Me: So, welcome to the very first interview with the champion of the human race: the great, awesome, giant Master Chief.
Master Chief walks in, in his combat armor and waves to the audience, which sends up a wave of applause.
Me: Welcome to our humble little talk show. We are awed by your appearance.
Master Chief: You talk like the Covenant.
Me: … um… Just come in and have a seat here. By the way, I'm the show's host, Simon Crumb.
I offer a hand to the Master Chief.
Master Chief: I don't think you don't want to do that.
Me: … Okay then.
I smartly saluted the chief then asked him to please take a seat. He replied by punching my face in (literately) then sitting on the chair. Janitor robots come in and clean up the mess. The real me comes in with cookie crumbs around my mouth which I wiped off and then take a seat across from the chief. A well 10 feet away.
Me (looking at the mess made by the chief): I love flash clones. Anyways, I think our audience wants to know about your adventures on Halo.
Master Chief: … we killed stuff, then we burned stuff, then we blew stuff up, then we blew the whole thing up.
Me: Anyways, do you have a license to kill? Do you do it to everyone that annoys you?
Master Chief: … It came with the armor, and yes, I do.
He eyed me with an annoyed glare. I stood in fear for a while, then said into my cell phone: "prepare flash clone 2"
Master Chief: Now it's time for me to ask questions. Do you have a lot of family, friends, or fans? Basicly what I'm asking you is will you be missed if you… have a little 'accident'?
Me: um… yes, I, um, will. Right Audience?
No one was in the audience
Me: So, what's your favorite drink?
Master Chief: Super Large Cappuccino with lots of sugar and caffeine.
That seemed to calm him down a bit.
Me: That answered a lot of questions.
The evil glare entered the Chief's eyes againMe: So, how was your training? What were you trained to specially doing?
Master Chief: We were trained to act under special circumstances, such as not having food for 30 days, doing a drug raid and suddenly ending up at a stripper club with loads of money in you pockets and women wanting you for um… forget that last sentence.
Me: How would you react in that last situation?
Master Chief: Not having food for 30 days?
Me: No, the… never mind.
Thank goodness I saw the Chief fingering his M6D pistol before continuing with my sentence.
Me: Oh and one last question.
Master Chief: Yes, it will be your last one.
Me: Um… How did you go to the John on Halo?
Considering the Master Chief's name was John, this pissed him off more then at the time a hearing impaired marine brought him water instead of a cappuccino. But thankfully, he decided to answer the question.
Master Chief: I didn't.
Master Chief: We were trained to not go to the washroom for 14 days, or more if the situation arises.
Me: Okay that's all for today, see you next time, and don't forget to send those wonderful reviews. HIT THE LIGHTS!
The lights went off as several gunshots were heard. My flash clone went down with a hole in his head. The Master Chief strolled out the door, and I live another day. But by the number of your reviews, it seems like you don't want me to live.