Title: Nothing Says I Love You Quite Like a Vasectomy.
Rating: M
Beta: melanie39.
Pairing: Ryan/Missy.
Disclaimer: I don't own The OC, Ryan or Benjamin McKenzie.
Set: AU humor/smut with a hint of plot.
Notes: This chapter is very smutty.

Nothing Says I Love You Like a Vasectomy

Part 3

Julius Humbucker looked at his travel clock again and groaned. He burrowed his head further under his pillow and muttered a plea to God. Why did he pick this particular motel to stay in when there were other motels scattered all along his route? Why did the universe see fit to punish him by placing him in this room next to the noisiest, horniest couple known to man when all he wanted was a decent nights sleep? He paid his taxes on time, he didn't litter, he didn't push in front of old ladies at the cash register - he was a good man. He was a good man who needed his sleep; selling insurance up and down the country was a tedious enough job without adding lack of sleep to the equation.

Maybe he was being punished for his little bout of eavesdropping earlier on in the evening. He'd admit that life for a fifty-something salesman on the road was a lonely one. A balding myopic man with a paunch was not a catch even for the needy, loose-limbed women that always seemed to hang around the bars near where he stayed when he was on the road. So when during his nightly Jeopardy marathon he'd heard the first faint squeaks from the bed next door he'd turned the sound down on his set and listened. He'd been ashamed to say that he'd even pressed his ear up briefly against the wall but as the rocking increased there was no need to stay huddled on the bed and he settled back down to enjoy. He'd blushed, as the rocking and squeaking sounds became a steady banging as the headboard of the bed in the next room knocked against the dividing wall. He'd 'touched' himself when he heard the young woman's voice moaning through the wall but even he had become uncomfortable at the grunted yells of 'harder' 'fuck yeah' and 'oh God' that were tainting his room. And as ten minutes (that's all he'd needed) stretched into forty-five he was seriously cursing his parents for not having the good grace to name him Ryan. Julius was totally blaming his fey name for never having had an experience like the one that was happening next door. He knew one thing and that was whoever this 'Ryan' was - he possessed the skills that Julius himself would never hope to obtain, stamina being one and from the woman's frequent cries of 'Jesus Christ' a close link to God obviously.

What had started out as a welcome and enjoyable chance to jerk off to the soundtrack of a real life porn film now was just way beyond a joke as it entered into the umpteenth hour of intermittent copulation noise. And the night manager had been no help whatsoever. He had just huffed and eventually torn himself away from the TV to go and have a talk to 'them'. Julius had hovered close by in the hope of catching a sight of the elusive but noisy occupants in the next room but all he'd seen was a very muscular shoulder and arm open the door and heard the low gravely voice apologizing and promising to keep it down. Julius gave a snort at this…seeing as the couple had been at it for pretty much a full eight hours on and off – he certainly doubted the young man's ability to keep anything 'down' for longer than half an hour.

Now it was four-twenty a.m. and the noisy lovemaking had started yet again.

Julius just wanted to sleep but as the familiar paced sounds of bedsprings squeaking started up again he settled on burying his head under his pillow to dull the sounds.

"Oh… God… Missy." Ryan gulped air into his lungs and wound his fingers into the sheets. "We're going to get thrown out."

Missy peered down from her vantage point on top of Ryan. "This is a motel, what do people usually come to motels for?"

"Believe it or not people do use these places to sleep." Ryan gasped and grabbed fistfuls of the bedding as he stifled a groan and involuntarily jerked his hips upwards. Every muscle ached, he was sore in places you shouldn't be sore and he was dog-tired but he couldn't seem to get enough. Missy was right. Sex was a great stress buster and boy they must have both been really stressed if the past few hours had been any indicator. After their heart to heart and Missy's pep talk on sex and pregnancy it was like someone had opened the floodgates on their hormones and normal business had resumed. Now that Ryan knew he wasn't going to be potentially giving his kid a flat head or a thoroughly good poking every time he thrust he was a happy -if somewhat still paranoid- man.

Ryan shut his eyes as Missy slowly rotated her pelvis on him, moving with such deliberate poise that it wrung all the last vestiges of brainpower from him. Everything was centred on his groin and the painful sensations that told him that he should really tell her to stop now if only to preserve his manhood so it might live to fight another day. But just as he was on the verge of telling her that they should really call it a night she'd speed up her measured pace and the previous delicious pain would mingle with his body's natural endorphins, causing him to forget everything again and just focus on keeping his hands tightly on Missy's hipbones to help keep up the rapid pace.

Missy stretched her arms up over her head and lifted her hair up from the nape of her hot, sweat slicked neck; the room was stifling and smelt of the heady scent of sweat and sex. She kept her arms wrapped around her head as she moved, knowing it elongated her torso and showed her already perky breasts to their best advantage. She watched Ryan's eyes as they roamed her body knowing that he was taking in her display and liking it.

Her body was sapped of any energy after their long marathon but still she kept her hips moving, not wanting to break the spell. They had always been energetic in the bedroom department, Ryan was quite frankly always up for it anytime, anywhere but something had exploded this evening and they were both caught up in a frenzied maelstrom of deep seated sexual need that neither of them was willing to relinquish.

Finally having talked about the very real possibility that she was pregnant had thrown open the doors on their relationship. They had gone from a couple who were together because they were young and compatible - to a partnership that was now based on a very real issue, an issue that hit home, that they would perhaps spend the rest of their lives together now, barring the usual shit that happened to partners. It was a strange thought and one which Missy was still getting used to. She loved being with Ryan, that was a given, but she had never really thought beyond the day to day and had never really focused on a future with Ryan. It was not because she didn't see a future but she was just not the type who thought that far ahead with things, she was always a here and now girl. She knew that the same realization had hit Ryan and it was that that had set off the drawn out fornication frenzy they were currently hell bent on.

After hours of activity, she now didn't even have the energy left to be her usual noisy self, the occasional moan was all she could manage, but the feeling of Ryan inside her was still making her insides spasm and driving her onwards, even though her body was gradually giving up on her. She rocked her hips back and forth, the sweat that swathed their bodies making her slip and slide against his pelvis, and to be honest, she was thankful for the extra help. Ryan was watching her with his eyes half closed and she knew he was feeling as sapped of strength as she was but his ragged breathing and the look on his face told her that he was still in the zone. She renewed her efforts, picking up the pace driving her hips forward until she could feel him hit deep inside her again. She leaned forward and placed her hands against his chest and let her hair cascade down around her face as she pitched back wards and forwards, sucking the hot air of the room into her lungs in an attempt to refresh her flagging body. Finally she just let her arms give out and lay down flat against his chest and panted. She gave a defeated laugh.

"I give in… can't…go… on."

Missy felt as well as heard the laugh Ryan gave as it reverberated through his body. He gathered her hair up and away from her face and spoke.

"You done?"

"Mmm…no energy left…sorry… I think I've died." And she was done in every sense of the word, she'd be walking like John Wayne for the next few days at least and this was just day one of their trip. Missy felt her mind wander, turned to mush from goodness overload.

Than she felt him lean down, his lips brushing against her ear; his hot breath still managing to send shivers run down her spine.

"That's a shame because I was going to ask you to bend over the end of the bed."

Missy didn't know if it was the timbre of his voice that sent the blood pumping around her body at an increased rate again or the delayed realization that although she was done, Ryan clearly was not. She felt a renewed interest in her core as Ryan tilted his hips. She lifted her head and looked at him, the heavy lidded, feral expression he still had on his face held a direct hotline to her clit sending a hurried message to her brain that she might have been a bit hasty in assessing her previous tired state. He obviously saw the shift in her state because he managed to give a lascivious grin that would have made a nun strip off her habit and sit opened legged.

She shifted off Ryan with indecent haste and scooted around the bed. Her legs could barely hold her anymore and she relished the support the mattress gave as she lay prone, offering her ass to Ryan. Missy watched as he languidly got up, stripping the now somewhat pathetic looking condom off as he did so, she had not been careful in ensuring the thing stayed on as she had gotten off. She was surprised to see Ryan pick up a fresh one and roll it on expertly as he walked. She smiled and wondered just how long that little self-imposed rule would last with him. The smile was wiped off her face as she felt a stinging slap to her ass. She gasped and felt another blow. She was just about to open her mouth to say something when she felt him push inside her, Missy let her head fall back onto the bed and shut her eyes as this new assault awoke her libido and threw a bucket of cold water over her slumbering brain.

She didn't quite know where Ryan had dredged up the renewed energy he'd tapped into but was glad he had. He slammed into her again and again, his body slapping against her ass and hitting her high and hard with such a delicious tattoo that she felt her body respond yet again with the burgeoning twinges of a building orgasm. One thing was sure she was thankful to relinquish all the work to Ryan and just lie there and let him take control of the reins, his hands on her hips moving her as he wanted. She found her vocal cords again too and started to goad him on, telling him what she wanted…needed. The force of Ryan's thrusts was sending the bed forward with each pass, so the headboard started its own mating ritual with the wall again.

Bang, bang, bang…there was something so hot when inanimate objects started to join in with the fucking that she felt her insides clench and twitch again and again. His strong hands roamed her back, stroking her, caressing her, sending her nerve endings wild. One hand eventually found its way to her head. Missy felt her head snap back as he wound his fingers through her hair and pulled as the other gripped her shoulder to give him leverage. She gave a moan, unable to control herself when he did his cave man display. She started to call his name over and over as she lost it and just let the intense waves grab her and wash away all the troubling and conflicting thoughts that the past week had presented to her. The thumping of the bed was joined by another sound, a dull thudding and an angry voice from the other side of the wall telling them to 'please keep it down'. She would have laughed but her brain chose that moment to finally implode as she felt Ryan pump himself inside her and he all but shouted the exclamation of a drawn out 'Arghhhhhh' causing the wall to be thumped vigorously again. Ryan dropped like a stone at the end of the bed. Missy turned and watched as he lay on the floor looking like a kid who had just eaten all his Christmas candy. She scooted her body up the bed and lay, waiting for her heart to regain its normal beat. She couldn't help but laugh when as she was just drifting off to sleep a disembodied voice from the vicinity of the floor asked.

"Are you gonna apologize to the guy next door in the morning or am I?"

Julius awoke to find the room in bright sunlight. He sat bolt upright and looked at his travel clock. It told him that it was eleven-thirty; he was usually on the road by nine a.m. at the very latest. He cursed and leaped out of bed.

The sound of the shower rumbling on in the next room woke Ryan. He grabbed blindly at his watch on the nightstand next to him without opening his eyes. After a moment of getting his brain into gear he opened his eyes and squinted as the sun assaulted his retinas. Shit, it was eleven thirty-five they had hoped to be on the road by nine a.m. every morning. He cursed and leaped out of bed.

Ryan loaded their luggage into the trunk and watched as Missy approached with a box full of coffee and donuts, the breakfast of champions. He took the cup that Missy offered and yawned.

"I got you a double espresso, two jelly and two powdered." Missy smiled. "You certainly earned it."

Ryan grinned and watched as a portly man with a bad comb over and horn-rimmed glasses came huffing and puffing over to the car parked next to them. The guy looked harassed and his mood did not appear to improve any when he dropped his briefcase and mini suitcase, both of which sprung open - one sending a mini typhoon of papers billowing across the lot, the other spilling out underwear and socks. Ryan put his coffee down and started to chase the paper, gathering up as much as he could. The man looked on the verge of tears as he stuffed his clothes back into his case. He looked so much like a little fat Buddha as he struggled to bend down and pick up his belongings that he had to give a warning look to Missy to stop any comments he knew she was dying to make in their tracks.

Ryan was in the process of handing back a sheaf of papers to the guy when Missy called a warning to him about his coffee, which stood precariously near to his own left foot. As Missy called his name Ryan was bemused to see the thanks die on the man's tongue and a look of what appeared to be pure dislike flash over his face. The man snatched his property back and got into his car, muttering and glaring at him. Ryan picked up his coffee and watched him start his car and roar off.

"How rude was that?" Missy said as she watched the car disappear into the distance.

Ryan laughed and picked up one of the donuts, taking a bite.

"I think we might have just met the shoe thumping occupant of the room next to us."

Missy picked up a donut of her own.

"How'd you know?" She asked.

"Because he looked as tired as I feel." Ryan took another bite of his donut and raised one eyebrow.

Julius cursed his mother again as he drove. Not only was 'Ryan' still only a kid, that thought alone was enough to stick in his throat, knowing that a kid had had probably more sex in his short life than he'd had in his fifty-seven years but he also had the good looks and clear skin of someone who had never encountered acne in his life and his girlfriend matched up to the very vivid image he'd built up in his head over the course of the night.

Julius sighed.

Things would have been so different for him if only his mother hadn't christened him Julius.

Tbc.

R+R and I'll be your best friend forever.