Title: The Knife's Edge

Author: Arianna Castellis

Rating: T (or PG-13)

Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Misty world. She is the master.

A/N: As usual, not beta'ed. I'm still trying to find someone, so if you're interested, please let me know! Notes to reviewers at end of chapter.

The Knife's Edge

Chapter Seven: A Way Out

Leana went to dinner feeling somewhat nervous. Stormdancer had given her the last of her sedative the previous morning, stating that Leana should get it out of her system as soon as possible. She hadn't been to dinner in the hall since her violent episode. She had made her apologies to Aimee, who had assured her that there were no hard feelings; after all, Leana hadn't known it was Aimee she was struggling against. But she wasn't really sure how a lot of the others would be treating her.

She sat next to Robin as she came in, noticing how the conversation between Greggie and Kurtis came to a sudden halt as she sat down. Before Leana could make any inquiries, Gena came flying over to the table.

"Hey, everyone. Lena! I'm glad you're up to eating with us again."

Leana smiled at her friend. Gena was always so full of energy that she made Leana feel happy just being around her. "Thanks. It's been an interesting couple of days."

"Lucky you," said Travys. "You've been missing weapon's practice for almost a week. It must be nice not to be pounded on on a regular basis."

"It was nice not getting beaten at weapon's practice this week," admitted Leana. "But I'm sure to get pounded hard again when I go back. Probably more so since I've had a little vacation."

Robin chuckled, "I guess that will teach you to stay away from you studies."

Leana felt anger rising in her, but remembered Stormdancer's warning from earlier. Until we get everything under control for you, you will probably feel angry and irritable towards people. You need to try and relax when that happens and try not to speak before counting to ten. Leana took a deep breath and began to count. The conversation picked up around her about the latest escapades that her friends had been up to. As the conversation drifted, she leaned close to Robin.

"You know I didn't miss classes on purpose," she said quietly so that no one else could hear. "It's not like I'm skipping lessons in order to have fun."

"I know that, Lena," Robin replied. "I didn't mean to imply that you were. I'm just trying to show you that it's not that serious by joking with you. I'm sorry if that upset you."

Leana felt stupid for overreacting again. "It's okay, Robin, I'm just kind of worried about how people are going to see me now."

"It's fine, Lena. Your friends are going to be with you no matter what." Robin reached under the table to take her hand in his. "Why don't you and I take a walk after you speak with Stormdancer tonight? It'll be a little cold, but it would get us both out of the building for a while. Away from everything and everyone. We haven't done anything like that recently."

Leana felt herself smile. "That would be nice," she said squeezing his hand.

"Hey!" protested Gena. "No secrets at the table." She poked Leana playfully, causing Leana to giggle. The presence of her two best friends cheered Leana's heart. Maybe things wouldn't be too hard if she really worked at it.

& & & & &

The first couple of meetings she had with Stormdancer after her 'episode' had not been long or very informative. Stormdancer had only assured Leana that things were not as bad as they seemed, that there was a way to help her and that Leana would need to try and take notice of her anger before it got out of control.

"It's the anger that is most dangerous right now." Stormdancer told her. "The rest can wait until we get the sedative out of your system and you're thinking clearly again. What I need for you to do is become conscious of it and not let it rule you."

"But how can I know? Doesn't everyone get angry?"

"Yes, but for you anger can have a more severe effect. When we can talk, we will work on making it easier for you to recognize, but for now, just try not to let it control you."

But now, the sedative was out of her system and Leana was somewhat impatient to find out how Stormdancer could help. Leana knocked quietly on Stormdancer's door.

"Come in," she heard the kestra'chern say. Leana pushed the door open to reveal Stormdancer pouring over what looked to be a journal.

"Leana," Stormdancer smiled gently. "Pull up a seat."

Leana pulled a chair close to the fire as Stormdancer put the book away.

"Now, Leana, how are you feeling now?"

"Well, I think the sedative has finally worn off. I don't feel quite so…sluggish now."

"Excellent. In that case, lets talk about a few things." At Leana's nod, she continued. "While you were unconscious, I spoke to your family and friends."

Leana gave a slight start, but then thought for a moment. "I guess you would have needed to. I wasn't being very informative while we were speaking before."

"It was no fault of your own, Leana. I didn't understand why you weren't talking to me and I didn't push you in the right direction. But that's all in the past now, Leana."

"All right. So now what?"

"I understand from your friends that your behavior has been a bit erratic these last few months. I'd like you to ell me what you can about how you've been feeling."

Leana gave a sardonic laugh. "Miserable." Stormdancer's lips quirked and Leana felt herself relax even more. "I'm not sure exactly what you want to know about. There are times when I seem, well, normal I guess. But then there are times when I hate myself and what I've done. I've missed a lot of classes this year and fallen behind. I seem to get angry with my friends because they don't get why I hate having so many people around me. And how am I supposed to be a Herald anyway when I don't like being around people?"

"Not wanting to be in large groups is not a sign that you don't like people, Leana. And Heralds have all kinds of duties, yes? You would not necessarily need to be around a lot of people all the time." Stormdancer watched Leana for a few minutes. "But it is more than that, yes?"

Leana nodded reluctantly, staring into the fire hoping that some sort of answer could come out of the smoke. "It's confusing, though. There are times when I get…restless I guess. My skin crawls with the need to move, even if it's just my legs bouncing up and down or tapping my pencil. And I feel as if I'm walking through water."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it feels like I'm almost watching myself from outside my body. Moving around is almost surreal. I can see myself snapping at people, but have no control over it. And sometimes I feel as if I could do anything, but I can't really concentrate on one thing for very long. It's almost like I need to get out of my skin and fly in the wind in order to feel normal again."

"I see," offered Stormdancer, but said nothing else.

Stormdancer was quiet for a few moments while Leana reflected on what she had shared. The silence stretched on longer than Leana liked and she finally whispered, "Does this mean I'm crazy?"

"No, Leana," assured Stormdancer. "Being thought crazy is often the result of someone not being understood by those around them." Stormdancer leaned forward in her chair as if about to include Leana in on a great secret. "I have heard of others who have suffered from similar complaints."

Leana felt hope rising in her at Stormdancer's admission. "Really?"

Stormdancer nodded and picked up the book she had been reading when Leana came in. "My teacher once told me of someone she had helped. This person went through periods that Icewind categorized as frenzy. These were often accompanied by periods of desolation."

"That's it exactly!" exclaimed Leana, feeling a little less alone now that she heard someone else had felt so strange.

"There have been other cases recorded in the past by Kestra'cherns of people with similar symptoms. Not all of them are alike and it was Icewind's belief that many more people suffer from milder versions of this than realized, but that the lesser effects are easily explained away."

Leana pondered this new information for a while. "So, I must have a more severe form of this….whatever it is. That's why it's so obvious that something is wrong."

"Yes," agreed Stormdancer. "And I also believe that since your unknown gift is somehow tied to emotions, that your emotional state may be what is causing your gift to be blocked."

"So what do we do?"

"We treat the emotional state. If we can find a way to fix that, then we can find a way to successfully unblock your gift."

"So how do we do it?" Leana asked. "Did Icewind tell you how to fix this…frenzied desolation?"

"It has some suggestions," admitted Stormdancer. "But, not everyone reacts to treatment the same way. So, we're going to start off small and see what happens." Stormdancer rose from the chair and went to the small table by the bed. She picked up several packets and handed them to Leana. "This is a tea the healers often use to help people who have fallen into a deep depression. You should take this every morning when you get up."

"For how long?"

"Let's save that until we know how it works for you." Stormdancer next picked handed Leana a beautiful book. Inside were blank pages, but the outside had been hand painted to show a winter scene. "I want you to use this book to write down how you feel. Even if you feel completely normal, I want you to write it down. I also want you to write down if you feel like people are crowding you too much. Anything and everything at all."

Leana wasn't sure she wanted Stormdancer to read all the thoughts and feelings that she might go through in a day. Even if it would help, she still felt as if her privacy was important. She didn't know if she could put any of her thoughts about Robin in the book. There were even some things she was careful to keep from her Companion. "Are you going to read this?"

"No, Leana," Stormdancer soothed. "This is for you. I will be asking some questions about what's inside, but I will do my best not to make you uncomfortable by asking for information you are unwilling to share."

Leana clutched the book tightly to her as she stood up. "Thank you."

"You are very welcome," Stormdancer said with a smile.

Leana left Stormdancer's room to head to her own. She felt both elated and nervous about what was going on.

:So do you feel better, now: Yonell asked.

:I do, yes.: answered Leana. :Do you really think drinking tea will help:

:Well, I don't see how it can hurt.: Yonell pointed out. :And writing in that journal should be some help, too.:

:I guess…:

:Don't go feeling down, Leana. After all you now know that you are not the first person to have felt like this.: Yonell pointed out.

:You're right: admitted Leana. :I shouldn't be jinxing this before I even start it.:

:And besides: teased Yonell. :You have Robin to think about now.:

Leana felt her face grow warm as she tried not to blush. Yonell seemed to always enjoy teasing her about Robin, but she got the sense that Yonell approved of Robin completely. She even seemed to encourage them, which was good because Leana didn't know what she would do if Yonell didn't want her to see Robin.

Leana pulled herself out of her musings and hurriedly put the tea on her bookcase and the journal on her nightstand. Grabbing her winter cloak, she ran out the door, heading out to meet Robin.

& & & & &

It was chilly out. The autumn weather was truly gone and winter was starting to settle its icy teeth into the land around them. But Leana wouldn't give up the time spent in relative privacy with Robin for anything. Time between them had been scarce lately and often strained. It was if a dark angry cloud had been hanging over both of them and Leana had no way to keep the rain off.

"Copper for your thoughts," Robin said as they walked close together in the gardens.

Leana smiled, "I guess I'm just thinking that we haven't really had much time to just relax around each other."

Robin reached for Leana's hand, interlacing their fingers. "I know things have been kind of rough lately. And it doesn't help that I've been rehearsing more often with the small groups. But the big midwinter recital is coming up, and—"

"It's fine, Robin," Leana hastily assured him. "I'm not upset and I'm certainly not blaming you. You need to concentrate on your music; I understand that. You're good at what you do and I wouldn't want to get in the way of it. It's just…"

"It's been a while."

"Yeah."

Robin led Leana over to a bench where they could sit and watch the approaching twilight descend around them. Robin reached up and gently pushed Leana's hair behind her ear. Leana turned startled eyes to Robin, beginning to melt into his green gaze.

"You really are beautiful," he breathed as he leaned in closely and let his mouth cover hers.

Leana let her fingers run through Robin's hair as she gave herself to the sensation. It had been a long time since she felt this peaceful and she was going to enjoy it. As Robin deepened the kiss, she felt her toes begin to tingle and thought left her mind as she allowed herself this glow of warmth amidst the chilly darkening world around her.

TBC

A/N: I know, cheesy ending, but I felt that Leana deserved some fluff after everything she's been through. And sorry for the delay, I had some trouble with this chapter and wanted to make sure I was happy with it before posting.

Seam – Thank you for your compliment. And for pointing out the spelling problems I had in Chapter 6. I hadn't re-read it once I put it through spell check (how embarrassing ;) and my spell check apparently decided to go on vacation. I was able to fix it after your comment.

Queen of the Jungle- I'm glad you're enjoying this story. And you have very good guesses about what is wrong with Leana.

Faeborn2930- Wow. You certainly make it easier to keep writing this story! I like keeping my readers happy.