Disclaimer -- I own nothing... not even my home... it's all JK Rowling's, who is one of the most creative people I have ever had the privilege to read...
Decisions and Home
Upon learning of the births from the Daily Prophet scoop, given to Lavender, by Remus and Sirius, the reporters harassed a pair of orderlies to get information on the siblings of two of the sorcerers. It took a combined force of Draco, Dudley, Lucius, Arthur, Mason, Remus, Harry, Ron, and Steven to forcibly removed the reporters from the hospital. Dudley had simply stood in the doorway and prevented any others from physically entering. Being a large muggle who was allowed in the Wizarding world certainly made for interesting gossip.
Sirius and Rowan summoned Alice, from the Children's hospital, to do a paternity test the morning before they were scheduled to leave. Sirius had asked the founders to be there, as well as Steven and Remus. The group watched as the blood drops from Sirius, and Rowan were put on the parchment. The babies' blood samples were added to the parchment. It was laid flat on her bed. Madison, sure of the results, performed the test.
The babies' blood sent their tendrils out to Sirius, Remus, and Rowan's blood. They were both the fathers of both babies. It did not matter how, the parchment did not lie. The babies carried all three of their blood. There was no doubt at that point that she had told the truth.
Madison looked from the parchment to her mother and without a word to anyone, walked out of the room to apparate back to New York. Draco made their apologies and left a few minutes later.
Several nights later, the new family of five entered the door connecting St. Mungo's and the Children's Hospital, where they left by Ministry car. When they arrived at the Cowan Estate, Rowan was pleased to see no one except two trusted house-elves waiting for them.
The second story master bedroom which Remus, Sirius and Rowan had shared now had a nursery. The single door to the sleeping children was close enough that the parents could enjoy being near them, without worrying about disturbing their sleep. The trip up the long staircase tired Rowan out. She entered the room and collapsed on the bed. Sirius and Remus lovingly bottle fed and changed the babies, preparing them for bed while Rowan watched.
The two men laid the babies in the crib and watched as Madeline held onto Mattix's arm as she sucked her pacifier.
The next morning, however, Sirius brought both babies to her to breastfeed. One of the men did everything else; when they were awake, they talked to and rocked them. When they cried, Sirius or Remus changed their diapers and put them in place to feed. One would take them from Rowan, and burp them. It was another three days before the potions she had to take were stopped and she felt as good as she looked. Still weak, Sirius lovingly helped her from bed and into a bathtub, where he washed her hair; when finished, he helped her up and dried her before helping her back to bed.
It was long into the morning before he returned to Rowan to talk. She was waiting for him, still tired, but better. When he finally walked back in the room, he stood without really approaching her. "Siri, can we talk for a bit?" Remus leaned against the doorway of the nursery watching and listening.
He eyed her for a moment. Part of him did want to yell, but the other part wanted to sweep her into his arms and thank her for coming home. He chose to sit on the bed without touching her. "I'm glad you came back."
"I wanted to sooner, but I was really sick. I swear; I did NOT know I was pregnant when I left here that night. I would not have left if I had known. I promise you that. I didn't find out until I was already in the hosp…Texas, then I was so sick, I was transferred into a Hospital in Dallas. I didn't have a way to contact you and Madison did not return any calls." She looked at him seriously. "I wanted to get back to you both. The doctor said I had to make that choice almost immediately whether to get here or stay in Texas and have the babies." She said reaching to touch his hand.
Sirius stood. Remus took a step forward to stop any type of physical action he might take, "You know what? I am angry because I didn't know where you were. I am even more pissed off because you were sick and no one told me. But I am so fucking hurt because, once again, you kept something important from me." His pain radiated through each word.
"I deserve that… but, the only defense I can offer is that I was sick as hell, mentally more so than physically. I was just so tired of not being able to see light even when I am running in the sunshine. I needed help that I couldn't get here. I'm sorry you couldn't help me. I needed more than sex or comfort. I needed to deal with the acts that I had no control over, let alone the ones over which I did have control. But I got really sick and in the hospital. As soon as I was released to travel, I came here."
He ducked his head and sighed. "We talked about contacting you, briefly, but after we talked the night you left, I knew I needed to just give you some space. Remus and I... well, we just took care of each other.
"Harry convinced me that if you wanted to leave, that you should be able to stay gone. The kids were busy with their honeymoons, and school, and saving the world's wizarding children, so it was easy to be distracted when someone mentioned you."
"I didn't know that. But honestly, Harry aside, it was me that left; it wasn't up to either of you to come find me. It was up to me to come back. Whether you forgave me or not, I had no intention of keeping the babies from you. They need to be reared here with or near you. I didn't come back because I thought that a child would or could heal us. I came back because they need to know their fathers. I took your children away once; I don't tend to make the same mistakes twice."
She laid her head on the pillow, tired, trying to keep her eyes open as she watched him soaking in the words. At forty-three years old, she never thought she would be starting over with babies, grandbabies maybe, but not babies.
"I don't know anything for sure right now Rowan; except I am head over heels in love with those two babies. So I am sure that you made the right decision to come back. I could not have forgiven you had you kept them from me or made me miss their birth because of a stupid fight months ago," she nodded, "But I will tell you this one HUGE thing…"
"What?"
"I am going to be a bastard about it too. Until I think you are stable enough to deal with the children, you will NOT be left alone with them. You have this habit of obsessing about things and not taking care of important items… I won't have you hurt one of the babies because you aren't mentally competent. Do you understand?"
"I agree, surprisingly enough. But you have to realize just how funny that sounds coming from you. If the any of the older kids were smart, they would take these babies from us both until we have psychiatric care. It's not just me. You aren't stable either. At least I tried to get help."
He ignored the slight on his mental capability, "And another thing, I am willing to forgive you anything. When you feel better, we will talk about what happened when you were taken. I need to know the whole story when we can discuss it. But, I can not and will not continue to forgive secrets that should are going to be dropped in my lap later. I need to know, right now, if there is anything else in your past that will be an issue later."
"No matter what you may think, I have NEVER hurt one of the children. So you owe me an apology for thinking I did or could."
"You are capable. My God Rowan! You hurt us all!" Remus remained silent through this exchange, not feeling as though this really involved him...yet.
"You all survived because of my insanity. Before the fight with Voldemort, the training and abilities they learned because of my insanity. You got out of the veil because of my driving them like the mad woman I am. But as far as hurt… I have NEVER intentionally hurt or neglected any child or even you."
"Maybe not neglect, but yes, you have hurt us all. Now, what other deep dark secrets are going to fall into my lap later that is going to make us have to start all over?"
She thought hard for a minute or two, "Gee, let me think. My magic is just gone. If either of you decide that you want to be with me, you'll be stuck with a Muggle. I have a temper from hell. I make rash decisions and they are not always the right ones. And, are you ready for it? I am in love with two men! I love both Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.
"I doubt that's enough, because I am not perfect and we don't have a great relationship; but if you love me, then maybe we can rear these children together. If you don't love me, then tell me and I will stay in England regardless and you will be a part of their lives, but I won't try to make a relationship with you. I am driven and insane at times. I hear voices in my head when I try to think too much about things, and those voices sound like my parents arguing," she shook her head for a minute to clear them, "yea, that about covers everything."
"Do the voices ever tell you what to do with me?" Sirius asked with a smile. Remus walked to them and rounded the bed to sit near her. She leaned into his embrace.
"Yeah, Dad says to kill you, bury you, and pretend you never existed. Mom tells him to shut up and for me to swallow my pride and keep my mouth shut more often." They all three snorted with laughter. "But the only voice that matters to me is the one in my heart. It tells me that I will always love you both and I should just get used to the idea and quit running from it."
"I like that one best." He reached to her body and held her close and within minutes she was drifting to sleep in his arms, feeling like the world could stop turning and she would be okay.
When the babies were a week days old, they found themselves dressed smartly in a pair of Osh Kosh B'Gosh Stiped Overalls and t-shirts with a soft pair of Nikes' each. Madeline's a pink and white set, while Mattix a denim blue and white striped set. Neither baby seemed to care what they wore as long as someone was holding them and telling them how perfect they were.
At the breakfast table downstairs; Rowan noted how odd it was to watch the little ones be passed around the table like a basket of biscuits as everyone had joined them. Dudley and Sarah had joined them for breakfast and were introduced to Rowan.
Sirius leaned to Rowan and asked what she was thinking. "I want a room on the ground floor until the children are a little older," he laughed at her words; "I didn't like watching you both carry the children down that long flight of stairs this morning. I was afraid if I had either of them, that I would drop them."
"Already done, I talked to the elves about it the day we got back. They transformed a room under the stairs and by the time breakfast is over, should have everything from our room and the nursery moved into it. Oh, and there are enchanted windows, so the little ones won't know any difference."
"Can I be impressed yet?" He nodded. "Can I kiss you yet?" He shook his head, but did grin as he reached out to hold her hand.
"Mom! I love her. You did so good." Mason said with a huge smile while staring into the eyes of his little sister. To see them, anyone else would have thought that she was his daughter. Her eyes, already a chocolate brown, stared intently back at him and her smile was absolutely infectious. He raised his face to look at his parents, "You should have done this years ago!"
"How's Mads?"
"She and Draco don't really communicate much. I think she's embarrassed after that little incident at the hospital when you went through that ridiculous test to please her. I get more information when I sleep than I do any other time. But she did write you a long letter that was delivered this morning. It's on your nightstand."
"Okay, then the elves will have probably moved it by now. I'll read it later. I wanted to apologize for the way I made my, our, appearance. I hadn't planned that. I expected to come back to England, come to the estate and talk to you all before I had the babies. I didn't expect to be a walking emergency."
Harry, who was holding Mattix, had to know. He asked the question that only Sirius had the answer to but about which everyone else was curious. "So, are you staying this time?"
"Yes, I am staying this time. These children deserve to know their parents and their brother and all their magic. Madison will be back at some point, and even if she still hates me, they deserve to know her too. Besides, Mrs. Black is dead. Anyone who wants to hurt them has to go through several rather powerful witches and wizards, so I can't see them being in bad situations. Besides, even if Remus, Sirius and I don't make our relationship work, they need their dads more than anyone but you could realize. True, Mason?"
"Yeah mom, it was tough growing up without a dad, but you were always there to do everything with us, it helped. I am glad you are staying this time. I… wanted to ask, but kinda thought it would offend you when I told you that you could go, but they're staying." He finished with a huge smile as Madeline sighed from the blankets.
"I'm glad you decided to come back, Rowan. Just for the record, I've missed you." Hermione told her leaning over Harry, trying to take the baby from him, who playfully pulled him just out of her reach, "I wish you hadn't holed up in your room for so long though, I wanted to," he finally relented and let her take Mattix from Harry's grasp, "do this!" She snuggled him in close.
Ron watched them smiling, "You want a baby?" Ron asked. She grinned and nodded. Rowan, Sirius' hand still stroking hers, watched the exchange. Her eyes left them briefly to find him looking at her. She knew she looked horrible, but better than she had when she was in the hospital. Their eyes connected for the briefest of moments before one of the babies cried. Her milk 'dropped' as soon as she heard it. Sirius stood and walked to his daughter, who was trying to throw a full scale fit.
"She's just like her mother; always wanting her way and letting the world know when she does," he told his son as he took his daughter from him. Mason noticed the huge grin on his face as he said the words though. The lines on Sirius' face had become more pronounced when his mom had left; aging at least a hundred years during that time, but now, Mason noted that his face was clearer than it had been. Yes, he was tired, but absolutely content. Even if his mother had not made the best choices in the past, it was obvious that she was making them now, and he was proud of her.
Sirius walked back to Rowan, handed her his perfect daughter, and she covered her body with a blanket and breastfed. However, as soon as Madeline was latched on properly, Mattix seemed to sense that he was being left out and started crying. Dutifully, Remus went to Hermione and took his perfect son out of her arms and returned to his lover. The group watched, enthralled, as Mattix latched on and covered with the blanket, which gave Rowan the illusion of her chest being horribly deformed and squirming. Fifteen minutes later, Madeline released with a sigh.
Sirius forgot that there were other people in the room as he took his daughter and danced with her while lightly tapping her on the back, and gently cooing in her ear. A resounding noise filled the air when she burped. Mason laughed loudly that she was definitely Madison's little sister.
The next small 'pop' was heard; but before Remus could take his son, Ginny rose, walked to Rowan, and silently asked if she could burp him. Rowan nodded, and without showing the rest of the table her chest, handed the little one to Ginny.
Watching as the beautiful redhead walked around the room talking to the baby and patting him on the back. Rowan recovered herself and began to eat breakfast with a gusto of which Ron was proud. Harry watched his wife with a sense of awe; knowing she would be an awesome parent, but having never seen her hold a newborn before. He suddenly was ready to start his family. He rose and danced slowly with her and the baby, moving in practiced unison, tapping him on the back and loving every minute of it.
Hermione asked the question that had bothered her for awhile; "Rowan, are you okay now? I mean, Madison and Draco said that you did a bit of… inpatient counseling."
"I was really getting help and dealing with…everything…when I got sick. But my therapists have agreed to come over and continue to see me… if you are worried about the babies, don't be. First of all, past feeding them, they have done everything for them. Neither have really left me alone with them. Second, Sirius has already informed me that I cannot be alone with them. Of course, I think that's just because he wants an excuse to have to be around them all the time. Don't worry, I'm not dangerous and I won't hurt them. If they both have to be somewhere, I have no doubt they will get a baby-sitter for me… If I get overwhelmed again, I promise to call one of you before it gets out of hand." Hermione nodded, a bit relieved.