Chapter 91:
To Be or Not To Be
Some moments later.
(B19F, near the Cylinder's Room.)
[Takeru]
Groaning as I roll my shoulders a few times, I let out a yawn while waiting for a door to unlock itself. Red turns to green, a gentle chimes beeps and the door slides open. Resuming my walk towards the office, slowing down a bit, I idle a finger on my fringe.
I wonder how the tuning will go now. Imagine if Binocchio is one of the few folktales we have available here, Sumika might react very badly to that. Kasumi too, for all I know. Still, so long as she reacts somehow, that's enough for me. If Yu- XO Kouzuki sees no acceptable progress, she might try and force me to go back home. As things stand, even if somehow manage to not spur any ripples while going back there, and despite knowing there's little else to do if we cannot successfully heal Sumika's heart, as I am now I'm not certain if I can make it ba-
The sound of echoing footsteps in the distance reaches my ears, snapping me out of dreamland. The shape I see coming towards me is one I didn't expect to see. Rushing straight, cutting the air, I gulp and tense my abs to receive the incoming landing. She grabs onto my arm like a metal drawn to a magnet, falling into my hold with all of her weight.
"H-Hey… Good evening, Sumika," I whisper while patting 00's head, but as usual she doesn't-
"Takeru-chan."
"Huh? Sumika, did you just-"
"Takeru-chan… Takeru-chan… Good evening," she then nods, eyelids fluttering like clumsy butterflies running away from mischievous kitties, slumping her face onto my arm.
And she stays like that… simply leaning on me, using me as a pillow as if planning to sleep on her feet. I stand there, petting her head. She isn't freaking out, what happened here?
"Sigh… Good evening, Takeru-san."
"Oh, hey Kasumi. Say, what's up with Sumika?"
"I don't know," Kasumi shrugs as she comes closer, staring at Sumika. "She was acting as usual while me and the Professor were mentioning the names of the books we had arranged for you to read her, when all of a sudden she got up and dashed out of the room just a moment ago. Is she stable?"
"Yeah, no idea why. She didn't progress at all today?"
"No, the Professor seems a bit mad that it's acting as a computer," Kasumi moves her bunny ears as she slumps a bit, then tries to talk to Sumika but she doesn't acknowledge her. "Sigh… Well, should we go back to her room?"
"Yeah, let's. Come on, Sumika," I whisper, taking a slow first step, "let's go read some books. You know, as we always did by night when we were little?"
One step, she holds me tighter.
Two steps, she groans, her features tighten.
Three, four, she starts to drag her feet, to follow along.
Despite not letting my arm go, Sumika returns to the usual blank, silent state as we walk. Not reacting to Kasumi's attempts at conversation nor to my small jokes, at least it isn't showing signs of anger.
"Um, Takeru-san?"
"What's up?"
"…Are you feeling well?" Kasumi asks, a bit down.
"Yeah? Why, did XO Kouzuki ask you to monitor me or something?"
"No, that is not the case… but you seem to be on your guard against the Professor," she notes, flapping her bunny ears, holding my gaze without blinking.
"What, you wanna explain to her the mess of that inner forest?" I ask, raising a brow, she flinches and looks away. "It can't be helped, is all."
"Is that so," she says, almost without energy, like a fan disconnected from the powerline as it slowly regains stillness. "However, your mind seems rather tired, foggy. Are you truly feeling okay?"
"Yes, don't worry. Also, don't try and look into my mind, Kasumi." Things are already dangerous as is, imagine what would happen if she starts seeing some of that stuff. Same for the time I was in the IRG, it might… make her hate my guts, just as she was when I ran away.
"I am your friend," she insists, getting closer. "I would never treat you so coldly," a groan, a pout, a few consecutive flaps of the ears, she stares as if ready to munch at the air. "Takeru-san, I wouldn't bite you… I'm not a real bunny."
"Ahaha… But for real, stop reading my mind."
"Huh? Ah… S-Sorry, I didn't mean to."
"You didn't notice?" She shakes her head, looking down. "Well, just try not to stare into my thoughts too much, okay?"
"Yes, I will try. But… Takeru-san, why was I rabbit in your mind?"
"I mean, you do look like a bunny…"
"Then, um, who was the white bunny? Do you remember now?"
…
Stopping my steps, turning to face her and petting her head, a bit stronger than usual, simply holding her stare hurts, feeling the lingering tingle being my head circling around like a small ant looking for a leaf to pluck.
"Kasumi, please keep that to yourself."
"Why?"
"Will you do that for me, please?"
"But… But why would you-"
A sudden vicegrip on my arm, huffed groans as if trying to lift an iron beam. "No… No… Don't take him from me…"
"S-Sumika, it's okay," I embrace her, bringing her face to my chest, resting my chin on her hair while petting her back. "It's okay, I'm here… Not going anywhere."
"No, don't leave me… No…" she whispers, tugging at my uniform, squirming her face into it, shivering like an abandoned animal at the mercy of the elements.
Kasumi also begins to extend some kindness towards the 00 Unit, it gradually comes back to stability despite it now not wanting to release me at all. So I sigh and resume my walk as is, Kasumi giving a bow in apology. It doesn't take us long to arrive at the cylinder's room, where the scent of burning fury was barely contained in the walls of the place. Amidst the illusory smoke, one cyclopean creature threatened to unleash unspoken violence upon us the second its unforgiving eyes made contact with-
CHOP!
"Takeru-san, stop exaggerating."
"Hey, I'm not."
"…What is the matter?" She asks, bumping a hand onto her chin as she comes closer, staring at me and nowhere else. "Besides you being almost half an hour late to the tuning, is something else bothering you?"
"Yeah, how on fire you look. Something up?"
A brow twitches, arms fold and she looks away. "We'll speak of it later. Are you ready to begin?"
"Yeah, sure."
Some moments later…
"So then, despite the sadness and insistence of his parents, Issun-Boshi departs from his home. Reaching a river, he skillfully traverses it on a tiny boat made out what Nature bestowed him-"
I continue the telling of the third book, barely getting an acknowledgment besides the grip that does not falter. Barely even blinking, perhaps more out of necessity of the system, Sumika remains still. Well, at least it's not freaking out.
"So as he walks, a certain building catches his attention. A most proper and striking house that-"
"Um, Takeru-san," Kasumi interrupts, huddling closer, "how did Issun-Boshi manage to traverse the city, if he was so tiny?"
"Who knows? I still think he'd have gotten stomped on the way."
I mean, let's be real. How the hell does such a tiny thing even get to steer a boat in a river? Skillfully my ass, there's a limit to bullshitting one's way out of stuff and that's coming from me. Also, if the parent's didn't want him to leave, just stuff him into a jar of jelly or something. What's he gonna do, pout about it?
"Wrong…"
"Eh? Sumika?"
"Very skilled… Attentive to movement…" she says in a monotone, not moving her gaze or posture one bit.
"Well, I guess that's right… Issun-Boshi does end up becoming a great leader in the end of things," I pet her head, there's no reaction again. Sigh…
The rest of the tale went without issue, only her hold over my arm tightened more and more as we reached the end. Posture and expression growing tense, breathing slowing down almost to a halt. Stealing a gaze towards XO Kouzuki I see her endowing a small smirk as she does that repeated little bump with a hand on her chin, eyes sparkling away. Looks like someone sure is enjoying herself over there… Oh?
Immediately sobered up the second we cross gazes? C'mon, I don't bite. Sigh… She returns a nod, gesturing for me to keep it up. Leaving the book on the pile nearby meets a strengthening of the grip, barely allowing me to stretch to grab one of the few books that remain.
"Don't leave…" she whispers, hands beginning to shake.
"It's okay, Sumika. I'm just grabbing another book to read. See? Oh?" The letters and image in the cover immediately sink in my mind, recognizing the ink painting of a woman with long black hair dressed in a red cloth with the moonlight as her cloak. "Kaguya, huh? You wanna read this one, Sumika?" She stalls a reaction, but the mere gesture of dropping the book causes further tension to rain down into my arm. Sigh…
"Takeru-san, do you not like the book?" Kasumi asks, tilting her head as she stares at the thing while I scuttle back to Sumika's side.
"It's not that, I just think it's rather sad," I shrug, sighing a bit.
"Really? What is it about?" She edges closer, waiting, looking expectantly, firmly into the book, then at me.
So I start my telling, how Princess Kaguya demanded legendary treasures from her consorts in an attempt to not get married. Against all odds, the demands are met one after the other. But when the requests dry up, as Kaguya had found a person she was truly in love with, she is fated to return to the moon. Leaving a potion back to her beloved, the man burns in amidst his suffering since for him an eternal life means nothing if he cannot spend it with her.
"…And then?" Kasumi asks with bated breath, both hands joined.
"That's it."
"Huh? W-What do you mean? That cannot be the end," she affirms with a strong flap of her bunny ears.
"But it is. Sucks, doesn't it?" Her face falls, a pout raises. "But the real sad part is not what you might think at first. Wanna try and guess why?" I ask, nodding.
"Hmm… If it's not that the man didn't find his feelings returned, I do not know what it might be. Is it that Kaguya realizes how important she was for him after she's on the moon?"
"Well, that might be the case, but-"
"Read… between the lines…" Sumika whispers, nodding to herself. Lips pursing as if tasting Meiya's cooking, eyes narrowing as if about to unleash a DMP. "Kaguya was… making a vow. The man didn't… didn't… understand her message… A-And-"
"Very good, Sumika," fiddling with her hair, I rest her head on my shoulder. The premature signs of anger are buried, even if her breathing does not chill. "You have a very good memory, don't you? Do you remember why Kaguya left the potion?"
"She… She was," her eyes close, slightly shivering as if under the rain her hands claw at me, strongly so, "trying to tell him she'd wait forever, no matter how long… how long… U-Ugh, agh-"
"Yeah, a vow of unconditional love," massaging her hair in circles, I rest onto her as well, closing the book to better support her weight. "That's what Kaguya tried to convey, but failed to be understood. The man was too sad to notice, too lost in the grief of the moment. That's why it's a really sad tale, right?"
"…Yes." She nods, sighing.
…She just acknowledged my words! We had a conversation! Sure, Sumika still looks like a statue but this is great progress for a first day. It's too early to sing a fanfare but if things keep moving on this rail, we might-
"It's horrible…"
"Huh?"
"Leaving… never meeting… N-No, no, no-"
"Calm down, Sumika. Come on, now. I'm here, there's nothing-"
A piercing scream shatters my closest eardrum, my arm twists backwards in the hold she enforces. The thrashing continues for quite a while, merely holding her convulsing frame as she tugs and pulls at my arm feels as if I were resting on top of a wheel. A wheel that is cosplaying as a hedgehog. A wheel whose true vocation was to be a potato peeler. Legs feel weak, trembling like jelly, as emptiness is left at the pit of my stomach all the way up to my throat when she eventually loses impulse and goes limp in my arms. Just as every time we tried to tune her. And at the very end, after all was said and done.
"…Siiigh. Is… Is she stable enough to make the shift to Safe Mode?" I ask, looking back as I lift Sumika off the ground.
XO Kouzuki nods as she types something real fast in her terminal. "Nothing I hadn't seen yet, as far as readings are concerned. Still, it was another reaction of fear instead of anger. Those only happened thus far when you're around," she notes as she rubs her temple, then her eyes as she avoids the glare of the screen. "It should already be falling into the right protocol, let's connect it to the pod," she orders, walking up to the thing and opening it up. "Yashiro, what was see seeing throughout the session?" She asks as I lay Sumika down in the system, connecting the cables in the right place.
Kasumi's hand shift and shuffle each other, avoiding looking either of us in the eye. "Um… At first, there wasn't anything. But the more we read to her, the more small fragments of memories of her child self I could discern. Takeru-san," she steps closer, helping me fasten the security belts on the pod, "did your father read with you and Sumika-san at times?"
"Hm? Dad? Yeah, at times. Oh, wait a sec, we're talking of this side, right?" She nods, bunny ears flap. "That's a bit weird, then. Dad had his schedule packed, I don't really remember if he had much time to read with us in this world…"
"But I saw him, or someone that looks strikingly similar to you but with black hair," she insists, staring firmly as we finish our duty and the XO starts up the pod's functions.
"Well, I ain't saying it couldn't have happened, but it sure was a rare thing over here. So XO-"
"Yuuko," she cuts, slices, and slashes me in half, quite the narrowed glare she forwards.
"…Fine, whatever. So, your thoughts on this session are?"
"Let's discuss them in the office. You go there and prepare some coffee, I'll take Yashiro to her room."
"Huh? But I still have to-"
"It's already late, and you can prepare a report before going to bed," she insists, giving the bunny a side glance. "Now, let's be on our way. Tomorrow will be a rather busy day, and I need you up early, you'd understand." And without waiting, she turns on her heels and blasts towards the exit.
"Always marching to her own tune… Well, thanks for the support, Kasumi," I pet her head softly, rustling her hair a bit. "Good night, and see you tomorrow."
"Yes… Bye bye," she nods, waving as she moves towards the creepy corridor. Eventually, as I remain waving back, she finally smiles a bit before leaving, gaining some force in her steps.
…Still, we kinda cut it close.
Looking back at the pod, she looks so calm and peaceful. She hasn't had a single berserk attack yet, but the fact that fear is what she feels the most when around me… I guess Yuuko was right in one thing, and that might be the source of the crux Sumika carries in this world. And for her to completely become whole, she will have to face what the real Sumika couldn't compute, the end of Lucifer.
"…I wonder what are your thoughts on that, Yuuko. After all, something doesn't add up here."
Though, can't really blame her when everything just flew over my head, too. I only hope she's willing to be honest from now on. Anyways, to ensure that does come to pass, I better hurry and go prep up the coffee. Yuuko's gonna get cranky if she doesn't have her drink. And I can order dinner while she's gone and is unable to stop me.
Some minutes later.
(Yuuko's Office.)
[Yuuko]
"I'm gonna just sit here and stare at you until you eat it," Takeru affirms as he folds both arms and throws himself quite eagerly onto the sofa.
"I do not recall asking for food. There was no need for you to-"
"Keep the tough act up and I'm gonna sing the parody song instead," he smirks, for some reason.
"…Parody of what?"
"…Don't tell me we don't have Weird Al in this timeline."
"Who?"
"An American singer that makes parody songs of other popular songs. Eat It is a parody of Beat It, you know, the hit from Mike Hackson."
"Haven't heard of either, sadly," I shrug as I start to spin, resting my head on the cushioning.
"…This timeline fucking sucks. Anyways, yeah, could you eat something at the least? Bet you haven' had any-"
"Oh, fine, fine," I roll my eyes, spinning back to the desk, huddling closer to it and grabbing my fork and knife. "In any case, the data procured during this tuning session was satisfactory. It yielded better readings than my testings during the day, and elicited another fear-based reaction." Munching on the meat, pairing it with some small spoonful of rice, I take my time to savor it all before drinking from the coffee Takeru brewed. "Hmm… I'll say, you truly chose the most fitting curry for this one coffee. Good job, Takeru."
He scratches his ear, looking up. "It's nothing, I just knew you preferred it that way, is all."
"Still, it's appreciated." Even if I don't know how you guessed the new password of my safe. Maybe I followed the same principles from another me, thus it was easy to predict? "As I was saying," I clear my throat, delaying the raise of the spoon, "the fact that the 00 Unit reacted somehow to the books is enough proof for me. We'll continue with this method for a few days, adjusting our estimations as we go."
"Sigh… Good to know," he says, resting his arms on his thighs as if leaving a flower upon a casket. Slow and modest breaths he takes, leaving his lips closed, his eyes on the floor.
After taking another bite of the curry and sip of the burning coffee, I again cough to regain his attention. "So, I assume you already finished your papers to present tomorrow?"
"Yeah, they're all in your inbox in case you wanna review 'em. And no, there's no eccentric words in any of them, I triple checked," he nods much, holding my gaze.
"Good enough, I'll trust you on that then. Now Takeru, I have been meaning to ask something. I know it might be hard to gain a definitive answer but, why do you believe Iceberg resolved so differently than Operation 21st?"
Inhaling sharply, looking away, shutting off. "Because the goals of the missions were different," and frosting over his tone, too.
"What do you mean?"
"I wrote that down, didn't I? Iceberg aimed to clear all the bulk of BETA, have the G-Bombs blast them and the monument away to allow a diver corps to rush in, steal the G-Elements, blow up the Reactor, and escape the hell outta there before reinforcements could arrive," he tells, petrifying himself. "To that end, the G-Bombs had to had the biggest effect possible. All the troops sent into the ground that day were nothing but a diversion, what really mattered were the divers. So long as we held the ground and managed to make the BETA spread all over the island, it was all the same," he spits, venom erupting in every word, quite caustic even by my standards.
"So then, the procedure in my mission was not the same and despite that we suffered similar setbacks, huh. Going by your report, there is no feasible way in which we can invade the hive without the XG, right?"
"I mean, you can try. Everyone's gonna die, though."
"Siiigh… I would be liking to obtain the G-Elements during the sortie, if at all possible. Could we do so without many losses?" I lean onto the desk, popping another spoonful into my mouth, enjoying the mild spicing, the soft caress of the heat in the sauce enveloping my lips.
Takeru remains silent for a moment as he looks up, twirling his hair and lips, his legs changing positions a few times before he hunches over. "It would require the mission to last longer, to create a more appropriate diversion for the BETA. Even if they won't use our tactics, the amount of BETA in Sadogashima is more than we can currently handle with the same arrangement of last loop."
"Because of those stragglers that almost surfaced in the mainland, right?"
"Yeah. Even if I manage to pull off the same stunt and kill twenty-something Forts to allow the rest to off the Lasers, there will be more coming at us this time. More Forts, more Lasers, more Tanks. Sure, we have the railgun now but that's a one or two use weapon that we can only recharge by having the XG close by. If the particle cannon cannot fire a third time, there won't be a victory anyways," he states, sober and cold, as both hands go to the back of his head, as he throws himself back onto the sofa and closes his eyes.
"Hmm…" Idling some time as I eat and finish my coffee, the bitter burning igniting lines on my stomach and back, a few fingers slowly grasp my chin. "I suppose, this is why you desire to prevent the coup, so that we have more manpower available?" He nods, without changing his posture in the slightest. "However, if that is the issue you find, I believe we could still get away with having it occur now. All we need is to make up for the numbers with skilled members from the IRG and-"
"Vice Commander," he begins, once more with a scorching and almost crossed glare, "I believe I already expressed my opinions on the matter."
"Yes, I know. Did you know 1st Lt Tsukuyomi wanted to know if I was available to receive a call from Her Purpleness in the short term?" I ask, leaning forward, focusing my sight on his.
His features do not waver, he merely raises a brow. "What, she really insisted on that?"
"Indeed she did. I suppose, the Shogun isn't entirely pleased with our arrangement. This rising animosity might play against us, you know?"
"Don't worry, it won't come to that."
"And you're certain of that because…"
"Because I gave some hints to the Pickles so that they calmed down a bit," he admits, shrugging, loosening his back and falling onto the sofa. "I don't think Yuuhi will chill out in an instant, but there's no way she'd actually try anything against you with me being here. And if you deem it such an obstacle, you can erase me whenever-"
Slamming the desk and frowning, I glare at the silence he extends. "I believe I told you to get used to remaining in this world? What will we do if-"
"Yuuhi knows what she's dealing with, don't worry."
"Hmm… Where did this confidence in her came from, again?"
"From remembering my past? Not like you didn't already know, though."
"Sigh… So, you're still opposed to giving Sagiri a little push? Even if it's in our best interests?"
"If that's what you wanna do, why even ask my opinion? Just do whatever you want and deal with the hell you built for yourself," he shrugs, looking away once more.
"Takeru, could you kindly answer the question? I am asking for your thoughts."
Again, he stares.
Once more, silence extends.
Saying nothing, resting onto a hand as he calms his breathing into a steady rhythm.
"…Even if you predict some of the stuff that will happen," he starts, low, complexion neutral and dull, "you can't expect a nat twenty to always save your skin. While I can see why you wanna do this, to flaunt the new tech in the Takemikazuchis and our other TSFs as the UN saves the day, there's many links that can go wrong."
"Hesitation creates no solutions, Takeru."
"Neither does hastiness," he counters, the embers resurfacing in his crossed eyes. "Furthermore, I already told you this world is far too different to the previous one I looped in. I can guarantee you, the rebels will have way more support here."
"Huh… And can't you do anything about that, Captain? Your Swordbreakers could come to our aid, couldn't they?" I ask with a smile, a slow tilt of my head.
Yet, he doesn't alter his frozen features even a little bit. "I did already warn you about the original coup, did I? Of how this world could be affected by leaks, how anyone with a strong emotion or resolve could be on the receiving end of the flowing data?"
"Yes, you did. Do you believe that scenario will repeat itself, then?" He nods, groaning a bit as he fumes at the floor. "Then, why not take advantage of it? Is it really impossible to-"
"Yes, the balance will be broken if the coup happens," he states, firmly, meeting my eyes in full fire. "So, since we've already gone over this, what is it that you truly want to ask, Vice Co-"
"Yuuko."
"Sigh… So, what is it now?" He asks again, resting on a hand, still blazing.
"Causality isn't fated to repeat itself, it's all a matter of choice, of willpower. We can break through this adverse situation if only we play our cards accordingly. Am I right to assume you recall… most of your memories in this world?" He takes his sweet, sweet time to return a silent nod, to break our gazes apart. "Then, let's get down to business. Assuming I desire your aid in allowing the coup to happen with minimal losses, what would you suggest we do?"
"…You're gonna have to let me go, in that case."
"Huh?"
"I'll return to the IRG and fight from within, to spare you the issues that come with this mess."
"…Pardon me?"
"I said-"
"You are not going anywhere, didn't you hear me before?" Frowning, feeling tension and contraction in the back of my head, I hold his stare without blinking, straining my sight.
"You can't involve yourself any further, Yuuko," he retorts, unaffected and loose, relaxed yet still stoic. "There's already enough trouble you're mixed in, and I told you the world needs you standing strong after all is said and done."
"So you wanna go back to Her Purpleness, huh… What of the 00 Unit?"
"I can finish the tuning after the dust settles."
"What if you suffer an accident?"
"That can happen with me standing on either side, to be honest. And honestly," he then smirks, chuckling a bit as he shrugs, "I might even just accept to talk with Yuuhi next time. She might actually listen to my words, unlike a certain someone who doesn't know when to take a step back," he says, bright, honest, shining as the clear sky.
"…I have power and liberties Her Highness does not enjoy. There is nothing you can achieve with her we cannot trounce together."
"As things stand with my squad, I doubt the coup will proceed smoothly, what with Meiya being affected by a negative leak, and the issues the others might also face. There's also the fact that, if things do repeat themselves, our goal is not to calm down the lines for the CIA to screw Alt IV over but to protect Yuuhi from whatever will try and harm her. So, if I'm by her side-"
"I can forward a warning, using your position here as an excuse, the words Yoroi left me on his last visit," I retaliate, cut the stupidity in twain before he spouts more nonsense.
"Sigh…" Shaking his head, ruffling his hair, his features fall, collapse as he stares at me. Before simply closing his eyes and pinching his nose. "If you're dead set on this path, then do as you like. I ain't gonna change your mind when you get like this, so there's no point in arguing about it. Just keep your end of the deal and I'll finish the tuning."
"Excuse me, we're not done yet," I state, standing up and going to refill my mug, stealing glances at him.
"What? There's no reason to-"
"I can show you proof of your stabilization," I say, leaning closer to him, grabbing his already empty cup, meeting his eye at the same height and gripping onto them, staring down at my own reflection. "Once we neuter the link between timelines, only you, a strengthened Nucleus, will be able to reliably access the shared data between worlds. And in front of the diminished flow, you'll be able to rest well and not fear any more sudden catalysts. So, works for you?"
"That was kind of part of our original deal, though," he barely says, daring to cast a side glance my way. "And I told you, I'm not sure if I wanna stay in this world yet."
"Why? I believe I told you we'd be equals if you pledged your services to me…" I ask, feeling acid welling up within my palms, behind the ears as I fill his cup and move mine away.
"And here you are, not listening to a thing I said before," he rolls his eyes, softly leaning onto the sofa, avoiding my eyes. And hesitating on taking the cup, even.
"Takeru, what is it that you desire? Out with it, state your terms and I'll see what I can do," I affirm, giving one good nod and never looking away. Taking slow sips of my cup, I stare and wait.
A brow twitches, he inhales sharply once again before going for a sip. His face contorts and twists as if he had just heard the 991 alarm or smelled the acidic sulfur stench of the BETA despite the long while he takes to enjoy his drink. "Phew… Why don't you start by stopping with the tripwires, XO?" He asks, frowning, blazing more than the coffee.
"What?"
"Stop calling me by name, you never do that. I dunno what you're playing at, but stop it."
"…I do not recall to have done anything to deserve such pungency from your lips," taking a few steps closer, tapping his collarbone, I hold his gaze, clashing towering dry ice into the searing pitless flames. "What has you saying such things, I wonder?"
"I told you already, treat me seriously. How many more times do I have to ask you that?"
"I am being serious, however. I'm merely treating you with the deference an ally deserves, is all."
"Huh, for real?"
"Yeah, just that." I then smirk, tapping my lips. "But if you're holding such consternation in you, I suppose I could relent and extend you proof of how much I desire you to remain by me, Takeru."
"…You're just messing with me, aren't you?" He sighs, slouching down, deflating and dousing himself, sinking into the sea. Not even a sip of the coffee ignites his spirits or posture back up, despite the superb taste his brew ended up with.
"No, I am not. However, if you doubt me so much, I could give some undeniable proof."
"Like what?"
"Oh, I dunno…" I lean closer, from behind, aiming to whisper to his ear, "maybe, if it would placate your mood, I could wear a santa outfit for you."
"Wh- COUGH!"
Out of air as if he were drowning, Takeru coughs for dear life for a moment. Spitting the coffee onto the carpet, holding his throat and massaging it, his features contort momentarily. And still, his face is now completely flushed. How adorable.
"Wha- What did you just say?!" He asks, standing up and glaring back at me, despite the quiver in his lips, the overall shaky posture of his which wavers more than Yashiro in front of carrots.
"Oh, nothing much," I smile, again tapping my lips. "Just that, if you fancy it, I could give you a… reward, let's call it, and wear a santa costume for you. Would you happen to be into that kind of play, Takeru?"
"Wha… What did- Why are- How even… Hauuuawawawa…"
"Oh dear, are you having a breakdown? How cute of you, fuhuhu."
"What… D-Did you see it?"
"Hmm? See what?" Smirking a bit, I circle closer.
He quickly steps away. "You… saw that memory, didn't you?"
"I dunno, could you be a bit more specific, perhaps?"
"Mmgh… You know, when I, well…"
"When you 'took care' of another me?"
"Ugh, just… Why? Why that night?! And why now?!"
"Who knows? So, that did happen, huh…"
"No, don't lick your lips like that, dammit!"
"Oh, why are you getting so bothered, Takeru? Didn't you desire to be my equal?"
Inhaling sharply again, restoring composure to his features and folding his arms, he holds my gaze. "Look Yuuko, I… Why? Why did you recall that?" He asks, brows almost crossing, lips regressing as he begins to face away from me, as if bracing for a crash landing. Hmm, how odd.
"Well, if you must know, I was rather… concerned while you had your beauty sleep," I shrug, finishing my coffee, resting onto the sofa afterwards. "All these days, the negotiations I've had to tackle weren't particularly pleasant, and while the meeting I held did proceed smoothly, I am not daft. I know what all of them were thinking… Sigh. And as I was reviewing the docs you left me, parts of… what I dreamed about today came back."
The never-ending demands, the sleepless nights, the pressure choking me as it did on my worst nights. My own voice whipping at me, the rejection incoming from every single member of the Council and the HC. The frustration at being so close and yet so far.
And then, a little, frail glimmer of light. An idiot that does not know when to take a no for an answer.
"And I saw parts of… our farewell, when you so desperately asked me for anything to help with. As well as the, ahem, motives of the disgust that came with those echoes," I admit, while going back to my desk and procuring a cloth.
"But… But even then, why would you- Mmfh!" Pressing the cloth onto his lips, cleaning them off stray coffee, my hand slowly rubs at his skin, at his cheek, jawline, descending to the collarbone as the taint spreads over the UN blue of the threads as much as redness claims Takeru's cheeks once again.
"And then, there was also the small present you left me on your first visit," I smile, leaving my hand on his neck, grasping, caressing, leaning closer. "If this echo isn't mistaken… You had proposed to be my support back then?"
"W-Well, yes, but-"
"Would that proposition still stand?" I ask, a fingertip tracing his neck outwards, towards his ear. "Would you consider… remaining by me, permanently, as you swore to do in that world?"
"…Did you remember the meaning behind the poem?" He asks, low, finally returning my gaze without moving away.
"Not yet. But I do wish to regain those memories, if only you would lend me your agreement. Would you?"
"…No."
"Excuse me?"
He takes a step back, then another, and another, and shakes his head while a frown erupts into his complexion, ashes and smoke burning everything about. "I won't. You don't need those memories. If that's what has you insisting so much, then drop the issue."
"Why? I thought you… desired to remain here, to help me and the project," I restore our prior closeness, almost pining him against the wall.
He stands straight, nibbling at his lip. "This and that have nothing to do with each other."
"Oh, yes, they do. It is both a method for me to recall whatever I researched in that world and for you to gain an anchor in this world before we cut the link between worlds. Plus, if it truly would please you…" an arm extends, over his back, his shoulder. He stiffens but doesn't pull away, "I truly wouldn't mind letting you get closer, giving you certain benefits if you continue to produce results."
"…And yet, you don't remember the poem."
"I will, in time. More so if you aid me remember."
"…No, it's pointless," he slowly removes my hand from his person, edging away, towards the door, hugging the wall. "If the feelings are not born naturally, there is no link that can be built."
"Uh, excuse me? I did just dream of that world earlier today, even if only a light echo remains as of now. And yes, I was very concerned over your health, Takeru." Of how could I complete the project on my own, of how things would turn out. He won't hear it from me but… I did fear what would happen if he truly disappeared. And when I saw nothing in the medbay, I almost- No, I outright lost it. The thought of him being gone, just like that… "I do value your presence here. And I desire you to remain here, as I've said multiple times already. Teasing aside, you truly cannot be dissuaded to stay here and aid me recall what was of me in that timeline?"
"Do. You. Remember. The poem?" He deadpans, crossing his arms.
"No, not yet." Getting closer once more, placing a hand over his arm, leaning in until I once again see my reflection in his eyes, a line of bolts running down my back, into my legs, I smile back at him. "Tell me, what do you think would happen if we kissed now?"
"…Huh?"
"I said, what do you think would happen if we kissed now? What kind of memories would I see? Would I dream of them tonight? Would they flash in my mind as we make out? What do you think, Takeru?"
Tension, contortion once more claims his eyes, squinting eyes as he inhales deeply once more. Veiling his sight, returning the indifference of the silence to me he then takes a single step back, compressing his figure onto itself, further tightening his folding arms. "If there are no feelings, then nothing will happen," he answers, dry as the wasteland.
"…And if there were?" Another step forward I take.
Another back he takes, meeting the wall. "…What is it that you want to gain, XO? Are you testing me again? See if I take the bait?" He asks, frowning.
"No. And I told you what I want already," I chuckle, slowly resting a hand on his shoulder, placing myself on the wall by his side, so that he doesn't feel cornered. "I want you to stay, be my vanguard just as you were in that world. I am aware acquiring the agreement from the Shogun will be harsh, equally so to align both of our objectives if you truly do desire to avoid the full brunt of a possible coup… but if you accepted another me in your loops, if closeness is what would sate your spirits-"
He releases himself from me, stepping back, glaring. Gritting his teeth as he taps his brows, as his sight goes odd-eyed. "You shut your mouth."
"Huh? I am-"
"No. Stop, now. There's nothing to be gained through this, XO."
"Yuuko."
"Shut it… Don't you give me this bullshit…"
"I am being completely serious, Takeru. If having intimacy between us is what you'd-"
"You don't get it, do you? You just don't fucking get it," he seethes, barely chained blazes which would soon overtake the dam.
"Then, why don't you enlighten me?" I ask, lower, not breaking eye contact but also not getting closer.
For a second, it was as if a guillotine fell upon his neck. Choking, out of air as his eyes closed tightly, an unnatural jerk and jolt of his chest. Taking half a step forward, the hand I offer is ignored as he gasps for a second, short and shallow breaths.
"…How do you think you felt, being trash talked by the entire UN?"
"Awful, desiring to headbutt a bullet, probably."
"Yeah, exactly. Now tell me," he lifts his face, wiping the dampness that was soaking his eyes, yet the fire still remains, "how do you think the grand and mighty XO Kouzuki ended up allowing me, a fucking cadet, to have sex with her?"
"…Well, I suppose I was… devastated, looking for an escape. If you offered me some intimacy in that time, then perhaps-"
"Heheheheh… Intimacy, you say?" An eye twitches, non-stop. His breathing grows more erratic, the frown enlarges. "Don't fuck with me! You think I'm proud of taking advantage of you?! You think I'm happy of having done you as you were drunken out of your mind, crying non-stop?!"
"…Wait, what? Excuse me, what do-"
"Kindness? Intimacy? You think I'm some white knight or something?! All reason and good intentions went flying off the fucking wall the second you kissed me. And you know what?" He laughs again, holding his face as his footing grows unstable, a hand seeks the wall for support. "I enjoyed it, taking you however I wanted, having you reduced to nothing but a mindless slut."
"…Is that so."
"It felt powerful, to reverse the roles. It was sick, and sticky, and it hurt, but fuck me if I wasn't intoxicated at the time… Seeing you slumped on the floor, slack-jawed, just… surrendering to anything I tried… You shut up when I told you to, you let me bounce you and touch you and who knows what else we did as we drank down the entirety of your safe. It felt good, to own you."
"Huh… I see… So that's what… happened."
He starts hitting the wall, over and over, slowly, so slowly. "But then, the next day came. The news came, everything started to sink in. And…"
"You couldn't forgive yourself? Even when I forced myself on you first?"
"…If that had been all, it would have been a mutual mistake. But I didn't care, I took advantage of you. When you needed help, support, or even a show of affection… All I did was use you as a meatbag. Do you know how it feels, remembering your crying face, seeing you completely defeated? You… were even begging, for fuck's sake. And I didn't care, and just kept fucking you until I forced some answers out of your mouth…"
The tension leaves his features, the crumbled posture does not lift itself. A hand clutches his chest as he tries and regains his breathing, despite how his eyes are still twitching, crossed.
"Those memories… have nothing of value for you. They're only one of your lowest points in your life… where not even the guy who wouldn't have been alive if not for your mercy had any sympathy to spare for you."
"…And yet, you went to look for me in Sendai," I say, finally walking up to him again.
"T-That's… I was guilty, and lost, and confused. That's all, we simply remained working together on a shared goal, that's all."
"…But didn't you want to 'take care of me'?" Looking into his eyes, the scarred and ashen remnant so them flee me again.
"I just did what I thought was best for the future at the time. Just that, nothing too noble."
"Hmm, I see. Then, how do you want me?"
"Wait, what? D-Didn't you hear me?! I-"
Tapping his lips again, I lean closer. "As the XO? As your boss? Or, do you still want something more? Is there any reason you're taking back your words to go through hell for our shared goals?"
"Siiigh… It's going to be the same as with Meiya. If the feelings don't reside in you… then, there's no point."
"Why not try? All it takes is a small peck, nothing more. You already ravaged me once, what's a little-"
"Shut up!"
"H-Huh?"
"You're not just a pair of tits to fuck for me! I don't want to see the Yuuko of that damn Christmas ever again! I… I am not like that, I will not fall in that same pitfall twice." Clutching his face, groaning in pain, wincing, his eyes remain ready to slay. In a way, one could call the stare he's giving me… a draconian one. "Haa… Haa… W-While I will try and remain useful for as long as I'm here, if you're trying to bind me with sex I will have to decline the offer. That Yuuko isn't one I ever wanna see again. You don't need those memories, for real."
"…Then, which Yuuko do you wish to see?" Lightly wrapping my fingers over the hand that claws at his face, removing it softly, smiling at the maelstrom of twitches and contraction which in his face resides, I simply chuckle. "I'm not asking you to rail me into the ground. I simply want to regain the memories of the world in which we worked together. After all…" licking my lips, I grow closer despite the shiver which envelopes him in paralysis again, "you and me already worked side by side before, during the invasion. Won't you let me test it? Just a little kiss?"
He turns away, facing the floor, rushing away from me as if my very being was a source of heat. "You don't need to bribe or test me, so long as you help me I shall remain on your side. So, please, don't salt the wound any more."
"Huh… Who would have said you'd be such a coward, Takeru."
"…You do know that you only ever called me by name during that night, do you?"
"Hm? For real?"
"Sigh… Yes. And," again frowning, circling around the sofas, keeping his distance, his guard up, "if you wouldn't mind, could you get to the actual point?"
"Huh? I am being serious, you know?"
"…Let's say I buy that, that you're saying this for real," he stops, leans on the sofa, glaring my way. "What was stopping you from simply kissing me out of the blue to test your idea?"
"I rather have a real kiss, thank you very much," I shrug, walking back to my desk, sitting down and spinning away, with enough force to make my hair flutter. "I can find anyone to fuck with if it pleases me, but having someone willingly coming onto me… That is rare, many are those who think I'm dangerous. That there's great risk in approaching me, even moreeven more with those intentions."
"And they're fucking right."
"Hmm. Curious choice of words, Takeru," I smirk, he raises a brow before again flushing red. "Fuhuhu."
"Goddammit, not like that. Sigh… Anyways, this isn't what you're really asking me about, is it?"
"Hmm? What has you think so?"
I am being serious, truth be told. I do want him to stay, I need him to stay. Well, maybe not need, but I rather he remains by me. And, honestly, if it does please him… I wouldn't mind giving him some of me. Takeru himself is already dealing with much for me, he's given me plenty of resources and good results. Really, getting sex with him is but another reward for me. More so if it comes with the possibility of unlocking a leak into my person. I admit that, perhaps, I am being rather… pushy on the matter, in wanting his consent, and in calling him by name too. But I…
I don't want him gone ever again. That void, that crushing emptiness I felt as I saw the empty bed, heard the flat-line echoing about, I don't want to endure anything like that again. Not after finding a proper spearhead, someone who doesn't fear my shadow. Not only is he a good influence on Yashiro, everything he has done thus far was to my benefit. Extending some affections his way… is nothing but a small, tiny compromise, if at all.
He scoffs, folding his arms. "Ain't it convenient, all things considered."
"…What are we talking about? If you're asking about why I'm requesting this of you despite wanting you to regain your identity, it's simply because we can keep this a secret between each other. And just that, nothing more."
His eyes narrow, with slow steps he approaches the desk, never lifting his sight off me nor his high guard. "Tell me, Yuuko. Do you think any random guy could have satisfied you back then?"
"Of course not. I have standards, you know. You simply… must have said or done something right, and I was probably a bit drunk." And heartbroken, and devastated, and wanting to die and disappear. Even if for only a minute, to forget it all, to let it all go. To this day, I still toy with the idea. Of how it would be, to give it all up. But now, that might not be necessary. Because I have someone to lean on when the going gets tough.
"But the point is, even if I said something suave, a virgin would in no way have been enough to press your buttons, right?"
"…Are you gloating?" Can't help but to smirk, chuckle at the blush.
"Wh- No! Dammit, Yuuko."
"Then, what's your point? I mean, you did… well, press the buttons, right?"
"Sigh… Yeah. Care to guess why?"
"Hmm… Maybe you're a nympho at heart?"
"What the hell?! I'm being serious here!"
"Well, but other than that I don't- Wait a second… Inherited experiences? Oh, now that makes actual sense," I lean back, spinning again. I see, if he gained some experiences subconsciously, then I suppose that even Takeru could put out a decent enough performance on his first luster. "So, what's the issue with this? We already know you regain your memories as you loop."
"…We know that now. At the time, that was probably the first definitive proof any loops at all were happening," he states, nodding as he sighs, scratching his head. "It was something that was completely out of place, something that made no sense as I thought about it beyond 'Sensei was wasted'. And right now, as things stand for us," regaining his composure, he takes a step closer, as close as he could get to the desk, "there is another little thing that doesn't add up. You wouldn't be testing me again, would you XO Kouzuki?"
"Excuse me? What are we talking about? I am being serious about kissing you, though."
"…Look Yuuko, I've already told you all I could about my life, about my loops, the theories and all. And there is one little thing that makes no sense, that is completely out of place, that doesn't belong no matter how you look at it. And, oh, it just so happens to be something related to you," he fumes, extending an arm upwards in an arc, with quite the drama.
"…Wait, what?"
There is? I mean, I already know who he was before in this world. I know what was of his life thus far, the only thing I don't know is what the hell caused him to fall into rage during the mock battle or why he didn't wake up… which I admit I want to get out of him while we're, ahem, trading affections. But something I should already know, something that doesn't align? Hmm… I concur, I do want to inspect every nook and cranny of his body, see how it reacts to different memories, how the radiation affects his functions… and maybe for other purposes too, if it would alleviate any of the disquiet he now feels, to work as his anchor until the 00 Unit becomes like a functioning human. But even then, that doesn't seem to be what he's hinting at, either.
"This doesn't have anything to do with your little nap, does it?"
"It may, it may not. I already gave you all the pointers I could without demanding a clear answer, could you be honest with me? No teasing or plotting involved?"
"…I'm not plotting anything, I am merely curious about those memories."
"…So you won't even tell me, huh. Whatever, then," he turns around, shrugging.
"Where do you think you're going?" I ask, tapping the desk.
"Back to my cell, because I need to be awake early since you want me to take part in the presentation, remember?" He nods, sighing again.
"Hmm. I don't know what came over you but there's something you should know," I stand, approaching him once more. He doesn't move, but remains with both arms folded, facing away from me. "I am being serious in wanting you to stay by me, Takeru. And I haven't the faintest on what you're speaking at the moment. So, how about we trade? You give me a kiss and tell me what's on your mind, I deal with that for you and grant you-"
A hand cups my chin, he infringes on my personal space. "Yuuko, please don't. I don't know what you're on about, but if you're not really trying to trip me, please stop insisting on this trail."
"…Is that so," I rest onto him, poking his neck. "Why would that be?"
Lips regress, he shakes his head, which then falls along his shoulders and breath. "I just don't wanna get attached, is all. If it's not meant to be, then I rather have nothing instead of void hopes. I already… made that mistake, after the Babylon Disaster. Just… focus on your answer regarding the coup and the eruption, and in seeing what this oddity is about."
"I see… So why can't you tell me right now?" I ask, poking his chin, cheek now.
He leans back, but doesn't flee the touch. "Because, just like the poem, it's better if you figure it out on your own. Until then, let's keep stuff as it has been thus far."
"Well, that's agreeable, I suppose," I nod, arms folding. "Very well, I get it. You may leave, the briefing dock for the presentation should be available in your inbox. We'll go over the details tomorrow morning, so don't make Yashiro wait. After that, we'll see how we handle Her Highness."
"…Roger. Night, XO," he salutes me, with barely no energy left. Slouching his way to the door, posture aimed down, almost limping even.
Just as he looked by the elevator in that echo…
Sliding past the desk, the sofa, I take long, fast steps. "Takeru, one last thing."
"Hm? What do you- Mmmfh!"
Cupping his chin, keeping him in place, the aftertaste of the coffee still mixes and entangles for a second. A second where his lips almost part, where the tip of our tongues briefly greet each other. Before he pushes me away, a hand wiping the faint thread that linked our lips together.
"Sweet dreams, Takeru."
"Wh-Wh-Wh-What did you-"
"Come on, off you go to sleep. I'll tell you if I recalled anything… worth mentioning to you," smirking back at his groans, I chuckle lightly.
"I… I told you…"
"What? Did you really dislike it that- Huh?"
"I told you… I don't wanna remember that, dammit… Kgh…" Grimacing hard, a single tear runs down his cheek.
"H-Hey, are you really-"
"Just… please, don't. Don't give me hope… I… already lost you once, I don't need another reminder of my failures, okay?" He turns around, still shaking. "So don't play with my heart. Because… I know I can't make everyone happy already. Shooting stars… always crash down and burn, after all."
"Shooting- Wait, Takeru, I didn't-"
"I'll be going now, Yuuko. Please, if you're just testing me, stop it."
"Oh, come on! Why are you reacting like this?! What did you even-"
"Because I'm an idiot."
"Huh?"
"Because, deep down, I still… I still love you. That little bump you do on your chin, the sparkly gaze whenever something catches your attention, the impulse you put in everything you do. And I… don't wanna confuse anyone anymore, I wanna solve the ripples for once. Can't do that if I'm trying to link with old memories now, can I?"
"But I am not-"
"Then, would you be mine if I asked?"
"H-Huh? Are you being serious?"
"If you won't take me one hundred percent seriously… then stop. With me, it's either all or nothing. No secret affairs or any bullshit like that. And anyways, we have more urgent matters to take care of, anyways. So, well, um… Later…" Without even looking back, blasting away faster than his jumps, he rushes out of the office.
And all I can do is sit down back on my chair, lick over my lips, hunch over my desk. And feel a cold cloak cover my back slowly, as a similar voice zooms into my ears for a second.
A pledge to choose me over his squadron, any day.
A request to return to Yokohama, to his side.
"I… see… Heh, I've gone fucked it up, huh. Still… I see… So you… So you loved me, Takeru? I see, so that's why. Interesting, very interesting."