Chapter 53: Guidance of the Claret Hollows
May 25th. 07:35 PM.
(Dojo. Koubuin House.)
[Native Takeru]
"Ugh!" I fall to the floor again, my sword goes flying towards the wall once more.
"You haven't improved your form at all… I told you that such aggressiveness shouldn't be present in your stride, Shirogane," Kazora-san shook his head again.
I slowly get up and go look for my sword. Gasping for air, dragging my feet as I go towards it, my teeth press onto my lips. It's always the same with him, I am getting better but you're just too good for me.
I won't cry, I won't cry in front of him again like when they gave me Dad's letter and told me to come here. Gritting my teeth, putting some tension in my arms as I take my pose, again I begin to attack.
But no matter what I try, how I attack, he always sends me to the floor in the end.
"If you still can't trade a few blows with me, this will be a pointless effort," He says, shaking his head, "Shirogane, you should stop trying to become a Royal Guard."
"…Why do you hate me that much? What did I do to you?!"
"Hate is a too strong word," He rested his sword under his arm, looking away, "I simply don't see how you could become a decent Imperial Guard with this meager skill."
"You aren't giving me any advice, you're just beating me up."
"Sigh… I have told you already, you should not be so aggressive in your stance."
"But if I don't attack I'll never win."
"And as I said before, you must not fall to emotion. It is clear you are not meditating on the code's teachings. It would be better for you to study for a different path, or to rest well from your efforts."
"…I don't wanna. I'm going to become a samurai."
He shakes his head again, taking his pose once more, "Can't you see you're only wasting your time? It would be better for you if you focused on studying more instead of being here."
"Well, Yohime-san said I could try. I won't give up until the end of the month!"
"Sigh… Whatever is to happen to you, you won't be able to surpass the expectations placed on a Royal Guard with your abilities and this attitude of yours. It is what it is," He then nodded and readied for another duel.
Again, I dash at him and try to break his guard, but after just a few seconds he starts pressuring me and I can barely keep up. Blocking his swings feels like trying to walk against a strong wind, like those times it rains so hard the umbrellas fly away even if you hold onto them hard. My feet hurting from trying to not fall back, elbows and wrists feel stiff and sore the more I parry, I again try to breath deeply to not end up slipping.
I was expecting him to knock my sword away or make me fall back, but he stops in the middle, breaking his pose. I remain quiet, sword in midair, as he furrows my brows and starts groaning.
"I'm sure you can see how fruitless this is for you, Shirogane."
"Huh?"
"You haven't improved at all, and you still can't determine how to approach me in our duels. Your inexperience is grand, your form is lacking, and you still do not have an ounce of poise in you. It would be a disgrace to the Imperial Royal Guard to let such a barbaric person join our ranks."
"Then, how can I get better?"
He sighs again and folds his sword under one of his arms as he crossed them, "I already told you what you should do, and yet you continue to fall prey to your anger. If my words and actions have not brought a change in you, however small, in this time, I can only deduce you simply won't improve."
"…You don't know that. And you always speak weird during the lessons."
"…Then, come at me and show me whether or not you have what it takes. Surprise me once, see if you can do that much at the least."
Again I took my pose and attacked him.
SWISH!
But I can't break his guard. What can I do? How can I win?
I try to go from his right, doing a rising slash towards his wrist. He blocks it, I keep going forward and do a downward slash. He parries it again and pushes me back. In a flash, my sword is sent flying again.
"…See? You are not improving in the least."
"I haven't lost yet. I'm not giving up," I slowly go for my sword, looking at the floor.
"It's pointless, in the end nothing will change. You can't expect to bridge this canyon in a mere month. I am telling you this for your own good, Shirogane. You should desist in your efforts to be a Royal Guard."
"…No," I sniff a bit, biting my lips to not start sobbing.
"Don't be this obstinate. You are staying overtime to train unlike Shion and Mion, and you still haven't improved. I do praise your dedication, but effort alone cannot bridge this gap. You should be using your time to hone your innate talents, wherever they lie."
"…I want to be a samurai. I… I am not giving up, Kazora-san," Maya-nee said we'd be like family. I won't… I won't let this stupid test take them away from me.
"It's Tsukuyomi-sensei," He grumbles for a while as he shakes his head, "I am only being honest. You have many expectations to meet if you desire to continue down this path, those are the rules we live by. And you… do not possess the abilities that are necessary to be chosen for this role. There are moments in life when you have to possess the courage to back down from a pointless fight. Your struggles will be pointless if you continue chasing this dream."
…I don't wanna give up.
If I do, Maya-nee and the rest will be gone. I'll be alone. I don't think I'll be able to make friends, the adults here all look at me with those same scary eyes Kazora-san sometimes has. If everybody else is like that, if I can't see the Pickles and Yuuhi, if I can't go back to see Sumika and the rest… Sniff…
I look down, trying to hide the few tears that come out. The hand that has my sword trembles a bit.
Stupid rules… It's not fair that I always have to fight against him. I am doing better than before. This isn't… This isn't…
Still crying, I frown and look up at him, taking my pose again. As he slowly takes a common pose instead of the one Maya-nee also uses, I could feel my head beating. It hurts… It feels as if I had water in my ears and someone was pressing my head from behind.
I take my first step and attack him, this time trying to do it faster than before.
"See? You're only using brute force. This is pointless, you should know better by now!" He pressures me, I take a step back and block him, "You should know how this will end. Stop chasing after impossible dreams, Shirogane."
"No! I won't… I will keep trying!"
He again makes me go back, unable to hold him off. I barely manage to meet his swings, almost losing hold of my sword for a moment. Gasping for air as he starts to move a bit faster, feeling as if my hands were hurt after carrying many heavy bags from the super, my heels dive onto the floor to not end up slipping up.
I won't give up… I won't lose anything else. I won't accept I lost yet. Raising my blade and returning the slash, gritting my teeth, my heels stomping hard as I hold my ground, as he keeps attacking, as my head began to hurt more. It felt as if I had dirt on my mouth, like when I get into a fight and my lips end up bleeding a bit, as if many mosquitoes were picking on my neck and arms all at the same time.
As Kazora-san rose his blade, I bent my knees and parried his swing and started pressuring him. The water left my ears, I inhaled through my nose and rose my sword above my shoulder as I kept going forward, enduring the itching on my neck.
He again blocked me as usual, but I aimed my sword a bit lower on the second slash, trying to hit his hands. He blocked me again, but when he went for his follow up, I took my step back and countered. And he parried again.
If I let him do his stuff he's going to tire me out again. I have to push forward and hit him once! So, breathing deeply with my nose, I stomped hard with my heels and moved forward, lowering my sword when Kazora-san had to take a step back.
SWISH!
THUD!
"Ugh…" I again was left on the floor. My back hurts a lot. I couldn't even see what happened just now.
I feel a hole in my stomach… I'm hungry… Also, my head hurts. How did he even block me and counter so quickly?! …Ugh, it's as if the floor was moving.
"…Shirogane, what was that?" Kazora-san moved closer, his voice slow and deep like those serious people that appear on the news at night.
"…What? I lost again," I got up slowly, avoiding his eyes. Oh, I didn't lose my sword this time.
"I am not speaking of that. When did you… When did you learn to move in such way?"
"What way? I just did what I always do."
"You weren't trying anything different?"
"…No, I was just trying to be faster. What is it?"
He remains standing there, saying nothing. Now what? Is he going to say I'm bad again?
"…This was enough for today. Go take your gear off."
"Yes," I give him a bow as he also does the same.
I go into the changing room and take off the gear. And then, I let the tears come out as I twist my lips shut. Burying my face in a towel as I cry, my arms hurt a lot… And I'm feeling kinda dizzy. I rub my forehead slowly, making circles as I try to calm myself down.
Sniff… I just have to try harder. Everything will be fine… Just remember Maya-nee's advice and you'll be fine… I'm sure…
Next Day. Near Noon.
(Dining Room.)
"But it's a lot, really," I complain, since I wasn't able to finish all my homework during the class.
"You shouldn't let this impair your efforts, regardless," Maya-nee said. It feels as if she were going back to using a lot of weird words again, "Have your tutors not given you any advice?"
"Well, yeah…" I sit down, she places my lunch in front of me, "Are you not eating, Maya-nee?"
"My food hasn't been brought yet, so I'll go to the kitchen now. You remain here, and remember not to-"
"Yeah, I know. I won't be rude if anyone else comes,"
Holding my gaze for a second, she then nods, "Very well. I'll return in a moment, so do start eating, Takeru," And so, she turns around and goes to the door.
Mmgh… I know already. Why is she back to the weird words, though? I didn't do anything to make her angry…
Eating my food, stealing glances at the door, I wonder what could I do to get better. The classes are really hard, I'm having a lot of trouble just to understand what the teachers explain to me. And it's not even what I'll have to see if I wanna be a samurai.
Even when I do my best… I'm not getting any better… Maybe that's why she's mad? Is she… disappointed?
Then, the door opens. But as I look towards it, Maya-nee doesn't come in. Instead, a short samurai in a red dress, that's stronger than the one Maya-nee uses now, with his hair combed backwards, in a softer shade of purple than Yuuhi's, and an odd horn coming forward on above his forehead, was the one who entered the dining room.
He looked at me and we remained staring at the other for a moment. Tilting my head, furrowing my brows a bit, I return his stare but he says nothing.
"…Who are you?"
Seeming to blink fast for a second, he coughs a bit, "That is my question. What would you be doing here, little one?" He also speaks weird.
"I'm eating lunch."
"Yes, that I can see. However… Why would you be here?"
"…Because I'm eating lunch?" Tilting my head again, I give him a confused gaze. Can't he see I'm eating?
"No, I… Ahem, this dining room is for members of the House. Who brought you here?" He asked in a soft, calm voice, not looking angry or anything.
"Maya-nee brought me here, like always."
"Oh, so…" Then, he suddenly stops and stares at me, really surprised for some reason, "A moment, who did… By 'Maya-nee', are you perhaps referring to Maya Tsukuyomi?"
"Yeah, who else?" Pouting at him for a moment, I go back to my rice when I see him keeping quiet again.
What a weird samurai, what other Maya could I be talking about. Often, the other samurai either give me a scary gaze or they just leave me alone. What is it with him now? Walking slowly to the other side of the table and sitting in front of me, looks like he was staring. What? Is he gonna be mean too?
"Excuse me, I didn't introduce myself," But then he smiled, sounding friendly, "My name is Masahide Amato. Who would you be?"
"I'm Takeru Shirogane," Hesitating for a moment, I offer him my hand. He takes it and gives me a slowl handshake.
"…Could you be Kageyuki Shirogane's son, perchance?"
…Huh?
Did… he…
"Did you know Dad?"
"Yes, I was one of his fellows in the Royal Guard," He says as he ends the handshake, leaning back into his chair.
"Um… Did… Did you fight against the monsters with him?" Unable to look down, I barely manage to whisper the question out.
"…Yes," Making a pained face, he also remains quiet.
"Um… Was Dad… a good samurai?" Picking at my food, I watch him as he seems to go back to normal.
"Yes, your Father was a fine Royal Guard, indeed," Making a small smile, he again looks my way, "If I might ask, why have you come to the House, Shirogane-kun?"
Can't help but to puff my cheeks at him, "My name is Takeru, don't call me Shirogane."
But he doesn't seem upset, instead he chuckles a bit, "Do forgive me. So Takeru-kun, why have you been brought here?"
He doesn't sound mean… and he did greet me back. But I can't tell him I'm part of Maya-nee's family.
"Hmm… Maya-nee told me I shouldn't tell other samurai, because they might get upset."
"Huh? How do you mean? Why would I be…" Then, he grabs his chin, groaning for a while, before looking at me again, "Could it be that you are not visiting, but are living in the House?"
"Eh?! How did you guess?!"
"Well, I heard once from your Father that you had no other relatives," He said, slowly nodding, "If you are eating here, brought by Maya-sama, and a 'samurai' might take offense in your presence… It is one of the possible deductions I can reach."
Looking into my dish, it feels as if ants were crawling all over me. What do I say now? He might get mad if I tell him the truth, like the rest have been until now. But he did knew Dad… But Dad never talked about his time in the samurais. He's still gazing at me, keeping quiet.
As I wondered what I should say to him, the door opened. Maya-nee entered the room, a few maids behind her carrying some food. They gave Masahide-san his plate as well as place Maya-nee's one by my side, and both of them thanked them as they left.
She then sat by my side, gazing at him, "Is something the matter, Masahide-san? Is the food not to your liking?"
"No, nothing of the sort," He replied, still calm, "Actually… If I may, might I ask why have you brought Takeru-kun here, Maya-sama?"
…So he does have a problem with me. Why are they all like that?
"I suggest you to not inquire into this matter. Yohime-sama was the one who allowed Takeru to reside in the House," She said in the scary tone.
"…Is that so?" He doesn't seem scared, though, "However, that is not what I wished to ask. Why did you bring the boy here? Leaving him alone, where others could come in and find him. Takeru-kun did say other nobles might take offense at him being here, you should be more careful Maya-sama."
Is he just worried then? I don't get it… Why are they arguing now?
"I would like to ask you to refrain from speaking of matters you know nothing about, Masahide-san," She narrowed her eyes, tapping her glasses. But he still keeps calm, returning her glare without flinching, "Whether you accept it or not, Takeru is now a fellow of us. I would mind my tongue if I were you."
"…A fellow? Is he not a vassal?"
Maya-sama scowled at him before calming down again, "Tell me Masahide-san, what do you know of Takeru?"
"Maya-nee, why are you angry?" Pulling the sleeve of her red dress, I ask. He seems surprised at this, for some reason.
"I am not angry, Takeru," She says, still sounding a bit upset, "It seems Masahide-san does not fully understand your position, therefore I suppose it falls to me to inform him of your situation."
"…Since you said he is a fellow and not a vassal, that means Takeru-kun is going to join the Royal Guard?" He asks, raising a brow in confusion.
"Indeed. He is currently being trained to determine his placement in our ranks, even if his induction's area has not been decided yet."
"I am going to join the samurai!" Puffing my cheeks, I glare at her. Why won't she trust in me?
She looks at me and sighs again, "As I was saying, due to his father's contributions and his personal situation, Yohime-sama extended a helping hand to Takeru. He is now one of us, and he's currently taking a test to determine which path he is to follow. Ergo, speaking against his stay here is tantamount to going against Yohime-sama's wishes," She finished tapping her glasses once more before starting to eat, sounding scary again.
"I never spoke against his situation, however," But he's still calm, drinking some water, "I was merely surprised to see a commoner being allowed to be here, of all places. I do recommend you to be more tactful with him, Takeru-kun did display clear worry about others' views of him. It would be harmful to him to be put in a delicate situation."
"Takeru, is this true? Did anything happen?"
"Well…" I slowly swayed from left to right, avoiding Maya-nee's stare. When she didn't stop staring, I nodded, barely lifting my voice, "Yesterday, a few samurai came here before you and left really fast saying I smelled bad."
They said that they didn't stand the 'reeking stench of a lowborn', whatever that means, and left as quickly as they entered. I dunno what they wanted to say, but they were obviously saying mean things about me, that same scary glare some give me in the hallways. And I don't even know what I did wrong to anger them like that…
Masahide-san sighs heavily, shaking his head as he places a hand on his wide forehead, Maya-nee's brows get all low and spiky.
"…Is that why you stayed more time in the bath last night?" She asks and I nod, lowering my head to the table, "Pay no heed to those foolish words. Remember my advice, do not flare up in vain. Serenity is a key virtue of a samurai, Takeru." She petted my head and I returned upwards, giving her a nod. "Ahem…" She then looked at Masahide-san again, a finger on the outer rim of her glasses, "As I was saying, he is now another fellow of ours. Therefore, I suggest you to not-"
"I have nothing against him. Do not forget I fought alongside his father, Maya-sama," He said, now sounding a bit upset, "I am merely at a loss of words towards these news. For a commoner to be admitted into our House, for you to show such concern over his situation, it is something I never expected to hear. Even less for the boy to be the son of one of my comrades in arms."
Hey, what did he mean about Maya-nee? He isn't being mean to her, is he? Looking at her, her brows lowered just a tiny bit… She's angry.
"I see… However, may I ask what do you mean regarding my… concern over Takeru's situation? Are you insinuating anything, perhaps?" And she's back to the scary voice, too.
"…Do you truly not remember the time we were tasked to patrol the city together during our training? What did a certain someone do when a pair of children started arguing about what sweets they wanted to buy?" He asks, giving her a dubious gaze.
"That's… That was only one time."
"And what of that time a little girl that was crossing the street didn't want to walk after the lights turned red?" He again asks.
"That girl and her mother were in serious danger. You should be well aware of that, Masahide-san. I only did what we obviously had to do."
"That may be so, but you could have grabbed her arm instead. I believe that girl's ear is still red to this day after such a strong pulling,"
Huh… I do see Maya-nee doing something like that, though. Giggling a bit, she then glared at me and I stopped short.
"And what of the times our civilians asked you for directions? If I recall correctly, you-"
"Masahide-san…" Maya-nee tapped her glasses, her lips twitching, "I suppose you are saying I am not the most tactful member of our ranks, am I correct?"
"Well… Takeru-kun, what do you think? Do you think Maya-sama is perhaps too strict?"
"Hmm… Sometimes," He chuckles, one of Maya-nee's hands seemed to tense for a second, "But she's really kind, you know. So stop saying bad things about Maya-nee," Pouting at him, I arch my brows while giving him a mean gaze.
But he chuckled again, making another small smile, "Do forgive me. However, if I may, why does he refer to you in such a personal manner?"
"Well… Takeru refuses to speak formally, no matter how much I tried to make him do so," She answered, going back to her food and a calm tone.
"But for what reason does he refer to you as a sister?" He insists.
Maya-nee's eyes lowered, her hands stopped and laid atop the table. She got all quiet… W-Why does she not want to answer?
"Maya-nee? What's wrong?" Couldn't help it so my voice creaked as I stared.
She looked at me, not seeming angry or anything, then closed her eyes for a moment. Grabbing her sleeve again, she tapped her glasses before opening her eyes once more. Going back to the old cold face she used to make, she waited to answer for a moment to look at me again.
"…I was tasked with the protection of Takeru for some time, Masahide-san," She began slowly, "During that time, he became attached to me and I allowed him to refer to me in such a way. And now, Takeru is aiming to join us in the Royal Guard. Therefore…" She narrowed her eyes at him, embers and sparks heating her tone, "I suppose that allowing him to continue to refer to me as his sister would do good to him, considering his circumstances. Again, I suggest you to not oppose his stay here, even if he should mend his manners."
"…Does that mean that you are acting against the code, Maya-sama?" He asks, now sounding serious. What's his problem?
"Whatever are you talking about?" And she sends a sharp slash at him with her glare.
Why is she so angry? Am I giving her trouble? And again with that sad code, too.
"You're acting on emotion," Keeping the serious eyes but without any fire in his voice, he leans on the table, "The you I knew would never allow a peasant to be here in such an arrangement, much less to display such closeness to your person so openly. A single generation of service should not bestow this privilege to anyone. And yet, here you are… Allowing a commoner to be trained as a fellow, allowing him to address you as family."
Couldn't help to look down, plucking my lips as I let go of Maya-nee's sleeve. So I am being a bother, then? Maya-nee left the silence hanging for a moment, when I looked up she was giving him a really nasty glare, as angry as I haven't seen her in a while. He didn't look away, or even seem scared.
"Masahide-san, must I remind you that Yohime-sama herself allowed Takeru to reside in the house? Are you speaking against her wishes, by any chance?"
"Do not dodge the question, please," Leaning forward, he insisted, "How do you explain, justify these actions? I wish to hear that answer, considering how you were before you left this is nothing short of a shock."
Mmgh… Feeling my fists beginning to tighten, my lips too, I wanna scream at him. Why is he being mean to her? What does he know? But if I do… I'll just give her more problems… But I don't like how he's talking about her now… Ugh…
"The code orders us to protect our fellows," She shoots out immediately, "Takeru, being the son of one of our men, has been taken under our care for this very reason."
"And yet, the code forbids us from acting on emotion, from showing favoritism to anyone," He replies, still calm as he meets her eyes, "All boons must be earned. His father being but an inductee, this would raise many questions. Even more towards your… relation with him. The little one seems to like you much, and I suppose you have been taking good care of him to earn such affection. Isn't that right, Takeru-kun?" Then, he looks at me, nodding with a smile.
"Yeah, Maya-nee is awesome. Why are you being mean to her?"
"I am not, I'm just surprised is all. Maya-sama used to be…" He runs a hand over his hair, giving her a look, "far more colder than how she has been today."
"Well… That's true, Maya-nee was kinda scary at first," I nod, and then hear her groan a bit.
"I see. Well, it is good to see you're comfortable with her now," Still smiling, he nods again. He doesn't seem to be mean, then, what's up with him? "So, Maya-sama, I don't ask for all the answers but, what caused this turn of events? Why go against the code so obviously? If this were noticed by anyone, I am sure many would be the troubles coming our way."
"…No one is acting against the code," Narrowing her eyes even more, she leaned back on the chair, "As a fellow of us, we shall be watching over Takeru from now on. He isn't merely staying here, as I said before he will either become a public servant or a Royal Guard. As a soon-to-be recruit, it is only natural for him to be around us, so that he becomes accustomed to his new life."
"I see… Perhaps we could continue this little matter at another time?" He asks, almost hesitating, and then she nods.
I don't get what just happened… Are they friends or not? How did he get along with Dad?
"Um… Masahide-san?"
"Hm? What is it?" Looking at me, he doesn't seem to mind I used his name.
"…Can you tell me how you worked with Dad?"
Giving a nod, he then answered my questions as he ate. At first I tried to be polite, but since he seemed nice I ended up talking as always. Chuckling when I did, saying I really resembled Dad, he kept telling me stories of how they patrolled around a Castle and made some reports or something.
"Well… It is time for you to return to your studies, Takeru," Maya-nee stood up, cleaning her mouth with a tissue and then grabbing my arm.
"Eh? But I wanna talk with Masahide-san a bit more."
"Takeru, do remember to be respectful," She then sighs when I pout at her.
"It is alright. He is but a child, I have not taken offense," He raises a hand, still smiling.
"I see. Then, we shall be on our way," Holding hands, we stand up and go to the door.
Masahide-san also stood up and exited the room, but as we did a samurai in a pale gray uniform was coming towards us. Standing tight and doing that hand thing to her forehead, the woman then looked at Maya-nee.
"Maya-sama, your Father is calling for you. Please follow me to the meeting room."
"…I see. However, I have to take Shirogane to his classroom, therefore-"
"Kazora-sama told me to bring you to him immediately," She replies, giving Maya-nee a small bow, "It seems he needs to relay an important message to you, Ma'am."
Maya-nee tried to stay cool, but still sent me a rather worried gaze for her. Mmgh… So she still doesn't think I know where the classroom is?
"Maya-sama, if duty calls for you, perhaps I could take the boy to this… classroom he has to go to?" Masahide-san suggests, kinda hesitating.
"As much as I'd like to accept your offer, I am the one tasked with watching over him," She said as firm as always.
"However, your Father is now calling for you. You've made his situation clear. I will merely accompany him to this room in your stead," And he insists.
She closes her eyes, thinking for a while, "Very well, I accept your offer. Remember that he is under our protection, Masahide-san," He nods, then she looks at me, "Do work hard on your afternoon classes, Takeru. I shall go for you at the usual time."
I nod, slowly, and she goes away I wave at her, but she doesn't even turn back. Pouting a bit, furrowing my brows, I just keep watching her back until she takes a turn.
…
"Well, shall we go to this classroom, Takeru-kun? Do you know where it is?" He asks, coming closer.
"Yeah…" Turning around, my feet drag themselves in the direction of the classroom, "Say Masahide-san, is it hard to be a samurai?"
"Huh? Well… It is not an easy job, that is true," He nods once, sounding serious, "Why do you wish to join the Royal Guard, Takeru-kun?"
"I want to be like Dad. And if I don't…" Looking down, I feel a cold shiver as I thought about what would happen then.
"What is it?"
"Well… I won't be able to be with Maya-nee anymore."
"You truly do like her much, it seems."
"Of course I do! Why are you so mean to Maya-nee?"
"Haha, forgive me. It is just that I am accustomed to how she used to be. It is a surprise to see her in this new light, that is all. By the way Takeru-kun, what are you going to be doing now?"
"I have physics and then… I think it was another history class?"
"So, you're being instructed. I assume you do know how harsh the training will be for you if you do join the Royal Guard's Training Program?"
"Yeah, Maya-nee has been telling me that I shouldn't worry and stuff. Masahide-san, how did Dad become a samurai?"
"…I don't really know. When I joined the Guard he was already a member of the squad I was assigned to."
"Uuh…" Just when I thought I could get a hint or something… "So, um, what do you do with the samurai?"
"Me? Well, I also am a pilot as your father was. However…" Looking kinda sad, he starts to slow down, "due to my station, I've quite the number of burdens on my shoulders."
"What does that mean? Are you in trouble?"
"No, nothing of the sort. What I meant to say is that, since I returned from the frontlines, and I'm the only son of the Head of my House, many people are expecting much from me now and… well, it is exhausting at times," He sighs, as heavy as Maya-nee has been doing lately, getting more and more sad as he rubs one of his arms.
"So you're like the Yuuhi of your house?"
"Eh…" Saying nothing, leaving his mouth open, looks like a cat after a thunder, "Takeru-kun, are you acquainted with Yuuhi-sama?"
"Well… Yes, we're friends," Looking down, then stealing a gaze at him, Masahide-san doesn't seem angry like the others. So he's just surprised?
"What in blazes… However, you truly are friends with her?"
"Yeah, we play together on the weekends. Why? Is it weird?"
"Shocking more than anything, to be honest," Crossing his arms, he sighs while arching a brow, "I suppose she must cherish you much for you to be allowed to use her name in such fashion. You're truly one surprise after another."
But I always called her like that… What's so weird about it? It's her name. Adults are so weird sometimes.
"But, in the end, are you something like her for your house?"
"Well yes, something of the sort," Smiling again, he chuckled a bit more, "Because of that, both my family and fellows are placing many expectations on me, so… I do understand how arduous your days must be, trying to appease such insurmountable exigencies," Clouding all over, he again rubbed his arm.
"Does your arm hurt?"
"Huh? Oh…" Chuckling as he saw his hand, again he smiled at me, "No, I'm merely bracing for the coming duels that will assuredly be requested of me."
"Why do you have to fight? Did someone sent you a challenge?"
"In a way, yes. You see, my older sister is very dedicated to her kendo lessons so…" Again looking a bit sad, and scared, a hand goes to scratch his ear, "I'm convinced she'll request many duels from me in these days."
"I see… So the samurais have to fight in many duels, huh."
"Well, while that isn't untrue, in my case it is more of a… family custom, to be honest."
As I asked him why, he told me that since he was part of the Shinpan, who are apparently the red samurais, the other samurais are expecting much from him. And because of that, it seems his sister is really motivated to be a good samurai and also pushes him to do his best too. Even if she seems kinda scary, considering how blue his face looks when speaking of her. I wonder if that's why Maya-nee is also tired, since she's also a red samurai.
But maybe… He hasn't gotten mad, and is talking to me without a problem. Maybe… Could he give me just a little help? "Um… Can I ask you something about my training?"
"Of course, what would it be?"
"Um, well, Kazora-san says that just making effort isn't enough, that I need to be calm and stuff to truly learn how to be a good samurai… But I don't really understand that well. How can I get better?"
"Hmm… So you're also familiar with Kazora-sama, huh?" He sounds calmly surprised, to call it something, as he stares at me.
"He doesn't really like me much," Can't help but to puff my cheeks, remembering the lessons at the dojo.
"I suppose you should start with the code. Also, managing your time is of essence."
"Managing… my time?" Tilting me head, I stare at him.
"I meant knowing how much time you dedicate to each subject. How are you studying as of now?"
We kept talking as we went to the classroom, as I told him of what I saw so far on my classes. He recommended me to not stay up until late, to properly use my time instead of exhausting myself, as well as other pointers about math. Despite how I'm talking normally, he doesn't seem offended or anything.
When we arrived at the room, no one was there. We kept talking as I showed Masahide-san my exercises and what I was reading now, but no one came to the room as the minutes passed.
"Perhaps something happened to your instructor?" He suggests, looking at the clock that's on the wall.
"It's weird. They're always here when I come back from lunch," I mean, twenty minutes passed since the hour when the classes usually start here.
What happened now? Maybe… they don't wanna teach me anymore? B-Because I'm bad?
Then, he patted the books, giving me a smile, "Well… I am no expert but I do know how this works. Until your teacher comes back, what do you say I aid you in your homework?"
"Really?!"
"I have not been called to a meeting yet, so I can assist you for a moment if you so wish."
"Thanks a lot, Masahide-san!" Getting closer, I shake his hands with much impulse, making him chuckle a bit.
Finally having someone to talk with, I quickly sit by his side and we begin to study. Masahide-san could give me new, more clear explanations on what I should try to do, even on those dumb subjects that I don't get well. As the minutes passed, he also gave me some advice on my writing, and how I approach my homework. Just as we finished part of what I had to see today, as I was getting a bit tired, he instead closed to books and began asking me questions.
"So, are you also being trained in the way of the sword, Takeru?"
"Oh, yeah. I go to the dojo after my classes are over. Kazora-san is the one who fights with me but…"
"But?"
"He always wins and doesn't give me any advice," Once more, can't help but to pout, "He keeps repeating that weird code, how I have to be calm and all to really learn, but he doesn't tell me what I'm doing wrong," Then, I bury my chin onto my arms.
"I see. What do you think of the code, Takeru?" He asks, curiously.
"Hmm… It's really weird. It says I can't be scared, angry or anything. That I have to stay calm and meditate. But it also says I have to hug death. I don't like that part."
"Well… Perhaps one could… understand the code in another way." Eyes closed, his tone changed a bit, getting slow and a bit hesitant, as he thought.
"Hm? How?"
"For example… Fear and passion are usually regarded as negative characteristics, however, it is due to them that one can surpass oneself. While remaining in control of one's feelings, by silencing all internal turmoil, would let you focus, it also… binds you, in a way."
"Um… What does turmoil means?"
"It means your mind becomes stirred, distraught. Let me give you an example. Normally, a pond looks to be calm, doesn't it?" I nod, "However, if the fish that live in it start to swim and try to eat each other, the water will be filled with ripples, would it not?"
"Being all messy on the inside… Is that what this internal turmoil means?"
He then nods, seeming happy, "Yes, that is precisely what it means. So… Ahem… What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to force yourself to always being calm and focused. While being aware of one's feelings is important, it is a hard state to reach and even more to remain in. But that doesn't mean you cannot be upset from time to time. If you never express your thoughts, in time that will cause grave harm to you. At least, that's what I believe."
"Ooh… So I have to try to be calm, but not all the time. Enough to not get angry, right?"
"Something of the sort, yes. And regarding the 'hug to death' part… It does not mean you should rejoice in death. Sometimes…"
"Sacrifices and stuff, I know," I again pout.
"Well… Precisely," And he again nods, sighing this time.
"Masahide-san, why is the last part of the poem so sad?"
"Sad? I do not think it is particularly saddening," He rose a brow as he looked my way.
Then I try to explain to him, with my words and gestures, what I think of these last lines. How they're telling me I'm weak because I get afraid and angry, that I can't have dreams because a samurai is but a servant, that I can't ever doubt, and that it's alright for people to 'go away' or die. Masahide-san folds his arms, his eyes almost closing, as he thinks on what I said. Seeming to be lost in thought for a moment, when he looks back at me he wasn't angry or anything. Narrowing his thick brows, he nodded before speaking up in a serious tone.
"Well… I think that feeling fear and being controlled by it are different states of mind. The second one is what the code tells you to beware, but it is only human to feel fear Takeru-kun. You shouldn't fear death, but that does not equal you not caring about yours or your fellows' lives."
"But Kazora-san says I can't be afraid or I'll end up failing."
"You shouldn't act on your fear, but it isn't a sin to be afraid," He says, smiling at me, "The same goes for passion and anger. You surely will become upset at times, but you shouldn't act on the impulse. At those times is when you should calm down, clear your mind."
"So… I'm not bad for being afraid or getting angry?"
"But of course not. Kazora-sama's words most probably mean that you need to be ready for when… it's time to part ways with someone, but it doesn't mean that life doesn't matter," Sighing a bit heavily, he leans back on the chair, "Perhaps he sees how easily you fall prey to emotion and is only enforcing this teaching to aid you solve this problem of yours."
Crossing my arms, I groan a bit, "Well, I know I shouldn't get so angry… But Kazora-san said that one servant's life is nothing compared to the Empire. I think that's really sad."
Seeming to agree with me while grimacing, he nods, "…He is right, however. One person is nothing compared to the Empire, but the Empire is made up of all those individual people. It is a complex matter to explain but… You shouldn't let selfishness bind you, everyone is as important as the rest."
"Hmm…" I rest my head on the table, groaning a bit, trying to understand, "So, the samurai have to protect everyone?"
"They try to. That line means that you need to be ready to sacrifice your own time to protect and serve everyone else. To fight to the last breath for those you love, those you wish to safeguard, that is the ultimate duty of a warrior."
"Um… Did Dad believe in that last line too?" I look at him, unable to stop my hands from shaking a bit. Did he really… think something so sad was right?
"…I suppose he did, because he fought to the end to make sure you would remain safe. However, you shouldn't overthink this. In time, you will reach your own answer, Takeru-kun."
"Really? But I don't have much time. If I don't convince them soon, I'll never be a samurai."
"Even so, you will remain here in the house. You do not have to force yourself to join the Royal Guard."
"Mmgh… But I wanna be a samurai. I won't be able to stay with Maya-nee if I'm not."
He then closed his eyes for a moment, arms crossed again. After a moment of silence, he looked at me, "Takeru-kun, what is the subject you're having the most trouble with?"
"Hm? Math and history. And I still haven't won a single duel in the dojo." Sulking a bit, can't help but to be sour as lemons.
"Well, let's review some of those lessons in the mean time."
"Eh?! But… But, what if the teachers come in the middle? Aren't you busy?"
Then, he smiles, "Let's make a deal, then. If you manage to surpass some of the exercises, I shall try to give you some pointers regarding your Kendo efforts. Does that seem like a fair deal to you?"
"Really?! Then, I'll do my best," Raising both of my fists, I nod fast twice. If he's willing to help me… then I just gotta do it!
"Then, let's begin. I might be called to a meeting, so let us not waste time," We nod at each other, opening the books again.
Around an hour later…
"Might I ask why you take such an aggressive form?"
"This is how Maya-nee fights so I wanna be like her," I answer, getting out of the stance.
"I see… Sadly, I am a user of our customary style so I do not know how Maya-sama's could be enhanced. Perhaps you could try different stances until you find one you are comfortable with? Is there any step in your stride that you have trouble with?"
"I can't even hit Kazora-san. I have to at least do that once, he said that only then he'll accept me to be a samurai."
Masahide-san groans, making a rather pained face, "Well, as I said before, managing your steps is crucial. Remember that the blade is meant to deal lethal damage regardless of the strength of your swings, so you do not need to put so much force into them. Your leg work is what you should focus on to ingrain the basics as good as you can."
"…Why do you all speak so weird?"
"What I meant to say is, focus on your steps and on how you move first. Your posture is what you should polish first," He remarks, and I smile back.
Then, the door opened and Maya-nee entered the room. She looks slightly troubled, her brows are a bit arched.
"…As I thought, you remained by his side. Masahide-san, has Takeru given you any troubles?"
"Why, of course not," He replies with another smile, "I merely remained by his side since I wasn't called back."
"Maya-nee, what happened to the teacher?" Once I get closer, she ruffles my hair.
Her eyes look at me for a second before answering, looking kinda tired, "Nothing you should concern yourself with. Your next class shall begin shortly, so prepare your textbooks," She then looks up towards him, tapping her glasses, "Masahide-san, Yohime-sama is calling for you. Please follow me."
"I see. Well, it is time for me to leave. This was a fun studying session. Goodbye, Takeru-kun," He came closer, offering me his hand.
"No, I don't like goodbyes," Pouting, I got closer, "Since we're gonna see each other again, it's 'See you later'." I then gave him a short, but firm, handshake, and he returned it.
"I see… See you later, then. Good luck in your training from now on. If I ever visit the house again, I'll come see how you're faring."
"Thanks for helping me today, Masahide-san. Good luck to you too!" Smiling widely at him, then he ended our handshake and went to the door.
Maya-nee told me to sit down and then the teacher entered the room, who then bowed down to both of them. Waving at them, Masahide-san waved back with another smile as he left, as Maya-nee also did before closing the door.