Author's note: Hey guys. Hope you are still reading. I intended to upload this morning but for some reason the story wouldn't go on there. Things are really starting to heat up. I'm writing this especially for the ones who reviewed. Thank you so much for sticking with the story. Hope you guys are thrilled by the upcoming events. Please R&R. Smiles.
Have you ever had that one really awkward moment in your life where you know that everyone is expecting you to, I don't know, do something? And how many people out there when faced with that awkward moment actually does something about it? Hmmm…let's just say not very many. That's why one of the biggest comedic moments in movies and books is when the main character freezes up, comes to an impasse that they can't seem to conquer. Right now, as I watched people departing the cocktail party and darting to and fro to their respective vehicles, I realized with quite a bit of profound clarity that I felt as if I were sitting on the button of a bomb mechanism and if I moved, then the whole damn place would blow. I saw Spied looking at me, and I found it rather hard to look into his eyes as I smiled in his general direction. And the sad thing was, the tension between us was absolutely and utterly my fault. It was all about that seemingly inane habit I had of screwing everything up.
"Hey…you okay, Jude?" I heard someone ask as Jamie suddenly pulled a chair up to the edge of the stage where I was sitting and straddled it in front of me. I just shrugged.
"I feel like someone has taken a fork and scrambled my brain with it." I told him softly as he chuckled under his breath.
"Nice visual imagery, Harrison. It's really doing fantastic things for my digestive tract." Jamie joked as I just looked up at him forlornly. His expression fell as he sighed heavily.
"Hey…" He began before pausing to look out over the room behind him. "Jude, you really need to quit blaming yourself for everyone else's emotional turmoil. You might be able to figure your own feelings out better if you quit worrying about hurting everyone else's. Just disregard everything except how you feel and then ask yourself which of your feelings is the strongest." Jamie said softly as he let his forehead rest gently against mine. I smiled up at him as I pulled away enough I could look into his face.
"When did you become such a wise old man?" I asked teasingly as he pretended to fluff his feathers like an over-bearing peacock.
"It's all those classic episodes of Mr. Wizard and my geeky Gandolf/Obi Wan Kenobi complex. I told you it would all pay off someday." He said cheekily as I chuckled and jumped down off the stage before grabbing one of his hands.
"Your cuticles are looking a little rough, Andrews." I said suggestively as Jamie shook his head in a 'uh uh, no way' kind of gesture.
"You're not painting my fingernails or anything even resembling my fingernails, Jude Harrison. I quit letting you do that when you were upset when we turned thirteen." Jamie said with a sheepish grin as I pulled him into a hug.
"We're two peas in a pod, you and I, aren't we?" I asked quietly as Jamie nodded before standing suddenly at attention when Spied approached us from the side. Jamie squeezed my hand one last time before stepping away.
"Catch you later, Jude?" He asked as he started to stroll toward the door. I nodded at him before turning toward Spiederman. I really wasn't sure how to deal with him right now, but I didn't have any choice.
"Feeling better?" I asked sardonically as Spied threw me an 'I don't get you sometimes look' before pulling me into his arms and kissing me roughly. I would have enjoyed his passion once, but Jamie was right--by paying attention to my own feelings, I realized that now I felt only pain. Pushing myself away gently, I looked up him quietly. Spied sighed.
"I need you to tell me why I suddenly feel as if only one of us is working at this relationship?" Spied asked in a hushed tone as I stared down at the floor. I couldn't discuss anything with him until I had a chance to discuss it with my brain first so I just shook my head.
"I can't right now, Spied. Why don't we just go home and sleep off all of the emotions we've managed to stir up tonight and talk about this again when we're more clear-headed." I said on a sigh as Spied shook his head before grabbing his car keys.
"You riding with Sadie?" He asked as I nodded woodenly. He nodded back at me before turning to walk toward the door, stopping only once to glance over his shoulder.
"I'm not going to keep letting you run away from this, Jude. You'll have to face it sooner or later." Spied said as I felt my shoulders slump, wincing as he slammed through the door. He was right. I knew that. Deep down, I knew that.
"You're doing the same thing to him that Tommy did to Sadie." A voice said knowingly from behind me, and I whirled around to see Kwest leaning casually against the stage. What was this—psychoanalyze Jude night?
"What do you mean, Kwest?" I asked with a frown as I picked up my guitar and placed it into my case. Kwest just shrugged.
"You know what I mean, Jude. You, as well as everyone else, watched Tom drift away from Sadie, you watched him quit taking her calls, you watched him pull away piece by piece closing himself off all because he didn't feel the same way about her that she did for him. And you also saw how that relationship ended. It exploded. You two are really messed up, you know that? I can't say I agree with this messed up electric charge you and Tom seem to have for each other, but sometimes I wonder if the two of you aren't cut from the exact same cloth." He said almost in a whisper as I felt my entire body go cold at his description. Dear God, he was right! After all that drama and anger I had thrown at Tom for the way he had treated Sadie, and I was doing the same exact thing. What the hell? Kwest seemed to realize when it clicked in my brain because he suddenly pushed away from the stage in order to walk over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
"It's one of the reasons I wasn't angrier at you for asking him to come back as your producer. I mean, come on, Jude. It was inevitable. I knew that as long as Tom Quincy is at G Majors, you two can't seem to stay apart longer than a week and, even then, you two are so hard to deal with, the whole office has to pass around a shared prescription of Valium." Kwest said with a small smile quirking his lips as he squeezed my shoulders and then turned me toward the door.
"Go home, Jude. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." Kwest said as he turned away and walked out another exit. I just watched him go in mystification. Oh Lord, the thoughts bombardingmy body and brainwere going to send me into a spiraling nervous break down. Kwest was right. I needed to sleep.
"You need a ride home?" A voice—his voice—asked from behind me. I just froze.
"I think I've got it covered, Tom, but Thank you." I said softly as I tried my best to walk away, but to my horror, I found my feet frozen to the floor like some uncanny nightmare where you try your best torun away but your body doesn't listen to its own brain signals. Why is it that I could run from Spied, but that I found it incredibly difficult to do it with Tommy? Tom just sighed from behind me.
"Jude…" He began as I felt his body close in on mine almost as if we were magnets being played with by a child. I couldn't not look at him. It just wasn't in me, and my body, not of its own volition, spun around to face him. He was so close—so so very close. Our lips were almost touching, I could feel his breath ease across my cheeks, and I could see the pupils of his eyes dilating as his lips got so close to my own that you could barely slip a piece of paper between the two of us. I sighed as I realized that I could even make out the slight stubble that covered his jaw, and I had the uncanny desire to want to feel its roughness against my palm—letting it scratch the delicate skin until my world just dissolved into nothing but a sensualistic realm of sensation. We closed our eyes at the same time, and when mine opened back up, I realized that he had stepped away. Neither one of us said anything. We just stood there staring at each other.
"Jude…" He tried again, but I held my hand up in front of his mouth. I wasn't going to let him say it was a mistake. Hell, for once I wasn't angry at him. I was actually glad he had stepped away. It would have tore me apart being with Spied but sitting here loving Tommy. I needed to sleep.
"I'm going to go find Sadie." I said softly as he nodded. Passing by him, I stopped for a moment next to him as he grabbed my hand, and I wanted to press my body into his although I managed only to squeeze his fingers back before we both let go and walked in opposite directions.