Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang
Summary: After a mishap on an alien planet, Mickey gets the TARDIS gang talking about kissing… Warning: Silly fic.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who doesn't belong to me.
Warning: Don't write a fic in ten minutes without planning it, because this is what happens. Awfulness!
Rose is laughing hard, and the Doctor is still smirking, and Mickey is still a weird shade of green that the Doctor tells him will fade. Eventually.
"At least I've kissed someone," Mickey says, folding his arms over his chest.
"And turned green from it," Rose snickers.
"Oy," the Doctor says, "I've kissed people before."
"Jack kissed you," Rose corrects him.
"Lots of people," the Doctor defends. "Like Doctor Grace Holloway." He leans back against the pillar of the TARDIS he was perched against. "Ah, Doctor Grace Holloway…" A slightly fuzzy expression crosses his face.
"That's it? Two?" Mickey sniggers a little. "Even Rose has kissed more than two-"
"What do you mean even Rose-" Rose spurts out.
"I wasn't finished," the Doctor protests. "Madame de Pompadour," he says, half-sad, half-fake-pompous.
Rose and Mickey turn to him. Rose looks sad for a second, but then smirks. Mickey looks a bit astonished.
"Her?" Mickey blinks. "But you first knew her when she was seven!"
The Doctor blinks back at him. "And that's weird on Earth, isn't it."
"It's a bit of an age difference," Rose says lightly.
The Doctor looks at her, gauging her reaction. She doesn't seem too mad. Perhaps it's the mellow mood they're all in, after drinking the bubbly wine on Dalfrox, and Mickey's had too much, which led to his kissing an alien and getting his green nose from it, and he'll never hear the end of it. Ever. The Doctor smiles at that cheery thought.
"Madame de Pompadour, though," Mickey says, shaking his head. "Bet she kissed you. Formidable woman, her."
"She was at that," the Doctor says, smirking now. "I can't help it. Women just want to snog me. It's a disease. Cassandra did, too."
"Cassandra?" Mickey fights for the reason why the name sounds so familiar. "The living skin you told me about? You kissed a sheet of skin?"
"Well," the Doctor says, "Cassandra had possessed Rose. So technically it was Rose that kissed me."
Mickey turns to Rose, who is flushing. "I was possessed," Rose says, blushing hard. "I couldn't help it."
The Doctor leans back, smug, while Mickey splutters.
"Possessed?" His voice is heavy with jealousy. "That's the best excuse you could come up with?"
Rose glares and hits him. "It's the truth."
"And have you ever kissed her?" Mickey demands.
"Yes," the Doctor says at the same time as Rose squeaks "no!" and Mickey is amused to see the same expression on Rose's face as he's sure is on his own.
"You said yes," Rose says.
"It's funny how often people say yes when they say no," the Doctor says, a little too quickly.
"Doctor," Rose warns, her voice low, her eyes wide with curiosity.
"Rose," the Doctor sing songs back.
"Doctor." Her voice has dropped an octave.
"Rose," he says back, a little more nervously this time.
"Doctor," she hisses.
Mickey is silent, watching the interchange like it's a game of tennis.
"When the Daleks attacked," the Doctor explains. "You looked into the Heart of the Time and it took over you. It was too much for your body to take, so I had to take it out of you. 'swhy I had to regenerate. Too much for me."
Rose stares at him, wide-eyed. Mickey doesn't know when the light-hearted atmosphere disappears, but he abruptly wishes for it back, because this new atmosphere is weird.
"I-" She's nervous. Rose stares at the Doctor. "I was why you had to regenerate?"
"Yeah. No big problem though. You destroyed the daleks, ended the time war. Not bad for a nineteen-year-old Ch- shopgirl from London," the Doctor says.
"Were you just about to call me a Chav?" Rose demands, suddenly, distracted.
"No," the Doctor says, too quickly.
"So where did the kissing come in?" Mickey interjects, and the Doctor and Rose jump guiltily as if they'd forgotten he was there.
"Oh," the Doctor shifts, "I had to get the power out of Rose somehow. I made this really good witty comment, too, beforehand, I felt like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all, and when she wakes up, she's so ungrateful. All I had to go through to save her, and she's all 'ooh, you're not the Doctor', and the 'real Doctor this, the real Doctor that'."
"So you-" Rose shakes her head. "What was the witty comment?"
"You're not mad?" The Doctor turns to Rose, all sincere now.
She shakes her head. "You'll get a smackdown later for lying to me – sing a song and the daleks went away, indeed – but-" She flushes awkwardly. "You did it to save me." She leans over and pokes him in the stomach. "What was the witty comment?"
The Doctor coughs and says something during the sound, muffling the words.
"What was that?" Mickey says.
The Doctor mumbles again.
"Huh?"
"I said, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS A DOCTOR!" The Doctor roars.
Mickey bursts out laughing.
"And then you kissed me?" Rose giggles. "Suave. Very suave."
"I was," the Doctor protests. "I'm dead suave, me."