Muv-Luv Reversal

by Zuoriel

Takeru has been leading a normal life until now. During the summer vacation of his second year in college he's invited by his high school friends to meet up again, to which he agrees. Shirogane doesn't know that this decision would release the nightmares that have been haunting him for some time, nightmares that would be better left forgotten.

35. Turning Points

Chapter 35: Turning Points

---

January 9th. A bit past 8 PM.

(Hospital Hallway.)

[Kageyuki]

---

I quickly move towards the place Haruna-san mentioned. I didn't even bother getting out of my uniform, I took the fastest train that could get me here. Thankfully, Takahisa-sama allowed me to come here. If he had refused… I was ready to quit the Guard then and there.

"Please remember that she is very weak. Remember to speak softly to her." A nurse that was accompanying me told me.

"I know that well, thank you very much."

Room 147… I softly bite my lower lip as I stand outside of it. I close my eyes, wincing as if in pain. It isn't entirely false, my heart is killing me right now. I never had a gash on me, but this is what it must feel like. After a moment where my hands twitched when going for the doorknob, I inhaled slowly and opened the door.

Miho was laying on a bed, frail, fleeting… As if she were made out of snow, made to melt as soon as winter ended.

"Miho… How are you?" I slowly got closer to her, she looked my way and gave me a pained smile.

"Sorry, Kageyuki… I made you all worry." Miho tried to rise from her position, but I stopped her.

"Don't be stupid. What happened?" I sit by her side, softly clasping her hands. Her cold, soft hands.

"I was just going to start preparing dinner… Then, all of a sudden, my chest started to hurt…" She grimaces as her head again lowers onto the pillow. Her voice resembled a bird chirping away, further and further away. "I tried to scream, but my throat shut close. It hurt to breathe… Everything was spinning… I don't remember anything else. I woke up this morning here, and I didn't know how I got here, or how much time had passed."

"She was very weak so we had to provide her with some imported medicine. She has reacted well to it so far." The nurse tells me.

"I see… Do you feel fine now?"

"…I still feel dizzy. But I'm fine, don't worry." She smiled, trying to lift her spirits a bit.

"What about Takeru?"

"Haruna-san came by earlier, she said she has him staying with her. Please go see him, Kage. Tell him I'll be back in a few days."

"…Yeah, I will."

We talked a bit more, me telling her I was fine and that my life back at Osaka was going well. Visiting hours soon came to an end, so I had to say goodbye shortly after.

As I got out, the doctor that was in charge of Miho told me he wished to discuss something with me, and so we went to his office.

"Please, sit down Shirogane-san." He said, pointing to a chair. "Well, I'm sure you've noticed, but your wife's condition isn't a good one."

"I believe her records should be available, Doctor. When do you think she'd be well enough to go back home?"

His eyelids descended, he gathered some papers and handed them to me. I had gotten used to seeing her medical reports, but I fail to see the difference between this and the other times.

"Doctor, these are her usual numbers. I don't see how this explains anything."

"We told you we used the best medicine we have at our disposal. Her treatment last night was the most that we could do for her. As you know, this hospital has many specialists in heart diseases… However, her condition barely improved."

"…What are you getting at?" I felt a tremor similar to the one of a shaking cockpit in my gut.

"Frankly, I am afraid to tell you that Miho-san's condition won't improve, on the contrary… I fear it will only get worse from here on out." He closed his eyes and spoke in that detached tone doctors take when bad news come pouring.

"Eh? What do you mean? The last doctor that saw her before moving said… They said she would get better! That she would be able to live a normal life!" I hit the desk with the papers he gave me, unable to restrain my voice from resembling a scream.

"Please calm down, Shirogane-san. Read the papers again. Her condition was improving, but… her heart seems to be getting weaker and weaker. If she had started to receive this treatment before, I am sure she would have reached the point where a single pill was all the she would need to live a normal life. But as things stands now, I cannot guarantee that she has the time for the procedures to heal her body."

"…What do you mean? Do we need a more expensive medicine? Will she recover if she's transferred to the Capital's hospital?" He shakes his head, making a knife pierce my throat slowly.

"If she doesn't suffer from any more relapses, she will slowly regain her health. However, in her body's current condition, after so many years of not receiving the proper treatment…" He closed his eyes, his hands tightening and softening in a small rhythm. He exhaled slowly through his nose, and opening his eyes, but not looking at me, he continued. "Please remain calm to what I'm about to tell you. If Miho-san's condition doesn't improve in the next few days… The chances that her heart will stop working are very high, and in her current condition… we might not be able to do anything to save her, since she might not survive another operation."

…Huh?

Miho's heart will… stop? And there's nothing we can do about it now?

I felt my insides being emptied, that feeling when you have a lapse in your memory forming in my head, I couldn't accept what I was told.

Every since we moved her from Yao to Osaka she had been receiving the best treatment we could pay for. Sure, she still didn't improve as much as she could due to how the neighborhood was. She couldn't stop worrying about me, thanks to the political climate of Osaka, and she wasn't welcomed there either, due to her upbringing as a peasant. That's why the doctor recommended us moving away from that environment, for her mental health to truly improve. But this month in Hiiragi she… she said she was feeling better than ever. Why… Why now, of all times? I can't help to tighten my fists so much it hurts, gritting my teeth at the words the doctor spoke. It feels as if the floor had vanished and a TSF was falling on my shoulders.

"But… But… But the specialist in Osaka said she was going to be fine, that all she needed was to take her medicine to help her heart pump blood as it normally should! That if she could find an environment where she felt at ease, everything would be under control."

"Yes, that was the case in her last visit. However, as I told you before, they gave her a medicine made here, in Japan. While in the vast majority of cases it would have been enough, Miho-san began her treatment in adulthood. The signs of her heart problem were not detected until she was pregnant, if the records are correct."

"Yes, that is the case. We both were surprised when we found out." Miho was never very athletic, and I always had to take it easy on her during sex and do most of the heavy stuff back home, but I always thought that was just how she was. That's why I always insisted on moving away and on having someone help her out in the daily chores, but she didn't want to. She wanted us to save all of our money for Takeru's future in case I ever died in the battlefield.

"If she had started treatment at an earlier age, she wouldn't have gotten to this point." The doctor said, looking to the ceiling. "And, had you treated her with this American medicine at least a few years ago, her condition would have improved much faster. However, as it stands now… Her heart is growing weaker and we might not have enough time for the medicine to affect her before it's too late."

"Is the pacemaker she had until now not enough anymore?"

"There is little a pacemaker can do when the heart stops beating completely. She is alive now thanks to it, that's why she managed to arrive here alive after she fainted. However, considering the strain that she was put to endure… Let me remind you that CRT does not cure heart failure, and in her case, I believe she has lasted longer than what any doctor would have expected her to live. I know this is cruel to say… But I believe Miho-san won't make it to February."

You gotta be kidding me… I knew this day would come, we both knew it. But she was getting better, the medicine and the pacemaker had made her so much good…

"We will do all we can to treat her, but please keep in mind what I've told you."

"…I will. Thanks for your honesty, Doctor." I bow to the man and, after taking one breath, exit the office.

All the way back home, I could do nothing more than stare at the ground. My gloves might tear up any second now, since I'm clawing at my hands so strongly. The floor might be crumbling away for all I care, I feel as if I would turn to dust the second anything hits me with some strength.

…I was ready to die. I was ready to march to my death, knowing I had left you two everything I could. I always hoped you would get better, at least to be with Takeru until he was old enough to learn to take care of himself.

…But how am I supposed to live without you? How am I supposed to carry on? What will I tell Takeru? If I die now… He'll be sent to an orphanage. Thanks to being in the Guard now, I was able to learn a few secrets about… our bureaucracy. Not all orphanages are warm places… Many are run by people that have to make sure no kids get adopted, all to ensure the IJA has enough fresh recruits in a few years, all to allow the people with money to save their children from the obligatory conscription.

…How can I keep fighting… if everything I've done until now… is going to crumble down when your heart fades away…

I got out of the taxi I called, my house comes into view.

I inhale through my nose a few times, looking up to the sky. Feeling my chest filled with the cold air, I clean off the tears that wanted to run away. I open my mouth and draw one final, long breath. You gotta be strong, Kageyuki. Now, you can't die. That's all there is to it. Takeru needs you, so get your shit together. You know how hard it is, to live without your parents. So, stop being pathetic… Hic… I just gotta survive if I have to fight. That's all I gotta do.

…Takeru will need me by his side, though. I guess that means… my journey in the Royal Guard has come to an end. Leaving now, when I established myself as a core member of Takahisa-sama's squad… might be seen as treason.

Who gives a shit? My son comes first. If it wasn't for the stupid arguments with the Americans, Miho would have received the better medicine and…

"No… It's not their fault… Sigh… How the hell am I supposed to take care of Takeru like this?" I exhale, shaking my head as I bring a hand to my forehead.

Come on, you were prepared for something like this since a long time ago. You gotta do what a man's gotta…

No. I have to do what a father has to do. You can cry on the way back to Osaka, but for now… You have to be strong for Takeru.

I went to the Kagami's door with heavy step, each one feeling as if I were stepping in mud, as I was going to slip and fall at the moment my attention dulled for a second. I gulped again before ringing the doorbell.

A short moment was all I spent in wait.

"Kageyuki-san! Did you made it in time?" Haruna-san came out in a rush after seeing it was me.

"Yes… Is Takeru still awake?"

"Yes, please come in."

I enter her house, the difference in temperature making me shiver a little. Soon after entering, the sound of the stairs guided my gaze towards them.

"Dad! Where is Mom?" Takeru rushed to my side, almost falling at the last steps.

I crouched and hugged him, holding him in silence for a moment. Caressing his back, I felt my chest tightening as I held back my tears at the sound of his voice.

Come on, Kageyuki. You can… You have to do it.

"Are you okay, Takeru?" I say, ruffling his hair softly.

"Yes… Where is Mom?"

"Mom is still in the hospital. Don't worry, she's fine now. Will you go visit her tomorrow?"

"Yeah! But… She'll come back home, right?" He looked up at me, his creaky tone driving more knives in my gut.

"Takeru, listen closely to what Dad has to say…" I licked my lips, softly letting some air out. "Mom will have to stay in the hospital for some time again."

"Eh?! But… But she said she wasn't sick anymore!"

"…It seems this winter… was too harsh for her, Takeru."

"Is it because of the snow?"

"…We don't know. The doctors are doing all they can to help, so let's be positive about this, okay? You gotta smile for her when you go see her tomorrow."

"Y-Yes… I'll cheer her up and give her lots of hugs. Are you coming too, Dad?" His grip on me tightened, and despite how tender his hands are, I could only feel a crushing force piking at my heart.

"We'll both go at morning. After that… I have to go back to the samurai."

"Eh? But… But Mom is sick!" I know… Please Takeru, don't make this harder on me.

"Yeah, but… The samurai are the ones who allowed us to take Mom to the hospital, Takeru. But don't worry…" I again pat his head, biting the inner side of my mouth strongly enough that it began to hurt. "I will do all I can to talk with them, and then I'll come back home. We'll wait for Mom to get better together."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I promise. So, you gotta go to sleep early today. Let's go home, Takeru." I stood up, grabbing his hand. "Haruna-san, can I ask you to look after him while I'm gone? I can leave you some money if-"

"Don't you finish that!" She said, pointing a finger at me. "You can leave Takeru-chan in my hands. We'll keep him company until Miho-san gets better. Right, Sumika?"

"Yes… I'll help too." The little one nodded, despite how her hands were trembling.

"…Thank you. Really, thank you."

"It's nothing. I'm sure you need a good rest. Takeru-chan already ate, so don't worry about that. There's still some food leftover if you want."

"No, it's alright." I don't think I can stomach anything right now. "Well, we'll be going. See you tomorrow, and thanks again for helping Miho yesterday. Truly… I can't thank you enough."

She nods and we go towards the doorway. Takeru hugs Sumika before saying his goodbyes. As he did, I approached Haruna-san and spoke in a hushed tone.

"Haruna-san, I'll come back once he's asleep. Is that alright?" She nods, giving the kids a look.

We go out into the street and return home. I take Takeru to his room and got him into his bed.

I remained by his side until he fell asleep, he didn't even need a story. All he asked from me was to hold his hand, and now he doesn't seem to want to let it go despite being asleep. I didn't make much effort to release myself, instead I started caressing his forehead and fringe. Slowly, calmly, he sleeps. And now that he can't see me, a few tears get out from my eyes as I bend over and kiss his forehead.

What will I say to him when Miho dies? Can I… tell him that she's dead? He's seven, he isn't that little anymore. But Miho always kept him from the news, and we never remained in contact with our relatives. How do I explain to him… what it means to die? How will I answer when he asks me if I'm going to die too?

That last thought was enough to make me choke on empty air. I feel as if I had swallowed hot sand, and then tried to clean my mouth with boiling bleach. Rubbing my chest in circles, I release my hand from his and again clasp his cheek. I simply sat there looking at him, as the minutes went by, as the clock disturbed our silence, as I stopped feeling pain and it turned to hollowness.

After some time, I left his side and went towards my neighbor's house once more. Once inside, she made some tea for both of us and explained to me what had happened in detail. How she found Miho, that the kids were the ones who found her first, what the doctors told her, and how Takeru was today.

"I know it's a personal matter, but… how is Miho-san's health?"

"…The doctors said she doesn't have much time left."

"Huh?"

"They said she was lucky to live so much despite her condition. The doctor who treated her told me… she probably won't make it to February." Every word drains a bit of warmth from my world.

"…Oh, I didn't… I didn't knew her condition was…"

"Sorry. Could you look after Takeru until I return from the Guard? Again, I can leave you enough money for around a week. And no, I am serious. If you hadn't helped her… Miho would have already died." She grimaces, heaves a sigh and drinks some more tea.

"…There's no way I wouldn't have helped her. You all did much for me in the short time you were here."

"Huh? Really?"

Her gaze lowers, losing itself in her cup of tea. While I haven't spoken much with her, she and her daughter seemed like very warm, bright people. To think her face could be clouded in such grief… Sigh… All of us had it hard at some point, what am I saying?

"Sumika was… being bullied very badly at school." Her tone cold as snow, her gaze unmoving from that cup of tea. "I also didn't have anyone to talk to here at the time. But when your family moved here, Takeru-chan helped Sumika in school, and thanks to that she recovered her smile and no one bullies her anymore now. As a mother, I cannot express how much I thank your son for that."

She looked at me, smiling faintly as the radiant warmth returned to her tone.

"And Miho-san has been very kind to me, sharing their house and food with us despite me not being able to contribute as much to the dinner when cooking together. She never said anything about it, she sympathized with us when people brought up my husband's death, she was always… so positive and nice. I truly… I truly think of her as a good friend, despite the short time we have know each other."

She closed her eyes and smiled, drinking more tea. She then returned my gaze, again in a serious way.

"So, please don't worry. I'll look after Takeru-chan while you're away, Kageyuki-san. I assure you that he will be safe with me."

"…Thank you, Haruna-san. Really… I have no words to thank you enough."

"Please, stop that. Is there really nothing that can be done?"

"No… We already did everything we could. Before moving here, she was in the hospital for around a week. The doctors there told us she would be fine from now on, as long as she took the medicine. Sigh…" I run a hand over my forehead again.

"I see… Well, in any case, you can trust in me. Takeru-chan will be safe until you come back." I nod, finishing my tea.

"Thanks. Oh right, let me tell you my base's number. If anything happen, call for me and I'll try to come as soon as I'm able."

After noting down the phone number, I thank her again and go back home.

I carefully got out of my suit and, without energy left, I slowly changed into my pajamas, that Miho still kept washed and clean in case I ever came back on a break. I then collapse onto the bed, barely managing to get under the sheets. And yet…

This absence of heat, this void I feel when my hands move forward…The emptiness by my side didn't let me fall asleep as fast as my fatigue made me think I would.

The coldness of the bed made me claw at my sides.

The thought that this will be the way I'll sleep for the rest of my life was too much to bear.

Knowing I'll never feel her breath on my neck, the comfort of her closeness at dawn, the sight of her eyes before me whenever I wake up gone forever, I simply remained still, eyes closed as tightly as the knot forming around my neck.

Crying in silence, somehow, I eventually fell asleep.

---

Next Day. 09:18 AM.

(Hospital. Miho's Room.)

---

"Mom, how are you?" Takeru walked up to the bed, giving Miho a hug.

"I'm fine, Takeru. Mom is just a bit dizzy."

"Really? Then, are you coming home soon?" Miho's smile vanished for a moment, quickly returning in a dulled way.

"…I don't know, but you be a good boy until I come back, okay?"

"Yes." He nodded, holding her hand.

"Miho, how do feel today?" She looks at me as she slowly caresses Takeru's hair.

"I am feeling a bit better. Don't worry so much, Kage."

We spent a little time chatting, Takeru telling her he was fine with the Kagamis, she apologizing for 'falling asleep on the floor', and me telling her Haruna-san was going to be looking after Takeru until everything got back to normal.

I asked one of the nurses to watch Takeru for a while, to give us some space.

"…What is it, Kage? What happened?" Her tone finally stopped lying, decreasing in vigor and speed as suddenly as a summer rain.

"Well… The doctor told me you were informed of your condition as we were coming here."

"Yes… It seems I'm… short on time." She then laughed weakly, moving a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, we don't know that… You still might have more time than what the doctors think. After all-"

"Don't, Kageyuki." She looked into my eyes, and despite her weakened complexion her eyes were sharper than what mine feel. "Holding out for a miracle… is only going to make it worse. There won't be any more 'See you laters' between us. This… This time it will be 'Goodbye'."

I closed my eyes, drowning a sob under the back of my throat. I know… I know that it will hurt me more… But you can't just kill my hope like that, dammit. And using Takeru's words, too.

"Then… How am I going to carry on without you?"

"You told me before, remember?" She slowly raised a hand, I got closer so that she could reach my cheek without effort. "You're stronger than you think. It will be hard, I'm sure. But you can do it, Kage. You're still healthy after all, and you're part of the Royal Guard too."

I clasp her hand that was caressing my cheek softly. I close my eyes, simply feeling her warmth, her fading, distant warmth.

"Miho, I… I'm going to quit the Guard. Takeru needs his father close by, and if you get better somehow you can't keep taking care of everything yourself." Her eyelids lowered, she sighed and returned my gaze again.

"…Then, what about work?"

"You don't worry about it. Focus on getting better and don't worry. Everything will be fine, I will be here from now on. And if I am called to fight and die, you know what will happen to Takeru. So… You leave it to me, I'll-"

"Kageyuki, you… you shouldn't do that. Don't quit the Guard."

"Huh? But then-"

"If you do, many will call you a traitor. Then, you won't be able to find another work that pays as good as you would need to keep living in Hiiragi. I know you're not good with numbers, but even you can see that, right?" She smiled, giggling at me.

"…Then, who takes care of Takeru?"

"You always insisted on hiring a nanny, didn't you? Well, you can do that now."

"…You always opposed that. If we had done that before you-"

"Kage, don't." She put a finger on my lips, and this time I couldn't prevent a few tears from running away. "It's fine… The doctors said it too, right? I lived more than what one would expect. I got to see Takeru grow up, even if it's a shame I won't see him become a man. You gave me a life better than what I ever expected to have. So please, you have to do my share from now on too. You can't quit the Guard."

"…If I die, that's it. No nanny will prevent Takeru from being taken to an orphanage."

"I know… Couldn't you ask Kurosawa-san to help, in case the worst happen? I think you said he-"

"Koetsu broke his engagement last week."

"Huh? Is that so?"

"Yeah, the whole House was in an uproar. Koetsu seems happy now, despite everything. But he himself told me he was going to wait some time before proposing to the woman he loves." I am happy for him, to have taken that step. The amount of trouble it brought him, and he still rejected the 'proposal' to throw everything under the rug if he backed down and accepted to marry his former fiancee.

"But then, that's fine. So far you weren't called to fight. Don't be so negative, Kage." She again caressed my cheek softly.

"…Sigh, I'll try. Anyways, at the least I'll ask for some time off. Takeru will need me with him if… the worst happens. And I will need to look myself for someone trustworthy." I can't bother Haruna-san with this, even if I would welcome them looking after Takeru.

"I see… Please look after yourself, Kage. And don't worry, I'm fine for now. You already… did more than enough for me." I caress her hair softly, kissing her forehead.

"Don't worry, Miho. Nothing is set in stone yet. Well, I have to go back to Osaka for now. I'll try to be back as soon as I can." She nods and, after caressing her cheek one last time, I stood up and went to the door. I stop by it and look back. "You just rest and get as better as you can, okay? See you later, Miho."

"Yes… Have a safe trip." She slowly waved at me.

So… You don't want to say it anymore…

I get out and slowly walk away. What should I do, Miho? You told me to keep working… but who will look after our Takeru if I'm not here?

Resign myself to keep being a pawn to safeguard his future. Risk becoming a traitor to heal his heart.

…I guess in the end it's up to me. My honor or his smile, which one would I rather lose?

---

January 10th. Around 5 PM.

(Osaka Castle Guards' Outpost. CO's Room.)

[Takahisa Koubuin]

---

"Rejected."

"May I ask why, Takahisa-sama?" Shirogane retorted, tensing his brows and looking rather upset.

"You are a key part of my flight. I cannot have you gone on such a short notice. We have many important trials against the soon-to-be adopted Kagerou, and I require your presence in them, Shirogane. That is all."

"Then…" He inhaled deeply for a moment, his lips moving in an odd manner. "If you won't allow me to take some time off, I suppose I should present a formal document requesting my detachment from the squadron?" His words almost generated a reaction in my face, for him to be this adamant in leaving his post.

"What are you saying?!" Kazora loudly said, rising from his seat. His turquoise eyes seething with venom, his tone mired by blazes. "You want to simply turn tail and leave, Shirogane?"

"My son needs me by his side. I have made myself clear enough. If I cannot get your approval for a small time off my duties… I suppose my stay here has come to an end."

"Pah… All you peasants are the same." My retainer folded his arms, driving his turquoise gaze into Shirogane, who didn't flinch. "You received much from the moment you were admitted here. How can you be so selfish when all you have now is thanks to the Royal Guard?"

"I understand that well, Col. Tsukuyomi. However, my personal situation is one that requires me to be by my son's side now. Please, I believe I am making myself clear on this matter."

Kazora and me both lowered our brows, Shirogane almost never is this court and stiff with us despite how much he's been reminded to use formal speech in my presence.

"Should you decide that I cannot return to his side while I am serving in the Guard, then I believe it best for me to simply leave. It wouldn't do Takahisa-sama any good to have a pilot whose mind is elsewhere during these trials, would you not agree Col. Tsukuyomi?"

"You speak the truth, however, you should be aware of your position in our ranks." Kazora continued while I brought a hand to my chin, carefully watching their exchange. "You are the sole commoner in the squadron's permanent members. This honor that has been bequeathed onto you is a rare one, and in these days we are in need of your abilities. Yet, you wish to abandon your position in such a hasty manner… I can't see this as anything other than treason." He again folded his arms, his tone severe as the swings of his blade. Shirogane, however, remained as collected as if he were receiving his customary morning briefing.

"It is regretful if you decide to see it as that. I will not back down, however. My son needs his father, so I shall be by his side."

"That is not for you to decide, 1st Lt. Shirogane." Kazora said.

"You also cannot reject my resignation from my post, Col. Tsukuyomi. See it as you will, I have notified you of my situation and of my plans."

"Hmph… Such insolence, it seems that training you was a waste of resources in the end." My retainer folded his arms again, scowling.

"Should I take your words as the formal answer, Colonel?" It is not rare for me to relay orders through both Tsukuyomi brothers at times. However, this is something I cannot do this time.

Shirogane is not such a serious person. He dislikes formal speech as much as I dislike Yohime getting inside a kitchen. I already asked about this matter, I know of his wife's condition. In spite of this, I cannot bestow him this favor for my House requires Shirogane by my side for the trials to come. We need to determine the new strength of the IJA, to further enhance the Zuikaku as needed. And he's one of my best men, the thought of losing him… If House Koubuin is the lone House that loses in these trials, our standing will suffer.

However, should I use my standing to keep him here, the unyielding resolution within his eyes tells that such a course of action will only make everything worse. Hmm… Whatever shall I do… I cannot turn a blind eye to my fellow's plea, yet I cannot allow him to go to his son's aid…

…A moment, why is it that I cannot do both? Hmm… Yes, what exactly prevents us from having Shirogane visit his son while also being here in time for the test battles? Logistics? I can have him use one of my personal trains, and it's not like I cannot deal with a few issues coming from letting him use it, for they're mine to command.

"Shirogane, am I correct to assume you do not wish to leave the Guard?"

"…I do not, Takahisa-sama. However, if left with no other choice, I will place my son's well-being first."

"So, were we to find a method that allowed you to be near your son, you would have no more reason to present these papers of resignation, am I correct?"

"My liege, I am sure you know Shirogane's son is in Yokohama. We do not-"

"Tsukuyomi, our private trains are more than enough for this task, are they not?"

"Sir, we cannot let a commoner use them! Even less so for this matter. What would it say about you if word gets out you're using the House's resources for the private matters of a commoner?"

"A commoner that happens to be a core member of this House's pilot squadron. My resources are mine to administer, and I deem Shirogane necessary for the following tests. Are you questioning my judgment by any chance, Tsukuyomi?"

"No, sir, I would never." He closed his eyes and bowed shortly.

"Then Shirogane, what do you say of this arrangement?"

"I mean… Ahem, is it alright, Takahisa-sama? I do not wish to bring trouble to you or the House." Sigh… It is strangely uncomfortable, hearing you being formal.

"I said it is fine, and so, fine it is. I do try to not delve into my fellow's private matters unless they come to me for advice, but I suggest you to focus on what shall come. The Koubuin House needs you for the tests that will come in only a matter of days, but allow me to cut to the chase. What will you do after your wife passes away?"

He did a good effort to conceal it, yet his lips curved unnaturally. An ever so slight tremble of his fists, happening with the hastiness of a humming bird's wing flaps. Shirogane is holding his facade well, but it is clear as daylight. If I fold my hand on this matter, I will lose a good fellow.

"…I cannot say what I'll do, not when my feelings have not been sorted out." Finally, his gaze receded from ours and retreated towards the ground.

"Hmph, what kind of man are you?" Kazora said, the sting of a scorpion in his tongue. "You are a father and a husband, you should already have an answer ready, Shirogane. It is most shameful to hear you display such weakness."

"…If that is what you think of me, I suppose there is no more reason for us to exchange words." Shirogane's gaze narrowed again, meeting my retainer's.

"Now, now, let us not be hasty." I extended a hand and direct a gaze at my retainer, so that he calms down before words that cannot be taken back are pronounced. "Shirogane, I wish for you to stay in my squadron. While the following months will be busy and you won't be able to visit your son as often as you'd like, I can look for someone trustworthy myself that can take care of him in your absence. Of course, I will keep your income in mind, but I can guarantee you he will be in good hands."

"Sir, I am grateful for this… However, this is a personal matter. Col. Tsukuyomi is right, I do not deserve this deference."

"The one who decides whether you do or not is me. I am the Head of the House and your superior, the one who decided that your services as a permanent member of my squadron are required as of now, and I would be wishing for you to start seeing yourself as a permanent vassal of my House. It has been brought to my attention that some of our fellows do hold… some conflicting views towards you, however you are one of us nonetheless. And as your lord, it is my responsibility to assist you in your hour of need. What would it say about me as a Head of a Regent House if I treated you as nothing but an expendable piece?"

"Even so, looking for a caretaker is something I should do. And I wish to be by his side, I-"

"Then, all you need is someone who can properly take care of your son, someone who will put your mind at ease. Then, you won't have to leave your post."

"However, that isn't the only problem…" His gaze lowers and sinks, filled to the brim with the depths of a trench.

I suppose he worries that, after his death, his son will be sent to a certain type of orphanage. If we are called to fight, that might as well be the case.

…The code would normally bind my hands. We should not show favoritism towards any of our fellows. Yet, I cannot help but to sympathize with his plight. He does not know of it, and yet, his worry for a son that will be left alone is similar to mine towards Meiya.

Were I to die, Yuuhi would become the next head. I already made that clear and wrote my will in advance for it to be a reality. And yet… If I die, only Raiden will be left to look over her. And he also has not much time left. Furthermore, Meiya will be fated to forever live in isolation as a pawn of the Shogunate, forced to be a body double for Yuuhi, stripped of any freedom or joys. I am the only one that can lift the accursed brand I put above her head the second she was born.

Going as far as he can for the sake of his heir, disregarding social norms without missing a heartbeat. I wonder, could I do the same for Meiya? To give her something for herself, something besides living in the shadows? It is a mystery to me, how could my ancestors cut away their sons and daughters with such ease? Or, perhaps, I am the one in the wrong? Am I giving my heart too much importance?

And yet… I cannot help but envy your freedom, Shirogane. Family customs notwithstanding, I sent Meiya away despite Yohime's pleading. If you have taught me something, is that there is always a solution where you least expect it to be. Your peculiar maneuvering has proved vital in many of our mock battles after all, and your honest and forward demeanor, despite being coarse at times, has made me realize how many foul adulators used to surround me in my inner circles.

So… This conundrum feels less like aiding him with these problems, and more like Shirogane is but fate's mirror showing me the inner, uglier side of myself. That side I wished to seclude deep inside my mind, the cold side that doomed one of my daughters to live trapped in a cage.

"…Shirogane, allow me to say this." He looks up, I entwine my fingers slowly, inhaling as a weight comes off my shoulders, giving me a so foreign feeling of stillness. "If you were to die in the field, I will do what is in my power to make sure your son doesn't fall in the wrong hands. I assure you of this."

"Takahisa-sama, what are you saying?!" Kazora's eyes were widening, the trembling of a leaf as a ladybug lands on it present in his tone for but a moment. "You should not show such gestures to anyone. More so to someone who is but a inductee, someone from a family without a history of service to our House. What would be said about you if-"

"In the worst case scenario I am describing, Shirogane would have served me well, up until his death. That would give me enough reason to look after his descendant, as the heir of a fellow of mine."

"Well, that is true, however-" I again interrupt Tsukuyomi, narrowing my eyes and taking a slower, clashing tone similar to my blade strikes, making him take a step back.

"And must I remind you that Shirogane is a permanent member of my squadron, something I myself have decided. To oppose this would mean to oppose me directly, which I cannot have one of my retainers do, Tsukuyomi." He nods slowly, bowing in apology, his gaze repositioned upon the floor. I lean back on my seat, smiling again and dulling my edge. "If I recall correctly, Saionji-sama is always insisting on keeping one's most trusted fellows close. I am just following the Shogun's advice, if anyone ever poses a question towards my actions."

"But my liege, he's but a peas-"

"His status matters not. He is one of us, Tsukuyomi. So Shirogane, you can rest assured. Do give me some time to find someone worth your trust to take care of your son."

"Um… Takahisa-sama, I am thankful for your worry. But I believe-"

"Do you happen to know of someone better than me to take care of this matter?" I say, leaning forward. Unlike Tsukuyomi, however, Shirogane shows no taint of apprehension or fear in him. Only his gaze lowers, and with the same worry I once saw in mine as I left Meiya to her luck.

"No, however, my son needs me by his side. What would it say about me as a father to abandon my son in this way?" His words cut a gash deeper than any blade ever could. A vile taste spreads on my mouth, I close my eyes and take a moment to inhale through my nose.

"If I allowed you to leave, people will assuredly begin to see you as Tsukuyomi said they would. Even if I tried to clarify the matter, many shall say you're a traitor, especially in this climate we're living."

Many are the ones who do not like the adoption of the F-15, even more within the Guard at the prospect of it becoming the successor to the Zuikaku as well. I myself am not entirely pleased, but one must be aware of one's own limits and shortcomings. Sadly, this schism won't be going away any time soon, not while American troops remain stationed in the Empire. As much as I'd like to support our domestic frame, I must avoid furthering the tensions. And to that end, I need to maintain my position while I continue to provide results. And to make results continue to appear, I need all of my fellows in top condition. So, I cannot simply let this rest.

"While it seems you see this as a black or white choice there are many options available to you, Shirogane. You do not have to choose between remaining on the Guard or safeguarding your son."

"…May I ask why are you willing to go so far for me, Takahisa-sama?" He lowered his head slightly as he asked the query. I place a leg over another, a strange shiver spawning on my neck at his forced manners.

"I said so before, you're a fellow of mine. My House requires your services, and, as your superior and lord, I cannot turn a blind eye to your hardships. I would suggest bringing your son back to Osaka, but it seems he has found good fellows in Hiiragi. As such, fret not and do rest easy for I will find someone that can watch over your son while you continue to work here. I suppose, you do not have any other reasons to wish to leave your post, am I right?" I ask the sole doubt that could be claimed against him, yet I see no wavering nor ripples in his eyes as he returns my gaze. The honest, frontal Shirogane has never been found lying, not even once. And that is one of the reasons I cannot lose you, my fellow.

"Of course not, sir. I am truly thankful for all you've done for me since I arrived, and for even considering inducting me in the first place."

"I see. Then, please do return to your activities for the day. We can have another talk at large tomorrow. Tsukuyomi, please go look for the number of the child care services."

"Takahisa-sama, are you serious?"

"Did I stutter, perhaps?" I narrow my eyes, Kazora gulps, shakes his head and then gives me a small bow.

"Um… So…" Shirogane rose a single brow, folding his arms. "Regardless of who you send now, will you truly… look after Takeru if I do die in battle?" His words were as heavy as Mt. Fuji, it seems it took a severe effort for him to ask that.

"Yes, I assure you of that. As your lord, I will extend a hand towards your son. Of course, there is little we can do once he's taken to an orphanage, however I'll make sure we can have a talk with him before that happens. You're one of us, Shirogane. And it is my duty and obligation to look after my fellows as the Head of the Koubuin House. Worry not, your son will be safe." Again, the facade almost broke off. He bowed to me, stiffness permeating his whole body.

"…Thank you, Takahisa-sama. I… I don't know what to say…"

"It is alright, you may rise. You've been through many a great hardships these days, return to your room for now. We shall continue this conversation tomorrow."

"Yes, sir. And again, thank you very much. I swear I'll redouble my efforts from now on, Takahisa-sama." He bows deeply to us again, and then goes his way out of my office.

I sigh, content to have seen Shirogane honestly relaxing into his usual posture before he left. Leaning back on my seat, my gaze wanders towards my retainer, whose face twisted around into a frown.

"…What do you wish to say, Kazora?"

"Takahisa-sama, you cannot do this."

"And why would that be?" I close my eyes, resting my interlocked hands on my chest.

"First, Shirogane is still not a fellow of us. He's but an inductee, regardless of his position in your squadron." Sigh… His efforts have earned him that honor, why does everybody opposes him so strongly? It cannot be only because of his manners. "Second, to involve yourself this deeply into his private matters is not a wise move. Would you do the same for the rest of your fellows?"

"If I recall correctly, we have given many loans to the Fudai and Tozama families that serve directly under us so that their endeavors could bear fruit. Some of their heirs are now part of my squadron as well, others serve us in other areas beyond military matters. I believe this situation is actually a rather simple showing of appreciation towards Shirogane compared to what we've done for others in the past." Kazora's eyes narrow, his head slowly shaking from left to right.

"Those families proved themselves trustworthy after generations of serving. Even those who rose from the peasantry were tested before such gestures were given to them."

"And I've tested Shirogane's character many times already. He keeps almost no money for himself, he sends most of it to his family. He has no desire to leave, he is merely stricken with worry for his son. And he has never asked for any preferential treatment or any reward for his services, not even once. And let's not forget that he has maintained a composed behavior since he arrived despite all the unplesantry that is said behind his back. I believe he is to be trusted." I met Kazora's gaze with the serenity of a pond's surface. Closing his eyes for a moment, a hand rose to his chin as a few fingers softly ran over his thinly shaved beard.

"And my last concern is…" He starts, then looks upwards towards nowhere. "I believe Shirogane is right. The boy needs his father, especially so at a time like this."

"…Oh, I see. And, pray tell, why is that?"

"They're peasants, Takahisa-sama. Their families mean the world for them, probably more than what the Emperor or the Shogun mean in their hearts. No caretaker will ever replace the gaze of a father, the warmth of a mother. And furthermore, to claim you'll look over the child after his father's passing… is the same as saying you'll put him under your care, my liege."

"And whatever is the problem with that? We look after the heirs of our fellows all the time."

"However, Shirogane isn't a noble. The weight of the other's looks will surely make the child's life here undoubtedly hard. The freedom he will lose, the hardships he hasn't been prepared for that he'd have to face…"

Kazora sighs heavily, his gaze squinting with the intensity of the blazes that follow suit after Yohime enters a kitchen.

"I do not believe the child deserves any further troubles, not after what he's going through as of now. Leaving him in the freedom of the peasantry is what would do him better. The boy will crumble under the pressure of the expectations he'd have to meet, maybe even start to resent us for forcing him to lead such a life."

He takes a pause, I remain as calm as always. He clears his throat, placing both hands behind his back.

"You should know it well, Takahisa-sama. Commoners have freedoms we cannot enjoy. And to take that away from the little boy… The ways of life of peasants and nobles should not mix, each of us has a way to serve, a way to live unique to our standing. While you can act to make sure the boy doesn't get sent to a cruel place if his father were to die, I believe he would live a happier life alongside his commoner fellows."

"…Your personal experiences wouldn't be hampering your judgment, would they Tsukuyomi?"

"Of course not, my liege."

"I see. And, may I ask why did you not speak in this way with Shirogane? I may be the Head now, but you're still my retainer. I would have welcomed this honesty as opposed to the hostility you displayed during our talk." I move my fringe away from my eyes as I look at him well. He averted his gaze after a moment.

"…I believe we nobles must remain steadfast and stoic, never to waver in front of our fellows. We are those who embody the soul of the Empire, we cannot show cracks."

"Showing emotion doesn't make you weaker, Tsukuyomi."

"I stand by my words, my liege. And even so, you cannot allow yourself to send a caretaker to his home. If such an arrangement were to be tracked, some of our rivals might use that intel against you."

"Sigh… So, what you're saying is, I have to send someone nobody can track? Hmm… Thanks for the suggestion, Kazora."

"No, I wasn't-"

"Now then, in that case, that means we need to find a way to aid this little boy without anyone detecting our moves."

"Takahisa-sama, please listen. We shouldn't-"

"Which means, we need to send someone we know won't divulge this intel, someone of our inner circles."

"My liege, something of the sort would-"

"However, I can't just send someone I already have employed in another project. Kazora, do you have any further suggestions?"

"…I am not going to dissuade you from this course of action, will I?" He says, placing a hand in his forehead, rubbing it in circles.

"Did you not say just now that we nobles should not waver?" I smile, leaning into one of my palms.

"That is not what I meant. Sigh… I believe Yohime-sama would know better, since she watches over the Main House and all of the vassals there alongside the Grand Chamberlain."

"Yes, a good idea. Alright, I shall discuss it with her tonight. By the way, has Bazora sent his report already?"

"Not yet. I believe the meeting with our fellows has not yet ended."

"I see… Well, little we can do. Let us go check up on our crew. It is rare for me to have free time, after all." I get up, making my way towards the door. "Oh, that's right. Would our private train be in working condition?"

"…Yes, if you require it. Where do you wish to go, Takahisa-sama?"

"To pay Raiden a visit." Kazora's turquoise eyes filled with ripples, his face blooming with wrinkles similarly to when we spar in the dojo.

"Sir, there were no reports coming from Raiden. There is no need to-"

"I wish to visit him. Is there a problem with that, perchance?" I cut his words as if I were using my blade, he stands in attention and bows.

"No, my liege. Shall I order the train to be prepared?"

"Yes, I wish to depart after dinner. I do need to speak with Yohime about this little matter as well. Let us go."

I open the door and walk out, towards the different offices in my care. It is so rare, for me to have a bit of free time. I almost always get reports from both Tsukuyomis, so I rarely see the state of things in the castle and my house with my own eyes. This should be a fun end to the afternoon.

---

Same Day. 09:51 PM.

(Raiden's House. Living Room.)

---

"Welcome, Takahisa-sama. What can I do for you?"

"Please, Uncle. Nobody is here to spy on us." Raiden stops bowing and smiles, holding a chuckle.

"I see… So, what has brought you here today? I believe I have relayed all of my reports through the Tsukuyomi brothers."

"Yes, and they have reached me. And I am pleasantly astonished at the result of your endeavors. However, today I am not here to discuss business. I have come to you for another matter. Let us have some tea, we need to talk."

We both go to the table, where a warm kettle was waiting already. He pours the tea into our cups, and as he sits I drink a bit. Looking around, I see what Meiya calls home. A house with very few windows, filled with our classical decorations and furniture befitting of Uncle's station, but surrounded by tall walls on the outside. Unlike Yuuhi, who sometimes accompanies us to our travels, Meiya has never set foot outside these walls. This small house is her whole world…

"So Takahisa, what is the matter?"

"How is your health, Uncle?"

"Haha, I am as sane as a young horse. Banish all worry in you." He puffs his chest, laughing a bit.

"Yet, you're not the one tending to the house anymore."

"Well… Being alone is harder than I thought." He says, with the longing of a buried seed for spring to come. We drink some more tea, us both directing a gaze at a drawing of his late bride, the original heir of the Mitsurugi House.

Raiden Koubuin, my father's younger brother, was forced to give up his last name to avoid any succession discussions by his father, my late grandfather. Luckily, he and Father were always in good terms. Unlike me and my late brother.

"If I may, what do you say of letting someone watch over Meiya's learning from time to time?"

"Hey, pampering Meiya is my last joy. Don't you dare to take that from me, Takahisa." He smiles as he reaches for his cup once more.

"Hahaha, I wouldn't dare to do such a thing. I merely think you need some aid, that is all. By the by, how has Meiya been?"

"…There is nothing to say, nothing ever happens here." His tone somber, like the shadows of a full moon night. "She sometimes asks what lies beyond the walls, but those questions are becoming more rare and distant with each passing day. I believe she might be coming to realize she is never setting foot outside of the house."

"I see… What of the teachers you assigned to her?"

"All of them are under secrecy, do not worry. She's progressing as well as she should. Though, I can't say I enjoy her listless gaze towards the sky at night." He then drinks slowly, extending the silence in the house.

"…Say Uncle, what do you say of having one of the younger Tsukuyomi come here as a retainer to Meiya?"

"Huh? …Are you serious? This is a taboo, a twin must never be recognized in the Koubuin Family."

"I am the Head, and I am the law in the House."

"Your cousins won't agree with you, you risk getting into an argument with them. It may fracture the House's unity."

"If they were in my position, I am convinced they would agree. And I am not saying I'll allow Meiya to return to the House." Not for now, at the least. "However, it is clear you are in need of a helping hand. And what better person than one of the Tsukuyomi?" Uncle closes his eyes, stroking his beard. For a moment he ponders in silence, I drink some more tea as I await his answer.

"Hmm… However, our fellows won't take this kindly. They will ask where you sent the one you choose. I am glad to hear you worry so about Meiya, but you should ponder this once more."

"If you say so, that I shall do. In any case, my orders are absolute. And I can keep this arrangement as a secret mission of sorts." In the same way I'll need to keep Shirogane's situation. I finish my tea, relaxing for a moment. "Well then… Before I leave, may I ask a troublesome favor out of you?"

Uncle's brows lower slowly, taking a moment to delve into my gaze. After folding the inquisitive stare, he nods. I take a second to inhale and fill my lungs, to relax the cicadas in my knees, to banish the snakes circling in my neck.

"Can you take me to her room?"

"…Are you sure of this? What if she wakes up?"

"It is past the 2200 hours, I doubt she'd awaken this late in the night."

"You do realize the damage it'd do to her to see you, even if only for a moment? How will I explain this to her? She's still too young to learn of her banishment."

"…Then, we only need to carefully survey her room. If she's sleeping soundly, would you allow me to see her?"

Uncle again stares at me, a silent barrage coming from within his eyes at me. Again, we remain in silence with only the tickling of a distant clock tainting the calm night.

"…Very well. However, I'll enter her room first. There's next to no light there, so you won't be able to see her well. Is that alright?" I nod.

"Shall we?" I stand up. Uncle Raiden sighs with a smile as bitter as the gash in my heart, then he guides me to a set of stairs in the farthest side of the house. Stairs that take one to the basement.

Descending the long set of stairs, at the end of it a steel door awaited us. A door resembling those found in prisons, robust and sturdy with a small rectangle at the top to see further into the room. Uncle unlocks it and opens the door, we walk into the large room with the serenity of a feline.

What first greets my view as the dim light was turned on was something that resembled a living room. A book shelf, a small table with four small chairs, a sofa, a fridge further in, lodged in a corner. A table with a Shogi board and pieces lined up and ready for a game, a few paintings on the wall, a music box… A rather well decorated room in extravagant blue as Uncle likes his decorations, as in the rest of the house.

"That door to the left is the way to her room." Uncle guides me, opening another of those bulky steel doors.

A long, dark hallway extends forward. Grey walls and floor, concrete without any paint out in the air, just a few dim, muffled lights on the ceiling shine our way. A smaller, normal door was at the end.

Uncle unlocks it and brings a finger to his lips. He carefully opens the door, as carefully as if he were practicing his calligraphy. A moment of loneliness assaults me as he entered Meiya's personal chamber.

After so long, after so many years… I'll see her features once more. I have no right to feel these cuts all over me, in my chest, my neck, my palms. It's as if I could feel a subtle pulse of electricity all through me. The daughter I banished is only a few meters forward…

Uncle comes out and signals me to enter. I gulp and exhale, a heaviness in my boots far more severe than the few times His Highness has called for me to a private meeting. I delay my entrance by a second, closing my eyes and recalling what she once was all those nights ago. One deep breath later, my feet trespassed the veil that my heart was still doubting to pierce.

I slowly step into the room, lighted only by the dim shine from the hallway. I couldn't make out my surroundings at first. The room was mostly empty. A smaller bookshelf, a wardrobe and a bed, and a small wooden table with a lamp near the it.

And within the darkened sheets… A figure slept peacefully.

Imitating the speed of falling snow, I approached her side. A small face rested one of its sides against a pillow, her hair loose and a bit messy.

I crouched, and with the hesitation I once had when I raised my blade to the BETA in my first simulation, feeling as if my fingers had been tied one to another, I eventually reached her hair. And stroking it softly, my lips betrayed my mind.

"…Meiya."

Nothing but a whisper. What if not my melting heart.

The small shape stirred softly in the bed, welcoming the kindness atop her head. So peaceful and serene, just like a calm night in new moon. Despite the low light in the room, I could somehow make out her features. She truly is similar to Yuuhi… However, something was different in her resting complexion. Yuuhi tends to sleep with a faint calmness. Meiya on the contrary was clutching her sheets close to her chest, as if she were afraid of the shadows that surrounded her.

Terrified of the solitude that awaits her every time she enters her own room, at the prospect that perhaps no one will open the steel door in the hallway. Terrified of being abandoned within the darkness.

…Why did I wish to see her? A blade hits my arms as I release her head.

If I had the power, what would I do for her? The blade now hits my abdomen.

Were it possible… Would I set her free? The edge pierces through, reaching my heart.

When a child needs it, a parent should be there. Shirogane didn't doubt, not even in front of me, the Head of a Regent House… If he is able to display such bravery, despite his heart being so gravely wounded… What it is that generates this fear in me? Why did I let some old prejudice tear me apart from my daughter?

I stand up, moving like a leaf on a stream away from Meiya, away from my daughter without knowing when it is that I'll see her again, away from that lonely shape and towards the door.

"Uncle, do you truly think it impossible to break this taboo?" I ask as he closed the door, locking Meiya away from me.

He says nothing, and so, we walk through the hallway.

"…You would need to perform a feat that is valued by the Shogun, a feat that gives the House a great benefit or honor." He said in the middle of the way. "Only through it your relatives will bow down to your wishes. That is our way of life, honor and standing is what makes you a Head, a leader. Should you desire more power, more influence… Then you must elevate the House to further heights."

"…Forgive the inquiry, it was most foolish of me." I reply, the stillness replaced by a new, slowly surging heat in my chest.

We leave the hallway and climb the stairs once more. Before I took my leave, however…

"Uncle, do take good care of Meiya."

"You don't need to tell me that, Takahisa. And don't worry about me, I don't need a retainer here. My attendants are enough."

"That might be so, but still, they're close to being admitted into the Guard. Furthermore… I believe it will do good to Meiya to get acquainted with our teachings."

"…Are you determined to release her from the taboo?"

"Yes, I am. Look after her until I gather enough feats to my name, Uncle. I swear to you now, Meiya will one day return to her rightful place. I will correct mine own mistake myself. Until then… I will keep counting on you."

"I see… I hope you are aware of the consequences that await you should your cousins reject her return."

"…No one will be able to speak of it. I do have an idea on how I can perform a feat no one has managed to claim."

"…And what is this feat, Takahisa?"

"Forcing the UN to recognize the might of the Imperial Army. If I bestow victory to them, if I bring glory to our nation through a successful international mission… Who would dare to speak against my wishes?"

"While that is true, am I sure you know what you would have to fight against. The missions the UN will ask of you as a Head… they won't be something to scoff at. You will be sent to the frontlines, probably as a Vanguard."

"I am no amateur, I already had a small tour thanks to those meddling Americans. Fear not, Uncle. Our endeavors will soon bear fruit. Believe in my words, for I am not one to lie."

"That I know well." He smiles again, faintly so. "I wish you good luck, Takahisa. Until we meet again." He bows slightly to me as I take step outside of the gate.

"Yes… Until next time, Uncle. Take care."

---

January 22nd. 05:07 PM.

(Hospital. Patient's Room.)

[Miho]

---

"Mom, are you really okay?" Takeru grabbed my hand tightly, his gaze darkened and shaky.

"Yes, don't worry. I only need some more time to rest." I stroke his head slowly, feeling his warmth.

I am so thankful to Haruna-san… If not for her, I don't know what would have been of you, Takeru. His lips twist, he lays his head on my arm.

"Then, when will you come back home?"

"…Mom has to be careful. I don't want to end up sick again. So, you be a good boy and behave well, yes?"

"Yes, I know."

We stay like that in silence for a moment, me petting his head, he hugging my arm. I slowly exhale, feeling the faintness of the tip of my fingers. For one last time… Let me feel his warmth, let me see Mom in his gaze.

"…Takeru, come on." I say and he looks up. "You have to go back home, don't you?"

"No, I'm staying with you until you get better." He pouts at me, Mom's stubbornness in his gaze.

"You can't do that." I ruffle his hair once more, going down to his cheek slowly. "You have to go to school and study. You promised me you'd do well in school, remember?"

"Uuh… But-"

"Now, now…" I place a finger on his lips, smiling. "Mom might have to stay in the hospital for a while longer… And I might need to go somewhere for some time." Foolish as it might be, I just can't bring myself to tell him I will die.

I'm sure he will understand once he grows, time will heal his heart. But I fear he will suffer much from this truth, that I will never be by his side again. He doesn't need to know now, there is no need to make this worse.

"Where? Where will you go?"

"You don't worry about it. Takeru, promise me you'll be good and that you'll study much, okay?" He nods, not letting go of my arm.

I know he isn't that smart, but still, I can't help but to hope he somehow manages to be spared from this awful war. Even more considering Kageyuki is in the Guard now, Takeru might end up enlisted in their ranks. I shudder to think what harsh conditions he'll have to face considering his attitude.

I hug him, bringing him close to me. If one wish could be granted to me, I would like for this moment to be eternal. The calmness of having him in my arms, I could nod off right now. Despite how cold I've been feeling as of late, despite how hard it gets to breathe sometimes, all of that is gone. As if a warm blanket was now covering me, as if I was suspended in between cotton.

"Promise Mom you'll stay smiling, okay Takeru?"

"Yes, I will. But when are you coming home?"

"…You don't worry about that. You study hard and do your best. You now have a lot of friends with you, right?" I keep ruffling his hair, taking a moment to look into his eyes again. "Keep being a good boy and getting along with them, yes? And no more fighting. Don't give Dad any more trouble while I'm gone."

"But the other boys are-"

"If you're bad, I will get really angry when I go back home." I fake a pout, pulling one of his cheeks softly. "So, be nice from now on even to those you don't like too much. The samurai don't like people that are mean, you know."

"So if I'm good you'll come back faster?"

"…Maybe. I'm sure things have been rough while I was gone, but you need to keep doing your best. Remember to be nice to your friends and Sumika, and always listen to what Dad says, okay?" He nods. "And what do you have to say when someone is nice to you?"

"…Thank you very much." He says, puffing his cheeks. It's the only thing I managed to teach him to make him be polite… Thankfully he hasn't forgotten it.

"Yes, that's right. So, remember to show thankfulness when you receive help, okay?" He nods and I pet his head.

"But can't I give hugs to the people I like when I'm thankful?" He asks, tilting his head.

"Hmm… You can, but only to those you really like." I never thought Kageyuki's words would make him start giving hugs so often. I only hope he realizes he doesn't have to do that all the time.

"Okay, I'll do that then."

"That's good to hear." I again bring him to me, hugging him as I ruffle his hair. "You keep being a good boy, Takeru."

"Takeru, it's time." Kageyuki entered the room again and got closer to the bed. "Mom has to go for another checkup."

"Eh? But…" He looked up at me, his hands tightening around me.

"Don't worry about me, Takeru. It's getting late, you have to go to school tomorrow, right? What did you promise me?"

"…I know." He slowly lets go, then he gets closer and gives me a kiss on my cheek. "Get better soon, Mom." I ruffle his hair one last time, and give him one last kiss on his forehead.

"Yes… Goodbye, Takeru."

"It's not 'Goodbye', it's 'See you later'." He narrowed his eyes at me, bitter as when I made him do his history homework.

"Yes, that's right…" I lick the inside of my lips, a tremor spreading on my chest and not because of my sickness. I know I shouldn't, but I do not want to tell him the truth. This must be how a flower feels as the last of it's petals is plucked away, it feels as if my body was pierced by many hooks. All of them pulling at me in different directions, I can barely keep my smile up when I returned his gaze. "See you later, Takeru." He smiles and gives me one last hug. Then, he released himself and went to Kageyuki's side, who directed Takeru towards a nurse.

After our son left the room, Kageyuki sat down near the bed. No longer having to lie, he grimaced and let his shoulders fall off like a rock slide.

"…Why do you not want to tell him, Miho?" His voice barely reached my ears, almost as if he were the one being hospitalized.

"Can you allow me one last selfish wish? I don't think it will do Takeru good to learn of death now of all times. Once he grows up, I'm sure he'll understand."

"He isn't a little kid anymore."

"But I don't want to have him hurting because of this. Takeru is too attached to me, and you have to stay in the Guard." His brows lowered, the space between them disappearing. "Just give him some time. I don't want him to be as sad as he was when I came back after I was in Yao's hospital for a few days. Can you do that for me, Kage?"

He takes some breaths, running a hand over his face. Shaking his head a bit, he rests his arms on his knees.

"If that's what you want, I'll do it. Though, I still think I should quit the Guard."

"The laws say you have to keep serving, so even if you somehow managed to find a job at Hakuryo Base you will end up being scorned as a traitor. No more of this, Kage. You have to-"

"Sorry… If only I had taken you to Yokohama sooner…" His gaze sinks, I hear a few muffled sobs coming from him.

"Kage… Kage, please…" I reach out to him and he gently grasps my hand, moving his chair closer. No longer hiding his tears, he brings my hand to his face and gives it soft kisses.

"Sorry… Sorry…"

"There's nothing to apologize for, Kageyuki. You always did all you could for me, even when I didn't have anything to properly repay you."

"Don't be stupid… I love you, and I don't regret anything I've done." His tone got a bit louder, muddled by the tears. "You and Takeru are my happiness, I wouldn't trade you two for anything in this world. I don't care if I could have been spared from the war of if I would have gotten rich if I stayed with my parents, I don't regret anything. Expect for not having a helper in the house, or moving to Hiiragi faster."

"Then don't apologize. Let us say goodbye with a smile on our faces, Kage."

"…I don't think I can do that, Miho."

I move a bit, enough to put my arms around his back. Letting his scent fill my nose again, planting a kiss on the side of his neck, I simply let time pass as I enjoy his closeness.

"Kage, the doctors said it will happen soon. I can feel it too, it's getting harder to breathe every day, the pain is becoming too much when it appears. There will be no miracle."

"I know… I know…" His hands grasp me tenderly, as if I were an injured pigeon. "But I'm scared. How will I take care of Takeru? How can I keep fighting with all I've got if you're not there for him?" His voice creaked like ice during the last days of winter, his hands trembling as he grabbed my back.

"…Can't you talk with your parents again?"

"You know it. Last time we talked they screamed at me as soon as I mentioned having them visit you in Osaka."

"I see… Can't you ask anyone to look after him?" That is the only regret I have left. If Kage is sent to fight and dies, Takeru will be left alone. And in this day and age… That means a life full of suffering every single day.

"I don't know. I can't bother Koetsu with all he's dealing with now, and I don't know if he'll be in a position to take care of a kid when I'm called to fight."

"Last time you said something about Koubuin-sama offering his help to you. What happened with that?"

"Oh, that." Kage breaks the embrace to face me, wiping his tears away, some staining his black suit. "Takahisa-sama again insisted that he would look after Takeru if I were to die, but frankly I doubt he's being serious."

"Is he someone that tends to lie often?"

"No, all the contrary. I just don't see why he would go so far. He only wants me in the squad for these trials, he's just trying to make me calm down."

"Kage, stop being so negative. Takeru sometimes gets like this too. Why can't you accept that he might value you much? Didn't you say he insisted on having you in his own squad of the Osaka Guards?"

"I mean, yeah… But I just… Considering how both Tsukuyomi brothers think, how much they value their honor, standing and image, I doubt they'll let him help Takeru. At least, I don't think they'll save him from the orphanage."

"Sigh… But they said they would help him, right?" I grab his face and force him to look at me, with those eyes now clouded and reddening.

"…Yes, that's what he said. That he'll extend a hand to him, that he'll make sure Takeru is safe in thanks for my services as his fellow."

"…Then, that's enough for me." I know Kage can be too dense, especially when he gets down. If a noble said that, they wouldn't be lying. Takeru will be safe… I sigh, lying down again. I feel as if I was just released from a heavy chain on my back, like when I bring a lot of bags from the super. The weight that was crushing me is gone, nothing but a gentle, relaxing breeze spreading on me.

"Are you okay, Miho?"

"Yes… I'm fine now. Don't worry, Kage."

"Sigh… So… You think it'll happen soon?"

"Yes, I can feel it. Kage, don't look so sad please." I raise a hand again, he leans onto the bed and lets me reach his face once more. "All these years… I've been very happy. Even if we were apart most of the time, I am truly grateful for all you've given me. So, please be strong. You still have your job and someone will take care of Takeru."

"It's not going to be the same and you know it." He grasped my hand again, his lips shaking.

I slowly rise and hug him again, feeling his breathing by my ear.

"One of these days, I will leave. Remember when you had to leave for the Training Program and I had to stay behind? You told me everything was going to be fine so long as I remained strong." I can hear his muted sobs as his grip on me tightens slowly. "This time, you'll be the one that has to remain behind. You'll be the one looking after our Takeru, so you have to do my share too."

"…I will. I swear I'll be there for him when he needs me, even if I have to leave my post in a hurry."

"Hehe, you'll get in trouble for that. You and Takeru really can't follow the rules."

"Hahaha… It can't be helped I guess." His laughter mixed with hiccups, he rubbed the back of my head.

"…All I ask is for you to keep your promise. Be careful out there, my love."

"Yeah… I'll do my best to return alive." He breaks the embrace, grabbing my chin. He gives me a soft peck, which turns into a slow, warm kiss. "…You have no idea how much I'll miss you, do you?"

"As much as I've missed you when you were away." I give him another peck, this time on his cheek. "Thanks Kage, for looking at me, for choosing me when I had almost nothing to my name, for always coming back home."

"…No, thank you. Thank you for seeing more than just the son of a wealthy family in me. And for teaching me what a real family was like, Miho." Again, we share a warm kiss as we indulge in one last hug, running our hands on the other's back.

We delayed our separation, we stalled fate for but a fleeting moment. However, every pigeon has to fly away before winter comes. And like how the sun always has to leave, our embrace came to an end.

I wiped his tears, he leaned on my hand. I caressed his cheek, he played with my hair.

"Takeru is waiting."

"I know that." He said. Leaning forward, he gave me a final peck on my lips. Running his hand through my hair as he did, then to my cheek, and finally grasping my chin on his hand. His eyes locked onto mine, they wavered for a second.

When I noticed he wasn't able to move away, I clasped both sides of his face and, with an effort too painful for my heart, I pulled his face away from mine. I smiled at him, and gave him a soft hug. Then, in a small whisper, leaning on his body to speak to his ear, and to hide my tears from him, I said what would end our time together.

"Goodbye, Kageyuki. Thank you darling, for everything."

Unable to say his goodbyes, Kageyuki cried on my shoulder for a minute until he could regain some composure to leave. Between sobs, apologies, and tender words he managed to say it just once. And so, after kissing my hand one last time, he took his leave.

You'll be fine, Kage. You really are stronger than you think. Not all men can be so open about their feelings after all. And knowing Takeru will be in good hands even if something happens to you…

…Means that I can now finally stop worrying. I can leave to Mom's side without fear.

---

January 28th, 06:22 PM.

(Hiiragi. Graveyard.)

[Native Takeru]

---

The sun is already going down and it's really, really cold. Dad took me to this place, there are people bringing flowers to these rocks… This is all so weird. But there's something that's even more weird.

"Why does this rock has Mom's name written on it, Dad?" I pulled at his hand, he was looking up so I couldn't see his face.

"You see Takeru…" I could see a tear running down now. Why is he sad? "Mom went on a voyage."

"Huh?"

"She was really sick, you see." His voice sounded like when I got a radio close to the TV once. "So, the doctors said it would be for the best to take her somewhere warm and nice so that she can heal faster."

"But… But why couldn't she wait until summer? Is she coming back soon?"

"Yeah, once she's completely cured she'll come back. It's bad for her to end up in the hospital so often after all."

"But… Why didn't she say anything?" It feels as if something was poking my chest right now. Like when those mean boys at Yao threw small pebbles at me once.

"Well, the boat was going to leave soon."

"…Can we call her then?"

"No, she's… We should let her spend her time alone." Dad rubbed his eyes and crouched by my side. "So, we have to wait for her patiently, okay?"

"Okay… But where did she go? Did she go with Grandma?"

"Grandma?"

"Yes, Mom said Grandma went on a voyage once, but then she always said she was too far away for our calls to reach her." Dad's lips move weirdly as he pats my head.

"Yes… Yes, that's right. Mom went with Grandma, so you don't worry about it. Let's wait together until she comes back." He then grabbed me and hugged me really, really tight.

"Dad… Mom didn't leave forever, right?"

"…Of course not, Takeru."

"Then, why are you crying? Why did she leave so soon without telling us?" His hand ruffles my hair, slowly caressing my head.

"Well, she's going to be away for a long while… Even if she left now, everything is going to be alright." He rubbed the back of my head, giving me a kiss on my forehead. "So, you be a good boy until she comes back."

"Then… Where will I stay? Are you coming home with me?" His eyes grow smaller.

"…I have to go back to the samurai, sadly. I will be busy with work for a while, but I'll try to come back more often from now on. Haruna-san will be looking after you for a while, so please be patient and don't give her trouble."

"…Really? You'll really come visit more often?" I grab his black dress, he rubs my cheek as he smiles.

"Yes, I'll try to be home more often. Dad will have to hire someone to look after the house while me and Mom are gone, so you're going to have to be nice to this person."

"Hiring?"

"Yeah, someone will have to clean and do stuff in the house. You know, it would get dirty otherwise."

"I see… Is that someone going to stay home?" His eyes grow smaller again, his lips pluck in a weird way for a second.

"I think." He hugs me again as he lifts me off the ground. "Please be patient with Dad, Takeru. I'll do my best to take care of the house." He sounds really sad now.

That's weird. Dad is never sad. He sounds like Mom when Grandma went on a voyage. Mom… Mom didn't leave us. So, why is Dad so sad?

"Yes, I'll be good."

"That's my boy." Dad smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek, then he lowered me to the ground again. "Let's go home, Takeru." Softly pulling my hand along, we left the weird place.

These days I've been staying in a room in Sumika's house, with Haruna-san saying I could stay there until Mom came back.

But now that Mom is on a trip… When will I go back home? Will Dad someday stay with me? Who is this person he'll hire to take care of the house? When will Mom come back?

As we made our way back home, I hugged my sides. I don't like this. Something feels weird… Mom was weird the last time we went to the hospital and Dad was as sad as he's been today. Mom would have told me she was leaving on a trip, she wouldn't have left without telling me. Something is really weird here.

Mom… didn't leave forever, right?

I shivered a little when I thought about that, it felt as if someone gave me a hug after touching snow.

---

February 5th, 08:16 PM.

(VIP Room. Hotel. Kyoto.)

[Kurechika]

---

The small room was dimly lit by a small set of lamps, the small circular table between our sofas adorned by one such lamp atop a small white and olive green mat. The walls of the hotel room were just like the ones one could see on those five-star hotels that sometimes appear on the American channels, nothing like our traditional inns.

"Trust me on this one, Sakaki. If you lend me your support, we can make big things happen in this country. You come with me, and I bet we can get you a nice position during next elections. With your skills, you might end up as the Prime Minister on the near future." Hoshimori, an old politician wearing a black suit and matching trousers spoke as we finished our coffee.

"It is a most tempting offer." I tap my glasses, resting my cup on the table. "However, what makes you think we have any chance to turn this wheel around? You must know more than I do, and I doubt things are looking pretty from high above. There's also the matter of our adversaries. I am sure you must have heard of Hikami's raising popularity." I entwine my fingers, feeling the coldness of my ring as I do.

Ever since Lyon fell, the war took a turn for the worse. It looks like Africa might fall next if things keep going like this. Saionji-sama also completely overhauled the Fundamental Law of Education last year as the situation in the Eurofront worsened, preparing to further bolster our army with new recruits.

And to make matters even worse, the UN is split between the demands of improving the living conditions of refugees or cutting off certain areas to form better defense lines. I've heard Britain is pressuring the UN to allow the BrArg Army to get deployed to the Arabian Front, and considering that I've heard they wish to use some experimental weapons to boot… The war is soon to turn ugly, rearing its head at all of us.

And on the inside, our skirmishes are not easy either. Between those who wish the old entitlements to be restored, those who desire the Empire to free itself from the shackles of America to stand by its side as a partner and not under it as a servant, and those who voice their opposition to that, saying it is for the best for us to remain under their protection, that we should instead further develop our relations with them in all areas, our people have been growing more and more distant.

The common folk seems to look at the nobility with distrust, and they do little to placate those prejudices. The Royal Guard may be the last remnant of our glory of old, they have to act resolute and unwavering to light the fire in every Japanese soul, but sadly, not all nobles follow the same principles. And some people are not pleased with their privileges, many are the ones that have spoken against them in recent years. Some have gone as far as raise their voices at the limos, demanding them to do more for the Empire.

"Hoshimori, I truly don't know what can the Empire do in such a situation. The US has been rolling out new machines and advancements with great speed, and even the Soviets have managed to develop many domestic TSFs, tanks, and… other especial technologies of their own."

We both take a pause to drink, since there is the possibility that there are mics on this room. Regardless of anyone's opinions, the psychic dolls are, without a shred of doubt, the most impressive piece of weaponry developed by the Soviets, despite the… controversies that come with them. Resting my cup atop a cloth, again tapping my glasses, I look at the paintings of our own nation on the walls, some resembling what one could buy at a gallery as opposed to a renowned piece befitting of the room we are currently in.

"Us, on the other hand, only have the Zuikaku to our name, and a few contributions to decade old projects. Our army is made up mostly by F-4 models and already aging tanks and support vehicles, and the replacements are being delayed time and again." While in some aspects there are new models already adopted, they are not yet enough to properly replace all of our units, and the new tanks were delayed for next year, yet again. "We wouldn't be able to make a difference on the war as things stand now. Many are the ones that are beginning to think that we should desist on these endeavors of trying to make our industries thrive on their own, instead seeking aid from America. What do you have in mind to change this situation?" He leans back on his sofa, looking at the ceiling.

"There is much in need of change, I won't deny it, and as far as I know Saionji-sama thinks the same. It seems he found a key to reach his goals, despite losing more and more power every day."

"And how do we play into that? The unrest has been growing for some time, the common folk don't see the BETA as a threat for now. To many of our fellows they're a far away problem of the Europeans. I've heard quite a few that believe that they're nothing more than an American ploy to keep intruding on our sovereignty." His eyes narrow briefly before moving his shoulders up and down a few times.

"Well, we know it's not like that, and it is our responsibility to ensure the worst case scenario doesn't come to pass. What we require as of now is a way to get the UN on our side. Regrettably, Saionji-sama's plan to revitalize our army didn't follow through with the expected dates of deployment, so we will be importing some F-15 from America to buy us some time, as well as other armaments." I suppose more MLRS and Apaches along the maintenance gear, since our industries didn't quite manage to develop affordable alternatives to those. "His Highness negotiated for a truce to the hostilities in exchange for a few favors. The Americans don't want to ruin their relations with us, as much as they dislike our prideful way of doing things." He then laughs quietly as while standing up to pour himself some more coffee.

"Some favors?" For Saionji-sama of all people to have resorted to the Americans… What kind of deals have been sealed?

It's true most people now see most foreigners, not just the Americans, quite negatively after all the reforms His Highness did to aid the people and were met with a wild competition by the American companies that do business here. The involvement of the Royal Guard on keeping the peace in many areas has cleared the image some people had of them, but the schism is there.

And Hikami has voiced his opinion a few times, enough that many are starting to openly agree with him and use the same words in their speeches. While the man does wish the Empire to stand proud by itself, Hikami does believe we should we should try to sign varied projects with the American companies as opposed to continue to struggle to procure an all-domestic defense force. All to get insight on their technology, to then have our industries be able to deliver better developments in the future. This was his approach to convince the right people in the IJA to import another TSF despite the opposition once the TSF-X Project was again delayed.

I also agree with the motion, nothing good will come out of isolating ourselves. However, how can we convince our people that making peace with the foreigners does not equal surrendering our resources to them?

Hoshimori clears his throat after drinking some coffee, and then looks straight at me.

"The Americans asked the Empire to lend a hand to the UN in their efforts to maintain the Far East Frontline. Plans to send a Task Force are being made as we speak. However, the Shogun hasn't surrendered himself to them. We have one ace up our sleeve to turn this around." He smirked, the glint of all the eyes of Orochi rekindled in his eyes.

"And what would that be? All of our current plans seem to lead to a dead end. Europe is in tatters, Africa is doing all it can to stop the BETA, and I believe nobody wants to let the South Americans enter a battlefield ever again now that the rumors of them wanting to deploy some Top Secret weapon have been going around for some time. Our relations with Australia and the Oceania block aren't what I'd call pleasant, and there are a few countries in the COSEAN block that still hold their fair reservations towards our nation. Also, we're technically still at war with the Soviets. So, how do we strengthen our position? And, what can we do to help our nation?" His lips curve upwards, looking like he had a Royal Flush and I had decided not to fold.

"It's true that Plans A and B have ran into many obstacles, but we have a fourth plan at the ready."

"A fourth plan?" Whatever happened to the third one, then?

"Sakaki, allow me to tell you something that Saionji-sama always says. The world isn't painted in black and white. Even if at times it might look like you're at a crossroad between two choices, you have to look further than what lies beyond your eyes. There is always an alternative road available to you."

The word wasn't lost on me. Fourth… Alternative… Is the Empire going to bid for the hosting of the next plan?!

"And do we… have some groundwork done?"

"Yes, we do. It's still rough, but we're working hard day and night to make a firm proposition. But we are running into a roadblock as of now. A certain nation also wishes to make its vision into the fourth plan." His squinted eyes as he looked at the decorative flags that were hanged on the wall were full of venom.

The flag of the US, that was what he was looking at. We're going into a diplomatic war with the US for the right to host the next Alternative Plan… Of course, Saionji-sama wouldn't let this chance pass him by, if we manage to convince the UN of this and we succeeded, we'll turn this situation upside down. The recognition, the funds, the support we would gain… This is the turning point we as a nation have been waiting for.

"But the fact that you're calling out to me means that things aren't going so smoothly, right?" He nods slowly.

"Indeed. I'm aiming going to run in this year's elections, I want to become the next Prime Minister. And when I make it there, I will need support. You have many allies, a good image, and are neither too young nor too old. I believe you would make a fine addition to my team. I know our goals coincide in this matter, so that's what I wanted to tell you today."

"I see. But… What are our chances against them? Can we… Do we stand a chance to win the bid?" I entwine my fingers and look at the flag once more. The US would be our biggest ally, regardless of our complex relation. Going against them would leave us in absolute isolation.

"Their plan is… controversial, to say the least."

"…More than the Soviet one?"

Hoshimori nods as he folds his arms, leaning forward. I do the same, and then he continues in a hushed tone.

"Europe won't go along with it, the Middle East and the rest of the Asian nations also won't. The Soviets are against it, for obvious reasons. That's where we come in. We can appeal to the European nations, and try to make a truce with both Canada and Australia, who also seem to wish to place a bid. If we sell ourselves as what stands between them and the American plan, they might consider backing off. The lobbying of America has been going strong for some time now, if any other nation goes against the US for the bid… Chances are there will be… certain inconsiderate actions towards them."

Certain… Inconsiderate… Actions, huh? He stops to drink some more coffee, leaning back into the sofa.

"So, if we manage to… dissuade a sector of the Americans into lending us their support, we have a good shot at this." Smiling once more, he looks at me. "And if the US ever wishes to back-stab us all we have to do is deliver results. America won't be able to act against us if the rest of the nations are backing us within the UN."

"It sounds like we have a… solid foundation done. I have heard nothing of this, though." A rumor of this importance would have been kept shut behind a thousand doors, but this sounds as if we were almost ready to place the bid.

"We have a solid groundwork done, indeed. I want you to know that we aren't making castles on the clouds, we have hard data that needs just a bit of polishing to convince the UN's Security Council. But I have overstayed my welcome here. I know this is a sudden proposition, but I want to make this clear. I want you in my cabinet, Sakaki. I know that… you are also a parent, but I do think you would make a fine candidate in the future to replace me. I'll say it again, I want you to be my dolphin, Sakaki. I shall be awaiting your answer."

He raises from his sofa and, after sharing a handshake, I open the door and he leaves.

I return to my seat, crashing down onto it as I run a hand over my forehead, letting out a long sigh. The next Alternative Plan… with us as its host. This is a one in a lifetime chance, but… am I up to skill? Hoshimori did seem confident in me, and of course I know many people that would be delighted to lend us their support and funds for the campaign. And yet… That would mean us leaving Hiiragi. No, I would be the one leaving. Sigh…

The sound of footsteps brings my gaze upwards. Saeko was standing on the hallway that lead to our room, leaning on the wall. Wearing her night attire with her long brown hair tied up, she took some steps towards me.

"Kurechika, what was that last talk about?"

"Nothing, dear. Just sharing some pleasantries as a way to show friendliness." She crosses her arms and moves to sit in the sofa that was in front of me.

"You promised me you would remain as a member of the Congress, that you wouldn't go any higher."

"I know, and this isn't about that."

"Then, what is this about?" She throws an accusing glare at me as her lips tremble a bit.

Of course, I can't tell her of the Alternative Plan. But then, how do I explain it to her? An arrow pierces my chest as I try to find an answer, and am forced to look away from her eyes.

I promised I'd be more present in the house, that I would put our family before my political career. But now duty is calling for me, Hoshimori needs my help in the Diet. We need to become the host of Alt. IV at all costs, and yet… Am I willing to sacrifice my family to this goal?

No, if we don't make it a reality, we will have a very dark future indeed. What am I compared to our whole population? If my sacrifice serves to water this seed of hope, then I am willing to follow through.

So then… Why are my hands shaking? Why do I feel a shiver on my back? Why can't I look at her eyes?

"Kurechika… If you… If you go back on your word, I will ask for the divorce." My throat tightens at her words as my gaze digs itself into the floor. "You said we'd make this work, you told me you would help me so that I could keep working. I can't be the only one trying to make this boat sail."

I gulp and run a hand over my hair. I can't tell her no matter what, so I don't really have a justification if I decide to accompany Hoshimori besides platitudes. Seeing I was keeping quiet, she let out a long, heavy sigh. Shaking her head, she locked her eyes onto mine.

"So, give me a clear answer. Are you going to commit to our relationship? Or, does this end here?" The blades on her words made a gash on my ears and an even bigger one on my heart.

"Look, Saeko. This isn't… This time it's different. The scene has changed and we must react accordingly. I am only pledging my support to what I believe is our most tangible solution to our current dilemmas." Her frown turns into a scowl as she now clearly bites her lower lips.

"Do you think you can dissuade me with pretty words? Are you going to run for the Parliament or the Diet? Yes or no?"

"I… I don't know yet."

"Don't lie to me!" She hit the table, letting me see her gritting teeth. "I'm always alone back home, you always come back late into the night. All I asked of you was one day, for you to stay home with us one day."

"Saeko, please. I've been doing what I can to support our relation."

"Oh, really? Where were you during Chizuru's last birthday?"

"The session extended for over ten hours, I couldn't-"

"And where were you from then on? You don't even ask me how I'm doing as of late. It's as if you didn't even care anymore about us." She narrowed her eyes at me, her tone littered to the brim with gasoline. She was holding a match in her hand, ready to explode at me any second.

"I always come back as tired as you do. And I bring dinner home half the time."

"You think that is enough? You haven't kissed me in months, you don't spend time with Chizuru at all, you barely even talk with me. And now this… What's next? You're going to brag about coming home once a month?"

"Sigh… What? You need to vent this at me now? You knew we were coming for a meeting, I told you I would discuss important matters with my fellows."

"I've been saying this for months, MONTHS now, Kurechika! Looks like someone isn't even paying attention at his wife's words." She runs a hand over her forehead. "If you won't start doing meaningful things for our relationship, then have the balls to tell me it's over!" Her words pike at my heart. Feeling a vile taste fill my mouth, I cross my arms and furrow my brows at her.

"I have been doing many things for us! I cut my meetings short, I lost many opportunities to scale the inner ranks and forge many connections. I come home after nine, when the sessions don't extend past midnight that is, I am as tired as you are. Why can't you see all I'm doing for you two?" Some of my words tainted by Chin poison, I glare at her.

"Oh, so now I'M the one who doesn't see your good deeds? It's my fault now that things are the way they are?" Her scowl grew larger, Mezuki incarnate in her gaze.

"No! God… Why are you being like this? I stay home during the weekends, don't I?"

"Sleeping! You barely help with the chores, you barely spend time with Chizuru, you're always on the phone, and we always have to eat what YOU like!"

"Again with this? I told you I don't like tonkotsu sauce."

"Well, you could try it once. Like I've tried everything you wanted me to. But no, it's always the same with you." Sighing heavily, licking my lips slowly, I grab my cup and finish the cold coffee in it, that seemed to be boiling compared to her glare. "So, what comes next? You're running for the Diet? Is that it?"

"…I was offered that, yes, it's true. And things are different, this time I have to think it over."

"Think it over? So you were planning on accepting…"

"I… No, I was… You're being unfair, Saeko." Fully endowing the poison, my heart maimed by her distrustful gaze, I squint my eyes further.

"Oh, I'm the unfair one now?" She folded her arms, the sting of a hundred snakes filling her words.

"I pay the taxes, I pay the rent, I pay Chizuru's school. I sacrificed many chances to escalate further in my career until now for you two. Yes, I am not a perfect father. But I do what I can."

"You know that's not true. You could spend some more time with us, you could talk with us more, but all you do is worry about your job. I need my husband with me, your daughter needs her father!"

"And what do you want me to do? I… I can't just not work. My job is as important as you two. Now more than ever, you should already know how this is!" I narrow my eyes at her, she does the same.

"And I'm telling you, I'm tired of this!" Every word slashing at me like the Murasame, cutting my heart wide open with ease. "If you won't try to make this work, just say you don't care about us anymore!"

"How can you say I don't care after all I've done?!"

"You're absent most of the time, and when you're home you barely talk as of late. You do nothing for our relationship. Nothing, Kurechika!"

"I pay for almost everything, I gave you the house you live in now. I supported you how I could, why do you have to be like this when it's about my job?"

"So now I'm the one who isn't supportive, huh?" Again, her scowl grew larger. The monster spawned in her complexion resembled none of those found in our folk tales. A darker, sharper beast with narrowed, watering eyes and gritted fangs. "All I wanted was to have you with us, and even that seems to be too much for you."

"You knew who you were marrying. Don't you dare feign ignorance. You always knew I was a politician, you knew what kind of path I was on."

"And you promised me you'd be there for me. And look at you now, running for the Diet!" Screaming like a banshee, she pointed a finger at me.

"I have been trying!" I hit the table, returning the scowl. "And I told you, the situation has changed. That's why I have to think this through. Be an adult, Saeko. Screaming over nothing but a doubt… God, how immature can you be." I know you're on your mid twenties, but please… At your age I was already living by myself, working in the town council.

I get up and go pour myself some more coffee. I work day and night, I do all I can to be at home for dinner, I reserve my weekends to be there at home so you can rest… And this is what I get? Is this how you repay me after all these years?

"…I am the immature one?" Her voice low, nothing but a barely audible whisper. Her hands extended limply to her sides, fists coiled tightly. Her face, however, remained unchanged, scowl and fangs sharpened further. "How can you say that… How can you say that when you're the one who's never around. You're the one who's constantly shirking his own responsibilities as a father and as a husband!"

"I work all day for my daughter! And for you too!"

"Well, being a parent is more than bringing money to the table. You're completely useless when it comes to everything else!"

Useless… I am not… I am not useless. My fists begin to shake, my brows lower and curve, revealing a hidden Gozuki in my face. I am not inept, I am not useless… How dare you… How dare you spout such insults at me after all I've done for you.

"I am not useless." I take some steps towards her, she holds my gaze unmoving. "I have done all I could, I literally can't cut any more time from my work."

"Oh, sorry mister politician. It looks like nobody told you your wife needs your help to raise our daughter! You never help in anything regarding Chizuru, and I can't do everything by myself while I work every weekday. You don't even realize that isn't enough, that's why you're a useless father, Kurechika!"

Shut up… Don't you dare… to call me like that…

"…Well, maybe you would have been able to keep working normally if you hadn't got me drunk that night!"

"What? Are you blaming me for this now?!"

"As if what happened was my fault! You got both of us drunk, that's why I didn't wear protection."

"We were dating for three months and it was my birthday! And you were the one who pushed me into the couch!"

"You invited me over to your apartment, you got undressed as we drank vodka, and you didn't resist when I started caressing you! Don't play victim with me now after all this time, you weren't a little girl anymore!"

"Victim? I'm not playing victim! I'm asking you to do your share as a father, since you're so inept at it. Why did you even form a family with me if you don't want to do your part?!"

"Because maybe I wasn't planning on forming a family with you in the first place!"

"…Eh?" Saeko's face lost color, her stride halted she left her mouth agape.

"Don't give me that face. We were only starting out our relationship, we hadn't seen whether we could live together back then. I did like your hard to approach persona, but we didn't have time to see whether it was real love or not between us. That's why this doesn't work, because we've been winging it this whole time. Neither of us wanted to have Chizuru at that time, you know it." I drink my coffee and sit down back in my sofa. I run a hand on my face, biting my lips. Unable to stop, I spit out one last drop of venom out of me."…And there's no more love between us after all this time, it seems."

There, I said it. Come on, scream at me again. It's always the same as of late. All you do is bitch at me regardless of what I do. When I'm home, because I don't talk much. When I'm not, because I'm absent. When I try to talk, you're tired. When I'm tired, you complain I ignore you two. I'm tired of this stagnant air that fills my house…

Where is that strong, resolute woman I admired so much? The one who used to face me unflinching, that understood my burdens? Crumbled to dust, its remnants scattered by the wind.

This is the price we pay for being foolish, for being careless. Sigh… There should have been no reason to get to this point if we had been responsible adults.

"…I do love you."

"Huh?"

Saeko's eye lost all edge and glow, the eternal night of yore mired her complexion now. Hanging her head and holding one of her elbows tightly, all draconian bravery was gone from her voice, nothing but the wails of a small, wounded imp were left in her words.

"…I know you're always busy. I always liked that serious side of you. How you could seize someone with just a gaze, how you could always know how to deal with large groups."

"What is this abou-"

"I do love you, Kurechika. But I can't go on like this anymore." Tears bursted out of her eyes as she held herself tightly. Shivering in place, she sat down again, as slowly as the last leaf falling off a branch. Words fused with sobs, cheeks tarnished by tears, and marked rivers in her complexion. "I know how important your work is, that's why I don't interrupt your calls, that's why I don't bother you at home when you come home late. I know you're working hard everyday, and I am truly thankful for what you do. But I just can't do this anymore."

She sobbed in place, I could no nothing but stare. I have never seen Saeko cry. No words could describe the piercing pain in my chest, I feel as if my tongue was retreating into my throat, as if I would gulp it down if I lost my focus. I winced at her words, yet I couldn't look away.

"They keep cutting our budget, they keep making us work more and more… I'm exhausted. Last month the army kicked us out of Hakuryo High School because they were going to make a base there. I tried to shield some of our students as they forced us to leave and I got a bruise on my arm… Hic… You didn't even ask me how I got it when you came home that day…" One hand grasps her face, the other rests atop her chest, trying pointlessly to calm its oscillation.

"You had a bruise? I didn't… I didn't notice…"

"Hic… I always loved you, Kurechika. I wouldn't have let you into my house if you were just a pastime to me. But I can't do this anymore…"

Now, holding her sides, she looks up at me. No sign of the monster from before, a wounded animal trying to reach a source of water amidst a barren wasteland, that's what she looked like.

"People at school keep telling us to change the curriculum, we're being paid next to nothing while having to work twice as much. I have to get out in a rush to go pick up Chizuru, do all the chores by myself, and when you come home you don't even greet me, you don't even talk… I need you, Kurechika. I need my husband by my side. I can't endure all this by myself…"

She hunched over, hitting the table with her forehead softly, burying her head in between her arms.

"I'm tired of holding out for something, anything. If you simply don't care… Hic… Stop giving me hope that someday you'll start caring. Just be honest with me, Kurechika. Because I… I can't take this… U-Uuuhh…" And then she started crying without any semblance of restrain.

…A whole armory was thrown at my heart. No longer looking for water, Saeko cried in agony. The desolate cries, similar to those of an infant pleading for the mother to arrive. In her case… She was pleading me to notice how she was suffering. A deep crack in a wall being treated with a trebuchet, that was what just happened here. Me being the trebuchet, of course.

I never noticed anything. All I did was focus on my job, on the agreement we had established so long ago.

Saeko was strong, she doesn't need me lending an ear to her worries. She's always so confident, she never asked for advice during our first years together. That's why… I assumed she could take anything, just like how I can take stuff in silence.

She's there, she isn't saying anything so she should be fine.

She always takes care of the chores, she doesn't need help with that.

I don't know anything about teaching and she doesn't like politics, so there's no point in talking of our jobs.

So I never asked how her day was. Since she always took care of her own problems in stride I assumed she was fine, or at least not bothered by it.

…And I screamed at her when she was trying to tell me she needed me by her side, not only physically but in mind as well. She wanted my heart and gaze on her and Chizuru… And I… I…

I stand up, slowly moving towards the door.

"Kurechika?" I don't stop at her call. "Kurechika, where are you going?"

I don't mind her words and slowly go to the door. I need to get some air, I need to clear my head. God… What have I done?

I feel a tug, almost hesitant, on my arm.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry for screaming at you…"

"You don't have to apologize, Saeko. I'm just going to get some air."

"Please!" She hugs me from behind, clawing at my chest. "I'm sorry… I… I'm just tired. Please don't leave me… I wasn't being serious."

"You and I both know you were." And I can't blame you. I deserved every single word you hurled at me, and then some more. You went easy on me, I know you can be more poisonous when you so wish. And you had all the reasons to do so.

"No, I wasn't." I feel something wet on my back, Saeko was still crying. "I won't complain anymore… So please don't leave us." Raindrops filled her words, raining over wetness. What she was holding on released itself as her grip on me tightened. "I can't take care of Chizuru if you leave me… She needs you, Kurechika. I need you… I'm sorry… Hic… I'll keep taking care of the house, I won't complain anymore, I swear." Every word is another knife into my chest. Now I'm the one on the receiving end of the trebuchet. I made Saeko hurt like this, so I shouldn't complain.

But… It's clear she doesn't deserve this. Saeko did nothing to be apologizing to me in this way. I should let her rest and we can talk this out tomorrow before going back home. This is clear as day, this… this relationship is over. Saeko doesn't deserve this.

"I'm going to get some air, Saeko. Let me go."

"…I'm sorry, Kurechika. Please don't leave us… I…" I release myself slowly from her grasp, I hear her hiccups increase.

I grab the doorknob and open the door. Again her hand reaches my arm.

"I love you, I really didn't mean to scream at you. I know…" Her voice trailed off, turning into a distant echo, a fissure dwelling in every word she uttered between sobs. "I know I might not be enough for you, I know I may not have been who you wanted to marry but… Chizuru needs us, both of us. Kurechika, let's… Let's talk this out once more, please?"

"I'll be back in a while." I move away and she doesn't try to stop me. As I close the door, I hear her crying once more.

Dragging my feet and gaze, I make my way to the mini bar. I can't believe it… This time I deserve the word in full force. I am useless. No matter how much I apologize, it won't change what I did, what I said, or how I've been feeling. And considering what's at stake… It might be for the best to end this here.

I took my time, slowly gazing out the window, looking at the Capital from the height of the floor. If I accept Hoshimori's offer, I would have to start living here. Forcing Saeko to either live alone in Hiiragi or quit her job to come to Kyoto… Biting my lips, no good outcome comes to mind were I to ask that of her.

…

I guess… this relationship truly is… over.

As I reach the place, I found someone there besides the bartender. A Royal Guard, one in a black dress with trimmed dark hair, was sitting drinking something.

"Oh…" The man noticed I was staring. "I thought I would be the only one drinking alone at this hour." He smiles wryly. A fellow commoner, huh.

"Forgive me, I was just in need of some air. Bartender, a beer please."

The man opened a can and served me a glass. I drank it slowly, feeling the coldness down my throat.

"Must have been a long day for all of you, huh." The bartender said as he chuckled.

"Yes, the negotiations… were very tiring." Not as much as what just happened to me.

"I didn't have much to do, just watching over the building." The Guard said. He looks worn down, however. His speech is… peculiar for a Royal Guard.

The man in question finished his drink, sighing heavily. His gaze lost in the infinite loop of the cup's rim, cheer shining in his eyes due to its absence, the Guard's features reflected emotions of anguish as he grimaced slightly, eyes and mouth growing smaller every passing second.

"Did the negotiations not go well for your side, my fellow?" I ask the man, trying to clear my head.

"Huh? Oh, no. I think that went well in the end. What troubles me is… a more personal matter." Unlike the other Guards this man feels… common. Normal. I don't feel that pride, that arrogance some members of the Guard display at all times.

"Love problems?" The bartender asks, the Guard nods. It's as if the night was adamant in not allowing me to run away today.

"I am not the best person to deliver love advice, sadly." I say as I chuckle bitterly, drinking some more beer to clean the taste in my mouth that refused to leave.

"Haha… Love advice is not what I need."

"…Did you already break up?" I couldn't contain my lips. I thought I had seen some resemblance of me in the man, but the way in which his eyes closed, as tightly as a lock in a bank, proved me wrong.

"No… My wife died a few days ago."

"…Sorry, that was insensitive of me."

"No, it's alright. We could say our goodbyes, so it's not like I had anything bottled up…" He gestures for another drink. The bartender serves him what he was drinking and he goes for another sip. "If that's all there was to it, this wouldn't hurt so much."

Seeing the man hold the cup rather strongly as he kept drinking, the bartender leaned on the table.

"What troubles you, my fellow? Was something left unsaid?"

"No, it's…" The Guard sighs, shaking his head a little. "My son was left alone. I can't be with him due to my position in the Guard."

"Do you not have anyone to leave him with?" I ask, to which the man nods.

"Thankfully I do, but that's not the problem. He needs me by his side, and yet here I am. What a useless father I am."

"…I don't think you deserve such a strong word. You are worrying about him, after all." Unlike me, who didn't even think of Chizuru these last few days. So long as she's in good health and scoring good grades… I never truly cared to get closer to her.

"Still…" We both finish our drinks, the man looks up lost in thought. "Back when I joined the Guard, I thought I was ready to die. I thought I could face anything the world threw at me for my family." The passion was apparent in his words and in the way he clenched his free hand. "But I never expected something like this to happen."

I see… If he dies now, his son might end up in an orphanage. Luckily, women are not going to be conscripted into the IJA, or so it seems for now. Even so, I can buy Saeko and Chizuru an exemption draft with some effort. They will never be dragged into that side of the war.

"If I'm not by his side, how will he be at ease after all this?"

"Even if you're not there, you can talk with him if he's not too young." I say, tapping my glasses. "A parent has to do what he has to for his child, doesn't he?"

"Yes, I agree. However… My absence will hurt him more than anything else." The man's words piked at my heart. "The feeling of being left behind will leave a scar in him that no time will ever heal. He needs me there, and I am here."

Being… left behind? Ending up abandoned, ignored by those you love when you're in pain… Saeko, is this how you felt all this time?

"You can ask for some leave time, right?" The bartender asked.

"I already have, these months will be full of activity so I can't take any time off."

Yes, the testing against the Kagerou are soon to come. Such a saddening state of affairs… He seems to truly value his child, yet he cannot be with him. I, on the other hand, have neglected my daughter while having the chance to spend my time with her. And now… it might be too late for me.

"I won't be able to face Miho if anything happens to him while I'm not there."

"I believe you shouldn't punish yourself needlessly." I say, leaning my arms onto the table. "You do what you can, that's… how it is sometimes."

"That might be so, but it isn't enough. If his future is crying, it's up to me to make it smile." Huh? If his future… What an odd phrase. Yet… Some of it resonated like a scream in a cave within me. "And yet here I am, drinking in a bar while he's probably sleeping alone."

"I agree with the man here, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself." The bartender said. "All of us have had to make conflicting decisions sometimes."

"Yes, that's true." I say, rubbing my forehead. "I believe your wife wouldn't blame you for this, not with how strongly you feel about it."

"…Thanks. Sigh… I do wonder if I'll ever be able to move on from this." His gaze sinks again into the cup, his shoulders descending like snow.

"Were you two in love?"

"Yes, she was all I ever wanted. She made me feel cherished for the first time in my life, she didn't like me because of who I was or what I had. And now… There are words and jokes I will never be able to say again. There's food I'll never have again, there are things I won't be able to do for anyone else, things no one else but her would appreciate. She's gone…" Then, closing his eyes, he grimaces. "And I wasn't ready to be the one left behind."

The man was valiant enough to pour out his heart raw in words. I wouldn't be able to do that, not in a hundred years. To lose that closeness forever… To lose your partner, to be forever forbidden from saying and doing things one enjoyed…

Beep!

"Oh, seems like I'm being called back. Sigh…" The Guard slowly stood up. "Sorry, I didn't meant to dump my troubles onto you two." He bowed to us, grimacing again.

"No, a bartender's job is to hear the customer's woes too."

"It was a surprise to see a Royal Guard in such honest fashion. Don't apologize, you've done no wrong. Your heart is in the right place, my fellow."

"I see… Thanks, really." He pays up his due, and leaves after a short, polite bow.

"Another beer, please."

My cup is filled and again I drink. I close my eyes, going back to those days. When I was but a fresh member of the local council.

Back then… Back then I only saw Saeko as a sort of prize, of prey. She was very prideful and snarky on the meeting I met her while I was working on Hiiragi.

I thought she was too prideful and I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to show her our position was the right one. Eventually, somehow, that turned into me wanting to… well, fuck her. I wanted to wipe that smirk of her face, to see her flushed face in embarrassment as she undressed for me.

Sigh… I do not envy my younger self's motives to do things.

The more she rejected me, the more I desired to bring her down to all fours. I wanted to make her admit I was right, to see her admit defeat. It was a power struggle on both sides, she did tell me she wanted to make me acknowledge her position in front of the rest of my colleagues, that's why she put up with me at the time. Of course, she had no sex in her mind.

I was too prideful back then, I only saw her as a meat bag to bed, an adversary to defeat. Her words had no place on my ears, she was just another opponent to surpass, another meat bag to fuck.

…Turns out our literary tastes were similar. I once ran into her in the library, and we tried to outsmart the other with our knowledge. From time to time, we met up there by coincidence and I found myself enjoying our talks. Instead of confronting her or trying to seduce her, I found myself earnestly asking for her opinion and giving her my own, no layer of sarcasm or double meanings in my words.

When was it that we started hanging out to talk about books? Our discussions about the teaching politics she was pushing became smoother, we could debate without the other snapping, without her making any snarky remarks, without me making any sexual comments or dismissing her opinion.

…I don't even remember how that matter of the school policies was resolved in the end. All I know is that we kept 'running into each other' in the library, and ended up talking about books for a while.

…Eventually, I realized I wanted her, but not like before. Well, I still desired her, but not in… that way only. I wanted her to accept me, not to force her to knee. I wanted to see her smile more, not just to use her to satisfy my own urges. I began to like Saeko, to earnestly like her company.

It almost feels like a time lost to me so long ago. As if the river were we once stood was eroded and now a cliff was in its place. I don't think I was being serious back then. I wasn't thinking on marriage, I simply wanted to be with her, to enjoy our time together.

It took some mutual effort for both of us to come out of our masks, after a year of… not dating but dating, of meeting up to talk about books and then going to eat together. We both had different views on how to tend to the house, on how to deal with life. I admired her resolute way of dealing with her problems, but I thought that… maybe she wasn't the right one for me.

She wouldn't be able to live by my side if I were to continue on the path I was at the time. We both tried to make it work during those months, it wasn't bad. I did have my doubts on whether I wanted to go further with her, but all of that went out the window… when she told me she was pregnant.

I pay the bill and go back to my room, slowly walking on the hallways as I gaze outside the windows. The city looks so small, so bright from here. As distant and beautiful as those days are to me now.

The first years weren't bad. We made our agreement and worked well under it. Dealing with Chizuru when she was a baby was… a challenge. Waking up midnight wasn't something neither appreciated, but we somehow survived that by clearly establishing who got which days. And me coming home late wasn't bad then, I was still high in adrenaline after the sessions so I could take care of Chizuru, allowing Saeko to rest well.

I supported her so that she could go back to her work as a teacher, she didn't want me to sustain her life. I liked her prideful opposition, her determination to not rely on anyone for her own life. So, we formed our new pact. The one we're still using today.

Saeko gave me a reason to look forward to coming home, a reason to not stay overnight in my office. Something besides my work, something that cannot be measured in any kind of value scale. Those first three years… were truly happy ones.

…Things started to get worse once the new education laws became more and more twisted due to the war. Saeko never asked for help and my meetings got longer.

I promised her to be home early, so I had to deal with as much as I could before that. These last years have taken their toll on both of us, and we never tried to talk with the other about work. I thought she was fine, she was always prideful and never asked for help.

In between her sobbing, she said she didn't want to bother me because I was tired, despite how I've been neglecting her these last months. Knowing her, her heart is probably in tatters right now. The profession she so much loves is being bastardized thanks to the needs of the war, her pride smashed to pieces as her hopes of being self sufficient vanish into thin air. She wanted to ask for help, but didn't. Because she held the hope I would notice? Because she wanted me to make the first move? Because she didn't know what to do?

It doesn't matter. I wasn't there for her, that is the truth.

"…If their future is crying… It's up to me to make it smile, huh."

Now that I think about it… I didn't ask that Guard his name. Damn…

The man had his heart in the right place. If I leave her alone… What will Saeko do under the pressure? She knows she can't take care of Chizuru with her salary alone, if I leave her… even if it is for the good of the Empire… even if I keep sending them more than enough money…

There has to be a way for me to help Hoshimori while remaining with her. It's the least I can do. If… If anything happened to her, and Chizuru ended up alone like that Guard's boy…

"You're just a useless idiot! You'll never get anywhere in life, you dumbass. Now shut up and go get me another beer!"

My father's words return to me, making me grimace. I run a hand over my cheek, there is no bruise on it now but the sting of the belt is still there. A gash no time will be able to heal, huh?

Saeko made my home a place I wanted to come back to. She and Chizuru… mean the world to me, they truly do.

Regardless of the platitudes I use to excuse myself, I would be abandoning them by accepting the offer I was given. And that… is something I cannot do.

Reaching my room, I delay my entrance for a moment. Taking a deep breath, looking at my hands, there's a second of hesitation as my feet wanted to remain firmly planted where they are. Smiling at my foolishness, I exhale through my nose. I then take one step forward and open the door.

Saeko wasn't in sight. I went to our room, a figure was under the sheets. She slowly rose up, looking at me.

"…Welcome back." She said, her tone similar to a tree in winter. Dry, lifeless, dulled.

"Saeko, we… need to talk."

"Yes, we do."

I sit on the edge of the bed, I feel her getting closer. Before I could sort out my thoughts, she wrapped her hands around me.

"I'm sorry. Kurechika, I didn't mean all I said."

"Stop." I grab her hands to prevent her from keep rubbing my chest. "Saeko, you don't have to do this." I turn around to face her, she was shivering slightly.

"I'm really sorry… I shouldn't have screamed at you in that way. Forgive me, please." She lowered her head, her hands together by her waist.

She looked up at me, awaiting my answer. The shifting light of a candle battered by wind, that was what her body's movements resembled as she stared at me, with eyes that retained traces of red.

In the past, I would have jumped at the prospect of such a docile Saeko being in front of me. Now, however, I can only reprimand myself for allowing this to happen.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I was in the wrong, your worries were fair and your points valid. I have not been doing what I should have as your partner. I'm the one who should apologize."

"Eh? You're not… angry?"

"Not anymore. I was tired and reacted inappropriately. I am the one at fault here. I'm sorry, for leaving you alone all this time." I grab her hands and kiss them softly. "Can you give me another chance, Saeko?"

"…Are you being serious? You're not upset? You won't leave us?" Her quiver made me bite my lips, I pulled in, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"No, I won't leave. I won't run for the Diet either, I'll find a way to help my fellows while remaining close to you and Chizuru. So… Could you forgive me for being so insensitive towards you two?"

She slowly returned the embrace, ending up clutching my back strongly and once more softly, silently crying on my shoulder.

I remain there, simply hugging her. After some time, she calmed down and ended the contact between us.

"Kurechika, you truly… will stay with us? You'll try to be more present from now on?" She looked up at me, eyes still filled with uncertainty but having regained some of her sturdiness.

"I'll try, and if I don't make it just nag at me like you used to. Remember?" I smile at her, caressing her cheek and cleaning the remnants of tears in her eyes. "I won't ask you to forgive me now, but please be patient with me. I'll make an earnest effort from now on to be a more present parent and husband."

"Then… You'll stay with Chizuru during the weekends instead of being on the phone?" Part of her usual inquisitive stare returned, grabbing my chest.

"I will have to make calls, I'm sure. But I'll be by Chizuru's side from today onwards. I don't know as much about her as I should actually… But I'll take my time to get to know her better."

"And you'll help me with the chores? You won't complain about the food I make?"

"So long as you don't ask me to cook, I will. Cleaning the dishes, buying groceries or doing the laundry is nothing I can't do. And if it makes you happy, I'll try out any food you make for me, Saeko. Just… don't overdo it with the sauce."

"And… And can I… Can you listen to what I have to say? Will you start looking at me from now on?"

"…Yes, I'll make a conscious effort to be by your side. And even if I don't notice, come and talk with me. I might be tired, but that doesn't mean we can't talk things out."

She did her best, narrowing her eyes tightly, yet the tears ran away regardless. I hugged her kindly again, she returned it as well.

"I'm sorry for saying something so hurtful before, Saeko. I truly do not deserve someone as patient as you. So please give me a chance to right my wrongs."

"Kurechika… I have to ask… Did you ever love me?" She asked, the monster resurfacing again. Her eyes now squinted, the sadness subdued slightly. "Be honest with me. Don't say these kind words just to please me. Did you ever-"

"Yes, I did. But not in the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"I… I really enjoyed our talks about books. When we officially started our relationship, I had my doubts about us to be honest."

I close my eyes, leaning onto her.

"But during our first years together, even after Chizuru had grown, I admired how you dealt with everything. My work and my own assumptions made me close up and look away… And I am sorry for that. The frustration of our quarrels of late made me forget why I chose to marry you instead of just acknowledging Chizuru as my daughter."

I move back to look into her eyes. Holding out some of their defiance like a small fence against a rainstorm, she returned my gaze.

"I love you, Saeko. I love how you challenge me to be better, how you face everything unfazed, and how you can deal with so many heavy burdens on your own."

I run a hand over her cheek slowly, feeling the minute quivering in her, wiping the tears from right under her eye.

"I used to think you could take it, that's why I didn't ask if you were fine. And seeing you waver… made me think less of you sometimes, I admit. So all I ask is for you to give me another chance to regain your trust. However… If you deem me unworthy after what I've said… I won't oppose your wishes."

She closed her eyes, bringing both hands together. Her lips moving and twisting, she then held my gaze in complete seriousness.

"…You will be back home early, right?"

"Yes, I will."

"And I can rely on you to help me in taking care of Chizuru?" I nod. "And you'll take care of her no matter what happens between us?"

"Of course I will."

"…Even after I'm gone?"

"What are you saying? Are… Are you sick, Saeko?"

"No, it's just… You won't leave Chizuru alone if anything happens to me, right? You won't do that, right Kurechika?"

"Your doubt hurts me. I know I said many hurtful things to you tonight but I would never abandon our daughter. I know it wasn't enough, but I have been living with you two in my mind." I didn't want to have a daughter at the time. Chizuru wasn't in my plans. But that doesn't mean I'll abandon her. I won't be like my own father, I will keep my daughter safe.

"I see…" She looks away for a moment, rubbing her hands together. "And… you will… start taking our relation more seriously? I can… believe you, right?"

"Yes… I don't know how soon I'll reach what you need of me, but I will do my utmost effort to support you from now on, and not just with money. Can you give me another chance, Saeko?"

She looks away, pursing her lips. Bringing her hands together again, she took a moment to look at me again. When she did, she grabbed my face and kissed me.

"…If you were lying…. I swear you'll pay for giving me hope again." Her body still doing hiccups, her eyes seemed to have a few tears left in them. I hug her, our foreheads touching.

"I wasn't. I promise you I'll start to properly support you from now on, dear."

---

February 10th. 08:36 PM.

(Head's Private Room. Koubuin Main House. Osaka.)

[Takahisa]

---

"Regarding the negotiations, we have received confirmation from Tamase that he has arranged a meeting for next Thursday with some members of the UN's High Council." Bazora notified me of the news.

"That is good to hear. Who will be coming with us?"

"Takatsukasa-sama, General Makabe, and a small retinue from their families."

"I see. Hopefully this can be a pleasant meeting. What else?"

"Tomorrow you have a meeting with the representatives of Mitsuhishi Industries. Some of the parts our fellows have designed for the enhancement of the F-15 were chosen for the final model, and so, you have to be there for the customary bureaucracy."

"Well, that is also good to hear. Anything else of note?" He shakes his head, placing his notebook under his arm. "Now then Bazora, about… my request of some days ago…" I entwine my fingers and rest my elbows on my desk. He sighs, then ruffles his emerald hair softly.

"Yohime-sama has already arranged both matters. Mana shall be going to tend to the Mitsurugi girl while Maya has been selected as the caretaker of Shirogane's son."

"Oh? Is that so? I was convinced your daughter would be the one sent to Hiiragi."

When Yohime told me she thought the young Tsukuyomis would be good candidates for the tasks I needed to be tackled, considering both of them are part of our most trusted fellows, have been trained to be our counselors were we to need their guide, and they're used to looking after little ones due to also having to take care of their younger siblings from time to time, I paled at my shortsightedness. The answer was in front of me and I didn't see it, at all. Thankfully, I have my dear Yohime with me, for whenever I make such obvious blunders.

However, I was convinced Mana was to be the one selected to take care of Shirogane's boy. Maya has been influenced by Kazora's prejudices, after all. He has imprinted into her that unnecessary habit of bottling up feelings, of separating oneself from our common fellows. Yohime has decided it, so I shall trust in my lady wife's judgment. There must be a reason for this arrangement.

"Yes, I was also of the same opinion, my liege. However, Mana has developed some… troubling habits as of late."

"Troubling? Has she become colder to our peasants?"

"No, nothing of the sort. She seems to… wish to have a more close relation with her sister. She has tried to make Mion refer to her in less formal ways for some time now."

"Forgive me Bazora, I fail to see how this could impede Mana from performing the task I asked of her." I send a hand to my short ponytail, caressing it as I ponder once more his words, yet find no answer within. My retainer's eyes squint, his lips twist into an uncomfortable shape.

"Well… As it stands, Mana seems to wish to… be able to display her affection more openly. When in her trials, she's still as unwavering as she always was. However, thanks to those books she reads, she has expressed her disagreement over how I continue to further push Mion to hone herself." I reiterate, I cannot see how this could be an obstacle for her. "In fact, she has been showing a propensity to embrace Mion quite often. The little one has not yet been up to what I expect of her, I fear Mana has become too soft."

"So you believe she would spoil the boy?"

"Yes. She has said she wanted to be closer to Mion, and I don't doubt she would pamper the kid if she were to be put in charge of him. My apologies, Takahisa-sama. I have been careless as a father, I let Mana be swayed by these cheap sentimentalism displayed in those pages." He bows to me. Bazora, you're as resolute as ever I see.

"Now Bazora, don't be so extreme. I see no wrong in Mana wishing to express her feelings in private. While I do agree she has to learn when and how to do so, I see no need to show such restlessness over this. Do try to have a talk with her when you find the time, so that she doesn't forget when to draw the line."

"If you so order, I shall try to speak with her about this." He again stands upright, the bull back in his gaze. "However, I do have something else to mention."

"What is it?"

"Are you sure sending Mana to the Mitsurugi girl is wise?"

"…Are you doubting my judgment?"

"Yes, I am." He narrows his eyes, folding his arms behind his back. "Twins should never be recognized in the Koubuin House. The risk of entering into a succession dispute is very high, our unity would be put in jeopardy. Learning from the mistakes of the other Houses, we have been stalwart in this matter. Were Mana to grow attached to the girl, and if the girl were ever to desire to regain her heritage… Your scar in your left hand should remind you of the risks you're playing with." I grimace, instinctively clenching my left hand.

"Tsukuyomi, that will not repeat itself. I have told you I wish to have Meiya rejoin the family. She will not be a hazard."

"We do not know that, my liege. We cannot foresee how she might react, how she might feel inside. If she were to rally some of our fellows against Yuuhi-sama, our power would be diminished. We cannot allow House Koubuin to crumble in these times."

"Meiya will not do anything of the sort. She has been raised well, and I will be here to guide her."

"…Your brother also had your father guiding him, and he still raised his blade at you when you were appointed as the next head."

"Me and Jinkuro never were on good terms. It was an obvious outcome. Meiya harbors no such foul feelings in her."

"For now. We cannot allow that to repeat itself, especially considering their resemblance. Think of all the problems that would cause Yuuhi-sama if the Mitsurugi girl were to plot against her integrity."

"That will not happen. Raiden has been raising her well."

"Surely you know what is said of twins. One gains all the good qualities while the other is left with only the foul traits. Considering how Yuuhi-sama is everyday…" He closes his eyes, leaving his words unfinished.

"You say Meiya is truly the shadow to Yuuhi's light?"

"Precisely."

"Then tell me Tsukuyomi, whatever shall I do? How do you suggest I should proceed in this predicament?" I lean back into my seat, sharpening my tongue against the inner side of my teeth.

"I have already voiced my opinion on this matter, on the night they were born." His brows tense downwards, as do mine knowing what he's about to say. "There is only one solution to this problem, only one path will ascertain the stability of the House. You have to kill Meiya before it's too late, before she either rises up against us or she is manipulated by other Regents to suit their agendas."

"I refuse. Do remember you're speaking of my daughter, exiled or not."

"Do remember you're speaking of a cursed child, do not forget what you yourself went through. Me and Kazora took your side, but we lost many of my own family in that struggle."

"You need not remind me, I know full well Jinkuro had the vast support of the Tsukuyomi elders. I know what you two had to do during that night. But this time it's different, we're united as of now."

"…I fear Mana might bring cracks into our hearts, my liege. No, anyone who gets attached to that girl will become a hazard to the family. Takahisa-sama, even if you desire to keep her alive, there is no reason to send anyone to her."

"Then, what happens once Raiden is too old to take care of her?"

"…There is a vast network of dungeons in the underground. We have many places to keep her locked up where she can't harm the House, where we can discipline her to fulfill her role as a body double." He said with remarkable aplomb, as if his own veins were filled with the night gale of December.

"And what has Meiya done to deserve such a fate?!" I hit my desk, rising from my seat. "Can't you see that this attitude is what will cause her to despise us? This unnecessary paranoia is what forced Father to drive away Jinkuro during his early days. That is why he despised me, my brother felt that he didn't have a place in the family. He… His final words were not ones of greed, they were those of hatred and sorrow." I close my eyes, pain returning to my left hand as my brother's bloodied, crying face in his last moments returns to my mind. Such was the reason why he sought the dark parts of our story, why he embraced the accursed legacy of the shinobi that my late Father had pledged to forever seal. "I will give Meiya a place in this family, even if it's the last thing I do in this life. I won't let her heart be corrupted by the isolation I forced upon her in my weakness. And if you oppose me…" I put my left hand in my waist, moving the handguard of my Minaru Kamui upwards with my thumb. "I will remove you from my side, Tsukuyomi."

"There is need for such hostility. I am loyal to you, Takahisa-sama." He bows down deeply, remaining still and undaunted. "I cannot help but to bring this matter to you in this time. If you still desire to follow through, it is your decision. Just know that what I described might one day come to pass, so you should first meet the girl to see for yourself who she is. Yours, Yohime-sama's, and Yuuhi-sama's well-being will always be my priority, but I shall follow your orders on this regardless."

"…Sigh. I am thankful for all you do, Tsukuyomi. For all you had to do for me." I sit down, sheathing my blade. "But please understand. I want Meiya with us, I want to break this taboo. Are you with me, Tsukuyomi?"

He looked at me, narrowing his eyes. Giving a firm now, standing as firm as a mountain, enduring my gaze without so much as a quiver. The currents in his eyes showed no ripples nor taints, shining as clearly as the morning sun.

"To my last breath, my liege."

"I see… Thank you, Bazora. And please do try to… see Meiya in a different light. She has committed no sin, she's but a little girl left to her own luck." By her own Father, no less.

"…I cannot make any promises. But I will see with mine own eyes her worth if such a time comes."

"That is good enough for me. Now then, there was nothing else to tend to for today, was there?"

"No, nothing else sir. Dinner should have been prepared, do you wish to go now?"

"Yes, let us. I do need to speak with Yohime about how she'll relay the news to both Mana and Maya."

"Are you not going to do it yourself, Takahisa-sama?"

"Remember that we have the tests in the afternoon. I wish to spend some time with my squadron before the fights. Now then, let us go."

I stand up, letting out a long sigh. I always knew both Tsukuyomi brothers did not agree with me leaving Meiya alive. After all we went through when Jinkuro tried to usurp the position of Head that night… All of our fellows we had to bury… Even my own shinobi turned against me. I look at my left hand, where the wound I suffered that day lies. The wound my most trusted fellow once inflicted me in hopes of letting Jinkuro score a certain hit to my throat.

Meiya isn't my brother. That little girl won't be like him, because I won't leave her alone like my father left my brother. I will not allow you to fall to the darkness, Meiya. And that is why… I pray for Mana to be able to become someone Meiya can trust.

Sigh… Now, all that is left is to see how Maya adapts to taking care of Shirogane's boy.