Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (well... duh!) and the lyrics at this fic are Lee Ann Womack's, The last Time.

The last time

You held me in your arms that afternoon. You looked into my eyes and I knew something was wrong. You wanted to say something. You couldn't. There were shadows, too many shadows in that mirage of green to let you speak. You kissed me. I barely kissed you back.

"Like an old abandoned ferris wheel
Time for me is standing still
It's you and me in mid-July
Underneath the midway lights
And all our friends are standing there
So, I was acting like I didn't care
When you put your arms around my neck
And I barely even kissed you back"

We walked next to each other, holding hands, without talking. Maybe you couldn't talk, after what had happened.

Maybe you were afraid of what you were going to deal with – Dumbledore's funeral, like all of us were. Maybe you were afraid that you would crack at the sudden realization of it all and you couldn't crack, you had to be strong… for us. You had to be the hero you always were.

Or maybe you just didn't want to talk because what you had to say was too hard… Because what you had to say would hurt me but much more, it would hurt you and you didn't need more pain now.

I tried to let go your hand and you tightened your grip on mine for a second and then you let go. I didn't give it much thought then, it was only later that I fully understood what your actions meant. You went to the funeral and I went to find Hermione and bring her too.

We met at the funeral again. We sat next to each other and you were still awfully quiet, scarily quiet… I couldn't tell what you were thinking during it, your face was blank. And I didn't see you crying either. Yes, you were the hero again, looking strong and determined… But was it what you really wanted?

And then, all of a sudden you turned and told me that we couldn't see each other any more because Voldermort would kill me and you would know that it was your fault. And I felt so disappointed to know that after all you still didn't understand that I didn't give a damn about what Voldermort did or would do to me, I didn't care. I wanted to scream in your ear that I didn't care…

But then how would I feel if you died and for some reason I blamed myself for that?

As I had known, it was about you carrying the responsibility to keep us all safe. And I comprehended that. But that didn't make the pain go away. And there was so much pain, in my eyes, in my voice, in my heart. I don't know if you noticed, you didn't show it if you did. Maybe you were in pain too…

As much as I understood your reasons of leaving I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop the pain and let you go. I just couldn't… From then on I wasn't feeling anything, no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no disappointment, no joy… All that I was feeling was the cold. Sometimes I would shiver at a cold no one else seemed to notice. And sometimes I would wonder if the cold was coming from inside of me, if it was what kept all of my feelings frozen. Sometimes I hated the cold. But sometimes I was grateful it was there, because even the cold is better than nothing, right?

"But if I had known it was the last time
I'd held on a little longer
And let that moment linger
And never let your fingers
Slip away from mine
If I had known there would never be another day
I'd watched you as you walked away
Kept you in my eyes till you were out of sight
If I had known it was the last time"

I watched you walking away. But you were not who I wanted you to be anymore, you were not my boyfriend anymore, even if I could not help loving you, perhaps for ever.

And all I wanted was to kiss you one more time, to hold your hand in mine, to curl my fingers around yours once more…To hear you telling me you loved me once, even if you've never told me that. I wanted to have one last moment of peace with you, just the two of us, before you go, perhaps forever.

If I had known that, that time by the lake, when we were not talking, a few seconds before the funeral started, would be the last time I would be with you like that, I would have kissed you properly, hugged you tightly.

But I wouldn't have tried to never let go again. Because I know your destiny. I know who you are and what you must do even if you've never told me. I knew it all from the beggining. And maybe a tiny part of me kept telling me that I would eventually get hurt, I didn't listen to it. And I'm glad I didn't. Even if I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing. Because we were perfect. Flawless.

If only I had known then what I know now…

And now you're gone, somewhere with Hermione and Ron, trying to kill Voldermort. I'm happy for you. I'm happy you're trying to fulfill your aim. And I know that even if you hadn't asked me to break up with you, we would have to. Because no matter how much I love you I wouldn't have the courage to tell not to go. If you hadn't gone you would never be satisfied with yourself again, I know. And I wouldn't be able to live with that.

There's a molecule of faith somewhere inside of me and even if it's much too small to see, I know it's there. I don't know where it is but I hope I'll find it soon because it's the only thing that can set me free.

I just live with the hope that you'll succeed one day and you'll come back to me, like you do in my dreams. I just hope that one day everything will be ok again.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Don't forget to review and tell me what you all think:)