When, in the course of sibling rivalries, it becomes necessary for one to dissolve the genetical bonds which have connected her with another, and to assume among the independence of sisters, the separate and equal rights in which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of each other that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all girls are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are rights to peace, sisterly freedom, and the pursuit of sanity. That to secure these rights, families are instituted by God to support each other, not to drive each other insane. That whenever either of the sisters (in this case, my sister) becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of both to alter or to abolish their bonds in sisterhood, and to institute a new understanding of their sisterhood, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its relationship which shall seem most likely to effect their safety, sanity, and satisfaction with their relationship. But when a long train of abuse of the code of sisterhood, pursuing invariably the same reasons, evinces a design to reduce them, it is their right, their duty, to throw off such restraints that keep the sisters from happiness, and to provide new rules for their future bond. — Such has been the patient sufferance of myself; and such is now the necessity which constrains me to alter Amanda's and my former system of sisterly companionship. The history of our present relationship is a history of repeated injuries of pride, yelling, and stealing, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute despodancy among us both. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
She has refused my wish to have no one come storming into my room without at least a polite knock
She has forbidden me to call time to myself on the computer, even if it is for homework.
She has refused to participate in the loathed job of the removal of our dog's excrement from our prized backyard, unless her only burden is to hold the bag.
She has always made noise, whether it is talking or singing or just making any uncanny noise at all for no reason whatsoever, except to agitate myself and others. She does this so often, it seems, that even when we beg her to cease, she makes such noises anyway, without realizing it. The only time Amanda doesn't seem to stop is when she is asleep, and even then she sometimes isn't muted.
In every stage of these oppressions I have petitioned to my parents for redress of grievances in the most humble terms: yet my repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated shaking of the head, silence, and sometimes just the clichéd, "you'll get over it, she's only doing it to annoy you." (Well, duh, that's why I'm asking you to demand her termination of such teasing!) A sister like such, is unfit to be the sister of myself, for all we do we clash on and disagree on.
I have warned her from time to time of her attempts to relentlessly annoy me, in case she is unaware of her almost criminal actions. I have reminded her of the circumstances of our sisterhood. I am past acquiesce and have decided that it is imperative that I make my emotions toward her misuse of the fragile ties of sisterhood that bond us known.
I therefore solemnly publish and declare my freedom of my aforementioned sister and the bonds that unite us, and politely, rationally, and firmly suggest that she move to a different school, state, house, or maybe become a foreign exchange student and relocate to a remote city in Africa or Europe, for although she may occasionally drive me insane, I wish the best of her well-being and desire for her to become cultured. And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge our sisterhood and honor, as soon as she comes back from Africa.
Author's note: None of this is really true. My sister isn't any of these things, believe me.
Well, sometimes. But it's not that dramatic as I portrayed it to be.