5th Arc: Black Moon Lilith
Chapter 74:
Mind's Off Matter
December 3rd. Almost 4 PM.
(Outside the Infirmary.)
[Yuuko]
"I did nothing of the sort, Vice Commander," Her Highness says, unrelenting in the welling animosity she hoists. "We were platicating amicably, until suddenly Shirogane began to whisper to himself, to speak through his teeth, under his breath, before suffering another nervous outbreak. Perhaps, due to some sort of medication given to him beforehand?"
"Your Highness, I will have to remind you no such thing was done to him. You yourself requested to speak with him in such a hasty manner, there was nothing odd conditioning Shirogane towards yet another nervous breakdown," I sigh, short yet heavy, shaking my head at the obnoxious intensity she refuses to douse. "On the contrary, it is because you ignored my warning and decided to speak with him of his past that this turn of events occurred."
"No, that is not the case," she affirms, not altering her clashing tone. "While we spoke of his past, Shirogane remained most composed. Fearful at times, concerned by what could have been of him, yet never did he lose his poise and manners. It is almost as if… you harbored motives to prevent Shirogane from reconnecting with his past."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Your Highness. Please, let us not fall to animosity."
She briefly scoffs, inhaling sharply afterwards. "Then, why have you not told him of how was he recovered in detail? Why have you refused to inform him of what 1st Lt Tsukuyomi and General Daizaburou disclosed to you moments before?"
Lunging straight ahead, almost like he would during a fight. The usually pleasant and docile visage of a clear sky that Her Highness resembles has been completely covered by clouds, an unending arrow rain coming down harshly.
I suppose, my hunch was correct. Perhaps, more correct than I thought. To ignite such a reaction from her, to not have her revert to a polite approach as we speak, maybe he is far more dear to Her Purpleness than I had anticipated. Her not being in his home world made me think that the parallel couldn't be this strong. But what if, somehow… just as Mitsurugi was his lover in other timelines… Could you possibly have been Her Highness' first love? Either way, whether it is that or if she sees you as a trusted fellow, it is odd that she hasn't lowered the venom in her tongue one bit.
"…I did not deem revealing such intel at the moment to be wise," I say, resting against a wall. "As you should have heard, Shirogane was rather exhausted. Disclosing so much information while he was in that state wouldn't have been beneficial in the slightest. I would have welcomed the opportunity to speak more with him, but I believe you spent more time platicating with Shirogane than I did after he regained consciousness."
"Is that so?" And finally, a slight pause in the aggression.
"Indeed. Also, allow me to inform you that I had revealed to Shirogane part of the report that details how was he found and recovered." Or at the least, I did tell him way back when about how he was a Royal Guard here, and how according to Yoroi he perished in Lucifer. It's not like I'm lying, per se. "And while both us were quite flabbergasted at the findings, he didn't have a particularly negative reaction back then."
"Truly? Was Shirogane… not wishing to delve into what had been of him then, who he was before?"
"He was curious, yes. However, at the time there were other more immediate concerns, such as his training and the coming CCSE, so he didn't press further. Allow me to tell you he was composed when we spoke of the matter, even at the possible prospect of him having been found injured near a battlefield. So," I cough, licking my lips, resting the back of my head on the cold wall, looking up at the illumination for a moment in silence, "I believe it is quite fair to affirm that what has caused this last outburst is directly related to what you chose to mention to him, Your Highness."
"…You wouldn't be thinking on casting blames on my person, would you Vice Commander?"
"No, that is not my intention," even if it is the truth and nothing but the truth. "I want to know what caused him to react in this way since, as I told you, Shirogane has shown much grit during his stay in this base and I find it perplexing that he has suffered two breakdowns in a single day. Certainly, we both wish to avoid this from repeating itself?"
She inhales sharply again, as sharp as her tone remains. "Yes, we are in agreement on that regard."
"Then, do you have any idea what could have caused him such distress to send him into shock once more? Did he say something that you believe is connected to his suffering?"
A moment of silence passes, then another. In the stillness of the hallway, I can only wait.
"There was one particular subject," she begins, voice shattered to pieces, "that brought him much anxiety, it seems."
"And it was?"
"…The date of the accident."
"Huh? The date?"
"Yes, I…" another moment of silence, a heavy and long sigh afterwards, "I made the folly of mentioning Lucifer to him. I had thought he to be aware of that, considering how he spoke of his records. I may have spoken on emotion at the time."
"I see. Was he distraught at the mention of the mission?" Perhaps, another memory recovery? Did he see his final moments and that's what sent him into that rampage?
"No, that was not what caught his attention. It seems… he was concerned more with the date, as I said before. He explicitly asked me why had I mentioned the date of 'August 5th', and that seems to be what brought him much anguish even before my miss of bringing up Lucifer," she says, cracks within the composure she tries to revitalize.
…But what does this mean? Why that date? Shirogane was completely fine when we discussed these subjects. A memory of Lucifer… No, it doesn't look like it. He'd have reacted far, far worse to the recollections of Shura's Dance then, or during our previous talks on the subject of his memories. Am I forgetting something? I do not think so, however. Then, an oversight? Did he mention something I didn't pay mind to? What could have caused him such grief? And above all else, how can I prevent this from happening again? Anyways, he needs time. Even if it means clashing with Her Purpleness for a moment, even if my image in her eyes suffers slightly, I have to shield Shirogane, buy him time to adapt to whatever it is he saw. I cannot lose… such an important asset, after all. He still has to tune the 00 Unit before anything, and I require him in good spirits for that task. It's all for the good of Alternative IV, even if there are inherent risks with denying Her Highness the immediate transfer she would wish.
"Sadly, I can't think of a reason why he'd react in such fashion to a mere date," I admit, ruffling my hair. "In any case, I believe it is clear Shirogane is not yet ready to learn of his past. I suggest we wait a few-"
"I wholeheartedly disagree with you assessment, Vice Commander," she says, once more hailing a banner, raining the arrows. "Shirogane was most welcoming of my inquiries, never losing his composure despite being speaking with me, the Shogun. All the contrary, he even endowed in confidence, forwarding bold inquiries my way at times. If not for my careless mention of Lucifer, I am certain he would have welcomed the notion to visit Tokyo and regain his citizenship, under the proposal I detailed to you before."
"…And while I understand and welcome your support to keep this under wraps, it's clear something must have gone wrong during your talk of his past. I cannot have my protegee suffering from traumatic flashbacks unnecessarily, you'd understand," I affirm, frowning to the overhead lights. She seems to groan softly in disagreement, pronouncing not a word. "Is giving Shirogane some time such an impossibility, Your Highness?"
"…No, that is a reasonable request," she says, low. "However, it is concerning you insist on this trail that recalling his past is harmful for Shirogane. You truly wouldn't have ulterior motives regarding this arrangement?"
"May I ask what has you believing such things?"
"Oh, please. It is but a simple matter," the premature softness then fades, fades as she seems to exhale quite heavily from her nose, "after all the date of his arrival coincides perfectly with the beginning of all these new developments you've been devising as of late. Quite convenient, isn't it?" Thawing the facade, not dulling the animosity, the sting of the arrows. "More so considering I was notified of a certain… training exercise among Gekishins, where one pilot seemed to possess piloting quirks resembling those of my vassal. What do you have to say to this, Vice Commander?"
Sigh… Now of all times she has to bring this up? "It is nothing you should concern yourself with, Your Highness. It is true, Shirogane was tasked with bringing certain intel to me. I can grant you proof of it, of the morning in which he arrived at the base with a peculiar bag filled with precious intel for my research."
"It is truly gracious of you to offer this intel, XO. Thank you kindly," she says, briefly returning to the frequent polite and sweet demeanor I know her for. "However," it lasts only a second, though, "why would you allow Shirogane to pilot, if he was nothing but a cadet at that point?"
"…I am afraid I cannot disclose the motives behind my decision back then."
"Whatever does that mean?"
"That it is tied to… the experiences he suffered from before arriving to this base."
"Huh?! A-Are you saying-"
"Furthermore, he insisted much on taking part in the developments, I'll have you know."
"…How do you mean? I do not believe he could have made himself useful to your project."
"Sigh… Believe me, as the General said, Shirogane can be quite stubborn when he sets his sights on something. Such is the reason why he's currently doing paperwork under his punishment, solely because he refuses to sit still. I do admit, it would be saddening to lose such a promising recruit. Is there truly no way in which we can reach an agreement, to have him remain in the UN?"
"Do you value his services so much, XO?" She asks, low, burning.
"Can you at least rest for a while, just a short while? Please, Yuuko?"
"He has been of much help, and I'm certain you know it were his actions what prevented the CCSE from… taking an ugly turn," I sigh, shoulders sagging. She takes a moment, but gives her agreement in the end. "And despite all the issues that plague him, I do…"
"If I said yes… Would you laugh at me?"
A small pressure on my lips, a hand holds an elbow closer to my body as I close my eyes, "…appreciate his work thus far. Also, to ensure no claims of identity theft fall on Shirogane's shoulders, nor any unwanted eyes fall upon someone who was supposed to be dead, we require time to facilitate the restoration of his profiles. In the meantime, perhaps we could allow him to relax, to not focus on what has been piling much stress upon his shoulders."
"I suppose, you bring up a fair point," she relents, the poison subsiding. "However, as I said before, I would be wishing for you to return Shirogane to the IRG. And he should learn of his situation, in the short term."
"I agree, I do not want to have this issue lingering for long. If you'd allow, would you welcome a proposition?"
"What would it be about?"
"Perhaps you have already been notified of this, I have requested a meeting with both the UN's HC and the authorities of the Empire."
"Ah, yes. I was told of it briefly. Yet, this meeting is for matters related to your research, is it not? I am not certain if I… favor you entangling Shirogane in these discussions," and once again, the viper does not hide. The morning star seems more than willing to fall down to dark aggression upon me.
"My apologies for not being clear, Your Highness. However, allow me to be frank. Shirogane has already involved himself in these developments." More due to the fact that, without him, there would be no news to speak of, frankly. And despite all that he has given me, all I can do for Shirogane is parley for some time.
"XO, I believe I am being clear on my wishes. I do not wish for you to entangle Shirogane to-"
"As I said, I am not entangling him. He insisted on offering his aid, and I merely put him to the test a few times. Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to deliver such results."
Besting the Valkyries with the first prototype of our new parts, and an XM3 that still required much debugging. Then, he finishes the consoles along Yashiro, and later sends the Valkyries to the drawing board while he was merely 'playing' around. All the trial runs for the XM3, his performance in Niigata, his training run with Yashiro, the data that the memory recovery sessions have granted me to both polish the last details of the 00 Unit, to iron out a theory I had almost given up on, and to let me see a theory that I hadn't even thought was possible. And that's still with him not having disclosed what he learned from another me. As well as his constant worry, as tiresome as it gets, over my health to the point of carrying me to bed and tackling my office's papers despite his exhaustion.
I cough, grasping my chin. "So, I shall give you a small tidbit of data. Thanks to Shirogane's odd piloting quirks, I devised an improved OS for our TSF."
"Huh? An… improved OS? You speak of something similar to what was attempted with the Shiranui-1c?"
"Oh, no. It is not hardware-bound as that unit's OS, even if it follows a similar purpose. I shall disclose all the important details in the upcoming meeting, where I also plan to push for a trial run to be held, to gain authorization to use this OS in the future deployments that my project will require." I leave the silence hanging for a brief instant, curling a strand of hair as I look up. "If you support the proposal, then when the trial run is held you could pay a visit to this base under that excuse. And then… you could have a private talk with Shirogane."
"…Is that so? Do I have your word on this arrangement?" She slowly asks, as if holding her breath.
"Of course, Your Highness. You have been most welcoming of my proposals thus far, and I do not wish to sour our relation due to these accidents that have happened today. That is why, I must ask you for time. Allow Shirogane some respite from all the meetings, wait until the trial is held and then you can speak with him face to face." Leaving the wall, pacing in circles, a finger raises my chin as I smile. "Of course, I would be truly grateful if you could give him your blessing to remain serving in the UN. However, in the end, it's his choice. And in this way, we do not have to risk anything with a visit to the Capital."
"…And he can return to Tokyo in our retinue afterwards, hmm," she says, softly yet not sheathing the sword. "An exchange of favors, I see. It is reasonable, I suppose." Sigh, finally got her to- "However, it does not feel appropriate to me. This proposition could be taken as you… abusing Shirogane's condition to have me agree to your petitions in the meeting."
"Excuse me, what?"
"In the first place, Shirogane is an Imperial Guard, a member of my fellowship," back to the storm clouds, back to the venom. Short of stopping, she presses on after a small inhalation. "And while I would normally not waver when it comes to supporting your project, it does not seem proper of you to try and gain something through the pain of my vassal."
…
"…If anything is bringing pain to Shirogane, it is whatever lays in his past, Your Highness," I slowly say, losing the neutrality, endowing a viper of my own. "I am merely looking out for what would be the best way for him to recover his memories without suffering further harm," nodding to myself, my lips curl upwards slightly, "since I am his current legal tutor."
"So, what you're saying is… Shirogane's current condition is dire enough for you to suggest such a long delay in notifying him of his identity?"
"He is weak, yes. I am taking proper care of him, Your Highness. Even more so now that I know… of his ties to the nobility. Yet, due to what eyes linger on him, exercising caution is a must, you'd understand," I say, she seems to groan for a moment. "And this arrangement I proposed is what comes to mind when thinking on how to facilitate a meeting between Shirogane and a possible representatives of your fellowship. Furthermore, I am not asking you to support my developments. I'm merely requesting a chance to show their worth to the rest of the Empire, that is all."
"Thus, I could refuse the adoption of this new OS you've devised?"
"It would be most regrettable, but I would in no way demand such out of you, Your Highness. And, if it would please you, as a show of support to you from Alt. IV… I am willing to take the XFJ Project under my wing."
"Eh? XO, are you being truthful?" Quite the surprise she now feels. As you tend to say, like a penguin in a desert.
"Yes, I am. Takamura has already delivered results with the railgun, even if a preliminary test is yet to be held." I sigh, the silence unnerving, my steps delaying in my circles. "I am aware of the possible repercussions leaving the project under my hands could cause. Yet, if you request such out of me, I am willing to resume the development of the Shiranui Second." And anyways, Shirogane already gave me a good idea to further refine our units, not only the TSFs, with his revamped control scheme suggestion. If I manage to at least get one Shiranui-1C and have him pilot it, who knows what kind of crazy advancements I'll be able to make?
She remains silent, some hushed whispers coming through the speaker, nothing concise or discernible. So long is the wait that I stop walking, growing dizzy of the circular trail, and again lean on the wall by the door leading to Shirogane's room. Slightly opening it, his breathing is calm again. But it's too slow, and he's paling a bit. Perhaps he only needs some rest, but I cannot risk it. I should notify Marimo that he won't be taking part of the trainings tomorrow.
"Vice Commander?" She calls out.
"I am here, Your Highness. Do you have an answer?"
"Yes, allow me to thank you for your proposition. It is most benevolent of you, to shoulder my nation's developments despite all that you must deal with," she says, finally reverting to the proper and polite tone I know her for.
"It is nothing, I am merely doing my part," to protect Shirogane, the one who can tune the 00 Unit and aid me the most.
"Regardless, forgive my prior words if they were abundant in hostility. Now then, while I would welcome your proposition to restart the XFJ Project, I cannot simply hand it over."
"I understand and agree with your concerns, Your Highness. I was thinking on having 1st Lt Takamura lead the development once more, as she had done while in Yukon, and procure some test pilots from my ranks. Would that be agreeable to you?"
"Yes, it is reasonable. However, would you allow me to make a counteroffer and another petition?"
"…I'm listening."
"First, there were some concerns raised about possible volcanic activity," she says, heaving a sigh, collapsing in true concern. "While I would wish for our own troops to tend to the civilians whose lives are endangered, we cannot meet the numbers required to scour the area in its entirety."
Perhaps due to that rumor of BETA stragglers in the mainland? If their forces are split in two, then yes, it would be impossible for them to have enough hands available. This does sound like one of the accidents Shirogane brought up before, a natural disaster we could use to appeal to the Shogunate. Heh, he doesn't know how right he was about that. Yet another thing to thank him for.
"Are there inquiries coming to the UN's offices already?"
"There should be, I believe. Would you be willing to spare some of your troops to aid the relief efforts?"
"Yes, it is no problem. I assume, two or three TSF squadrons along the foot soldiers would suffice?"
"Indeed. Thank you kindly, Vice Commander," back to the polite tone, clearing away the arrows in threat.
"It is nothing but a small exchange of favors, considering the deference you've shown my project through the years. There was something else you wished to ask, yes?"
"Indeed, regarding the formation of the crew for the XJF Project," she takes in a small breath, a small brief silence. "Would you welcome the two younger members of the Tsukuyomi family to join the team of pilots?"
"I… suppose I could consider it. Would you wish them to be your eyes, then?" It makes sense, she wouldn't lose the chance to have her own people involved.
"Indeed, if you so allow. I believe their expertise will benefit the project greatly. However, I suggest you include other UN pilots, preferably not related to the nobility, to avoid courting controversy with the other Regent Houses," she says, welcoming yet sharp.
"Hmm. You're correct on the last point, and I suppose I'd welcome the proposal, if only to not have to take pilots from other squads."
"And, if you'd allow a petition?"
"Yes?"
"Could you allow both cousins to oversee Shirogane's activities from now on?"
"…I do not believe it wise, Your Highness. He already has a bad reputation on this base, to be tailed by Royal Guards would-"
"They can be some sort of guardians, if you may," she insists, raising her voice slightly. "Consider it my personal apology to both you and cadet Shirogane for my careless mention of Lucifer. The cousins can officially be assigned to watch over Shirogane as he moves around the base during the duration of his punishment, to ensure no one dares to lay a finger on him. If questions are raised, they can immediately answer that they are the apology the IRG is giving the cadet for harming him during battle, and they themselves can dispel any ill assumptions anyone could have," fast are her words, faster the justifications she employs before I can even retort. While I welcome the fortification of Shirogane's shield…
"Your Highness, might I ask why do you propose this arrangement?"
"Well, as you should be aware of, Shirogane was trained by the Tsukuyomi House. He was a good fellow to both cousins, I can only imagine the dismay they must be feeling at the moment," flickering lights come off as she sighs, the slow and honest dejection she feels coming to the surface for a moment. It lasts little, as she coughs and any ripples in her voice are erased instantly. "If it'll take time for us to facilitate a meeting, then the cousins can keep Shirogane safe until then. Also, they might be able to aid in the recovery of his memories while interacting with him."
"Yet, I would expect them-"
"Yes, they shall abide by the rules of your base, XO," she immediately counters. "Were you to grant my selfish request, I shall inform them of the arrangement so that you can debrief them at a latter moment with the way in which you'd allow them to safeguard Shirogane."
"Very well, I can agree to those terms. Consider your petition accepted, Your Highness."
"Thank you kindly for your understanding," she says, a minute pause as she coughs. "I suggest we leave the matter of the XFJ Project for after the trial run of this OS, to avoid rushing our moves."
"I agree. I am too busy for the moment, and procuring the 1C units would take time regardless. I shall move some strings from my position to inform the right people I would be willing to hear a proposition for the XFJ Project, so that you do not have to compromise your standing." A small gesture of thankfulness, lowering my neck a bit is not beyond me if it nets me this many benefits.
"That is appreciated," she answers. "If you'd allow a final query before we end this call, how would cadet Shirogane be as of now?"
"I took a look at his room a moment ago, he seems to be resting easy for now. If there are any updates, I suppose I shall relay them through the younger Tsukuyomis at a latter time."
"Is that so? Well then… I shan't take more of your time, I am certain both of us have much to arrange." Taking another pause to breath in, restoring the bright and polite tone, she then coughs once again. "Thank you kindly for understanding, Vice Commander. I shall do what I'm able from my position to fulfill my part of our accord."
"As will I. However, there's something I must ask," I sigh, grasping my chin as I look at the door to his room. "I know you said he was a fellow already, however, was Shirogane merely another trainee to them, just the son of a prior vassal?"
"…Why would you be asking this?" Once more, coldness and venoms.
"Curiosity, one might say. I understand he might have been a good soldier when in service of the IRG, and that his father also was a worthy vassal, however-"
"Vice Commander," ailing venom, horns to war, "I know not what spurs these inquiries, but allow me to tell you this. If anything were to happen to Shirogane, if even a single hair of his is hurt while under your care, all of what we discussed thus far will be no more."
"Your Highness, with all due respect, I'm merely inquiring on his situation to avoid further damage to his psyche. It is only-"
"No, there is nothing to debate. Do not think yourself capable of beguiling me. What is it that you truly wish to ask of me? Why am I overseeing his safety in person?"
"…If you wish to get to the point, yes, that it is exactly. I am not demanding vast details, I'm merely… surprised, that you would confront me of all people in such forwardness."
"I could say the same of you," she lightly scoffs. "It is most odd you'd shield a mere cadet to such extents, even in front of the General of the IRG, and myself as of now."
"I am merely returning the trust Shirogane placed in me. It is only obvious I would safeguard someone who has given me plentiful satisfactory results since he has arrived."
"Well, I could say the same," she replies, still very much caustic. "Shirogane was a good fellow, to the Tsukuyomi family, to General Guren, and…" a small pause, another second to inhale sharply, "and he also was a good fellow to me."
"What do you mean? Was he-"
"All I'm willing to say is, Shirogane was a personal vassal of mine at one point, as perhaps you have been notified of already. For me, to have learned that he was left to die is nothing but a mockery. I am merely extending to Shirogane the fair helping hand this nation denied him when he needed his fellows the most. It is only obvious a Regent would look after its vassals, and that is what I am doing as of now."
Not a single opening to interject, no hesitation in the wording either. And not even a hint at dousing the caustic poison that crept up from behind the veil of politeness. Just a fellow? Don't make me laugh. Maybe… No, what maybe? It's clear as day, she… she and Shirogane had something going on between each other. Either that, or it was a one sided thing. He is kind of dense at the most inappropriate times, for some reason.
"…I see. I believe I understand now, why you chose to act as you did. Your Highness, Shirogane is in good hands. I assure you of that."
"Sigh… I hope you are correct," suddenly losing impulse, where did her previous bravado go to?
"Is something the matter?"
A moment of silence, a few drowned whispers on her end, before she once more sighs. "Vice Commander, allow me to bestow you a word of warning."
"…Huh?"
"I am not only directing this negotiation myself due to my worry over my vassal. To be honest with you, Shirogane wasn't particularly fond of the UN Forces during his time serving me. Beyond my wish to safeguard my fellow, there is also a concern towards your safety and the project," she says, with not an ounce of hesitation, again.
"Are you suggesting Shirogane could… harm me or my research? Forgive me, Your Highness, but I do not believe that to be the case," I state, placing a hand on my hip, speaking firmly from my stomach. "He hasn't shown himself to be such an aggressive person, nor has he displayed any discontent with his position or comrades. Shirogane has shown an admirable mental fortitude, for all that he has been enduring not once has he acted out of line or lashed out to anyone else, despite having opportunities to do so."
"Yes, he is that kind of person, who would shoulder it all on his own," for a brief moment, a slow, sweet tint returned to her voice. "Yet, you must beware his silences."
"His… silences?"
"Yes. Has he ever remained staring at you, saying nothing, for long periods of time?"
"Perhaps, at times."
"Sigh… That was what he did, whenever he was growing anxious, angered. I do not wish to have his presence in your base compromise the project, to have the eyes that might be set on him to use his woes regarding the databases to strike at Alt. IV. It will already be arduous enough to have to restore his data in the first place. Thus, I've no other choice as of now but to leave him to you," she says, once more growing serious. "However, I expect you to handle Shirogane with care, more so if he grows angered or if he comes seeking answers to you. An offense towards him equals an offense against my very person. Am I being clear, Vice Commander?"
"…Of course, Your Highness. Then, I suppose my propositions will receive your blessing?"
"Indeed. I shall do what I'm able from my position to ensure the next meeting is resolved peacefully. You have my word that the required papers are already being prepared to make a reality of what we have agreed on," she says, then sighs. "I shan't take more of your time, for I am sure we both are very busy. I hope our next talk can be held in… more auspicious circumstances."
"As do I, Your Highness. Until the coming meeting."
"Indeed, until the meeting," she says, not lowering the edge until the very end, until the call is ended.
Sigh… Leaning on a wall, I bring a hand to my forehead. Damn it all, this almost got out of control. Well, I suppose I got more than I bargained for now. Shirogane will stay, with enough time to regain his health. The pickles will now work as bodyguards for him, so I don't have to deal with that or any idiotic soldiers trying to pick a fight with him. Her Highness will favor my petition, and perhaps even grant me the XFJ Project so that we can work on that little idea Shirogane had. Now I don't have to negotiate as deeply as I thought I'd have to with Takamura and the Takatsukasa fellowship. And I was already planning on sending Shirogane and his squad to the relief efforts for this supposed accident with the volcano, but now I can use that to prove to Her Highness I am truly on her side for as long as she's in mine. And once Shirogane aids the people in this mission, and takes our troops to victory in the XM3 trials, I'm sure his image will gradually get better and better.
I still should let him rest tomorrow, without bringing anything up until the afternoon. He needs the rest, so that his mind can recover. I suppose it was obvious, he'd have to take a break from the constant work he's been doing since the CCSE. And now I can ensure he'll stay here, as well. I do have to notify Marimo he'll be taking the day off, I have to go return this communicator to the guards, and there are a few papers to tend to still. Well, this took quite the dangerous detours, but now everything is on the rails again. All that's left is making sure Shirogane remains in good health and-
"Yuuko!"
Turning around, Yashiro is guiding Motoko-nee towards me. Her steps lower in speed, she takes out the cigarette she was smoking and throws it in a nearby bin, then rearranges her glasses as she comes closer. Yashiro joins her hands, giving me a bow with a bit of tension in her lips.
"My apologies for the delay, Professor."
"It' alright, Yashiro. I was just done with the call, too. So Motoko-nee, I believe Yashiro should have told you what I need you for?"
She shrugs, one eye closed. "Oversee his status? I don't know why you're so concerned, or if you were being serious before. But don't worry," she then smiles, a subtle nod my way, "in the worst case, it's a matter of doing a blood test to verify which medicine we can give him to aid in the recovery from the shock. I'll work on the assumption that anti-depressants are a no-go, is that fine with you?"
"Yeah, that's a good call." I nod, folding my arms. After what the sedatives did to him in the cockpit, it's for the better to keep him away from those. "At least the injection Homura prepared calmed him down immediately, so you can work from there."
"Roger. By the by, there was another downwards spike in the G-Radiation," she says, business face in place. "This time, it was localized in the perimeter of the base. Do you think this is related to the boy?"
"I see, so that happened." Would explain his outburst, another forceful recovery of memories. So Her Highness ended up using a catalyst, huh. Was it that date in particular, or did his thoughts went elsewhere? "I think it is, for now. When you give him a checkup it should turn out something, anyways."
"Yeah, I suppose. Is there anyone else in the room now?"
"No, I dismissed Homura as well. This little matter remains between you and me, and nobody else can inquire about it." I remain staring, unblinking.
Yet, Motoko-nee smiles and chuckles lightly. "I understand, don't worry. Who would have said you'd be this overprotective of your pawns? Maybe there's something going on here?" She asks, raising a brow, raising a finger on each hand and slowly tapping them a few times.
"Ugh," sighing hard I shake my head, a hand massages my forehead, "this is not the time for jokes, Motoko-nee."
"Ahaha, sorry. You do look a bit too stiff and serious, though," she says, placing her hands on her pockets. "So relax a bit, he's in good hands with me here. It is a bit of a bummer that I won't get to talk with the famous Shirogane, but what can we do? Maybe you can let me ask him some questions once he wakes up?"
"If they're actually related to his condition, you may proceed once he regains consciousness. But, I warn you," grasping my chin, taking a step forward as I frown, my eyes remain fixated on hers, "if you do or say anything stupid in front of-"
"Don't worry, I won't," she sighs, waving both hands down. "Can't believe you let Mitsuko talk with him face to face yet you get so defensive in front of me. I'm just curious, is all."
"Sigh… Just do your thing, Motoko-nee."
"Yes, I will. After all, I can't exactly talk with the guy if he's out of commission. And don't worry, I won't scare him out when we share our first words."
"At least he didn't get a bad impression of you from the call, so just keep it professional, okay?"
"Huh? Yeah, of course, but…"
"What?"
"What do you mean by 'call'? You never allowed me to talk with Shirogane before, Yuuko."
…
Her eyes don't veer from mine, there was nothing impeding the flow of her words. She stands still, raising a brow at my silence, so she isn't teasing me this time.
"Motoko-nee, stop messing around. If you want me to say it, fine, I'll play along. I'm talking of the call he answered yesterday while I was asleep."
She blinks in quick succession, lips twisting a bit. "Yuuko, no one picked up the phone yesterday."
"…What are you talking about? Shirogane told me he picked up the calls you made, and told you I was resting. That's why you sent me a mail, right?"
Again, blinking fast. As she was opening her mouth, Motoko-nee slightly hunches forward while rubbing her forehead with two fingers. Eyes squinting, lips quivering fast as if she were talking to herself. Not meeting my gaze, she looks up as she keeps stroking her head.
"No, I… I was calling you for a report, but you didn't pick up. And then… And then I figured you must have retired for the night, so that's why I sent you a mail instead asking you to take care of yourself."
"…Excuse me, what?"
"What is it? I'm telling you, nobody picked up the phone yesterday."
"But there's no way that's-"
"P-Professor," Yashiro calls for me, she was by the door to Shirogane's room.
Standing still, she turns around. Shaking subtly, yet enough to be noticeable, she looks as terrified as when he showed us those memories of war the day I snapped at him.
"What is it? Is he having another breakdown?!"
"No… I can't…"
"What is it?!" I move past her, gripping the doorknob and blasting the door open. Inside, the same image meets my eyes. "He's still sleeping soundly. What is the issue, Yashiro?"
"…I can't sense him."
"Pardon?"
"There's no… no color. I can't hear him or sense his aura. It's as if…" she then holds her hands close to her chest, looking down, crashing down, "as if he weren't there."
What? But… I look back at the bed, and he's still breathing as calmly as before. Taking slow steps towards him, I place my hand on his chest through the sheets. His heartbeat echoes into my hand. I then grab one of his wrists, and his pulse is still there. Running a hand over his face, near his nose, shows me he is still breathing.
"Yashiro, are you certain of what you're saying?"
"Y-Yes. I… There's no color around him, at all," she insists, grimacing a bit when looking his way.
"But he seems fine, perhaps he's in a too deep slumber due to the medication and the shocks?"
"Yuuko, are the appliances connected to the guy?" Motoko-nee asks, walking to the other side of the bed, looking at what the readings showed.
"Yes, they should be." Looking at the cables on his chest, at the small threads connected to the headband he always used when recovering memories, there's nothing wrong here. "Do you see something odd?"
"…Come here, and you'll see it too."
What has made her be this serious? Slowly pacing to the other side of the bed, brushing my bangs off my face, I look at the… monitors. One has his heart rate, which remains stable along the other numbers shown alongside it. The other monitor, the one connected to the headband… which is supposed to be tracking his brainwaves…
…is coming up empty.
…
"Yuuko, are you sure that thing you made isn't broken?" She asks, leaning closer as she taps her glasses.
He said once, when he gave me the theories before Niigata… about the experiments I did to him on another loop, on how he works as a conductor…
"Yuuko, are you listening?"
That when he started seeing dreams of his world, his consciousness was slipping between timelines. That we couldn't track his brainwaves when that happened, and that I relied on Yashiro to keep his 'self' ingrained to this world while he brought the theories back from his world.
Grasping my hair, feeling my mouth start to open, I look at him. Sleeping so soundly, as if he had already had a good fill of food after a day's work. But the monitor still shows no signs of his brainwaves, and most importantly-
"Yashiro, do you still not feel anything from him?" I ask, staring. She shakes her head, lips crashing down as she touches one of his hands.
"Yuuko, what is going-"
You're kidding me, right?
His consciousness is slipping away? At this time, after I finally managed to negotiate a ceasefire with Her Purpleness?
Something touches my shoulder, shaking it. "Yuuko, snap out of it! What's the problem?"
What am I gonna do if he doesn't make it back? Will he wake up now? But, if Yashiro can't feel anything from him, then there is no way she could anchor him to this world. Yet, he could merely be-
No, wait.
Motoko-nee forgot about speaking with him last night.
And Shirogane said that, if he were to leave, people would forget about his existence.
And this isn't him just dreaming… he was absorbing too much G-Radiation, seeing too many memories at once perhaps.
And if he couldn't break the link, if he couldn't halt the recollection, if he couldn't dissociate the memory from the present…
…What if his consciousness remains linked to that memory, to the link to the timeline of that memory?
"Yuuko, please, tell me what-"
Placing a hand over what was shaking my shoulder, I take it off me as I walk up closer to the bed. The headband is shining in a pattern, recording information. Which means, it isn't broken. Which means, his consciousness isn't here at the moment. But if his aura also isn't here, it means there's no anchor to him in this world. That he simply started to… seep out to another world.
…Motoko-nee had said something odd, that she hadn't talked to Shirogane when she called before. Does that mean he was starting to slip while in the cockpit? Or, is this related to his greater absorption of G-Radiation?
…What if I'm tackling this in the wrong way? What if he's absorbing more radiation to make up for the deficit he's spending? If he's seeing many memories, traumatic and heavy ones at that, he'd be using up his own pull to do that. And the fluctuations of G-Radiation, the physical manifestation of the conductor's and nucleus' influence on the material plane, indicate Shirogane started to absorb more and more out of nowhere. And if he were to deplete his reserves… it is possible his existence could vanish once more. After all, so long as he remains as an anomaly, the only thing tethering him to reality is his own willpower and the excess of G-Elements that should have been used to allow him to exist in another timeline. Not only that, but if he is this world's Shirogane as I think he is, then he truly should be dead.
He's dealing with the pull of another world that tries to regain its Shirogane as well as the data of this world which says Shirogane should be dead. When he's unconscious and after having exhausted his G-Radiation on two toilsome memory recovery sessions.
…
"Motoko-nee, take Shirogane to 22F. Connect him to the device and begin treatment immediately."
"Huh? W-Wait a second, by the device you don't-"
"Yes, you know the one," I nod, her eyes part open wide. "Yashiro, you help her take Shirogane there in a gurney or something. I'll go handle what duties I have left, I'll go there once I'm done."
Nodding to them, Yashiro quickly returns a nod before going to the other end of the room to prepare the equipment to take him to the teleporter.
Motoko-nee grasps her forehead, sighing heavily. "Yuuko, what is going on here? Can you-"
"Motoko-nee, what should you be doing right now?"
"I'm just asking-"
"Preparing Shirogane to take him to the causality sensor, exactly. Could you be going there, right this instant? Yes, thank you very much. Now, if you wouldn't mind, stop staring at me, and get moving already. Yashiro should know what to look for, you connect him into the machine and check his brainwaves as well as his G-Radiation. If it's too low, start the machine and make sure he's taking it in."
"Taking it in? You want him to absorb more radiation?"
"Are you just going to repeat all I say like a parrot now? Come on, you have your orders. Prepare Shirogane to take him there, and make sure you take good care of him. Am I being clear? Good, thank you, now start moving."
Squinting my eyes at her, I nod and fold my arms before turning around and going to exit the room. As the door slides open, I take one last look at Shirogane. He seems to be sleeping as calmly as he was this night in the sofa, just without snoring. It seems as if he still were here, about to wake up any second.
But that might not be the case. Sighing hard, I shake my head and make my way into the hallway, towards the elevator.
This has got to be a bad joke, now of all times. All because I didn't warn him of the sedatives, because I put him in a call with Her Highness…
No, focus! There's a few duties left on my timetable before I can excuse myself to my 'office'. I also have to leave word in case we receive a call asking for our help on the relief efforts. In any case, there's still time. His body is still here, and I still clearly remember what happened thus far.
Yes, we… were talking in the medbay about how I didn't tell him anything, and he was pained about not recalling what he had seen. Then, I tried to motivate him by promising to treating him as an equal.
Phew… I still remember every second we waste puts him in greater risk, and also can make people forget about him. A small silver lining is that this happened during the day, so people being awake and after he made such a show in the mock battle should work as a deterrent to his data flowing out of this world. Sigh… Thankfully, I haven't activated the 00 Unit yet, so Kagami being alive is another safety net we have available. But that only confirms the status of the loop. Damn, and since we haven't made any testings to have him jump to other timelines, I have abso-fucking-lutely nothing on how to halt the memory leaks. Shit…
"Yuuko, hey!" Turning my head back as I stop walking, I see Motoko-nee jogging towards me. "Come on, wait a second here. Tell me what's going on, and why would you do something as crazy as taking the boy to that machine."
"Motoko-nee, what did I tell you to do?" I ask, folding my arms.
"Huh?" And she, for some fucking reason, opens her eyes and stares at me dumbfounded. As if this were an amusing joke, not even taking my order seriously.
"I had ordered you to take Shirogane to the underground causality sensor, didn't I? So, if you wouldn't mind, could you obey your orders and go back to the medbay?"
"H-However, at least tell me what-"
Taking a step forward, raising a hand to a wall, my stomach turns as I frown. "We don't have time for explanations! Shirogane, to the underground. NOW!"
"…Any specific directives you'd like to share with me, XO?" She asks, standing in attention, sobering up.
"I already told you an overview of what to look for. I'll finish my active duties and then join you later. On your way, now," I glare, she nods and turns around to jog her way back to the medbay.
Sigh… Fuck, damn it all. Ruffling my hair, I also pick up my pace to the elevator. Accident after accident, what the hell is today? Reaching the end of the hallway, I slam the button and the light confirms the descent of the machine to my position.
But yes, it was all just an accident. For all I know, I'm overreacting. Yeah, he might just be seeing something in his dreams and Yashiro can't sense his psyche.
…
He wouldn't leave us hanging, after all. Shirogane wouldn't… turn his back on us now.
The door opens, I enter and slam the button to my office and the whirring of gears starts the way down. I throw myself against a wall, sighing hard, covering my sight, feeling my heartbeats clawing up my neck.
He is he even safe now? If he recovers too many memories at once, his psyche could be damaged. Or worse, he might revert to how he was in this world when he served Her Highness. And that's not all, if he somehow ends up in another world, if his mind slips fully from here, what happens if he ends up in a timeline without the means with which to return here?
…What if he ends up in his home world and in the weakness he must be feeling after all the issues with the IRG he chooses to try and stay there? He'll only suffer more, he may not get another chance to remember all of his knowledge if he dies.
"…You better be safe, Shirogane. This is just a little accident, a little slip up. And it was my fault, so I can admit that. You can say it, that I fucked this up for not listening to you. So… you better come back to me. Don't you dare… to be really gone…"
Two hours later.
(B22F. Teleporter's Room.)
The door slides open as I pass my ID on the reader, and I quickly go inside. The sound of clicking immediately reaches my ears, the smell of the smoke clogs my nose.
"Oh, hey," Motoko-nee waves at me, with a dead serious face. "Did you finish everything already?"
"It's all taken care of, or delegated to the right people. So," I fold my arms, looking at Shirogane. He's still unconscious, fastened to the machine as Yashiro holds his hand, eyes closed, "I suppose there has been no progress."
"No, he hasn't woken up nor have I managed to get a reading on his brain. Sigh…" her shoulders sag, she takes off the thing she was smoking and turns it off. Coughing once into a hand, she leans on the control panel, letting me get closer. "You were right though, once I made a scan on him the boy was almost pristine clean of radiation. As if he had just gotten to the base."
"What? Was it that low?"
"Yeah, his levels are back to what's normal for those who remain here now. It's… uh, well, really odd to see it happen in front of me," she scratches an ear, tightness in her expression. "Yuuko, now that you're here, can you tell me in the Heavens is going on here? Because between missing brainwaves, G-Radiations sponges and the little girl being unable to sense anything, I think I'm dreaming right now."
"Sigh… Fine, I'll give you the summarized version of it." So I sigh, ruffle my hair as I tell her of the theories, and of Shirogane's status and how is he affected by the anomalies, saying it was due to him surviving an explosion of a G-Bomb on Lucifer instead of the truth.
She rubs her forehead, eyes lost upwards. Within her usually relaxed and clear eyes, only a small thread of light was visible as her features tighten further.
"So," she tentatively starts, licking her lips, "due to the Nucleus' pull, many memories he lost are rushing into Shirogane through the Conductor's link. And to sustain that connection, the G-Radiation he absorbed is given up in exchange of the memories. But, since he should have died for all intents and purposes, if he ever exhausts all of his radiation before you can 'stabilize' him, there's a chance his mind will slip to another parallel world?"
"Correcto, all data points to that being the case. The only thing is, Shirogane was never able to trigger a memory link on his own. So, this has got to be some of the heaviest, most core memories of his past. However, since he is different to how he used to be, he required a trigger, a catalyst for this to happen. I frankly don't know what's going on here to the fullest detail." Because if this keeps on happening, then he won't be able to even talk with the guards now. And that will sour our relations with the Shogun, and perhaps make him more negative as well. Shit… Just what kind of thing did he see? When he was trying to get up from the bed… he said someone was still alive. I wonder what was that about, who was that someone to send him into such a rampage.
"Okay, so, what do we do from here?" She asks, gazing at Shirogane.
"You already tried activating the machine?"
"At minimal levels, I don't want to cut the power line entirely."
"Alright, let's try to use as much power as we can get away with. Yashiro," I walk towards them, towards the paling and sunken shape of Shirogane and the equally sinking shape of Yashiro, "Have you managed to sense anything?" She shakes her head, very slowly while not meeting my eyes. "Very well,we're going to push the machine to almost full power. You focus on him as we do, alright?"
"…Yes."
We both step back from the surrounding area, closing the hatch of the circular shape at the top, where Shirogane is bolted as of now. Looking back, I nod to Motoko-nee and she pushes the first levers.
The shaking starts, the static begins to fill the air, I can feel it in my hair. As the sphere begins to rotate, as the pistons move up and down with more violence with each repetition. The graphs in the monitors don't change, Yashiro's expression remains focused, her hands tightly joined as she holds her breath.
So I grab two more levers and push them forward, activating more engines to feed power to the machine. As soon as I do, the faint cerulean glow begins to appear, but only as dim illumination over the metallic frame of the sphere.
And yet, as the noise of the engine fills my ears and the sphere becomes blurred in its rotation, the numbers don't change. Yashiro's brows begin to twitch, her mouth is partly open and taking small but deep breaths.
Even when I wait a moment, nothing shows signs of changing.
"Yuuko, should we…"
"Use one more, we risk a blackout if we push this further."
"Understood."
More noise, faster rotation, further tension in Yashiro's face as she now gasps with her mouth wide open.
But the numbers don't change, at all.
Despite waiting for a full minute.
Despite how the cerulean brightness now is clearly covering the whole sphere.
Despite being working at almost full output.
…It isn't working, at all."
"Fuck!" Punching the control panel, hunching onto it, both of my hands come to claw the back of my head. "Fuck, fuck, fuck… Why won't this work?! He should be reacting somehow to this!"
"Y-Yuuko, calm down. This is just-"
"How do you want me to calm down?! If he isn't regaining consciousness, if Yashiro can't sense his aura, then his mind really is seeping out to another world!"
Her hands raise, aiming at my shoulder, before they rest on my arm instead as she sighs heavily. "Look, I don't know what's going on here as well as you do, but there must be something to be done."
"Sigh… Yashiro, can you sense anything?"
Opening her eyes, her breathing compromised as she rubs her chests, she shakes her head. "N-No… I can see something… distant, buried. But I can't hear his thoughts or see his color at all."
Motoko-nee folds her arms, tapping her chin, "So not even you can get to his psyche?"
"At this rate, it might truly be… impossible to reach his mind."
"W-Wait!" Yashiro yells, drowning even the rotary gear for a second, while grasping my sleeve, bending it a bit. "Please, give me more time. I can… try harder."
Patting her head, I heave a sigh. "If you're doing all you can and still there's only a faint echo, there's little we can do now, can we?"
"But…"
"Hey, Yuuko," Motoko-nee calls, so I turn around and find her with her arms folded, staring at Yashiro with her eyes narrowed. "I'm just mentioning this, okay?"
"Huh? What?"
"Yashiro can't reach Shirogane's mind as she is now. So, uh, what if…" she slowly raises a hand, pointing at Yashiro's head, "we take off the bunny ears? Do you think that'll let her focus enough on his mind?"
"Ah… I hadn't thought of-"
"N-No, no, please…" the pull on my sleeve grew harder, Yashiro's further pleas are drowned by the machinery. Shaking, lips barely parting to speak her fears, she keeps her eyes bolted on the floor.
Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, she flinches at the contact. "Yashiro, this might be the only way to reach Shirogane's mind."
"I… I don't know if it'll work."
"I know. But it's either this, giving up, or… well… forcing you to scan his mind while inside the submersion mechanism."
"N-No, please!"
"C-Calm down, I'm just-"
"Don't medicate me, please!" Both hands grab my arm, dampness wells up in her eyes. "I don't want to forget, I don't want to forget! I'll try harder, just give me more time. Please!"
"Yashiro, it's okay!" Grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her a bit, her almost desperate spiel is cut short. She remains still, lips twitching, as she stares at me. "It's okay, I won't… force that on you. I won't have you regress into a silent doll, and I believe I was clear when I said the previous times… were my mistakes. Sigh…" Patting her head, then clearing the lone teardrop that courses through her cheek, she looks up, wavering. "I don't know what could happen, if you try to use your full focus on a mind that's linked to another world. I don't know what Shirogane is thinking, so there are risks with asking you to, well, perform a proper mind dive into his psyche as of now. Not only for him, but for your health even if you fail."
"…I can try," she answers, barely audible.
"Let me remind you, forcefully synchronizing yourself with someone comes with its risks. His mind might reject yours, and without the limiter's safety net, I don't know what harm that might do to you. And still," I crouch, patting her shoulders, our eyes now at even height, "this might be the best shot we have to reach his mind, before he either slips out completely or people start forgetting about him. I won't force you to do this but, are you willing to?"
She breathes in, lips still shaking. Her eyes seek the sphere that still rotates, both hands again clasp together. Looking back at me, she takes in a deep breath, sharpening her features as she nods.
"Yes. I'll do it."
Petting her head, smiling her way, I nod back. "Thanks, Yashiro. And don't worry, I'll stop you if I see it's not working out."
I rise back up again, she closes her eyes as she leans on me, lowering her head. My fingertips rustle through her hair, looking for the clasp of the bunny ears. Merely undoing that causes Yashiro to shake for a moment, trying to calm her breathing. She looks back at me and nods, so I continue to remove the parts of the ESP limiters, she parts her lips as if to say something, but if she did I couldn't hear it through the rumbling of the machine. Which, by Motoko-nee's sober facade, is doing nothing to get Shirogane back here.
I remove the locks on the upper side, helping her slip her hair off the bindings. Yashiro lets out a yelp, grabbing the sides of her head, covering her ears. Slowly taking a few steps back, my eyes remain watching her features, her twitching eyes, the breaths she takes. Gulping hard and still breathing heavily, she removes the base of the sensors, quivering as she does. With one last quiver, as if she were outside under the snow, she then looks back at me as her whole hair flows downwards, her mind now free of the limiter's safety net on her powers. I stare at her, to make sure she's still feeling fine, and she returns a nod despite the frailty of the gesture, of the slow movements of her steps to look once more towards the rotating sphere.
"Alright. Are you ready, Yashiro?"
"Yes. I'll do my best… to reach Takeru-san's heart."
[Kasumi]
Like a very tall pile of papers falling on top of me when I was younger. That is what resembles the slight pain that surges forth all over my head.
The Professor says something, I can't hear well enough. My feet rustle forward, the blurred frame of the machine entering my sight again after the recoil.
And again, like a sudden fire breaking out, a line of pain comes into me. From my nose to my eyes, as if I had fallen head first into a bathtub full of boiling water. It makes my skin crawl, or as if something were crawling under it. Kind of as if I had many, many syringes draining my blood all at once on my limbs. It is strenuous, the mere sensation of nothingness on his mind as of now.
Gasping for air, it takes my all not to break my sight from the sphere. It is like an abyss, but it isn't hollow. Unlike the scans the Professor requests out of me from gathered intel on the BETA, there is 'something' pushing back against me. As if someone were drawing a line back and forth from my nape to the tip of my nose, it burns and hurts. When scanning the BETA, there is silence but there is nothing. No response, no acknowledgment.
But if I sense something pushing, it means Takeru-san is still here… somewhere in there.
"Yashiro, don't exert yourself!" she shouts, sounding more rough than the pistons of the machine.
But… but just a little more… I can't simply give up now, even if it hurts. Takeru-san might not wake up, or it might take him a long time to do so and people will forget about him. Maybe I'll start forgetting about our games, our talks, the stories he told me, the shapes he taught me in Cat's Cradle…
"…No, I don't want that."
So I close my eyes very, very tight. So tight that a few lights start swirling, and the pain, and the burning grows harder to endure.
That small glimmer, I have to… get to it, somehow. If I focus on what I know of him… on the images from his world… and try to project that into his mind, maybe that'll spur-
"Ugh!"
I open my lips, trying to scream. I can't hear myself, I can't feel air coming into me.
Everything grows blurry, the images I was recalling starting to mix and bend. The sole thought of pushing this into him… caused the images to surface, and spiral into his heart. And the barrier that before was pushing me away… now is pulling me in.
Locked in place, everything spinning. Strained, sore and dry, that's how his throat feels. Whether I'm standing or not, I can't tell anymore. But every image of what he told me, of his games and pastimes, comes forward like a small bubble. Like the light reflecting the colors off it, the images bend and swirl, the table on his home as he ate with Sumika-san and that mean squadmate, the room that looks like a lot of TSF simulators, the classroom where talks with his friends, the PX as he juggles with his comrades.
Each and every bubble come up and up in my mind, as if forced out by the spinning, the spinning that doesn't stop. Blinking a few times, only a small cerulean light I can see. And the bubbles start to burst, to fade away. But the spinning continues, like if I were being shaken back and forth in a twister of water.
But I don't drown, the light simply seems to become more and more dim with each passing second, becoming thin threads amidst the spinning. And the bubbles keep raising up, raising to then burst, to then fade to nothing…
And it keeps swirling, swirling, as I keep sinking, sinking, sinking in the bubbles, the currents of the twister.
Slowly.. slowly… so quiet… so soft…
Like a small bubble raising to the sky, wobbling in the air…
"Hnngh…"
Hurts.
I don't know what.
But it hurts.
Where was I?
I don't recall the specifics.
It hurts.
My eyelids feel so heavy. It reminds me of spring, before the BETA attacked. All the pollen made it hard for my eyes to open well when the Professor took me to take a walk outside.
She always complained the pollen ruined her hairstyle.
Yes, it smelled… like faint grass, with all the flowers fluttering in the air like small stars in the sky.
It was pretty.
Yes… it was…
Hm?
I can't open my eyes, and I do sense… a faint and pleasant smell. It feels odd. My fingertips coil, I can feel my arms and legs start to retract, activating again. But the sensation I'm resting on, it's soft yet hard. Many small and soft things meet my fingers, yet my back is sore and stiff.
Finding my palms on the ground, I raise my upper body and rub my eyes. Slowly, a blurry image comes into my sight as I take a deep breath.
"…Huh?"
A city. A real city. Not ruins, but a real city. I slowly stand up, seeing the… greenery around me. The grass growing wildly, the trees with all of their branches filled with leaves as they're rustled by the wind.
"It feels so… fresh." The air is so clean, is feels so nice. Looking up, the sky looks so… well, blue. A vast expansion of blue and clouds can I see from this height, almost to the horizon itself.
But it's so strong, and so clear. The sun is shining strong, so it looks more lovely.
And as I look behind me, a very, very large tree rested on the place, as if declaring itself owner of the foliage.
"Wait, this place… Is it the hill near the base?" I do recognize the place, the altitude. But…
But where the base was supposed to be, there's a similar building but without the radar dish or any security I also can't see the training grounds, either.
"…Where am I? I was… Ah! Takeru-san!"
Yes, I was trying to reach his mind. Then, when I thought of sending images of his world into his mind… those images went without any impediment into his heart, and I couldn't stop myself from sending more and more images, to sink more and more. And then… And then, what happened to me? Where is this place?
Well, standing around won't give me any answers. I suppose, I should try to descend the hill.
Slowly walking through the greenery, the daylight pouring through the treetops, the air rustling the grass, it feels so… alive. So nice. I don't remember the base's perimeter to be this nice when I was little and we went on walks. The air is still feeling so fresh, as well.
After moments of solitude and silence, I find a small road on the descent of the hill. Shortly after, I find myself on the slope that leads back to the base.
"Should I go there? I don't even know what is happening here… Oh!"
Someone is coming down the street, sporting civilian clothing. Should… Should I try to talk to that person? Uh…
Taking in a deep breath, I try to cross the street to intercept the person, the woman that comes down the street.
"Uh, excuse me. Do you have a moment?" I say, giving a small bow.
The woman doesn't even react, and keeps walking towards me. Maybe she didn't hear me well?
"Uh, excuse me. I do not wish to bother you, but could you tell me where am I?"
The woman keeps walking, walking past me without even looking my way. As she passes me, I realize that I can't sense her thoughts. Or see her colors.
…
I had removed my limiters, didn't I?
Patting my head, however, has my fingers finding the bunny ears in place once again. Even in a reflection of a window, I can see myself with them atop my head. Why? What's… What's happening here?!
Turning around, I follow after the old woman. "Uh, forgive me. But could you tell me-"
I reach out to grab her sleeve, yet my hand slips past it. Staring at my hand, blinking for a moment, I walk after the woman and again try to grab her.
Yet, my hand simply passes right through her, time and again. As if I were a ghost, unable to even touch her. Panting after trying for so long to catch up to the woman while climbing the hill, I rest my hands on my knees.
"What… is going on here? Professor… Where are you, Professor?"
Picking up my pace, I direct myself to the base. Yet, I find the doors closed. Not by the usual guard post, but by a mere sliding door with bars. There is no plaque that would distinguish this place as a base, and there is no equipment to suggest that is the case, either.
Then, what is this place? Why did my hand go through that woman? How did I get here?
…How do I go back?
Feeling something cold down my back, I turn around and run. And run, and keep running.
Even when no one answers my voice, when I pass right through the people walking on the street.
Even when the sun comes down harshly on me, as my breathing becomes ragged and I have to slow down.
There is no one who would answer me here, no one has any color in this place. I can't hear anything. The absolute lack of sounds just makes me run faster, faster, through the streets, through the people.
"Professor! Professor, where are you?! Can you hear me?!"
Panting again, I slow down where I stand, hunching over and grasping my knees, feeling the sweat run down my chin. As I take in air, I hear a small chime. Then, a louder noise. The rumbling of an engine, followed by that awful noise when the exhaust sends lots of smoke out. Looking up, there was a large bus on the street in front of me.
Coming my way. Speeding up. Getting closer. And closer, and-
"H-Hyaaa! A-Ah… Ah?" Opening my eyes, I see people seated on the bus as they pass me.
After a moment, the bus goes its way down the street, other cars also rushing through the asphalt, through me as well.
Blinking through it all, panting and feeling my heart about to leap out of my mouth, my feet drag themselves back to the houses. People come and go, some talking, others hurrying through the lights before it turns red. Yet, everybody passes right through me, not even hearing me.
Like a small shadow, always stepped on, never acknowledged.
Sitting down, I bury my face in my arms. Taking many repeated deep breaths does little to calm myself. Where am I? How did I get here? Why does nobody see me? I was… I was just trying to help Takeru-san…
"Hic… W-Where am I? P-Professor… please, help me…"
How am I getting back to the base? Am I dreaming? Or, maybe, did I get lost like Takeru-san's mind was going to? What if… all that's left of me is this, just my consciousness and no physical body? What am I gonna do?
I won't be able to come back.
If I can't even talk to people… maybe I could use objects to communicate, as if I were one of those urban legends the Professor told me about. But would that even work? I would have to find the Professor, and I don't even know where to look. Maybe she would appear in that building that's in the place of the base, since it should be a school…
But what do I do in the meantime? Will I get hungry? Do I have to sleep? How much time do I have left?
"Hic… Sniff… Professor, what happened to me?"
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?!" My head bolts upwards, I find a small pair of eyes staring back at me. A young boy with a blue shirt looks at me, tilting his head.
"Are you alright? Did you get hurt?" An equally small hand reaches out, as if offering me a handshake.
"N-No, I'm fine. I, uh… You can see me?"
"Hmm? Yeah. Why?"
"I, well, no one seemed to even see me, to listen to me…" Slowly, I stand up by accepting his hand.
"I see. But, are you hurt?" He asks, tilting his head again.
"No, I'm fine, thank you." Dusting off my clothes, I then sigh and join my hands.
Looking at him, the boy is even smaller than me. His light brown hair is made a mess, all swirly and knotted on its own. He has a few things on his person, however. A small pink cat with very long fur on one shoulder, an aquamarine tuna on the other that seems to be opening its mouth to talk non-stop. A brown dragon with a pair of glasses clings to his right arm as it makes a rather displeased expression, a dark dragon to his left one with both eyes closed and its head flopped limply on the boy's arm. Atop his head, two small bunnies lay comfortably as if they were small loafs of bread. One has much black fur, but its face and tail are white. The other is the opposite, most of its fur is a pristine white except for a few dots on its face and the tail, which are dark. Walking by his side, two small puppies were looking up at me. One with a sharp shape to its fur, which seemed to shine proudly in blue, the other with more careful waves to its hair, which took a dark purple tint. And clinging to the boy's back, another small kitty, with strong red hair and a small yellow tie as decoration, meowed at me as it climbed into my sight.
…How odd. Something tells me animals shouldn't have these kind of colors to their furs. Also, I am certain dragons are already extinct.
"Are you alright?" The boy asks, furrowing his brows at my silence.
"Ah, yes. Um, why do you have so many pets with you?"
"Because I like them. And they're not pets, they're my friends!" He says, puffing his cheeks and pointing a finger at me. The white rabbit that was on his head thumps and opens it mouth, hissing at me.
Taking a step back, I look away. "Sorry."
"It's okay. So, are you really fine?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Uh, do you know where we are now? I was… trying to find someone."
The boy purses his lips, folding his arms, the dragon with glasses hissing in complain as it has to shift its posture to not fall. "…I think I recognize these streets, but I don't really know where this is."
"I see…" Of course, he's just a child. He probably doesn't even know anything other than the streets near his house, just as I don't know anything beyond the base's perimeter.
"Are you lost, miss?"
"No, well, maybe. As I said I am… looking for someone." I look at him, and I can detect his aura. A small glimmer of yellow and orange, positivism and happiness, energy and drive.
Why can I sense him just fine and why does the rest of the people ignore my presence? Looking around, I see someone coming down the street, a few young people chatting it seems. Stepping towards them, they don't stop walking as I approach. Standing still in the middle of their path, I close my eyes. Taking a deep breath, joining my hands, licking my lips.
When I open my eyes once more, the people were now walking on their way. They, too, passed right through me. Why?
"What are you doing?" The boy asks, arms folded as he raises a brow at me.
"I was… trying to make them notice me. Uh, can you talk with the people that are here?"
"Why would I?"
"Uh, because… I don't know. Why did you talk to me?"
"Because you looked sad, like you were hurt."
"I see… Thanks. So, um…"
"Yes?"
"Where are you going with those… friends?"
"I'm going back home."
"Oh, I see. Is it nearby?" Maybe I could stay with him while I try to see what is going on here, at least I have someone to talk to.
"Well… I don't know," he then looks down, lips cascading downwards as he kicks a paper that was left on the street. The white rabbit again looks at me and hisses.
"Are you lost, then?"
"I think. I was trying to go back home, but I don't know how to get there. So," he looks up, gesturing upwards with both hands open, "I started walking and walking, but I can't find the right way. Then, I saw you sitting there all alone and called out to you."
"I see. Well, I am lost as well, so I suppose that puts us in the same predicament."
"Predi… What does that mean?"
"Uh… It's another way to say conun… No, problem would be better."
"Ah, yeah. That's right," He nods twice, understanding the simpler term. "Oh, I know!" He suddenly shouts, making fists as his eyes blaze up.
"What is it?"
"How about we look together? Then, if we walk together, maybe we can find the person you're looking for and you can see if we pass through the same streets twice," He says, taking a step closer and smiling.
That smile… Wait, the color of his eyes and hair… the color of his aura…
"Um… Thank you for offering. Let's look together then."
"Yay! Thanks a lot!"
"No, it's nothing… So, uh, my name is Kasumi Yashiro, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," I then smile his way, offering my hand. "Who would you be?"
The boy then grabs my hand, shaking it with much vigor, causing me to slowly lean forward, my forearm and shoulder moving along as he shakes my hand over and over. All the while, the intense yellow climbs over me like a vine, like fire spreading over oil as his shiny gaze looks into mine.
And with a bright smile that could rival the incoming sunshine, he nods at me. "I'm Takeru Shirogane. Let's be friends, Kasumi-san!"