A/N: Lately, it feels as if the author notes have become some sort of justification corner. So, for one last time, here we go again. This next wall of text is more for those guest commenters that are displeased, or for anyone who is still on the fence about this fic.

It'd be easy to shield myself by saying I'm an amateur, that I'm doing this for free on my spare time, or to snap and send people to try and write their own stories. But I won't do that.

You see, I do want the plot to move forward and it has been, in subtle ways, despite how long this is taking to take off. While it's hard for me to find a balance in my descriptions and banter, I am happy with the end result of the last few chapters. It sucks seeing a few think my skills are degrading, but I can't please everyone.

I won't be doing another full rewrite, because from my eyes the story isn't dragging on. I do concede some bits were unnecessary, rereading last chapter I realized the discussions on the Minaru Kamui and the rejected report had already been tackled on the meeting and were a leftover of the original iteration of the story. So, I will edit those parts when I do a checkup later on. But everything else, the repetitive and stale conversations included, was intentional and won't be changed.

Reversal might be a dumpster fire, but it's my dumpster fire.

As someone pointed out to me, that people are leaving long comments does mean they do care about the story, or cared enough about it to voice their issues with it before taking their leave. But I don't know how to spell it out, I already said this won't be Alternative 2, that the mood won't change. You all have read thus far, and so know what this is about. Takeru coming to terms with what he has lost, and eventually coming to a decision on what he wants to protect. And more importantly, how does he want to do that.

All this angst has a reason to be, and while I more or lest wrote myself into a corner where I had to put a detriment for Yuuko to not insta-solve everything while not coming out as OOC, so that Takeru could face what will be coming to him after the events of this chapter, and to have a good reason for the sixteen years old Native to have the power and drive it has been told he possessed, all of that has already been foreshadowed and hinted at enough thus far.

We are at the end of the slow middle of this story, as the next half of the Paranoia arc will have Takeru face the differences in this world through the more intense nationalism that Meiya portrays as a mirror. Yes, I know, one million words and it's only halfway through. I like writing long and boring, sorry.

The point is, the heavier 'emotional' angst is coming in the next chapters, and the reason behind all the long-winded detours will be revealed, for both new and old readers, in chapter 76. As I said, it all ties into the foggy memories, why I have an omniscient narrator in a story told in first person, and where was I going before the rewrite took place. Chapter 76 was meant to be the next chapter of the original version, and now that I expanded it and took the time to put the hints in place I can only hope it doesn't come out as shock value or an ass pull.

But regardless of how it comes out, I like what I'm writing now. So to all those who are done with how much this is taking, maybe this story isn't for you. Thanks to have taken the time to leave your complains, to have read on despite what must have been boring chapters for you, but I won't change my writing again to please complains that will never stop coming.

To be honest, one half of me wants the hints to be obvious enough unlike all the previous twists I pulled, while the other wants to go full "You'll never see it comiiiiiing!" at the end of chapter 76. And while I think all the buildup is worth it, in the end every reader can judge this dumpster fire how they see it.

So, as always, thanks for reading and commenting. And sorry if you're disappointed at what this story is now, and goodbye if that's the case.

Stay safe.

Zuoriel

Chapter 72:

Rumbling Hearts (III)

December 3rd. Around 02:30 PM.

(Tokyo. Imperial Palace.)

[Yuuhi]

"Ugh… Kgh…"

Tears course through my jawline, which remains petrified upon what it's told through the speakers of the comms.

First, his exchange with Mion and Shion. Then, his talk with Mana. And at the end, the sounds of his suffering.

No longer are there doubts lingering within, this person is none other than my Takeru. Even down to the more aggressive reactions, to the fissure which cracks his cries in twain.

"…Your Highness?" Raiko-san calls, upon looking upwards I find her offering a handkerchief.

"…Sniff. Thank you kindly," accepting the offering, the silk slowly rests upon my skin. Wiping my tears, a moment of silence passes as I inhale once the recording ceases to play. Thus, with one final sigh I release the shrapnel which lays within my flesh, the small hint of pain around my neck he left imprinted in me. "It is alright, I am fine now," I say, resting both hands on my lap, nodding to the three present in my chamber.

"Are you certain, Your Highness?" My chamberlain thus asks, consternation miring her features. "I do not believe it wise for your health, to continue to-"

"Such is my duty, as a Shogun and the Head of my House. Furthermore… There no longer is any fog in my mind, this person is Takeru."

"H-However…" she looks down, her already wrinkled complexion tightening further. "It is impossible, the little lad perished such a long time ago."

And you still refer to him in that way, despite everything. Yet, it is enough to ease, relax my shoulders when I nod and Grandma cannot return my stare as pressure falls upon her lips.

"In any case," Maya taps her glasses, up towards her brows, lips and eyelids narrowing, "I advise you to call back General Daizaburou and the cousins posthaste, Your Highness. We need to devise a few countermeasures before we present any documentation to Kouzuki."

Raiko-san scoffs, folding her arms even tighter as she glares at Maya. "What are you even saying? Yuuhi-sama has to pressure Kouzuki right this instant! Takeru-uesama has been sent to the infirmary, after they employed who knows what manner of medication on him, and you rather dally in his recovery? And I thought you couldn't possibly fall lower, Tsukuyomi."

Both frown at each other, Maya's lips shrink further. "We cannot allow any further harm to fall upon Takeru, Raiko-sama. Therefore, we must ensure the presentation of the papers does not cause any more setbacks for us. His identity has to be restored, and much has to be done to guarantee his safe return," she then taps her glasses, slowly nodding to herself.

"That can be done while he is under our care," Raiko-san counters immediately. "Not to mention, if Takeru-uesama remains as angered as he was while medicated, he could either expose his own identity or put himself in danger by reacting aggressively towards Kouzuki. And as much as I dislike the fox, I am in agreement with Mana. We must take action to safeguard Alt. IV as well." She then looks my way, bowing deeply. "Yuuhi-sama, considering all that has already been disclosed to the woman, there is little reason to keep up with this charade. Please, you should request his transfer to the Vice Commander."

The comm lets out a small whimper of static, before a coughing noise comes through. "If you allow my audacity, I also would request the same to you, Yuuhi-sama," Mana thus says, a sliver of the rampart she usually displays.

"Is that so? Perhaps… it truly is would be for the best."

"Your Highness, do not allow your emotion to hasten your moves," Maya says, kneeling swiftly, a fist on the wooden floor. "There is much yet to be done before we bring Takeru back, we cannot simply improvise a delivery to Yokohama nor can we disclose such intel to Kouzuki without-"

"One would think someone such as you to be in agreement with the notion," Raiko-san interjects, glaring much as the daylight cloaks over her features. "What could possibly have you refusing the notion, Tsukuyomi?"

Inhaling sharply, she taps her glasses. "As I told to Her Highness during yesterday's dinner, many are the eyes which are staring her way as of now, due to the rather… forward demeanor she has endowed lately."

"And rightfully so, it was time Yuuhi-sama began to take cards in actual matters," she nods twice, Grandma also doing so in agreement while Maya groans, lips pursing inwards.

"However, such attention would be counterproductive to our goals," she says, exhaling long, treading her hair. "We need discretion if we aim to reclaim Takeru, and restore his identity without arising suspicions."

"Why would you need to do so?" Another voice asks, right behind me, which makes me flinch. Tsuhi was, once more, standing in attention besides the near pillars, sporting her habitual poker face.

"Because he is," she looks my way, then down, "well, you should know how his position could-"

"For all intent and purposes, Takeru is but another fellow," Tsuhi says, then looks my way. "Yuuhi-sama is only looking after one of her vassals, if questions are forwarded. It isn't as if the records weren't truly lacking intel after Lucifer and the digitalization."

"However, even the smallest risk is too large to ignore," Maya ascertains, finally allowing herself to frown as she raises her head, sunlight reflected off her glasses.

"Maya, let us not raise our voices," I order, she bows down in apology. "I… I believe there is something that has yet to be addressed," running a hand over my neck, a short yet heavy exhalation comes from my lips. "Daizaburou-san?"

"Yes, Your Highness?"

"If that man truly is Takeru then, how did he survive? Were you informed on that supposed report of his discovery? Why was he not taken to us when found on the battlefield?" I ask, all those present once more growing completely silent.

"Yes, Kouzuki finally disclosed that document. Such was the reason why I allowed Mana to disclose part of Takeru's past to Kouzuki. I hope you have not been displeased by my decision, Your Highness," he says, composed yet low.

"It is alright, there is no blame on you. Please, do tell me of what said document detailed."

After a cough and a moment of quietness, Daizaburou-san proceeds to explain what Kouzuki told him, what laid in the pages of the reports.

Of how he was found, at the verge of death in a broken suit, along a broken blade.

Of his treatment, which almost he didn't receive due to the chaos that ensued after Lucifer, the ugly relations the Shogunate had with the UN at the time.

And his enlistment as a cadet, after the absolute loneliness which he found himself in. Without memories, without any documents that would even confirm he had existed, left behind by his nation and fellows.

…

But this means that… it's my fault? All of this is because I immediately gave up, isn't it? Takeru needed me and I left him to die? For he still struggled to keep his vow, yet I looked away, didn't even search for him. Is this a mockery of destiny? I cursed his name that night, that so far away night of August 5th when I had to erase his records. Yet, at the same time he was agonizing, praying for my helping hand to reach him.

"Then, you're telling me… I abandoned him?" I couldn't keep my voice from creaking.

"No, Your Highness, I never said-"

"The Imperial forces didn't tend to him, we refused to even extend a helping hand his way. We left him to die…" What had been dried once more dampens, my throat beginning to constrict and coil down. "And I erased everything as the tradition told me to. And that's why he had to remain abroad." Yet, I do not possess the strength to weep, nor to repine against the wood. All I can afford is this emptiness in my chest, as if my heart had faded away. "I did this, I caused all of this. I left him all alone… when he needed me the most. I… I…" Slowly, the tears fall down again.

Both of my hands claw at my chest, my neck twists itself shut in opposition to my eyes who release the gates of my tears. Weeping in silence, the images of what could have happened to him torment my mind and breathing. What if there were still BETA around? He would have been devoured alive. What if he were captured and tortured for information? What if he had died alone on the vicinity of the hive? And yet, I didn't… It's my fault, I caused him to suffer greatly. Takeru… forgive me… forgive me…

"Your Highness, please do not cry anymore!" Grandma comes to my side and slowly rubs my back, then grips my chin and lifts it so that she can bring another cloth to my eyes.

"Please calm down, Your Highness," Maya asks, and when looking her way she isn't returning my stare. Her own eyes are sharpened, fixated on the ground as her lips keep on narrowing, folding inwards in equal petrification as the rest of her posture. "We know he is safe for the moment. And to ensure no further burdens fall upon Takeru's shoulders, we must tread carefully."

"Yuuhi-sama, please do not listen to her," Raiko-san implores, bowing down and remaining in position. "You must take action as soon as possible. You have to safeguard him from that fox, and her from his possible ire."

"Speak no balderdash," Maya immediately retaliates, frowning, tone frosting over. "His safety has to be-"

"Silence!" I slam a hand against the wood a few times, both of them grimace as they reiterate their bows of apology. "Sigh… Raiko-san, you had promised you were not going to incite an argument."

"Little else can I do in front of Tsukuyomi's lack of care towards Takeru-uesama's future."

"And why do you insist so much on your proposal? I… do share you feelings, all of us here present do. Yet, to rush our steps could place him in further danger. I… I cannot allow that to come to pass. I already failed him once, my actions cannot compromise Takeru's safety."

"…You're not the only one who abandoned him."

"Huh?"

A small frown, a small tone. Yet, a large pyre of combustion lays now in her eyes. "I, too, abandoned him, didn't even pay any attention to his wellbeing when he needed me the most, when I could have prevented his ire, protect him from Tsukuyomi's claws."

"Again with that?" Maya raises her glare, teeth visible and ready to sink towards Raiko-san. "It was you who-"

"Maya," saying nothing else, I hold her gaze. Wringing her hands, she once more kneels. "Raiko-san, we all… desire the same as you. Yet, there are many eyes, many shadows who could bring harm to him or use his mere presence to our detriment. And as the Shogun, I cannot-"

"If you fold your hand, I myself will bring him back then."

"…Pardon?"

Glaring up towards me, her unchained fire fills my vision. "If you refuse to move, if you would forsake him just to placate the interests of others, I shall bring him back as the Head of the Amato House I am. He was under my care during the latter half of the invasion, and I myself placed a burgundy lotus on-"

"Excuse me?"

"I am- I said that-"

"Yuuhi-sama," a small noise by me, Tsuhi moved to be in my vision, slowly bowing down when she does. "Perhaps, Raiko-sama brings a fine proposal. If you cannot move as of now, to have another pressure the XO would be our best alternative. And considering our long stay in the Chain squadron, it would be easy to procure-"

"Enough."

"Eh? I was saying-"

"I am bringing Takeru back myself. Even if there are many steps required beforehand, he shall return as who he always was. And this is an order, Cpt Amato, 2nd Lt Yasomaga, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi." I glare their way, who solidify as gargoyles.

"Then," Raiko-san says, lowering her head yet not breaking eye contact, "you shall take immediate action?"

"Daizaburou-san?"

"Y-Yes?" He replies, with some delay.

"What are the possibilities that, despite the reprimand Mana issued to her underlings, Takeru's image will worsen in Yokohama?"

"Very high, Your Highness," Mana answers instead, allowing herself a sigh. "Despite my harsh words, and the apology the trio gave to Meiya-sama's squadmates, prejudice is a vile beast. It is perhaps too late to change Takeru-sama's reputation with mere actions on our end," she admits, fading, and Raiko-san nods to the words, Maya tightening her expression further.

"Tsuhi, what do we know of our available records?"

"That there is a small justification already being prepared," she slowly says, giving a small nod. "Our duties in the shelters and offices can be used to mask our… operations, yet the restoration of the data banks on the IRG's servers is still required."

"Maya, what are the chances such moves will be noticed?"

"Decidedly high, milady," she immediately says, voice still frozen. "Ikaruga-sama has been rather insistent on keeping me in Kitanomaru as of late, and fellows to be trusted are in short supply in the offices which oversee the records."

"Nothing a small diversion cannot break," Raiko-san counters, scoffing once more. "Perhaps you could finally prove your loyalty to Yuuhi-sama in this way, Tsukuyomi."

"What?"

"Could you not use your position in Kitanomaru to divert Ikaruga's attention?" She smirks, despite the sudden shift in disposition. "Of course, one has to wonder. Why is it that their faction is growing so interested in our affairs as of late?"

One of Maya's brows twitches. "What are you implying?"

"Enough," again slamming the wood, both look away and bow down in apology. Sigh…

"Still, Raiko-sama raises a valid point," Tsuhi mentions, her eyes not veering from mine. "Precisely because we are starved for time must we take immediate action. Of course, if Yuuhi-sama could be placed in a compromising position, perhaps Raiko-sama could-"

"Silence," I raise my voice, leaning forward as I bite my lips. Tsuhi returns a smile my way, and I cannot help but to claw at my dress.

"However, whatever would we do should he grow adusted after this battle?" She asks, still smiling. "Mana-sama," then she raises her voice, lifting her face to reach the comms, "you did say his TSF was seen by many in the hangar, correct?"

Another heavy sigh comes through the comms. "Yes, the cousins so told me. And while Kouzuki does seem to be looking after him, I also must mention that all of this occurred due to those sedatives."

"Regardless," Maya looks up, tapping her glasses as she inhales, "you should mind your steps, Your Highness. Patience, milady. Only when serene can you discern the path forward."

"Yet, as much as I would favor discretion…" once more, I tread my neck, pressuring it, holding it, "if Takeru remains upset, or if he is further pushed towards anger, this situation will only worsen." And even then, now that I am aware that Kouzuki knows he is an Imperial Guard, now that I've heard his voice, his frail voice when shrieking in pain, his vigor when once more engaging in those word puns he so much loved… Stillness has no place within me as of now. "Thus," licking my lips, inhaling slowly, my knees, feet and leg quiver. Palpitations rise to my neck, barely below the skin. "Daizaburou-san, please go to the Vice Commander. I shall request the transfer myself."

"Wh- Your Highness, please reconsider!" Maya implores, both hands resting on the wood, eyes beginning to collapse.

"I must agree," he says, low. "Your Highness, there is perhaps an argument to be made in favor of passivity for the moment. You cannot-"

"While I cannot disclose Takeru's full identity to her, it is a simple matter to request the transfer of one of my vassals back to my command. And worry not, I shan't demand an immediate transfer. Yet, I believe Kouzuki could aid us in safeguarding Takeru while we arrange the required preparations. We do need to coordinate with her for his departure from Yokohama, eventually." I will not allow his life to be put in any more danger. Precisely because we are starved for time we must make the most of every passing second. "Daizaburou-san, please make haste. I wish this matter to be resolved immediately."

"Your Highness, allow me to tell you that she told me she would allow him to return to us only if he himself wanted to. Even if you are willing to present some documents, to act in such haste could backfire. And I believe we shouldn't-"

"Daizaburou-san?"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember who are you speaking about as of now?"

"Eh? But of course, 1st Lt Shirogane is one of our most valued fellows. As a distinguished trainee and pilot he-"

"Are you dodging the issue, General?"

"N-No, I am at a loss on what you're asking, milady."

Nibbling my lips for a moment, gazing at Raiko-san for another, I place a hand on the base of my neck, a finger delving into the triangle as I inhale. "Then, allow me to remind you. Shirogane is not his true surname, General. Takeru Koubuin is my trusted right hand, my irreplaceable shadow, and I aim to have his rightful title restored to him upon his return to my side."

"His rightful… Yuuhi-sama, are you…" Mana's voice fades to dark in the comms, subtle noises indicate the sentences would be stuck on her throat.

"To have him return under your surname… that's…" Maya gapes, eyes wide and unblinking.

"It is quite drastic and daring, yes," Tsuhi nods, not showing any emotion in her features, as clear as they sky is today.

"…Are you being serious, milady?" Raiko-san asks, in equal befuddlement to Maya as she runs a hand over her hair.

"Why, is any of you inconvenienced by my desire to honor the vows I exchanged with my fiancee before those accursed bombs took him from me?" I ask with a tilt of my head, smiling as I interlock my fingers yet squint my eyes.

Tsuhi shakes her head with the habitual apathy, yet places a hand on her shoulder and smiles, then gives me a nod.

Grandma covers her mouth with a hand, bowing down my way without delay.

Maya's hands wring for a moment, dampness surfacing within her eyelids, before she hastily shakes her head and bows, remaining in position.

Raiko-san, however, holds my gaze. In silence, with a neutral expression and relaxed features. Upon a moment of clashing, she swiftly bows down to me without altering her facade.

"So General, do take the communicator to the Vice Commander. Time is of essence."

"E-Even so, given his current mental condition, to further debate with Kouzuki could-"

"Takeru will be coming back to me. That's final. And there is no better place for him to recover than his own house, by my side. We all are in agreement on that regard, I'm certain. So please, let us not waste any more time. If at all possible, I would like to… have a talk with the man, just to be certain. And if he is indeed Takeru… then he belongs to me," just as I am wholly his.

"Yes, milady. By your will," he says, heaving a sigh.

Same Day. A few minutes before.

(Infirmary, B5F.)

[Yuuko]

"So, they then admitted you were part of their fellowship," I say, nodding once then ruffling my hair. "For a second I thought they weren't going to stop insisting on having you leave with them, but for the moment I think everything is going according to plan."

He blinks, and again. Remaining silent, merely looking at me.

"And," I add, now grasping my chin, "they also bought the fake report I had cooked up. Your trails are also covered, so your identity is all but solidified in their minds."

…Still nothing, merely looking, merely staring.

Hiding both hands on my pockets, taking a step forward, "They did refuse to tell me anything of your military training, but I believe they truly are concerned over your health. Yashiro couldn't feel any surface-level thoughts, so whatever was on their minds was something truly personal for them. Don't worry, I'm certain you'll be able to stay here now. It's all a matter of-"

"Why?"

"Eh?"

His brows slowly descend, not into a frown as his tone led me to believe. But into a pained grimacing. "Why didn't you tell me anything? Why did you drug me?"

"I… had to do it in this way, for maximum effect. You had to be in the dark, so that you could shine brighter. I was not expecting the sedatives to have such a side effect on you, I admit. I… apologize for that." I give him a small nod, his expression doesn't move one bit, nor does his cracking stare from mine. "Ahem… So, how are you feeling?"

"Cough… As if I had jumped out of a plane in the middle of a typhoon with the parachute tied to my dick," he whispers amidst his groans, Yashiro takes a step back and hides behind me.

"Well, you did crash your Gekishin into the ground… In any case, do you recall anything from the outburst? What caused you to go berserk?"

Again, he grimaces. "So you don't even remember, huh?" A weak chuckle as he hangs his head, followed by light coughing.

"I… what?"

"I told you before, right? I have lots of bad… memories, and I lost it during the XM3's test last loop when given the drugs. I… I don't mix well with hypnotherapy, or at least with combat hypnosis."

Now that he brings it up… Shit, he did mention that once. Still, the tests he took, and all his data as well, point to the medicine being effective in him, there should be no side effects.

No, a moment… Oh, fuck. Of course, the leaking. It's not a biological reaction, it's a psychological one. Shirogane's conscious mind, his will to power through the adversity is what keeps him steady most of the time. Remove that, weaken his conscious efforts to remain strong…

…and all that's left is the entanglement of guilt and trauma buried in his subconscious mind. Not to mention, the sharing of data between timelines could cause him to vividly recall certain memories with the appropriate catalyst. I didn't expect the sedatives to have such strong an effect on him, Shirogane was fine this morning after all. Sigh… I should have been more careful with-

No, if I had rested well as he insisted I do, this wouldn't have happened, I would have thought of this possibility. And now, he is the one shouldering the recoil.

"Sorry, it slipped my mind."

"…I see."

"In any case, not all news are bad. I believe my plan is going well, if nothing out of the ordinary happens your identity will be cleared shortly."

"I told you I don't want to be near the guards," he then looks at me again, frowning. "And you didn't listen, looks like."

"You need to face this, Shirogane. Didn't you hear? Little you was not abandoned or anything, what you're feeling is the dread of… Shura's Dance latter moments, I believe. The assimilation always starts from the heaviest, character-defining data, let me remind you."

"…For real?"

"Of course, who do you think you're talking to?"

"The person who lied to me, again."

"I… Look Shirogane, we had to do this in this way," I say, placing a hand on his shoulder. His… completely sagged and stiff shoulder. "Now, instead of being on the offensive asking questions and raising fingers, the guards are bowing down in apology, answering every inquiry I raise. Don't you see? It hurt you much, I won't deny that, but now we have a proper shield around you. And if you… insist on taking your time on the decision, we have an excuse to buy us some days."

"…Really?"

"What's with that side glance?"

"You wouldn't be deceiving me again now?"

"Wha- Why would I? You're my ally, Shirogane. I did this to give us the upper hand, you'd understand."

"…You didn't trust in me, you drugged me, and keep pushing towards plans you know I don't agree with."

Inhaling sharply, leveling a stare into him, I lean forward, beginning to frown. "Then, tell me, cadet Shirogane. How do you propose we shield you from the guards?"

"We already had enough, they had no motives to come at me. Now, though? After I attacked them like that…"

"They know it was-"

"It's not just them. What will the rest think? I tried so hard… to prove I'm not some psychotic bastard…"

"Once you receive their blessing, it's all the same, right? Or, perhaps, did you see something during your outrage?"

"I…"

"Yes?"

"…I don't know," he barely whispers, slumping back onto the bed. Yashiro peeks from behind me, going up to Shirogane and petting his head.

"What do you mean? Why are you reacting in this way if you don't remember?" I mean, considering the amount of G-Radiation that showed on the monitors, and the, ahem, odd damage in the cockpit, everything points to you regaining some memories.

"I think," he starts, slow, closing his eyes, "that I saw something really sad. Something… someone…" As if trying to make a circle with his hands, as if grasping at sand, his fingers slowly try to close. Yet, he sighs and apathetically lowers his hands to the sheets, "I don't know, but it felt awful."

"Well, you just take it easy for now." He does look exhausted, mentally more than physically to be honest. "I'll fill some paperwork so that you can take tomorrow off too, if you need it. Anyways, your efforts weren't fruitless today, Shirogane. Not only they revealed that little you wasn't thrown away, but also admitted you were a Royal Guard and-"

"I'm not a Royal Guard!" A sudden shout, eyes wide open, gritting his teeth he tries to rise, but ended up back on the pillow with a more intense pained face as he flops down. Yashiro glares at me, while petting his head again.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." It seems he was right, trying to make him inherit all those memories so fast did a nasty number on him. "You just rest for now. I'll try to find a way to slow down the assimilation so that you can inherit everything more-"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want to gain any more memories of him. This…" he sighs, clutching his forehead, "was my limit, Yuuko."

"Then, what do we do with Her Highness? Do you believe for a single second that she'll simply let this slide?"

"I can't be him, Yuuko. Please… What else do you want me to do to have you listen to me?" He then looks up at me, holding my gaze, gripping the sheets.

"Your safety needs to be assured, you'd understand." I am not letting them take you from here, nor will I allow them to reiterate their hostilities towards you. "And for that, you need to play your part. I understand that you're pained, shocked at the darkest memories of those days. However, that is not all that you lived through on those days. You yourself said it before, that there must have been something pushing you onward despite all the tragedy."

"But… But…"

"And to back down now? When we finally have the guards on the back foot? Can't you see this is our chance not only to ascertain your safety for the future, but to integrate your self in this world as well?" He says nothing, starting to subtly shake. "Shirogane, do you truly think Her Highness to be the source of the dread you're-"

"And what if I can't take it?"

"Huh?"

"What if I snap?" Again, he clutches his forehead, stuttering. "What if… next time, I really hurt someone?"

"Why would you do something like that? I am not going to force any more sedatives on-"

"And what if a mere memory causes that? I don't know what it was clearly, but…" inhaling slowly, he lifts his face, back to the usual business and serious expression he endows at times, "as I told you before, when I hate something, there's no turning back from that. And-"

"You don't think you can control yourself, in the worst case scenario?"

"…Yeah. I mean, you saw how I was at the end of Iceberg. I couldn't stop this, whatever the hell it was, from screwing me over. I dunno if I'll keep it together next time. At this point," he throws himself to the pillow, sighing heavily, "it might even be better to send me back home."

"Don't say that, Takeru-san!"

"I'm being serious. If there's no dissuading the guards, and these memories can make me lose it, I can't risk absorbing them. As things stand, my presence here is harming the proje-"

"Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"Eh?" He blinks, breaking eye contact as he raises a hand to his hair. "I mean, ain't it for the best, that I leave before shit gets worse? If you send me back, then people will forget I was even here to begin with. The guards won't have a reason to antagonize you, and you already have so much more than last loop. I don't think you need me here, I wasn't of much help in Kashgar anyways."

"The one who decides your worth is me, Shirogane."

"But I-I don't know if I can take-"

"Everything will be fine, so long as you follow my orders. I was tired, as you pointed out yesterday, so I share part of the blame for this. Yet, this accident served a good purpose, to force the guards to bow down. So long as everything remains under control, and you don't get negative, there's no need to fear any knockback from the memory inheritance. Or, what? Do you not trust in me? Do you truly want to leave?"

"That's not it but… I dunno how to describe it well," he says, pursing his lips, caressing his arms as if it were cold. "It was different than when I snapped during the trials last loop, or when I get in the machine, or when Kasumi helps me remember. There was something, like, there." He gestures upwards, clawing at the ceiling. "It hurt, so fucking much, to feel it, like, disappear from my grasp. And if you don't tell me ahead of time what you're going to do, I… can't bring myself to trust in you, Yuuko. Because I might ruin this for both of us, and Sumika, if I have another attack. If you don't even let me trust in you, if I'm so much of a bother… just let me go, and all these inquiries will vanish with me."

…

What on earth did he see? I expected more anger, perhaps some shouts, maybe some more strong reactions like he had yesterday. Yet, he's so… deflated. Saddened, but not overly crushed. Lips relaxed, not closed yet not open either, his breathing remains slow. But his eyes are still elsewhere. No, Shirogane is understandably exhausted. Such an absorption of G-Radiation was bound to leave its mark. And this is my miss, for not being at the top of my game to ensure he wouldn't suffer such a recoil.

"Shirogane?"

"What?" Another whisper, without even moving his head.

"If you truly want to leave this world, I will respect your wish. But, I do need you to tune the 00 Unit beforehand."

"I know, I ain't going to abandon you, Yuuko. You… can count on me for that." Trying to sit up, tension comes to his features as his arms shake in effort. "Sigh… I'll do what I have to, you can be sure of that. Just… I don't promise you anything about the guards."

"That is fine by me. However," I step forward, leaning closer, closer, until I see my reflection in his eyes, until he has to move backwards, "while I am your ally, there are certain things I require of you, Shirogane. And you returning to your world might not be a possibility we have available, as you once told me. So, if you are to stay here, I want you to face whatever may come our way head on."

"But-"

"No," lifting a finger, I seal his lips, "no doubts. There is no hesitation to be had. You once told me you wanted me to treat you as an equal, right?" He nods, finally holding my gaze. "Then, if you want me to include you in my plans, face this issue and solve it, show me you can back up your words about wanting to lead this world to a better future than this Ouka mission you spoke of before. Prove me you're enough to stand by my side Shirogane, and there will be no more secrets between you and me. Do we have a deal?"

"And you're not tripping me, are you?"

"I need you, Shirogane. For the 00 Unit, for the battles that will come. The fact that you're awake, only a few hours after the breakdown you suffered, tells enough." I move back, restoring his personal space, then fold my arms. "So, if you show results and we can ascertain no more issues are left in your identity, you'll be my right hand in what matters you can tackle. Does that sound good to you?"

"Sigh… Yeah, it does."

"Of course, we may not have much time left. Yet, the choice is in your hands. For the moment, you simply rest, okay? And if you want anything to eat, give me a call and I'll have it delivered immediately."

"Don't worry, I can take some exhaustion. I just… want some silence."

…Why? What's this lack of… everything in him? There's no anger at me, despite what he could have seen of Shura's Dance. There's not even anger at the guards, either. He's… cracked, saddened, disgruntled. Desolated. What on earth did he see that had this effect on him? I suppose, it is not odd that he found himself crushed before when living through this as a Royal Guard, if my hunch on who he was is right, but for it to have such an impact on his current self.

…Nothing I can do for him, expect for giving him his space.

"Well, if you need anything, you know my office's number," I nod, turning around and going to the door.

A moment to stretch my arms upwards, another to sigh, I go towards my office with Yashiro following behind.

Let's check my PDA, I have… Wow. Double digits, really Marimo? If I don't pick up one, why couldn't you stop calling? Well, little to be done. Mad might be the Dog now, but she's the least of my concerns for the moment.

I was hoping to speak with Shirogane about this, but the guards did clearly say he was inducted at age twelve. Yet, Shirogane's father died when he was ten. What happened in those two years? Testings, trials in his education? And they said nothing of his relation with the Shogun, or about how he had his own squad, the Swordbreakers, who I believe were our old and ruthless allies during 1999, or about why that little blade had its hilt colored blue. This only confirms my suspicions, he was someone very important. Very, very close to them, in fact. I'm certain Her Purpleness won't be able to remain still, it won't take long for them to reach out to us, wanting to disclose his identity. Even if it isn't the full picture, unless she truly was cross with Shirogane, or the feelings have dulled and she'll forsake him to not impair her political duties, in which case I win anyways, Her Highness will request me to transfer Shirogane to them.

And by saying he is the one with the last say in the matter, she will definitely want to speak with him herself. And then, hearing her will let Shirogane regain any positive memories about her, I'm sure. While the possibility of it backfiring was possible, this accident removed it out of the board. He is tired, but Shirogane is still as resolute as always despite the sadness. But if he didn't grow angered, then interacting with Her Highness, when she would be filled with worry for his safety, will allow him to finally regain some good memories of their time together. And with that, he'll regain his usual cheer and won't be as doubtful towards the IRG anymore. Plus, he swore he'd stay, so I don't have to worry about him actually leaving to Her Purpleness' side.

That being said… I wonder what did he see. No, the question here is, why did he see a traumatic memory at that time? Why did he saw something like that when fighting against 1st Lt Tsukuyomi? Did she say something that triggered it? It is a concern, if Her Highness employs the same words he could, perhaps, have another- No, no, he has no drug residue left in him. It was that concoction what caused the accident, if Shirogane could will the memories at any given time we wouldn't be in this predicament anyways.

I wish I could do more to help him, but resting is all he should be doing right now. If what he saw is enough to do this to him, despite all he had to go through on his previous experiences, I cannot push him further. I have to find a way to aid Shirogane's mind, and fast at that. If he cannot bring himself to halt his own negative thoughts, he might-

Beep! Beep!

Pulling out my comms, I quickly press the switch, "Hello?"

"Yuuko, is now alright?"

"Oh, Motoko-nee. Yeah, I'm going to the elevator now. Are you in the office?"

"Outside of it, since you always lock the damn door," she says, chuckling.

"Serves you right for entering without permission and filling it with that damn smoke. So, what is it?"

"I have the report with me," speaking slowly, she sobers up, "there was a giant downwards spike in the radiation. It was localized, though. It only happened in the training field."

"…As I thought."

She sighs, short and heavy. "I don't want to assume anything but, do you think the Shirogane boy was affected by this spike, somehow? The state of the cockpit you showed me would indicate that, I believe."

"I think he caused it."

"Huh?" And she doesn't reply for a moment, long enough to let me reach the end of the hallway and call the elevator, despite pacing calmly along Yashiro. "Yuuko, are you being serious? The boy is the source of the downwards spikes of G-Radiation?"

"So I said."

"But… Just… How? How could it be?"

"I'll fill you in later, I might need your help with something." Motoko-nee is probably the only person who could understand what's going on with Shirogane's psyche, how the G-Radiation is affecting him, and whether or not it's safe to use more sedatives on him from now on.

"Fine, I'll save the questions for later. Guess this means you'll finally introduce me to Shirogane, huh?"

"Don't get your hopes up. This is a serious matter and- Hey, was that a lighter I heard?" She chuckles, I can only groan back.

"Come on, now. You made me drop the one I was smoking before," she takes a small pause, I hear the puff of smoke she releases, and part of that awful, sickening smell comes back to my nose and the back of my teeth. "Well, don't worry, Yuu-chan. I don't know what's going on here, but you can count on me. I can't wait to finally speak with the famous guy after so long, though. Why did Mitsuko get to be introduced first? You can't play favorites, Yuu-chan," she keeps on chuckling, voice light and relaxed as always.

"Shut up. It's how things turned out. And anyways, you already talked with Shirogane yesterday, right?" Or on today's first hours, to be precise. As much as I thank him letting me rest, Motoko-nee is not going to let me live this down, how he picked up the phone on my office as if he were an assistant. Bet that's why she's so joking today.

"Huh? No, I never talked with Shirogane before. Are you still half-asleep? Do you need more rest, Yuu-chan?"

"Ugh, shut it! And stop playing dumb, I'm in no mood for-"

"P-Professor," Yashiro pulls my arm, voice alarmed.

Looking back, Pyatkh was guiding General Daizaburou to my presence. She gives me a small bow in apology when our sights cross. Sigh… Little to be done. Brushing my hair then folding my arms, I step forward as Yashiro hides again behind me.

"General, is something the matter?"

"XO, I am here to continue the talks we had before, regarding the cadet's situation."

"I believe I had already made myself clear enough. And if you're requesting permission to see him now, I must-"

"A moment, please," he says, raising a hand. A hand that has a small communicator in it, the Imperial model. "I am not who shall speak with you. I insist."

…

No… No way. This fast? Shirogane isn't well enough yet. But if I refuse, it's two steps back in our plans. Do I go through with this? The second I pick up this communicator… It's Her Highness, I'm sure of it. Even if she is convinced when speaking with him, if she says something that works as a catalyst…

No, think. Normally, I wouldn't be able to refuse a petition from Her Highness. There's nothing I can do. But Shirogane? That's another matter entirely. If he refuses, or if he hesitates and becomes weakened, then I'll be able to negotiate for more time. And Yashiro is now here, and I know he isn't high on any emotion. He should have exhausted his causal pull as the Nucleus with the recovery in the Gekishin. The risks are never zero, but refusing this will place both of us in quite the compromising position. I'll have to trust in Shirogane to handle this well. Well, he did seem resolute enough to stay, to be my equal. Refusing has me becoming the enemy in their eyes, in Her Highness' eyes no less.

…Be brave for me one last time today, Shirogane.

"So, who I have the pleasure to be speaking with?"

"Good afternoon, Professor Kouzuki." A silky, but piercing, voice met me from the other side of the line. Just as I expected. "I believe we haven't had the chance to share a word with each other in private yet? I am the current Shogun, Yuuhi Koubuin."

"…I see. And to what do I owe this honor, Your Highness?" But really, who are you supposed to be to have her call in such hurry? Well, considering what he told me of his relation with Mitsurugi…

"I suppose you must already know," she begins, slow and delicate as petals, yet firm and ailing as thorns. "I would be wishing you to speak to this supposed Takeru Shirogane you have on your base. And in the case he is indeed who I believe he is, I will be asking you to authorize his future transfer back to the Royal Guard."

Not even masking her intentions, huh. Short and to the point, and the habitual delicacy she has in most meetings is hiding quite the armory behind the veil.

"…You'll have to forgive me, Your Highness. Cadet Shirogane is exhausted after today's accident, and as I said before to your subordinates, I will only transfer him to the IRG if he wishes to. Furthermore, as his current legal guardian, I would be wishing to receive the formal documentation that proves Shirogane is related to the fellowship of 1st Lt Tsukuyomi, as she claimed."

"Oh, is that so? Worry not, I am planning on sending the proper documents to you, once I confirmed myself the identity of the cadet. So again I ask, could you kindly allow me to speak with Shirogane?"

"Still… As I said, the cadet is exhausted after the accident he suffered. I hope you are aware of what this means. Even if it's you, I expect you not to bring harm to the cadet with your inquiries. He already has received enough hostility from the nobility, you'd understand."

"Who does she think she-" A momentary yell reaches my ears from the comms, a voice I believe I recognize. Shortly after, the debating ceases.

"Ahem," and the silk seems to be burning as of now, "I have been made aware of the debates that have transpired regarding the cadet's situation, Professor Kouzuki." Also, insisting on that instead of the rank. Showing she doesn't want to clash with the UN, maybe? "Which is why I desire to speak with the cadet myself, as this issue with his profiles is of grave importance. As you should know, 1st Lt Tsukuyomi is also part of my fellowship. So-"

"So Shirogane is also your responsibility, I understand Your Highness. Yet, I'd be foolish of me not to warn you. He was very tired, and not in a particular good mood, either. If you must know, he even talked back to me when we platicated."

"Oh, truly? Is he dissatisfied with the situation?"

Hmm. Quite a change in tone, Your Purpleness. "No, not entirely. He is taking this very hard on himself, however. Which is why I must ask you to be careful, to mind your words. I frankly would like to solve this matter as quickly as possible, but I cannot disregard Shirogane's concerns. So, if you'd allow, I would ask you to tell me if you truly have nothing against the cadet. I won't delve into the Shogunate's affair, but if there is ill blood towards Shirogane and you wish him gone-"

"There is no such thing, Professor," she says, once more dry and firm. "I wouldn't be taking this issue into mine own hands otherwise. We wish Shirogane no harm, on the contrary… all I desire is to bestow upon him the fair reward we denied him at the end of Lucifer. Of course, the UN, and you more than anything, shall be rewarded for safeguarding my vassal until today. I had believed we had a rather amicable relationship with Yokohama, after all. Thus, I know I am imposing, asking this of you behind curtains, yet would you allow me to speak with cadet Shirogane?"

"…Alright, I'll allow it. However, please note that he isn't emotionally stable at the moment, so Shirogane might scream or curse at you. You will have to mind your words, and please refrain from referencing his past if you would be so kind. He'll certainly react negatively if you try and insist to have him return immediately to the Royal Guard, so I advise you do not purse that line. Would that be agreeable to you, Your Highness?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you kindly for your understanding, Professor," and finally, back to the soft as silk tone. Deep and true, as much as the sigh she releases away from the comms, even if I still hear it well enough.

"No, it is nothing. I am merely doing my part, to safeguard my protegee. Now, please do wait a moment, Your Highness. I shall go back to the infirmary immediately."