Muv-Luv Reversal

by Zuoriel

Takeru has been leading a normal life until now. During the summer vacation of his second year in college he's invited by his high school friends to meet up again, to which he agrees. Shirogane doesn't know that this decision would release the nightmares that have been haunting him for some time, nightmares that would be better left forgotten.

62. Behind the Mask

Chapter 62: Behind the Mask

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December 2nd, near 3 PM.

(In the elevator.)

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"…I believe I had told you to keep your composure," the Vice Commander fires off as soon as the door closes up and they begin the descent.

Leaning on a corner, he closes his eyes as he hunches over, "I did what I had to do."

"Shirogane, we both know what could happen now that you reacted rather aggressively towards the guards," Swift and cold, she counters immediately, then sighs, "I'd like to believe you made a convincing enough act, yet I can't deny they might not stop in their attempts to ascertain your identity."

"…What are you getting at?" He asks, low, still looking down.

Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head, "Regardless of what they choose to do from now on, I can't have you growing emotional every time you go through a memory recovery. I do compliment your idea to use your rising displeasure at the last recovery session to push for answers and fish out their intentions, but in the end, you only delayed the inevitable. I don't know what you saw, but-"

"I didn't lose my cool. All I did was put up a front," Admitting it only serves to hollow his insides again, those echoes reappearing on the back of his head.

"…Wait, you were faking it?" Her curiosity piked, she stares right at him, unblinking.

"Not everything, no. But that's all I know to do, fake being upset when my back's against the wall," Shrugging, Takeru heaves a sigh.

It is very much alike to when the scientist left on his first experiences. Grin and bear it, keep a stoic mask as he argued with the new authorities, as he shielded his squadmates and young Yashiro from the hostilities born from ignorance. That's all he could do then to truly keep himself in check, to not end up contributing more problems to those he cared about. And it's all Takeru can afford to do now.

Shrugging as the scientist didn't release him from her gaze, he scratches the back of his head, "I did get pissed off for real once, but I managed to stay cool in the end. I know I can't place you in more problems, I'm not that stupid."

"I did not refer to you in that way," She states, gaze blazing up a bit, "So, care to enlighten me on what exactly were you aiming to do?"

"…Nothing much. Test the waters, see their reactions. Considering how I used to be, there's no way I'd have kept my temper in check after seeing… those memories."

Yuuko sighs, leaning against the wall on the opposite end of the elevator, "Well, the plan worked and they should have no other pretenses to be hostile to you. Still, it was a surprise to see you were right. You really think they erased you when you were little?"

"Sigh… Feels that way, at least," He admits, as Tsukuyomi's reaction to Takeru's words had only made the soldier more convinced of his suspicions, "I dunno why they had to do something like that but… I don't see him leading a good life after that night I saw," Softly biting his lower lip, his gaze crashes down further below. "I had thought Maya-san had grown attached to him, I had thought Yuuhi did earnestly favor him… But those other memories I saw must have been from before Mom and Dad died. And as soon as they saw this world's little me had no skills they could exploit…"

"I know you said that before but, how can you be certain you wouldn't have wanted to stay under their care?" Yuuko asks, stare unmoving from Takeru's face.

"…It's how I am, Sensei," Again he shrugs, again he sighs, "I can tell that… if he didn't have anyone who remained by his side, in the middle of all that mess… All I could feel and see was that sadness enveloping him, and I know what I tend to do when left alone in such a mood."

Grimacing a bit, I believe it is quite fair to affirm his heart was split in twain right now. Not only for the pain he had just inherited from the memories of that night of solitude… but from certain similarities they had with a particular moment of his life, well before the soldier found himself trapped by causality.

"Just like when Meiya took me to that damn mountain and I had to endure her grandfather's trials. Before I ceased to be a Shirogane in that world, when our marriage became official and I started my life as "Takeru Mitsurugi". The difference is, I had Meiya with me back then when I could have gotten in a foul mood. I had her unconditional support and love, so the struggle didn't feel pointless and I could push through."

His throat closed tight, as if it were a security door during a BETA alarm, and that cold, piercing feeling started skinning his nape, cruising over his entire back as if a scalpel it were.

"However, he had no one to rely on back then. Maya-san seemed to have grown cold again, that old woman who I assume is Yuuhi's mom seemed so… distant in the memory, and even if that young man whose name I believe was Masahide did try to cheer him up… In the end, this world's me didn't have anyone by his side as I did. And the words of that moment, the clear echo I can somewhat still hear without even meaning to, they tell me all I needed to know. That feeling of being inadequate, the fear, dread at the thought of becoming a burden to those you care about… I know how it feels all too well. And what would I do without anyone to rely on or get me out of my head."

"But, if that is the case," Yuuko slowly ponders, inching closer to the sinking shape of Takeru, "why is the Shogun so intent on learning of your identity? If he was sent away after this moment you speak of, I doubt he would have been allowed to join the Guard as well. It doesn't line up, your assumptions with their insistence."

"…I mean, I dunno what happened to him after that day, but chances are they had him be a servant or something. Maybe they left him as Yuuhi's attendant or something."

"…Is that so," She dismisses, "In any case, I won't insist on learning of what happened to you back then, but if you recalled so many memories, won't you truly reconsider the option to have them confirm you're actually Takeru Shirogane?"

And for a second, he felt as if he were underwater, pointlessly reaching out towards the rays of light above like a plant stretching through a canyon. Only to fade to the dark, and sink further beyond the sea.

"…I can understand his feelings, and I can relate to what he went through. But I can't be him, Sensei."

"…Yet, your security needs to be assured. Assuming they do grant us the folders of your father's service in the IRG, and that you can retell the memories you regained, we could form a defense for the identity theft claims that might come your way," Directing a finger at his face, she smiles, brightly, "You could even become a bridge between me and Her Highness, and with your new identity I wouldn't have to keep tightening your cover every time someone tries to poke their nose where they shouldn't."

"Wait a sec, Yuuko… were planning to link me to his memories to… solidify my existence in the mind of the guards? Does this have anything to do with how you said you wanted to stabilize me here?"

"Oh? Wow, I didn't expect you to figure it our. Bravo," She slowly claps, he groans a bit, "Yes, that was the idea. I believe we discussed this before, right? How other people's awareness of your existence is what ties you here, since you're an unstable existence. So by making more people think about you as someone who exists today instead of someone who has passed away, the pull of this reality on the Nucleus would increase, making the stabilization process easier on both us. I had believed that was your goal as well?" He nods, leaning on the sofa. So, she continues, "I admit, I expected more… tangible results from you today, to have a solution ready, but the meeting went well enough, I believe."

"…And why didn't you tell me about the meeting's true goal? I told you… I don't want to deal with the guards."

"I merely acted how I saw fit to safeguard my protegee, that's all. It's on you for not noticing my plans earlier. If you don't want to be merely strung along my plans, could you start trying a little harder to make yourself useful?"

"…What's with that question?"

"Hm? What about it?"

"Is… everything I did for you until now not enough for you treat me as an equal? To have you take my wishes into account?" He asks, voice low for the moment, as he stares into her eyes, coiling his hands.

"Your efforts thus far only matter if you can bring yourself to finish the job, Shirogane. The same applies to me, doesn't it?" She shrugs, sighing, "Did it matter in your first experiences how far had I reached? Did it matter at all when Alt IV was canned?"

"W-Well… But, even so, this isn't like-"

"It will get to that point, if we do nothing," She reminds, sharp and venomous, returning his stare, "So… What do you plan to do from now on, Shirogane?"

"…I already gave you my answer, Yuuko," Unblinking, the soldier return her cold stare, in full force, "This is all I'll remember and I don't want to go to the Capital."

"And you won't reconsider your position?" She stares, he shakes his head, she folds her arms and groans for a second, scanning his face and overall posture, "Then, what do we do if they do press charges against you? I need you alive and well when the 00 Unit is awakened, let me remind you."

Looking away, eyelids gradually closing, he again sighs heavily, "The intel I learned should be enough to prove my identity, if anyone stupid enough tries to screw with you through my issues. All you have to do avoid the Guard from growing suspicious of you is to talk amicably with them, I'll remain declining their offers if they insist. And moreover, you have a pact to uphold. You haven't told me anything about how you plan to fix the ripples of my world, have you?"

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't understand," She says, rolling her eyes, "But solidifying your self in this world is the first step to have all the causal ripples of your existence attach themselves here, to prevent any further risks of you vanishing away. And for that… I need you to stop running away from the Guard, because without the 00 Unit, I cannot fix the disturbances of your experiences."

"I'm… not running away. And I told you just now, I won't let this issue get in the way of Alt IV or Sumika's recovery," He nodded, firmly and enduring the silence of her stare.

Determined to no way in hell let these issues obstruct Yuuko's research, a small hint of embers resurfaced in his eyes. Despite not feeling a bond as tight as they shared in other worlds, the soldier felt his insides ache at the prospect of the Shogun growing to believe the scientist to be manipulating him. It reminded him of days long gone, when he did an effort to support her after everything was over. In fact, you'd understand if he also was quite upset at the Guard's overall conduct, as it reminded him much of the setbacks he endured in his first experiences after Alt IV's failure.

Inhaling sharply, the soldier folded his arms and again rested his weight on the wall, "But I also can't have others doubt Sensei's motives for having someone with such an uncertain identity in the base. If it comes down to it, I'll use what I learned of his life thus far to prove who I am even if I have no intention of meeting with anyone from the Guard. This is my problem, and I'll deal with it myself if it comes down to that," He concluded with a nod, relaxing his features.

And as he looked up, his eyes found Yuuko staring silently. Squarely in the eye and closer than before, to the point that he could see a small reflection of himself in her eyes as they scanned the soldier, as he gulped the breath he was about to release.

"…Sensei?" He managed to ask, after a moment.

She remains saying nothing, poker face in place. Lost in the maze of her gaze, a shiver ran down his back. The motion of the elevator stops, the door opens and she moves away quickly. Sighing slowly, the soldier follows after the scientist to the office, as they had done so many times before. Navigating through the papers and books, Yuuko preps up the coffee machine while shooting a finger at a sofa, indicating for Takeru to merely sit down and wait. While she made the coffee, the door opened and Yashiro paced into the room, bringing a small folder with her. Smiling at Takeru, she walked to Yuuko's desk to leave her report of the morning duties. The scientist quickly readies a mug with cocoa for the small bunny, handing Takeru his cup as well before going back for hers. For a moment, they merely drank and relaxed on their seats, enjoying the silence. But then, she starts to spin, faster and faster.

Looking up as she keeps drinking mid-spin, Yuuko then rests her cup on her legs, trying to keep the soldier in her field of vision despite the spinning, "Do you still think past you was in bad terms with the Shogun before? Are you absolutely certain of it, Shirogane?"

"Sigh… I told you, I think he felt that way, yeah. It's… disappointment, regret… heartache, kind of. I think he was… hurt a lot, and not only during that time where he was adapting to the life of the nobles."

"And how exactly are you sure he was made to 'adapt' to the life of the nobility?"

"Well, some of his trials and the words some people told him kind of…" Slowly tracing his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, hands quietly come together into a lock as he looks up. As the sweet smile and the kind azure eyes caresses his mind for a second, Takeru hunches over and sigh, "…It all reminds me of something I went through before."

"…Takeru-san?" Bunny ears jolting up and remaining standing, Yashiro too felt a jolt on her back. As it was the first time that the claret aura that signals affection was mixed with the deep blue of sorrow, wondering if that was the reason why the soldier had, once more, cut off the recovery session today.

Halting her mug as it was right by her lips, Yuuko corks an eyebrow as she sees the twisting expression Takeru had endowed, "What does that mean? Did you… have to deal with the Guard before in one of your prior experiences?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. That did happen, yes," Scratching his head, he slowly sips at the coffee, trying to regain his composure, "That was when I… had to give you the pass for the migrant fleet in that memory I showed you, and other times when me and the guys were sent on salvage missions," Yuuko nods, taking her time to drink, eyes veering away, while Yashiro had her eyes glued to the soldier's back, as the colors swirled, "But that wasn't what I was talking about, though."

"Then, what happened between you and the nobility?" Fixing Takeru a frontal gaze, the scientist hurries.

"Well… It's… Sigh, really, it doesn't matter," He says, low, and goes back to drinking.

"The one who decides that is me. Shirogane, why are you being so rejecting towards the IRG all of a sudden?" She presses, halting the spin, staring at him.

Yet, he stays silent, and drops the empty mug on a table to then hold his face, obstruct his eyes from all around him. Yashiro quivers as his aura darkens, as he starts gripping his hair.

Yet, the scientist force palms her desk, the onset of a frown lurking, "Shirogane, we can't keep pushing the issue to tomorrow. Alt IV requires you to tune the 00 Unit, and regaining your identity and citizenship is of utmost importance for the plan, for humanity's victory," He remains unmoving, it felt as if a twister of rusted metal had spawned in her stomach, "…And it's also for your own goals, isn't it? If you wanted to forge a peaceful world, and you have to remain here after we stabilize your self, then you have to face this head on. You're the only Shirogane in this world, and like it or not, you'll have to deal with this sooner or later. And I rather solve this in the short term, if you wouldn't mind cooperating."

"P-Professor, stop pressuring him, please," Yashiro pleaded, almost in a whisper.

"What? I'm just stating the obvious. I can understand him being reticent to see more… painful memories, but that doesn't change what we have to do to ensure our plan bears fruit," She shrugs slowly, shaking her head at the dejected eyes of Yashiro, who hung her head and remained still, "Surely, you don't plan on staying hidden under my skirt for the rest of your life, do you Shirogane?"

"…It hurt, hearing his grief," He relents, barely a whisper.

"Yes, I am aware. You were about to start bawling your eyes out after the session, after all."

"Professor…" Yashiro gave the scientist the scariest, darkest glare she could muster, still trying to comfort the soldier, to rid those dark colors from his aura.

"Our situation has not changed, however. All we did was delay the confrontation," She reminds, staring at the hunched posture of the soldier, "If you do want to stay in this world working for me, you'll have to to find a compromise to offer if following my orders isn't to your liking. Failure to manage this situation tactfully will mark an abrupt end to our partnership," Forcing the frost out, firmly looking at him, at his stillness, made her frown a bit, "And let me remind you, your world is-"

"I don't need a fucking reminder," He let out, lashing out. Yashiro flinched away, her skin crawling at the dark hue of blue enveloped the soldier, "But thanks for the brutal honesty, Yuuko. I'll… think well what it is I can do."

"Takeru-san, don't take this so hard," She reassured, hesitating for a moment before again reaching out for his shoulder, "We are your allies."

"Sigh… You're even making Yashiro worry. Can't you see that it's for the greater good, to heed my words?"

"Hehe… Hehehe…" The soldier lowly chuckled, through a hoarse throat.

"…Shirogane?" Yuuko looked at him, who was subtly shaking as he chuckled to himself.

"…It's all about the greater good, isn't it," Shaking his head, a twisted smile raises in his complexion as his eyes squint and narrow, as if he were in front of blazing fire.

"…Is something the matter?" Yuuko frowns, leaning forward and interlocking her hands, "Do you have a… Huh?" Stopping cold, she could only remain silent as Yashiro moved away from Takeru while shooting the scientist a firm glare, for her anyways you'd understand, "Shirogane, what's the matter?"

"Nothing… Just…" Inhaling sharply, he remains silent. The scientist sighs, standing up to serve herself more coffee. Slowly smiling and thanking Yashiro, Takeru then shot a gaze at Yuuko, a neutral expression on his face, as she also observed him well while filling her mug, "…Yuuko, you're dead set on having me talk with the Guard?" She nods, immediately, "Then, do you… know of a mission… called Shura's Dance?"

And her eyes widened, as did her mouth. And a shiver ran down her spine, along a buzz in her ears, suddenly tasting metal in her mouth as the memories of that day, that accursed day of defeat returned to her mind.

"Wh-What did you… Ouch!" The shock loosened her hand's grip, and so her mug fell and shattered on the floor. The warm coffee hit her leg, burning her momentarily, having her hastily step away from the mess.

"Hey, are you alright?" The soldier asks, standing up only to freeze in his tracks as Yuuko drove a blaze of a gaze into him, gritting her teeth.

"You… You just said Shura's Dance, didn't you?!"

"Y-Yeah… I… heard that name, in the middle of the memories. So you do know of this mission…"

"…I may, yes. So… Wait, I have to clean this," Shaking her head, frowning at the scattered pieces of the mug, she heaved a sigh. But before she could move towards the locket where she stored a few cleaning supplies, a small mop rubbed itself against her leg.

Somehow, the young Yashiro had changed into a cleaning form, a small white cloth covering her forehead, a small mop at the ready to clean, and a small plastic bag and a broom to pick up the broken shards. As she diligently cleaned the spilled coffee and broken mug, in small and slow movements, Yuuko couldn't help but to remain staring, blinking in quick succession, her brows corking in confusion.

"How… did she even… Where did she got that broom from?"

"Eh, from the Hammerspace, probably," Takeru said, chuckling lightly as Yashiro was finishing her cleaning.

"…Hammerspace?" Yuuko shot him a look, "What is that supposed to be, Shirogane?"

"The way in which a pirate can shove a dog into his pockets, or a young elf boy fit a bow, a dozens of bombs and arrows, as well as a grappling hook on his backpack."

"…What?"

"Don't worry, it's just a gaming term."

"But… But how did she even-"

"Professor," Yashiro said as she tied the plastic bag, "Where do I leave this?"

"Just… Sigh… Take the mop to one of the service areas and have it cleaned, the staff there can dispose of the broken mug, too," Shaking her head, deciding to not think too hard about this, she nods towards Yashiro as she turn around to leave, giving the soldier one last look as he waved away.

And for a moment, both merely sat down again, sharing the quietness. Seeing he was not willing to speak up, she leaned on the desk and stared.

"Shirogane, I do share the displeasure towards the more… extreme elements of the IRG, to an extent. I did have a few allies in the IRG before, and they were rather… ruthless, truth be told. But this… attitude isn't making you any favors. If it is for your own good, is it that hard for you to share one dance with the devil?" He remains silent, closing his eyes, gripping his clothes. She shakes her head slowly, tapping her chin with a finger, "If you are not willing to make a compromise, I believe you know fate will force a sacrifice out of you."

"…Is that a threat, Vice Commander Kouzuki?"

"A word of advice, from your boss and legal guardian. So, I am aware of the… pain that you felt during this last recovery session, but if you keep delaying the decision, they will only grow more distrustful towards both of us."

"I know…"

"Then, why are you running away?"

"I'm not."

"Then, what's this pouty attitude of yours?"

"I'm just… trying to calm down, before I snap," He then sighs heavily, she noticed he was clawing at his knees.

"…Shirogane, talk. Now."

"Sigh… I am not running away. If he made it out from that night, and became a surface pilot at such a young age, I won't… dishonor his struggle. But… I never had such issues with the IRG, not on such a personal level. And… it echoes in me, the pain he felt," Looking up, he met her eyes. She didn't find any of the usual cheer, only a poker face, a tight expression she saw in the soldier's face, "So Yuuko…" He started, clasping his hands together as tight as if he were praying, "You do know about this…" Lips shook, as did his knees, "mission called Shura's Dance?"

"Sigh… Yes, I do. What about it?"

"Do you have access to the casualty list?"

"What? Why do you want to know that?"

"Do you or not?"

"…I do, yes. What do you want from it?"

"…Can you search for the surname 'Kurosawa' in it?" He asks, staring into her eyes.

And she could only wonder why, why were his eyes firm yet wavering, where was his prior fire he had during the talk with the guards. So she sighed, and started typing on her computer, bringing up the UN's report on the mission, "So… Who exactly am I looking for?" He tells her the correct kanjis, she nods with a hum, narrowing her search.

"…Are there… four people with the same surname?" He asks, low, his face again covered by both hands.

And Yuuko flinched slightly, as she arrived at their names a second after he asked that, seeing that there were, in fact, four people in the report with the surname and kanji the soldier had asked. Taking a second to gauge his expression, she leaned back on her seat, "…Do you think these people's deaths affected… how past you saw the IRG?" And gulping hard, folding her arms, Yuuko asks the conclusion, "Were you deployed to Shura's Dance, then?"

"He was sent to fight then, I think," He nods, still holding his face tightly, "And that's why… I can understand now the anger I felt in the CCSE."

"Sigh… Why? You didn't have this kind of reaction to-"

"Remember the day you threatened me with your gun?"

"…What about it?" She asks, low, eyeing him sideways.

"Remember what I showed you, those fuzzy memories of Iceberg?"

"Wha… Are you saying…"

"Shura's Dance was to him… what Iceberg was for me, Yuuko. It feels that way. But…" Lodging his nape on the sofa, looking up as he sighs, Takeru felt as if all warmth were leaking through his legs, through his back, enveloped by the coldness once more, "It's crushing… like my nightmares. That's why… I can understand, why he would hate, despite the Guard. And… that's why I don't want to see anything else, or get close to the Guard or Yuuhi."

"If you have these memories… Shirogane, we can confirm your identity now!" Rising from her seat, hitting her desk with a hand, the towers of papers shaking and about to collapse, Yuuko couldn't help but to smirk, "It's all a matter of presenting in the right way, and you can regain your-"

"Didn't you hear? I want none of that shit in me anymore."

"…Excuse me?"

"I… don't want to be near them, Yuuko. This was enough."

"…Then, what do we do if they press charges? No, even if they don't and we prove your identity, do you really think Her Highness will simply desist in her insistence to see you?"

"…I don't care. I'm not meeting with them."

"…Alt IV requires you to remain safe. Shirogane, what is it with you now? You… wouldn't happen to be getting cold feet, are you now?"

Frowning, he returns the glare, yet sighs again as he shakes his head, "There's… a few things I really do hate, Yuuko."

"Huh?"

"Not just dislike. I mean, really, really hate. You know what I mean?"

"I suppose… What has this to do with Her Highness or your identity?"

"Sigh…" His teeth start grinding each other, tension boiling over in his stomach as he hunches over, resting his elbows on his shaking knees. And all the while, his eyes were blazing again, as the soldier he once was, "That it's really, really hard for me to keep my cool when in front of shit I don't agree with. I can try to keep a poker face, try to grin and bear it… but there are a few things… that I just don't vibe with. And… if I snap… the one who pays for it is you. So I don't want to force a situation where, most likely, I'll lose my cool."

"Nice way to dodge the issue entirely, Shirogane," Yuuko slowly claps, rolling her eyes, "Why do you not want to meet with the Guard? Out with it."

"Because he felt back then as I feel about Iceberg now," The restrain is scorched, the fire roars alive, and his words shoot out as fast and roughly as a cannon ball would, "Those bastards filled their mouth with the preaching, saying it was all for humanity's victory… but in the end, it was only for their own benefit. They left us to die, holding out pointlessly against hordes of BETA. They could have deployed the G-Bombs faster, they could have saved many lives back then. But they didn't… they let us all die as meat shields."

Lips twisting, a cold shiver ran down Yuuko's back, a soft twinge of pain below her ears as she curled her hair behind them, "The military has to do what it has to, Shirogane. You should know that well. Humanity's salvation comes before saving a few lives, I'm sure… that the HC of Alt V also thought the same. And the same goes for… the authorities that planned Shura's Dance."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean abandoning your subordinates to a cruel death just because. They had options… and they chose to do nothing."

"…And what does this has to do with you not wanting to regain your identity?"

"Because… after that night where he was left alone in his room… I saw glimpses of that mission, that's why… I cut Kasumi off again. But…" Clutching his head, clawing at his scalp, the frown intensified, "I can still hear that, the sounds, the voices… it was buzzing in my ears for a long while, even during the meeting. That's why… I can understand why he grew to despise them… It reminds me of my first loops, and… it makes me upset, frustrated."

"…Your first loops?" She asks, leaning on her desk.

"Yeah. That pressure, that struggle… kind of reminded me of my own trials when you left the base and I tried to keep the squad afloat, when I tried to keep Kasumi company. And…" Silently hugging his elbows, he shook his head.

"…And, what?" She presses, tapping a few papers with a finger.

Looking at her, looking away, he licked the inner side of his mouth time and again for a moment, sensing that lavender perfume again for a second, "And it reminds me of… the time when I married Meiya, of all I had to do to be… worthy of standing besides her. So I can share that dejection, that cold trickling on my back, that… hollowness in my chest that he felt back then. That's why… well… I'm still kind of shocked, trying to keep my cool."

And again, those memories came back, and for as much relief and warmth they gave to the soldier, it also caused his fingers to bend, to clutch his sides as his heart was piked over and over.

"It wasn't easy, on me or Kasumi, to hear that night's echo. All the while, his other struggles, the dismissive nature of the tutors, it all cemented that loneliness that was seeping in his heart. Of course they would only find disdain for little me, as the outsider he was, just like me," He reasoned, frozen hands poking his sides as he shook his head, "And as crushing as his feelings were… recalling those days with my Meiya, both the good and the bad, leaves those memories of him so, so lacking in comparison. Of course he'd grow so distant, so disappointed in the IRG as a whole. In this world, where the old values are upheld as if a sacred treasure they were, anyone who doesn't follow that to a T is seen as a stranger. And in our nation… those who stand out, those who are different… only receive disdain and scorn."

The smile by his side when waking up, the advice she always had at the ready, and the insistence to have him duel with her, it all made the soldier lose more and more tension, as the nostalgia hit his heart and hollowed his insides.

"Even amidst the coldness of that mountain, the silent disapproval of Raiden-san back then, I still had something to cling onto to make it all worth it. And as much as I miss my Meiya, I had her then. I remember her. I was blessed to be with her. But… going by the crushing sadness he felt then…" And for a moment, a glimpse of a young Yuuhi's face flashed in his mind. It only made his heart shrink, his breath cut in half.

"…What does that mean?" Yuuko's sharp question, low voice, yanks the soldier out of his mind. She was in the act of walking to the coffee machine, yet she had stopped cold in her tracks, the mug held in midair and frozen as her expression.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Shirogane, you said you… married Mitsurugi?"

"Yeah?"

"…In your world, I assume?"

"Oh, no. In both worlds, actually."

"…Are you being serious?" Yet, the scientist still remained still, her brows corking more and more in confusion.

"Well… if you must know, we never got actually married in my first loops. There were some issues back then, what with Alt. V being enacted and all, so Meiya had her head elsewhere at times. Still, we did get engaged… but thanks to Iceberg we didn't get to, you know, put the rings on," Sigh… She was just my fiancee back then, but from my eyes it's all the same. I loved that Meiya, and nothing will change that, he concluded, allowing himself a small smile.

"Huh, is that how it is then," She grumbled, eyeing Takeru sideways as she, very carefully, filled her mug this time, "…And you didn't mention that until now because…"

"Huh? What's this about?" Squinting his eyes, he stared in confusion.

Yuuko merely sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, before grabbing her mug and drinking as she slowly sits down, "Ahem… First, are you certain you're not being… led astray by your own emotions?"

"Sigh… I'm not. On the contrary, remembering my old lives… kind of lets me figure out what he'd have done. If we're truly similar, being the same entity but in different worlds, then… chances are he'd have been super crushed by having to endure all that pressure on his own. I don't think little me would have wished to stay there, and being so young I don't think he'd have… well, any restrain to not react badly against Maya-san or someone else," I'd be surprised if he didn't yell at them or said something hurtful. Even back in my world I had somehow gotten mature enough to not snap most of the time, but still, he was just a little kid.

Yuuko nods, silent for a second, drinking her coffee and enduring the urge to scratch her ears, "I see… And you don't suppose that, perhaps, Her Purpleness could have been for him what Mitsurugi was for you before?" She inquires, eyeing the soldier sideways.

"Well, it's true he did seem to like Yuuhi back then…" And they did knew each other since they were little… I don't think that sweet little girl had any malice towards little me back then, no. But the core of the matter isn't what Yuuhi did or didn't do,he reasoned. And then, the smell of gunpowder, the explosions surrounding him, singing on his ear as they had during Iceberg made the soldier wince, release quite some air from his nose, "The real problem here is… I can't wipe that feeling creeping on the back of my head, that he and Yuuhi didn't stay on good terms."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Sigh… You won't let this go?"

"Shirogane, if you want my collaboration in halting the Guard's attempts to file a demand of identity theft on your neck, I expect you to do your share. To properly analyze the data from each recovery session, I need you to tell me everything you think is worth mentioning, no matter how inconsequential it might seem. Both for the tuning of the 00 Unit and your own stabilization, let me remind you."

Yet… as you'd understand, those words were poorly chosen by the scientist. After all, she did not truly know how the soldier operated below his determined and driven demeanor.

"Still… I want nothing to do with these people. I'm sure… they don't have any good intentions towards someone like me. We can prove my identity, yeah, but I won't… be talking with them or seeing anything else. Let's… leave this at that."

"Sigh… Look, I cannot shield you if you refuse to cooperate. You'll have to stay in this world, and like it or not, you're the only Shirogane here. I cannot risk this issue to grow any more than this, it is quite fair to assume Her Highness will be notified of the meeting and your answers during it," She nods, arms folded. Takeru gives a nod and a sigh in agreement, relaxing his posture as he again crashes his back upon the sofa. She shakes her head, sits down, and starts to slowly spin once more, "If the Shogun even hints at being displeased with me, or… if any eyes are directed to you… We will have to take extreme measures to prevent that from obfuscating Alt IV's success, as I'm sure you'd understand. The shock you're feeling is noted, yet I expect you to regain your composure by tomorrow. I'd like for us to reach a zero risk solution."

"Haha… Heheheh…"

"…What's so funny, Shirogane?"

"No, you see… Someone said the same in the memory I saw," Again, the twisted smile, again the sinking of his shoulders, and a small, minimal watering of his eyes, "When I… When he tried to hold his ground to help the nearby settlements, someone told him that their goal was to halt the BETA at all costs. No matter the casualties suffered. That so long as they secured a zero risk solution for Tokyo and Hakuryo Base, the mission was a success."

Yuuko looked away, her insides freezing over for a second, eyes squinting at the reminiscence took her to days she'd rather forget. So she crossed a leg over the other, and after inhaling sharply, she looked back towards her soldier, that she expected to still be grieving.

Yet, she found a scowl, a cannon ball of pure fire rushing into her eyes, "And, wanna hear something crazy, Yuuko? Within his heart… there wasn't just anger towards the authorities of the IRG that refused to move from their positions or to the MDF that refused their aid…" He said, low. And the scientist could tell where he was going, and she, too, could smell gunpowder around her, sticking to her face, to her hair and lab coat. And returning himself fully upright in the sofa, their stares met, "There was also… quite some anger towards a particular name, the one person who requested the mission, the one who ordered to hold the line regardless of the cost in lives… Care to take a guess who that someone is?"

"...Are you seriously going to do this?"

"If you want me to pass as him, if you want me to keep recalling these memories no matter what… if that's what it takes for you to devise a way to stabilize me and help my world with the ripples of causality, then I demand to know what you truly know of this mission, that broke him in half as Iceberg broke me before. As the one who devised it, I'm sure you can see… why it's hard for me to hold it together," He admitted, and Yuuko then took notice of the shaking of his knees, and why his voice and eyes had lost so much luster.

Sighing, finishing her coffee yet tasting metal and smoke, she grimaced for a moment, "I can… understand the anger towards the Guard, considering your… prior experiences with them going by what memories you showed me before. Yet, I believe this… animosity towards your only ally is unwarranted."

"… Considering how you get when backed into a corner, I'm not so sure."

"What are you trying to say? That… I'm not worth your trust?"

"That I know you wouldn't doubt to… crack a few eggs to make a good omelet. Just like how you risked the base's crew during the XM3's test before, or sent the Valkyries in secret to Niigata despite the warning I gave you."

"And those decisions gave us the XG-line, if your memories are to be believed," She leans forward, rising her chin, bolstering the fire. And in doing so, the orchestra of destruction flashed over her eyes for a moment, and forced Yuuko to look away. From the soldier's eyes, from the broken cities, from the burnt ribbons and plushies, "It was… quite a profitable exchange, and it delivered us to the ultimate victory at Kashgar, didn't it?"

"…And exactly that, is what both he and me despise about you."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was not aware I had to appease your own morals when handling the salvation of the entire human race."

"It's not about morals, Yuuko. It's about the future, about the world that'll come after the war. I… don't want to go through that suicide again. I… don't think I can take it. Not again."

"It gave us enough time to devise a counterattack on the BETA. The perfect timeline does not exist, Shirogane. Sacrifices are unavoidable," She says, louder, more to herself than to the soldier, you'd understand.

"…And just because of that, you rather surrender our future to those pigs?" Looking up, the fuse of his temper about to light up.

"The authorities only did what they thought was best. Lingering on hatred will do nothing for you."

"It's not hatred… at least not from me…"

"Then, out with it. What is wrong with you? Because, if you're going to be this unstable… I won't let you get close to the 00 Unit, you're useless to Alt IV as you are now," She redirected the conversation, to douse the echoes that lingered in her background hearing.

"I'm just-"

"And don't forget, the more unstable you are, the harder it'll be to stabilize you. Your world is on the line too, isn't it?" She pressed, slamming her mug against her desk, as she did with her head after that mission.

"You… don't have to remind me. Siiigh…"

"So? Are you going to give me an explanation, or will you keep rambling?"

"…I'll keep it simple then. I won't be assuming his identity, because that comes with me involving myself with people which I hate. And… I don't trust in my ability to remain composed in such a situation, so I think it's for the best to give up on this line."

"If you hated them in this world, yet still worked with the Guard until the end, what's the difference?"

"That, since you want me to mingle with them, you plan to negotiate with the IRG for support. Using me as bait."

"And why would you be against that? You said it before me, we need all the allies we can gather," She reminds, waving a finger.

"Because I... don't want to support those kind of people. You've seen how this Empire is in this world, and that's when it's at the brink of destruction. What will they do when they regain their power?" He says, frowning a bit, folding his arms and looking away.

"And why do you care so much about that? Do you have a… particular sympathy for a faction in this nation?" Holding his gaze in silence, she stares unblinking.

Yet, Takeru shook his head, shrugging, "No, that's linked to the second question. Yuuko, do you… plan to go through Ouka?"

"Ouka? Oh, you mean the assault on the Original Hive? Well…" Leaning back on her chair, doing a short spin as she grasped her chin, she hummed for a moment, "It depends on how Sadogashima is handled, but we will have to nullify Target One sooner rather than later. You told me why, since the Reactors can grow stronger and that… entity in Kashgar could become a hazard we cannot remove. If you have an alternative plan, I'm all ears."

"…We need time. I told you before that-"

"Time is a luxury we do not enjoy. One thing is for you to be… in denial about the options you possess, after the shock of these memories, but the handling of the war is another matter entirely. Do you have a concrete reason to oppose a raid on the Kashgar Hive?"

"…I don't want to go through that again. I won't accept that future," Feeling his skin peeling off by heat, as it did when firing the cannon on Mitsurugi, feeling that cold embrace as he did when the power plant blew up, the soldier again held the scientist's gaze, enduring the silence.

And seeing his veneer not bending, Yuuko folded her arms, frosting over, "Your emotions matter little in front of reality. I can see how a… younger version of you might have taken the cruelty of war in quite the negative light, but you're supposed to be a veteran by now. You once worked by my side in one of your loops, did you not? Compromises are required to reach our goals, you'd understand."

"…Sorry, but my emotions matter to me. They're what guides me forward, what is keeping me from lashing out in anger towards the Guards, what makes me who I am instead of another mindless dog. My goal is to save people, I won't surrender to that suicide. The world after Ouka is not a solution."

And then, something teared in Yuuko's heart, as the echoes of that mission kept playing in loop on her ears,"What… What are you saying? Are you hearing yourself? Defeating the BETA is not a solution for you?! Then, what? What are we supposed to do, huh?"

"…I don't know yet. But that road is not a solution," He says, holding himself firm in front of the towering tsunami of her wrath.

"Defeating the BETA is the only way for us to reach victory and save this planet. Neutralizing the enemy before we pass the point of no return is our shared objective, do not forget that Alt V is still looming over our necks."

Licking his lips, crossing his legs, and his eyes too for a moment, instead of coldness… He could feel fire, fire running through his spine, through his veins, "…Once we defeat the BETA, I wonder who 'the enemy' will be."

"There won't be a tomorrow if we don't defeat the BETA, and you should know that well," She says, hitting the desk lightly, spinning as she folds her arms, fumes and groans, then releases it all to regain her poise, "You should know it better than me, perhaps, as you lived through a detonation of a G-Bomb."

"Exactly," He replies, firm and seeking her eyes, who squinted upon seeing his fixated stare on her features, "There won't be a 'tomorrow' if we don't take actions that will bring about a true change to our situation, beyond the BETA threat. There has to be something we can do. I… I can take accidents in the field, I can understand a sacrifice in a mission… but to surrender so many lives… when we could have done something to save them… True peace won't come about by building it atop pillars of corpses, and you should know better than me that… the real war starts after Kashgar is taken down."

"…Was there an incident regarding G-Elements in your prior experiences you haven't told me about?"

A cold shiver on his back, a warm one in his heart, the soldier twisted his lips as he scratched his head, looking upwards, "No, it's not that. It's more like… a background noise, an uneasy feeling… Even without the BETA, if you keep pushing for this kind of compromises… things will get out of control again."

"Do you have any proof to back up these 'hunches' of yours?" She presses, frowning.

"What, besides the fact that humanity will get loads of G-Elements and start mass producing XG-like machines? My world had it tough with terrorism, and… I showed you what happened during Sadogashima in my last loop. We cannot leave the G-Elements in the wrong hands, or something worse than that collapse will come to pass. And last time… I didn't help at all with that, so I don't want to leave that disaster behind me again. I… won't be leaving that mess behind, never."

"…Without the support of the current governments, we are bound and gagged. Without compromising on certain topics, we won't make any progress in our plans," Yuuko states, sighing for a moment, before re-locking her gaze on his, running a hand over her hair, ignoring the echoes, the taste of metal, "I… do understand your concerns, however it is not your duty to handle those matters. There are no other alternatives left for us at this stage of the game, I am convinced that your last experience was, quite possibly, the best possible outcome. I'm sure that world's me was also content with the result of her struggles."

But then, he hunched over. And this time, he didn't fight the impulse and his eyes watered.

"…Then, why did you bring Kasumi along when you asked me to kill you?"

"…Huh?"

"If that future really was the best outcome we could forge, if you truly were satisfied with that result... Then, you wouldn't have tested me like that, you wouldn't have dared me to stay there."

Like a petal landing on her skin, a raindrop of cold hit Yuuko's nape, "…I don't follow what you're-"

Hands shaking as they tightened, his gaze remained crashed down, burning on the ground, "If you wanted to die, if you really wanted me to kill you… you wouldn't have brought Kasumi along. And even if you did want to die, I don't think you'd ask. You know your genius is necessary for the progress of humanity, to make sure the BETA never bring us to near death again, and to protect the research you worked on for most of your life, to ensure it was not used to destroy the planet you fought so hard to protect. Even if… you were screwed for sure, you wouldn't have ran away from the consequences of your actions. But then, if there was nothing else left to do, if you were content with how things played out, you wouldn't have brought Kasumi along."

"What… What are you getting at?" Gulping slowly, the shower of petals drizzled over her, a small yet continuous collapse.

"…I don't know if that Yuuko knew what would happen to me once I got back to my world, and I'll probably never know," Smiling, yet biting his lips, he shook his head, "But what I am sure of… is that she wanted me to stay. That's why she brought Kasumi… because if I killed her then and there… Kasumi would have been left all alone. But I… already was aware Sensei would be made responsible for what we did during Ouka. I knew… Kasumi was going to end up alone…" Hitting his knees, closing his eyes, his eyes burn and burn, "…and I still left."

"And what… does this have to do with-"

"I didn't see it, I didn't recognize the signs. Even when I remembered my relations with my squadmates… I remained in denial about having been with her… so I couldn't see it… The last card Yuuko played, the last thing she tried… was to see if I wanted to stay, if I had the will to keep struggling… After all, most of her allies would have forsaken her once she was of no more use. At the very least, I could have shielded Kasumi for her. But I... a-abandoned them…"

"I… I do not… think you're correct. Even if you stayed in that world… as the sole human to have communicated with a BETA, you also would have been-"

"I'm sure I would have been too valuable to kill. Even if I was useless during Kashgar as I sat down firing missiles, I learned to handle an XG in record time. And you credited me for the XM3, too. And… if I had stayed, I'm sure you would have done everything you could have done to shield me. You always do, even if it goes against what I want most of the time," Sighing, he again hunches over.

It made her feel a blade of fire thrust into her gut, the petals bombarding the back of her head as if she were under hail, "However… You're merely assuming she wanted you to-"

"I'm not assuming anything. I'm sure she… wanted me to remain by her side, as I did in the world were I chose her over the squad. Up until the end, I was Sensei's wildcard during last loop. And I left her hand empty when she needed me the most."

Spinning away from his sight, she took in a deep breath, "And… you're convinced of that because…"

"Because, Vice Commander, you don't allow yourself to be Yuuko… unless you're about to jump into the abyss."

"What? That's… quite the odd assumption you've made," Ruffling her hair, she fakes a smile, shrugging, "Sadly, I don't know what-"

"Did you know that you chased me away the first times I tried to reach you in Sendai?"

"I don't… see how that-"

Smiling again, chuckling as he kicks his legs off, relaxed and stretched, Takeru places both hands behind his head, looking up, looking back, "You were like you're being right now. Poker face in place, stone cold tone, barely even moving your body, not even meeting my eyes. Took me a lot of insisting to even get to meet you in person, only for you to shoo me away. Do you have any idea how much trouble I got into, trying to get pass the air-tight security of the IRG in Sendai?" He sends her a bothered glare, she merely looks away, "But I kept at it, until one day… you allowed me into your lab. The day I brought you the pass, and you allowed me to help you get out from there. And while you remained as you always were most of the time from then on… there was one occasion in which… you asked me something similar to when you handed me that gun a second time…"

His breathing halted. Rubbing his eyes, cleaning the water in them, he could only shake his head, run a hand over his neck. For as pleasant as remembering those days was, they also came with their fair share of poisonous spikes. For as much as the storms he had endured had cleansed the bitter feelings from his heart, the wound… still remained, open and aching.

She, however, couldn't see it. And merely shrugged, slightly frowning, "…You're speaking of other versions of myself. I have nothing… to do with those individuals, don't expect me to behave as they do."

"Yuuko, I'm sure you know Kashgar isn't the end," He immediately countered, she relented a small nod as he stared, "And… I can understand his anger at Shura's Dance, as I was during Iceberg, because it meant… the annihilation of the life he so much loved. And you don't have to tell me anything about it… but the you I know, both the XO and Yuuko, would never, not in a million years, have abandoned Yokohama like that. Not without a good damn reason."

And her hands shook. And her eyes blazed. And running a hand into her hair, burning away the petals, wanting to spit away the metal and the poison she tasted in her mouth, she faced his stare, everything else blurring for a moment, "…So you say you understand my thought process? That you understand what I went through then? Then, come on! Say it, why did I order that 'inhuman' mission?!"

"…Because you were gambling on the BETA making a Hive. Because by showing the military that they were fucked ten ways to Sunday, it would make the Empire stop refusing UN aid. And I'm sure you knew Yuuhi was not going to leave Tokyo once she was appointed as the Shogun, so you used that to your advantage. So by sacrificing northern Yokohama… you crafted a scenario that would force the IRG to cooperate with the MDF, that would make the defense lines more compact, more efficient for the amount of troops the Empire had at its disposal."

"…Huh? How… How do you-"

Pointing a finger up, he continued, never letting go of her stare, "This also would let you move to Sendai, where the government was located. To let you operate there yourself, and possibly have the STF monitor any… insurgent desires within the more fervent members of the Empire. You created a path that would lead to fewer deaths in the long run. You did what the IRG and the MDF did not want to do, you forced them to act in unison, to let everyone see… that Japan's days were numbered," Sighing, he then eases up, doused and cooling down, "And even if you didn't know… your actions forced him see the… r-reality of the shelters, of the madness that was to not evacuate our civilians to another nation. You were the fire that burned away the pointless hopes they harbored, and pointed them to a real solution. You woke them up from the daydream, into a dark reality that still could be saved."

"…Is that so. So then, if you think this about the mission, why do you refuse my idea? If you know what I do is truly for the best, after all your loops, why do you refuse?"

Again smiling in a twisted way, barely raising his voice, "Because that's why he hated you, just as I despised you after the XM3's test. Because he did not understand what fueled the orders, the cruelty he saw, and many used your… evacuation to fuel their own agendas. And I'm sure you know… you're facing a similar board right now. And you didn't surrender back then, when you had nothing close to a working 00 Unit, when the downfall of the Empire would have meant a direct shift to Alt V."

"…Get to the damn point, Shirogane," She threatened, barely enduring the smell of burnt steel that came from the city, the image of the assault, of the downfall of Hakuryo. As well as her own inner devils, which reminded her of how she abandoned her family's lab, the streets she walked every day, the parks she visited. The city she swore to protect, the dream, the duty that pushed her forward… reduced to ashes, as the hazy dark blurred her surroundings. So she gulped as took a deep breath, before she shifted back to those days… before Yuuko sealed herself away…

Seeing her well, Takeru nodded, returning her stare, trying not to focus on those old days of war under gray skies "I… I can fight well, but I can't negotiate. I get upset, I care too much. But… this can't be the only option we have in our hands, because I'm here and this world is way too different to my last loop. And I know it's unfair, to keep pushing everything onto your shoulders but… Can you really not look for a better solution that doesn't involve a massive suicide, Yuuko?"

"…And if I do, and the answer does not please you, what happens?"

"…I help you out for as long as I can. Then… once the 00 Unit is working at full output... if I'm a hazard, you're free to erase me or send me back the way I came."

"…Excuse me?"

"You heard me. If our goals don't align… if my hopes have no worth in this world… I'll just leave. Once the 00 Unit is in working order, all you gotta do is prep Model D to 100% power. I… wasn't even of much help during the Kashgar raid, to be honest."

Uneasy as she saw his fire whisked away in a flash, watching his dejected posture, Yuuko took a moment to herself, "Just to be clear… What are you expecting from me?"

"…For you to stop trying to shoulder everything on your own, and to not rush Kashgar again. The world needs you strong after the end of the BETA war. And you can't… you can't chase the fastest solution all the time. You can't take on the curves if you're blasting the accel all the time," He affirmed with a nod.

"Quite the request, coming from someone who has given no answer to what a solution would entail," So, she spew a bit of the venom that was brewing.

"Come on… I'm just trying not to get negative right now. Of course I can't come up with an answer on the spot now. And anyways, you can't let yourself get locked so easily, Yuuko. You told me why that was bad yourself, didn't you? That when you focus too much on one kind of feeling, your vision grows narrow, the link you establish with other worlds pulls only one kind of data. At this rate… all you'll do is attract the tachyons of the worlds where you can only win by sacrificing everything. We can't keep let that result to come to pass now!"

"…What?"

"I mean, if you're not even handling the tech of the 00 Unit now and-"

"No, not that. What did you say before?"

"That you can erase me if you-"

"No, no! Right before!"

"You mean the stuff about the tachyons?"

"…Pardon me?"

Staring at her, Takeru couldn't help but to recall the talk he had with his world's Yuuko in the restaurant after the incidents, and how shocked she was when he told her of the 00 Unit. Only this time, I believe it is quite fair to affirm the scientist was at least ten times more flabbergasted at the words he so casually uttered.

"Yuuko, what's up?" He asked, raising a brow.

"You said... tachyons right now, didn't you?"

"Yeah?"

"…Why?"

"What do you mean, why? It's as you told me before, those… faster-than-light thingies that disrupt causality and junk?" He asked, raising a brow.

It only made Yuuko gape for a moment, "I… told you about tachyons? What did I tell you again?"

Squinting his eyes, blackboards full of strange annotations and long ramblings filled the soldier's mind. Shortly after, he shook his head and gave up in understanding it at all, "Uh… You know, how the grandfather theory was all wrong because all worlds are parallel… so it was like the idea I had during the CCSE about the trees and the worlds. I remembered your words back then, when I thought of the branch theory and how my memories related to it, and is how I realized a few things about- Uh… Yuuko?"

Eyes twitching, lips shaking, eyes blazing, the scientist made an effort not to raise her voice, "…You never… told me of this 'branch theory' you had. What is this about?"

"Come on, now. You know, don't you? Since any changes to causality spawn a different branch in a timeline, the grandfather theory was flawed. Uh… let me remember how it went… If A sends, like, a warning to the past to B, then that creates a rift in the timeline. But since tachyons ignore causality, that spawns a branch where B did receive the intel and another where B didn't. So the future where A sends the data to B still exists along the past where history was never altered, but there's another branch in which the B from the past receives the warning from A, thus changes the future to another outcome," Stopping for a second, scratching his nose and shifting his posture on the sofa as Yuuko silently stared, he then coughed, "You see, I was doubting if had used the boat or not during the CCSE during last loop. There was a world where I solved literally everything perfectly back there but… I didn't take that route last loop. But the data existed, and the possibility is out there, somewhere. And the same is happening now, right? Since I'm a strengthened Nucleus, I'm basically a tachyon magnet since the fact that I can draw memories from other worlds is a big middle finger to causality, right? That's why I can even remember stuff from other timelines, and why the girls got so negative so fast."

And then, silence.

For a moment, then another.

With only the clock on the wall and the buzz of the computers lingering in the air.

"...Shirogane?"

"Yes?"

"Since when did you knew of all this?"

"What do you mean, since when? Uh… I, um… Since always? You told me… Well, not you, but, you know…"

"And… And why didn't you tell me before?!" Blasting away from her seat, Yuuko erupted in shock and elation, and a bit of anger, towards the words she just heard, "I've been racking my brains to understand the Nucleus' theory and… and you're telling me… I was right all along?!"

"To be fair, when aren't you?" He asked, eyeing her sideways.

Still blazing, her words shoot out faster than bullets from a Gun Sweeper's raid, as she started hitting the desk over and over, steam spewing from her ears, "Praise won't save from this! Do you have any idea how much this changes my research?! Do you?!"

"No, but-"

"Everything! It changes everything!" The babel towers of papers fall apart, she keeps blazing, "If there is something that can actually disrupt causality to such lengths, and the Nucleus is the state in which a human can become a vessel for the phenomenon to occur… Then, that explains the difference! How did I not see it?! Yes, yes… They are two different anomalies, so if the oracle tries to devise a solution to an impossible setback… then, it is through it that the sharing occurs!"

"Uh, Yuuko? Could you come back to Earth, please? We kinda need you down here," Again not understanding anything she was blabbering about, he could only stare and wait.

"Shirogane!" Clipping through the desk, she approaches her soldier, grappling his shoulders.

The closeness made him flinch, stand still and frozen, "Y-Yes?"

"Is there any other secret that I wouldn't tell anyone that you know about?"

"...Your three sizes, for example," In his nervousness, he blurts out.

"...Do you want to die?"

"Sincerity is a virtue. Also…" Scratching his head, he looks away, "I don't know what qualifies as a secret for you. You… did kinda like to rant when we were working together as I made you coffee, there's lots of those crazy theories you've told me," She groans a bit, releasing his shoulders, restoring the soldier's personal space. He sighs, oh, so heavily "And… anyways, are you sure we didn't talk about this already? I could swear we… discussed this before, when dealing with the papers of the Nucleus."

"No, you certainly did not mention anything of this importance before. I would remember it if that were the case."

"I see… Must have slipped my mind after the CCSE, I guess. Anyways, those tachyon thingies are why I… well, would like you to calm down and clear your mind. I know I tend to get super down when something serious happens, so that's why I don't wanna meet the guards. I'm not doubting you or anything, it's just… Since I'm a stronger Nucleus, well…"

"You claim I could be… influenced by my own desire to see Alt IV to fruition, being locked into chasing only one possible solution?"

"Yeah. I think you're the most fitting person to be susceptible to causality, being the main researcher of it. Like when you were researching the theories before I even appeared in this world, both this time and in the other loops. Being so close to the answer yet failing to get it… I think you got set in your ways, in… what you thought was the correct path, and couldn't break the link to the data leak of a wrong approach," She groans, folding her arms in frustration at what was a fair guess, you'd understand. Waving a hand, he rose his voice as he nodded, "I mean, my world's you tackled the theory from a completely different angle and that was what allowed her to complete it, right? I know it's easy to say, but… you didn't allow yourself to doubt on your theory, and that's why I think you're doing the same now. Don't you notice a difference in your mood, in your way of handling your work now compared to before I arrived or gave you the papers?"

Caressing her hair, she breathed in. Easing all the swirling feelings, exhaling slowly, she nodded yet didn't meet his eyes, "I suppose… that holds water. The theories do… go to places I didn't think of, and I've been more productive in these months since you've been here than in the rest of the year, I'll give you that. By the by, how did the me of the prior world react to this? What did your home world's me said about my methods?"

Chuckling as he recalled, Takeru allowed himself to smile, "Oh, you choked me when I told you I recognized the formulas. It got worse when I told you the methods you use were outdated, stale and obsolete."

"Excuse me?!"

"Your words, not mine," He then swiftly takes a step back, raising his hand as Chief Yoroi does, "The thing is… After what happened in my world, when I ran away and… Marimo-chan and Sumika paid the price, I can tell when I'm about to crack, since I get hyper-focused on only one thing. Happened all the time with Valgern-On, with my training, and with… my lover. That's why… Sigh… I'm trying to calm down, because I know that when I get set on something, I won't stop thinking about it. Just as my world's you told me, I'm trying to halt the link before I get sucked into that twister of negative feelings he felt during and after Shura's Dance," He affirms, looking straight into the scientist eyes, to let her see his honesty.

Yet, she merely nods, running a finger over her chin, "I wonder, why the first data that he absorbed is of such grief? How did he even keep on fighting in this world if the war had crushed his spirit so much? And… why are these memories we're forcing out having such an effect on Shirogane… Maybe..."

Seeing her silence made the soldier uneasy, so he coughed and took a step closer, "That's why… besides taming the fire of his anger… I think we both need to play our next cards carefully, we cannot make a mistake. It might come out as me being indecisive or passive, but if I only have one bullet… I gotta make it count. And two worlds are on the line, I cannot screw this up. That's why I rather wait and see, what's ahead, what's around, to then make my decision once I'm cool and the gears of thought are oiled again."

She gave a nod, fixing her eyes back on him, "So if I want you to regain your identity, you first want to ensure your… wish for a peaceful world with zero wars can be reached afterwards?"

"Yeah, I will not give up on my goal to reach a ze… a world without wars."

"…And is it only about your memories? Or, is there something else you're concerned about?"

"Well… After seeing how this world is, I know it might sound odd, but… Believe me when I say that the third incident I told you of may end up happening even if we do everything perfectly until Sadogashima, or even after Kashgar," He said, his throat again shutting up after he sighed, "Just that… it might be a quiet thing, and we won't notice it until it's too late. This world is far more nationalistic than any of the prior ones I've been to, so… it's possible the UN won't get to even act, that something… real bad happens while we're busy elsewhere. You know this world's political situation better than me, we gotta be careful."

"Then, why not… use your prior identity to gain a foothold into the IRG? If you believe the threat to be this high… you could be my eyes within the Guard."

"Because… I may end up surrounded by enemies."

"…Do you truly think you were all alone back then?"

"I told you before, he felt isolated in the Guard. I… showed you, what I saw, how I felt at the end of Iceberg. Now imagine that… but you're surrounded by faces you once trusted in, and now are out for your blood. I... don't know if I can take any more memories of that, to be honest," Running a hand over his clothes, clutching his heart, his gaze again crashes and burns away, fading, "And I won't lie to you, dealing with the Guard is something I'm awful at. It brings… a few bad memories of my own."

"…I see. Perhaps… we can take a few days, see how they react to the mock battle," She relented, and it took him to see her nod as she sat down again to believe the words. Yuuko spun for a moment, then directed her usual cold gaze at him, fingers entwining, "However, I will need you to remain in top form. If you do want me to look for another path… You will have to be willing to do different actions as well, Shirogane. If you ask me to compromise, then you will have to join me in the struggle."

"…And that means… you want me to take on his role?"

"It's a possibility. But first, let's dispense with the intrigue," Going to grab her notebook, she turns it on and starts writing something before addressing the soldier again, "I want you to detail all you can about what you effectively saw thus far in the recovery sessions, everything."

"Sigh… It might take a while."

"Do you want me to heed your warning or not?"

"Fine, fine. Just… wait a sec if I get emotional, okay?" Voice lowering as his gaze, Yuuko gave him a firm nod, in honest support.

And so, the soldier started telling the scientist of the recollections he had gained in these recovery sessions. Despite the small pauses he had to take at times, and how she had to convince the young Yashiro to go tend to the XM3, despite her insistence to remain by Takeru's side.

"…And you're absolutely certain he was residing in their house?" She asks, staring at him.

"Yeah? I think he was. That's what… Yuuhi's mom, I believe, had told him on the day where he got the letter."

"And if you knew that, could you kindly explain to me why did you insist so goddamn much on how you were never adopted in this world?"

"…I was gauging their reactions, that's all. And trying not to lose it, while I was at it. Tsukuyomi-san wasn't in the memories so… I wanted to see what they thought of the claim. And I think their reactions told us much," He asserts with a nod.

She shrugs, "Fair enough, I suppose. That does… bring up an interesting question to the table," She says, expression sober, "Do you think this world's you stayed in the Koubuin House after that night?"

"…Or was sent as a vassal somewhere else, I dunno."

"Sigh… Look Shirogane, I can sort of make a case on why this world's you could have been erased, if it brought issues to a Regent. Problem is, for that to be the case, it equals that he was far, far closer to the Shogun than we thought."

"I know… I know that. I told you, he was living with them, even being friendly with the Pickles at times. It's just…" Licking the inner side of his teeth, it tasted like rusted metal.

"You think that, at some point, this world's you grew dejected at the Shogun, and that's why you're assuming they threw him away?" She presses, noting something down in her notebook then in her computer.

"Well, yeah. Think I'm wrong?"

Spinning slowly, she shrugs again, "I have no leads to claim otherwise. However," Sharply stopping, fingers locking together, she smiles, devilishly, "What we do have are your hunches, Shirogane. You did say that his situation reminded you of your… marriage with Mitsurugi, correct?" He slowly nods, raising a brow, "Then, could we assume that he was undergoing a similar trial of sorts? After all, it is very, very rare for a commoner to be allowed to reside in a Main House, let me tell you."

"Huh… So… you think they adopted him?"

"It's a possibility, yes. If you recognize his trials as what happens when someone of common descent is tested to join the nobility, or high society, then perhaps this world's you was tested to see where he would join in their ranks. Are you certain you cannot recall the talks, even if slightly?"

Folding his arms, a small twinge of pain below his ears surges up, as if touching a source of heat. Cowering at the headache, Takeru shakes his head, running a hand over his forehead in circles, "It's all messy. I do think… Maya-san wanted to look after him, and her dad was really insistent on how little me should 'adapt to their ways of life'. But…"

"You still feel that sadness creep up when you try to recall those times?" She concludes, scribbling it down, typing it fast.

"Sigh… Yeah. I know we can't let my presence here make any noise but…"

"I have one condition I'd like you to accept, before anything," She states, looking straight into his eyes, "If anything does happen, I want you to take responsibility for it on your own."

"…Don't worry, I don't wanna let my own issues ruin Alt IV, Yuuko. If you gotta send me back to my world, then just say the word."

"I wasn't talking solely of that, however," She squints her eyes, "And no, I'm not talking of disposing of you either, even if you should take that option into account as well. What I'm talking about is… if having you 'regain' your identity becomes our best choice, I want to hear no complains coming from you. Do remember that until the 00 Unit is tuned, you have to stay alive. Both to ensure Alt IV bears fruits and to fix the ripples of your world."

"I know that well," He sighs, a boulder piling on his shoulder, tearing his skin, "So… you think Yuuhi might press you until she can meet with me, no matter what?"

"Perhaps," She spins slowly, looking away, "Point being, when the time comes where I need you to disclose what you recalled through the recovery sessions, you'll do it without complains. Understood?" He nods, slowly. She smiles, nodding back, "Good. Now then, I have one last question I'd like you to think about."

"What is it?"

She leans closer, a stone-cold blizzard within her eyes, dry ice emanating from her lips, "If this world's you didn't remain with the Shogun, how did he become commissioned under the Guard and end up on that 'special' squadron you mentioned on one previous recovery session?"

"Well… I don't know why, of course. But… what I can tell you is that the disappointment, the sadness felt… stronger during the CCSE," Waving both hands about, as if trying to grasp something fluttering in the wind, his brows tensed and narrowed as the words eluded him, "Like… when everything crumbles down and the ceiling falls on you."

"So, something worse than the night you recalled befell this world's you? And despite that, he remained in the Guard?" Giving him another side glance, lips pursed in annoyance, she shook her head, "Do you have any idea why that might have happened, or are you just grasping at straws?"

Gulping, looking down as another cold blanket falls on his back, the soldier's voice collides in his throat and refuses to leave for a moment, "I… I think… I can make a guess…"

"Oh?" Interest ignited, Yuuko inches closer, "What of it?"

"I think… he had made an oath, and that was what pushed him forward. Being this world's me, I'm sure he had… a strong reason to keep marching forward even when he was alone, and that's what… made him remain in the Guard."

"Hmm… What makes you think that, if I may ask? Another memory you saw of his life?" Squinting her eyes, a stinger aims at his as she doesn't release her soldier from her gaze.

Yet, seeing that confrontational shine in her, that emotion, that drive to keep pressing forward… send a lukewarm pulse into his body, as if basking under a pleasant sun "Even if it is a bit bothersome, that firm resistance… does bring back a certain memory… And if… if his fight was as brutal as that sole memory I saw, if his squad was left on its own in the front lines…"

"Shirogane?" Yuuko was, again, narrowing her brows at Takeru, who only noticed it after a few seconds of dwelling within his mind, "You were saying…"

"Sigh… Sorry, got lost in thought. So… the thing is… well, just don't laugh, okay?" He asks, rustling his jacket. She nods while raising a brow, bumping a hand on her chin. So, taking in a breath of air, he slowly recites, "Ahem… In the silver blossom of a cherry tree, dwells a brave and loyal soul. Rooting itself into the Earth, it dreams no longer of the sky."

"Was that… poetry?" She asks, tilting her head.

"Yeah, it was a poem someone… important wrote for me at a crucial point in my life."

"…Wait, the silver blossom refers to you?"

"I guess, why?"

"Huh… What an odd thing, to use a flower to refer to a man," She then chuckles, smirking a bit, "Does that mean that you 'blossomed' by that point?"

"Mmgh… I don't know what I expected of you, really."

"Come on, don't get mad," Waving a hand, Yuuko still chuckles at his groans, "So then," Sobering up, she folds her arms, "A brave and loyal soul… that still refers to you, I suppose. And rooting itself into the Earth…" She closes her eyes as she spins slowly for a second. When she's facing him again, a small frown was etched on her features, "This is about Alternative V, isn't it?"

Hunching over, he smiles as he nods, feeling the grasp of those hands, those begging hands on his body again, those wails right by his ears, "…Yeah. There was someone who helped me with… my pass for the migrant fleet. I received that poem when I got the confirmation I could give my pass to my lover, before everything went to hell."

"Bold of you to say that to my face, Shirogane," She smiles, raising both brows up and down for a moment.

"Huh? What are you… Wait! I wasn't referring to you!"

"Oh, you weren't? So you never gave me a pass then? What of that memory you showed me?"

"Ugh… I did give you a pass for the fleet, yes."

"Then, does this have anything to do with how you 'took care' of that me?" Giving him a side glance, she pokes the wound, in a small act of retribution. A small jest, you'd understand.

"L-Look, it… might. But we… we weren't… Sigh…" Hollowed out again, he hunch over.

"Hmm. I was merely poking fun at you, not intending to get you even more down," The scientist stood up, gesturing him to hand her the mug, which she then goes to refill along hers, "So… your point about the poem was?"

"Well… That even if everything is crumbling around me, so long as I have a clear goal to aim for, I don't stop moving forward, little by little," He affirms, sticking out his chest, hugging his hands to dispel the memories of the other hands, that tugged and begged, that kept on pulling, "Back then it was the same, even when I knew what madness I was up against. And the same on last loop, I… managed to keep my shit together most of the time," Then, he looks up, accepting the mug Yuuko offered, "After my talk with Sensei on the brain room, after seeing Sumika was alive… or rather, the 00 Unit that inherited Sumika's memories needed me by her side, I tried to get my shit together to do the most I could do to help. I've always been like that, no matter how hard stuff is, so long as I have a goal and someone with me I rarely give up. I am a stubborn bastard when I'm motivated."

For a moment, a few things flashed in his mind. Receiving a cake at night. Nursing kitties in a dojo. Preparing some food in an apartment. The sight of his house's table filled with laughter, and a jab about his similarities to Chop-kun. And the feeling of cold all over his body, as he rolled and rolled, embraced by those azure eyes.

"Be it when adapting to my new life with Meiya, learning to compromise on some of my tastes when dating Sumika, when adapting to life as a couple with the rest in my own world. Or when I had to step up to keep Kasumi and my squad safe after Alt IV was canned on my first loops, or keeping myself in check in last loop to always be ready to help out. On the contrary, when I get down and I'm alone… I tend to do stupid shit, like when I was… seriously considering jumping off the roof after Sumika's accident in the gym," Then, he looks up, staring at Yuuko, who raises a brow and asks what's wrong, yet he doesn't answer, feeling a vice grip on choke the life out of his heart,"Until you gave me another reason to look up, to not give up, Yuuko-sensei."

And so, he drank in salutation, of the teacher he abandoned in the reactor along another version of him, both of them who had to endure the charges of his actions.

"Yet… despite the sadness… I don't know why, but this world's me didn't give up, either on himself or the world. Maya-san seemed to be cold again on that night's memory, he was upset a the Pickles on the flash I saw of the Swordbreakers, and his feelings towards Yuuhi… are a mess, I can't even tell what I should feel," Inhaling well, hearing the worried, crushed spiel of the young boy as he fell asleep in the darkness of his room, Takeru could only sober up, drag the blazing blade he held somewhere in his gut, dragging it out, forcing himself to return Yuuko's stare, "But… if he kept moving forward despite everything, it means he had something worth protecting. What that was, I have no idea. But going by the dread… Well, I showed you what I remember of Iceberg already. I suppose you can guess what this Shura's Dance did to him."

"Fair enough," Yuuko nods, frowning for a millisecond, "Considering the how invasion happened, I suppose I can see how he was faced with… something like that memory you showed me. Still… You're certain that you do not wish to claim his identity?"

"…I can't be him, Yuuko. I think… it's for the best that we keep this as is. After all, I doubt Yuuhi or anyone else could actually come after me with what I recalled already. Since they erased him, to claim he existed would give them lots of trouble. One thing is you making up an entry but… if they don't wanna erase me again, and they actually want me to take on his role once more, isn't that more trouble than it's worth for us? I'll become a target, but for entirely different reasons," He shrugs, one eye closed as he goes for his drink.

"I suppose, you're right," Yuuko relents a nod, sipping some coffee, "Still, I rather not be the recipient of Her Highness' wrath. And you're the only Shirogane in this world, so if she asks to confirm your identity…"

"…I'll do what I have to do when the time comes."

"…You're convinced they were harsh to this world's you, huh."

"His feelings are more than enough. Well, is that all?"

"I suppose… I'll analyze the data and call you back if I need you for anything," She affirms, with a single nod.

"Alright. So… Do I go back to my cell or-"

"You need some time off. Go to your office and spend your time as you see fit. Work on the weapons, work out with some weights, or just rest there. It's for the best that you stay away from your cell, in case anyone tries to interact with you in your current state."

"Sigh… Yeah, you're right. Well, I'll be going then," Standing up, not even waving back, he moves towards the door in slow steps, dodging the papers and books as if he had spikes stuck on his feet.

Something tugged at her nape, something didn't let her look away. So, going for another spin, she didn't unlock the door. When Takeru realized he couldn't leave and looked back, he found her staring, fully focused on his figure.

"Are you truly completely against reclaiming your identity in this world?"

"Yeah."

"Why? Because of the pain and fear of the memories?"

"Well, that too…" Inhaling well, hiding his hands on his pockets, he looked up, away, "There are a few things I can try to understand, that I can stomach even when I don't fully agree with them. I am a soldier, so I have had to follow orders I didn't agree with at times. But… pushing someone into a corner, after exploiting their trust in an hour of need… I don't think I have it in me to look past that, Yuuko. Even if I can dull the pain and endure the meetings, I cannot forgive that kind of thing."

Scanning the lines of pain, the lines in his words, Yuuko blocked her mouth as she interlocked her hands again, waiting a second to see if he would return her gaze. He did not, so she sighed, "Did something like that happen to you in your loops?"

"…Not to me, no. You did manipulate me at times, but… you never really threw me away, even when I was more trouble than I was worth."

That turn of phrase would mean that… "Then, something resembling that did happen, to someone close to you."

"Yeah…" And meeting her gaze, he winced, creaking apart, "To you."

"…What?"

"After that Christmas…" He began, nibbling at his bottom lip, feeling heated charcoal hit his gut, "one faction of the IRG offered you some help, it seems, when the UN was dunking on you," His words, although slow, ignited the petals, the hail back onto the scientist's nape, "Yet, you saw how you were imprisoned in Sendai. You even had to wear their black dress at times, when I went to try and talk to you. And you kept it together well despite…" Again, something pierced his veins, wringing his hands at the powerlessness he felt back then. He was looking down, trying to keep his composure. So he couldn't see it, how she was compacting upon herself, supporting her head with a hand, leaning on the desk, "despite everything they said, despite how dead and empty your eyes looked, how dry your hair and cheeks were, how more thin you were getting with every visit."

"I… got it. That's… enough, Shirogane," Just a whisper, that did not reach his ears.

"And you stayed there by choice, in the end. You had some support to get out, you just needed… a safety net. But…" Frowning, his voice picks up, shaking his head in rejection, "Doing that to a little kid? After they took Dad to his death? No…" Breathing deeply, both of them met the other's gaze, regaining their composure, their masks, "I know myself well enough, Yuuko. I can hold it in, I can try… but this, this is something I want nothing to do with. Sorry… I cannot be him."

"And… what happens if and when they come after your, or our, neck? What if they do try to strike at both us before you reach your answer?"

"Hmph… Let 'em come, then. I'll despair after I'm dead."

"…Huh?"

"I ain't letting them ruin my efforts. And this is, in a way, payback for what they did to him. So Yuuko…" Straight ahead into her gaze, her poker face, he looked, pausing for a second as she tends to do, "you better keep your end of the deal. I want my reward, and then… we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Sounds fair, I suppose. I will… be waiting for a report on your activities at 1900 hours. Until then, stay in your office and do as you like."

"Understood," He nods, she unlocks the door, and he leaves. Without waving, without a salute or a gaze back. Simply leaving, in silence.

The scientist stands up, again making herself more coffee despite the lack of any food nearby. Reading the notes she had taken during their talk, rubbing her temple as that intrusive feeling which struck her like a thunderbolt a moment ago tried to rise back up, Yuuko then pondered the readings she had scanned from the recovery session.

"It is surprising… He did endure a large recovery, despite how he piloted the Mind Seeker along Yashiro first thing in the morning," Swiping the pages of the notebook, the images in her computer, she took a few moments to align the graphs.

To think on all he had told her, about the theories, his pull as the Nucleus, and the… tachyons she hadn't told anyone about. Not in a decade, at least. Recalling his own reaction, his choice of words, what he revealed about the other experiences he had lived… what she had seen during the meeting within the guard's complexions… and above all else, even beyond the tidbits of her theories…

"So you'll despair after you're dead, huh? Hehe…. Hehehe…. Hahahahaha…"