Author's Note: Okay, I really hate the weekends because I can never get online but I really try to make up for it by posting a lot during the week. Thank you guys so much for the reviews. I have so many more things planned for this story, and I am so excited that Tom and Jude's chemistry is sparking flames. Oh, man Friday's episode left me in need of a cold shower (lol). I can't wait for this Friday. So here goes for the next couple of chapters, and as for what's to come—we still have to find out Tommy's other dark secrets and what happens when Spied and Tom become partners in a venture, Are Tom's feelings for Jude as deep as hers are for him, and will Kwest….okay going to leave you hanging there. You guys are so fantastic! I bow down to your reviews. Hope you enjoy what comes next. Smiles. Please R&R. Angel.
I felt drained—almost as if every drop of water in my body had dissipated, leaving me a dry husk of nothing. I still felt him there rubbing my hair as if the constant movement would also erase the anger, the frustration, and the loss. "This," I thought to myself as I mentally pointed to my own chest in irritation, "Is my life." I could never do any thing simple. Why is that? I mean, what's so wrong with simple? I turned this thought over and over in my head as I felt Tom shift subtly beneath me, and I knew that things had changed between us. We had become so much more than producer and artist over the past year, but I also knew that he had secrets—secrets that could collapse that fragile bond we had finally started to develop, and I was afraid of them. When had he become my reason for needing to be in Toronto at G Majors studio? Was it on tour? Or was it that first moment that I had turned around and scoffed at the idea of having a former boy bander handling my music? Would I ever even know? Probably not.
"You mean a lot to me Tom." I said suddenly, feeling Tom tense at the words as he pushed himself up further against the back of the couch. He sighed as he picked up the t.v. remote and turned down the volume.
"You mean a lot to me too, Jude." He said haltingly as I took a deep breath and braced myself for my next words.
"No, I mean, you…I spend a lot of time thinking about you, Tom. Maybe, way too much time, I don't know. I just know that it has become like a huge obstacle in my brain. I shove at it and shove at it, and the only thing it does is grow bigger until I find myself pouring it out into my music and my diaries hoping that it will relieve the pressure, but nothing seems to cure the ailment." I said quietly as I felt Tom become rigid behind me.
"Jude…" He growled, grabbing my chin with his hand before lifting my head up to meet with his bent one until our lips were smashed together—melded like iron—and my blood became like molten lava as he deepened the kiss to a degree of intensity that, if I didn't know better, made steam lift off our bodies in waves. I gripped his arms roughly because I needed to feel him, because I just couldn't seem to get enough.
"Jude, are you feeling better yet?" A voice asked from near the hallway, and I practically shot to the other end of the couch like a bullet as Tom and I looked incredulously at each other—shock emanating from every pore of our being as our chests rose and fell in similar harsh cadences. Where the hell had that kiss come from? Shit! I placed my fingers unconsciously on my lips almost as if I were afraid the sensation would disappear as Sadie suddenly materialized drowsily behind the sofa.
"Jude?" She asked again as her eyes suddenly widened before looking between Tom and I suspiciously. I couldn't speak. Oh, God I needed to speak right now—needed to say anything for God's sake just as long as I didn't say the one thing that came foremost to my mind because that would just blow everything all to hell.
"I'm fine." I finally gasped as Sadie lowered her head with narrowed eyes.
"Are you sure? You can always come sleep with me like we did when we were kids." Sadie said softly as I almost choked at her choice of words.'Sleep with' was just not something I needed to hear right now so I just shook my head mutely—grabbing for the blanket and pulling it up over my chest self-consciously almost as if the thin barrier were some kind of emotional armor. Tom fidgeted a moment before looking first at Sadie and then at me with an understanding expression before standing up and moving to the back of the room.
"I think it's time for me to head back up to my room. If you need anything, just let me know. We'll need to be at the studio early tomorrow." Tom said softly before turning on his heel and jogging casually up the stairs—giving us both a good look at the hard muscles in his back and calves. The flash of his bare feet caught my eye, and I sighed in frustration. There's something about a barefoot person that really makes you go soft in the heart—maybe because it's a sign of letting go, of taking it easy, of just plain vulnerability. Or maybe it's just something metaphysical? Who knows?
"Do you need anything else, Jude?" Sadie asked shortly from beside me, and I looked up hurriedly to realize that she had moved from behind the couch to the place where Tom had been sitting earlier. I let my face go blank as I looked up at her. What was wrong with me? What kind of sister was I to find myself daydreaming about a guy that I knew Sadie had already been with? I just shook my head at both myself and I at her.
"Really I'm fine, Sadie." I said with a shrug as I let myself look over at the clock above Tom's T.V.—1:00 a.m.—ohhhhh, so much longer to go until morning. The couch dipped down subtly as Sadie sat down beside me, and I almost screamed into the blanket I had pulled up to my chin when I saw her expression. I was so not in the mood for one of Sadie's deep, spiritual type talks.
"Don't Sades." I said softly as I pulled my knees back up to my chest slowly. "Please." I finished imploringly as she just looked at me a moment forlornly before leaning over to pull the rubber band out of my hair so that she could pull on a strand of one of the soft tendrils meaningfully.
"You don't have to worry about me lecturing you, Jude. Truth be told, I wouldn't know where to start even if I did. I'm…uh… just a little confused here, Jude. I feel like I've just walked into a very important moment, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I love you. I do. I…just. He's married." She said in despair as I looked over at her just as sadly.
"I know." I said as we both leaned heavily into the fabric of the sofa with a sigh. One quick look at each other and we suddenly burst out laughing.
"Men!" We said together before both turning to look up at the stairs deep in thought. She was right. What did it matter about the little moments we shared together. He was married—no, excuse me—legally separated. Ugghhhhh! I grabbed a pillow off the end of the couch and pressed my face into it before screaming with all my might. Boy that felt damn good. Handing it to Sadie, I grinned cheekily at her shocked expression.
"Your turn." I said as she suddenly grinned back at me before grabbing the flimsy couch decoration—screaming into it just as loudly as I had done before.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" I asked on a chuckle as she nodded before standing up and throwing it at my head.
"It does actually. Maybe I can go get some real sleep now." She said with a slight laugh, and I quirked a brow at her as I caught the pillow in mid-air before it struck me in the forehead.
"Good night, Sadie." I said softly as she turned to walk back toward the hallway.
"You too, Jude." She replied back just as quietly before disappearing into the shadows beyond. Oh, how much I hated that I couldn't forget him—how much he intervened in all the relationships in my life, first with Spied and now with Sadie. I really needed….I don't know what I needed. Staring at the bottom of the stairs, I stood up slowly, gasping at the slight pain in my stomach as I walked barefoot across the floor to the bottom of the railing. What was I doing? Looking up the winding monstrosity, I took one step upward before closing my eyes, shaking my head, and then stepping back down again. Not a smart idea, Harrison. I had just turned to head back over to the couch when I made the mistake of looking up, and there he was—leaning against the balcony looking just as torn as I did almost as if he had tried to walk down those same stairs as many times as I was fighting to keep from walking up. We smiled at each other a moment before both of us turned and walked in opposite directions. I winced as I heard his bedroom door close above me. It just wasn't the right time. But when would be?