should continue dating a criminal. Her only consolation was that he seemed miserable too, though apparently not miserable enough to make him attempt to reconcile her with the truth. It was a pity, too. She had really liked him.

"Hey, Lily!" a friendly voice greeted from behind her. She turned around to see Remus walking back from class, his arms full of books. He looked tired, and had a few strange scratches on his face, but otherwise appeared healthier than the last time she had seen him.

"Hello, Remus, feeling better?"

"For now," he replied with a weak smile. "Lily, I was wondering if I could talk to you about James?"

Lily blinked once or twice in surprise. "I suppose he asked you to," she finally replied.

"Well, no actually. He's too good a friend to ask, but I can see how much you mean to him."

Lily was now intrigued enough to accept. She once again found herself inside a hidden short cut, this time stealthily concealed behind a suit of armor. She became even more intrigued when Remus cast an anti-eavesdropping charm around them.

"James tells me you saw him, Sirius, and Peter transform into their animagi forms."

Lily nodded, hoping he would continue without prompting.

"And I'm sure that raised a lot of questions, questions that I know he couldn't answer satisfactorily."

"He said all he could tell me was that he did it for a friend."

Remus smiled again. "He did, and that friend is me."

"But you were sick Friday night."

"I was, in a sense," Remus replied, the smile vanishing into a serious look. "Lily, please don't think of me any differently after I tell you."

"After you tell me what?"

"I'm a werewolf." The words seemed painful for him to say, and he paused after, maybe for dramatic effect, maybe to let them sink in. Lily had covered her mouth with her hands. Remus was happy to see that her face did not portray fear or loathing, but the shock and pity was nearly as bad.

"Remus, I'm so sorry." She wanted to be in disbelief, but even through the shock, all the clues suddenly made sense to her. She couldn't believe that she hadn't figured out he was always sick at full moon.

"I don't want your pity," he told her. "Just let me finish explaining. James and Sirius decided to become animagi because of me. Once they figured out why I was mysteriously sick every month, they couldn't stand the thought of me having to spend those full moon nights alone. And since werewolves are only dangerous to people, they decided that turning into animals was the only way. Believe me when I tell you that I tried to talk them out of it, at first. But I'm weak Lily. The thought of not having to be alone was too much of a temptation, and I soon found myself helping them figure out how to do it. They finally managed it, Peter too, in fifth year. Every full moon they sneak out of the castle to come stay with me. James couldn't tell you why he was an animagus because he didn't want to reveal my secret. He and Sirius can be very protective of me sometimes, and the last thing they want is for the school to know that I turn into a monster once a month."

Lily was unaware that her mouth was hanging open slightly as her brain processed the information. The lengths James had gone to in order to be there for his friend amazed her. There really was so much more to him than she knew. And she had broken up with him because of his loyalty to his best friend. "What did I do?" she moaned. "Remus, will he forgive me and take me back?"

"In a heartbeat," Remus replied, the smile returning to his face.

"And you, you decided to risk it and reveal your secret to me just so James could patch things up with me?"

"You have no idea how much James likes you," he replied, still smiling. "He's done so much for me. I'll never be able to properly repay him. At least I can help him be happy with you. Plus, this will avoid any further arguments about his whereabouts at certain times of the month."

"I don't care what the rest of the world says about werewolves, you're a great man, Remus!" She threw her arms around him in a friendly hug before pulling away. "Now, I'm going to go find James."

James lounged on the sofa in front of the Gryffindor common room fire, enjoying his free period. Lily slipped onto the cushion next to him. "I just had a talk with Remus," she told him.

James eyes flicked toward her, but his face remained unchanged.

"And I owe you a really big apology. It wasn't fair of me to give you that ultimatum. And despite that fact that it's still illegal, I have a new sense of respect for you. Not many people would go to such lengths for a friend. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course," he replied instantly, sliding over on the sofa to be closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him, so her head was leaning on his shoulder. "I would have told you, eventually," he whispered.

"Eventually?" she giggled.

"Yeah, like on my death bed," he joked, earning him a playful smack on the arm.

"I do understand why you couldn't tell me, though," she told him.

"You know you can't tell anyone, right? I mean, it's not that I don't trust you…"

"I won't tell anyone," she agreed. She felt his body relax a bit more, as he rested his chin on the top of her head. She could smell that lovely soapy, aftershavy, cologny smell again. "Am I the only person outside your group who knows?"

"No one else knows about three illegal animagi running loose at Hogwarts. Though some of the teachers know about Remus, oh, and Snape too, he knows about Remus."

"Severus? I can't believe you would tell him!"

"I didn't tell him," James responded gruffly. "Snape noticed Remus' absences, and had started sticking his large nose into matters that didn't concern him. Sirius thought it would be funny to tell Snape how to find out why Remus was so often ill."

"He didn't?"

"That's Sirius, never thinking of the consequences of his actions, rash. He was far too cheerful the day of that full moon. It took me forever to get him to confess what he had done, almost too long. I reached Snape right before he found Remus, but not before he had seen enough to figure out the truth."

"Remus would have killed him! How could Sirius treat that as a joke?"

"As I said, Sirius never thought of the consequences. Dumbledore forbid Snape from telling anyone what he saw, but it certainly hasn't endeared him any more to us."

"But you saved his life!"

"He thinks it was planned and I was in on it the whole time. He enjoys telling me that I must have lost my nerve and that I don't have the composition required to kill someone, even if he is my enemy."

"But you did save him," Lily repeated, feeling her heart swell with pride. "You hate Severus, but yet you saved him."

"I don't wish him dead, good and hexed maybe, but not dead. Though, I'd be lying if I played myself up as the hero. I was thinking more about Remus, Sirius, and myself. If Remus had killed Snape, even though he wasn't in his right mind, Dumbledore wouldn't have been able to allow him to stay at Hogwarts. And the consequences for Sirius wouldn't have been much better. He got two months worth of detention just for the attempt. He would have been expelled if it had panned out, and I probably would have been implemented in the crime as well."

"So, is that the last of the secrets?"

James chuckled. "Those are the two big ones. I usually don't open relationships with those two. I try to start smaller, give out little secrets, like the fact that I like to smell flowers."

"I'm sure those little secrets endeared you with the ladies," Lily laughed, "though I do have one last question. The antlers, they aren't overcompensation for something, are they?"

James' mouth dropped open in wordless shock at the question while Lily giggled. Finally, overcoming his surprise, he replied, "I can't believe sweet, innocent, Lily Evans just asked that."

She laughed outright at that.

"But if you want to play this game," James continued slyly, "just be warned that you've stepped into the master's territory." He continued on in complete seriousness, "fair is only fair, Lily, you got to see my rack, now I get to see yours."

Lily stopped laughing, and in a playful huff, gave James another smack on the arm. "Only if you answer my question first," she teased.

"Ok," he again replied seriously, reaching for the fly on his pants.

"Eeekk! No!" Lily screeched, covering her eyes. "I didn't think you actually would."

James laughed. "Then don't ask questions you don't want answers to. Remember, you are talking to the guy who helped Sirius invent strip Quidditch. I'm not shy."

"So I've noticed."