"What are you doing here?" Elliot's voice drifted towards me as I entered the squad room two days after that conversation with Abby, and I paused in the doorway, turning so that I was facing him.
"What's it to you?" I asked in reply. "This isn't your squad room; I can come here whenever the hell I want. Back off."
"You're telling me to back off? After that stunt you just pulled?" Elliot glanced up from his paperwork and shook his head in my direction. "You know, I'm actually surprised you're taking this on by yourself."
"I'm not," I told him, "I've got three other people working with me, two, if you want to get technical."
"How the hell do you expect to nail this guy with a bunch of misfits from Baltimore who probably don't know Manhattan from Staten Island?" he asked.
"How the hell do I expect to get anything done working with someone like you?" I asked in reply. He gave me a look.
"You've got all your files," he said, "You've got all the evidence, because none of it has been coming over here. What could you possibly want now?"
"You know, I didn't even come to talk to you," I said. "I came to talk to Fin. You have any idea where he is?"
"Why should I tell you? Not like you really give a damn, anyways, leaving us hanging the way you did."
"Why should I work with people who don't know anything about the first round of cases?" I asked, my patience starting to wear thin. "It hardly makes any sense for me to do that when I can work with people who where there when this first came along."
"It hardly makes any sense for you to bring two cops from another department up here when you know damn well our unit can handle it," Elliot retorted. "Are we just not good enough for you anymore?"
"If you have to ask me that, then you're obviously not as secure with yourself as you think you are," I replied. "Now, are you going to tell me where the hell Fin is, or not?"
"He's out," Elliot told me shortly. "Left about an hour ago with Olivia; they went to a crime scene. I don't know when they'll be back."
He turned back to his paperwork then, and didn't continue, a sure sign that I was to leave, but as I turned to do so, his voice came drifting towards me again.
"You know you're only doing this just so the rest of us won't ever have to find out how much of a failure you really are." I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him again, scowling.
"You're one to talk about being a failure," I retorted. "You couldn't even manage to keep a twenty-year marriage together."
"Since when do you have any room to talk about that? What's Rowan to you, anyway, another number?"
"That's for me to know, and you to find out. The way you're going, I'm surprised you haven't managed to prove the department right...half of them think you're this close to losing it."
"You're really starting to piss me off, Munch."
"Doesn't really take a lot nowadays, does it? But really, I'm surprised you haven't gone off the deep end yet. Think it'll happen anytime soon?"
It probably wasn't a good idea to antagonize him the way I was doing, but I was beyond caring anymore. He was still sitting; I was back in the squad room door again, and neither of us were moving. He looked up from his paperwork again, glaring in my direction.
"Go to hell," he snapped. "What makes you think I give a damn what the department has to say about me?"
"Well, if you didn't, you wouldn't be getting so defensive, and if anyone needs to go to hell, it's you." I retorted. "I'm surprised Olivia hasn't left you out to dry yet, the way you've been acting lately."
"You leave her out of this."
"No. I'm not going to leave her out of this. You've been an insufferable asshole for what, a year and a half now? It's starting to piss everyone off."
"Not as much as you just did. You really think replacing us with Baltimore cops is going to do you any good?"
"It will if it means I don't have to work with the likes of you for a while. You'd probably end up getting the whole damn case thrown out."
"Like you did?" Elliot's tone was icy; he looked as if he were halfway to getting up and coming to hit me, but I remained where I was and he continued. "What exactly did you do that got this case thrown out down there?"
"None of your damn business. Why do you care, anyway? This isn't your case, it never was, and it never will be."
"This is too personal for you. You know as well as any of us do that the only reason you're doing this is so you can make up for your screw-ups."
"I'm doing this to take a criminal off the streets." My voice was shaking by this point, and it was all I could do to keep from yelling at him. "You think what you want to. I know what I'm doing."
"Could have fooled me," came the reply. "If you knew what you were doing, this guy wouldn't have gotten off the first time around."
If Kay's hand hadn't landed on my shoulder right at that moment, I had no doubts that I'd have gone over there and hit him. As it was, Kay had followed me into the precinct when I hadn't come out as soon as I'd promised I'd would, and had showed up just in time to hear this last part of the argument. Before I could speak or even move, she did.
"If you knew what we did about this case, you wouldn't sleep for a month." she said. "You'd be driving yourself up the wall trying to find something, anything, to help you break the case, to the point where you'd come that close to eating your gun."
I figured then as the last word left her mouth that I should have known she would have been in the squad room the night Abby took my gun from me and drove off into the storm to take it to headquarters. As it was, I wasn't surprised that Abby had told her about it; if she could trust anyone on the first shift other than me, it was definitely Kay. Elliot glanced in her direction, smirking as he let the pen he was holding fall onto his desk.
"You're telling me that idiot over there almost killed himself over this?" he asked, motioning to me. Kay glared at him.
"If you had six kids dead, no leads and an entire city clamoring for answers, you'd think about it, too." she shot back. "You should know as well as we do the sort of effect cases like these have on people."
Silence fell. To be honest, I was surprised that Kay had even said anything, considering the fact that she and Elliot knew next to nothing about each other, save for the fact that she was a Baltimore cop and he a New York one.
"How would you know?" Elliot demanded of her finally. "You've never been in a unit like this."
"And you think Homicide is so much different?" Kay shot back. "More than half of our victims are children. They might not have been abused or tortured, or anything else, but they're still kids."
"Nice to see you Baltimore cops have a heart," Elliot said dryly, and Kay scowled.
"You know, I always thought it was impossible to be a cop without a heart," she said icily, "But I think you've just managed to prove me wrong."
"You've got a lot of nerve walking into a squad room that isn't even yours and talking to me that way."
I moved to fire off a sarcastic retort to this, but Kay shook her head in disgust, still scowling.
"He's not worth it, Munch," she said, turning on her heel to leave. "Let's just go." She started walking; I shot Elliot an annoyed look and followed her a few seconds later.
"You want me to go back there an hit him for you?" I asked as we walked out of the precinct and into the cold. Kay glanced at me and shook her head.
"He's an ass," she told me. "I really don't see how you can stand to put up with him."
"I don't," I said. "His partner does, but right now, she's putting up with my partner because I'm working with you." I paused for a moment and then continued. "Sorry you had to see that."
"The hell are you apologizing to me for?" she asked. "If anyone should be apologizing, it's that idiot in there."
I sighed, glancing at her as we walked. "He's usually not that annoying," I said. "He probably still hasn't gotten over being taken off of this case."
"That's no reason to say things like that to you," Kay muttered acidly. "I've got half a mind to walk back there and tell him off."
"I wouldn't, if I were you," I said. "The rate he's going, he'd probably end up hitting you."
"What's to say I wouldn't hit him back?" I looked at her, then, to see if she was serious, but she looked about ready to laugh, so I shook my head, biting my lip to keep from doing so myself.
"I have no doubts that you would," I said, "I'm just telling you it's not a good idea to go back there."
The cell phone residing in my pocket went off then and I froze. Kay stopped in her tracks and turned to look at me as I drew it out and flipped it open, accidentally putting it on a speakerphone setting.
"I was wondering whether or not I'd get an answer." Suddenly it seemed as if the entire city had melted away, and it was only me, Kay and the one talking to us via the phone.
"How did you get this number?" I demanded, and on the other side of the line, Brandon Collins laughed.
"That's for me to know and you to find out, Detective," came the reply. "All I'll tell you right now is that you won't be able to find out exactly where I am."
"You're calling from a pay phone," said Kay, more of a question than a statement, and suddenly Collins' attention was on her.
"You're smarter than I thought you were, Detective Howard," he said. "Of course I'm calling from a pay phone. I'm having too much fun to let you find me now."
"You call this fun?" I asked acidly, before Kay could say anything else. "Tell me something, Collins; what kind of man does it take to kill an innocent child?"
"Not all children are innocent, Detective Munch, you of all people should know that," Collins replied. "Chances are, the ones I've done away with were, but we'll never know that for sure, now, will we?"
"No," Kay said slowly, "We won't. But I have a question for you, Collins, why are you calling us?"
"Why?" There was silence. I wondered for a moment whether or not he'd hung up, but then he continued. "For the same reason you're looking for me."
"We're looking for you because you're a sick, perverted bastard who gets off on murdering little girls," I retorted, "You can hardly say that's the reason why you're calling us."
"You're right, Detective," said Collins, "I can't, but I can tell you that in taking the first New York case as a primary, you've entered into my little game, and you will play by my rules or worse things will come."
"They can't possibly get any worse than they already are," Kay snapped. "What the hell are you playing at?"
"I am playing at nothing," Collins answered. "This is all part of the game. I'm sure you all have received the results on the clue I left you at the last scene?"
"Your prints aren't in the New York system, Collins, they mean nothing," I said. "If you think giving us the runaround like this is going to get you off any easier..."
"Oh, I wouldn't expect it." said Collins. "In fact, I'm expecting the worst that could possibly come to me, which, I'm assuming, is to be the death penalty."
"Of course it is," I muttered sarcastically,"You don't really think this city isn't going to want blood, do you?"
"No, I rather expected that it would," said Collins, "But I have something to tell you that I think might be of utter importance, Detectives, so it would be wise of you to listen."
"Spit it out, then," said Kay. Her tone was impatient, and I knew she was close to losing her temper. Collins must have known it too, but he chose to ignore it.
"I would suggest that from now on, the two of you watch your backs during every waking moment. And I would advise that you tell this to Detective Bayliss and ASA Williams as well." he said. "The stakes in this little game of ours, as I'm sure you already know, have risen. I would hate to see something happen to you. Or, for that matter, Detective Munch, to a member of your family."
There was a click, and then the tone that tells you that your phone's been off the hook for too long. I flipped the cell phone closed and stowed it back in my pocket before turning to look at Kay. Her face was pale. She looked as if she were about to be sick right there in the middle of the sidewalk, but miraculously, she wasn't. Instead she reached out and grabbed my hand in order to keep her balance, and we started to walk again.
"Where are Tim and Abby?" I asked her. "Did you leave them back at the hotel?" She nodded.
"We should..." She swallowed nervously as she faltered, and then continued. "We should tell them what Collins just told us. They'll need to know."
She was right. They would need to know. Instead of crossing the street like we were going to do, we continued on our forward path, towards the hotel that the three of them were staying at. She paused right outside the door, and turned to face me.
"You need to go home, now," she said. "Try not to fight me on it, either, huh? Collins just as good as told us something was going to happen."
A nearby figure watching us caught our attention; Kay stared at him until he looked away and walked into the hotel, presumably because he was staying there, but she still looked suspicious as she continued.
"I'll tell Tim and Abby what we just heard," she said, "And no, I won't leave anything out. I'll tell them everything."
"You sure you're going to be able to handle that by yourself?" I asked skeptically. "You look like you're about ready to be sick."
"I'm fine," Kay insisted, starting to push me back into the direction we'd just come in. "I just don't like being threatened like that. No one does. I'll get over it."
I wasn't too sure that she would, but I didn't see any point in arguing with her over it, so I bid her goodbye and turned to walk back towards the precinct, where I'd left my car. When I got there, I fished my keys out of my pocket, got in and headed towards home.
Thankfully, when I got there, the front door was locked. I had never been more relieved about having to pull my keys out of my pocket to get in than I was right then. I hadn't really realized the implications of Collins' statement until Kay had pointed it out in front of the hotel, but now that I did, I was glad that she'd made me come home. The lights were all off, except for one in the kitchen; I walked in and there was Rowan, bent over a number of worksheets that had more than likely been handed in that day.
"You'd think you could leave those for a day or two." I remarked. She dropped her pen, and as it went clattering to the floor, she turned to face me.
"I wish you wouldn't do that," she said mildly, glancing at her watch. "You're home early."
I looked at my own watch then, and saw that she was right; it was only 7:15. The sky was only just starting to darken. I'd been gone all day, but had only gone to the precinct once; the rest of the day was spent around the city, looking for something to help us break this case. Glancing back at Rowan, I pulled out a chair and sat across from her, sighing.
"We couldn't find anything, not that there's really anything to find," I replied. "Figured I might as well come back here."
"Oh." Rowan bent down to retrieve her fallen pen, then looked at the worksheets she still had left to grade and sighed. "Rose called today."
"Yeah? What'd she have to tell you this time?" I asked slowly, unsure of where she was going with this.
"Nothing, really," came the reply, "She just wanted to know how you and Abby are holding up."
"Let me guess," I said dryly, "You told her that neither of us have been sleeping lately."
"As much as I was tempted to, I didn't," said Rowan, "I told her you were holding up fine, but I don't think she believed me."
"It's in her nature to be suspicious," I replied, trying not to laugh. "Abby and I give her the same excuse all the time."
"Well, you shouldn't," Rowan told me, feigning annoyance. "She was really worked up about it. Told me if she didn't hear from either one of you soon, she was going to come up here."
"I wouldn't put it past her," I said. "I told Abby to call her sometime soon; hopefully she'll actually listen to me for once." Rowan laughed.
"I don't see that happening anytime soon." She sighed and leaned back in her seat, glancing down at the papers spread out over the table. "I'm starting to think I should just give up on this."
"You know, it's not exactly a requirement for you to have these papers back to your students the day after you get them," I said mildly.
"Yeah, I know, but it's easier to just get it out of the way so I don't have to keep worrying about it."
At that moment, I found myself wishing that my job was as 'easy' as hers was; that is to say, easy enough that I could do something and not ever have to worry about it again. As it was, my job was a lot more complicated than hers. I glanced towards the window as rain started to fall, for what seemed like the millionth time since this had all began and sighed.
"Is there anyone you might be able to go and stay with when the weekend comes?" I asked. Rowan glanced at me with raised eyebrows, frowning slightly.
"What for?" she asked.
"Just because," I said vaguely. She gave me a look.
"That's not a good enough answer," she said, "What aren't you telling me?"
What wasn't I telling her? More than she wanted to know. I looked back towards the window, and she pushed at my foot under the table.
"Hey," she said, "Don't clam up on me now, what's going on? You wouldn't be asking me that if there wasn't a reason."
"We got a call today, Kay and I," I replied, somewhat reluctantly. "Our suspect…he got hold of my cell phone number somehow."
"Oh, my God." Rowan's pen fell to the floor again, but she made no moves to retrieve it; rather, she stared at me for a long while before going on. "What all….what all did he say?"
"Empty threats, or so I'd like to think," I replied. "I just…I need to know that there's somewhere you can go if whatever this guy was getting at turns out like I think it will."
"And what exactly do you think it'll turn out like?" Rowan asked. "For God's sake, John, you can't just expect me to leave in the middle of the school year."
"If it means the difference between you ending up alive or dead, then yes, I can, and I will." I said. "This guy…he plays mind games, but sooner or later he ends up doing what he says he's going to do, and he as good as told Kay and me that something might happen to you."
"This is why you were asking me about the door and the window the other night, isn't it?" Rowan demanded. "Why didn't you just tell me then?"
"I didn't know then," I said. She cast an exasperated look in my direction, shaking her head.
"So, what else is there that I don't know about, huh?" she asked. "Is there something going on that I should know about?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked. "I just told you everything I know so far."
I hated having to lie to her about this, but I'd already told her more than enough as it was. I had the feeling that Collins knew more about her than he was letting on and if that was the case, I didn't want him knowing any more than he already did.
"There's something going on between you and Kay, isn't there?" I dropped the file that I'd just stated going through at this question and stared across the table in disbelief.
"I can't believe you just asked me that," I said. "You know there isn't anything going on between me and Kay…"
"Do I?" Rowan shot back. "Because I gotta tell you, it sure seems like you two are spending a hell of a lot of time together lately."
"We're working a red-ball case, for God's sake, of course we are!" I exclaimed. "Don't tell me you actually think I'm sleeping with her."
"Well, you know something, for all I know, you might be," Rowan muttered acidly, bending down to retrieve her pen a second time and going back to the worksheets in front of her. "You haven't really been telling me much of anything lately, how the hell am I supposed to know what's going on?"
"There's a reason why I'm not telling you anything," I told her, "If this guy thinks you know anything about these cases, he might…" I trailed off there, not wanting to say it, or even think about it. Then again, I didn't really have a choice, and so I went on. "He might kill you."
"What the hell would he want to kill me for?" Rowan asked sarcastically, "I'm not the one who's after him."
"Do you think he cares?" I demanded, staring at her incredulously. "Five murders have taken place in the past month or so, Rowan. Five. This guy does not give a damn who he kills, he said as much the first time this happened."
"He has no reason to come after me," she started, but I cut her off, frustration evident in my voice.
"He has every reason to come after you," I said. "If he doesn't do it to get himself off, he'll do it to get to me because he knows that any cop's biggest weakness is his family."
Silence fell after this, and Rowan didn't answer. I looked at my watch. It was now exactly eight o'clock. Forty-five minutes had passed since I'd gotten home, and suddenly, I no longer wanted to be there, but at the same time, I didn't want to leave.
"If you're just going to sit there staring at me like that, I'll take this with me back to the school." said Rowan. She looked up from her task at hand and glared at me. "I mean it."
"I never said you didn't," I replied. I rose to my feet and walked out into the living room. Thunder cracked loudly as I did, and I found myself thinking that a thunderstorm was the last thing any of us needed. Then again, a storm like the one that was starting to fall over the city would more than likely prevent another murder, so I was, in a way, quite thankful for it. The sound of pen on paper drifted in from the kitchen, but I ignored it, until it disappeared and I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"What do you want now?" I asked sarcastically, without turning around. "Come to ask me if I'm screwing Abby, too?"
"I'd like to think I know you a little better than that," Rowan replied mildly. I turned to face her, scowling.
"Obviously, you don't, if you really think I would do that to you," I retorted. "What the hell was that, anyway? I have never, in all the time that I've known Kay, ever once thought about her like that."
"I know," said Rowan, "I know. I just...God, you almost kill me one night, the next, you're not even home, and then I don't see you until now? What am I supposed to think?"
"You're supposed to trust me," I muttered, turning back to look out the window again. "I thought you did."
"I do." Rowan moved so that she was standing beside me and touched my face, gently forcing me to turn so that I was looking at her again. "I just wish you'd talk to me."
"You want to know what happened that night," I said, more of a question than the statement it sounded like. "Why I almost..." I'd figured I wouldn't be able to finish the second half of what I was trying to say, so why I'd even bothered to start was beyond me.
"Only if you want to tell me," Rowan said, moving her hand so that she could take one of mine in both of hers. "You don't want to talk about it, then don't."
And suddenly, Abby's remark from a few nights ago was pushed to the front of mine. Talk to someone, she'd said. She'd meant it, for once, and now...now I had a chance to do so, right in front of me and I was suddenly reluctant to do it.
"Rowan, I..." I sighed, then, for some reason unable to look her in the eye, so I looked out the window a third time. The storm was still going. Lightning flashed, illuminating the living room as it did, and I continued. "I've been...I've been having nightmares. About the case. Ever since it started."
"Oh, my God," she said, for the second time that night. "Is that what happened? Why didn't you say anything?"
I found the question ridiculous, even if I didn't say so. Why hadn't I said anything? The answer was simple enough: I was an adult, and therefore less likely to admit that nightmares were bothering me. I told her as much and she sighed, squeezing my hand as we stood there.
"You're not the only one who has nightmares," she told me quietly. "I just...I wish you would have said something sooner. I don't like seeing you like this and knowing there isn't anything I can do to help you."
That was certainly a first. I'd had more than enough relationships in my life, and I'd been a cop for longer than I cared to think about. And in all that time, I had never once gotten the impression that any one of the women that I'd ever been with really gave a damn about things like that, but this time...this time it was different.
"I know that," I said, "I really do, but I...it's hard for me to talk about. And if...if I've been hurting you because of that, I'm sorry, I don't mean to, but I can't..." I trailed off there, startled to find that I was unable to continue on, but Rowan didn't seem to care, and for that, I was thankful. Silence fell between us and lingered; after a while, she spoke.
"You don't have to," she said. "But if you need to..." She trailed off as well, and squeezed my hand again. Neither of us spoke for a long while after that; rather, we stood there, watching the storm as it raged above us.
And as we did, I couldn't help but think that she'd never given me an answer to the question that had started all of this in the first place...I still didn't know if there was somewhere she could go if things started getting too dangerous for her to stay in the city. That alone scared me more than the thought of there being another murder sometime soon. I decided, however, that I would press the issue again later on, when more information came along...if any more information came along. For now, I was content to just stand there watching the world around me, with Rowan standing there next to me, her head on my shoulder, and my hand clasped in hers.
The power went out, and I jumped, startled by the sudden darkness. Lightning flashed and illuminated the living room again; I glanced towards Rowan, only to find that she was still watching the storm again. I moved to slide an arm around her waist, drawing her closer to me; she leaned back so that her head was resting on my chest and looked up at me.
"You all right?" she asked, and I nodded, mutely, for some reason not trusting myself to say anything more than I already had. We stood there in silence again after the last word left her mouth because of it, but I didn't really care, one way or the other.
What I did care about, however, was figuring out what the next move in this so-called 'game' was going to be.