Chappy 1

Note: Set before the time of Harry Potter, when Voldy was in power, and all that jazz. Those who have read 'Callidora and the Dark Lord's Daughter' it has NOTHING to do with that, so push it out of your mind...though you can read and review as much as you like!

An empty room stood, with a single, long wooden table in the middle, with four comfortable chairs seated around two of the sides. A long sofa stood at the head of the table, with green velvet cushions, a defined arse mark on one half, and a dirt line running through the middle, where the arse mark side had stains and discolour, the other was pristeen green and spotless.

The great oak door to the room opened, and a tall, handsome man swept in. He walked over to the sofa, looked around for anyone else, then hitched up his robes and jumped on the green velvet, bouncing up and down until the door opened again. He reclined swiftly, his head leaning on the arm of the dirty half, and watched a small, nervous looking man sit in a chair at the far end of the table. The man sat with his hands clasped and head bowed, looking at the door from time to time, nervously.

The man on the sofa grinned cheekily. 'In trouble again, Rodolphus?'

Rodolphus nodded, sadly. 'Yes m'lord. I left earlier than she planned…' He chewed on his lip and reverted to staring at his lap.

Lord Voldemort snorted, and rolled onto his back, as yet another person entered the room. This time an elegant woman with silky brown hair tied back in a bun walked over to Voldy. She had a clipboard and a pen.

'Tom, I've had those people killed that you ordered, and you've got to decide whether or not to join forces with the giants. They've contacted me, and-'

'Oh Callie…giants? Really? God, next thing you know we'll be siding with Dementors…'

'Thomas, do you want to take over the world or not?'

Voldy nodded, glumly.

'Well then. I know best, I am your wife. Now get your grubby feet off my sofa!' She whacked his ankles with her clipboard and walked out.

'The name's Voldemort!' he called after her, and rolled his eyes at Rodolphus.

The door slammed open again and a pointy faced, pretty woman with black hair streaming behind her back marched in.

'RODDY! I have told you before, we leave when I say so!' Bellatrix Lestrange clouted her husband round the head and sat down next to him, whispering fiercely in his ear. Voldy chuckled again, and started picking at his nails.

Voices could be heard down the hall, growing ever closer as the last couple entered.

'No, darling, you look fabulous, how about me, is my mascara okay?'

'Well, it's a bit clumpy at the corner ofyour eye, but how's mine?'

'Gorgeous as ever, WAIT, no wait, you have an eyelash.'

'Oh my god, get it off.'

'Yes, I am, I-'

'Get it off, get it OFF!'

'There, gone. Beautiful again.'

'Gosh, I thought it was all over for a second then, oh hello Dark Lord, how are you this morning, quite a lovel-OH MY GOD, Narcissa, I chipped a nail!'

The immaculate white-blond haired couple, Lucius and Narcissa, panicked over the nail for 5 minutes, until Callidora came back in with their emergency fake nail kit. She applied the nail with careful precision, Lucius sweating all the while and Narcissa clinging onto his shoulder, petrified, then they sat at their places opposite Bella. Lucius looked at Callidora with grateful, longing eyes until Narcissa shoved an elbow in his ribs, causing him to readjust the position of the silk scarf round his neck.

Callidora sat on the sofa, and pushed Voldy's legs out of the way, knocking him onto the floor. He got back up, swearing under his breath, and crossed his legs, ready to daydream his way through yet another Death Eater meeting.

'Right.' Said Callie, once she'd finished announcing the news. 'Is there anything you'd like to add?'

Lucius put his hand up immediately. 'These new outfits we're getting, do they come with hat and bag?'

Narcissa butted in. 'Oh yes, and can we customise them?'

Bella scowled. 'There're more important things, Cissy, like killing all the dirty Mudbloods…grrrr' she pound her fist into her palm, anger glowing in her eyes. Roddy gulped and nodded, whilst Bella carried on. 'Not everything revolves around looks you know…'

Cissy and Lucius gasped, wide eyed. 'TAKE THAT BACK!'

'Make me!'

Roddy sighed as they started arguing, until Bella poked him, and he began repeating whatever she said.

Voldy sat there, amused, while Callie sighed and stood up.

'Before hair pulling begins again and I have to bring out the emergency wigs, can you STOP SQUABBLING, for once and focus? Bella, yes yes we all want to kill, and Cissy, Lucius, no there will not be a bag,-' their faces drooped. '-and customising will ruin the effect, but I think I can probably squeeze a hat if you want. Anything else of relevance? Rodolphus?' she smiled sweetly at him.

His eyes widened as he stared at her…'Erm, I, erm…you always talk to me so politely Callie, thank you….er, that's it.' His smile vanished and he stared at his lap again. Bella jabbed him with her wand.

'You big pansy.'

Callie went on. 'Oooook then…Tom, anything to add, as 'chairman'?'

Voldy looked up, having not been listening. 'Half past three?'

'Riiiiight…well, ok then. Meeting adjourned! Good work everybody, can everyone stay behind to clear up the cups and plates in the kitche-oh sugar.'

Everyone had Disapparated.