Muv-Luv Reversal

by Zuoriel

Takeru has been leading a normal life until now. During the summer vacation of his second year in college he's invited by his high school friends to meet up again, to which he agrees. Shirogane doesn't know that this decision would release the nightmares that have been haunting him for some time, nightmares that would be better left forgotten.

73. Inflection Point - Waking the Dragon

"Curiosity is not a sin, but you should be careful with it. Sometimes, the answers that you seek are not those you would like to hear."

Mana Tsukuyomi.

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Chapter 73:

Inflection Point – Waking the Dragon

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Just a few moments later.

(Infirmary.)

[Takeru]

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"Cadet Shirogane, someone wishes to speak with you," the XO says while handing me a communicator, a different model than ours, with a completely frozen tone, and an even more freezing stare.

"…Who is it?"

"Someone very, very important. So do keep your manners, if you wouldn't mind."

…And what about my resting time? I just told you I can't take this shit anymore, I can't even move my legs well for fuck's sake. All things considered, if it's not a visit in person from the guards then-

Yuuhi.

Is Yuuko cutting me off to safeguard the project? No, if she were doing that, there would be no call or anything, I'd be dead already. But she might be washing her hands off this whole business, letting Yuuhi draw her own conclusions. If I deceive her, the XO will still find me useful. If I fuck this up, she'll throw me away.

…And it ain't as if I could refuse. Makes me wanna punch something, makes me wanna puke, but Yuuko's just doing what she has to. It's either this, or maybe risking the coup to happen if Yuuhi gets cross with her.

Inhaling deep, I end up coughing a bit. Rubbing my throat as I look up, into her violet eyes, there is no hint of anything. Perfect poker face, she isn't even looking into my eyes. Not a single movement betrays her posture, her composure, and I can practically hear the bustling of fire and sparks that lay in her eyes. The XO's in business mode, and that spells bad news for me. I knew this day could come…

…but it still hurts to see her like this again. Guess that's I'll ever be for her in the end, just another pawn. Don't even deserve some forewarning, she wasn't even telling the truth a fucking minute ago. But, it ain't as if I can't see her angle. I can't receive a call from Yuuhi if I'm nervous or angry, so she was doing damage control. And her words then, about us being equals… She wasn't being serious, it was all to get me motivated for this. Heh, do you think I'm so easy to deceive, Yuuko? You wound me, after all I've told you of my past lives.

…Would be nice to be naive again, to truly believe she was hyping me up for the challenge that is this call from Yuuhi. Guess it's my fault, for even getting my hopes up in the first place.

Raising my hand, I take the small thing from her, nodding slowly. Yuuko, no, Vice Commander Kouzuki returns a subtle nod, turning away and hurriedly leaving the room. Not even a whisper, a thumbs up, a small smile, anything.

Sigh… Thanks for the vote of trust, XO.

I always knew something like this could happen, ever since the CCSE. And even if making me disappear erases the memories of my existence here, the other feelings may remain. And that, is what the XO must be concerned about. Would like to actually be able to snap at Yuuko here, maybe the anger would let me deceive Yuuhi a bit better. But there's only lag, heaviness in me.

And I can't, I won't let my weakness be used to screw Yuuko over. Sumika and Kasumi depend on her, and by extension the better half of the planet if we want to avoid the sea from swallowing Eurasia again. I can only hope my help thus far was enough to make her willing to lend my world a hand even if I fail here.

Lips shake as I bring the comms to my chin, tongue lashing back as if I had drank boiling water. While again feeling cold pokes all over me, another sigh leaves my lips as I rest against the pillow.

"…Hello?"

…

"…Salutations," a slow, silky voice says. "Am I speaking with cadet Takeru Shirogane at the moment?"

"Yes, that's me. Who… would you be?"

"Ahem… I am Yuuhi Koubuin, the current Shogun of the Empire. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, cadet Shirogane," she barely whispers, a monotone that reeks formality and bureaucracy in its docile and welcoming echo.

"N-No, the pleasure is mine, Yuu- cough Your Highness."

"Is… that so. Thank you kindly for receiving my call, cadet. It is most gracious of you, after what seems to have transpired."

"It's nothing, really. So, uh…"

"Yes?"

Fuck it, I'll just be frontal. "Why are you wanting to speak with me? I mean… The Shogun herself wanting to talk with a lowly cadet such as me, feels like I'm dreaming." Maybe that's the case and I'm still unconscious in my Gekishin.

…Yeah, right.

"You are no such thing," slowly, she so says. Even slower than Yuuko, even colder too. "A mere cadet may your rank indicate you are, yet it is no reason to denigrate yourself, Shirogane."

"Uh… Sorry?" This feels like when we spoke during the coup, it's the same imposing tone. Bet there's a bit of fire coming out of her eyes, too.

"There is no need for apologies. And, I do understand your concerns," going back to normal, she coughs. "For someone such as me to be calling in person, certainly you're perhaps dreading the worst. However, all I would request out of you are some minutes to platicate. Would that be agreeable to you?" Voice creaking, she whispers the question.

Get real Yuuhi, like I can actually refuse. Placing a hand on my chest, inhaling and becoming aware of my heartbeats, the coldness rests on my back. The dream of that graveyard, the voice that follows me there. For a sec, Yuuhi sounded like that just now. When she scolded me, denying I was a 'lowly cadet'. And yet, there's this quiet static on the back of my head.

…Am I scared? Are these his feelings? Or, are both of us scared? I mean, if I fuck this up, Yuuhi is going to… to what? The sadness doesn't pierce me as of now, those shaving ice daggers are nowhere to be found yet.

"…I suppose, yes." But I can't back down. And if she is against me, that clarification is more than enough. "What did you wish to talk about?"

"Well then," she says, sounding silky and welcoming again, "how are you faring as of now? I was told you… could have suffered some injuries during a combat exercise?" And again, her voice lowers, delaying the words a bit.

"I am feeling well, Your Highness. Thank you for sparing some worry for me."

"I see. That is good to hear," I think I hear her sighing in the distance, as if she had moved the comms away. After a sec of silence, Yuuhi coughs softly on the other side. "Now then, before anything else, I would like to ask you some questions regarding the blade you possessed."

"…Will a punishment befall me for having a Minaru Kamui on me illegally when I returned to the Empire?"

She laughs briefly, a drowned sound as if she had a hand covering her mouth. "No, that is not my intention. I believe my retainers had already expressed their words of thankfulness towards you for returning to me the Minaru Kamui."

"Then, what would you be liking to ask of me? I had believed to have disclosed all I knew of the sword already," I slowly say, trying to keep my manners in place.

Which seems to make Yuuhi groan softly for a moment, before she coughs. "Could you tell me how you obtained such a treasure?"

"I am not going to-"

"No, I am not asking for the identity of the previous holder of the blade. I am asking of how it came to be in your possession."

"…Why?" Can't help but to raise a brow at the question.

"You see, I believe you said someone at your old base bestowed the blade onto you, but no such person could have existed. I have a well kept record of who have this swords on them, and none of them were outside of the Empire during these years."

"Um… Was the blade a fake one then, Your Highness?"

"No, the Minaru Kamui you possessed was a true heirloom of this nation," she says, never faltering nor losing speed. "As such, I am curious, if you will, at how were you bequeathed with such a treasure. Regardless of your answer, no burdens shall fall on your shoulders, Shirogane."

The image of Maya-san giving me the blade comes back. My last talk with Meiya comes back. Her smiling face, how she sulked when I called Maya-san by her name. How shining she was in her final moments, how happy she was to see the power plant working… only to die a few seconds later. Running a hand on my neck, the air slowly fills me. Licking my lips, I cough now so that I don't stutter later. But if I lie, I think Yuuhi would see through it. If I'm honest…

"There was someone… who was like a teacher for me."

"Like a teacher?"

"Yes, you see, when I was… facing a hard time someone came to talk with me. I needed to get my mind off things, so I asked that person to train me to learn how to use a sword."

"Was she a comrade of yours?"

"No, she… she doesn't belong to the military." In that world, at the least.

"…She?" Yuuhi suddenly changes her tone, dropping the welcoming silk and giving birth to blue embers flaring to life. "I know of the circumstances which surround the issues of this one Minaru Kamui, yet, would you truly not consider telling me who said woman was? Since, according to my records, none of my House's blue blades had left the Empire in recent years."

"It's just… Sigh…" I entwine my fingers together, sitting down on the bed and looking upwards. "She was someone really important to me. And… she isn't in this world, anyways. I brought the Minaru Kamui here and she wasn't planning on ever using its royal purpose. If a punishment must be executed, then I shall bear it."

Man… Now I'm sad all over again. Even if she is similar, I'll never see my Maya-sensei again. Even if I go back to my world, our relationship will be different. Sigh…

"That is not for you to decide, Shirogane," she said, immediately, emanating quite the sparks. "There is no reason for you to-"

"Please, Your Highness!" I bow by reflex, raising my voice a bit. "If someone has to pay for this offense, let me be the one to shoulder the burden."

I remain bowing, enduring the silence. Until she exhales, quite heavily.

"…Very well, I suppose I can grant you that wish," dousing back to her prior politeness, Yuuhi then coughs. "Allow me to tell you my worry was not because the blade was a real Minaru Kamui. Perhaps, I could have extended words of thankfulness towards that woman for safeguarding the sword, yet perhaps you're right and we should let this matter rest."

Yeah, no. She's super pissed off for some reason. Well, the Minaru Kamui is a symbol of nobility. She's only doing her job as the Head of her House, and if Meiya got so defensive it stands to reason Yuuhi would be even more protective of the affairs surrounding the blue blades.

…

Wait a sec. She must have a record of the people that have this kind of the blades. Yet the records say not a single sword left… but Yuuhi, Tsukuyomi-san and the General accepted the one I had as a 'real' one, despite it coming from my world…

How did the missing blade left their grasp? And, if they're not accusing me of stealing it, if they're not asking me if I know any of the previous owners, you know, like asking me if the last owner they have recorded is who gave me the sword or something…

Does it mean that 'Takeru Shirogane' was given a Minaru Kamui here? Like in my world?

"So, I suppose you won't file any claims at me over my possession of the blade?"

"…Well, that depends on your intentions. Did you ever plan to use the Minaru Kamui for its royal purpose?"

"Of course not, Your Highness. I was merely using it to train in my room sometimes, I did not know of its connection to the royalty. Once cadet Mitsurugi told me of it during the CCSE, I decided to hand it over, to prevent any misunderstandings from occurring. That is why I told 1st Lt. Tsukuyomi of it when we met after I returned from the CCSE. I truly had no idea it held such weight in the Empire, and I can only apologize to you for my folly."

And then, silence.

I can hear her breath in, I lick my lips and gulp nothingness.

She exhales softly, yet says nothing. And it makes a shiver run down my spine.

"I see, so that's what occurred," she finally says, composed and polite once more. "If you had no ill intent, I see no reason to punish you for this. You have already returned it to me, and that is what matters most."

Sigh… One bullet dodged.

"Thank you very much, Your Highness." I say, again bowing to her by reflex.

"No, I should be thanking you for your honesty," she says, in a sweet voice. "You could have tried to gain something through the sword, yet you remained composed upon finding such a treasure in your hands. It is an attitude worth praise, Shirogane."

"…Thank you kindly, Your Highness."

"Please, there is no need for you to be so stiff and formal. There is nothing to fear, I am merely wishing to speak with you, that is all."

"I see. So then, was there something else?" Of course there's something else. So, come on Yuuhi. Get your game on.

"Well, allow me to delve into the main topic. I know it might be unproper yet, do you recall what transpired during this accident?" Stalwart and firm like a rampart, clear and strong as sunlight in summer.

"To be honest, no. It's all just a blur."

"Is that so. Before anything else, allow me to clarify that the Royal Guard has no animosity towards you, cadet Shirogane. Your father was one of us, as I believe you already know, thus there was no ill will behind this turn of events," she says in a matter of fact way, as if she were rehearsing a script.

Polished poker, smooth and pleasant to the ears. And yet, there clearly is a raised shield in her wording, in her tone. Politely menacing, is what she sounds like. Reminds me a bit of my world's Meiya when she tried to argue her position in serious matters when we got together.

Without pause or waiting to take in air, Yuuhi continues in her serious monologue.

"1st Lt Tsukuyomi and her fellows were merely doing their work during the training exercise, driven by their duty as public servants, so allow me to extend their words of apology to you. And as the current Shogun, I can only hope you can bring yourself to spare some forgiveness towards them. All that has transpired since your return to the Empire seems to have been trying to you, and I sincerely hope you can one day see this nation as your home and the rest of us as your fellows again." Voice lowering, composure peeling off, Yuuhi takes a moment of silence. "My sincerest apologies, Shirogane. For it was mine own ineptitude and weakness which caused the databases to be missing your data, which in turn robbed you of your citizenship and identity."

"No, Your Highness, it's alright, really. You don't have to apologize, I understand."

And anyways, I can tell she is sorry for real on this matter since she sounds like little wood sticks thrown in a fire. Like she was when we spoke in the cockpit, lamenting the bloodshed, begging me to not decelerate. But still, so it was you who erased him, huh. Either that, or she's taking it all upon herself like Meiya tends to do all the time.

…But she sounds worried. Concerned, guilty. It's nothing like the perfect pond of composure she was during the coup, like the welcoming but still distant aura she irradiated back then. It's like she were reaching out, kind of, but were hesitating on how to tend a wound, whether to hurry or to first survey the skin with a faint touch. But why? I mean, after he felt so pained at the mere thought of her, after she turned her back on him like in those nightmares I saw.

"Shirogane?"

Hmm… These twisting feelings are pulling in the opposite direction. Like, her soft voice reminds me a lot of my Meiya. And it gives me a nice little tickle on my sides, as even during the coup merely being in Yuuhi's presence was enough for me to chill out. But at the same time, there's this shiver on my nape, the ice ants doing an imperial march on my back, running the Shirogane GP at full speed.

"Cadet Shirogane, are you listening?"

"Huh? O-Oh. My apologies, Your Highness!"

"Is something the matter?" Now her tone slows down, the sun setting in a hurry.

"No, I was just lost in thought. I tend to do that a lot. My apologies, I meant no disrespect, Your Highness," and again, I bow down out of reflex.

"I see. Worry not, I have taken no offense," she says, washing the premature sparks off the silk. "Ahem. Would you be feeling well enough for us to platicate of… what issues seem to plague your citizenship and profiles as of now?"

"I guess that's why you're calling in person, huh." Straight to the point, like a certain blue samurai I know and love.

"Yes, it might be. Yet, I was also… concerned over your health."

"Huh? Why?" Trying to lie? Think that'll work on me?

"It would be most regrettable, for you to have suffered injuries during a training. More so considering what I have been made aware of regarding your situation. By the by, were you told of what 1st Lt Tsukuyomi arranged with the XO after this accident?" She asks, slightly louder, a blade in warning, kind of.

"All the Vice Commander told me is they settled for not blaming me for whatever happened. And that the guards also apologized to my squadmates."

"Hmm," she doesn't sound particularly amused. "Then, if you would be feeling well, may I proceed to forward some queries your way?"

"Sigh… I don't mind, no." She won't let this go, she is Meiya's twin after all. "But first, I would like to ask you to clarify something. If you'd allow me," I add in a hurry, bowing my head by reflex.

"You may speak freely, Shirogane," Yuuhi says, without a single millisecond of delay.

"Then, let me cut to the point. Your Highness, are you suspecting me of having stolen someone else's identity?"

"Pardon?" …Oh shit, I angered her.

"I, uh, considering all that I know, and that, well, you of all people is speaking with me, maybe you had decided to follow on a claim of identity theft after my outburst towards 1st Lt Tsukuyomi. I… really cannot fault you for making such a choice," or Yuuko for not having shielded me this time. If Yuuhi's planning to erase me as he was, let's not waste time and get this-

"I am not considering anything of the sort," she affirms, almost yelling as I hear a faint slamming sound, wood crying a bit. "Were you not told that the guards present in Yokohama do not doubt your words? I was led to believe 1st Lt Tsukuyomi had even offered to aid you with your father's profile."

"So, if you don't doubt my identity… What do you want to ask of me?"

…How much I remember? How do I see you and the IRG? To pressure me until I go to the Capital? Clutching my chest, I inhale sharply. The small girl she once was held no malice towards little me. I don't think he hated Yuuhi, there is no anger towards her. But she did left him behind, and if I piece together the words of that nightmare and what I know of Shura's Dance, and that Yuuhi would have been appointed as the Shogun during the invasion since Chizuru confirmed that the prior one was still in function during the Defense of Kyoto, it would mean she abandoned him in Yokohama, in Hakuryo. That explains the disappointment, the heartache I've been feeling.

But it doesn't explain the harshness, the absolute zero of the words of the dream in the graveyard. She removed him from her fellowship, she threw me- him away. And while she could be feeling guilty at everything that happened afterwards… Why are my hands shaking? What's this cold sweat on my neck?

"Well, it is a simple matter, in all honesty," Yuuhi says, almost inaudible through the speaker, then coughs again and raises her voice, regains her poise. "You see, I called for you to clear these misunderstandings. As the Shogun, I will take it upon myself to mend the errors the databases have suffered. And it is only natural I would wish to repay you, for revealing this error to me. It is also my duty as the ruler to ensure you, one of my citizens, is not punished unfairly for this unfortunate situation you have been made to endure. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Then, what exactly do you want?"

"…Ahem. Simply put, I would like to avoid your issues from spiraling out of control. It would be quite troublesome, if a claim was forwarded against you. Not only for your career, but for the impact it could have on the media."

"…Right," I hadn't thought of that. More bad news, and an error in the databases could lead to a huge problem for the Empire. Could make Chizuru's dad image to take a nose dive, maybe incite a certain someone to take arms in his disappointment.

Or for the wrong people to 'offer their services' to fix the issue, when all they want is unrestricted access to classified documents.

"Thus, mending your profiles quickly and quietly is of utmost importance," Yuuhi says, composed and calm. Maybe she doesn't even care anymore? Yeah, maybe she just wants to focus on her political career. And wants to truly cut her ties with the jester she no longer needs. "Am I right to assume you desire to regain your Japanese citizenship, cadet Shirogane?"

"If I said yes, would you request me to visit the Capital?"

"I would welcome your cooperation, indeed. I shan't demand an immediate departure, yet it would be for the better if you could pay Tokyo a visit."

"However, I believe you should know the risks that has for me. I… I'm an outsider, people won't take kindly to me." Much less now that I went and attacked Tsukuyomi-san like that.

"That is only conjecture on your end, cadet. Not all of us would look at you in disdain for your origins," she says, sighing a bit. "Also, allow me to remind you," and again, fire under the silk, "you are Japanese, one of us. I can confirm to you that you are no exile nor traitor, this was nothing but a mistake, a mistake caused by my ineptitude."

"Still, who would put their trust in me now after this accident?"

"I believe you should have trustworthy comrades in the base?"

"Would they want to put their own reputation at risk by being tied to someone 'violent' like me? No, I don't want that for them. I… don't know if I have it in me to even face them, to be honest."

I can't really expect everyone to turn a blind eye and remain welcoming towards me. They only gave me a chance because they thought I was worth their trust. And I fucked it all up, no way they'll see me the same after this outrage towards Tsukuyomi-san. I always was a stranger here, anyways. And I don't want to bring trouble to Yuuko or my squadmates, it was bad enough when there were only a few whispers. Even if they find it in them to give me another chance, if that old distrust from before the CCSE doesn't return for whatever reason, do I really wanna let my presence ruin our trainings? All it takes is someone like the gray haired bastard or that red haired bitch to come looking for shit, to pin my bad rep on my squadmates too.

What if other soldiers also take it out on them like a few tried to do to me when Takamura lent me a hand? What if they also start being treated as American sympathizers or traitors when they welcome me back?

…I can't do that to them. I won't let my mistakes bring harm to my squadmates. Because I don't know if I can stop those feelings, those feelings he held during whatever it was I saw, that same hatred towards everything I had in the middle of Iceberg when left alone in the carnage against the unending BETA for who knows how long.

"I am grateful for your deference and kindness, Your Highness."

"Then, will you-"

"However, I believe it's for the best that I remain as a stranger here. I should shoulder the repercussions all on my own. Can't exactly push my burdens onto other people, after all." Maybe it really would be for the better to have Yuuko send me back ho-

"Utter no further balderdash!"

"E-Eh?"

"Outsider? You are nothing of the sort," she says, not decelerating nor cooling down at all. "Considering your father was once a vassal of my fellowship, there is no doubt you are a fellow Japanese. Shirogane, you're one of us and deserving of respect. Furthermore," slowing down, sounds like she's taking a deep breath, "whatever it was that caused this error was most assuredly not your fault. Was I clear enough?"

"Eh… A-Ah…" Head hurts, my fingers massage my ears but the light pain only grows.

Ugh… What is this? Eyelids start to twitch, a small dose of heat surging from my throat. The cold etches itself on my back, spreading forward.

"You said you wished to make me and Yuuhi smile, did you not?"

Kgh… Gasping, breathing with my mouth open, everything grows blurry, distorted for a second. Except for a face, a face that comes closer.

Is that… Meiya? No, the hair is different. But that sweet gaze looks just like hers. Familiar, for some reason. Feels like a good wind in summer, refreshing, calming, soothing.

…Smells like lavender, as if the wind were wrapping me all up in that perfume.

"So please rest assured, you are no burden, an I shan't send you away. To me you're someone important, Takeru."

Hiccuping, it's hard to breathe. Ears ring, a chime echoing and echoing. Quiet sunlight in my sight, despite me being underground. Warm lavender all over me, melting the cold.

"Of course. I'm truly elated to welcome Takeru as my brother."

…I could see it, for a second. Like a storm parting open in its eye, sunlight breaking through the cracks in the thunders. It all seeps in, the tender hold over his shoulder, how… large the embrace feels, how pleasant is the aroma of the perfume. It makes his heart leap, as all the ice thorns come off, as he embraces this older woman and gives her a kiss.

As he does the same to Yuuhi… declaring that he loves her after kissing her cheek as well.

And she replies back, returning the words, the embrace, the warmness all over him. The same warmness tickles my sides, heat finding my body as if I were taking in direct sunlight, relaxing like I would on a bathtub filled to the brim with pleasant water and some good salts too. Folded inwards like origami, a tight hold that she returns in kind.

"U-Ugh… Sniff… F-Fuck…" Fumbling about, dropping the comms, I find a tissue and clean my face.

Have to grab another, and another. Can't close my mouth, gotta keep gasping as my eyes just water. It ain't enough to release tears, but everything is blurry. Like a dart to the heart, but of the good kind. Like all the times my feelings were returned, when I spent time with my beloved. Feeling like walking on air, growing wings through the ice, cracking it all away to take flight. Heat surging in my gut, to face anything and everything that might come. Happiness, 'nuff said.

I see… That's why you were so hurt later.

So they actually protected little me? Yes, I think… Cough. Someone talked shit about him, and Yuuhi stood up for him. Or at least, the now distant echoes seem to indicate that. And then, that woman who looks like Meiya… welcomed him into their…

"…Family, huh."

So that's why he kept on fighting. That's why I can link with your memories so easily, because our feelings resonate, because we both miss those dear people we lost to time. I guess you and me truly are more similar than I thought.

"…Shirogane? Shirogane, are you there? Can you hear me?!"

Hm? Ah, right. I was… talking with Yuuhi. An older sister, huh. Maybe that's why they gave him a Minaru Kamui? As proof he was someone dear to Yuuhi? But… Is that still the case? Lifting the comms, a small whisper comes through. Hushed yet rushed words, before she calls out again. Who are you as of now? Are you trying to reach out like you did in this memory I just saw? Do you really care?

…It's completely stupid, to believe she's being serious. It's been two years, and after he became part of the Swordbreakers and fell to that anger. Then, why is there a small pain in my heart with every question she asks, calling for me as I keep staring at the comms?

Despite her faults, despite what she had to do, did you manage to understand and separate the duty from the person? Maybe… just like I do with Yuuko and the Vice Commander. Sigh, all that's left is for Yuuhi to also refuse to eat and sleep properly and we got bingo.

Still, now I'm sure of it. You kept fighting on because you wanted to protect… your sister, that precious friend, while still not agreeing with everything Her Highness had to do. I see, that explains the heartache I've been feeling whenever thinking about Yuuhi, and why I can't muster the same wholehearted dejection and anger towards her as I do when thinking on the IRG.

…

No, it's not like that, is it? Pursing my lips, hearing the voice that still calls out, this shiver on my sides, the palpitations that rise… You loved Yuuhi, didn't you? Just like me and Meiya, you and Yuuhi were close and dear to one another. And it looks like they… were living together, as we did since she moved in that October 22nd. Yeah, that's why he was so crushed. Yuuhi leaves him and then Shura's Dance happens. And despite that, running a hand from my neck to my chest, there's some disquiet in my breathing as the cold hands poke me a bit. You still loved her, even after that.

Rubbing my eyes and nose, I cough a bit, clearing my throat, hearing Yuuhi grow silent again. "…Forgive me, Yuu- Your Highness. I needed some time, my coughing got the better of me."

"Oh," stiff, her voice seems to halt then stutter. She then coughs yet again. "What would be the matter? Would you be feeling alright, Shirogane? Perhaps, would you prefer… to speak at another time?"

"No, it's alright. I merely had trouble breathing for a second, I haven't had anything to drink in a while so talking so much is… hard."

"Are you certain?" Yuuhi asks, slowly, holding her breath.

"Yes, thanks for worrying. I'm fine now, you may… ask away."

"Truly? I am not inconveniencing you?"

"No, I'm feeling fine, for real."

Sigh… I can't even be mad or doubt her anymore. Sure, she might have made some mistakes, but we all do. Even if all she wants is to cut her ties with 'Takeru' and prevent how a commoner was once her brother from bringing her setbacks in her current duties, there's no reason to hate her. So long as you don't want to bring me or Yuuko any problems…

"You may ask anything you desire, and I shall try to answer to the best of my abilities, Your Highness."

She sighs, heavily. "Thank you kindly, Shirogane," she says, oh, so sweetly. Yuuhi then seems to catch herself, coughing once more. "So then, would you truly not reconsider regaining your citizenship?"

Licking my lips, feeling a shiver down my back, the smell of lavender and those hands cloaking over me, I sigh as I scratch my head. Feeling my heart on the base of my neck, I look up. Let's roll that damn dice.

"If I wanted to, would you say it is feasible to do without bringing unwanted attention or setbacks to the Vice Commander?"

"…No, no such thing would come to pass. As I said, I am wishing to solve this matter swiftly and quietly. And if you so desire," she leaves the silence hanging for a second, "then I shall ensure no claims ever fall upon the XO," Yuuhi affirms, louder, and blazing a tiny bit.

"I see. Then, I guess I can consider it. What would you need to ask of me, Your Highness?"

"I will need to inquire about some personal matters of yours. Some may take us to… delicate subjects of your past. Would that be alright with you?"

"Yes, it's fine."

Seeming to inhale sharply, leaving silence again lingering for a second, Yuuhi then coughs softly. "Well then…"

She then proceeds to ask me if I remembered my parent's names and where was I living. Piecing parts of the dreams together, I told her what I recalled and she hummed as I talked. As well as all the fabricated report Yuuko crafted should contain, how I was found unconscious and gravely harmed and that the Empire refused to treat me. How UN personnel took it upon themselves to provide me with medical treatment when they found me. And how, since I couldn't find anyone related to me, I was given an offer to enlist in the UN Army in Alaska.

"-and I know Mom died due to some heart disease," even if she never was sick back home for whatever reason. "After that, I… think I spent some time in a neighbor's house while Dad was away." And I better shut up about Sumika, before I talk too much.

"Yes, that does align with what records we have left," Yuuhi says, now sounding a bit more, uh, normal, I guess. "Now then, I assume you not yet remember what was of you after your father's passing?"

"…No, I do not. And I believe it would be for the-"

"Yes, I was told of your opinion on the matter," she immediately counters, solemn and striking. "However, since I aim to not have you facing any claims, the sooner we confirm your memories align with our records, the sooner this issue will be solved. Do you not agree?"

…She's more overwhelming than Meiya, that's for sure.

"Well, I suppose. So, you… know of who took me in after my father passed away?"

"Perhaps. I would have to delve in certain archives beforehand, if you give me your agreement. Then, once you pay the Capital a visit, we can solve this regretful error in the data banks," she then stops, coughing. "Did the XO not mention anything else regarding this matter?"

"No, she hasn't."

"Hmm, is that so," and again, fire, so quiet yet burning. "Now then, there is something I would wish to ask of you."

"Yes?"

"Before your father's passing, you still were living in the Hiiragi district, as far as the leftover data in the profiles would indicate."

"Well, yes, I suppose that's right."

"However, your father continued to serve in the IRG until his passing," she says, waiting a second before continuing, maybe giving me time to react. "So that would mean someone had to tend to you while he was away, ever since your mother passed away."

"Yes, that… makes sense, yes." So that's your angle of attack now, huh. "But that is my problem, since no records were left you shouldn't worry about it, Your Highness. Thank you very much for your time and the kindness you have showed me." So let's try and have this end here, to see how she-

"Nonsense," she hurries, slashing my words in half faster and harder than Meiya did to me during combat practice in my first loops. And again, I can feel many small embers rise in her voice, as if she herself were about to blaze up. "There is no need for you to thank me, I am only acting on what is expected of me as your ruler. However, to learn of who safeguarded you during that time would be paramount to restore your profiles, wouldn't you agree?"

"Of course. But as I said before, I think I stayed with a neigh-"

"We checked the databases, regarding who your acquaintances could be in your neighborhood," fast counter, raising voice. "It would seem Kageyuki Shirogane had an amicable relationship with the neighbor next to your house, Haruna Kagami was her name I believe, yet there are no records that would indicate she ever took care of you, nor was she hired to look after you."

…It's like walking into a field of mines, except the mines have heat-seeking abilities. Like, what? Does she have a babel tower of papers like Yuuko does at the ready to throw folders and explanations at every turn I take? Yet, if she wanted to erase me, would she go to such lengths? No, focus. The issue at hand here is seeing how much I know of his life. While I… can't deny she might be worried, concerned, she is the Shogun. The chance that she could be considering taking me off the board if I know too much is there.

But if, and that's a big if, she still cares about… him, then she should react negatively if I press on that direction. If she snaps like Meiya sometimes does, she still sees him as family and I can grow to trust in her words. If she gets as cold as I hear her voice in my nightmares, then it'll be proof she means danger for me. Plus, maybe voicing my worries will let me chill out, maybe we could, I dunno, reach some understanding? And, if they were brother and sister, if they lived together just as me and Meiya did, then Yuuhi should know I get really stubborn when something gets in my head.

So, let's roll that dice and start asking the questions here.

"Excuse me, Your Highness, but such an arrangement must have left some papers behind, right? I mean, there has to be some sort of leftover data somewhere of a contract, of someone looking after me."

"Well, as you should have read in the papers," she starts, slow and composed, yet retaining some edge, "your father, Kageyuki Shirogane, was a member of the Royal Guard under my fellowship." She takes another brief moment of silence, before continuing. "Thus, part of his duties, schedules, reports and earnings are in charge of my own vassals. As such, after checking the databases, my subordinates found that not only does the house you lived in still remains to your name, as I believe you were aware of already, but part of your father's reports and expenses seem to indicate he had employed someone to properly tend to you while he was on duty."

"How can you be sure of that?"

"Well, it's a trivial thing, to be honest," she then softly sighs. "It would seem your father did constant transfers at the start of every month to another bank account, to the point that he requested the process to be automated when depositing his monthly wage to an accountant of my fellowship. This would indicate someone was indeed using said money to look after you, and after cross-referencing some data, we did not find none of your neighbors ever interacting with this account."

"…And if you knew this, then why-"

"Because you refused our aid," she says, acid, low, and a bit bothered. "Had you been willing to listen and accept our aid, this intel could have been given to you during the supposed meeting that was hosted yesterday. However, to reveal such intel would be dangerous, so General Daizaburou exercised caution. And yes," she raises her voice as my lips moved, slightly louder as if she had brought the comms closer, "he was already aware you were the son of a fellow, and was endowing caution in case this intel were to be used against you."

"I… see. So, you all were merely looking out for me?"

"Indeed, you are the son of a vassal. Which, let me remind you, makes you a fellow of ours. There is, however, something I must ask."

"Yes?"

She stops, taking in air, "Kageyuki Shirogane was a member of a squadron working under the express orders of my late Father, the Head that came before me," she tells, ice floating in her words now, slowed down to an almost halt. "So, since your father was a guard of the castle, the records seems to indicate you once moved closer to Osaka before your family managed to buy the house in the Hiiragi District. Do you remember anything of your life during those days? Of how your father being a member of the Royal Guard changed your family's life?"

…

"There is… one memory."

"Oh? What would it be about?" She asks, hurriedly as if she were a kid huddling closer in the middle of a story. "If you would wish to speak of the matter, of course," she adds a sec later, tone solemn again, back to her polite and proper mode.

"It was a day, when my mom wasn't home. And I had to pack, since we were leaving."

"I see. Is there anything… you believe is important then?"

"No, it was just… an every day look. Just me putting stuff in place with a friend of my dad." That's all I can clearly remember from his past. The rest, is just a similar feeling to what I had back home before we moved in to our house. I never could find good friends when I was little, since I was kind of a jerk and all. Until I met Sumika and the rest, and Pee Park became our stronghold of fun and games.

…That's why I reached out to Meiya when I saw her all alone. I know how much it sucks, to have no one to play with, to see others have fun at the distance. That's why I liked to mess around with Sumika so much, even if it devolved into us slapping the shit out of the other most of the time once we grew up. In that regard, I can totally get why he likes Yuuhi so much here in this world.

"…And aside from the day he first came in the black dress, when he seemed about to cry, I don't really remember anything else clearly, it's mostly just bits and pieces. To be honest, I think I was a bit too dense growing up, so if there were some issues with dad being in the IRG I probably didn't notice. Well, either that or I got upset and started kicking up a fuss, probably."

"Pfft…"

Hm? Is she… laughing? "Your Highness?"

"O-Oh… Ahem… My apologies, I merely, cough, I found the image amusing, is all," she slowly says, a sweet tint in the words, a light cheer in her tone. "So then," Yuuhi clears her throat, reinstating the composure of the Shogun, "you do not recall who was hired to look after you by your father?"

"No, I do not. However, if you know my neighbors didn't use the money, shouldn't you have papers that would say who used the account?"

I mean, joint bank accounts were illegal back home, and if my memory of my first loops is correct then they're also illegal in the Empire. That's why I had my own money, and why a few people made so much noise when Meiya married me back then since it was outrageous for them that she would give me, a commoner, a credit card to access her own account once I became Takeru Mitsurugi. I never asked for that, and I don't remember ever using the thing, but honey got a bit too insistent and worried in case anything happened so I took it in good faith. Like I would ever need the amount of money the Group could give me access to in the first place. Every time I even tried to buy Meiya a present, be it a painting, a set of clothes, or some Galaxy Wars collectibles, people just straight up bowed down and offered them without hesitation. I didn't even need to use anything other than the money I myself made, if my fuzzy recollections of my marriage with Meiya are accurate.

But, if someone was taking care of little me, and dad made a separate account he owned but someone else used, that means Maya-san should have been given a card to her name to take the money out. And those papers, the creation of the account and the request for the card, have to be somewhere, unless they burned them down to mere ashes.

The thing is, why is Yuuhi insisting on this trail? Trying to see if I am not lying? Trying to get me to remember? I mean, it would be real bad for them to openly disclose this intel, right? If anyone starts asking questions and pokes into my eventual files, they will find a link to Maya-san through the usage of this account. Or maybe they're really trying to protect me. I mean, I… would be Yuuhi's stepbrother in this world, I guess. But, considering the political landscape, what my mere existence could cause for her… keeping me erased might be in their best interests, or at least to ensure I don't remember anything that could compromise their standing. And if I ever do, it's off to the depths of Tokyo Bay.

Imagine the fustercluck that would be unleashed in this nationalistic Empire if it's shown in the media that a no-name peasant has such a close relation with the Shogun. G-Bombs? They ain't got nothin' on public outrage.

"…No, there isn't a clear record of this, sadly," she says, back to the cold tone. "It would seem this, too, was lost during the error your profiles suffered. You do not remember who was looking after you at the time?" Frozen silk, air blades slashing my ears.

"As I said, I don't. However, if you allow… I would like to ask something of you, Your Highness. May I?"

"But of course," she immediately says, bright and warm as daylight.

Alright, inhale deep. Time to step on the gas and try to lift this doubt that still lingers on me. Gulping once, I close my eyes as I speak, "Do you have any idea why the databases lost my data? It seems that, despite the digitalization, only my data was wiped from the servers. My parents still were in there, but they had no data of ever having a son, or of marrying each other. Now there's this matter of whoever took care of me being gone… almost as if I were a traitor or an exile."

You're not the only one who can put pressure on the board, Yuuhi. Let me see what your answer is.

"It is most shameful to see this happened under my rule, and I can do nothing short of apologizing for all the hardships this must have brought you," she quietly says, her politeness as forced as my manners.

"No, please, don't apologize. But, well, do you think I-"

"You were not a traitor, Shirogane," she again cuts me off, sending the blue pyres of flame at me. "Please remember that you were found harmed on a battlefield, you were not exiled."

"But then, why did the Empire refuse to treat me when I was found then?" Immediately asking, arching my brows as I look up, I then hold my breath at the silence.

I need to at least get a clear sign, I need to break through Yuuhi's facade without showing her my hand. Whether I continue to see these memories or not, whether she still thinks of me- him as a brother, whether I can count on her aid to regain my citizenship while not causing ripples that would mess with Yuuko or Yuuhi's own duties… I need to know what I'm getting into.

And you, my dear purple beauty, are the only one who can cast light to these matters. So, why don't you start honoring your name, Yuuhi? Come on, sis. Do me a solid and show me your cards already.

Sounds like she just exhaled from her nose, real hard, as she grumbles for a sec. "While I do not know why you weren't given the treatment you deserved as a fellow Japanese, if you were a criminal, much more data would be missing, and were you an exile, not even a basic profile would be left of you. No one can tamper the databases to such extent without leaving trails, cadet."

"And yet, my data is gone."

"That was only an error, as this Empire has always had a rather… precarious relation with machine and computers. Surely you would understand, that in uploading all of what was once done by hand some documents were bound to go missing, to be omitted," she affirms, trying to dull the formality, trying to go back to the pleasant and sweet voice. "I do not think a person deleted your data with ill intent, Shirogane. Please rest assured, you were not a traitor," and then, fire. "The only way for someone to do that would have been to hack the databases, and as your Shogun, I assure you our defenses are not so frail."

Alright, if this is how you wanna play it out, let's roll. All or nothing, one or twenty. Let's fire that bullet. At the very least, I need to clear something up.

"Yet, you cannot blame me for being doubtful, fearful of this state of affairs, Your Highness."

"There is nothing you should fear, cadet. This was only caused by an error, as I been reiterating plentiful times," she says, sounding sour and scolding.

"But there are no clear records of my life after I was ten, right? And even before that, there's no threads that could even hint at someone looking after me."

"Yes, that… is the case." She relents, after a little while.

"And, you are certain I was not a criminal or a traitor?"

"No, you weren't."

"And, as you said before, my house still is under my father's name, right? It wasn't sold or rented at any point in time, if what papers XO Kouzuki could procure are to be believed."

"Yes, that is correct, Shirogane. Your house is still yours, and there are no oddities in its papers."

"And yet, I'm registered as Takeru Shirogane in the databases?"

"…Yes, your leftover data says as much. Where are you going with these questions?" Raising her voice, sharpening her voice, a banner in warning fluttering in the distance.

"Where am I going, indeed," I say, chuckling a bit, then coughing dryly. Yuuhi groans on the other side for a second, yet remains cool and waits for me to speak. "Your Highness, don't you notice something odd in the facts we've laid out?"

"Something odd? I do not see what you speak of."

"I was ten years old when my Dad died. I should have been sent to an orphanage, since whoever was taking care of me at the time might not have met the requirements needed to adopt a children." That was what both Maya-san and Uncle Koetsu said in that dream I saw. "In that case, the question goes to whether or not I was adopted, right?" But if someone had adopted me, my surname would have changed. But it didn't, so that must mean nobody wanted me."

"And…" almost stuttering, she drew in a sharp breath, "how can you ascertain such a thing, Shirogane?"

"It's simple, when you think about it. If the data being erased was nothing but a mistake, why were the profiles of my parents were also tampered? Why is there no data of where I studied at? Or about whoever took care of me? Don't you think this is odd? If only my profile lacked data, it would be one thing. However, if… whoever took me in wound up regretting that at one point…"

"You shall be stripped off the honor of carrying my House's emblem on your person henceforth."

"…Then, maybe, they took the chance to send me away when I suffered an accident. So they erased all of my data to-"

"Shirogane, there is no feasible way in which such a scenario came to pass," she affirms, the fire roaring alive in her every word, harsh and sudden like a storm in open sea. "I was the Shogun when this mistake happened. And I am telling you, such a thing cannot be. So, for you to make such a claim… means you are accusing me."

"But you did no such thing, isn't that right, Your Highness?" I say, smiling at the rising lava of her tone.

"Wh- B-But of course, I did no such thing," she says, quite fast and firm. Heh, got her off guard. "Where are you going with these questions, Shirogane?"

I inhale deeply, and eyes closed and leaning on the pillow, feeling my heart clanging, I speak slowly. "Your Highness, if nobody adopted me, I would have been recruited into the IJA during the mass recruitment during the '98, being an orphan that was left with no choice but to keep living in the orphanage until I became an adult. I would have been one of the first to be forced to enlist, and if that was the case, there would have been records of my service in the IJA. Military records cannot be so easily hacked, and there would have been papers and documents left of my enlistment. But there are none that could be found, and those documents are not the responsibility of the Shogunate. While the supervision of Imperial troops does fall to the government at large, the basic papers of my enlistment and training should be somewhere."

"…Then, perhaps you were adopted by someone. Then, it is obvious why no such papers can be found. Because they never existed in the first place, since you never had to be taken to an orphanage."

"So, if that's the case, why is there so much intel missing from my profiles?"

"Perhaps, the data that linked you to your… new family was also erased during this error," the fire doused, she whispers. "I can only apologize for what my mistake is forcing upon your shoulders."

"No, that's-"

"However, if you manage to recall something, anything at all, then perhaps you could try and find whoever was that adopted you. If you'd welcome the proposition, perhaps my vassals could aid you in this quest?"

"…So, it's up to whether or not I recall anything?"

"Well, it would be easier if you could visit the Capital, as I mentioned before. Then, we can ensure such a mistake does not repeat itself," she says, suddenly shining as polished steel, back to the imposing, solemn voice she endowed during the coup.

…The same voice of the nightmare, the voice of the Shogun.

"No… This was enough."

"Eh? What are you-"

"Thank you for your time, Your Highness. I truly am thankful for your honesty, and for extending some kindness to this cadet."

"Ah, yes. As I said, it is only just I do so, for I am your ruler. Do you still feel well for us to platicate?"

"Yes… if you want to."

"Truly? I can tell your voice seems distressed, ever since we began speaking of whoever looked after you. Perhaps, are some memories troubling you? If you'd welcome the notion, I could lend you my ear as an apology of sorts for letting your data be deleted under my rule," she says, bright and sweet once more, despite it sounding more like an assertion than a suggestion.

Yuuhi isn't even letting me see a crack in her speech. In a way, this reminds me of my talk with my world's Meiya after all that mess. At first she was like this, not letting emotion show up on her complexion until I told her of what happened at the salon. But, can I… No, should I even mention anything to Yuuhi? I mean, she could take it the wrong way. And I still don't know if I can, or want, to request her help and accept going to Tokyo.

"Shirogane? What is troubling you?" She asks upon my silence, voice fading.

"No… It's nothing, Your Highness."

"Do not lie. I can clearly hear how afflicted you are," quick to counter, she then sighs. "There is no reason for you to hold back, if you so wish I can listen to your woes. Much has been piling on your shoulders, and it is understandable you'd be distraught at what we're discussing. After all, these two years you were away must have been very hard for you, I'm sure," she says, molten back into the Shogun's composure. "As equally trying they must have been for anyone who knew you."

Ouch, way to drive a knife into me. She's conflicted like I am. It's as if both of us were walking on a floor littered with spikes, trying to get on top of the other without screwing things up. Or she could be trying to deceive me, Her Highness has no need for someone like me besides her. However, if he was to her what I was for Meiya, then Yuuhi probably couldn't be 'Yuuhi' with anyone other than him. All she has been for a long time is the Shogun. Yeah, makes sense. No way she'll slip up in front of me, what little emotion she has shown should be proof enough this is hard as hell for her.

I mean, if Yuuhi spent two years away from the one person she could trust in, someone who was a brother to her, while having to face all that happened with the fallout of Lucifer with the G-Bombs… and then I suddenly appear out of-

Wait a second. Two years? That's… just like my Meiya. Just like back in my world. Yuuhi and 'Takeru'… were away from each other for two years before meeting again.

N-Nah, must be just a coincidence.

"Shirogane, are you still there?"

"Ah, yes. I was thinking, Your Highness."

"So, would you allow me to be your listener? If only for a brief moment?" She says, almost pleading.

…Yeah, just like back in my world. If anyone were listening in, they wouldn't think it's the Shogun of an Empire talking with a nobody.

"Well, thanks for offering. May I really impose on you, Your Highness? You must be very busy, after all."

"It is no imposition, for I am offering myself to you. My aid, I mean," she corrects herself, almost stuttering.

…How cute, didn't think I'd ever hear Her Highness be so… human, I guess.

"Then," licking my lips, I sigh as start drawing circles on the sheet, rubbing my feet together, "allow me to accept your kindness." I cough, she gives a hum to indicate she's listening, so I lick my teeth once over. "It might sound weird, but I have been having some very vivid nightmares lately. I don't really remember what I dream about that well," necessary bullshit is yada yada yada, "but it always leaves me feeling awful. Forgive the expression, but it makes me want to puke my insides out. It's… a hollow, crushing feeling that envelops me."

"Is that so? Do you believe this to be tied to your past?"

"…Yes. The nightmares do worsen at times, when… I think of my family."

Yuuhi exhales, slow like a leaf after a gust, softly humming to my words. I wonder what she thinks of this. Well, there isn't much else I can do now. I just gotta wrap this talk up and-

"Shirogane, might I ask you something?" She got all serious now.

"Of course Your Highness, what is it?"

"Have you ever felt as if… as if you had cold hands all over you?"

…Wait, what?

"Excuse me?"

"Huh? Did I stutter? I asked you if you ever felt as if cold hands were all over you. Have you ever felt a sensation like that?" Yuuhi repeats the words, in the usual serious and simple tone, sending me into a downwards spiral of confusion.

Why is she asking me that? How… How…

"How do you know that? Why do you know that?"

"Eh? Ahem… I didn't knew of it, I was-"

"Why did you ask me that question, Your Highness?" I lean forward and furrow my brows at no one, my hand holding the comms shaking a bit.

What is this shit? Why is she asking me that? The cold hands… How could she know of them?

"You see, someone… close to me once described his pain in such a way," she sharpens her inner blade, returning to a frozen silk tone, making me twitch and grip my sheets. "Going by your reaction, I think you have experienced something similar at the very least."

How could she- There's no way she should- Why would she even- No, calm down. Breath in, hold it, count to ten, let the air go. Pheeew… Remember, me and him are somewhat similar. He might have used a similar term to describe his pain, that's all there is to this.

No, wait. The way she said it, someone close to her, and how she specifically mentioned regarding my nightmares… Did this world's Takeru feel something similar to that? Cold hands all over him when suffering from something, from… foggy memories?

…Just like me back in my world?

Chill out, it's just a similar way of speech. We are similar in that regard, we use similar term to refer to stuff. That's all, that's all. Calm down, you can't screw up in front of Yuuhi.

"Yes, I have felt like something of the sort at times."

"Is that so," a faint, sharp whisper. "I believe you are subject to very high stress levels. I advise you not to ruminate with such oppression over these matters, Shirogane. You are a fellow and, would you welcome my aid, you'll regain your citizenship in but a few weeks."

"That might be, however-"

"You have already suffered enough for this unfortunate situation. Do you happen to possess motives not to wish to reclaim your identity, perhaps?"

"No, I'm merely being cauti-"

"I understand you could be fearful, but I assure you of this. You shall be in no danger, Shirogane. After all, as I said before, I wish to mend the data banks posthaste, and as the one who alerted me of the state of the system, you are deserving of my gratitude."

"T-Thank you, Your Highness. However-"

"And also," she stops her stride for a second, inhaling sharply, "I have a debt to repay to you."

"What do you speak of?"

"Certainly you know what I am talking about. You safeguarded… Mitsurugi during the CCSE, and you have been shouldering the blame for that incident all on your own," she says, quick and piercing like a gunshot. "It is truly worth much praise, the poise you display despite all the setbacks you face, Shirogane."

"Ah, no, it's not really that big of a deal… I'm just taking responsibility for my own actions."

"And still, you safeguarded your squadmates most valiantly. And let us not forget, it was mine own folly what caused your data to be missing for so long. Thus, is it truly such an impossible request, for you to accept my feelings with open arms?"

A sudden, brief yet strong, shock runs through my arms, slight pain in the back of my head. "H-Huh? E-Excuse me, Your Highness, what did-"

"As I've been saying, I would be wishing to aid you solve the issues that plague your identity, Shirogane. Would you take my hand and accept my offer?"

It courses through it all, down to my nape, lunging for my heart as I can feel it bash itself against my chest. "Ah… Ah… I, uh, I guess?"

"Was that a question or an answer?"

"I mean…" Shit, I can feel my face is on literal fire. She's so, so much more forward than Meiya. And she's already quite frontal herself. Sigh… Calm down, deep breaths. "Will I really be safe if I go to-"

"I shan't allow anyone to bring harm to you," she says, a hail of light and fire blasting me wide open. "As your Shogun and Regent, believe me when I say you shall be safe. Please, would you allow me to help you?"

Heartbeats clang, clang and blast against my neck. Knees quiver, ankles feel a jolt coming through them and my legs.

"It is only fair, after all," she insists, much impulse in her charge, as if it were my aerial acrobatics. "You were denied proper treatment when you were at Death's door, it is but a small show of appreciation for the fortitude you've displayed thus far despite what has come your way."

"I… I guess, but… I'm not- I mean…"

"You've suffered enough on your own, Shirogane. These two years must have been arduous for you, to survive all on your own without memory of your life. Even if it won't be the same as before," losing ardor, her voice lowers to a whisper, "perhaps there are people awaiting news of you. Ever since that accident that took your memories, ever since that August 5th you have been fending for yourself. And I believe it is time for you to receive the helping hand your nation denied you when-"

"…What?"

Static, sudden static on my ears. Emptiness in my stomach, as if someone had given me a sucker punch and I was out of air.

"Huh? I am saying, it is only fair for you to receive our aid, the aid we denied you when we… left you to die, refusing to tend to your wounds."

"Your Highness… you said August fifth a moment ago, didn't you?"

"Hm? Yes, whatever is the matter?

Hands begin to shake, wires cutting off and making me lose balance. Creeping through the back of my head, that coldness once more surrounds, my breathing becoming bound and causing me to cough.

Why that date?

"Shirogane? Whatever is the matter?"

"No, I just… Why August 5th, Your Highness?"

"Huh? Why, you ask? It was the day Operation Lucifer happened, when you were found- Ah!" She suddenly stops, small groans, or squeals, or whimpers leave her mouth, as if she couldn't close it. Yuuhi tries to speak, but can't. She stutters, halts a word in the middle of the syllables, as if her throat was also being constricted shut.

Did Lucifer happen on that day? And the Yokohama Hive was taken out by the G-Bombs deployed that day, then. But that would mean, if we follow what Yuuko has told me, all we know of him…

This world's me died on the same day I recovered my memories back home?

Well, not the same day, since it's four years in the past compared to when I came back to myself during the tournament in my world, but for it to be exactly the same date… It has to be a coincidence. Yeah… It has to be.

I gulp but I can see how my sight is starting to tremble as the static noise returns to my ears, as everything seems to go double.

"Shirogane? What is the matter?"

No, no, wait a fucking second.

The day he died was the day… the conduit would have formed in this world. When the G-Bombs dropped, the exploding energy caused a reaction with the Reactor, that Sumika was connected to. Her strong desire to see me again allowed her to somehow 'see' in between the rift between space-time that was formed when the G-Bombs dropped and that created the original conductor, the link between our worlds, which eventually made 'me' appear.

That's what Kasumi said at the end of Kashgar. In exchange for a large amount of G-Elements, my body and mind were slowly brought into this world. I became a physical manifestation of the pipeline uniting both worlds.

…So he died on that day, in that specific place. He died where I was 'born' into this world.

Is that merely a coincidence?

…Can I say it's a coincidence when causality has been screwing me up ever since the loops started?

In a way, one could say my 'old' self died when I recalled these memories of my loops. There was one Takeru that entered the arcade machine and another entirely different being came out of it. If I had never seen the BETA, I might have never recovered my memories or physical state. So in a way, the 'Original' Takeru completely fused with the data of the 'Alternative' Takeru at that point, and since my body was the same since I didn't die at the end of the loop I remembered everything and returned to be how I was back then, with the changes that had happened in those two years. And this world's Takeru died when… the conductor began to flow into this world. His existence was… at the place where the conduit formed.

Color drained from my view as Sensei's words come back to me. I felt as if I had just taken a dive in the sea, as if I were looking into a kaleidoscope full of shifting images of exploding shapes and contracting depth.

…He died at the exact place the highway connecting worlds opened up.

I can tell my mouth is hanging wide open, as my jaw clenches and tenses up as if I were crushing ice cubes with my teeth. My hands shake, everything blurs in front of me, I put a hand on the armrest of the bed to not fall to the floor.

No, no, no, no… Remember what Sensei said. Even if the conductor can bring data, it can't link itself to other versions of himself. Right, right. So this is… just… a coincidence…

"Shirogane! Are you alright? Are you feeling dizzy?" I have not the strength to answer Yuuhi's question.

Bringing both hands to the back of my head, as if shielding me from an impact, it does nothing to halt the hammer of cold that clangs, and bangs, and slams, and hurts, and hurts so much. My fingers claw at my scalp, the root of my hairs as one eye waters and twitches.

"What are you saying? The conductor cannot link itself to other versions of himself. It can replace them I guess, but since it can never receive data from the world it's currently in, there's no way for you to fain any kind of memory from other Shiroganes that existed in that same world, unless you managed to merge yourself with an alive parallel version of yourself. And you definitely cannot have received the data from a parallel version of yourself, you could only receive the memories of parallel worlds you yourself have lived through."

"Ugh… No, it can't be… It has to be a lie…"

"Shirogane! T-Takeru, please, talk to me!"

Yuuko, my world's Yuuko, had told me about it before all this shit began. I can only see clear memories of other versions of myself that are lives I myself lived at some point. It's not a parallel version of me, it's a road I took on another branch that I forgot due to the loops and the trauma of death blocking my memories. And that as the Nucleus I can only share memories 'unconsciously'. So, at most, I'd inherit a fear or a sudden trauma like I had back in my first loop, fainting to the threat of BETA despite not being a native to this world or having ever seen one of the fuckers at that point.

But that means… since I've been seeing his memories, vividly, that-

"No, wait a fucking second…"

I haven't been 'seeing' the memories. Yuuko… Yuuko calls them 'recovery' sessions, doesn't she? And Kasumi is 'bringing them to the surface'.

…

"Ahaha…"

"Takeru?"

"Ahahaha… Are you fucking kidding me? Haha… hahaha…"

You're telling me I'm actually him?

Clutching my face, gasping for air, I close my eyes. And think, on what we spoke of. At all I know. Yuuko did… seem a bit worried when I told her I had regained some memories when I came back from the CCSE, and at first she was very much against me focusing on them. Now that I think about it, she hasn't referred to the affairs of this world's me as 'his' but… has always been saying 'you' when doing so. Many times she said it, 'you're the only Shirogane in this world'.

But that can't be… How the fuck could I be him?! The leaks… The leaks can't change the past! It's all just a coincidence, we're just similar in some regards… and that's it…

…But, Yuuko, the one from my world, did say the transfer of my data would take time. So the highway would remain active. Even now, my world must still be in some sort of space-time position that has it sharing more data with other parallel worlds. So…

I sit down, holding my head as everything came back with the fierceness of a tsunami. All the little details I was ignoring, all the stuff I thought was weird, for some reason, comes rushing out of the back of my head and into my mind's eye. I feel like the cold shower decided to pay me a visit, just that my whole body is on vibrator mode, shaking under the torrent of freezing water. Because, when you line thing up…

He promised to share his birthday with the one who was the 'heir' of the family. Like in my world.

It's been two years since 'we' saw each other. Like in my world.

We lived together. Like in my world.

He was made to join the high echelons of society. Like when I chose Meiya in my world.

He became family to Yuuhi. Like I was when marrying Meiya in my world.

Going by what I saw of his skill on the memory of the Swordbreakers, he knew the Unending Waterfall style. Like I did in my world.

So that would mean Maya-san was his teacher. Like in my world.

And all points to him being given a Minaru Kamui. Like in my world.

No, no, think, Takeru, think! This is all just a list of coincidences! Just another difference to the… to the…

The list of differences, the list of things that are different from this world to the other BETA worlds I looped in.

Tama has an archery dojo. Like in my world.

Chizuru's mom's shaped her life. Like in my world.

Mikoto is a super fan of technological stuff and mechas. Like in my world.

Tsukuyomi-san seemed to have a thing for young boys, going by a few memories I saw of little me. Like in my world.

Kei knows how to make yakisoba sandwiches. Like in my world, despite she not knowing how to do so in any of my previous loops until I taught her.

But this is… This can't be. But then that means… that means… No, it's impossible! The past cannot be changed! And I… And nobody… Back then, nobody forgot about me! When I was in my world, no one forgot about my existence! Or, was that because I'm a stronger Nucleus? Right, this isn't one of my usual loops. If I were to vanish, for even a second, then people would start forgetting about me, starting from the most simple things until there's nothing left.

…

"Wait… nothing left?" No… This has to be a joke.

Because if it isn't…

According to Sumika's story, the Takeru that's native to the BETA timelines dies protecting her from the BETA. But I already know that's not the case this time around, because he keeps on fighting until Lucifer. He doesn't get captured by the BETA.

One could say… he takes an alternative road, disrupting the flow of events. And in that road, he joins the Swordbreakers, which seem to be a top secret unit from the IRG. Almost like… a special task force, one could say.

Like… Like I did last loop, when I joined the Valkyries and changed history.

And then, once everything was over, I disappeared and eventually everybody must have forgotten about me. Maybe Yuuko deleted all of my records in that world to not have to deal with a dead man being in the mission log once Akane and the other survivors forgot I existed.

"Hahaha… It's… the same…" the same that happened to his profiles.

"Takeru! Takeru, pick up the communicator!" Yuuhi begs, the comms lay on the floor, out of sight.

She still remembers. So, that means this world's me didn't 'die' or 'disappear'. If he had been nuked out of the world by the G-Bombs, then I would have absorbed part of him. Had he been another entity altogether, then I wouldn't be able to remember his memories with such clarity. But since I do, that means… a-at the very least he was a strong a Nucleus as me, but no one forgot him in these two years. Because… once the highway opened up, the integration was complete?

…

No, there's something I'm forgetting.

Everybody can be a Causality Nucleus, Yuuko just came up with that term to explain my enhanced ability to sense causality and hold onto my data after all the fuck ups of my loops, after being exposed to G-Elements and the flow of data for who knows how long. So, if my life is being mirrored… when the transfer started… Where did I end up on? And, why would this world mirror mine so much?

Because, on this side of the highway… there was nothing as heavy as my memories for two whole years. While my world had two years of grace while my data tried to flow into me, there was nothing protecting the other side of the highway from sending data from my world to the rest of the multiverse. Scattered, it might have had no place to go to, no receptor to flow towards. But the second I put myself back on causality's rail during the transfer…

No, hold your fucking horses! Why data related to me? No, this stuff isn't even related to me! Why does Tama have a dojo here?! Why does Chizuru's mom suddenly have such an important role in her life?! Why did Yuuhi became close to him, when we never had anything between us in the other worlds?!

"Haa… Haa…" Biting my lips, I taste blood. My sight comes back to normal as a shiver runs on my back, and I keep on gasping for air.

If everything is mirrored, if this is causality trying to balance some leftover data then…

I made a promise with Meiya because she was sad because she had to become the heir of the Mitsurugi Group. And, due to that connection, I received a Minaru Kamui and I got trained by Maya-san. But it was thanks to her deal with Raiden-san that she was allowed to come live with me in the first place, and he was the one who sent the blade to me in the first place. He was also who gave me the final blessing to properly become Takeru Mitsurugi.

In this world, the position of 'heir' is occupied by Yuuhi. So, if a balance has to occur, I'm placed near the heir and everything else follows behind? But why didn't she die? If the data came here… She should have died, to have him make the promise with Meiya! Or is it because I never met Yuuhi, then I couldn't bring her death data here? And anyways, as Yuuko said, the leaks only happen due to an emotional connection we feel. So, Yuuhi felt something similar to what Meiya felt for me in my world despite never having met me, not being affected by causality?

…Then, if his life… if he truly is me, and causality follows me around trying to balance everything, trying to integrate everything into a single timeline…

Why did he became so enraged?

Why did Yuuhi leave him alone?

Does that mean that… Meiya left me… in another…

"Ugh!" Pain, in my chest, in my heart. Shrinking, I bend over while clawing at my chest. My lips part wide open, but I can't bring any air into my lungs.

"Takeru! Takeru, please calm down!" Someone says nearby, I can't hear it well enough.

"I know not who you speak of. Lower your armaments, otherwise I shall be forced to subdue you in the Empire's name," a cold voice says through static, a darkened shadow with eyes of red seeming to stand in the distance.

Calm down… It's all just a mistake, I'm being stupid again. The leaks can't change the past. And I'm nothing like him, I can't be him, there's no fucking way.

…But Shura's Dance was just like Iceberg, right?

No, no, keep it together! How the fuck would- Why would this- I am not him! I… I never had that many clashes with the IRG, I don't hate them as he did. Yeah, I… Ugh…

Crumbled buildings, sinking in a sea of gunpowder. Where once there was a bustling center of a city, now lays a crater filled to the rim with gore and wreckage. A calm voice from far away, a voice ordering everyone to retreat.

One blink, it becomes a port. A port ravished by battle, by battle of TSFs against protesters. And the same calm voice reassures, that it was a fucking mercy kill.

Another blink, a damaged hospital comes to view.

And the corpses, of Uncle, of his wife.

…of his children.

I… I… He lost everything… as I did during Iceberg. But… But I never had to go through his missions, I wasn't some hateful man-hunter in any of my loops. I never had to face losing a little child to the war. I never… I never even…

"I was always… waiting…"

"Huh?"

Weight, on my arms. Too thin, to soft. Like sand, slowly slipping out of grasp.

A strong gaze of dark purple, arms folded and imposing in its compact posture. "Your actions precede you, Shirogane. And whether you favor this or not, you have become a dark armed dragon just as I now that you've tamed the Kusanagi, something no pilot could accomplish. Our views matter little, such is the reality we face. And the war we must wage is not always an honorable one."

Looking down, around, everything looks dim, dark. Narrow and foggy. But in my arms, there's… someone. Looking up at me, lips shaking when trying to smile. And a hand, a hand with all of its fingers extended in prayer, raising to my face.

A small look of cerulean, a very petite and slim figure, an even smaller voice which quivered in place. "Thank you very much, for caring after me. Not all of us are, well, treated as fairly by you Naturals. Um, I know I… may not be very useful a unit, but whatever meager service my ESP can offer, it is at your disposal, Shirogane, sir. Just… please do not medicate me, this unit shall make an effort to remain useful and active for as long as it's able with minimal maintenance required. Eh? Don't sweat it and chill out? What does that mean, sir?"

That hand, that small hand reaches my cheek. The fingertips hold onto it as if it were some old relic or something, despite how it quivers, how the hold seems to be about to break apart. And yet, a single teardrop leaves one of those eyes, those light brown eyes that keep their sights locked onto mine.

A small nod, from a dead serious expression, a gray hand raising in salutation. "Allow me to thank you, for shielding me before in front of the Captain despite my prior… allegiance. I know we have had some friction since we met, but I shall repay these favors one day. And don't worry, I've got your back. You need anyone gone, my rifle and lenses are at your disposal. I'll be leaving the Captain to you, however."

And yet, as I raise my own hand to clasp that frail one clutching my cheek, I find nothing. I find my own cheek, the hand is gone.

"I was always… waiting… for you…"

It falls to the ground, dangling loosely in my hold. The eyes that returned my gaze, unfocused. The head, also dangling, falling backwards. The weight, the frail weight which was on my arms suddenly falls completely on me. Lips which were trying to force a smile, which were sealed a moment ago now are relaxed, barely open.

Cold.

Silent.

Stiff.

…Dead?

Bringing it closer, trying to embrace it, I find my sides as I fall onto the sheets. Running my hands, I only find my own body in the bed. There's nothing here.

Why? Why does this hurt… so much? I couldn't, we couldn't… talk, spend time? Why?

Vanishing from my hands, slipping from my grasp, fading away.

All I did… all the effort… I never even knew you…

No! Don't close your eyes!

I won't accept this!

This ain't over yet!

I can save you! There's still time!

"Guh. Grah…" Yet, no matter how much I claw and twist my arms, I can't move. Stand up… Break all these things that keep me tied, I gotta hurry!

"Yashiro, are you sure he- Shirogane? H-Hey! Calm down, don't throw the IV, you're still weak!"

"No! She ain't dying tonight!"

"Shirogane, calm- Fuck! Why now of all times?!"

I try to raise, despite my legs not responding, thrashing against what doesn't let me stand up. Something binds my arms, a tall shadow towers over me.

"Cadet Shirogane, please come to your senses!"

"Shut the fuck up! Ugh… Let me go!"

Whack!

Bam!

"Ugh! From where do you summon such strength? XO, hurry with the sedatives!"

"Get out of my way!" I can still feel her heartbeats! She's still alive!

"Homura, quick!" Another set of hands, another hold twists and bend my arm.

I can't fail here! You all can shove your salvation and enlightenment up your asses! I'm burning your garden of EDEN to cinders, you'll fall to Nidhogg's fangs! Move, Kusanagi! Take off, dammit!

I thrash and thrash, screaming and bending my fingers, yet I can't break free from whatever is holding me down. It's fading, I can't… I can't hear it anymore, the sound of her heartbeats.

I ain't failing… not after finally… getting to see her! We're not falling down, not while I'm here! Even if pure darkness is in the horizon, I will brave through it. I'll endure any hardship, if it's to give you the happiness you deserve. Because if your future is crying, it's up to me to make it smile!

"T-Takeru-san, please calm down!"

"Yashiro, don't get close!"

"No, he's hurting! Takeru-san, look at me!"

A small, tingly feeling on the back of my head. Huh… That face… But, you shouldn't-

Ugh! A sudden pain, in my neck. My throat closes up, I can't breath well. Suddenly losing impulse, everything starts to become blurry, distant, dark.

"Just what on the Heavens happened here? Kouzuki, did you inject-"

"I did nothing! I told Her Highness to-"

"Takeru-san?" The small voice, the voice that shouldn't be here whispers.

Something soft caresses my face, yet I can't see well what it is. The loud sounds keep on echoing, the more they do the more my ears hurt. That same small kindness grabs my face, lets me down on something soft, covers me with more softness. And again, as I groan against the numbness, that small thing ruffles my hair, a small tingly feeling calming down the pulse on the back of my head.

Can't feel my fingers or my legs, everything's slowly… just fading…

Hm?

In the distance, a small spark. A spark of blue, or cerulean. As if tracing the horizon, not daring to get closer. A small star in the night sky.

The more I look at it, the more it seems to get closer. The more I focus on it, the more it feels like it runs away. And as if swayed by waves, everything fades to black as something keeps on caressing my hair, or my face. All except that little light, which gets closer and runs away, which I follow after, as other lights swirl in my vision, as it feels as if I were floating.

Maybe… for just a little while… I can take a break…

…and follow this light, wherever it takes me.

---

"As I wonder if I made the right call just now,

all that's in front of me are things I do not want to see,

but end up doing so anyway

Sometimes, I think that it'd be better to just straight up gouge my eyes out…

Just like how I used to think I didn't have a single person I could trust in

A billion gazes are locked onto me,

too complex numbers I cannot hope to decode

As I traverse this interconnected world all by my lonesome, I try to wriggle and run from it all

However…

My limbs flail and fight, thrashing about to wake up from this nightmare,

but all I manage is to fall even deeper

…And all the while, the devil itself keeps simply smiling my way

Screaming beyond the glass, where is my real self wandering to?

My fake smile twist and breaks

as my tears drizzle the screen, melting it apart

My swirling heart is just like a downwards spiral, that can only gather sadness and tragedy deep within

So take me somewhere far away,

to some distant world and then

Please embrace me, and just let me believe…"

Satirize, by Kotoko. Rasen Kairou 2, by Age.