Don't confuse REALITY with fantasy
By Dany
Rating: K+
Summary: Post-ToyD. Response to an Unbound Improv Challenge. Grissom says something Sara can't handle.
A/N: Yes, I know…another ToyD fic. To my defense I have to say it was a challenge, but I enjoyed writing this. Hope you enjoy this too.
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.
xxxxx
"You're my fantasy."
She thought she must have misunderstood as she walked away from the meeting room, leaving warmth and comfort behind. In her confusion, she kept on walking, not giving the slightest indication that she had heard his words.
She didn't stop running away until she reached the safety of her car.
Running – that was exactly what she was doing.
If she had misunderstood him, maybe even imagined the words, it would break her heart. If she had heard correctly and he was only able to say those words in a place of limbo where he always had a backdoor to retreat, it would break her heart. And he had broken her heart broken too many times.
She started her car and drove out of the lot, not looking back. The buildings kept moving past her window until there weren't anymore. She drove out of the city into the mountain region, not stopping until she knew she had to. Her tank needle was steadily inching towards red, and if she wanted to get back to Las Vegas, she had to stop.
She pulled to the side of the road and got out of her car, taking a good look around. She was alone.
It was a feeling she should be used to by now, but probably, and hopefully, would never be.
It didn't have to be that way.
She could just stop waiting, stop waiting for him.
No, that wasn't an option. Not only would her heart break beyond repair, she would break.
Then why did she run away?
If she didn't want to stop waiting, she was only left with two options: more waiting…or fighting. She felt like she had fought for so long and didn't have the strength anymore, so she had resorted to waiting - and it seemed to have paid off.
They had been getting back into their comfortable relationship and it had been him who had started to inch forward. He had dropped little comments here and there without breaking them off as mercilessly as he had in the past. He just let them sink in and smiled.
That smile had also been lost, but was now returning stronger than ever. He was talking with her again, not with words, but with his smile, his eyes, his whole face.
Everything had been okay until he told her about his fantasy.
Panic had set in, taking the place of the comfortable warmth she'd had only seconds before. That step had been a big one, far bigger than she had anticipated.
Had she made a mistake and let panic overwhelm her?
Maybe Grissom's statement wasn't as easily misunderstood as she had thought. Maybe there was only one interpretation.
The scene replayed in her head and she couldn't believe how stupid she had been.
Grissom had been focused on her the whole time. His eyes had been trying to strike up a conversation with hers, but she had been hesitant. She knew what they were telling her, and at last, she talked back.
He told her that she was important, that he cared, that there was so much more he wanted to say, and slowly the words turned into something else.
It was almost like a caress. She took it gratefully, revelling in the warm feeling that spread through her body and soul.
When the others had left, he had remained focused on her, making no move to leave her alone. He just kept his eyes on her, the impression of a caress strengthening, making her skin tingle. The warmth inside of her grew, turning hotter and hotter.
He was so close, and yet so far away.
Suddenly, the gaze changed and the caress turned into something far more powerful. Heat exploded in her and she jumped up, breaking the connection.
Grissom looked startled and when she tried to meet his eyes, he lowered his head.
That's when she knew she had to get out of there, and when she reached the door, she had heard those words.
Snapping back to the present, Sara knew with certainty that it was not a 'maybe.'
There was only one meaning, and it was a third possibility.
Grissom had said those words and he had meant them. His purpose had not been to break her heart, but to make his available for her. And she had run.
Sara jumped back in her car and turned it around, heading for the city again.
She would go to him and apologize. She couldn't ruin it now that he had told her; she only hoped she hadn't already.
During the whole drive, she kept trying to figure out what to say. Those words never came to her easily and this time was no exception.
When she knocked on his door, she still hadn't figured out what to say, hoping that it would come to her once they were face to face.
Staying in her car until she knew what to say was far too dangerous. If she panicked again, chances were good that she would flee.
She heard footsteps coming closer and fear rose up in her. What if he didn't want to see her? Luckily it was too late to run, for the door opened and Grissom stood right in front of her.
He seemed to be genuinely surprised, but beneath the first impression lay something far darker. Gone were the playfulness and the honest smile, having been replaced by dark circles and a mournful expression. Grissom looked more than tired, almost…depressed.
Of course, he tried to hide it, but Sara saw it.
She had done this to him. She knew that dejectedness very well. But this didn't feel like a come back; it felt like a knife twisting in her gut.
Not being able to stand it any longer, she lunged at him, throwing herself into his arms. To hell with it all.
His arms shot up reflexively, and they fell into an awkward embrace. They stayed like that for a while until he pulled back a bit so he was able to see her face.
When he opened his mouth to speak, Sara knew what he was going to say. Before he could even get the first syllable out, she shut him up, pressing her lips to his.
"To hell with fantasies, this is so much better because it's real." She kissed him again, almost bursting with joy.
"It is, isn't it?"
"Please, don't say it."
He cocked his head, asking her what she meant.
"Please, don't say 'This is too good to be real.'"
The end