Assimilating Microsoft
"Microsoft Works" is an oxymoron.
Characters: Captain; Tactical Officer; Executive Officer; Random Starfleet Officer One; Random Starfleet Officer Two; Random Starfleet Officer Three; Borg Voice; Eight of Twelve; Ten of Four; Six of Ten; Random Borg One; Random Borg Two; Random Borg Three; Random Borg Four; Random Borg Five; Borg Queen; Narrator; Computer Voice; Random StarTrek Fan
Narrator: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the Rebel Alliance…oops! Shuffled papers Sorry about that.
Static…
Bad elevator music
Static…
Narrator: Last time on Star Trek Beep! . Our brave and courageous Starfleet crew was facing off with… Drum roll please!
Drum roll.
Narrator: Thank you… the Borg!
Scene cuts to a starship exchanging fire with not one…not two… but three Borg cubes.
Scene cuts again to the inside of the starship. Smoke is floating around and the only lights are the red emergency lights.
Captain: Continue returning fire.
Tactical Officer: Aye Captain
Boom!
Boom!
Boom!
The console of Random Starfleet Officer One explodes.
Random Starfleet Officer One: Ahhhh! dies
Random Starfleet Officer Two starts spraying a Convinently Placed Fire Extinguisher at the console.
Boom!
Boom! people go flying.
Boom!
Borg Voice: Resistance is Futile. You will be assimilated.
Boom! Crash! Explosion
Executive Officer: Captain, if they want to assimilate something, give them something to assimilate.
Captain: The virus?
XO: The virus.
Captain: to Tactical Officer the virus.
TO: Downloading Microsoft virus now.
Silent pause
TO: Download Complete.
Captain: Fire.
Cut to outside sip, where a torpedo shoots from starship to each of the Borg cubes.
One their respective ships Eight of Twelve, Ten of Four and Six of Ten approach and assimilate the torpedos.
Eight of Twelve: Ahh! Dies
Ten of Four: Ahh! Dies
Six of Ten: Ahh! Dies
Borg Voice: Fatal…System…Virus.
Random Borg One: Dies
Random Borg Two: Dies
Random Borg Three: Dies
Narrator: I think we get the idea.
Random Borg Four: Dies
Narrator: You can stop now…
Random Borg Five: Dies
Narrator: STOP!
Cuts to the 'Throne Room of the Borg Queen'
She is watching Borg cube on the screen explode.
Borg Voice: Fatal…System…Virus.
Boom! Explosion
Borg Queen: Dies
Narrator: And that my friends is the way the Borg were really destroyed. The moral—don't buy Microsoft. But wait! What happened to the brave and couragous Starfleet crew? We'll find out after these messages.
Bang! Clank!
Static…
Clank! Clank!
"Aaaaahhhhhhh!"
Thump!
Static…
Narrator: Change of plans. No comercial break.
Cheers!
Cuts to the starship bridge
Captain: Did it work?
XO: Yes it Worked.
TO: Captain. It seems that using the Microsoft virus had an unforseen consequense.
Captain: What?
Computer Voice: Fatal…System…Virus
Cut to corridor where Random Starfleet Officer Three is making repairs.
Explosion.
Random Starfleet Officer Three: Dies
Cut to outside starship.
Explodes.
Narrator: And so the Brave and Couragous crew of the Starship Beep! dies bravely in its battle with the overpowering Borg. Resistance is futil—
Random StarTrek Fan named Briana takes a pipe to Narrator's head.
Clank!
The End
…credits and disclaimer…
Random StarTrek Fan (named Briana): sitting in the starship captain's chair in a StarTrek T-shirt. Now I'm the Captain.