Title: Nothing Says I Love You Quite Like a Vasectomy.
Rating: M
Beta: melanie39.
Pairing: Ryan/Missy.
Disclaimer: I don't own The OC, Ryan or Benjamin McKenzie.
Set: AU humor/smut with a hint of plot.
Notes: This is the TBC? after Breaking The Cycle. Remember this is an AU...so Ryan and Theresa never happened here.
Nothing Says I Love You Quite Like a Vasectomy.
Part 2
Ryan opened the door to the motel room and found Missy sitting cross-legged on the bed. He dumped the paper bags down next to her and climbed onto the bed."See, told you I wouldn't be long." He leaned over and kissed her. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I've just been thinking about stuff."
"Me too." Ryan pulled one of the bags over to him and upended it. Boxes of condoms and testing kits rained down from the bag and fell at Missy's feet. Ryan blushed slightly and swept all the condoms onto the floor. Missy picked up one of the kits.
"How many of these did you buy?"
"I didn't know which one to get so I covered our bases." Ryan gave her a crooked half-smile.
Missy picked up each one and examined it carefully. Ryan sat quietly and watched. She stacked them up and placed them on the nightstand next to the bed.
"As I said, Ryan, I've been thinking." She turned and faced Ryan.
"Whatever the outcome of the test is then this is going to change us, right? I mean things will never be the same again for us after this. We'll be too damn scared to be free and easy again if I'm not, and if I am…"
Missy let the words hang in the air. Ryan swallowed.
" If I am …pregnant, then we have to make decisions, big decisions and I'm not sure I'm ready for that right now."
"What are you saying?" Ryan asked.
"Well, I don't know about you but I've been looking forward to this vacation for weeks. Two weeks on the road, just us, with no distractions, but if I take this test and it's positive then things will change, right? I'm not sure I want to know yet. Can we just forget about this and just be us for the next two weeks?"
Ryan felt his stomach flip-flop again as it had been doing on and off since this morning's little revelation. He didn't want to wait; he wanted to drag Missy into the bathroom to take the damn test right away. He needed to see if he'd fucked up his life some more through his blatant stupidity. He stared at Missy as she looked uneasily into his face. And that's when it hit him - that he hadn't only potentially fucked up his own life but Missy's as well, and hell, if they were going to have the baby he'd probably fuck that up too. He felt sick.
"Ryan?" Missy questioned. He realized that she was waiting for him to say something. As much as Ryan wanted to ask her just to take the test right away he knew he couldn't. This wasn't about him. He wouldn't have ultimately to make the choice whether to keep the baby or have a termination. He wouldn't be the one carrying a child for nine months, then having to go through God knows how many hours of excruciating labor. And as much as he was willing to do whatever was needed, he wasn't the one who was going to be tied up for at least the next eighteen years. What was another two weeks in the grand scale of things?
Ryan hugged Missy close. "Whatever you want, Missy, whenever you're ready."
He felt Missy relax for probably the first time since this morning and he realized that he'd made the right choice. Fourteen days was not long…right?
Ryan spent most of that night awake. They'd gone to bed early, after eating, and fallen asleep pretty much immediately. It seemed the best thing to do, as a huge white elephant had entered the room and had sucked all conversation out of them. Acting normally for the next two weeks was obviously not going to be easy with the looming spectre of a baby hanging over their heads. At 2a.m. he'd woken and prospect of further sleep had vanished.
He tossed and turned, unable to stop his mind working in overdrive. Finally, as his watch hit 4a.m., he'd decided to get up so he didn't disturb Missy. He pulled his jeans on and snuck outside for one of his illicit cigarettes. As he sat on the curb one turned into four, the smoke gradually calming his jangling nerves. He had a silent argument with himself as he puffed away. He could seriously kick his own ass. What could be easier than sliding a thin sheath of latex over his dick? Okay, there was something un-sexy about having to stop and grope around for a condom and then there was the whole embarrassment of having a girl watch in fascination and sometimes amusement as you rolled it on, but that was definitely preferable to this feeling. If he'd just done that then this wouldn't be happening. He'd be having the time of his life with his girlfriend on vacation instead of sitting in the dark sneaking cigarettes. There was a time in the not so distant past when he was just damn grateful whenever he got the chance to tear the edge off a little square of foil because it meant that he was going to have sex. And wearing one wasn't so bad. Okay, so it was like taking a dive into the pool with your clothes on but if the weather was hot enough, then the cool wetness of the water was just as refreshing with your body covered. When had he become such a purist?
He flicked his cigarette into the parking lot and got up with a sigh. Well, it was too late now to rethink his actions. What would be would be. He opened the door to the room quietly and listened to the deep, even breathing coming from the bed. He crept past into the bathroom to pee. Missy had moved all the tests onto the cistern of the toilet at some point in the night, Ryan looked balefully at them. One of these small, long thin boxes would tell his fate in less than fourteen days. It was hard to believe that something that cost less than five dollars could hold so much sway over him and as he stood there he began to ponder on how something so cheap could purport to be ninety nine percent accurate. He began to panic…what if these things weren't accurate? How accurate could just peeing on something be? What if it lulled them both into a false sense of security – told them that they had joyfully avoided becoming teen parents only to find that a couple of months later Missy started to get thick around her middle? What if he'd bought substandard tests? What the fuck did he know about such things…the drug store had been like an oven inside, maybe these things needed to be kept cool to work properly? Ryan picked up a box and scanned the myriad of small print to check. It said that they had to be kept at room temperature but that store had been hotter than the sun. What if that affected the results? He opened the box, took out the leaflet inside, and continued to read - it all seemed very scientific, mentioning human chorionic gonadotrophins and implantation at every turn but Ryan's scientific brain told him that any science test worth its results needed a control to make sure. His tired eyes squinted at the packet and read the instructions…. hmm ten seconds, he could manage that if the pressure in his bladder was anything to go by. What better control subject than him?
He tore open the foil wrapping and pulled out the plastic wand unclipping the end, exposing the papery strip. He unzipped and counted to ten. Then came the delicate operation of finishing peeing, tucking himself away whilst maintaining a hold on the test with one hand. There was a reason men weren't supposed to multitask, he thought, as he narrowly avoided dropping the test into the bowl. Now all he had to do was wait for three minutes to see if this thing was useless as a chocolate fireguard. By rights this thing should show an invalid reading as he sure as hell hoped he had no female hormones in his body. He was staring so intently at the white and blue plastic stick in his hand that he didn't hear the door open behind him.
"Please tell me you're not pregnant as well?" Missy's amused voice made him jump and drop the wand on the floor.
"I was…I was just…" Hell, he had nothing. The absurdity of the situation suddenly hit him and he quickly dropped the test into the trash. He turned and gave a sheepish smile to Missy. She shook her head at him and retreated back into the bedroom. Ryan washed his hands and looked at his reflection in the mirror above the sink -one thing was for sure. By the end of the two weeks he was going to have to be committed, straightjacketed and the works because if this was day one then things were only going to get worse. He switched off the light and made his way to the bed. He pulled off his jeans and tried to ignore Missy giggling to herself. He eased himself under the covers and hoped that she never told this little story to Summer because then for sure Seth would find out and he'd never hear the end of it. He smiled into the darkness as Missy still emitted little chuckles of amusement.
"You know I'm going to make you regret laughing at me."
"But you looked so cute stood there waiting to see if the lines were going to come up…I just wished I could have seen your face if it had shown positive." Missy gave a yelp as Ryan launched himself onto her and started tickling.
"So you think it's funny, huh? I'll give you funny," Ryan growled, pinning her arms above her head with one hand so she couldn't struggle so much. He laughed as she started to beg for mercy.
And that's when his predilection for being on top of Missy reared its head. They both lay stock-still and processed this familiar sensation. Crap, he shouldn't be feeling remotely horny after the telling off he'd given his dick earlier but his member was no respecter of the situation they were in.
"Sorry." He went to roll off Missy but she wrapped her legs around his ass.
"What part of me wanting this vacation to be normal included a no sex rule?" Missy breathed into his ear.
"Isn't that what got us into this?" Ryan breathed back, desperately willing his dick to behave but only succeeding in making himself harder.
"No - what got us into this was you going ahead without wearing a condom and me letting you. I, for one, will go mad if you're planning on abstaining from sex the whole trip out of a sense of guilt. They do say it's a great stress reliever and if anyone needs a de-stress right now it's you. Need I remind you of what you were just doing in the bathroom?" Missy grinned up at him. "If I remember correctly we now have more than enough condoms if that will make you feel better… even though I'm safely back on the pill." Missy added.
"But…" Ryan started to argue.
"No buts. We agreed that we were going to continue this trip like this morning had never happened and that means doing what we do best at every opportunity. Look at it this way, it might be the last trip like this we get to take together."
Ryan bit his lip as Missy shifted her hips and started to grind her taut stomach up into him. Sweat started to form on his brow, he was powerless against grinding.
"Come on baby, you know you want to and it won't change anything. Please." Missy wheedled.
"You sure we should be doing this?" he asked.
"I'm the one begging you, remember?" Missy chuckled.
"Maybe I like you begging me?" he said softly.
"You think I don't know what pushes your buttons by now?" Missy reached over and cupped her hand around his balls. He groaned as she rolled them in her palm and pulled at the soft skin surrounding them - he knew he was sunk when her mouth found his and she entwined her tongue around him.
Ryan flipped over and grabbed down at the floor where his panic induced bulk drugstore purchases lay. He picked up a box and pulled off the cellophane with his teeth, he extracted one and kept it in his hand as he turned back to Missy.
"Okay, but I'm definitely wearing a condom from now on, just in case…you know…"
"I never thought I'd hear those words from your lips, Ryan."
"Get used to it…." Ryan busied himself with untangling himself from the sheets and unfurling the condom onto himself.
"I wish I had a tape recorder to get this down for posterity." Missy said as she shucked off her tee.
"You think I really know what I'm saying at this point?" Ryan tossed the discarded foil over his shoulder and sat with his hard cock in his hand. God, he was so weak, he thought to himself. Half an hour before he was swearing off sex for life and now he was desperate for it.
He pushed Missy down onto the bed and started to thrust his way inside. Something came to him with a blinding flash and he pulled out before he got half way in making sure he held the condom on as he did so.
"Ryyyaaan?" Missy sat up as he knelt between her thighs with a frown on his face. "What now?"
"Is it safe? I mean…if you are…" He choked on the word. "Pp-pregnant…is it safe to …you know …do it like we normally do or do we have to take it slow or something? I don't want to hurt it if you are…you know."
Missy couldn't see in the gloom of the room but she was pretty sure he was blushing for what was probably the tenth time today. She was torn between wanting to laugh at him and wanting to cry. What he said was so sweet and naïve. For an intelligent man he was so obviously out of his depth, but that comment was pure Ryan.
"Admittedly, you are pretty healthy but I'm sure even your dick can't hurt something which probably is less than a millimetre long at the moment … if I am pregnant, and we don't even know I am, yet."
Missy watched as he stared at her stomach. It was as if he was processing this new information. She was dismayed as he finally pulled his eyes away and removed the condom from his rapidly softening dick.
"Oh shit…I can't do this." The enormity of it all hit him again, killing any desire he'd had. He flopped back onto the mattress and covered his eyes with his hand.
"Oh Ry, you're just freaking out again. It'll be okay." Missy reassured although her voice didn't sound so sure.
Ryan propped himself up on his elbow.
"I'm sorry, I'm the one who should be comforting you. I just can't get it out of my head that we might be having a baby. Shit Missy…we could be having a baby. It doesn't get much bigger than that, does it?"
Missy wrapped her arms around herself.
"Do you love me?"
"God… yes!" Ryan sat bolt upright.
"And I love you. So, whatever the outcome, whether we decide to keep it or whatever, we'll still love each other?"
"Of course." Ryan frowned.
"So we'll be the same as before, nothing has changed …really changed between us. It's just there might be a third person in this relationship to love?"
"Yeah, I guess…"
Then Missy went and said something that just about killed him.
"You'd be a great father," she said quietly but with conviction.
Ryan lay back on the bed poleaxed. Missy thought he'd make a good father. No one had ever shown that level of conviction about him over something so huge before.
"You think?" Ryan turned his head towards Missy.
Missy laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.
"Yeah, I think. You know I've never told anyone this before but I fell pregnant when I was eighteen. I didn't even tell the guy about it. I just broke up with him because he was such a loser. Just the thought of that fucker fathering a child made my blood run cold. So I went and had a termination and never felt any real remorse over my decision but this is different, Ryan. As much as this scares the shit out of me, part of me is so happy that this has happened again, that it's with you." Missy shifted against him. " I'm already imagining you building tree houses for this kid. I can picture you teaching him to ride a bike, showing him how to play soccer and actually understanding what it does mean to be a proper father not like some of the ass holes I've been with in the past -who quite frankly would have run off five minutes after I told them I had missed a period. Stupid, huh?" Missy faltered. " I mean, I'm not saying that no matter what I want to keep him if I am pregnant, but, you know…I'm coming around to the idea that it wouldn't be the worse thing in the world if we did want to keep it. I know I've had longer to think about this than you but that's what I feel."
Ryan tightened his arms around her, touched at what she'd just told him.
"So, it's a boy, huh?" His voice managed an unattractive break as he spoke. He cleared his throat.
"Yeah…a scruffy mini you with a mop of blond hair and a cheeky grin. Scrapes on his knees and scuff marks on his shoes, the works."
Ryan laughed.
"But what if I want a girl, a little fireball with blond hair, a temper and a knack for getting into trouble just like her mom?"
"Trust me, Ryan, you wouldn't want a mini me. I ran my mother ragged." Missy propped herself up on Ryan's chest. "Seriously though, Ryan, there are worse things that could have happened."
So Missy had skipped past the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers and the fact that he'd have to give up all hope of going to college and get a job to support them. But as Ryan thought about it there were worse things in life to contend with. He'd lived through them, as had Missy, and she did paint an attractive picture. The tight band that had been clamped around his chest since hearing the news loosened and he felt himself breathe properly for the first time.
He pulled her up so she was level with his mouth and kissed her.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Missy asked, when they came up for air.
"For making me see that you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, that I'm an ass for freaking out so much over this and for making me see that we'll get through this."
Missy smiled at him.
"So, are you going to kiss me again?"
Ryan puckered up, then pulled back.
"Did you just say all that so you could get into my pants?" he asked indignantly.
Missy gave him a wink.
"You're right…I've changed my mind. I don't want a mini Missy, she'd wrap me around her little finger just like her mother."
Missy smirked.
"Just grab a condom and hope I'm not having twins."
Ryan slapped her on the ass. "If you have twins, you're on your own."
And although he still felt like he was drowning but at least he was coming up for air now.
TBC