Muv-Luv Reversal

by Zuoriel

Takeru has been leading a normal life until now. During the summer vacation of his second year in college he's invited by his high school friends to meet up again, to which he agrees. Shirogane doesn't know that this decision would release the nightmares that have been haunting him for some time, nightmares that would be better left forgotten.

69. Despair After Death

A/N: This chapter contains scenes of blood and violence, graphic descriptions of gore, and death of the brutal variety.

Reader discretion is advised

I repeat.

Reader discretion is advised.

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"It's always pale and hopeless

The emptiness draws walls on me

They come in and reel me along

It's you who feels the light's goin'

To feel the past you left on me,

just like the stuck goodbye

It's you who dies, in hundreds

The emptiness inside of me

keeps you out from my mind

You're always wrong and restless

Incessant words draw on me,

'cause I know what you'll find

Have you heard of 'full-on denial'?

Have you heard that 'one night can change her'?

And, you had the chance to become me?

Ever heard that chances can probe at you?

Take it in, you know you could stop it

Take it in, and you'll have to stop it

Scream it out, you have to do it

Shout it out, "I have to do it!"

Emptiness strikes you out of nowhere

Emptiness don't need any Heavens

Free the longing that's fading out of me!

Emptiness takes you to the silence

Emptiness makes me wanna cry

Free the strange you that's holding your heart down!

Emptiness strikes you out of nowhere

Emptiness don't need any Heavens

Free the fire that's burning all through me!

Emptiness takes you to the silence

Emptiness makes me wanna cry

Free the darkness that's falling down right now!

Stronger Desire!"

Emptiness and, by Takeharu Ishimoto. The World Ends with You, Nintendo DS and Switch.

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Chapter 69:

Da'at - Despair After Death

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December 3rd. Almost 10 AM.

(Ruined Battleground.)

[Takeru]

---

A small trembling shakes my legs as my Gekishin treads through the street, the tumbled and half-broken supply crates, the blasted remains of other TSFs, the general abandonment that's a staple of these ruins filling the view. A few shadows cast on me as I walk, a few threads of light squeeze through the tall skyscrapers, some wind roars through the street and makes smallest things flutter. All the while the last remaining dot continues to approach my position, never losing speed.

I'm almost out of ammo, on a Gekishin, and walking towards a Takemikazuchi. How am I not losing it is a mystery to me. I took some damage fighting the Pickles, so, if she wants to, Tsukuyomi-san can easily dispose of me in a matter of seconds. Pulling some insane dodging isn't out of my options, but I rather not expose any more of my skills if I can help it.

"Something tells me she won't do that, though." Licking over my drying lips, the odd taste of the skin and the cracks in it send a shiver down my spine. Short of helping me chill, it's making me more nervous. The silence, the repetition of the shaking as I walk onward, the echoes in the back of my head, I can only sigh while scratching an ear.

As the red frame appears on my view when it took a turn, I stop the motions and take a fighting stance. She also stops some distance away from me yet doesn't assume a battle position, her Take merely stands there under the daylight as if it were posing for a photo session or some shit. A beep in my ears, the same confirmation screen pops up in my view. The lines of neon red and blue, the request for a private line. Sigh… Say no, make them paranoid. Say yes, have to deal with their words. I again tap the controls, activating the recording, as I shake my head and also accept the encrypted connection. I do wonder if Cpt Isumi will do anything about this, even if she can't hear everything they tell me, my answers and the formation of the private connection should be coming up in my status. Maybe she's just keeping watch in case they do something stupid?

The icon of Blood 1 enters my frequency, immediately bumping up as a noise reaches my ears, a bit of coughing. "I never thought you'd be able to best both cousins, cadet Shirogane. Aren't you a gifted one?" Her sharp yet calm tone tells me all I needed to know, she's not gonna let me off easily.

"I merely did my best, 1st Lt. They sought a challenge, and I retaliated in kind. Them pickles were no match for my sickle, their attacks didn't even tickle."

"I see," composed and still as an ice waterfall, she remains serious. "I assume they both have tried to platicate with you already. Have you given some more thought to our previous offer?"

"Sigh… The answer hasn't changed, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi." There go my attempts to keep this light and peaceful, any more puns will be wasted on her ears.

"Is that so?" Small sparks fly off, sharpening her voice. "May I inquire on the reasoning?"

"Look, can you please just drop it? I… I can understand the concerns you must have, to find someone like me in this base, on Mitsurugi's squad no less. But, that ain't reason enough for you to pressure me on how should I deal with my own personal matters. I already told you all I could, please stop insisting."

A small puff of air she releases, groaning softly. "Yet, it is most foolish on your part to refuse our aid. It would not sit well with me, to turn my eyes away from the woes of a son of a fellow Royal Guard. If you have recalled anything about your father, then you already have enough intel to make a solid defense. If your recollections match with the intel in our profile banks, then this whole matter can be resolved at once. Wouldn't that be on your best interests, cadet?"

"That's assuming many things, and ignoring all the risks. Please, stop it." Again raising my blade, my boosters start to heat up.

"I know not of what you speak of, could you kindly enlighten me?" She asks, a whirlwind of dry ice meets my initial strike.

"Well, if you insist," I take a deep breath, giving the controls a few squeezes, licking and nibbling at my lips as we share a few slow slashes, as if testing the other's speed. "There is no guarantee that my claims will be accepted in the first place. In this nation, the second someone is branded as a criminal they're sent to prison for a month, and the only easy way out is for the accused to plead guilty. No way in hell the authorities will simply shrug and accept my words."

I know that's true, there was one time Uncle Koetsu told me of how he had to go bail out dad when he visited a shopping mall for the first time. You have to pay for everything you buy in its respective floor instead of taking everything to a single cashier, and since Uncle thought that to be common knowledge he didn't tell dad about it. Which caused the alarms to beep when he tried to leave a floor, and despite him apologizing and trying to go back to the cashier they called the cops on him.

Of course, no one was actually going to accuse him of theft since the cameras recorded how he instantly bowed down and all, but… dad told me he never looked the same way at cops and the guys at the posts on the roads the same, since those cops he met that day kept pushing him into admitting he was planning to steal something, to force a conviction. They didn't let him leave for a few days, until Uncle went with a representative of the shopping mall to clear things up. That fear is why he and mom always reminded me to not grab anything without telling them and why they asked Sumika to tag along with me, since when I was little I didn't have a particularly sharp attention span, and I was kind of a jerk too.

And that's only for something minor, and with dad apologizing and all, and with him being 'one of them'. I've heard more serious stories of false accusations or people getting detained for almost a month over something they didn't do simply because someone else dragged them into a fight and later accused them of starting it. There's always lots of that kind of stuff echoing on the road, me and Mikoto heard some nasty rumors when we lazed about in the arcade or the shopping district. But it was kind of a taboo to speak about that back home, so I only ever brought it up if the news boasted about the 'perfect security system' we had going on. It's always the same though, everybody simply says that you should plead guilty, accept that you made a miss, bow down and take the blame. And while that is well and good for small mistakes like not knowing how things are sold in a shopping mart…

I ain't planning to find out what they do in this extremely nationalist Empire to people who fake their identity, and 'come from America' to boot. Honestly, if I ever have to restart this loop, I'm telling Yuuko to put I'm actually from the moon or some shit. I think I'd get less nasty looks if I said I'm a BETA or if I openly tell people I'm a time looper.

Small parries, dust kicks up. Fluid currents of slashes come my way, deflected as I stand my ground and recall Meiya's defensive advise, the nine points of contention. "And second, I find it quite odd that you're all insisting so much. One would think you have an ulterior motive." Pressure on the pedals, pressure on the sticks, pressure on my back as the rockets flicker and flare up.

"Excuse me?" Fire within the ice, cracks in the veil, delays in her counters.

"1st Lt Maya Tsukuyomi accused me of being a dead man when we met in this base, you yourself said to Mitsurugi that she should not involve herself with the likes of me and that you also would not do so."

Her Take jumps away, yet the cramped space of the street doesn't allow it to move far away enough. Having more speed is moot in the narrowness of all this rubble, and my slashes keep finding her blade, the simplicity of the Gekishin's patterns allow me to circumvent the limitations swiftly as opposed to her careful piloting. While her Take lightly steps on the road, gliding as if dancing a ballet of destruction when attacking, I simply keep moving forward, kicking cars, lightposts and whatever the hell those rusted metal parts are supposed to be as I frontally charge at Tsukuyomi-san, spinning and spinning, changing the place I strike with every swing.

"Then, the cousins tried to 'make me disappear in the mud' but received no punishment for their assassination attempt on my head. And despite me handing over the sword in good faith, despite how I protected Mitsurugi, you and the General have kept pushing for answers you do not deserve, since you're not the government and have not come with any documents that explains the inquiries."

Reaching the end of the street, she has to take a curve, decelerating to not eat bricks. Yet, I again manage to take it In-In-In with no loss of momentum and again lunge at her. She's easily parrying all of my attacks, but with so little space available Tsukuyomi-san has only a few choices left. She either keeps defending or she attacks me frontally. If she attacks, I lose on purpose, or not since I doubt I could measure up to a Type-00 with a Gekishin, modified or not. Yet, she merely matches my stride, a mirror in perfect reflection. Only that instead of the graceful and precise movement, I simply endow sharper and faster dodges on the curves. My fuel is running low and my leg joints are already in orange, but damn, I can't believe I'm actually crossing strikes with a Takemikazuchi. Isn't as if she wasn't trying entirely, either.

"And, what are you getting at, cadet?" She asks, blazing as my jump units when I boost away from her piercing rush, which instead breaks quite a few windows and rains glass shards all around us, reflecting the light.

"Well, I already spoke with you yesterday and told you my why I'm not reaching out to your organization. Yet, all of you seem to care quite a lot about how I could get taken to court. Is there anything you'd like to reveal to me, 1st Lt? Because I find your actions quite odd."

Choking for a sec, she then coughs again, regaining her chill as she gives me a breather. "You've listed a sequence of unfortunate events, nothing more. All of that was caused by the error that occurred to the databases. And we are trying to mend our mistakes by offering you our aid. While I comprehend your concerns, I can assure you that, if you accept our proposition, no claims will fall on your shoulders."

"And, if I still refuse?"

"…May I ask why would you?"

"I dunno, because something tells me I shouldn't? You already have the blade with you, no one will know of it ever being in my hands. If I get screwed, it's on me. It's easier for you to turn around and ignore me, isn't it? To let me take the fall on my own? Hell, if I go to prison, you and your relatives will get lots of praise for dealing with an outsider in a fitting manner, won't you?"

"Insult me no further, cadet Shirogane. We're only acting in this way to guard you from any possible repercussions. I at the very least have no intention to leave your goodwill unrewarded," fast and furious are the flames and frost that she speaks, tone raising in bother and threat as much as her sword does now. "We of the Royal Guard are the protectors of the people, after all. It is in our honor code, for we are to safeguard our nation and fellows at all times. We are the Empire's vanguard, the Shogun's sword. To deceive you in such manner would be equal to treason towards the ideals we are meant to uphold, after all. By the by, have you heard of the honor code, cadet Shirogane?"

My brows narrow, my lips shrug as a few cold pokes tickle my sides."…Yes, I have."

"Oh?" She then remains silent for a sec, with only the windy howl running through the ruins reaching my ears. "What do you think of it, then? Is it not quite an inspiring mantra to follow?"

It would be easy to lie. Sighing, I roll my neck.

It would be easy to just say yes, or to move and fight again. Almost closing my eyelids, my lips retract.

It would be even easier to just shut up. But I shake my head, the cold hands now resting on my nape, leaning the chilly sensation over my back.

"No, I don't think so."

"Hm? May I ask why? I believe it is very rousing, and it allows our fellows to march on amidst the adversity," Tsukuyomi-san says with much affirmation, bright and warm as the incoming sunlight.

But still, my lips remain shrugged as I slowly take in some air. "If living with a potato sack over your head is what you prefer, by all means keep following that thing."

"Pardon me? Could you kindly explain yourself?"

"Sigh… I've heard similar codes and credos in my time in the military. All of 'em serve the same purpose, to dull the pain and give everyone a reason to keep walking. One could say they're a necessary part of the lifestyle, maybe of the lives of everyone affected by this long war."

"Then, why would you use such insulting a word as-"

"Because those codes are mistaken."

"…How so?"

"Those codes tell that all you gotta do is to look ahead, to stop looking around. Just move on without thought, until you eventually die. Be it forcing a smile and clamping your woes in the surface pilot code, sealing your troubles away with drugs or hypnotherapy, convincing you and the rest that you can only contribute by making your death count, or taking pride in embracing death as your out to reality."

So that you don't think much of all the casualties, of all the fuck ups the ones high above do, of all the unforced mistakes they make. And it ain't even about the war or the battles, where logistics already give us quite the middle finger on their own. Go and tell me that Yuuko puking her intestines out was justified, that the regime the IRG put her under in Sendai was justified because she was shouldering an honorable burden, because she'd embraced the risks and braved through the pain. Go and tell me my Meiya's struggles were justified, as all the members of the Group dunked on her, had her work deep into the night only to come back and barely manage to hold herself together.

Just because those bastards didn't approve of me they kept on pressuring her, to do what's right and 'make it up to the Group' for choosing 'someone who couldn't immediately contribute' to the business. From bed to work, from work to bed, no time to rest, no time to do anything other then serve and work. Until one fucking day she obviously could not go on, but the fever she had was proof enough it was too late for regrets. Oh, and of course that was my and her fault, due to all the 'stress' she had to deal with due to having 'an unworthy partner'.

And don't even get me started on all the bitching we had to deal with during my first loops after the shuttles were prepared, or in the horrid planning of Iceberg where most of the troops were sent only as meat shields, despite the G-Bombs we had. There was no need for that carnage, all that we required was to clear the lasers as we did in Operation 21st. And if we managed to hold out against BETA that used our tactics against us during last loop, it means that there was no reason for Iceberg to be the massacre that is was when we had the full support of the MDF and the IRG, plus the presence of the US Army. But guess what? Up until everything gets fuzzy, Iceberg was far worse than our offensive on Sadogashima during last loop.

Sighing again, relaxing the iron maiden my mouth had become, the noose my hands became over the controls, I shake my head as I hunch over. "I get it, I'm also a soldier. Sometimes, you gotta stand up, brush your teeth, get a mask in place and trudge on. Sometimes, it's days on end, week after week of meetings and plans that go wrong. Sometimes life's a bitch and keeps rolling you one after one on the dice. But even so, glorifying death as the ultimate solution should never become the standard mantra of any army."

People give their all in the war efforts, they leave their lives wherever it is they're fighting from, from Sensei to the patrolling MPs. So, just a little of empathy isn't such a great trade-off to ask, I believe. A simple small hope, small specks of progress in little details, to deter the constant deteriorating state, the bad news that keep on coming. But what does the system do to prevent all that doom and gloom from taking root? How do those high up protect their pawns? Short answer, they don't give a fuck. Trauma? Get drugs. Too much work? Keep at in even if you puke blood. Lack of supplies? Send a few noobs and bothersome squads as meat shields. Small repairs or little fixes? Deal with them on your own.

And they never pay for it. And those who try to help and make things work? They suffer accidents. Convenient accidents, I dare say.

"I do not believe your judgment to be correct, cadet Shirogane," she says, low and firm, an arrow in warning. "There is much that these codes do for our soldiers. It tells much about a person, they way in which they choose to perish."

"…And you think they want to follow those impositions?"

"Eh?"

"What if they don't get a say in it? I don't think the last seconds of a life can always serve to depict what kind of person one was."

Do you think my squad wanted to die to the Tanks during Iceberg? Do you think Chizuru's death meant anything as the acid dissolved her whole? Do you think Kei exploding to buy us a few seconds meant anything in the end? What did it say about Miki, to die screaming as her refurbished Gekishin failed at the most crucial time? What did the deaths in my world meant? What did it say about them, to die under a lightpost, to be electrocuted to death, to be burned alive, or to disappear in an explosion or in a cold hospital bed? Don't screw me with me, Tsukuyomi-san.

"It is most unproper, to dismiss the sacrifice of your fellows." She retaliates, raising a blade and reflecting some shine, both in real life and in her words.

So I can't help but to frown. "Even if there is no meaning to be honored in their passing?"

"What are you getting at, cadet?"

"Nothing too complex. A squad leader is taught to protect its underlings, and the more you scale the ranks, the more that responsibility grows. Yet, at some point of the chain, those mantras start popping up, people stop looking down, start waving hands dismissively or rolling their eyes. And those codes cannot be the sole answer to every issue we face."

It's always the same. And it ain't as if everyone was just looking elsewhere. Even during my first loops, despite most Americans being douches with a superiority complex who just wouldn't shut the hell up about how they were tired of being 'the international police', there were some who did try to make a good difference.

O'Connor was kind of a prick to Kasumi, but never did he leave his staff without proper supplies or time to tackle any random problem that popped up. And he did try to get us better units to pilot despite the reiterated negatives of the Empire, and did try to back us up when the food menu was changed. 2nd Lt Ziffer also was always trying to mediate between the American troops and ours during all the trainings, and actually used my squad as a role model for the other UN squads of the base that came in after the protection of the shuttles started. And Major Oliver always insisted to have our squad face off against their guys, to silence all the complains the newly stationed yanks had. He was a good comrade, despite being kind of an eccentric gun lover.

And they weren't alone in their struggles, either. Tama's dad kept on trying to keep things peaceful between the UN and the more intense ones in the MDF and IRG with Marimo-chan's help once she went back to being a Major in the Fuji Corps. And the few guards that lent me a hand in reaching Sensei back in Sendai also wanted to collaborate with us, despite the scorn they surely received. And back then, I think you also remained as our ally, Tsukuyomi-san. That's why-

"I think you could understand, 1st Lieutenant. Forging a new future is something only those who remain alive can do, and one day we will return to normality, despite whatever new troubles come our way. That's why I think it's better to part ways with those codes, all they do is ingrain the notion that to have a 'noble death' is the only card left for us. And that ain't true."

Otherwise, people will end up like the newer cadets of my first loops. Children taken from their homes, only knowing how to wield a gun. Having fun? Projects of their own? Hobbies, pastimes? No, their only dream was to pilot a Shiranui. And yeah, I better than anyone get how inspiring that can be, but if they don't gain anything beyond that then they're basically done for once the war is over. Not to mention, if all they can do is aim for a noble death then, what do we do with the survivors? Are you telling me there's nothing they can do to regain their own lives beyond being pawns in a chessboard? That they have no choice but to keep on fighting until they either die or keel over?

It makes me retch, want to spit out, it's as if I had something digging, clawing inside me, hollowing me out. And I know you wouldn't accept a future to end up like that, Tsukuyomi-san. Despite your cold facade, I'm sure you still tried to lend a hand so that things worked out during my first loops. I'm sure that same resolute yet almost motherly side you always showed me back home, be it when we lived together or when I married Meiya, has to be somewhere within you. That's why you're insisting so much, right? If you truly regret what caused him so much pain, if you don't want to have me be erased as he was, if you all are truly feeling guilt over his death, then you should know better than anyone what I'm trying to say.

Yet, I hear her sighing, heavily at that. "Those views may hold some value elsewhere, but in this Empire we must all stand together for the future of our nation." Another blizzard blasts off from her lips, the whip of a freezing bite lurking in her words. "Everyone must contribute something, and watering the roots of hope with one's own blood is nothing short of the greatest honor one could aim for. You stand today because someone sacrificed their life to protect this land of ours, we are still standing today because many bravely offered their blood to halt the invasion. To aim for a better future is remarkable, but you should never forget what you are required to do, cadet Shirogane. Otherwise, you… may lose your path if you wrongly assume everyone else to be against you, the only one who can see 'the truth'."

"…Then, all we can do is nod along and ignore the carnage around us?" Again, choking my controls, her words sink in my ears like viper's fangs.

"I never said anything of-"

"Is that how you operate, Royal Guard? Just discard anyone who isn't useful anymore, just keep sending pawns into the grinder?"

"Cadet Shirogane, do not mock me. I am merely allowing a conversation on this matter, do not test my patience."

"You're free to drop the private connection you yourself requested, then." With a simple jerk of the controls, my Gekishin starts running towards her, blade raising already.

Taking a low guard, she parries the strike. A flurry of slashes, a blurry whirlwind followed by the beeping in my ears, notifying me that my blade is on its last legs. And it's followed by a grunt, a forceful sigh as she fails to hit my legs. "Is this truly how you wish to conduct yourself, cadet? To bite the hand that offers you aid?"

"I already asked you to drop it. And it seems our views don't match, so there's little point for us to keep talking," I say, tensing my abs as I retract a feet of my unit, raising my blade while merely limiting myself to block the strong gale the red beetle sends my way.

"Why must you be this contrarian?" She complains, again sighing. "There is little that can be done at times to athwart dread from one's heart, that is why we hold onto such mantras. I can…" a small grunt as she deflects my strike, our blades locked as our TSFs tightrope on crumbling concrete, "only praise your desire to safeguard your fellows' future, yet there is much left for you to learn. Those who lead us can only do so much, and they too live by example to bolster our spirits. Perhaps, you could learn much by observing your superiors and those who watch over them Empire? I believe that- Ugh!"

Thrusting the controls even more forward, the tip of my blade makes contact with her head visor as my weight topples onto the red frame. As the daggers in the arms come out and meet the light, cutting the air and aiming for my wrists, my feet stomp the pedals, ramming my Gekishin onto her machine. Jumping away is all she can do to break away, to not fall down flat on her ass, yet a quick shot of my gun sends a few cars flying off, a few patches of debris cleared. Landing on now uneven ground, she has to take a second to stabilize her machine and thus can only parry my incoming hack and slash. The Take's arms rise forth like a geyser, seeking to sink into my armor, yet it was obvious she'd do that. So I let go of the pedals, my sword still up in midair in its full deceit, as my gun now has a clear aim at her cockpit, ready to rain pain.

Shaking, much shaking meets my push as my vision blurs for a sec. Orange numbers on my legs, she shot at them and fucked up my balance. I still hit one of her shoulders, that's now dripping yellow paint.

A few gasps and grunts, she fumes in silence as her Take regains its footing amidst the junkyard, the right arm twitching as the shoulder should be no longer fully operational. "What caused such an outburst towards me, cadet?"

"We're in the middle of a battle, it is not my fault you're not taking me seriously."

"…Is this truly what you wish to do, then? To ignore my words and strike at me while I'm extending a hand your way? You may not have another chance such as this, I do not believe it wise for you to spawn rifts with possible allies, considering your situation."

"What's next? You're gonna give me fifteen minutes to reach the correct answer?" Because you're no one to do that, my world's Tsukuyomi-san was someone I knew would give sound advice all the time, except when it came to romance. But, you? You've shown your words to not be worthy of a second in my ears.

"Wh-What?" Silenced for a sec, a few small gasps and chortled words come out of her lips, her verbal gun jammed with an invisible gag. "I… Ahem… I do not recall to have threatened you in any way. All I did was point you to a few examples you could follow."

"And do you think it's fair, to place, to impose all of your dreams and expectations on the frail shoulders of a single person?"

"Huh?"

"How do you think they feel? Do you think they're some sort of supernatural being? That they truly favor those mantras you speak of? How do you think it feels, to be made into an Atlas who holds the whole world on its shoulders day and night?"

Do you think Yuuko truly believed in the Guard's code? Of course she didn't, but she had no other allies to lean on. So she simply nodded, accepted their terms, shielded Kasumi, her friends and family, and simply kept pushing forward in Sendai, in the only path she had to keep working on her research in hopes of finding any new allies. Same on last loop, despite how she only built a perfect hell for herself Yuuko just kept pushing on to save the world from the G-Bombs. And the same for my Meiya, who tirelessly did her best efforts to measure up to the expectations of the Group and the rest of the nation. It makes me choke, seeing parts of those worlds. And maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about Yuuhi, and that's why he remained on the Guard.

So I cannot agree with your words, to simply discard those who are seen as useless, to drone on while not hesitating on all the sacrifices, to deem them as obvious. To again throw all of the responsibility onto a single person, without even offering them my shoulder, is a mistake I won't ever repeat. Perhaps I'm being stupid, perhaps there really is no other way than to surrender to this being a cruel, crapsack world and acting in consequence. But even then, I rather be an idiot for the rest of my life if the alternative is to surrender my wish to see change and give others the same happiness I enjoyed growing up. Because our future is crying, and I ain't gonna look aside. It's up to me to make it smile, to endeavor to be part of the solution.

"Still, such selflessness is truly worthy of praise, cadet," she states, submerging herself in a quiet lake, raising her blade once more. "It is their struggle which spurs people to act and not surrender to despair."

"Why not dare them to live? Why insist on everybody having to die to make any progress?" Taking my pose again, I push the pedals, force her to parry and take a step back.

Yet, the counter comes right after me as if an inevitable shadow it were. "It is better to face reality head on than to wallow in wishful thinking or fall into wrath. Only when you're serene can you truly make the correct choices, take the necessary steps towards the quickest solution."

"Then, if Meiya was your leader, would you surrender to sacrificing her if it was the easiest thing to do?"

"What? I- Ugh!"

Eating another slash, to her arms this time, she parries the follow up, and the next cyclone of her blade again hails glass around us as I backboost. Chasing after me, she cannot connect her attacks as I bounce off the ground into a curve while she has to decelerate.

"You wouldn't, would you? Because you care, because you'd rather die yourself than see her hurt, right?" That's why you asked me to look after her, that's why you trusted in me to take Meiya to Sagiri during the coup, that's why you took me to the hill and waited for me and even confronted Takahashi-san at first, that's why you didn't give up on me when I couldn't bring out results instantly after Meiya chose me.

"…My feelings have nothing to do with my duty," Dry as ice, raging as a typhoon.

Beepings on my ears, crouching to avoid the paint, sliding to take a curve and not end up hollowed out like the buildings that meet her blade. "For real? You mean what makes you who you are has nothing to do with what you choose to do with your life?"

"My duty comes before my own selfish wishes, cadet. What a servant like me feels is unimportant when compared to the fate of the Empire at large."

"…Do you really believe that?"

"Indeed I do. A small compromise on my end is preferred over seeing those I should protect facing damnation… or losing their way. Where are you going with these questions, cadet?"

"…Nowhere. I was just trying to see who you really are." Sighing, I hunch over, barely even paying mind to the piloting as my eyelids start to close, blurring the cockpit and the projection.

And I can already see you're nothing like the Tsukuyomi-san I met in my other loops, even she held doubts towards their code. That's why she did support me and Meiya being together, instead of shunning me off like others did, like the Three Idiots. And even in my other loops, I think I remember her coming to the base to negotiate. Despite her cold demeanor, I think you still weren't fully absorbed by that mantra to live only to die for the greater good, seeking honor in your grave, only working for the immediate profit of the Shogunate like a puppet.

Yet, again, there's this void in my chest, this searing pain in my neck, and my heart kind of shrinks a bit. "And I can see you're not someone I would refer to as an ally. So, I'm going to cut the connection. I've said all I wanted to."

"What? Wait a moment, we haven't-"

"Please, stop. You and me will never see eye to eye, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi. It's clear to me now, my doubts towards you guards were right on point."

"Speak no further balderdash!"

She flares up, erupting suddenly into another blizzard. More paint comes my way, the sudden jump I have to make fuses me into the seat, my teeth onto one another. A loud crash tosses me around some more and the response fades from my controls. Sigh… Stupid shock countermeasures.

"I've already told you we are more than willing to lend you honest support, there is no need for you to surrender to facing a trial, much less to dismiss our aid over semantics." Her blazing voice towers over me as does her machine, which slowly paces my way with the blade resting on the undamaged shoulder, hogging all the daylight again. "Furthermore, do you believe this is what your father would have desired? If he was a fellow and worked day and night for your sake, I am certain that he would not wish for you to isolate yourself in such a manner. You should honor their sacrifices, and ensure you also protect something as valiantly as they did to their last breaths."

"…What?"

"I believe your parents must have sacrificed much to keep you safe. Have you ever thought of that? Of how it must have been for them to stand up every day for you? There was little else they could do, yet they certainly protected your future above all else. Their efforts did not go unrewarded. Do you not want to honor their wishes with your own endeavors, cadet?"

"What was that?"

"I said, I believe you should reflect on all your family must have gone through to keep you safe. Sometimes, such concessions are unavoidable. Thus, shouldn't you follow their example instead of showing such scorn to our traditions?"

"What the fuck was that?" Punching the concrete, widening the cracks, my Gekishin stands up.

"E-Eh? Excuse me, did I say something unproper?"

"Do you know how it feels, to wake up drenched in cold sweat every fucking day?"

"What? Wait, what are you-"

"Do you know how it is to know everything would have been better if you hadn't been there? Do you know how it feels to deal with the silence as the night comes?"

The dread that they might die any day, the fear that no amount of training or exhaustion could shake off me. The dread of waking up back home in silence, hearing no buzzing in the kitchen, no noise from the TV or the radio. What the fuck do you know?

Do you even know how he felt when mom was in the hospital, when dad started crying at the graveyard? What worthy sacrifice? You took dad to his death, and then left little me all alone. Almost like what they did in my first loops with our troops, not even appearing to lend a hand when shit hit the fucking turbine.

The IRG wasn't present in Iceberg for the most part, they were reserved 'as a last measure' despite being the ones with the most advanced machines in the Empire. But even then, as my squad died, I saw none of you amidst my memories. It wasn't a sacrifice, it was a premeditated massacre. That's what Iceberg was, and I'm sure that's what Shura's Dance was as well. Yuuko wouldn't have reacted as she did when I brought it up otherwise.

"I… I apologize, cadet Shirogane," Tsukuyomi-san says, sheathing herself, again sinking in the lake, deeper. "Still, I believe you are proof of their endeavors. You are still here, which shows their sacrifice did bear fruit. Certainly, someone worth your father's trust must have ensured you remained in good health, that their efforts truly were not wasted."

"What the hell do you know?" You weren't even there in the memories, you don't know anything. Or you're playing dumb, trying to trip me.

"E-Excuse me?"

"And even then, you don't have to deal with the echoes." The dreams, the memories, and the hope.

The hope that they are still safe over there, that nothing is going wrong back in my world despite me being here now. The hope to try and make everything right in this loop, only to be repeatedly backhanded by a windmill at every corner. The hope he had to make himself useful, to not be a burden, just as I was when I hustled to do anything to lend Meiya a shoulder.

But unlike me, only darkness met his efforts. And unlike me, who chose that path on my own, he was thrust into that and left behind as some useless thing. When that happened to me at the start of the loop, I found people that gave me a reason to stand up every morning besides 'wanting to go home' or 'staying alive'. That's why I'm here, still fighting. But, there was not a single grain of kindness in those memories.

So I punch the seat repeatedly, breathing in and feeling fire on my throat. Failing to calm down, to keep my tongue quiet. "Do you know how frustrating it is? To know you're virtually useless on the important things? To be aware of all that falls alongside you the second you take a wrong step?"

"I… I apologize, I didn't mean to-"

"Everything falls down. Everything can go wrong," so I sigh, rolling my eyes, chuckling for a second. "And it would be easy, you know? To scream and point fingers, to place blames on someone else. It'd be really easy, to just shut up and keep on walking. To take drugs, to drown in a glass of alcohol, to run away." To be a coward, like I was when Marimo-chan died. It'd be so easy, to wallow in self-pity, in how hard I have it.

But then, if I do nothing, who helps my friends, my beloved ones?

No one will.

When will the good times come back?

Never.

If it's just a tomorrow that you want, simply look at the sun rise and fall. But that won't be a happy world, you might as well be dead inside.

But I had people with me every time I stumbled, who helped me see the path forward even by cold and ruthless means.

That's why I'm done with settling for a sacrifice. I'm no longer a simple pawn, even if there is a lot of stuff I don't get. I ain't here just to score a draw. To reach a true solution, to give others what I enjoyed, to be for those who ask for help the same support I was given when I was about to jump into the abyss.

Just because reality is a piece of shit doesn't mean I should be one, too. Just because something is 'impossible' doesn't mean I can't try.

But I know it very well, the moment when you cannot chose, when you can only grit your teeth and push on. And it fills my mouth with that acid taste, with cold shivers on my back, on my feet, all over me.

"There is no joy to be found in martyrdom. Sure, eventually everyone gets a reality check and meets cruelty for the first time, everyone loses their naivety at some point. That doesn't mean I'd surrender to that cruelty being the standard, to simply accept there is nothing we can do to change for the better. And no, I don't think that a father that was sent to a cruel death is something worthy of praise, Royal Guard."

"What?! Kag- Your father was most certainly not sent to a cruel death, cadet."

"Whether he did or not matters little. He had no choice but to lay down his life, to become a sacrifice. And while there is no victory without death in war, I don't believe holding that in such high regard is doing anyone any favors. After all, when dad died I was left alone, alone in the silence." And I'm just one. How many more lives do you need to ruin to see that sparing just a tiny speck of kindness and empathy towards others can make a huge difference in their future? Just look around at the wasteland that surrounds the base, isn't there enough shit in the world already?

"What are you saying? Honoring our legacy and the sacrifices of our comrades is a given for any soldier! Furthermore, your father's sacrifice, like those of many others, was nothing short of a heroic action worthy of much praise."

"…Even when you're just sending them to their deaths? Even when you're basically abandoning them to their own luck?"

Go ahead, tell me my squadmates deaths meant something in Iceberg. Tell me the deaths in the base's defense weren't just part of a carnage. Tell me dad's death was good for little me's future. You know whose deaths mattered? The ones from the carrier fleet as they jumped straight into the lasers to let the XG land safely, the ones from the orbital divers that cleared the way for us to enter Kashgar. Cpt Isumi, Kashiwagi, Hayase and Haruka-san on their respective moments, when throw against the wall they kept struggling to make a positive difference on their own volition. The deaths of my squadmates at the last stretch of the raid on Kashgar, to keep the XG safe and sound. And even then, we didn't have enough support. A single minute that we delayed in reporting our victory, the same shitheads that went through Iceberg would have started Trident instead, dooming us all to death.

…And not all those deaths were necessary. Meiya didn't have to die back then. If she had only kept her cool, but of fucking course not. Having the last S-11, wanting to honor the lives of her comrades, perhaps of her only friends, of course she would charge forward and not listen to me. And if Sensei had kept her desperation for a solution in check, I'm sure she'd have realized something was wrong in the calcs. Maybe the sharing of data would still have happened, but it wouldn't have caught us with the zipper down.

"Perhaps there is little to be done," she says, low, void and gray as the eternal wasteland the BETA leave behind. "Could you kindly consider how little choice we have? If it is a toss between fear and bravery, certainly you'd agree with me that facing death with honor is the better alternative?" Running shortly, our blades meet, more windows crack, more glass hails about.

"Never have you thought about why you see the world in such a black and white tint? Why are the only options available death and more death? How can you ever hope to inspire others if you don't try to generate pluses for the people you wanna protect?" Concrete falls down, cars are compressed under our feet.

A localized typhoon could have struck the place as everything is sent flying at one point, or is scorched by a sudden boost. Small fires remain behind the wreckage, the buildings left torn open like a watermelon on a beach. And despite my best attempts at actually putting up a fight, she keeps me in check at all times, deflecting my strikes as if she had a guarding gale all around her, as if my best attempts were just a frail leaf waddling on the air.

"Not everybody has that choice, cadet. Hoisting such animosity will only poison your mind. If you do refuse to see the good points of what had to be done, how do you plan to move forward?" Tsukuyomi-san says as she chases after me, closing the distance despite my precise power slides on the curves.

"And if the ones who lead others refuse to search for better solutions, thinking of making trades with death, then nothing will ever improve. You always have time to do something else, even if it's only a little."

"In some regards, nothing is better than something. These views, while noble, could create rifts into our ranks. And, they could certainly spawn much animosity towards our rulers, to send impossible impositions onto their shoulders."

"So, all we can do is play along and die?!"

"I did not say such a thing! All I'm saying is, sometimes there is no time to do anything else. Honor the bravery of the fallen, value all that they've left you so that you can also display such fortitude when it is your time to do battle. Do not allow yourself to fall into such a septic hole of anger, sometimes we lack the time to do anything except endure the adversity, to bask in the required tenacity to fight to the last breath."

And, guess what? Why did Sensei have no time, why did she push herself to the point of sicking the BETA on her own troops? Why did Meiya not listen to me, why did she shut her eyes away from other paths and charged at the Superior? Because of these views, that there's only one way forward. That any sacrifice is permitted so long as you reach your goal. After all, they're valiant concessions from brave souls who strived towards a noble and meaningful death.

Gripping the controls, my Gekishin starts walking towards the red again. Something starts hitting the back of my head, shivering in cold as we trade strikes, as I shoot my last remaining bullets. And it bangs, and pounds, and slams, and cracks, and hurts, and it hurts. It hurts, to know there was something else I could have done. To hear you all refuse that, to insist that you can only make yourselves useful by dying.

"So their deaths are justified, is that what you're getting at?"

Come on, say it. I fucking dare you.

I dare you to say it, that dad dying could not be avoided.

I dare you to say I had no choice but to kill Meiya, that it was 'right' because it was an 'honorable and valiant death'.

That what was left behind was worth all that was lost, despite Sensei getting sent to prison or worse, despite how the same bastards that had no concern over ruining our future were the ones who remained in power, most likely. And it's even worse in my first loops, since the BETA must have reached the planet of the fleet, assuming they made it safely of course. My lover, my heart, my everything, they all died too. Kasumi died too, along everyone else. Just think on how they must have felt, to reach their destination, only to try to see how the Earth was faring and see it half submerged and the other half probably killing itself. And you say that's a decent future, a good outcome for all the struggles of this war? Dad died to protect the future of someone you abandoned first chance you got, that was worth it? For a future that'll only lead to more death and hopelessness?

I dare you to say it, Tsukuyomi-san. That all the cruelty is warranted, that all this tragedy is the only logical conclusion. Come on, now.

"I can understand your grief, to recall your parents' passing," she begins, slowly and softly, as if whispering to a kid by the bed, while one of her arms threatens lethality upon my blade, "yet, there were few options available at the time. I believe that they lived nobly until the very end. You should be proud, to yet live and remember their shining bravery, to be able to impart such lessons to another."

…

"After all, I believe you must have had someone who looked after you then. Someone who ensured you remained safe and sound, that their sacrifice wasn't-"

"Don't you fuck with me…"

"Huh?"

"How dare you say…"

"Auugh! It burns, it burns! S-Shirogane… please, kill me!"

"How can you say… I should be proud of their deaths…"

"No! I don't wanna be eaten! Takeru-san, help me!"

"I did not say that you should-"

Inhaling sharply through clenched teeth, I yank and bend the controls, hacking and crashing my rugged blade against her defense. "What the fuck… do you even know?!"

"…Pull the trigger, Takeru."

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?! What the hell could possibly outweigh all the sacrifices you plan to do?!"

"I love you, Takeru. I only hope that all I left behind is enough to give you as happy a life as you deserve."

"Are you saying there's no other way? That having everyone die for your supposed honorable future is all we can do?!"

Deflecting my strikes, taking step back after step back, the Takemikazuchi lunges forth, binding my arms. "Cadet Shirogane, please calm down! I never said anything of the sort, nor am I trying to antagonize you. I merely believe your parents did a noble sacrifice for your sake!"

"What noble sacrifice?!"

"Burden. Trouble. Eyesore. Bother"

The red alert comes into my view, the overload chime raging on my ears.

"As if you have any right to talk about them!"

"They're gonna make me go away, or send me to some distant role."

A beep in an odd rhythm, a pair of crimson eyes zoom into view. And a frown, followed by quite the shaving voice. "Cadet Shirogane, I will have to ask you to regain your composure. Otherwise, I will have to-"

"You stay outta this!"

"W-What? I am your superi-"

"Shut up! You didn't speak up during all this time, despite how the connection to a private frequency should've been coming up in my logs, so do me a solid and go eat some dirt!"

I can let go the rest of Tsukuyomi-san's words, but those last ones are not getting past me. She either retracts them or apologizes this instant! And if she doesn't, then I want nothing to do with you fuckers!

"…I guess they really are not the same anymore. Almost as if they had died, or changed completely. They… are gone, aren't they? They changed because of all this mess, right? We're going to… No, we already lost the war, didn't we?"

"Cadet, I will not allow another outburst!" Cpt Isumi warns, hitting something, quite the venom spouting from every word.

Followed by a still, frozen voice from the private line. "Please, there is no need for such words, cadet Shirogane. I was merely-"

"Are you going to take back your words, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi?" I ask, once more raising my sword to the sun.

"I merely expressed my honest thoughts to you, I see no reason to-"

"I heard enough, then. You and your holier-than-thou act of superiority can go to hell. Go and embrace death all you want, you're not even alive anymore." You're just another dog of the high pigs, another faceless mannequin. I expected more, so much more from you.

Breaking through her guard, my sword again makes contact with the frame. Immediately after, a shock runs through my body, an alarm blasts away. A punch from the dagger on the arm just fucked up my hip block. Tilting, my machine loses balance and wobbles. Change the orientation, use the weight of the blade to regain my footing, and keep moving forward!

"Such an aggressive stance…" She grunts, both arms of the Takemikazuchi again trying to restrain my Geki's wrists, her blade shaving the side of my head visor. "Cadet, this has been more than enough!"

Everything goes blurry as I roll around. Something hits my head as it feels as if a bomb exploded below me. The hiccups of the limbs and engines reach my body as I thrash within the dust, buried into a building. Standing up, repeatedly banging the controls makes my sword rise in protection, deflecting her final blow. I barely parry her strike, that sends me back into the building.

I back boost out of another one as I crush the pedals, making my unit roll and crawl on the ground, hurting the body against the debris left on the street and then go at her seriously. I may not be able to properly cancel, but I can try to do something similar, like I did in my first loop. Like hell I'll just take the blows now, after all you've said.

"Cadet, please allow me to end the battle. I meant no offense with my- Guh!"

My almost broken blade lunges at her after an improvised crouch cancel, she moves back and avoids my attack without problem, and in a fluid motion sends a slash at my head. I barely dash out of the way, again losing my balance and seeing everything in sight spin as the back of my head remains pounding and echoing in pain, my ears ringing as I keep on boosting to avoid the lethal embrace of the dancing blades of the red beetle. But she comes after me with more strikes, and no sidesteps can get me far away enough from the lightning strikes that rain on my shadow.

If that's how you wanna have it, "let's take this seriously, then!"

I dash at her, activating my jump units at the last minute. She parries my strike once more, and manages to hold back the impulse of the attack despite how her Take is bending backwards, cracking the street in twain. Yet, I turn off one blaze, spinning in place, away from her blade. As the inferno from my boosters ceases, a reaping slash aims right at her back. Yet, there's no recoil coming into me. Tsukuyomi-san activated her boosters, jumping sky high as if predicting my move, and as she lands a flamethrower comes out of her rifles, raining upon me and shaking me all over the cockpit. Again, buried my unit deep into a building.

"Augh! Shit, that hurt for real. Haa… Haa…"

"Cadet, please cease your pointless struggles."

"What was that? My struggles are… not pointless."

"Sigh. I am not implying anything foul. Allow me to end this, then we can continue to platicate once you regained your composure. Certainly, you'll see that-"

"Never."

"Please, cease this foolishness. I am only-"

"Hic… Never… I'll never surrender… their deaths were not pointless, nor were they justified…"

"Excuse me? What did-"

Crush the controls, into red alert. Everything flickers, but I'm right in front of the red. Spin, raise the arms and-

My sword flies off towards the Take, hitting its arms. As the red has to glide away, as panic floods her grunts, recoiling in pain, the machine drops its sword. A crouch dash lets me catch it in midair, holding it in a reverse grip. And again, hellfire off my boosters, crashing straight ahead into the Takemikazuchi.

She locks her daggers with the blade in another struggle, with me on the losing side of it as my Gekishin bends backwards under the pressure of the Type-00. I take a step back, the bolts give pursuit and hit my shoulder, making me lose my balance. Another alert, one of my legs is about to blow. It can't move, probably due to the paint.

And as I see the Takemikazuchi raises a second blade from its pylon to strike at me, shrouded in shadows as it carries the sunlight on its back, as a veil of dust speck circles around its frame… A sting drills itself on my heart. A twisting pain sears on my chest, below my ears, on the base of my throat, it makes me fumble with my controls. As the strike sends me into the ground, everything becomes blurry and numb. The cold sensation spreads through me as the slight pain on my chest continues to pike at me as the shaking slowly subsides.

Ugh… What are these images? Everything is blurry, cold and distant. Everything echoes, feeling so far away. Except for a shadow, a shadow that grows closer and looms over me.

"I know not of who you speak. I am merely safeguarding my nation's interests."

Who is… Why can't I breath right? What's this… heat in my neck?

"If you do choose to oppose me, then little choice do I have but to cross strikes with you."

Why does this hurt so much? Why can't I focus my vision? Why?!

Yet, when I blink, I see something highlighted amidst the twisting shadows and threads of light. A shape shrouded in shadow, a machine I've seen many times.

"Shirogane, desist on your foolish actions! If you do not, I will be forced to fight you with all of my might to subdue you."

Ugh! Khh… Gasping, clutching my chest, the pain doesn't recede. Everything goes double, as my back feels all cold, as my sight grays out, as distant screams reach my ears, as the smell of burnt steel envelopes me whole.

---

A/N: It's recommended to read the following section while listening to 'Murder' from Berserk. Also, remember the content warning. This is the last chance you have to turn back.

---

The graphs take a full dive into a crimson lake, a small chime signals danger. Thus, Isumi sighs and shakes her head. Her stomach feeling heavy, as if something were swirling within, all she could do was place a hand on her head. The words spoken by the soldier had startled her, thrown quite the challenge into her heart.

"Yet, some of them are truly too similar to the motto of those incognito soldiers from the IRG we had to collaborate with throughout all of the '99," she repines within in quite the conflict. It's as if she were balancing a set of scales, if you'd allow the comparison. On one side, the doubts and rancor she holds towards that unit, on the other, her responsibility as the leader of the STF and the general attitude of the soldier she had met.

"-with all of my might to subdue you!" Tsukuyomi so says as she raises her blade, seeing the Gekishin's arms flailing wildly amidst the rubble.

In perfect synchrony, the already dire numbers on Isumi's monitor redden and the screen starts to flash. Flinching at the sudden change, she quickly brings Shirogane's data to the center of her personal monitor, seeing that the soldier was enduring quite some strain as of now as his heartbeats skyrocketed.

"Cadet Shirogane, can you hear me?" She asks, hastily opening a connection, only receiving drowned grunts and muffled whiffs of pain. "Cadet, I repeat, can you hear me?"

The numbers do not stabilize, short of it they start to raise and raise. Another warning appears in the monitor, the screens flickers in yellow and red.

"Should I truly go through the orders?" Isumi wonders for a moment, grimacing as she brings a hand to her lips, biting a nail.

"Cadet, if you will not continue to fight, I shall deliver the finishing blow," Tsukuyomi warns, taking a fighting stance, a step closer.

"1st Lt, please wait a moment," Isumi opens the common channel, seeing the Takemikazuchi about to strike at the collapsed machine. "It would seem the cadet is going through some manner of shock, refrain from any actions until I can confirm his safety."

"What?! What do you mean?" Tsukuyomi quickly asks, jolts and bolts running through her arms, lowering the blade.

"You are not required to know, please remain in standby for the moment," Isumi says, eyes almost closing, as she opens the controls for the sedatives.

"That I cannot do." So quite the fierce answer comes from the retainer, as you'd expect. Sending her projection to the command post, a slight frown is engraved in her features. "If the cadet is injured, then I suggest to remove him from the cockpit posthaste. He might have grown nauseous after employing such reckless maneuvers."

"You are not in charge of the mock battle, 1st Lt," Isumi retorts, without even looking at the projection of the retainer. "Simply wait until the sedatives take effect, the battle is as good as finished in any case."

"To use medication on him while he's in such a state could negatively affect the cadet," she asserts with eyes blazing, despite how her obstinacy was what caused such harm to the soldier. "I ask you to reconsider."

"With what authority?" Isumi asks, lifting her chin, imitating the obstinate wall of the emerald glare. "Your words were what caused this, and do not think we haven't noticed the private frequency you set up. Please do not force me to block your ID, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi." And with a simple push of a button, she unleashes the sedatives straight into the soldier's veins.

"I'm merely expressing my suggestions to you, Cpt. I shall not dodge the blame, yet because of it precisely is why I'm asking you to refrain from any hasty decisions. I am close enough to confirm the cadet's state, there is no need-"

And so, they keep debating, debating, crossing semantics and wordplay to avoid a confrontation both were aware would not give either any spoils worth keeping. It is ironic, that due to them both wishing to alleviate the soldier's pain in the quickest manner, they do not notice what's going on as they keep on debating, their words gaining heat, spreading embers.

And right now, at this very moment, a small alarm starts to beep in quick succession in an underground laboratory. Motoko Kouzuki hurries to the monitors, almost tripping with herself as she does while rubbing her eyes under the glasses.

"What now? I thought the tests on the hardware were… Huh?" Her eyes part open as does her mouth, the small cigarette that was bound to her lips falling to the ground and leaving a trail of smoke in its descent.

For all she knew, she may have not even be wearing glasses. So she takes them off, rubs them for a moment with a small cloth, and blinks when she places them again on her person. Still, the sight did not change. Oh no, it not only didn't but it now was growing larger, noticeable on the screen without need to employ any zoom. Part of her froze in numbness as she stood lost as a penguin in a desert, the other forces Motoko to mash the keyboard quite savagely as she runs some quick tests.

Yet, the system shows no errors. And the graph keeps on growing, so I'm certain you can imagine the shock she unlocks as of now.

"Why? Why is the G-Radiation lowering all of a sudden?!" She screams to no one, before blasting towards the phone that was nearby.

The ringing on the receptor of the call, the ringing that filled Yuuko's office caused the scientist to smile for a moment, chuckle lightly at the so awaited news she expected. A bit too lightly she's taking this situation, in my opinion, yet her determination is not easy to disrupt. And in her credit, I hope you understand her predictions were mostly correct. Only mostly, because the scientist could not foresee the cracks that were spawning on her soldier's body. After all, she does not know the sedatives the army employs have quite the negative effect on him. It still does not absolve the blame, nor the truest horror she shall be feeling shortly, you'd agree.

Contorting against the restrains of his seat, as if he were surrounded by needle walls, a hand tore into his scalp, another into his chest. And all the while, as sore screams drown in his throat, as more and more he struggles against the recoil of what flashes in his eyes, a small light sparks up within the cockpit. Cerulean fireflies, that burst and spark up like bubbles. Small will-o-wisps that surge forth from his very being, from the fissures that open up all around the soldier.

A collapsed light post comes to mind, the bloody pink below it. An erratic line in the shape of lightning appears on one arm, splintering a nail in half and almost separate said finger from the hand, the little lights flying away.

Begging screams fill his ears along a melting squelch. Like a nutcracker, his jaw mows up and down as if swallowing raw steel while the cerulean glow runs into his lips, up onto his teeth like a line of gunpowder set on fire.

And a gaze of azure looks up, daring him to shoot. A gaze of red frowns, before revealing in a monotone her tribulations. His eye pupils crack in half as the glass destroyed throughout the battle, distorting his sight even more as the hazy cerulean hue envelops him whole.

Thrashing, screaming, burning, compacting onto himself as the reflex forces him to gag on empty air. Until it all ceases to be, until he starts descending.

Lower and lower, falling down as part of his shoulders seems to dissolve inwards.

Lower and lower, sinking further. Opening his mouth serves only to rain more fireflies on the cockpit, teeth and tongue entangled by the cerulean fissures.

Lower, so lower that pure silence fill his senses. Lower and lower, as eyes and ears, fingertips and nose are fully bound by the lightning.

Until it all stops. And then, there is only silence. And then, there is only cold. And a wound, a wound that should not have been reopened.

"Where… am I?"

Upon opening his eyes, Takeru finds himself staring at a visage he had grown accustomed to. The eternal wasteland, the fire and dark smoke roaring in the vicinity, the gray skies, the smell of gunpowder. Only this time, he can feel them, smell them.

Seeing it all burns his eyes, breathing makes him spit the air out. He only grows more frantic and panicked as he realizes he cannot move on his own, you'd understand.

"A memory? When did I- Is this…" He recognizes the visage, what he saw yesterday morning.

Shards of memories reach his mind, the broken ruins of many towns, the screams begging for help before fading to ashes, the smell of fuel and fire permeating it all. The scornful gazes of both cousins looming over him, fused into the twister in the sky.

"It's all for the greater good, for the sake of the Empire." Mion states, with a dismissive shake of her head and a frown.

Drops of hot wax could be falling all over him, or perhaps it is boiling water. Or maybe, the soldier is burning within, about to implode at the recollection. You'd understand, feeling the haziness, the limping of the little soldier boy sinking into nausea only serves to further ignite his frustration. And each small broken and burnt piece of the puzzle serve to add another cut into his body, his real body. Perhaps you'd allow the comparison, for even if the little soldier boy remains a small spark trudging on its own, even the smallest thing, no, especially the smallest things can spiral into quite the explosion if left near the appropriate fuel. And that darkest mire is already overflowing.

Another gaze, a gaze of strong purple shoots out, sending the walking little soldier into the ground, holding his head with both hands in desperation. "Do not waste my time! You've done nothing worth of praise, anyone could easily replace you without much effort. Do not ever dare to put up such flimsy excuses in my presence!"

Unable to identify Raiko's voice, the soldier can only seethe on his own. "Stand up… Come, on. Don't take all this shit."

Crawling on the ground, bending quivering fingers, the little soldier can only march on while dragging his gaze on the ground. Aggravating words hurled at himself, echoes reiterating incessantly, he continues to walk through the memories, the shelters, the surrounding empty glares, the shadowy figures which don't pay any mind to his presence. So the spectating soldier can only shudder at the sensations and echoes of the recollection, as if he had been tied up with barbed wires, gagged with grenade. As tears fall of the eyes of the little soldier, a voice echoes in the back of his head. And turning back, Takeru sees towering ice piercing the clouds.

"Farewell, Shirogane," an imposing and cold voice spat out in full venom, a gaze blazing blue.

Enduring the cutting ice shards that fall from the reminiscence, the constant lashing of the voices, the little soldier boy keeps on marching through the same hallways, the same rooms. Yet, everything starts to lose color, and Takeru himself cannot help but to also feel the twinge of pain on his head. For the little soldier had become a small scarecrow prey to thunders as his skin blackened, lacerated under the lack of care, the rush to continue to serve. Determined to at least do something to aid another, to not relent on his ideals, you'd understand. And I believe you can already imagine how the cerulean glow conquers the inside of the Gekishin's cockpit, glowing that gains growth when the lone little soldier of the IRG collapses onto the open field, breaking apart into a thousand pieces. After all, mere effort cannot give birth to opportunity. A lone spark cannot light up these darkest days by itself.

And so, he mulls and turns, turning and turning in pain like a worm cut in half then throw into a lake.

"I see… So it really was like Iceberg for you," Takeru concludes within himself, biting back the pain, the echoes. Separating from the fading remains, from the freezing body, the soldier stands and watches the area, and what it reminds him of. "A world that forgot what mercy meant. A cold and ruthless reality. Why did things turn out in this way?"

Slowly, the soldiers paces alongside the fallen that still crawls forward, forces himself to do so. Babel towers of papers, night patrols that know no end, cooking duties, the day stretched for the little one. So Takeru can understand the numbness, the dizziness.

"You're not even sleeping anymore, are you?" He says, managing to frown back in reality.

Numbness overflows his body as the images rotate and blur away. Zooming into his ears, a siren blasts away, a sound he recognizes all too well. So both of them watch the punishing rays of light which burn any and all allies ahead, the same hollowness forming on the pit of their stomachs. With every negative from the commanders, a piece of the young boy falls off. With every outburst of those he once confided in, his very being darkens slightly. With every ally struck down by the lasers, more cracks become visible on the little soldier. It is obvious to Takeru, why did he resonate with the plight of the young kid, with the blight that plagues his sight.

And you'd understand if his insides lurch as he reaches the end of his prior recollections, just as the heart of that young soldier was cracking apart. The sweat dropping, his throat bound by an invisible noose, the tight posture. Desperation, anxiety, a wound that remains open.

"They have to be evacuated! It will only take a single vehicle!" He shouts from the bottom of his stomach.

"The orders we were given are absolute, the defense lines must not move," A piercing slash burns their ears as a gaze of turquoise taps her glasses, frosting to the hearing. "Our orders are to stand in protection of the evacuation route of Hakuryo Base. Leave the city's defense to the MDF."

"They're being overrun by the BETA! They're not gonna make it in time to all the shelters and hospitals! Please, have some empathy!"

And so, another gaze of turquoise blazes up, and Shion counters his words with a glare which burns his. Tears well up in the boy within the cockpit, while cuts and wounds reopen in the spectating soldier.

"That's enough out of you!" The blaze of strong purple from Raiko's gaze admonishes, coming to the center of the boy's view while endowing draconian anger. "You've been nothing sort of a hindrance ever since the operation started, Shirogane. Cease your prattling this instant or I'll have you removed from the field!"

Both frown, quivering concern in the little boy, blazing anger in the spectating soldier. "But… But we have to help the civilians! The MDF won't-"

"The IRG safeguards the honor and future of the Empire, and we are guarding the roads that our nobles and those important to them shall take. If you cannot comprehend that, then you're nothing short of useless filth. We do not mingle with the MDF, it is their duty to tend to city and request our intervention when they find themselves lacking. If they refuse to reach out and admit their inferiority, the blood is on their hands."

"But it won't take us anything to-"

"Utter one more word and I'll shoot you down myself!"

"Sister, that is enough," A calm yet firm voice flows into hearing. Startled, the soldier doesn't feel as if he were fading from the memory unlike before. So this time he can see the sharpened glare of gray which zooms into view, and the minute smile that follows towards the young boy. "A few TSFs and carriers won't deter our efforts. Furthermore, some of our fellows are present in the city. May I request you send some of your men to aid the MDF, Chain One?"

"…Understood," the strong purple of Raiko's glare relents, gritting her teeth.

"A moment, Lupine One," tapping her glasses once more, Maya interjects with a frown. "You do not have the orders nor the authorization to send aid to the cities, we have received no request of any kind from the MDF."

"And the same occurred during the fall of Kyoto, with the sudden cut in communications," Masahide retorts, squinting his eyes in kind. "Also, I do not recall since when a member of another squadron has the authority to tell me how to manage my units, Horn Three."

Dizziness setting in, the soldier felt as if he were spinning, his ears full of water. "What the hell? So Maya-san really was against them, too?" And only then did he see it, the thorns that had entangled around the little soldier and the motive behind his sadness. "I see… So this is why you felt alone These people… they don't deserve the air they breathe."

A few discussions later, blurred in the recollection, the boy and other pilots are allowed to move towards the city. Joining in the rush, in the frantic pace the little soldier endows, it is quite fair to affirm Takeru's mind is focused entirely on the visions, on the pain in his chest, on the rapids that push his back onward.

Only for another blade to be thrust into the soldier's chest when another voice reaches the boy, an image shown to most pilots within the city. The calm, apathetic and disdainful smile paired with an undisturbed an eerie voice of one garbed in blue.

"Hear me well, soldiers. The BETA advance has proved to be far mightier than expected. Thus, since the UN has requested more time for their evacuation, we shall be employing the same tactic of Kyoto's farewell. All units, evacuate the city before the explosives detonate. That is all."

"Ugh! Who was… Why does this voice sound so familiar?" The cracks over his body widen and start to pulsate, to shine brighter the more the tries to recall, the more air that leaves his lungs. "What the hell… They're going to blow up the city when the body of the BETA horde marches into it? But… But…"

"But there's still people that hasn't evacuated! I'm not leaving!" The boy mirrored the soldier's wrath, his breathing hiccuping as he boosts further into the city.

"2nd Lt Shirogane, desist in your disobedience!" Mion releases her verbal viper as the warning of lock-on appears on the boy's sight. "Failure to comply to this warning will- Ugh!"

"Shut up! Get out of my way!" Without any hesitation, the pylons on his back fire off against the chasing red Zuikakus, which end up almost eating a building as they had to evade. It's as if the soldier's current indignation were fueling the boy's impulse, both of their hearts shrink, holding the same wish to arrive on time.

"Takeru, please stop!" a low voice begs, supplicates, as it gives chase to the little soldier. "You heard the orders, we have to leave the city posthaste."

"Yasomaga-san?" the soldier wonders, his adusted infestation brought to a screeching halt at the unexpected voice. "Is she on your squad? But…"

As the little soldier ignores the pleas, the panting pleas of the girl endowed in gray which follows his stride as dutifully as a shadow, tender raindrops fall on the soldier, almost translucent become the fireflies which surround him like a cocoon. Fleeting eyes, always descending as if to avoid gazing into the sun. Slow gestures, a curling of a strand of hair, the minute and almost inaudible voice, the finger pointing to a book, the pointers upon his queries on his efforts. The steps which always followed his, the guarding steps which guided the soldier when he had chosen to share his days with the Mitsurugi of his world. Little, his maid.

Takeru's attention returns to the visions as blankness mires the little soldier's mind. A caravan of evacuation vehicles run on the street, paying no mind to no speed limits. Escorted by a few humvees, the procession went their way in their escape, never stopping, never hesitating. Yet, both of them felt a knife twist in their gut. From their position in the air, they could see that boxes and machinery is what lies within the vehicles. Not people, not a single person was aboard them. A small beeping shortly follows, the radar registering quite many TSF signals ahead of them.

"This is Horn Two speaking," a relaxed voice thus spoke, again eliciting a sharp shaving on the soldier's ears. "Unidentified craft, report your allegiance."

"20th Squadron Chain, Chain Eleven, sir," young Tsuhi replies as low as she accustomed.

"Chain Twelve, here. Sir, what has happened with the evacuation?" The little soldier asks.

"You are not required to know, inductee," Makabe so answers, clicking his tongue. "As my lord Regent has ordered, all units must leave the perimeter of the city posthaste. Turn around and commence the evacuation."

"Where are the civilians? What happened to the hospitals?" He insists, his every fiber rumbling in anger at what he thought could have occurred. And sadly, his intuition was not failing him, you'd understand.

The squadron of Zuikakus enter their view, commanded by a singular red unit which was escorted by two yellow ones, the rest were a mixture of gray and black ones. Spreading in threat, they surround the little soldier's machine and Tsuhi's one. Rifles aiming up, a mere gesture from Makabe stopping their trigger fingers from confirming the lethality.

"Perhaps you didn't hear well, but I ordered you to retreat from this area, just as my lord Regent did."

"Forgive us, sir," Tsuhi quickly bows down, knees and stomach shaking. "We shall be-"

"I don't belong to your fellowship, so you cannot enforce any 'orders' on us," The little soldier counters, despite the cold shivers which claim his back the small match has been lit. And slowly it grows, as if wanting to match the soldier's twisting fire."I was tasked with confirming the safety of the civilians sheltered in the closest hospital. Do you know if they've evacuated, sir?"

"Do not make me waste my time. Those stationed there have valiantly asked us to evacuate, since they saw they wouldn't make it in time," He says while smirking at the matter, heartless and uncaring. "Do not soil their sacrifice, and evacuate at once."

"I don't believe you." Uncle Koetsu should be in the hospital, he wouldn't have given up on the evacuation.

"I won't repeat myself. Turn around and evacuate."

Frowning, contorting in a desire to choke the light out of Makabe's eyes as the spectator was, the little soldier starts to heat up his boosters. "I've got my orders to ascertain their wellbeing, and you're neither my squad leader nor part of my fellowship."

"Damn bastard, who the fuck would believe your lies?" He blazes, almost reprimanding the little boy for not opening fire on those sons of an eldritch bitch. A minute shiver he feels, as slow as the scars over his body quiver and distort, encompassing his body as the fireflies do, as if trying to bind and restrain the soldier.

Raging like a storm in open sea then he yells when the little soldier's Zuikaku is tumbled by the incoming fire of the surrounding guards. A moment of disorientation blurs the little soldier's mind, which he quickly replaces with seething anger as he tries to make his machine move, yet the limitation of the system keeps him stranded.

"I've no time to waste on a filthy baseborn. You, tozama," Makabe speaks, low, towards Tsuhi. "I advise you to follow my suggestion, evacuate this instant."

"H-However, my fellow-"

"Hmph, he can do what he desires with his worthless life. Do not let a peasant fog your vision, there are certainly better fellows awaiting your trust. Now then, all of you!" Taking a step forward, his Zuikaku then raises its blade towards the sky. "We have loitered long enough. We shall rendezvous with the triumphant escape of Takatsugu-sama, the hero of this evacuation. Let us make haste, for we need to catch up with the detachment that's on the road."

With a loud cheer, all those present revel in the orders as their boosters heat up and they begin to fly away. Without any speck of hesitation or regret, might I add. Yet, delaying his departure, Makabe sends his projection to little Tsuhi, employing a thin smile.

"Please do not dally in joining us, miss. The detonation is not too far off."

Tsuhi merely nods silently, quickly looking at the thrashing Zuikaku that struggled to stand up on its damaged legs. The plating burnt and tearing off, its almost as if it had been cuddled by a Destroyer, if you allow. Blinded to the surroundings in the memory, the soldier simply shares the frantic jerk of the controls, the crazed inputs in the system to try and find a way to stand up once more. Yet, where the one spectating finds a void, a moment of silence where he would have clenched his teeth were he corporeal at the moment, the little soldier's eyes watered and slowly shed tears. The one seething red in anger found his eyes sinking in deep blue, in mourning and a continuous collapse of frustration as the cerulean lightning courses through him, the one sinking blue in desperation instead finds his eyes swelling red by the tears, tears that drop with deepest hate. Fire does not bend the knee against no adversary. On the contrary, this desperation is but fertile soil for it, I'm certain you'd agree.

"Takeru, please. We must retreat," Tsuhi once more pleads, flinching in the projection at the frown, the glistening venom within the little soldier's eyes.

"You are free to leave if you want to. I ain't leaving until I get Uncle out of here," both echo the same impulse as the machine stands up, once more firing off his jump units to aid in the balance required for the Zuikaku to stand upright again.

"However, we may not have enough time. Please, we should not linger in the city."

"And leave them behind? Do you seriously believe what that bastard said?!"

"I… well…" Her eyes descend for a moment before relenting a sigh and a nod. "Then, let us make haste. We can carry some survivors in our TSFs' hands, but there won't be room for everyone."

"I know that! Come on, let's go!" Without waiting for his machine to be properly aligned with the street, the little soldier blasts away, closely followed by the watchful fellow.

And despite wishing to fade away, the soldier was unable to return to lucidity. The collapse continued, sinking into darkest depths, everything towering and falling onto him, so does he feel at the moment. For he already knows of the fate of his Uncle and his family, and the tension in the young man's chest, the heartbeats pressing on his neck serve only to unnerve the spectator.

It took only a few minutes of full boosting for the reality of the situation to reach them, for the radar to start flooding red as soon as they adjusted its parameters to scan the surface area. And all three of them felt sick to their stomachs, burning within. While the spectator had already seen his fair share of carnage, plagued sights such as this serve only to have him wish his eyes to be gouged open with a rusted needle. And while the other two already had their trial of fire, Tsuhi couldn't halt the reflex when her stomach grew upset. While the young soldier merely stares, gaping, shocked into silence as he's unable to compute what his eyes see in front of him.

Burning land and concrete, a mountain melting to its own eruption. Munching sounds, chewing sounds, separating joints and cartilage as if their prey were boiled chicken, tearing the skin off the flesh as if it were but an envelope of plastic. Retracting their heads as they tear into the upper parts, removing chucks of it with the jaws as if they were eating an entire serving on their own. Twitching and recoiling as they gag, before puking a mixture of meat, bones and hair, melting along the rolling sight which sinks onto the atrocity. A few were impaled as if a renowned vampire had been the leader of the invaders, some having the small treasure which waited within pierced by the impact, entangled in the inner vines as the rest of its progenitor slides off the charging spears.

The collapsed machines, splintered as its pilots. Each petal off the torsos plucked off crudely. Some perhaps yet live, and whether they're laughing in madness or shrieking in terror is hard to distinguish anymore.

It is then that both soldiers see something in the corner of their vision, within an apartment. Three little ones, and two women covering them in protection as the entrance succumbs to the pressure. As the wide monsters slowly waddle into the room, waddling like drunkards seeking further red wine, one of the women looks outside, to the Zuikaku.

Her voice could in no way be heard, from within the small room and amidst all this chaos. Yet the soldier could tell, in the hoarseness of the scream, in the contortion of her face, what the woman was begging for. Perhaps, part of the young one also did. A simple volley would have sufficed. Just a flicker of the trigger.

But when the dust finally settles, both the building and the one behind it were crumbling away. Despite having eviscerated the concrete, the young one felt as if he had been on the receiving end of his slash just now. There are no words Tsuhi can think of, and the soldier finds himself recalling those echoes once again.

Hollow, sinking, opening the lips wide to scream, tensing the jaw to crush a rock, and yet no sound comes out. There is only silence, tears, and a wound that remains open. In perfect reflection, the young one wails as his breathing hiccups, as coughing assaults him. And yet, he still stands up, he still moves his controls. Whether there is hope or despair in his heart, I cannot fully tell. Yet, the soldier does find himself frowning, frowning much as the fissures threaten with splintering his jaw in half while the fireflies scatter and regroup, a thin cloud shrouding his body as he groans and wails to the vision, unheard and unseen by the two who still debate, for who only a few seconds have passed.

While a few explosions ring out in the distance, as the MDF tries and fails at restraining the advance of the enemy across the required defense line, the soldier behind the young one screams and thrashes against his ethereal restrains, reminded too much of the fogginess which he could never distinguish, never desired to distinguish of his dreams of Iceberg. As he once did during the cruel trial of the XM3, the younger Takeru rushes forth, gunning at the monstrosities. Yet, more take their place in a manner of seconds. Volley after volley, yet the same shapes return from behind the smoke and the smear. At some point, the young one wonders if he truly is even shooting anymore since the procession of decay never wanes in their steps.

By the time they made a difference in the horde, by the time they made it to the hospital, there was only more munching to welcome their arrival. Blackened spots in the concrete, lines of fire burning across the street, vehicles and trenches cracked wide open.

The young one quickly put his helmet in place, opening his cockpit without waiting for his Zuikaku to land properly. The older, however, shivers inside, the lights forming a cocoon over him. His heartbeats and only his heartbeats can he feel, the sight of the destroyed and abandoned hospital, of some of the damage being done clearly by TSFs or other armaments causes one of his hands to stretch outwards. Raising up, like a vine seeking the sun's warmth, raising as it trembles and emits that tender glow.

"Why is this port destroyed?" He asks himself, to the images that overlay with the vision of the young royal guard who frantically rushes through the carnage and the fire, seeking his uncle as Tsuhi reprimands and is quick to follow.

For the sight of the hospital brought up certain images, certain words.

"We ordered them to seek shelter in the mountains. Thus, it is our duty to safeguard the ports from these subversive elements." A voice similar, perhaps too similar to the one of the red guard that had shot at the young soldier's feet says.

"Don't fuck with me… You just murdered these civilians!" Seething over the rim, the glass begins to crack as the glow does, too.

"Please, do think on the future. It is imperative that the equipment is shipped posthaste. Furthermore, are you not aware of the Professor's research? As the rulers, it is our duty to safeguard our people. In this case, we're sparing them the pain of this reality that will soon fall upon us. This is nothing but a mercy kill, 1st Lt Shirogane." The apathetic and stoic battering ram shattered the last rampart of composure of the soldier, whose head began to heat up and feel a vicegrip upon hearing the voice of the trickster garbed in blue.

So his eyes blaze, distortion corroding the lightning lines. "Where's the mercy in that?!"

"You just left the people to die all on their own!" The younger finishes the adusted response, both bursting alive at the respective sights.

Only to fall in utter, complete silence.

Under the rubble to their right, there was someone collapsed, a Soldier-class taking some munches out of it. They both immediately recognize the orange hair, and as the BETA's head explodes upon their bullets is their stride towards the rubble. Not listening to Tsuhi, who snipes a pair of Soldiers that had taken an interests in the rushing young guard, they both smack the dead weight of the BETA with a kick.

Frozen into a scream, part of the face was missing, bitten off. Cold to the touch, petrified in its posture forever more.

"Takeru… Takeru, please. There's no one left," Tsuhi gradually closes the distance, equal apprehension when trying to touch his shoulder.

No tears leave the young man's eyes. There is, once more, only silence in his inability to comprehend what meets his eyes.

Standing up slowly, breathing heavily, he dashes to the vehicles, ignoring Tsuhi's arm. Shooting the Soldier-class that were loitering about, using more bullets than he should have, kicking and punching them repeatedly when removing their remains off the transportation, the same massacre meets his eyes. While the spectator can muster an inner salute to the remains of a single MP who stood in front of the civilians before being brutalized, the young one starts taking steps backwards, laughing dryly as he looks around and about. Small twinges of pain can the young one feel, small echoes that even reach the soldier. On his arms and legs, sudden heat only to then meet a blanketing cold.

"Come on, get out of here," Takeru begs, feeling the creeping coldness on his own being, despite the vision. That same void in his chest, that same crater which still burns at the mere thought, the emptiness which follows after Iceberg for him as he looms over the wasteland ravaged by the G-Bombs. "Turn around, you don't have to see it. Get out, get out, get out, get-"

Too little, too late.

Hanging against a decorative pillar like an old toy left to abandonment, there lays Koetsu's wife. Her lower half is still burning, blood oozing from a purple spot, prey to an inner injury, crushed against the stone.

"Takeru, we're leaving!" Tsuhi tries to twist his arm, to drag him back to the TSF. Not even employing her special martial arts can lift his feet off the ground or even move him an inch. So she wraps her arms from behind, tightly, tightly. "Please… Let's go. There's nothing we can do… please…"

One step, two steps. He breaks free of her hold, walking as if in a daze. A few Soldiers waddled their way out of the hospital, blood drizzling down their jaws. Unblinking, he shot them dead. In silence he crouches near a trampled vehicle, in silence does the soldier weep along the young guard. Tsuhi slowly follows, yet immediately recoils what at what they are staring. Once more, unable to fight the reflex, bile and saliva, and perhaps some drug residue as well, splash on the ground as she fails to regain her breathing.

Shards of glass had pierced the thin skin of their small bodies, and part of them was also burnt to some degree. For some odd miracle they were spared from the BETA, perhaps because they faded away before being found. Lifting them both off the puddle of blood and who knows what other tinctures, the minimal weight felt like sand slipping through his fingers. Mere paper, paper above a candle. Cold as bark which cracks away, their smallest hands that once held one of his fingers when they met now are bent inwards at an impossible angle. And where once two shiny and curious lights had been, where the smallest of smiles took root, now the features are sunken in, a result of the vehicle being intercepted by the Warriors.

So, quivering amidst the ashes, the young guard cries, cries and cries as he hugs those two little weights to his chest.

Cold.

Silent.

Stiff.

Dead.

"…So this is why." Takeru concludes, rabid ants feasting on his insides, feeling faint yet furious at the same time. "So this is why you despise them so much. The same as those ports, abandoned to their luck…"

The cries of the young one begin to fade, the vision reaching its end. The swirling visage turns into a twister, a cyclone of fire and ashes, of red and gray as the surroundings fade and mix, the eye of the storm showing a narrow image of the young guard's sight, the lingering feeling of those two weights on his body.

"…almost as how I lost you."

A spark.

A spark in the fissures, a spark from the fireflies.

"…You?"

The fire rises in his sight, the soldier… feels a bolt coursing through his body. His fingers begin to twitch, the lighting lines focusing all over them, chaining them. A spark, then another. Like a ripple in a water surface, only instead of losing impulse it keeps on gaining strength. And for a moment he sinks in that feeling, yet as I think it all will soon cease as every other recollection.

Another spark, and another. And the shock makes him spasm, the weight becomes concise upon his fingertips. His sight descends, and there he finds… a lithe body, resting in his arms. A body garbed in white, a quivering hand struggling to raise to his cheek.

…

And he wraps himself over it, as if shielding it from pouring rain. And the hands run frantically over it, seeking injuries. Yet, they find coldness, stiffness. A mirror, a reflection of old moments, moments of solitude, moments where the stars were the lone solace a seeking gaze could find.

But it will collapse, as all times of reminiscence do. And so it does, the arm falls down as does the full weight of the body onto him. Sparks fly off as the lightning lines close, the cerulean hue fading back into his being. Yet, the collapse continues, the star falls down. Not in actual actions, but… within your heart, as the sparks keep on reverberating, more and more, more and more in that electric blue of yours, the sparks foretell of fire.

"…Why?" You ask, unable to understand. The sand fades from your hands, which soon start to shake and grip. Coursing like a snake through your arms is the engraving fire, the forging fire which makes you frown so.

The fissures all become small lines, mending the damage as if it was never done. Yet, it is still there. The echo in the background, the rumbling in the surface, the wound that remains open in your heart. But once again…

"After getting so far… so far from what? For what? I don't… Failing… again… Another time."

Your senses return to the cockpit, yet that is not what you see. Gritting your teeth, compressing them to the point of pain rushing through their roots, the lingering fireflies continue to spark, to swirl around you. The tachyons refuse to leave you, reaching for your body once again. Your resolve is sturdy indeed, and your own wrath instills fear in many, I know, yet even in front of the oceanic collapse your fire would not be doused. Twitching as if you still were enduring the jolts of the visions, the jolts which burn you as if a soldering torch had been thrust into your abdomen. Yet, even that pain does not dissuade you from recalling, it does not seal the lines which still run through you. The visage grows hazy, distorted, yet your voice still echoes firmly.

"We haven't even… talked? No, nothing. I still know nothing of you…" Crying, your sight grows blurry, still feeling that weight on your body.

Yet as you look up, the gray sky is not what should be there. There is no ruins or Takemikazuchi, but the mirage of another vision. And as more sparks come off you, dazzling enough to make anyone nauseous, that electric blue engulfs you whole. Yet, watching is all I can do as of now.

Upon the ignition of your jump units, those sparks, those lines of light run through the cockpit. Exhausting the stockpiled radiation, forcing the outcome through sheer will to power, yet still recoiling in pain at the burns, at the whipping on your body, both from your current injuries and those you are recalling.

"1st Lt, I already told you, this is UN protocol. You've done enough during this exercise," Isumi sighs, shaking her head.

"Still, it wouldn't take me anything to ascertain his status. I ask you to- Huh?"

The sudden rising of the Gekishin shocks both women who were still debating. Before either can form words, you push both controls forward, enduring the kickback from the shocks, the towers of fire that surround you in your vision.

And in your daze, you still cling to that weight. "There's so much we have to talk about… I ain't failing again… Move! Move, Kusanagi! I ain't done yet!"

A frenzy of roots discharges from your feet, onto the pedals, and the correct alignment of the jump units sends your Gekishin flying off towards the red frame of the retainer. Despite the damage and the lack of fuel, and even how the tachyons' sparks subside, the impulse of your patterns does not halt. Despite the crazed screams you release, the memory does not stop, the wound refuses to close, and so you continue to burn away.

"Cadet, please regain your senses!" The retainer begs as she parries the blurry frenzy, finding it hard to block, to meet the parries. "What's with this recoil? This savage form of piloting…" Her eyes widen, gaping at the answer, correct answer that she arrives at. The composed facade you once endowed, when a shadow you chose to be.

Almost failing to follow the speed of the dots, losing sight of the machines for a moment in her cameras, Cpt Isumi quickly opens a line with your machine. "Cadet Shirogane, cease your attacks this…" Yet, the image feedback comes up empty. Or rather, it is no longer usable after being on the receiving end of the sparks for even a minute. Still, the grunts she can hear as well as the readings on the monitor allow her to reach a conclusion, erroneous in this case. "1st Lt Tsukuyomi, I believe the cadet is having a recoil from the sedatives. Subdue his machine immediately!"

"It isn't as if I weren't trying!" She immediately replies in full blazes, feeling her own stomach sink at the task. "If I miss my strike, I could harm you even further. And how on the Heavens are you still managing to move so fast with the damage of your unit?!"

Counters meet the steel, a kick sends the red frame to eat some dirt. Violently as usual, there are no wasted secondsin your stride. However, even when the markings of your machine are flashing red, there is no change in the choking hold over the controls, on the stomping of the pedals.

And within your eyes, that same visage repeats itself. Surrounded by fire, by those shadows, it is only natural you'd remain steadfast in your aggression. Yet, today you've no rapier in your hands, and your heart feels as if it will burst from your chest at any second now. That cold feeling, that cold metal, lurching its way into your heart. That heavy weight, the burden twisting the inside of your chest.

You see no red frame, everything is fading to dark. Lungs begin to shut down, sight starts to black out. Yet, as you trade slashes with the retainer and paint with the bricks, a small jolt echoes still. And I can clearly see it, one tiny little spark shining in your eyes.

"Rise!" The fuse is set off in disdain, scorching away all your restrain.

A spinning jump, bouncing off a building. As if trying to high five the sun, only to retract your blade backwards. The retainer shivers, recognizing the start of the dive, taking a defensive stance, shrieking in a panic, begging you to stop.

Yet, your feet still find the pedals. "Aim!" Gunpowder and smoke corrupts the skies, obstructing the light from your eyes. "And… dive, Kusanagi!"

Descending into spiraling rage, ready to blast away all that lays ahead like a cannon ball, the warped impulse launches you off towards the retainer.

Out of fuel, the Gekishin simply rides the gale of the warped impulse. The impact shatters the street as both blades clash, both flying off their holds. Both TSFs end up toppled on the floor, the Gekishin with both legs heavily damaged and its head visor cracked due to the violent smooch it gave to the concrete. Trails of smoke still come out of the jump units, and only a screeching sound echoes as the machine loses all tension and completely collapses onto the rubble, in equal fashion as you do, now knocked out cold within the cockpit. The Takemikazuchi still stands, proof of its exquisite engineering, unscathed save for some small damage to the lower end of the legs, which were put to the test under your assault.

"Cadet, can you hear me?!" Tsukuyomi calls out, repeatedly. When nothing comes up, she bites her lips and hits her seat. "Cpt, I'm going to check on the cadet's status."

"Please desist from that course of action, 1st Lt," Another voice, imposing and cold, answers the retainer. And soon, the violet eyes of the scientist enter her sight. "I've already been notified of what has transpired on the mock battle. I'll have to ask you to remain quiet, and not get any closer to my protegee."

"Excuse me?! He could be hurt gravely, we have to-"

"Must I remind you this was your folly? Your words and actions incited this incident, by using a private frequency no less. Let me remind you of what we agreed yesterday, and do not test my patience," So she minutely squints her eyes, brushing her bangs softly.

"A moment, XO," General Daizaburou enters the common channel, despite how he has tried to remain as merely an observer. "I do not believe it wise for you to say such words. From what I can gather, the cadet had an adverse reaction to the sedatives that were used on him without need. There was no need to resort to such methods, so I'd have to ask you not to shift the blame to the members of the IRG which participated on this exercise."

"Oh, that's your angle, General?" Sharpening her eyes, she taps her chin. "First, you were the ones who employed a private frequency. Second, it is clear your interactions caused much distress to my protegee," she highlights the last word, eyes blazing slightly. Tsukuyomi frowns while Daizaburou merely sighs. "And third, after the meeting we shared yesterday, one could reach the conclusion that you have something against the cadet. Thus, if the 1st Lt moves one inch closer to the cadet's machine, I will consider this incident an aggression against UN personnel, and will act in line with what the protocol suggests for such cases."

"Wait a moment!" Once more, the retainer blazes forth, endowing the menacing frown of the guardian. "We did nothing of the sort, this is only an unfortunate accident and nothing else."

"Then, if that is the case, abide by the request of the XO of the base and remain still. I already sent a team to recover Shirogane's TSF. We will continue this conversation in the base, in a private room fitting for the issue."

Daizaburou flinches slightly, wincing at the prospect. "XO, wait. If you recover the TSF as it is now, the cadet could be hurt. Not to mention, we should try to keep this under wraps. Were you to order the Gekishin to be taken to the hangar then-"

Yuuko then sighs and ruffles her hair. "The sooner we retrieve the Gekishin, the sooner we'll know what transpired. I need to know what caused this outburst my protegee had, and how much of it was caused by the sedatives," she then frowns, biting her lower lips for a second. "Regardless, to retrieve Shirogane alone would raise suspicions, to delay the end of the mission also would, and to have the Gekishin missing by the Fubukis' side would also raise many questions. We have the rest of the cadets awaiting the final call, and considering my protegee should be marked as down, they must be growing quite anxious. Isumi, anything to say about this?"

The woman stood upright, color fading from her features. "Yes, they have attempted communication with the CP a few times already." She then sighs with her nose, her sight still caught on your numbers, which detail how weak your disposition is as of now. Of course, you just endured a forceful inheritance of memories as you haven't felt since that day in the tournament, so it is understandable you'd be lacking any and all energy. Yet, she cannot possibly know that, so I suppose you'd be able to imagine the pungency of the currents of her thoughts, at the miss she allowed to pass.

"Then, as I said, let's call this mock battle to an end. General, call your members back. I want you and the 1st Lt standing in the medbay in B5F as soon as possible."

"Please reconsider, XO," Daizaburou insisted, hitting the command post where he was, feeling his throat constricting shut. "There was no ill will from us, this truly was only an accident. If you take the Gekishin as it is to the hangar-"

Yuuko then chuckles lightly, masking the venom which brews in her tightened hands at the sight of your numbers. She then smirks, to not bite her lips, such a wide gesture that I am certain you'd agree would freeze hell over. Such a slow, inner cackling, it is quite fair to affirm it could break the sturdiest of facades. Taking a second to see the cracking complexion, the twitching eyes and lips of the retainer, and the sober and sharp glare of the General, the scientist simply taps her chin.

"The end result won't change regardless of what actions we take from now on. I'll have you take responsibility for this incident, both you and Shirogane. The sooner we can discuss the consequences of this, the better. I will not repeat myself, return to the hangar at once," and so, she narrows her eyes, unblinking she stares at the projections.

"…Very well, so shall we do. Just let me remind you, this was nothing but an unfortunate accident," Daizaburou says, sheathing the concern, the wish to remain arguing. "After all, his safety takes precedence."

"Fair enough. We'll talk soon, anyways. Isumi, you know what to do," Yuuko orders, receiving a nod from her subordinate.

And with a click, all the projections fade from her monitors. Slowly, she paces to her desk, brings the mug to her lips and finishes the now cold coffee, still having nothing to eat alongside it nearby.

Slamming it onto the wood, she heaves a sigh, clutches her forehead. "Just what on earth went wrong? I expected some backlash, but you were supposed to fall unconscious assoon as the drugs were injected. Sigh…" Ruffling her hair, she shakes her head and hurries out of her office, to the elevator. "You better be fine, Shirogane. Otherwise, all of these preparations will serve no purpose, for my and your goals," She says as she bites a nail, throwing her back onto the wall as the elevator starts its ascent. And yet, little is the shock she feels for much is what she not yet knows. The sapling of guilt is there, yes, but it has not yet blossomed.

And, seeking you, gasping in your unawareness, there are no further sparks coming out or into you. There is, however, a frown etched onto your features, a twitching on your fingers as if they were struggling to grasp onto something, and the disturbance in your breathing. And the wound, the wound that's open once again. As concerned as Yuuko is, she can not know of what she has unleashed. Chances are, you won't even remember it when you return to full consciousness.

And again, as your machine is taken off the ruins towards the hangar, as the scientist continues to debate within herself, as the guards argue among one another, as the cadets keep on asking about your whereabouts, all I can do is limit myself to watch you, whatever is still left of you, of your echoes within the soldier.

To watch and pray that it isn't yet time for you to burn away, my shooting star.

---

A/N: This chapter was pain. It took me hours of staring at the screen to get the dark parts out. I know it isn't as cursed as Dead End Aegis or Rasen Kairou, but showing the deaths of infants was pure pain. I can only hope it turned out decently enough. Writing this wrecked me, so that's why I put a second warning mid-chapter. Sorry if it broke the immersion.

Now, I know this chapter will most likely lose me some readers, what with the "fantasy-like" aspects, the return of the angst and the stuff with the narrator. For the narrator, there are enough hints and breadcrumbs to figure out who it is. The "sparks" are basically Takeru using the causal pull of the Nucleus on his own. just like how the Valkyries can take actions to make the better future, Keru can force the best outcome of his wish in exchange of the aforementioned G-Radiation. And as for the angst, get used to it. The next five or so chapters are going to be heavy.

Originally, I was planning to put a flashback arc about Iceberg somewhere around here. But thanks to seeing a story of hartman762, I decided to expand on it, and said story became Before Light's Out. That's why I had to put a flashback here instead. So, this angsty arc is going to last a while, until Komoro for those who read the prior version.

If there are things left unclear about this chapter, go read Forgotten Fangs and Waiting. Otherwise, I think there are enough leads to see where this is going to go before the actual reveals happen. That's all for now.

Thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Zuoriel