Halo VS Reality 2
"Oh… my head. I felt like I got dressed up in pink plastic Spartan armor then fried and raped by two elites with a hoard of jackals," the master chief growned. Recapping the events before he re-spawned, he suddenly realized he really did do that.
"Lesson #1: never rush into a big group of enemies." Said Cortana sarcastically.
"How come you're still alive?" Said the chief through gritted teeth.
"I'm an A.I. remember?" Replied Cortana
"Count on Cortana to be sarcastic right after I got raped." Said the chief muttered gloomily
"Chief! A little help here!" Said a meat shield er... marine right before he exploded. The Master Chief doesn't mind the dead marines, because they are decomposable and thus environmentally friendly. But before he can go any further with his thoughts about saving the environment, his shield-alarm went off disturbing his musing.
"Watch Out! There's two of us in here you know?" Cortana bitched. Sometimes, the Chief wanted to shove his hand inside his skull and pull the A.I. out of his giant metal head. But that would mean the death of him as well, and he wouldn't want that. A plasma bolt stopped the regeneration of his shields and his wandering thoughts. He quickly leapt to one side to dodging the stream of green plasma a grunt was firing at him. The grunt with the yellow armor and his surroundings was suddenly splattered with bright blue blood as assault rifle bullets shredded his frail flesh. The leader of the grunt regiment peed his crotch section, and the highly developed cleaning device located in front of his waste disposal organ swiftly got rid of the vile fluid and freshened the scent with Bounty, the quicker picker upper. Now with lemon scent. But the covenant minor did not have the chance to enjoy the lemony freshness of the smell, for his fate was the same as the grunt in yellow armor. However, the freshness was not to waste because the Master Chief took a while to catch his breath, but instead smelt the citric goodness of lemons. He hated lemons… but that was irrelevant.
"Your mother has crabs!" Shouted a foul-mouthed marine as he through a grenade. The elite dove away from the grenade into a storm of homing pink needles. Of course, the pink needles jammed into the elite's soft flesh and exploded with the force of… one grenade. But that was enough to set off all the plasma grenades around him, killing 5 grunts and 3 marines.
As he knew from his last try, there was an elite behind the hill. He threw two human grenades behind the hill and was rewarded with a death scream from an elite "Motherland!" John then continued to mop up the grunts with his pistol as they 'ran' around screaming "DEMON!" and "I NEED MORE BOUNTY!"
As he known from experience, the covenant force ahead is not something to rush into. "Hey Barney!" Chief called.
"Yes Master Chief!" A badly burnt Marine replied.
"I want you to lead the rest of the marines into their certain death, er, I mean into a… valiant… victory… for… the… human race… yea, that makes sense." Chief said. He shouldn't have fallen asleep during his 'how to convince people into doing stuff that they wouldn't normally do' class.
"Um…"
Suddenly, a flashback appeared out of nowhere. John was sitting in a classroom and a Cortana-like woman was skimpily dressed holding a piece of chalk. On the blackboard was written the words 'Do it for your planet'. The Cortana-Teacher then said to John with a seductive voice "I want you to be here at 0800 Hours for your oral exam" The flashback ended. I told you he was crazy.
"Do it for your planet" said the Master Chief. "And if you die, I will give you my box of porn."
"Okay! ... You have porn?"
Barney, with the I.Q. of a brick, was threatened to lead the marines into a hail of scorching plasma. Chief then circled around the group of enemies and threw two grenades in their direction. The first grenade killed a group of grunts, spreading their explosives and corpses randomly. The second grenade detonated the explosives of the dead grunts, killing the remainder of the covenant force and left only 12 marines. They had originally come in with 50. "They lasted longer then I thought!" the chief muttered to himself.
"What chief?"
"Nothing!"
"Foehammer! Team 031 requests a warthog, 8 gallons of beer, 5 giant pizzas, and at least 24 naked super models!" said the commanding marine
"Whoa! It must have been a heck of a victory!" foe hammer replied!
"It was! We took down twelve grunts without the chief's help!"
"Way to go marines"
"Thanks!"
"You know our motto: we deliver. Haha"
"You know, that sounded really bad out of context"
"Sorry"
So, after the battle, everyone just stood around talking about survival stories and the awesome heroics of the Master Chief while the Chief himself made plans on how to kill the marines without being detected by Sergeant Johnston or Captain Keys. Suddenly, something provoked our hero to go on a killing rage.
"You see that?" pointing towards a dead grunt, "that was me!" Said a egotistic Marine to the very annoyed Master Chief.
"You see that!" pointing towards a field dotted with dead covenant and marines. "That was ME!" Said an egotistic Master Chief. He then preceded to F the marine until he fell unconscious then stealing the pistol ammo and grenades that he dropped. "Does anyone else want to have a go?"
The Marines stood petrified in fear and horror as the Chief stared them down one by one. When the team was about to lose bladder control, a warthog, along with 8 gallons of beer, 5 giant pizzas, and 3 cafeteria ladies wearing hairnets fell on Master Chief instantly killing him.
"Sorry, but we couldn't find 24 naked supermodels, but we found 3 cafe ladies who weighed as much as 24 naked supermodels each." Foehammer said.
But there had been no one to hear her, because the marines died trying to comprehend everything.
The End, but not really
Author's note: I have an obsession about grenades in this story. Plus i updated anyways... just because I was done the second chapter It doesn't mean you don't have to review! I also made changes to the first chapter and added a bit more stuff in there