A crash and general chaos woke Dudley almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Blearily glancing at the clock, he saw it was a quarter to seven.
Ah. Two hours of sleep.
''What the bloody hell do you think you are doing, owls all about first thing in the morning, I tell you, I won't stand for this nonsense – ''
A screech cut through Vernon's yells and Dudley hurried outside, half-hoping there was a letter from someone that would give them more news about the dratted war – for owls meant newspapers or letters – that much he knew.
He paused against the banister, peering down towards the kitchen.
Dad had started yelling once more, while Mum hissed at the huge barn owl that flapped its wings and pecked at Hestia Jones' fingers as she frantically scribbled something on a bit of parchment. Diggle was reading the newspaper – or rather devouring it, his eyes moving at a rapid pace as his expression changed from extreme glee to incredulity the further he read.
Dudley could barely make out anything from this far away, but he could clearly see the picture in the front page – there was no mistaking those glasses and mop of untidy hair. Harry was running, glasses askew, wand out, followed closely by a bushy haired girl and gangly red-haired boy, their expressions extremely focused. The clothes astonished Dudley – not only were they the wrong size, but the designs were also something very out of ordinary for Harry or his friends to wear.
''Dudley! Don't – '' Dad hissed, trying to pry the newspaper out of Diggle's hand in an effort to stop Dudley from gawking at it.
''Told ya, didn't I? The nerve, Merlin! Breaking into the Ministry at times like these! Right under their noses – hah!'' Diggle cried out, prancing in the middle of the kitchen, just out of Vernon's reach.
''Incredibly risky, what was he thinking? Whole place crawling with Death Eaters and imperiused people, and that foul Umbridge woman – they're lucky to have escaped!''
''Ah, bless him – his own friend is muggleborn, perhaps they tried to free the muggleborns. ''
Petunia shrieked as the barn owl, apparently unimpressed by the delay, hopped on to the table to peck at some toasts.
''I am writing to Arthur, but I doubt they're still at the burrow. Don't you think they made a run for it?'' Hestia asked, still furiously scribbling on the yellow parchment.
Diggle had already started reading the second page, and burst into fits of laughter.
'' They vandalized Umbridge's office and stunned her during a court hearing!''
Even Dudley couldn't help but snicker – he'd heard the Umbridge woman was something of a nightmare during her year at Hogwarts. How typical of Potter – disrupting court hearings and vandalizing offices!
''Oh, oh – they found Runcorn and Mafalda Hopkirk outside in the alley – ah – Polyjuice!''
Dudley had lost the thread of the conversation – too much wizarding terms were used. But whatever Harry had done, along with his two friends, had apparently shaken up the magical world.
Finally having written the letter, Hestia tied it to the scaly leg of the barn owl while it clicked its beaks impatiently, and swooped out through the window.
Diggle was still reading the newspaper and occasionally snickering or exclaiming with delight, while Hestia leaned over his shoulder and wrung her hands constantly – she seemed to think it was all very risky. Vernon furiously munched through his sausage and bacon, instructing Dudley to pay no heed to the 'freaky things' while Petunia had already started scrubbing owl droppings with much distaste.
Dudley sat as close to Diggle as possible without infuriating Vernon further, and glanced down towards the headlines.
Vicious attack on the ministry by Undesirable number one and his cronies
Harry Potter, well-known vigilante, yesterday stormed the ministry with intent to harm, writes Daily Prophet Correspondent Rita Skeeter. Halfway through the Hearing for Muggleborn Commission, he attacked Senior Ministry Official and Head of the Muggleborn Registration Commission Dolores Umbridge and helped several wanted muggleborns to escape through the atrium, but not before mercilessly vandalizing Madam Umbridge's Office.
''He never abided by rules, did he? Goes to show how important it is to lock such deranged people up for the safety of the wizarding world!'' Dolores Umbridge says, understandably upset.
''No doubt he seeks to disrupt recent reforms. As we attempt to safeguard our society against those of lesser status, muggles who steal our powers and brandish a wand and proclaim themselves witches or wizards, such attacks happen! '' Corban Yaxley, Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement says.
Arthur Weasley has ostensibly been missing from his Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office. Our reporters tried to reach him to question him about his son, Ronald Bilius Weasley, who was seen by several witnesses as aiding the Undesirable No. 1 in his acts of terror. Until recently, it was believed that Ronald Weasley, youngest son of the Weasley family, has been confined to bed due to a bad case of spattergroit – however, this seems to be a lie as evidenced by his recent activity.
Further wanted is Potter's sidekick Hermione Granger, who is described as a violent and unstable muggleborn with no talents and a thirst for fame and power.
''No wonder she clings on to Harry. Perhaps she hopes he'll still be able to aid her in her ambitions of being famous and powerful.'' An anonymous source said, who claims to know Granger well from her school days in Hogwarts.
For more information continue on to pages 2 and 3.
Dudley finished his cereal and ambled towards the living room, mulling over what he just read.
Diggle wasn't lying then, when he said the ministry was corrupt. He made a mental note to ask about this commission or whatever it was later, when his parents weren't around.
Which was a lot easier said than done. Confined to the two story house with five bedrooms , a study , kitchen and living room, with nothing else to do other than loiter around all day, there was almost no way to talk to the two freaks, as Vernon put it. Petunia fussed about, never more than a foot away from her precious son, while Vernon grumbled and shook his fist and complained about the living conditions but never strayed far from his wife and son. Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones spent most of their time huddled together, anxiously discussing various things about the war, and sometimes one of the two disappeared to get groceries and reappeared just as suddenly, hands full of bags of fruits and meat and bread.
The only times Dudley could quiz them about Harry and War was at the dead of the night, when he would creep down and find the two of them already awake and sipping tea in the kitchen. Once or twice he had to hide under the kitchen table as his Dad woke up to get a glass of water or Mum suspiciously looked around before going up to bed.
After a few months, he was again awoken by a massive crash.
Dudley didn't mind the crashes anymore. Even if something broke, Jones would swish her wand about and mutter a strange word and everything would be repaired just as it was. Mum didn't approve of it, muttering about freaky things, but Dudley would be impressed every time he saw a broken glass or plate get magically repaired, the cracks sealing themselves back to blemish less perfection.
''Merlin's pants, Jones! He's gone and done it again! '' Diggle's excited shriek cut through the quiet morning air, as Vernon started yelling about owls and freaks.
In his hurry to get out of bed, Dudley just about tripped over his own feet as he almost flew down the stairs.
''What is it?'' He exclaimed, as soon as he arrived in the kitchen.
Vernon was about to yell at him to stay away from freaks, but was cut off by Diggle –
''Ah, Dudley! Look here, go on then – ''
As the newspaper was thrust into his hands, Dudley gasped.
He couldn't make head or tail of the picture- was that Harry? On a – a dragon?!
A huge dragon shook its head and breathed fire as it perched on top of the rounded ceiling of an enormous white building – Dudley could just make out his cousin's small figure grasping on to the dragon's hide for dear life as the beast reared its head and sent flames of fire all around. Two other figures hung on behind Harry – no doubt his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
Gringotts Break-in!
In a daring defiance against the authorities, Harry Potter has attacked yet again, this time, the Wizarding Bank managed by Goblins, Gringotts!
Yesterday, early in the morning, the peaceful bank was alerted to the threat of intruders by the waterfall charm.
''As soon as we heard the alarms go off, we sent our officials to investigate.'' Rugwak, secretary to Head Goblin Gornook, replied, quite disgruntled.
Once again, Potter and his band of outlaws had used the Polyjuice potion to impersonate none other than the Lady Bellatrix Lestrange, accomplished duelist and wife of Rodolphus Lestrange.
''We did think something was off, considering Madam Lestrange was supposed to be staying at her cousin's Manor for a while, but nevertheless, our Head thought it was prudent to allow her to visit her vault.''
Later investigations revealed that it was only because Gornook was under the Imperius Curse.
''How he was cursed is anybody's guess- we never saw or heard anyone uttering the spell.'' Rugwak continues.
The Goblins have chosen to remain silent on the rumors that Potter had inside help – which would of course mean the wizarding bank isn't as safe as we thought – corruption is spreading through its ranks.
As to why he broke in, there is no doubts, as said by Minister of Magic Pius Thicknesse.
''Of course, even an outlaw needs money to survive. No doubt he thought he'd rob honest wizards of their gold. A desperate outlaw is very dangerous indeed. ''
In these troubling times, the Minister has requested us to exercise caution and inform the ministry officials if anyone so much as hears anything about Potter's whereabouts.
For more information, read on to pages 2, 3 and 7.
Dudley let out the breath he had unknowingly been holding for so long. What the hell is he up to?
''Dudders! Don't – oh, don't look at those horrible things!'' Petunia shrieked, eyeing the newspaper nervously.
''It's just a paper, mum.'' Dudley shot back, mildly irritated.
Vernon had now started yelling at an unperturbed Hestia Jones, who, as usual, furiously scribbled on parchments, obviously writing letters.
''Are those really….dragons?'' Dudley twisted around to ask Diggle, who was adjusting the knob on the ancient looking radio and tapping it with his wand.
''Hmmm? Ah yes – Gringotts protects the oldest vaults with Dragons – of course, I've never seen one before – then again, Potter is used to the beasts, isn't he? ''
''What?'' Dudley squeaked- ''Used to?"
''Dear me, did I forget to mention the Triwizard Tournament? Why – the first task was Dragons – a Hungarian horntail of all the things! Brilliant- the way he tackled it – took the shortest amount of time, youngest of all, mind you- unfortunately I wasn't there to watch, but me old friend Jason Stack was in the audience, said the boy flew like he'd never seen before, swooping down like that and grabbing the golden egg! ''
The radio suddenly hissed and spluttered.
''And we are back on PotterWatch with excellent news – Our Beloved Potter continues to soar high – on a dragon of all creatures. What is your take on this, Rapier?''
''Ah, I knew he'd be a dragon tamer one day. Sad as I am to admit I have absolutely no clue why he decided to annoy the goblins, I sure do hope he emptied the vaults of old Voldy's supporters!''
Hestia gasped and clutched her heart as she sank down to the sofa, while Diggle gave a nervous chuckle.
''Heard dear ol' Granger polyjuiced herself to Bellatrix. Two minutes of silence for the poor girl- can't believe she drank the essence of evil.'' Chuckles in the background.
''How do you think she obtained the potion, Rapier?''
''Well I sure do hope she didn't drink anything with Death Eater toe nails in it. '' Collective Ewww in the background.
The radio remained on for most of the day – occasionally it would splutter and Diggle or Jones would prod it with their wands. Petunia and Vernon persuaded Dudley to get out of the kitchen, which he did, but not after making eyes at Diggle who thankfully understood the message. As Dudley plopped down on the sofa in the living room, he saw Diggle poke the radio with his wand and increase the volume several folds. Mum sat next to him knitting while Dad kept slapping the remote in an effort to make the TV work, and Dudley pretended to read a sports magazine all the while perking his ears up to listen to the radio – was it even a radio? It only seemed to respond to wands and didn't need a battery – the host of PotterWatch kept inviting various people to comment on Harry and his daring deeds.