Chapter 55: Lupine Seed
June 3rd. Near 9 PM.
(Koubuin House. Rear Gardens.)
[Native Takeru]
"Takeru-kun… Takeru-kun, wake up."
A faint voice whispers, something shakes my back a bit. Rustling my shoulders, my arms close up on me yet I don't find my sheets.
"Mmgh…" A cold wind blows, did I leave the window open?
"Takeru-kun, you have to wake up. Can you hear me?" The voice gets a bit louder, it feels as if it were lifting me off my bed.
"Ugh… Mmgh…" Five more minutes, Maya-nee… Why did she took my sheets off anyways?
A few fingers reach my cheek, pinching it softly. They're not cold, they don't stop pulling. Blinking a few times, yawning hard, my blurry gaze falls towards the person that was near.
"Good night, Takeru-kun," Masahide-san says with a smile.
"Masa… hide-san?" Huh… So he came to wake me up today… Wait, what? "…EH?! What are you doing here, Masahide-san?" And why is he wearing one of those old styled dresses, too? It's all in a strong red and white, unlike his samurai dress.
"That's my question. What were you doing sleeping on the garden?" Giving me a worried gaze, he helps me sit down.
"Sleeping?" I then look around, at the garden in the back, "Oh… Ahaha… I… came to watch the stars and then… I just closed my eyes for a second," Scratching my head slowly, looking down, I avoid his gaze. I don't even remember when I fell asleep.
"Sigh… You should be more careful. Had I not found you, it is quite probable that you would have fallen sick," He stood up slowly, offering me a hand, "So, where is your room?"
But then, I remained on the ground. Even if I go back there… it's all the same. I rather watch the stars for a while longer.
"…Is everything okay, Takeru-kun?" He asks, again with a worried gaze.
"…I don't wanna go back yet."
"What are you saying? Are you not feeling well?"
"No, but…"
"…Did something happen?" He sits back by my side, looking up to the stars.
Rubbing my eyes as I try not to yawn, bringing my legs closer, hugging my knees, a cold shiver goes down my back, and not because of the wind, "Well… I don't know."
"How do you mean? Did Maya-sama get upset at you?"
"I don't know," Couldn't help it and my voice creaked a bit.
"…Can you tell me what happened?" He looks at me for a moment, but I look down.
…Because he might say the same as the rest, since he's a red samurai. Again with the screams, with the mean gazes, saying I'm…
"Masahide-san, do you… think I'm a stranger?"
"Huh? Why would I?" Sounding surprised, he was raising a brow, "I know who you are, and you are the son of a fellow. You're no stranger, Takeru-kun."
"…Really?"
"Indeed. What has caused you to ask such a thing?"
"Well… Kazora-san says I'm like a stranger here, since I don't come from a samurai family and I'm too rude."
"Oh, I see…" Closing his eyes as he nods, seeming to understand why, I couldn't help but to feel a needle on my heart, "Then, are you still wishing to remain here?" Giving me a through gaze, he seemed a bit worried again.
"Yeah… I wanna be a samurai, I don't wanna give up yet. Masahide-san, was Dad also a stranger when he came here?"
He then grimaces, looking up, "…I believe he was treated as one, at first. Some of his fellows weren't… very welcoming towards 1st Lt. Shirogane," Sounding really sad, but then his gaze shone again as usual, "However, your father remained undaunted at the challenge. Never returned the words of those who saw him as a stranger, never did that affect his performance in the slightest. Your father… truly was a most amicable fellow," Slowly, a smile appeared in his face.
We both looked up at the stars in silence for a moment. But if Dad could do that… "Then… D-Do you think I could be like that too?"
"Why would you not?" He answers immediately, giving me a puzzled stare, "I was under the impression Yohime-sama allowed you to stay here, and you are being instructed under Maya-sama's care."
"Yeah… But… I think that I'm giving them trouble," My gaze falls to the ground, my fingers drawing circles on the grass.
"Have you argued with someone lately?"
"No, it's not that…"
"Then, whatever could be troubling you?"
"…You won't get mad?"
Raising a brow at first, he then nods, "I give you my word, I shan't become upset."
"You promise?" I stare, hugging my elbows really tight, but he nods with another smile.
Then, while still drawing circles on the grass, stealing glances at him, I tell Masahide-san of how my scores in the last tests weren't good at all, of how Maya-nee and Yohime-san seem to be more distant and in a bad mood lately, and of how today they left me in my room as if I were being scolded.
Sinking my chin onto my knees, another cold shiver runs down, "That's why… maybe I'm giving them trouble now, and… since I'm a stranger they might want me to go away soon."
"…I see, so that's what made you worry so," He didn't get upset, he made a rather sad face instead.
"Yeah… They're being weird. So, I came to see the stars for a while, to think on what I could do," Furrows my brows, puffing a single cheek, I give one punch to the grass, "But I couldn't find an answer… And then I fell asleep."
"…Then, does that mean that you would like to return to your prior house?"
"No!" Giving him a nasty stare, he flinches back a bit, "I don't wanna leave… but I don't wanna give Maya-nee and Yohime-san trouble."
Nodding as he coughed, he spoke up slowly again, "In that case, you'll have to redouble your efforts. Sadly, that is all you can do as of now. It would be truly a shame if you didn't reach your goals after all 1st Lt. Shirogane did for you."
"…Did Dad talk about me when he worked?"
"Hm? Well, not with everyone, but he did mention you much in his free time," Smiling again, relaxing onto the grass, he again looks to the stars, "He truly did his utmost effort to be better, thinking on your wellbeing. Which is why this conundrum is truly saddening, since there is no simple answer to your plight."
"…What does conun… what does that mean?"
"Oh, it is another word for situation in this case," Scratching a cheek, he gives me a nod, "Sadly, just as he did, you can only buckle down and push forward if you truly wish to become a model Royal Guard."
"I see…" Sigh… So there are no secrets or anything, it's all in how hard I try. But I've trying really hard all these days, "Masahide-san, how could I stop being a stranger?"
"Hm? Well… I suppose you should try to employ our words first. If you mend your manners, people will have less motives to seclude you."
"…I don't think I can talk as weird as that."
"Haha, it is a matter of creating a habit. Your father managed to be proper enough, despite never employing a speech as formal as mine," Giving me another small smile, he starts ruffling my hair, "If he could do so, I am sure you'll be able to as well."
"Really? You really believe that?"
"Yes, it might take some time but you will surely be able to improve so long as your efforts do not wane," He leaves his hand on my head for a moment, making a serious face as his tone also did, "Even if it might seem impossible as of now, you'll assuredly be able to grow more comfortable with our way of speech in time."
"But what if people still say I'm bad?" I know Kazora-san is kinda right, since I do tend to talk back without realizing, and my words aren't like theirs either, but… but I've been trying. He did say he knew I was trying, and he did give me some advice but…
"However, no one has been unnecessarily harsh towards you, right?"
"…But they're mean. I'm doing my best, and all they say is that I'm bad," Can't help but to pout, remembering how much Kazora-san goes in circles every time he lectures me.
Again ruffling my hair, his voice softens up, "I'm certain people here are only wishing for you to adapt faster, which is why they reiterate their lessons and double down on your sore points. Even I had to go through this at one point."
"Really?"
Chuckling, he moves his hand in circles, "Indeed. My initial kendo lessons were truly arduous for me, and I was also made to learn Keigo to its perfection," Still smiling, his eyes remain on me for a second, "Do not be discouraged, you're certainly on the right path."
"…Thank you, Masahide-san. But… Do you think I can be a samurai?"
"Why wouldn't you be able to? Are you still having trouble studying?"
"Well, that too… But I still haven't won at the dojo, and Mion and Shion seem so strong… I don't know what else to do."
"Have you been minding your steps as I recommended?"
"Yeah, but I can't win. If I stay defending, they start attacking me really fast and I lose. If I attack, they always take that step back and try to knock my sword away. And Kazora-san said I have to start dueling with them seriously… But I don't know what to do." Can't help but to puff my cheeks, hugging my knees really tight again.
Masahide-san then closes his eyes, beginning to groan really hard. Lost in thought for a long while, his arms crossing a bit, a lone finger went up and down that weird spike he has on his hair. Then, he suddenly smiled.
"…Takeru-kun, you liked folktales, if I recall correctly?"
"Oh, yeah. But they're all very weird."
"Haha, is that so? So, do you know of the tale of the duel between Masamune and Muramasa?"
"Hmm… Oh! Those were the names of some legendary swords, right?"
"Of the forgers of said swords. Do you know the tale of their duel?"
"No, I didn't knew they dueled. So, which one won?"
"Well… It depends on your point of view."
"Huh? What does that mean?"
"Well, allow me to tell you the story of how Masamune and Muramasa had a duel to see which one's sword was the finer one. The tale goes as such," And so, he begins to narrate the story
"They both went to a river, and prepared themselves to slash its surface with one of the swords they themselves had forged. Muramasa's blade cleaved through the riverbed, slicing water, boulder, and fish alike in one fell swing, sending them crashing to each side. It is said the mountain from where said river had been born was also made to suffer the brunt of the attack. A testament of the blade's sharp edge and violent prowess.
Yet, when it was time for Masamune to attack, his slash did a much calmer slice. The water parted calmly to each side and the boulders were also splintered. However, the fish within the stream were left unharmed in their stride. That was not only due to Masamune's self control, but due to the nature of his blade. For it was not meant to be a destructive weapon, but one made to protect others. Only destroying its target and harming nothing else, with clear precision."
Coughing once, he leaves the silence hanging for a second, "…So, which one do you think won the duel, Takeru-kun?"
"Hmm… I mean, Muramasa's blade is the more powerful one, right?"
"Indeed, that would be the case."
"Hmm… But, Kazora-san says the samurais have to protect the people. Then, that means they need a sword that doesn't harm everyone, right?"
"Well, that could also be the case. So, which one do you think is the victor?"
"…I don't know," He starts chuckling, I pout back, "Don't laugh! Which one did win?"
"Well, it depends on who you ask. Different sources cite different outcomes to the duel. However, the worth of the tale isn't in it's resolution," Covering his mouth as he coughed again, no longer smiling, he got all serious and I gulped nervously as he stared, "Look Takeru-kun, there will be times where you will have to be like the Muramasa. Cleaving through everything in your way, no matter what stands before you. At other times, you will need to employ the moderation of the Masamune and remain serene and at peace."
"This is just like what Kazora-san tells me. I already know that," Sourly pouting, I look away.
"Yes, I remember. However, there will also be times where you will have to be both at the same time."
"Huh? Both?"
"Indeed. There will be times where… people won't listen to you, no matter what words you employ," Looking down, this time he grimaced really, really hard, his voice crumbling for a second, "At some point, you will be faced with a dilemma that cannot be solved by serenity nor aggressiveness on their own. Then, when faced with such a situation, you will have to be as fierce as the Muramasa but as calm as the Masamune,"
"…I don't get it," Why do they always have to speak in riddles? How could I be both calm and angry at the same time?
"In your case, you need to learn to be polite and proper, but without losing heart at the adversity," Patting my head, he comes back to a calmer tone, "Even if you are a 'stranger' for many as of now, you should remain as determined as you were, but ignoring their words. You need to tackle what is giving you the most trouble with all your might, without letting it ruin what's around you.
"So… I need to slash the mountain in half without harming the fish on the river?"
"Pfft… Ahaha! Yes, indeed. That is precisely it," Still chuckling, he nods, "Keep doing your best, but without falling to anger. Keep being as you are, but using more polite words every day. When you feel exhaustion setting on, don't push yourself and rest well. In the dojo, try to remain on the offensive but without compromising your steps, without giving anyone an opening to strike your blade away. I believe Maya-sama's style was based on such a principle. The best defense is a great offense."
"Oh, she did say that once."
I think she did, with that weird poem she once told to Shion. How was it? Uh… The advice to move better… It was… Striking like a waterfall or something, right? Um… Yeah, it was 'attack like an unending waterfall', I think.
"So, I have to attack without lowering my defense, right?" He smiles, nodding a few times. Seems like I got it right.
"Indeed. However, the road that awaits you is truly a perilous one," Staring at me, he remarked in a scary tone, "If you wish to become a Royal Guard, you will need to learn to not react to the mean words many will say, and you will need to get used to such level of study. And that will take time."
"But I don't have time."
"That is not true. You still have a month at your disposal, do you not?"
"Well… Yeah. But Kazora-san said I need to show results now, that I can't wait until the end of the month."
Sighing really hard, he pats my shoulder, "Then, focus on what you can do now. If you begin to think that you're going to fail, all you'll achieve is decrease your morale."
"But I don't know how to get better. I'm trying hard to learn more… but everything is still so complicated."
"Hmm… Oh, I know. I will have to stay in the House for the time being so, would you like me to aid you in your studies during my free time?"
"Eh? Really? I won't be bothering you?"
"Of course not, it could also be a way to relax for me. Perhaps, we could read some books together after we are done with this studying sessions?"
"Really? Thanks a lot, Masahide-san! But… Are you sure? I'm not bothering you?"
Then, he again pets my head, "You're no bother, Takeru-kun. I'm the one offering so, would you welcome my help?"
"Yeah! Thanks a lot, Masahide-san!" Then I leap forward, giving him a hug.
"C-Come on, you do not need to shout."
"Oh, sorry. But thank you very much, really," Slowly letting him go, I give him a bow and a bright smile, "Your explanations were more clear than Maya-nee's, so please come study with me if you can."
"Is that so? Are Maya-sama's methods hard for you?"
"No, it's not that…" Crossing my arms, I furrow my brows, "Maya-nee speaks really weird sometimes, and always tells me to do things in one way. Your advice was easier to understand, and you tried to explain things in different ways when I didn't get something."
"I see… Didn't you ask Maya-sama to do that for you?"
"Yeah, I tried… but then she got mad, saying her teaching wasn't… flawed?" I tilt my head as I look at him. He nods at me, and I nod back, "So, she got really mad that I wanted to do something in a different way. I don't really get why, though."
"Sigh… I suppose she must want you to learn her way," Placing a hand on his head, he makes a troubled face for a moment, "Well, worry not for I shall come to aid you in the weekends. So, please do not lose heart from now on."
"Yeah, I'll keep doing my best! But, why are you coming here? Will you help Maya-nee with her work?"
"Something of the sort, yes. Now that some time has passed since my return from the frontlines, it is time for me to resume my duties… Sigh."
"Why are you sighing, too? By the way, why are you in this dress?"
"Well… I had an important meeting here tonight," He barely whispers out, sounding tired all of a sudden.
"Oh, is it that thing that got Maya-nee all nervous? Is that why you're dressed like the old people?"
"Yes, that would be it. However, was Maya-sama truly anxious today?"
"Yeah, she was in a rush since morning. Why?"
"No, it is merely surprising to hear. I believe I told you we both were trained together before, right?" I nod, he continues, "So, I'm not accustomed to seeing her troubled by any task."
"She never had bad grades?"
"By goodness, no. Maya-sama was one of the best of our generation. To think she would be troubled…"
"I see," Well, Maya-nee is awesome, "But, what kind of meeting did you have? Is it your birthday?"
"Oh… No, it isn't something as cheerful as that," Looking down, clouded by sadness, he sighs again, "You see, today a celebration was held to announce my proper return to my duties after having gone to fight."
"I see… So it was a party for important samurai?"
"Yes, indeed. It was like a welcome party, I suppose."
"And did it went well? Did you have fun?"
But then, grimacing again and really hard, he hunches over, "I do not truly know…
"…Why? Did you fight with someone?"
"Eh? Well… You truly are good at guessing, huh," Then, he chuckles a bit.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, your father once mentioned that despite your unassuming character you tend to be rather sharp when least expected."
"…I'm always doing my best, that's mean," Pouting, I give him a mean stare, which only makes him chuckle more.
"I'm certain that's the case. So, well… You see, I had a slight disagreement with someone, so I came here to clear my head for a moment."
"What happened?" To make him look so worried, for his voice to creak like a log throw in a fire…
"Sigh… Worry not, it is mine own problem."
"Why? You helped me out, why can't I lend you a hand?" Getting closer, I hold his stare, firmly as when I argue with Maya-nee over my homework.
Smiling a bit, moving slowly and with his eyes still clouded, he gave me a nod, "Thanks for caring. Well, do you know what the Head of a House is?"
"Um… Those were the leaders, right? Like Takahisa-san."
"Huh… So you also knew him."
"Yeah, he was really awesome. Did you fight with him against the monsters?"
Smiling brightly for a second, he nodded firmly, "Indeed, it was an honor to me," Serious, firm and… wistful, he looked up, "Well, the matter is, my parents are wishing for me to become the Head of my House."
"Eh?! But… Aren't you really young? Don't you have to be older and have a mustache to be a leader?"
"…Why a mustache in particular?"
"I mean, Kazora-san and Bazora-san sometimes cut their beards but never their mustaches. Aren't they kind of important?"
"…Ahaha, I suppose that for the elders they are, indeed," He keeps chuckling, ending in another sigh, "However, regardless of my age, it is a family custom. A new Head has to be appointed soon, and… well, many are wishing me to be the one to take the role."
"And why are you troubled about it? Aren't you a good samurai?"
"I'd like to believe I am… But, to become a Head, it is recommended to take a wife beforehand."
"So you have to form a family first?"
Eyes almost closing, very slowly he shakes his head, "It isn't like that in the slightest. I'm merely required to find a partner, nothing else."
"But… But you have to like the person you're with, right?"
"That… is it precisely, the core of this conundrum," Eyes closed for a moment, his voice froze all over, "You see, my parents are wishing for me to take someone in particular as my lady wife, and I'm, well, not entirely in agreement with them, is all."
"Do you hate that person?"
"No, nothing of the sort!" He says, a bit agitated, "It is nothing like that… I… do find that person most charming, truth be told."
"So you love her, then?"
His brows furrow a bit as he groans, "I cannot ascertain that, not entirely. While I am attracted to Kaori-sama… and I do admire some traits in her, the manner in which I'm being told to proceed is troubling me."
"…I don't get it. If you like her, what's the problem?"
"Hmm… How could I explain this to you?" Again groaning for a while, he fumes a bit, "Well, one could say that it isn't as if I'm choosing her, but as if the choice was being forced on me. Since I need a partner to be eligible for the position of Head of my House, I'm being somewhat pushed into taking Kaori-sama as my lady wife."
"But why do you not want to be with her?"
"That's not it. You see… Since many are being sort of mean towards her, she can't truly refuse," Sighing again, this time deeply and hunching over, his saddened eyes cannot look up, "Due to her being scared of the whispers of the rest, she didn't listen at all to my words when I tried to deflect the conversation or give her some reassurance. She firmly insisted on politely extending an invitation towards me as if I were her superior, and I could barely muster enough willpower to say I'd think about it," Sighing again, wincing as if he had a knife stuck on his chest as he ran a hand over his face, he finally looked up, "Which is why, if I go down this path as she is now, Kaori-sama… won't truly love me, she'd be choosing me out of fear, she'd remain docile to not upset me regardless of what I say. Oh, sorry. This must have gone over your head."
"So… Uh… The other samurais are being mean to her, and since she's scared that they'd get mad if she says no, you think she doesn't like you?"
He stares at me wide eyed for a second, "Well, precisely. However, there is little I can do to aid her. Furthermore, it is in my best interest to become engaged," Tugging at his dress, arms crosses tightly, he sighs once more, "Finding someone else with boons to rival hers will be impossible, and I do not wish to cause any further divisions in the Guard. So, well, I'm conflicted on the matter. Perhaps my parents are in the right and I should heed their advice, and merely accept this is what would be better for my future…"
"But… But that's horrible!" He twitches, seeming shocked, "She's gonna be sad if you act like the others, and then she'll really think you're like the bullies."
"Eh? Ah… I suppose…"
"You like her, right? Why don't you help her?"
"…I do admit I find her charming," His cheeks get a bit red as he looks away, running a hand over his hair, "However, it is also true I need to look over my House. And while I'd be elated to have a fine a woman as Kaori-sama as my lady, there is little I can do as of now for her. She didn't move from her stance when we talked moments before, after all."
"But you're helping me out. If she's a samurai, why can't you lend her a hand too?"
"…It isn't as if I didn't want to… However, what could I do? I'm still young, and have little to no influence here," Hunching over again, his whisper almost fades out, "How could I possibly aid Kaori-sama in her woes as I am without upsetting my parents?"
"What is Kaori-san having trouble with? Is she also bad at manners?"
"Haha… No, she's actually older than myself, and more talented than me in all honesty."
"Huh?! But… If she's so good, why do the others treat her badly?"
"Well… You could say her job is the simplest of them all. Kaori-sama is merely a patrol guard on the Castle your father and I worked at before, and take into account that both of us had more responsibilities at the time than those she has as of now," Getting all serious, and quite a bit angry, he fumes while nodding, "This makes others look down on her, and she has other…" He frowns for a second, seeming really angry, "troubling circumstances that make many speak grave unpleasantries behind her back."
Huh… So she's older but has a worse job than Masahide-san, and many speak badly of her… Oh, I know! This is like how some people are mean to Haruna-san back home, saying she has a bad job despite being older, how those bullies say mean things about me and Sumika in whispers, or how some teachers think they're better because they teach harder classes. I still remember how the history and chemistry teachers began fighting during the last cultural festival, one saying 'hard science' was better for our class theme than… philosophy, was it?
Hmm… So the samurais have mean bullies too, huh. Since Kaori-san has a job they think sucks, they are being mean to her. And since she's scared people will treat her worse, just like Sumika was when we met, she simply nods and says yes, afraid to make Masahide-san angry. Which is why Masahide-san is worried, he doesn't know if she really likes him because she's always saying yes. Just like how Sumika was when we met, she's too scared to be his friend openly.
But that means there's an easy solution to this problem!
"Then, all you have to do is being by her side. If she isn't alone anymore, the bullies won't be mean to her, right?"
"It isn't so simple. I'm in no position to aid her since I'll be staying here and she'd be in the Castle," Barely speaking again, his eyes again cloud over.
"But why can't she work with you here? Maya-nee seems really tired, so I'm sure she could use some more help."
"No, it isn't- A moment, working with me?"
"Yeah, why can't she work here? If she's really good, and Maya-nee or you need a hand, she could help you out. And you'd be helping her out that way too!" Just like how me and Sumika do when we help each other in the classes we have trouble with, and the same goes for when we work with Jouji and the others.
Looking up, mouth half open, he remains quiet for a while. Blinking really fast, his eyes widen like Mion's when she sees cake, "That… could actually work… However, I doubt my parents would agree… They already reprimanded me quite harshly for not gaining an affirmation, and in no way do I have the power to request her transfer on a whim…" And he deflates again.
"Why don't you ask Yohime-san, then? If she takes your side, everything will be fine, right?"
"However, were I to request such a thing out of her… I fear my parents won't take kindly to it, and there's the chance that she'd disagree too. I'd be out of place for me, to have the gall to make such a request."
"But… But Yohime-san really kind… And you would be asking this to help Kaori-san. If you do nothing, then what will happen to her?"
Eyes close up, as his heart seems to do too, "…I do not know. Perhaps I should merely accept my shortcomings and bring her under my wings. That may be the only choice I have left."
"But if you do that, everybody will still be mean to her!" Pulling his arm, he again seems shocked at my sudden yelling, "If you don't help her out, won't she think you see her like the rest? Won't she believe you're just another bully?!"
His face twists in fear, quickly looking away, "H-However, there isn't much I can do. Even if I try to speak with Yohime-sama…"
"But then she's gonna be really sad… Did you not say she couldn't refuse?"
"…Yes," Whispering it out, he weakly nods, "She has many reasons to accept and few to refuse."
"And if she says yes, she'd think you're like a bully, right?" He nods, eyes focused on the grass, "Then, what happens if a mean samurai talks with her?
His hands freeze, seems like he stopped breathing for a moment, "You mean… if someone else invites her to a meeting?"
"Well… You said she can't refuse, right? Can't the bullies force her to go along with them?" Just like those dumb kids tried to do with Sumika when I had just transferred, until I kicked them.
"Ah… I suppose…" Biting his lips, one of his hands shakes a bit as it rests on his stomach, "I suppose she'd have no choice but to agree… if they threaten her with spreading further unpleasantries were she to refuse."
"But you don't want that, right?" After a while, he nodded, "So, if you help each other out, then the mean samurais won't treat her badly again. She'd have a nice job and you'd have another friend! Then, you could ask her if she really wants to be with you."
"…Yes, I suppose you're right," He looks up, his voice regaining some impulse, the fog clearing away from his eyes once he nods, "If I could gain Yohime-sama's support, then this would be easy enough to deal with. Sigh…" But then, gloom blooms in his face again, "I wonder if I could have milady agree to this so suddenly, however…"
"Don't get all down, you won't make Kaori-san smile if you give up so easily!"
"Eh? Making her… smile?"
"Yeah, Dad told me that I had to try hard to make the people I like smile, to not give them trouble. You wanna make Kaori-san smile, right? Wasn't she gonna be your wife?"
"W-Well, that isn't set in stone yet… However, I do wish to aid her… and she is most charming whenever she smiles… Yet, to spawn even more discord within us…"
"You're already a samurai and a fellow, right? And… and… you fought the m-monsters and survived, right? So… So you can do this, I'm sure. Yohime-san wouldn't let people be mean to someone if she knew about it."
"Yes… I do think she'd agree, if I manage to present the matter tactfully enough. I suppose that, if I wish to bring a change to our fellowship, my veneer must remain strong. Sigh… I wonder if I can do this…"
"Come on!" Again pulling his arm really hard, I pout at him, "Dad told me that you gotta try hard for the people you care about the first time he was in the black dress. You're already a samurai, so people will hear you out. And you can actually help out… unlike me…" Letting go of his arm, I scratch my head for a second, "So you have to try at least. She must be feeling cold and lonely… You can't leave your wife all alone like that, Masahide-san!"
Then, he gags on air, seeming to stammer as his face gets more crimson than his dress, "T-That has not been decided yet."
"But you love her, right?"
"Well… I shan't deny that I do find her most attractive… yet I don't know if I can call this love," He folds his arms, looking away.
"You adults are so weird and complicated… You like her and want to help, right?"
"…I do admire her, besides my views of her figure. And yes, it doesn't sit right with me to remain idling, to simply prey upon her vulnerability… I suppose I do wish to bequeath a smile to her future if I could, regardless of how this affair of my House is resolved," Breathing in deeply, sighing really hard again, this time he smiles again, "Thanks, Takeru-kun. For reminding me what your father had taught me."
"Huh? What did Dad tell you?"
"About how he wished to keep you safe, to bestow a smile to your future," Ruffling my hair again, slower than before, a small ember was now in his eyes, "You're absolutely right. I may not hoist love towards her, but aiding Kaori-sama is something I desire to do, to bring forth a change in our fellowship. And I was allowing my insecurities to blind me once more… Thank you kindly, for reminding me of my own resolve."
"What is this about a change? Is this your new mission?"
"No, it is a personal goal of mine. Hmm… In your terms, I'd like to have the 'mean samurais' stop acting so harshly towards the rest. However, it is most disheartening to see many do not hear 'my' words and merely nod along to not upset me."
"And what about all that of being firm? On the weird code to not falter and all that?"
"Ahahaha… I suppose you've won this round," And again, he pats my head, "Indeed… I should act on mine own words as well. Little might be my power, yet I cannot surrender without struggling first."
"Yeah, do your best! I'm not giving up either, so you can't quit."
"Ahaha… Indeed, we cannot falter so easily. Well, I suppose I should be going to Yohime-sama posthaste. So, might I ask how did you come here on your own?"
"Eh…" Crap, he might get mad… And if he tells Yohime-san, she might instead. Scratching the back of my head, I look up to the stars, "W-Well… I opened the window and got out of my room, since I couldn't see the stars well from there."
"Sigh…" Smiling again, he slowly shakes his head, "You should return before Maya-sama notices you're gone."
"Yeah… It is getting cold, too."
He smiles as he offers me a hand to stand up, and once I do I dust my pants off as he does to his dress. Then, I heard some footsteps getting closer. Looking at the wooden steps and hallway that were close by, I saw a rather tall woman coming closer.
She descended the wooden steps into the garden, and her eyes widened as she us. Dressed in a cerulean kimono, with lily hair like Yohime-san's but with sharp spikes on the sides like Masahide-san's one, her purple eyes worriedly scanned him up and down as she hurried closer, shrugging her lips really tight.
"…Masahide? Whatever are you doing there?" She says, sounding both angry and worried.
"Sigh… I am merely resting," His voice lost all energy, now he was rubbing his forehead as he placed himself between me and the woman.
"Masahide-san, who is she?" I peek at her from behind him, waving a hand towards her when our eyes met.
"What on the Heavens is a peasant doing in the gardens?" She frowned really hard, giving me the evil eye, her tone cold and harsh like the other mean samurais I sometimes see in the hallways. I see… So she thinks I'm a stranger…
"Sister, I suppose you were sent to take me back to the hall? Let us go," He says, now sounding a bit upset, as he took a step forward.
"Eh? Ah, indeed," And she immediately agreed, nodding. But then, she gave me another mean glare, that I returned this time, "Allow me to tell you Kaori was looking for you, I believe it is imperative you gain confirmation for a meeting," She said, imposingly and firm, as she gave him a stare.
"Look Sister… I'd be wishing to deal with this matter on my own terms," He affirmed, holding his ground. She arched her brows, looking upset.
"What nonsense are you saying? Her eyes were clearly stuck to your back as you left the hall, and she even came to inquire with me about your whereabouts as I was on my way. Waste no more time, the chance you were awaiting is right in-"
"Don't be mean to Masahide-san! He just wants to help Kaori-san," I yell, giving her a mean look. He seems to twitch, she again frowns.
"…The gall… How dare you raise your voice at me…"
"Sister, please let it go. I am in a hurry as it is," He then grabbed my hand, a bit too tightly.
"Masahide-san, are you in trouble?" He said sister, so she's his family. But she's being really mean… Maybe she's one of the mean samurais.
"No, nothing of the sort. Now, we should return to your room," He then took some steps towards the small wooden stairs.
But she placed herself in front of him, locking her fire-filled eyes on me, "Wait a moment. You, child. Do you not know how to address your elders? Apologize this instant, or else."
W-What's with her? She was the one who started it… Seeing I was keeping quiet, she let out some air, her frown blooming into a scowl, the small embers turning into wildfire. Hiding behind Masahide-san, I looked down. Why? I just defended him…
"Sister, please. He's but a child."
"Nonsense. Why should you tolerate such disrespect?" Even her voice is a flamethrower, "No, why is a peasant even allowed to be in the gardens of the Koubuin House in the first place? We should report this to the patrols at once."
"…You will not do anything of the sort," His voice sounding really cold, her eyes seemed to widen for a moment, "The child was merely stargazing with me. That is all."
"Still… This should not go unpunished. To let their children roam freely on the Main House…" Her hands were sinking into her arms with too much force, once more she gave me another nasty glare, "It would set quite a foul precedent. The child has to be admonished for his mistake."
"I did nothing wrong. I just came to see the sky," I quickly retorted, and she again frowned.
"You shan't speak to me in such a way. Such disrespect… How dare you talk back to someone of my station… This shall be reported to-"
"Sister, that's quite enough. Move aside, I'll take him to his room."
"What? Are you suggesting to let this baseborn's defiance go unpunished? I am merely-"
"Sister…" Again, his voice got all cold, she seemed to flinch. For some reason, despite being taller than him, his sister doesn't want to make Masahide-san angry, "He is only a child. Please, do not let your temper flare up so," He pats my head, ruffling it again.
She then sighs, her gaze drifts away as she loses her tension, and the fire goes out, "…You're right, I shouldn't pay any mind to a baseborn's prattling," She nodded, he grimaced.
"I'm not a baseborn… whatever that means. My name is Takeru!"
"Takeru-kun, you shouldn't speak up in such a way," He asked, looking tense and worried, face full of wrinkles.
"But she's being mean. I didn't do anything to her," Puffing my cheeks, I give her another glare. I'm just trying to help you, but she hasn't stopped to talk badly to both of us.
"That might be so, but remember that you must not let words spur a reaction from you."
"Mmgh… But she started it," Sighing, he pets my head slowly.
"Hmph… How was this child raised to have such lacking manners?" The woman folded her arms, looking very angry, "This is why we shouldn't let the inductees bring their families to the Main House, they're nothing short of a hindrance, an unnecessary burden on our shoulders."
…Huh? A burden… I'm… a burden to the rest? But… But I've been trying…
"I'm not a burden! I'm doing my best to be good!"
"Pah! You're not even worth the air you breathe," Scowling, another fire blast roared in her eyes, "Someone like you has no place in this house."
"But… But…"
"Sister, that's quite enough. I'll return to the hall after taking him to his room, so let this matter rest." He firmly said, taking another step forward.
However, she rose her chin as she stared right at me with those eyes full of fire, exploding into a voice filled with smoke and embers, as if something were burning the inner parts of my ear, "What madness are you saying? It is clear that this is nothing short of a burden on our shoulders, to have to withstand the rudeness of the baseborns in our own houses. Such disrespect should not be tolerated, this coarse peasant has no place in the Koubuin Main House!"
…
I've no place here? But… But I've been trying… Yohime-san said I wasn't going to leave…
"Sister, you shall-
"Sniff… Hic… I… I'm not a burden…" Shaking as tears ran down my cheeks, my throat felt like it was closing and I began to choke.
"Takeru-kun, it's alright. Don't cry…" Masahide-san crouches by my side, wiping my tears and running a hand over my cheek.
"Oh, and now he begins to cry…" She said, in that same angry tone, "Sigh… This is why commoners shouldn't be here, he's nothing but an eyesore to us."
Ugh… That's not true… I've been… trying… Hic…
"Sister, that's enough!"
"W-What… Why are you this adusted towards me? The boy is just a peasant's child, I only reprimanded him as anyone would. He should not be here, that is all."
"Why are you so mean with me?! I didn't do anything bad to you!" I wail amidst my tears, only to see another frown, only to hear another harsh shout from her.
"You are a commoner, someone like you has nothing to offer to our fellowship. I believe you should be leaving this house as soon as you're able."
"Sister!" He shouted, sounding really, really angry, she just folded her arms, seeming puzzled.
"What? He's inconveniencing both of us, and I highly doubt such a coarse baseborn is actually part of our fellowship. He has nothing to bestow the Koubuin House, therefore he should be taking his leave posthaste," And again, she gave me a nasty glare.
"I… I don't wanna go away…" Crying again, I hugged my sides.
"Takeru-kun, it's alright. Don't cry anymore, please," He ruffled my hair, and I hugged his arm, fleeing from her mean gaze as I cried.
"…Why are you looking at me in such a way?" She asked, as if puzzled, "What are you upset about, Masahide?"
"That's enough. I'll go to the hall later. Leave."
"What are you saying? Father sent me to-"
"Sister, could you kindly leave? You've done enough already."
But… But now they're arguing… because I was here. If I hadn't… then this wouldn't have happened…
She remained firmly in place as they argued, and Masahide-san kept ruffling my hair as I calmed down, but then another set of footsteps seemed to be coming closer. Looking at the hallway, my heart froze when I saw Maya-nee approaching us.
She's gonna scold me… She told me I couldn't get out of my room… She's… gonna scream again… Ugh… Hic…
As she got closer, I hid behind Masahide-san while he stopped arguing with his sister.
"Oh, so you already found… What is going here?" She asked, seeming to be looking at both of them.
Masahide-san's sister then sighs and sends a hand to one of her spikes, looking towards Maya-nee, "A coarse peasant boy was in the gardens, and I admonished him when he disrespected me. Then, he began to cry… And Masahide is trying to calm the boy down."
"A… peasant, you say?"
She sounds… upset. Masahide-san moved away so that she could see me, and then… She frowned for a brief instant, returning to that cold glare she always used to have during our first days together. She's mad… She's mad at me…
"I see… Forgive the inconvenience, I shall be taking the boy to his room," She… didn't even call me by my surname…
"If I may Tsukuyomi, why is it allowed for inductees to bring their children to the Main House?" Masahide-san's sister asked, quite angrily, as she was folding her arms.
"…They are not. It was only due to the preparations needed for the meeting, since they would not have been able to pick them up from school otherwise," Maya-nee said as she tapped her glasses, not even looking at the woman.
"Takeru-kun, come on," Masahide-san released his arm from my hold, patting my back towards Maya-nee.
…I can't look up… She's gonna scream again… She must be so mad… I trembled and looked down, not wishing to move. I wanna dig a hole and hide, she's gonna tell Kazora-san and Yohime-san I was bad… T-They're gonna… Ugh… Sniff…
"The boy did nothing wrong, Maya-sama. Please, do not scold him," Masahide-san said as she got closer.
"Well, let's return to your room," She quickly and firmly grabbed my hand, keeping it in place. Twitching at the strength of her hold, she forced my feet to move as she stormed off.
Masahide-san waved at me when I looked back, giving me a smile, so I waved back softly with my free hand, only to have his sister scowl again as she sent me another glare.
"I apologize again for the inconvenience, Raiko-sama," Maya-nee gave her a small bow, "Please do not mention this to anyone, it was merely an oversight on our part. My sincerest apologies, the child meant no disrespect I am sure," The hold on my hand tightened.
So… She's taking her side… She's apologizing even when I didn't do anything wrong… So she thinks… the same…
"Sigh… Understood," The woman… Raiko-san calmed down and nodded, "The meeting was splendid, so I won't let a baseborn's misconduct ruin this night you prepared for Masahide. I shan't say a word," Maya-nee's lips seemed to twitch, but then she bowed in thankfulness.
Sniff… So that's what… she really thinks… She also thinks I'm a stranger…
…
She lied to me.
"Thank you kindly, Raiko-sama. I assure you, this shall not happen twice."
"So I expect. Had the Amato House remained as the retainers of the Koubuins, such a blunder would never have occurred," Raiko-san smiled for some reason, making Maya-nee's hand tighten again, "However, my lips are sealed. I shan't taint the splendid night you prepared for my lord, this baseborn won't ruin his celebration," And again, her words burned my ears, "However, why would such a lackluster peasant be allowed to mingle in the house? Who allowed this, if I might ask?"
"Please, it was only an oversight. I shall take responsibility for this, if it would appease you," Why is Maya-nee… speaking so humbly?
Wait… Is this what Kazora-san meant when he said they had to be on the lookout in case I made trouble? But… I didn't do anything… She was the one who started it, why do we have to apologize?
Then, Maya-nee looked at me, sharply, "Apologize to Raiko-sama for your rudeness."
"B-But… But she started-"
"Apologize, this instant," Her grip on my hand tightened, hurting my wrist.
"I-It hurts!"
"Maya-sama, please," Masahide-san comes closer, speaking slowly, "We both were merely stargazing, and Sister did lose her temper first."
"Pah! Anyone would have in front of such disrespect," She fires off, giving me another nasty glare.
"I see… However, apologies are in order," Tapping her glasses, she held my gaze.
Gulp… If I don't, then she's gonna get more pissed… but I didn't do anything wrong… Sniff… This isn't fair… But… But Raiko-san would be my fellow too, right? Mmgh… I can't make more trouble.
"…I'm sorry, Raiko-san."
"It is Amato-sama to you, baseborn. I do not recall allowing you to refer to me by name."
"W-Why are you so mean to me? I'm apologizing and all… Aren't we all fellows?" For some reason, Maya-nee again tightened her grip, her lips were twisting in as if she were biting them.
"You, my fellow?" Raiko-san grimaced as if she were smelling something rotten, then shook her head quite strongly, "You cannot possibly hoist our values with these dull manners, and in no way do I see someone of your kind to be able to bestow anything to our fellowship. You're not even worth the breath of my retort."
"Sister! That was uncalled for!" He yelled, fire finally coming to his eyes.
"What are you saying? What can he possibly do for our fellowship? Why is this baseborn child even here? If he cannot offer anything of worth with his service, then he has no place here, plain and simple."
"But… Hic… I've been trying my best to be a samurai…" Clawing at my palms, I tried to hold her gaze.
"That is a noble goal to aim for, for you to revere the Royal Guard since such an early age," She nodded, folding her arms, dulling the fire, "However, you clearly do not possess the minimal required manners to be a fellow, much less the intelligence to even be considered in the first place, going by your lexicon. This might sound harsh to your young ears, but mediocrity has no place in the Royal Guard. Regardless of your efforts, something that anyone can accomplish holds no value, and you do not seem particularly gifted at first glance. That would mean that you are only a burden on our shoulders. On that regard, milord, we should return to the hall posthaste. Let us waste no more time with this baseborn," She then gave Masahide-san a deep bow, remaining still as she waited his word.
"Sigh…" Frowning much, he looked away from her, bitterly biting his lips, "Takeru-kun, please do not take this to heart. Sister has no idea about how hard you're trying," He patted my shoulder, smiling my way, "You cannot give up before struggling to the end, right?"
"…Y-Yes… I'll do… my best… Sniff…" Rubbing the tears off my eyes, I manage to nod back, and he pats my head.
"Sigh… Why even give him false hopes?" Raiko-san shook her head, Masahide-san frowned at her, "However, I shall accept the apology, if only to not waste more time. Worry not Tsukuyomi, I shan't mention this little incident to anyone."
"…Thanks for understanding, Raiko-sama," She said, coldly and sharp, "The same for you, Masahide-san. Do forgive the inconvenience, and thank you kindly for understanding."
"There is no need, it is alright. Please, take him to his room. He surely wants to rest," He smiled back, and I waved back as Maya-nee took me away from the garden.
"And do make sure he doesn't inconvenience anyone for the night," Raiko-san added, to Masahide-san's anger.
However, Maya-nee bowed down to her and forced me to do the same before we took our leave. Raiko-san sighed hard and looked away, again trying to get Masahide-san to go with her, and they seemed to start arguing again as we left. Maya-nee pulled me harder, so I couldn't hear or see what was going on. Her steps got faster as we went into the house, and even more when she saw that nobody was nearby, yet her vice grip on my hand didn't ease up.
Storming away towards my room, the moonlight peers through the windows into the hallway. She wasn't even looking at me. Only our footsteps could be heard, and yet she didn't slow down, even when I almost tripped.
"…I'm sorry."
"I told you to stay in your room tonight, didn't I?" Sharp and dry, still not looking back.
Looking down, a few tears fall down and crash on the floor. It feels as if spikes were sticking to my feet with every step I take.
"…Are you mad?"
She then stops walking, and gives me a look, "Why did you not do as I told you?"
"I… I just wanted to go see the stars…"
"You were told you could not leave your room today. Why did you do that?"
"I just… Sorry."
"Sigh… Takeru, you cannot keep acting to your leisure. Do you even know how much trouble would have your argument with Raiko-sama caused us?"
"…But she started it. She got angry first…"
"That matters not, you kept arguing instead of apologizing," Frowning really hard, she sighs again, "You were lucky that she didn't wish to push for answers, however, you better not repeat this ever again. Are we clear?"
"…Am I… such a bother?"
"…When you don't listen, yes, you are."
"…Eh?…Really?"
She nods, her serious gaze peering into me, "You were told to not leave your room, and yet you did. It was obvious nothing good would have happened had someone found you. You still do not have a role, which is why other Royal Guards cannot learn of your situation. I've told you this many times already, haven't I?"
"But Yohime-san said I was a fellow…"
"Sigh… That might be in theory, but until you're given a role, the rest cannot interact with you. And Raiko-sama speaks the truth, even if she was unnecessarily harsh to you. If your manners do not improve, you won't become a Royal Guard. I've been telling you that since the start, right?"
"…But you said… Sniff… we would be like family…"
"Sigh… Please Takeru, do not start," Dragging me again, she stormed off towards my room, "I've would have been put in quite a precarious position should Raiko-sama have chosen to speak with her lord father. Surely you can start to do as you're told, can you not?" Sounding tired, she scolded me, her grip tight and her steps super fast, making me almost trip.
"…I'm sorry."
"If you're truly sorry, then do not ever do anything like this again. By the Holy Emperor… during such a crucial meeting as well…"
She kept grumbling, sighing, and groaning on the way, not even looking back, not even slowing down. We quickly arrived at my room, she opened the door in a flash and got me in there as she watched left and right to see if anyone was around. As if… I were some sort of unwanted guest…
"Well, I shall be returning to my duties. Do not leave this room again, are we clear?" Again giving me a firm, scary gaze, I could only nod.
"Um… Can't you stay for a while? I wanted to ask you something about-"
"I cannot. I told you I am busy already," Rubbing her forehead, she shook her head as another heavy sigh left her lips, "This meeting is not yet over, and I already lost enough time as it is. Stay put and do not give me more problems, Takeru."
"…Okay. But, um, about my dinne-"
Not even hearing me, she stepped outside and prepared to close the door, "I shall come for you at morning as always. Rest well so that you can perform up to par tomorrow, you have to make up for your prior results after all. And do not dwell on Raiko-sama's words, you will be given a role regardless of this month's endeavors. Sleep well, good night," And without waiting for my reply, without looking at me, she closed the door with a loud noise. Then, I could hear her storming off in a hurry.
…
And again, I'm all alone in my room.
Alone with the moonlight in these four walls.
I don't see any plate with food, so my dinner isn't here. If the other samurai had come, he would have noticed I was gone. So I'm gonna get my dinner later… right?
Sniff… Why was she so mad? Raiko-san started it… But… Maya-nee said… I give her problems… She's gonna tell Yohime-san… But more importantly…
"…She didn't even call me Shirogane in front of them… She didn't defend me… And just now… she said I would be given any role… So that m-means… Sniff… that she doesn't… believe in me…"
Burden. Trouble. Eyesore. Bother.
I get under my sheets, hugging my sides as a cold shiver cloaks over me.
Can't get good grades, can't speak well, can't give anything to whatever the fellowship is.
Tears fall down again, my chest hurts as if something was piking at my lungs.
And in the end… not even Maya-nee believes in me. She's going back to how she was when we first met… because the samurais are her real family. Raiko-san said I was a bother to Masahide-san, so my advice… was bad then. Since Maya-nee was so polite, does she agree with what Raiko-san said?
A mediocre baseborn… Is that what I am? Then… Why was Dad a samurai? Wait… Masahide-san said… he was treated badly… Is this how they were with him? Then… Then… Why were they nice until today?
Because… Dad paid them… because he hired Maya-nee to look after me… but being a fellow isn't the same… if I'm not good enough…
They're gonna make me go away, or send me to a distant role or something.
Rubbing my arms to counter the frozen feeling, as those mean words repeated over and over in my ears, I cried in silence as I waited for my dinner.
But it never came.
Maya-nee also didn't come with it, either.
Eventually, even the moonlight left the room.
And as I cried, I realized… that I was really left alone.
Dad and Mom are gone… Uncle Koetsu already said his goodbyes… First Kazora-san, and now even Maya-nee say I'm a bother…
"Ugh… Uuh…" The cold drills itself into my sides, my socks could be made out of ice and I wouldn't feel a difference.
No matter how much I hug my sheets, it doesn't go away.
No matter how much I try, those mean words keep repeating over and over.
I try to cry, but my throat hurts, feels dry and hoarse, and not a single sound comes out.
So I dug my face into my pillow and cried. Remembering Mom's dishes, her smile, her scoldings. Remembering Dad's tales of his work, the times when he read a lot of books with me, when we could get to play during the weekends.
…Remembering I'll never see them again, that I'm not a fellow here, that I'll be sent away any time, I cried myself to sleep, enduring the cold within the dark room.