A/N: Well guys... I'm back. After writing a few other stories in some other places, a person tracked me down to ask me to finish this. I had gotten major writer's block and had figured I'd never get to finish it, even though I tried every couple of months to pick back up. Well, I can't let my reader's down, so I've come back.

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED! You make the writing worth it ;) You are ALL awesome!

HELP! I need a beta. Someone who can pester me about keeping things updated (I obviously need that on this story) and someone I can shoot a couple of ideas off when I've got a bit of writer's block. Some grammar and spell checking would be nice, too. And of course, if there are suggestions, feel free to comment.

Disclaimer: i, of course, don't own anything of Misty's world. She is the master. I just like to borrow her ideas every now and again.

The Knife's Edge

Chapter Five: Stumbling

Time should have stood still for Leana. After all, there was very little that could be done until Silverfox arrived. The teachers and Talia were still uncertain as to what her gift was and how she was using it. Frustration seemed to simmer below the surface of everything she did. And yet, life went on; it had to. There were classes to take, skills to master, and friends with which to spend time. Math, Religions, and Sword practice waited for no student.

Lena paced her room; thankful once again that she had one to herself. There were days when she felt as if there was too much energy stored inside of her. She couldn't move fast enough to be comfortable and even when she sat; her legs were bouncing up and down. Help couldn't get here soon enough.

Her friends were trying to be supportive. Robin and Gena knew as much as Leana knew, and probably Adame by association with Gena. But, the others only knew that Leana had been to see the healers a few weeks before. Leana was becoming good at dodging questions. But she was pretty sure that her other friends knew something was up because they weren't stupid.

:Do you want to talk about it: Yonell's voice intruded.

:Talk about what: Lena responded, almost automatically.

:You seem to be feeling rather sorry for yourself. It's not good for you.:

:It's not like I do it on purpose, Yonell. I'm just…:

:I know, Leana. But maybe if you came out to ride for a while you'd feel a little more settled. You could use up some of that stored up energy. And maybe we can find out what's bothering you.:

:I don't really feel like talking right now.: Leana griped.

:You never do, Leana.: Yonell's voice took a slightly disapproving edge. :You're going to have to do something about how you're feeling before long. Otherwise your friends and teachers are going to give up on you.:

Leana didn't answer; feeling like the same old argument would never change. She blocked her Companion from her thoughts and Yonell finally left her in peace. Leana began to pace her room once more and felt as if she could feel frustration actually bubbling inside her arms. Was that even possible? To experience an emotion so strongly that you could actually physically feel it course through your body?

Leana shook her head. Focusing on problems would only make them worse. Yonell was right about one thing, if she didn't start getting her act together, people were going to think she didn't want to be here… or be a Herald. Could students get sent home if they didn't do well in their classes? Was it possible for a Heraldic trainee to fail? It was said that Companions never made mistakes, but there was always the story of Gala and her Chosen, Tylendyl. Wasn't that enough to show that even if Companions didn't choose incorrectly that there were some things they just could not control? If Leana went insane, couldn't the same fate befall her?

Leana's pacing brought her to her desk and gazed at the books on it with some trepidation, but she had promised to be more diligent in her classes and she was determined to at least get a good start on her homework before it was too late to consider it. Besides, she would be starting classes soon that would require everyone to move up together. She couldn't hold back her yearmates just because she was feeling out of sorts.

Homework flew by, then dinner. Leana decided that she didn't want more than her best friends to know anything was wrong, so she tried her best to make everyone think she was normal. She forced a smile on her face and held the frustration at bay with sheer will so that no one would know she was struggling with herself. And as the next week went by, she began to believe it herself.

& & & & &

News of a stranger spread quickly throughout the Collegium. News always traveled fast, but the only reason a stranger would be news was if it was someone who was truly sensational. And from the descriptions, Leana had no doubt that this new arrival was a Hawkbrother. Her suspicions were confirmed when Talia sent a message for Leana to come meet her. But she didn't find what she had expected.

Leana stared in shock at the Hawkbrother that Talia introduced as Stormdancer. Leana had been resting all her hopes on Silverfox and believed that he would help her out. But she was shocked to see that Silverfox apparently did not feel any need to help a child he had once met.

The woman standing behind Talia was tall and moved gracefully, which Leana expected from one of the Tayledras, and her severe face showed an openness that Leana wanted to mistrust.

:You don't like her: Yonell asked, her thoughts tinged with surprise.

:It's not that I don't like her. I don't even know her. It's just… Why is she here when the message was sent to Silverfox:

A wordless shrug was Yonell's only response as Leana tried to listen to what Talia was telling her.

"…forwarded the message to Kaled'a'in Stormdancer. So she agreed to come in Silverfox's stead."

Just what I thought, Leana told herself bitterly, Silverfox didn't want to help so he sent for some other person to take care of the crazy child.

The woman stepped up past Talia and gave a slight bow. "I am honored for the chance to visit Valdemar's capital city. Tales of its wonder have traveled even to my Clan." Her smile may have seemed warm, but Leana wasn't going to be easily fooled. She nodded at the Hawkbrother, no Kaled'a'in…like Silverfox,, not really knowing what to say.

& & & & &

Leana's friends were full of questions over dinner. What was Stormdancer like? Where did she come from? Did she say she could help Leana?

"Look, everyone," she finally said. "I haven't really had a chance to talk with her. We only met for a couple of minutes. I'll be meeting her after dinner and then I can share some gossip with you."

Gena nodded. "Okay, but you know we're all going to want to know if she does anything really funny."

Robin nudged her with an elbow and whispered softly, "We're just really glad that you finally have someone who can help you." He smiled at her encouragingly. "Just think, before long, all this will be a bad memory."

Leana tried to smile back, doing her best to hide her feelings of betrayal. And wishing more than anything that she could get out of meeting with Stormdancer tonight. But she knew she didn't have a choice.

After eating, Leana slowly made her way to Stormdancer's room. It was like most of the special visitor's rooms in the palace and Stormdancer hadn't had any time to make it distinctive. As Leana was admitted to the room, she noticed an almost unpacked bag on Stormdancer's bed, guessing the Kaled'a'in had been finishing up when Leana arrived.

"Come in, Leana," Stormdancer invited with a smile. "Would you like any tea?"

Leana shook her head, not wanting to be rude, but not feeling as if she had to be too friendly either. Stormdancer gestured to a seat and Leana sank into it, not knowing what to say.

"Well," began Stormdancer as she made herself some tea. "Haven certainly is a large city. I thought it was going to take more than a day to make it in to the palace." Leana felt momentarily confused, but Stormdancer continued. "And it's so different from the Vales. There aren't enough trees and the smell of smoke just hangs in the air."

"Um, yeah," agreed Leana uncertainly.

"Tell me, Leana, did you find it strange when you moved here?"

Leana shrugged. "I guess. I had been living in a small town, so I wasn't really used to the city life."

Stormdancer smiled. "I think I'm going to need a map just to find the edge of the palace grounds."

"It's not really that bad," Leana assured her. "It takes some getting used to, but once you do, it's pretty easy to navigate. Once I started hanging out with my friends at the Compass Rose, I learned the streets pretty well."

"What's the Compass Rose?"

"It's a tavern that a bunch of the younger blues hang out in." Leana felt herself smile, "They serve really great sausage rolls."

"Really? Tell me about these blues."

So Leana began filling Stormdancer in on what the different classes in the collegium meant. And about how the blues hung out at the Compass Rose designing things and discussing mathematical applications that went way over Leana's head. Before long, the evening bell rang.

"Well, Leana. That's a sign that we've been talking too long." Stormdancer rose from her chair, Leana following. "Why don't you come by again the day after tomorrow?"

Leana agreed and walked back towards her room, lost in confusion. We didn't really talk about anything. All she wanted to know was about the Compass Rose and who hangs out there. How is that going to help me? She pondered a bit more. Maybe she's just trying to male me think she wants to be friends so that I tell her stuff. Maybe it's just a way to break the ice…Or maybe she's trying to find out why Silverfox wouldn't come help me.

Leana felt herself tense up at that thought. It just wasn't right. It wasn't fair. And she didn't have to be friends with the stupid woman anyway. She was just supposed to help her, not be her best friend.

Leana arrived at her room, slamming the door loudly behind her, feeling slightly better when the sound reverberated down the hallway.

& & & & &

Leana wasn't sure what to tell her friends about Stormdancer, so she decided that the less she said the better. After all, she didn't want people to get their expectations up. So silence was the best answer. But that didn't keep her friends from asking questions.

Jewly and Sera were the most tenacious in their questioning, which Leana had come to expect from them, and Leana soon learned their weakness. Getting them to talk about Stormdancer's outfits.

"You mean to tell me she hasn't worn the same outfit more than once in the last two weeks?" Sera said incrediously at dinner one night.

"Nope," confirmed Leana. "And I know the ladies at the palace are going nuts trying to figure out how to copy her fashion."

The girls giggled and started discussing a way to make similar outfits in the various house colors. Maybe they would be able to earn some extra money that way.

Leana was glad that the girls had stopped asking too many questions about Stormdancer, aside from her fashions, and wished that Robin and Gena would follow suit.

As Jewly and Sera continued their discussion, Robin leaned close to her. "So how is everything else with Stormdancer going?"

Leana shrugged slightly. "It's fine."

"That's it?" Robin asked.

"Yeah," replied Leana. "Look, I don't mean to shut you out, Robin. It's just that I'm not really comfortable telling you what goes on between Stormdancer and me."

Robin seemed a bit taken aback, but nodded. "I guess that makes sense." At Leana's sigh of relief, he continued. "Look, I won't ask you anymore about it, but if you want to talk you can come to me. Or go to Gena if you think that would be easier."

Leana smiled at Robin and squeezed his hand gently. "I really appreciate it, Robin." He nodded, but looked down. "Hey," Leana said, getting his attention focused on her completely. "It's going to be fine, Robin."

He smiled and touched her face gently. "Okay. No more bugging, I promise."

"Hey, you tow, No kissing at the table!" Jewly said loudly, gathering the attention of those around them. Leana felt her face go hot and Robin dropped his hand to pester the girls sitting across from him.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to fix myself, Leana thought grimly. And I can't go to Talia or Yonell because they'll only tell me to speak to Stormdancer about it. But I'd better make sure that people think I'm doing better or else the questions will start again.

& & & & &

Gena flopped back on Leana's bed and sighed. "I think I ate to much."

Leana grinned at her friend, "I told you not to have that last helping of turnips, but you wouldn't listen to me!" Gena just snorted and threw a pillow at Leana. Things were going well today and she was grateful for that fact. She hadn't felt funny once all day and, in fact, had felt more like her cheerful self than she had in a fortnight.

"Whew! I'm glad we got to the end of the week. I thought I was going to go crazy in my classes."

"You?" Leana exclaimed. "I'm the one trying to decipher account books to tell how they've been forged."

Gena rolled on her side to look at Leana. "I have to say that there are a lot of things that I don't envy about Heralds. I mean, it may be a dream of a lot of children to be chosen, but you have to give up so much freedom."

Leana sat on the rug beside the fire and looked thoughtfully at Gena. "How so?"

"Well, think about it. You get moved to the Collegium and have to take classes. And you have to learn how to fight, and learn to be prepared for killing someone in the eventuality that you may have to. Then the circle decides where you go and what you do. You always have to answer to others and your life is no longer your own. And forget about ever having a proper relationship with family. If you end up being lucky enough to have a family, it'll be with a Healer, who is always on call, a Bard who often travels around, or another Herald, that you never see…" Gena trailed off and then shrugged. "And it's all for people who will never even appreciate you."

Leana pondered for a moment all that Gena had said. "It's all worth it, Gena." At Gena's raised eyebrow, she elaborated. "Getting moved to the Collegium and taking classes isn't all that different from any of the others here. I mean, we may take some pretty different classes than you do, but then so do the Bards and Healers. And the circle won't just arbitrarily send out a Herald, you know. They have to decide what's best and what each Herald is best suited for. And I've never heard of a Herald being forced to go somewhere they didn't want to. And in my case, family isn't all that close right now. I mean, my mom died when I was a baby and dad died nearly two years ago. Kayle's great, but she isn't really all that close. And as for having a family…Yonell's the only family I need. She gives me strength and hope and an unconditional love that no person could ever hope to match. She knows me Gena, really knows me, and she loves me anyway. She would be worth anything."

:Thank you, dearheart. The sentiment is returned.:

"Besides, you've got a bard lusting for you. You know he'll understand that your first duty is to Valdemar." Gena giggled, "No marriage fights for you on neglecting your duties!"

Leana felt her face go hot, "I don't know about that, Gena. I mean, Robin and I…we're just… I mean, we're not…"

Gena laughed at Leana's flustered protests. "Try telling that to someone who doesn't spend so much time with the two of you."

& & & & &

"So, Leana, tell me about your friend Gena."

Leana clamped down on the urge to roll her eyes at the Kaled'a'in. It was another in a long line of questions that seemed to be irrelevant. She had been meeting with Stormdancer three days a week for the last few weeks and still, Stormdancer was asking the same types of questions. First about Kayle, then about Robin, and then asking about her classes.

Every time it's the same. How do you like Religions class...How do you like Math...How'd you and Robin end up getting together. Ugh! If she asks one more inane question I'm going to scream!

Leana felt trapped. Here she was seeing someone that was supposed to help and all she felt like doing was tearing the woman's eyes out and feeding them to her. She was careful to keep those thoughts to herself, though. Yonell hadn't liked her reaction to Stormdancer and had made sure that Leana knew it, so now she told Yonell the same thing she told Robin; she just wasn't comfortable telling anyone else about these meetings, but they were beginning to help.

"I guess you could say that Gena's my best friend. I met her just after meeting Robin and she and I hit it off right away..." Leana kept driveling on about Gena, waiting for the evening bell to announce it was time for her to leave.

& & & & &

Leana paced her room, furious at the situation. Silverfox was supposed to come and help me, she thought bitterly. But he doesn't even care enough to come. He had to send some woman who pretends to want to be my friend. Well, forget her. She can't help. All she wants to do is talk about my classes and my friends. It's not like that's going to help any.

Leana looked down at her clenched hands as she squeezed hard enough to bring a sharp pain. Now look at me. I'm angrier than ever. Leana tried to clam herself, but then started pacing again. Well, I have every right to be angry. No one seems to care that there's something wrong with me. They think that now a Hawkbrother is here, I'm going o get better, but they don't understand. Stormdancer does nothing to help, all she does is…is… is patronize me!

Leana kicked over her stool. It made her feel marginally better, but barely took the edge off. She picked up the stool and swung it against the wall with a loud bang, noticing with satisfaction that it left a dent in the paint.

:Leana: Came Yonell's shocked question. Leana ignored Yonell, shutting her out tightly, not wanting to hear any more from her either.

She swung the stool again, this time aiming for her bookshelf, sending several books to the floor with another loud bang. A knock on the door and someone calling Leana's name filtered on the edge of her thoughts, but she couldn't pull herself away. She wanted to break something…she wanted to hurt something…because deep in her mind, that would make her pain stop.

Leana swung at the bookshelf again, trying to knock the rest of the books off. She vaguely heard the door open, but ignored everything around her. Her eyes landed on the window and she made her way towards it, intending to throw the stool against the glass. She never reached that far. Someone grabbed the stool from her hands and someone else tackled her to the ground.

In the far reaches of her mind, she recognized ? Aime and Stormdancer in her room and heard someone urgently call for a healer. Leana struggled, trying to inflict pain on those who held her down, but she was no match for the two who held her, even though she felt her fist connect with bone once.

After what seemed an endless struggle, another person came into her vision and laid a hand on her head. Leana's world faded into darkness.

& & & & &

Stormdancer looked at the young girl on the bed. She was deep in sleep, having been sedated by the Healers. They had left a concoction of drugs that were guarenteed to keep Leana so sluggish that she could not repeat her performance from that afternoon, though Stormdancer knew it would only work for a couple of days. She sighed, feeling as if she had failed this child who had been crying for help.

When Silverfox had contacted her and requested her help, she had readily agreed. Dealing with stress and grief were specialties of Stormdancer's and Silverfox wanted only the best care for a future Herald of Valdemar. But in the weeks she had been in Haven, all she had managed to do was make things worse.

She had talked with the child about her friends, about the pressures of becoming a Herald, about the uncertainty of having an unknown gift… But none of it seemed to spark any of the depressed or angry thoughts that Stormdancer had been looking for. And nothing could explain the way Leana had decided to jump from a tree. Something about what Stormdancer had been hearing made her brain tickle…as if something were on the edge of her mind, but she just couldn't place it.

And she wasn't sure where to find the answers.

My teacher always said, if you can't find the answers from the source, it's time to look to the sources outlet. It was time to have some serious talks with Leana's family and friends. They should understand that when a life is at stake, even the most trusted of confidences need to be broken. And I'm afraid if someone can't help, it may very well be a case of life and death.

TBC