Chapter 89:
Cracks in the Masquerade
December 5th, 07:25 PM.
(PX.)
[Meiya]
"That was not my fault." Ayamine says, lowering her brows.
"Yes, it was. I asked you to not advance so much," I insist with a sigh. "How can I cover your advance should you choose to insist on not communicating your patterns?"
"I told you to move one breath faster, to not remove your feet from the pedal," she counters, taking a spoonful to her lips.
I look down to my own plate, letting the synth scent of the broth fill me, the chatter in the PX claim my ears. Try as I might, I do not believe this rift will be mended easily thus it is in the squad's interest for me to desist on this front. So I resume my dinner, ignoring the small gazes Yoroi steals at me.
"Sigh… Look Ayamine, if we are to work as an element you have to stay near my position," Sakaki repines, tapping her glasses. "You already know I can't move as fast as you do."
"I'm trying to actually beat our enemies. Hiding all the time won't do us good," she retorts as her nose tightens slightly, before going back to her dinner.
"Loath I am to admit my agreement, Sakaki. While I welcome the idea to shuffle our positions, it is clear you're not yet ready to take the role of a vanguard," I offer, trying to defuse the situation.
"Mitsurugi, that's not the issue here," she tenses her lips, closing her eyes as circles are drawn once again. "Regardless of my position, Ayamine's tendency to advance carelessly could compromise a mission. She won't always have someone like you or Shirogane to accompany her. Furthermore, our performance in the morning training proves we need adaptability. This new method in the night trainings is my idea to allow us to reach said aptitude faster," she states with a slow nod, slowly cutting a slice of pork and giving it small bites as she looks back.
"I merely do not see the merits of such an approach. Why place us in positions where we will not work at our full capacity?" I fold my arms, as I cannot fathom what she's trying to achieve. Besides keeping myself and Ayamine away from the same element, that is. I admit my folly, and I have kept quiet during the run to not burden my comrades any further yet if Sakaki decides to implement this routine as our nightly course then, I have my doubts whether this will truly be beneficial at all.
"Did you ask yourself how good your covering fire was, Mitsurugi?" Sakaki says as she leans back and slides another piece of pork into her lips.
"What? You know I am not a good a sniper as Tamase. Obvious it was my performance in the position you placed me in would be subpar."
"What is it? You're adept at criticizing me and Shirogane-kun, why can't you say that you failed in your task openly?" She asks, raising a brow, a cup to her lips.
"Mmgh… It is true that I did not fulfill my role today, but that is because you placed me in a position I am not comfortable with." What is wrong with her? I had thought Sakaki did not wish to invigorate the tensions I foolhardily created… It seems I was mistaken.
"A-All of us had some trouble in the training since we tried out new positions, is all," Tamase braves, barely lifting both voice, gaze and posture, as hesitant as the hand that brings a small dose of rice to her lips.
"Yes, that is true. And how would you rate my performance as a vanguard, Mitsurugi?" Sakaki then asks, yet again beginning to make circles in the air as she rests her glass on the table. So… I cannot read her intent as of now, I believed her to be still upset towards my person.
"Atrociously terribad," Ayamine answers with a smirk while I was trying to find the right words to avoid further embers.
I can practically feel my breath turning cold at the sight of Sakaki scowling at the one sitting to my left. Her lips seem to contort, swallowing a retort and the venom of a snake that still slithers in her gaze. Tamase, who is sitting to her right, sighs heavily when she sees our leader calm down. I merely shook my head.
"Ayamine… What exactly do you mean?" Sakaki says, eyes still narrowed.
"Ask Special-kun, I just think the word sounds funny. And you were awful, worst partner I've ever fought with."
"…Precisely. And that's why we'll continue to use this formation from now on. This was my idea to aid us surpass our temporary setback, even if I agree with the points Shirogane-kun raised earlier today." she declares while tapping her glasses, then returns to emptying her plate.
If she admits her own shortcoming, why continue down this path? It is unlike her, when Sakaki voices her own failings she usually back downs from her plans, even if that only happened rarely. I fold my arms, deliberating within myself for a moment at how to approach her.
"…Sakaki, forgive me for insisting, but I do not see what good this will do. If you also have seen none of us benefited from this training, I think it best that we return to our usual formation."
"No, that will only make everything worse. We need adaptability if we ever wish to catch up to the training. Please remember that you, me, and Shirogane-kun need the score to reach graduation," she answers, despite her voice being calm it's apparent in how her chin and eyes contract that she is troubled, angered perhaps, at our results so far. "At this rate, we will take many months to get up to skill if we remain stuck in this level of the course. So we need to begin by polishing our individual abilities before anything. After all, he is right. This lacking display will not be enough once we become commissioned."
"Hard disagree," Ayamine counters in her usual emotion lacking tone. "We would benefit more from letting everyone do what they do best for now."
"I agree with Ayamine. I am to be a vanguard, considering my aptitude, so while I can only agree in further polishing our skills I see no reason for you to place me as a Blast Guard." One of Sakaki's brows twitches, she then sighs shortly. "I believe every one of us has a role we excel at. I am of the opinion that we should return to what was working best for us, with you in the middle as our leader. And… I shan't spawn any further debates. My veneer won't bend twice, you have my word," I nod her way, never blinking, never breaking eye contact.
"Sigh… I just told you, we can't keep going like this," Sakaki says, practically sighing the words out as she lowers her arms to the table. What has afflicted her to such lengths? Could she be dejected with herself at the issues we suffered through since the mock battle?
"Chizuru-san, no one is blaming you for this slump we are now in. You do not need to shoulder it all on your own," Yoroi requests, wincing slightly, idling the cup she was drinking from.
"Sadly, the leader has to take responsibility for it's team. So, it's up to me to find a new way to take us out of this lock."
"You're only digging the hole."
"Ayamine, must you?" I stare, she shrugs, so I sigh and see Sakaki's gaze lost in her soup, not even wishing to retort.
Ayamine also seems to notice it, growing a bit stiff. If Sakaki is again holding the words in, retreating within herself… this will end up in the same way our prior trainings before Takeru arrived. I… What can I do to help without undermining Sakaki's role as our leader? I do think she is mistaken, but if I keep pushing that fact… her confidence might crumble. She is taking this harder than the rest after all. And I have not been in my best behavior to point fingers to anyone at the moment, much less since they are trying to not exclude me as well.
"Um…" Tamase's interjection is barely more than a whisper, she switches her gaze from us to her plate in indecision for a moment. "Maybe we could… leave the swapped positions for when we clear all the standard courses? If we keep falling back on the trainings, the Instructor will continue to increase the sim run's difficulty, right? We do need to make up the days we lost, and you three also need the grades, so we should do our best in the one area each of us excels at, in my opinion."
"So much that," Ayamine nods as she points a finger to Tamase. "We need one good result. We can't keep screwing up for so long."
"…And that's why I'm telling you all, we should first get used to shuffling around the battlefield." Sakaki tightens a fist, dispelling anger's roots from the soil of her words. "The Instructor won't give us the luxury of two identical battles or a detailed skirmish plan once we shift back to mock battles, going by how today went. Care to guess what's going to happen if we start to drag our feet again?" She inquires, tapping her glasses, seeking our gazes. We all lowered our eyes, remembering the earlier training.
I can only sigh and bring some water to my lips to cleanse the dryness, the harshness which didn't leave me after the training. I had thought I could fight toe to toe against Takeru, but as it turns out he had been holding back. Even leaving my uncouth behavior aside, I was no match for him once he began to employ those erratic, eccentric patterns. A novice I still am, yet I believed myself more capable after trading blows with Tsukuyomi. All I truly desire as of now, besides mending my relation with you, is growing strong enough… to stand by your side, Takeru. To understand what it is you see, what drives you forward, and how it is our teachings developed into such savage maneuvers under your hands.
Which is why I agreed to try Sakaki's suggestion for this nightly training, as a way to clear away these clogging chains on my hands, these doubts that threaten to take hold of me once again in my frustrations. I cannot believe he still isn't available, even if to only extend an apology. It also serves as proof I do not wish to hamper the squadron's unity any longer, and I did try earnestly to support both her and Ayamine from the position I was assigned to.
"Sakaki, I truly agree on your wish," I say, nodding. She seems to relax her gaze and lips. "I do know we need much training to reach a level of aptitude which will please the Instructor. Yet, I believe Tamase speaks the truth. We, as a team and individuals, need to gain our first victory. We need to see positive results, since… well, our first mock battle was not particularly positive for us."
"Sigh… I know that already. But we won't see different results if we stick to the same trainings forever," her brows narrow, she quickly grabs the last slice of pork and mixes it with one small mound of rice, bringing it all to her lips.
"We won't prove ourselves if we keep failing, though," Ayamine retorts as she leaned back on her seat, finishing her drink.
"Ayamine-san, please don't say that," Tamase scolds, her tone rising from that whisper despite the downcast posture not faltering. "We all are in this together. So… maybe we could keep trying for a few days?"
"Tamase, we do not have the luxury of time," I sigh as she looks down immediately, as if that was all it took to have her silenced. "Surely you also weren't comfortable as a Rush Guard?"
"Well… I guess."
"It's as if Miki-san was missing a wing as she flied. Speaking of, I think this tale of a bird is-" Yoroi commented, despite having being silent most of the time.
"Yoroi, this is not the time for your ramblings." I cut her off, before she worsens the mood.
"Eh? But I was just-"
"Please, read the mood. You shouldn't speak up now."
"…Why not? I can't talk now?"
My mouth was left agape as Yoroi returned my gaze intensely. I looked at her, Yoroi was to my right so it was clear to me. Her brows furrowed and lips pursed, she reminds me of those lynxes I saw in books. It is rare to see her… No, scratch that, I have never seen her hold her ground to speak up.
Despite a slight shaking in her shoulders, she returns my gaze firmly. "I think all of you are misunderstanding Chizuru-san here. Meiya-san, Kei-san, you tend to move forward without considering that we might not reach your side to cover you."
"That is… As the vanguard it is our duty to-"
"Do you think those excuses will convince the Instructor?" She narrows her brows, my words clog my throat for a moment.
"…I am not making excuses. It is our role to take the frontlines."
"Yes, that's true. But you can't simply rush away and put yourselves in danger. Didn't you learn anything from what Takeru has always told us? You know, cancel and back-dash?"
Ah… She does have a point. Takeru would also have reminded me of that… if I hadn't been so obstinate towards my fellow. Yet, he would have covered us… No, I cannot think in this way. I cannot solely rely on him. Even more after what Mion and Shion told me, what Tsukuyomi disclosed as well. Despite how late it is, it seems he hasn't yet been released from his special mission as I was not allowed to visit his cell. Moreover, I cannot allow myself to become co-dependent on him, I desire… to be a pillar of support, to mend my mistakes. Sigh… I suppose, being more agreeable to the squad as a whole would also work in my favor to rebuild the trust I eroded.
"So you're saying this method will bring boons to all of us somehow?"
She smiles, giving a small nod. "Yeah. You saw how Chizuru-san was acting when trying to be a vanguard, right? So now you know how frustrating it is as a Blast Guard to have the vanguard rush ahead without a care."
"Wait, are you saying… I cannot believe I did not see it." It all makes sense now.
Sakaki is trying to have us see our own shortcomings by placing us in other positions. Me and Ayamine tend to move too far ahead, it is true. So, if we are placed in the read and are forced to keep up with the vanguard while having to cover their advance, we will learn how detrimental it is to the team as a whole for the frontliners to never take a pause to retreat, even if from our position it seems as if we were making the right call.
The same applies for Tamase. She tends to get down easily and is not odd for her to downplay her contributions. So by displacing her in the formation and having someone else be the sniper, we can show Tamase how truly vital her marksmanship is for us, perhaps more by placing her in the frontlines. So that is what this was about… Polishing our vision individually, both to sharpen our habits from the training course and to allow us to take different roles on the fly if the situation so demands, to then allow us to bring better results for the team as a whole.
"I see… I was so focused on my own role that I failed to see the bigger picture."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
I explain to Ayamine what I just realized, allowing Sakaki to sigh and recover a faint smile, relaxation coming as she finishes her drink.
"That's exactly what I was trying to do. But telling you beforehand would have been counterproductive, so I chose to keep that to myself, to let you figure it out on your own through the trainings," she nods, again making circles in the air.
This time, however, she seems to catch herself and stops said finger, furrowing her brows at that for some reason. Why would she be bothered by the gesture?
"…You could have told us, though," Ayamine glares at Sakaki in mild acidity, leaning into the table.
"It wouldn't have done much. I think it's better to let us reach our own answers through experience," Sakaki shrugs, expression remains loose and undisturbed as the night sky.
"I agree with Sakaki in this. Now that this has been cleared up, I suppose we could continue this method for a few days."
"Kei-san, maybe you should be the Blast Guard tomorrow," Yoroi smiles and chuckles at her, making Tamase giggle at Ayamine's flinch and purse of her lips.
"…God no. Anything but that, my sniping sucks."
"Use the chance to improve. You never know what might happen in the field, after all," I nod in agreement with Sakaki's words, Ayamine groans as she leaves her mouth slightly open.
"I know we all have sore spots but… let's try a bit harder tomorrow to make up for the time we got stumped!" Yoroi says, a smile on her face. "Well, I'm gonna hit the library now, do any of you wanna come?"
"Oh, I was wanting to go there too," Tamase then finish what little was in her plate, causing her cheeks to balloon beyond limits, causing her to hastily seek her glass to aid the gulping process.
Sakaki sighs as she pats her back, which allows Tamase to return to normal. "Be more careful, there's no need to rush. I'll pass on the reading though," she says, tapping her glasses, a hand running around her neck, "I need a good night's rest today."
"I think I'll join in the reading, if we're gonna keep shuffling positions in the night runs," Ayamine nods, making eye contact with Sakaki for a second.
"Meiya-san, um," Yoroi's hands rustle together, her eyes veer away as her elbows rustle closer to her person, "would you be liking to join us in the library?"
My throat constricts for but a moment, a small shiver runs down my spine. Barely managing to restrain a frown from raising to my face, I merely shake my head, look away.
…I know it is futile to repine on the matter, but it is truly uncomfortable to hear you being formal all of a sudden. I suppose, it is my just dessert for my attitude of late. Sigh…
"No, I'm going for my usual run and then I'll sleep early as well."
"Oh, I see. Well, see you guys tomorrow then!" Yoroi smiles at us as she grabs her tray, nodding as she departs to the counter.
Tamase also says her good nights to us as she follows behind. Sakaki covers her mouth, hiding the yawn that she allows to escape. After rubbing her eyes, she also stands and grabs her tray and, followed by Ayamine, also went to return her tray. I gave a nod to them as they left, choosing to take my time to finish my meal and not disturb the obvious motives behind the synchronized departure.
Savoring the food on my tongue, slowly breathing in, I ponder what Mion and Shion told me, what my trainings are producing, and what comes from tomorrow. Should I give him some space today, leave my apology for tomorrow? On the contrary, is a mere apology worth anything at this point? I should endeavor to show him clear support first instead of simple words. The same extends to the rest of the squad, that have tried to remain composed and welcoming during our training and dinner despite my prior words and actions.
Still… I wonder, how are you faring as of now? Burdened with more assignments, lacking any free time at all, unable to take a breather, to come outside if you so desired. Despite our arguments over semantics of late, the fight earlier today… Was that how you dispatched of the chasers? Not an ounce of hesitation, overflowing hostility. When we spar, usually there is tension to his features but the brazen spirit has never denoted wrath as his voice portrayed earlier today.
…Perhaps, the gaps in his memories are causing him pain? Tsukuyomi warned me not to mention anything, but I suppose that, if he was close to Mother, to see our Empire fall, to return and learn of our grim situation is not doing Takeru any favors. And here I am, adding further pressure to his shoulders.
I drink some juice to clean my palate, then grab a tissue and wipe my lips. Letting a small amount of air out, it feels as if a shower had washed away what weighted down on my shoulders. All things considered, it is good to see we can now discuss openly without reaching a dead point. I had feared Sakaki and Ayamine would begin arguing, but it is reliving to see that is a problem of the past, even if they still bicker from time to time. I do have to give Sakaki her due credit, I never would have thought of such a training. In any case, now it is my obligation to mend my relation with Takeru, so that we can all once more progress as a team.
After all, above everything else, I do have an oath to fulfill… For if that park still remains standing among the ruins, then I must also endeavor to bring my ideals into practice. I am blessed to no longer being caged, to have a fellow guard-in-training near me. I can only hope you can spare me another chance, Takeru.
"Oh, I didn't think you would be here."
"Hm? Oh, 1st Lt. Takamura. Good evening." I salute her and she returns the gesture as she sits down in front of me, leaving her tray onto the table. "Were you occupied until now? The night training ended quite a while ago."
"No, nothing of the sort. It's just that, since my current task is close to completion, I need to review a few reports before retiring for the day, is all," she compacts her shoulders, sighing shortly as she slowly begins to eat.
"I see…" That, too, is a duty we must prepare to tackle in due time.
"By the by, did something happen today? It was rather odd you all would choose to alter your formation for today's run," she asks, staring.
"Oh, it is nothing. Sakaki merely believed it was for the better to allow us to see the battlefield from another position, to give us all more awareness once we return to our intended placements."
"Hmm… Quite an astute plan, I say. It is good to see you're truly making the most of your time as cadets," she smiles, nodding as she pierces two slices of pork atop one another, slowly munching them.
"Thank you, ma'am."
"It's nothing, really. It is nice to see you're all this determined in your trainings, is all. At first I feared to be perhaps too harsh on you all, however I am impressed by your results," she nods, again slicing the synth pork in tiny pieces.
"…Ma'am, may I ask why are you using a fork?"
"Hm?" She tilts her head, still munching. Eyes widen momentarily, she drinks slowly for a moment to then clear her throat. "Oh, force of habit, I suppose. I was stationed in Yukon Base beforehand, so it has been a reflex to ask for forks and knives to eat my meals."
"I see…" So she, too, was stationed at Yukon, huh. Is that the reason why she has been watching over Takeru's training from time to time and he aids her- Wait, that's right! If she's here, then he should be already free for the night. "1st. Lieutenant, if it isn't much bother, could you tell me how Takeru has been faring as of late?" I would not like to intrude on what little free time he has, after all.
"Shirogane?" Her expression darkens ever so slightly, eyes falling to the plate, lips compressing for a second. "I haven't had the chance to see the cadet since a few days back, due to my duties not requiring his presence at the moment."
"Is that so?"
"If I may… Has he been giving you any trouble?"
"Eh? No, on the contrary, I have… been rather tactless towards him lately."
"I see…" She resumes her eating, we share a moment of silence as the scent of her synth food reaches me, as the noise in the PX dies down. "I assume, he has remained composed thus far?"
"Yes, of course. Please, do not think badly of him. Takeru wasn't-"
"Worry not, I do not entirely believe the rumors I've heard," she waves a hand, shaking her hear. Still, not entirely, huh. "I am merely concerned over what he could do, I did see a few soldiers trying to incite a fight with him. Perhaps the same will happen now, and the same could extend to you and the others," she sighs, then looks straight into my own gaze. "Do not let the pressure impair your poise, is all I'll say."
"Yes, ma'am." Sadly… those are words I required earlier today.
I fold my arms, I feel my teeth pressuring my lips from within. I take a sharp breath as I cross one leg over the other. All he has done for me, and yet I once again lashed out as we platicated on the way to the barracks. When I should have expressed my apologies to him. And yet, now that Takamura has confirmed she has not been requiring Takeru's aid, that equals he might still be in the midst of his special missions at the moment. Sigh… Such a blunder on my part…
Still, all in due time. No need to fret over small errors. Me and Takeru will once again share a good relation after I properly make amends. Then, maybe… maybe I could ask him something about Mother… or would that be a secret we cannot disclose? Mmgh… There are so many oddities I'd like to clear regarding your identity, Takeru. For us to become true fellows, to hoist no secrets between us as the partners of the fellowship we are. And…
"It's a beautiful name, is all. I just think it suits you well."
Mmgh… I admit, it is truly frustrating to hear him refuse to use my name for some reason. I do deserve the reticence, yet the reluctance he displays is truly a concern. Takeru didn't show such aversion to my person before the CCSE or during it, so I must have crossed a line. To think it was only a few days ago we were jesting during the Undersecretary's visit, all of us sitting in this same table without the air thickening at all.
…Even if they refused to elaborate on that dirty joke, for some reason. Sigh… How shameful of me, to not have realized what Ayamine's gesture was about, to lose my composure in such way in front of Tsukuyomi. I admit, such vulgarity was unexpected and I am thankful Takeru and Sakaki defused that situation as swiftly as they did. I may lack experience with such jargon, but uttering such vulgar words is nothing but a stain on my person.
…Even more to have imagined it in such detail upon the revelation. I did not think myself such a salacious person, to fall prey to my basest instincts at such simple words. First that odd dream of a mansion during the CCSE, then my daydream in the simulator, and now this. I am grateful to have learned meditation, to keep my hormones at bay. Who knows what manner of shameful behavior I would have displayed in front of him without the proper time to regain my poise? Truly, this is nothing but a stain on my person, to view him with such eyes, to think him in that way.
…As if Takeru would ever try and feed me in such manner, or p-pet my head while doing so, o-or toy with my navel as he licks a stray grain of rice off the side of my lips… m-much less to embrace me and say such words… Or to k-k-kiss me as he did in that dream of the mansion… even less to sully our training grounds, to have us act as beasts. I-I mean, we did seem, well, compatible at one point, I admit. Now that I know he is truly a fellow, that all he said was truthful, I shall relent that… I admire many traits of his, even if our views seem to not be perfectly aligned. And, truth be told, he has been most kind towards my person ever since we met. However, me admiring his skills does not- I don't truly think Takeru…
Would he? Would he truly favor me to such lengths? If he desired to share such a relation with me, the same closeness he had with whoever handed him the Minaru Kamui, which I believe was Mother, does that mean Takeru… would truly one day… embrace me in that same manner and offer a ring to me? Can I… salvage our relation and… aim to earn his respect once more? Were you… all this time… seeing me with those eyes… while I stomped all over your goodwill? Would he wrap me in such kindness, try and share a picnic with me, be content with sharing his time with me? He had always… smiled much whenever we sparred, before I became undeservedly harsh towards him. He did say he found my name beautiful, even allowed me to call him by his.
Perhaps, he noticed the similarities in our style during our bouts? And thus, he has… favored me since then? Takeru has… always looked hurt whenever I grow harsh, averse towards him. Be it when we trained with those small simulators, when we started to put space between us and him, during the CCSE, and these days in our training have been the same… until I crossed a line, until I uttered grave words today. Then, all the more reason for me to ensure this mistake does not make nest. To show Takeru that I am regretting my words, that I am willing to lift this stain and regain his trust. And, if he would still desire it, that I would… w-wouldn't be opposed to-
"Mitsurugi?"
"Y-Yes?!"
"Huh? What's the matter?" Takamura asks as her brows cross, slightly tilting her head.
"No, I was… deeply lost in thought. What it is, 1st Lt?"
"I was merely wishing to ask how are you all faring. You all didn't seem as tense during this evening training, so I suppose you've managed to attain some progress?" She smiles softly, delaying the ascent of the cup to her lips.
"…Well, while we are at an impasse as of now, I believe we are making decent progress."
I spend a moment indulging Takamura's questions, accompanying her on her dinner, while receiving her advice for my squadmates and sharing opinions with her as I also finish my meal.
"…I do think that you should focus on giving Tamase an idea on how important she has been for all of you."
"Yes, I agree. She does need to gain confidence, after all."
And yet… it feels just like back then. While she is trying to not be so obvious in her respect due to her rank, it feels like all those caretakers that were assigned to me back in Sendai. I know Amato meant well, and he was right in that I needed trustworthy people looking over me, yet I would have preferred to remain with Tsukuyomi.
I know it was due to my standing as a political piece, but what wouldn't I have given to be allowed to fight back then. I am sure Takamura also was made to fight despite being younger than me, and yet there I was. And now, she is also speaking with that same respect, just like Tsukuyomi was when we met again. Like everyone else, except Takeru. And Yashiro, even if she dislikes me for some reason.
"I have been faring well," I nod, folding my arms. "Perhaps not to a degree I would be pleased with, but I cannot complain." Not after what my actions have caused to the squad as a whole.
"I see. If you ever need advice, I am always ready to listen. Even Shirogane has consulted with me at times, despite how far ahead you say he seems to be," she again smiles, giving me a small nod.
I return the gesture with a faint bow, she does seem to be far more relaxed than Tsukuyomi is, perhaps because she isn't completely aware of who I am. In any case, I do agree with Takamura's words. Simply following the training courses blindly will do us no good, indeed. Learning from the past, from all that has been harvested thus far and then applying it to our current missions is key for our growth. I do wonder why Takeru refused my words, however. I suppose, he has seen battle already whereas I haven't. And Tsukuyomi was quite flabbergasted at learning he might recall who Mother was… so there is a chance he has recalled unpleasant memories from the invasion, before whatever accident took his memories befell him.
Even if Tsukuyomi warned me to not disclose anything, I do wish to mend my relation with him. As fellows, of course. So… perhaps asking Takamura her opinion on the matter, on how she saw the incident and these semantic disagreements me and Takeru are having could grant me a hint to better approach the situation.
"…1st Lt, if I may ask, you said you were stationed in Yukon before returning to the Empire, right?"
"Eh? Ah… Yes, I was. Why do you ask?" her expression gains sobriety, her shoulders slowly lower as does the fork that was aiming for her mouth. "Did you wish to ask anything about my time there?"
"Yes, if you would be so kind?" I ask, lowering my head, she sighs and nods. "Ahem… Could you perhaps tell me… how the Incident played out from your eyes?"
The sudden appearance of the BETA, having to fight against other humans, then seeing the broadcast where the Americans' foul plan was revealed and moments later executed… And yet, she's still here. Standing proud and working for the Empire from her humble position. I know certain intel will be withheld, but I desire to hear the contrast her words have with his, even if I only gain an immediate refusal.
"Of course, if it is painful you do not need to indulge me," I add with a hasty bow, lips pressing together, as I do not wish my appearance to force her hand.
"…It's alright. I suppose it could be useful, somehow, to your growth. We should speak of it somewhere else, however. Would you like to hear it now or, perhaps, tomorrow?"
"If I am not imposing, I would like to hear it today."
"Well, let me finish my dinner and we'll be on our way."
"No, please do not rush. It is fine," I say, grabbing my own glass to slowly finish my water. She seemed to wish to object, but merely nods to my words. Sigh… "If I may ask, you weren't injured during the fight, were you?"
"Oh, no. I was lucky, one could say," her eyes curve away, her tone dulls and slows down.
I see… Perhaps, she was sent to her TSF immediately while Takeru had to fight head on with the terrorists? No, I am sure he was also lucky to only suffer those scars. If he had been hit on the head or shot at, he could have been killed. Truly, I am blessed to have been given the chance to meet him.
Takamura finishes her dinner rather quickly, despite me insisting that she could take her time while we could discuss other matters. A few odd murmurs tail our steps as we advance to the track field, lingering stares that are repelled by Takamura's own adusted glare over her shoulder. Once we reach the door, a cold gust envelops us as it opens, a shiver from my armpits to the tail end of my toenails. Nobody is here at this hour, so there is no risk of anyone eavesdropping in our conversation. Only us and the clear skyline, the rather humid air of this calm night of December.
Takamura walks over the lines of the track, looking up. I can hear her taking a breath, I do so as well while looking at the stars and the moon, the faint light that upon us falls. That being said…
"It truly is getting colder," I rub my arms a few times over, still feeling the coldness seep through what little openings my uniform gives it. I let the air go and, for now, I cannot see my breath. I know it is a matter of days however.
"Indeed. In Yukon it was somewhere around this temperature all the time. I did miss my Royal Guard uniform back then…" she slowly says, placing her hands on her elbows, embracing tight as she slightly sways, eyes remaining on the sky as her lips slightly purse and twist inwards.
"Is it protective against the cold?"
"Oh, yes. Since it's made of a fine material, I barely felt cold during winter. It is slightly uncomfortable to wear during summer, but I vastly prefer it to the UN's dress."
"I see… So, 1st Lieutenant, I know it is a confidential matter, however-"
"Worry not, I won't divulge anything you shouldn't know. So, what in particular would you like to hear?"
"Where to begin? Oh, I suppose you could start with how the whole attack started. It must have been hard repelling the terrorists if they used both guns and blunt weapons."
"Blunt weapons?" Takamura arches one of her brows, blinking in quick succession yet remaining silent as the wind propels her hair off her shoulder. "Who told you of that?"
"Hm? Takeru told me about his participation in the Incident once."
"Huh? But… The terrorists in Yukon only used machineguns."
"…Eh? That can't be. Takeru told me of that himself, of how he had to fight back during the Incident."
"However, that cannot be true," Takamura affirms, her voice firm and clear as tonight's sky, her eyes looking straight at me. "I was also in the ground when the attack began and they didn't resort to blunt weaponry. That wasn't even mentioned in the briefing, they all stole weapons from a nearby outpost and brought them to Yukon by abusing their jobs in a delivery company. I cannot discard the chance of them making due with objects at hand in the heat of the moment, but I assume you watched the broadcast. The incident was caused by the RLF, and believe me when I said they were more than prepared for their foul plan."
"Is that so? Was Takeru trying to cover the truth, in case I ever mentioned anything?"
"Sigh… It was foolish to divulge such a thing, to be honest," she caresses her hair, her face still stern and tense, the hold over her strands twisting. "Might I ask why you inquired about the matter with him?"
"Well, I once saw his scars, so I grew curious as the rest of us did. Takeru told me he got hit by metal bats and other objects while he tried to protect the people. That's why his back is full of scars, and, well, there's another large marking covering the entirety of a side of his chest." I purse my lips, swallowing harshly and feeling my throat burn, my stomach heavy. The aftertaste is filthy, for me to divulge these matters without consulting him. However, I am certain that Takeru will understand. Takamura was also in Yukon like him, after all.
"…What?" Takamura's eyes remain widened as her posture freezes, and not due to the breeze that still surrounds us. "That's… That's not possible. I cannot deny that, at one point, ammo might have run out, but still, to employ bats and the like? Considering they had taken over parts of the base, I doubt such objects would be nearby."
"Huh? I am not lying, 1st Lieutenant. I saw said scars myself."
"No, however, as I said before, such blunt objects couldn't have been used by the terrorists. If Shirogane was attacked, he would have been shot at or paralyzed with a taser. And in the case he had been struck with a baton repeatedly, considering the progression of the attack… Well, I can understand the small markings you mention in his back, but the large scar in his chest does not add up…"
"…Then, how do you explain his words?" I fold my arms, raising a brow at her.
"I do not know about that, perhaps he simply exercised caution at the time. However, those scars are not from the Yukon Incident at the least, of that you can be certain. More so considering… No, it's nothing."
"Is there something… classified about the matter, ma'am?"
"Not classified per se, perhaps you've already heard of… the motives why cadets were targeted during the incident?"
"Hmm… No, I do not know. I do recall hearing the training schools in Yukon were also attacked, but the news were, well… more focused on the lasting damage." And we were all tending to the scars of failing our first CCSE, so we did not particularly spend much time in the PX together or listening to the news.
"I see…" she sighs, embracing her sides strongly. One of her eyes twitches as she looks up to the moon, as she presses a hand into her cheek. "The schools were targeted due to the RLF seeing the young pilots as traitors who looked away from their fellow refugees, so they were targeted as a diversion to separate the forces of the UN. That is why, I believe he might have told you a half truth."
"I… I see…"
…Then, how was he inflicted with such grievous scars? Why was he forced to lie? I thought you… had been serious… No, he was! Those expressions did not betray truthfulness, thus, what does this mean? Takeru is being forced to not reveal the source of those scars, he said it was a military secret that day. However, he didn't seem to be lying back when he told me of how was he inflicted those scars, nor at the CCSE, that night after those soldiers ambushed us.
"1st Lt, is it truly impossible that Takeru could have sustained such scars in the Incident?"
"Yes, I am certain of this. I don't know if we should pry into his life, but I can confirm such scars as the ones you describe would not come from the incident. If Shirogane had found himself at the mercy of the terrorists for long enough to leave so large a gash on chest, he would have been, well, killed by that point," she affirms with a nod and a heavy sigh, erosion coming to both features and posture, finally relenting a shiver to the dancing breeze around us. "The only thing I can think of is…" she grasps her chin, closes her eyes, and hums softly, "no, nothing."
To see her deflect the matter in such hurry, something she cannot disclose is what she was pondering at the moment. The only way to gain injuries to leave such scars… The BETA would have killed him, the terrorists could have clearly struck his head instead of his chest if he was left at their mercy. I haven't been inside a tank but I doubt they sway like a TSF does, so he couldn't have…. A moment, a TSF?
I gulp, my brows tensing downwards as the coldness pikes at my nape, as my breathing becomes a hostage to the pressure in my stomach. Was he… made to pilot? Perhaps, without a suit? Or, maybe, did he do so without permission? In the anger of losing whoever that woman was… in that same adusted impulse he showed in our bout this morning…
"Well, I believe we shouldn't pursue this matter," Takamura asserts, sending a hand to her hair which dances in the air, basking in the moonlight. "Whatever reason he had for covering it up, we shouldn't pry into it."
"However, it is odd. Why would he lie regarding them? Even more, linking them to the attack…" Why is my chest hurting? Because he lied to me? Of course, but that's not all. Why was he hurt in such a way? Why did he… Well, I was horrible with him back then, and have continued to act poorly around Takeru to this very day. Perhaps, I wasn't worth his trust, perhaps he simply tried to appease me and Sakaki with a half truth during the CCSE to prevent silence from festering doubt in our hearts. Yet, this is strange. What is the need to hide the origin of such scars?
"I agree it is odd, but I am sure he must have his reasons. Surely you have had a talk with him regarding his experiences. It is clear Shirogane is burdened by what lies in his past," she whispers as she looks down, holding one of her elbows, walking about the track field.
"…Well, that is true."
"Let's not dredge up this matter. It would only make him hurt more, considering all that the cadet is shouldering at the moment. Well, in any case, would you like to hear of my experiences during that day?"
"Oh, yes. Please do, 1st Lieutenant."
"Ahem… Takamura will suffice, Mitsurugi."
"Truly?"
"Yes, please do not be so stiff. Well then, I'll try to avoid the confidential details as I go, would that be alright?"
"Of course. Thanks again for indulging me," I give her a small bow, she waves and says I shouldn't worry.
For now, I'll let this rest. However, I suppose I should tell Shion and Mion about them. For all I know, they might be a clue to his past. That's right… Perhaps Takeru doesn't even know from where they come from, considering he woke up without any memories. Of course, saying he knows not how was he inflicted such injuries would sound quite suspicious. Then, with all the more reason, I should ask Tsukuyomi to look into this. In that way, I could help him to finally lift one of the mysteries that are veiling his past.
And in any case, I wish to tell him that he… can confide in me, that I do regret my actions and words… and that I would be more elated than any expression I could use to regain his trust, to… perhaps, maybe, be worthy of sharing that closeness, the fellowship he had with who bestowed upon him the Minaru Kamui. I am certain… Mother would approve, that she would desire me to aid Takeru. And I… and I will act as to not dishonor my lineage any longer. After all, I do know how it feels to lose those who you held dearest in your heart. I at least still have Tsukuyomi, and I suppose I can visit the park now that I know it is still standing… but what of him?
However, small steps. For now, I'll focus on learning all I can from Takamura's experiences. And I also must remain composed, to not let my guilt rush my hand, to not fall to… those odd visions again.
A/N: Thank you all for the responses! Really, they helped a lot.
For now, I'll keep at it in smaller doses like this one, limiting myself to one, maybe two points of view per chapter. Flashbacks and the like will go to their separate stories, unless they're required and short, so I hope the small thoughts in italics can work as hints towards the conflict in emotions. As for the stuff that will be cut off, it will be eventually coming even if most things are small, world-building stories or background details on certain characters. I do feel like fleshing out the past bits, it works out better for me in that way even if it can cause issues like those in chapters 69 and 87.
Regarding the claims of plagiarism, Provenance was an inspiration to give me the itch to see how a possible story with Takeru being paired with Yuuhi, the real one, would work. So I guess some similarities were bound to happen. As for this Luv and Hate story, I am afraid to say I am unable to read it. I can't imagine its main character, Captain Steele, as anything other than Estelle from Trails in the Sky because my brain is very dumb and it ruins the story as I can't stop hearing 'WE'RE GOOD TO GO!" whenever the captain is supposed to be talking. I've heard much praise for the story in some Discord servers, but from what I gather the way in which it handles Yuuko's daughter is nothing like what I have planned for my white bnnuy.
And since we're on topic, I know the last bits of Yuuko's possessive strike towards Keru come off as odd. For now, I'll keep on trying my best to make it less jarring with as little flashbacks as necessary. In time, I'll finish the final rewrite and Takeru's interactions with Yuuko will hopefully hint at this better, even without needing to read BLO. I admit it will come across as OOC, Yuuko would never let her feelings get in the way of her work in canon and I know that.
There might be a few more slow chapters like this one but after the current arc ends, all that's left is gas. Once the volcano erupts, there won't be as many slow breaks, I hope, even if no hard mecha action is in every chapter. If my estimations on my current drafts are correct, I'm more or less done with 75% of the story of this saga once the Komoro arc ends. Updates might slow down while I try and write Yuuko in a better way, but I do plan to stick to my idea of finishing this saga in this year or shortly after.
Anyways, this has been a large enough wall of text. Thanks for reading, and again thanks for the honesty. Keep staying safe.
Zuoriel