For The Love Of A Child
Chapter Six- We All Have Our Reasons
Disclaimer: Everything you don't recognize is mine! This chapter features We Belong Together By: Myra Carry .
"Jonas honey I'm fine!" Lu said to Jonas form her hospital bed. He was sitting in the hard plastic chair beside her bed holding her hand.
"Your lying Luisa. I can always tell when your not telling the truth."
"I'm just tired I didn't get much sleep last night and I'm worried about my patients. Their in Dana's hands until she thinks I can get out of here."
"Can't you discharge your own self?"
"No I can't because Dana's my doctor not me. Sux don't it."
"Yeah but mainly because I have to go on a business trip. And I hate to leave you here but it's mandatory. I can't skip this one."
"Again? Baby you were just on a business trip last month."
"Again , Sweetheart I'm sorry." Just then Dana walked in.
"Hi a Dana!." Lu said in a cheery tone.
"Hi how are you feeling this morning.?" Dana asked although for the truth of it Lu looked even worse than she did the night before.
"A little tired still but fine just the same." Lu gave Dana a genuine smile that said I'm not giving up no matter what.
"Lu do you really want to be in this hospital with strangers and work buddies or do you want to be at home where the maids and personal assistants can take care of you?" Jonas asked trying to get his wife to come home.
"Dana I…" Lu said trying to get Dana to end this conversation.
"Why don't we talk outside Jonas."
"Ok sure."
Outside In The Hallway.
" Jonas your wife is suffering form anorexia nervosa. A lot of people just think its about teenagers and trying to get thin but I can tell you it goes a lot deeper than that. Now I can help Lu physically and morally but emotionally….."
"I love my wife."
"Lu tells me that you spend a lot of your time on business trips and that a couple of times you even came home drunk. No offence but that's a funny kind of love."
"What we do in our own time is not a topic that I wish to discuss especially with strangers." Jonas said in a cool tone.
"Well Lu has been my friend for the last nine years and she talked to me about that topic. Jonas laying that kind of emotional baggage on her is not going to help her beat this disease !" Dana said in a heated tone.
"Lu doesn't have a disease. All she needs to do to get better is to eat!"
"It's not that simple!"
" All Lu is suffering form is poor judgment in her choices ."
"Jonas I know Lu loves you with all of her heart but this road she's on is killing her and she needs your support to find a way off of this dangerous road."
Later That Night
"Dana I'm sorry I shouldn't have been cross with you earlier. I'm just so worried about her you know? I don't want to loose her. Lu is very sick yes?"
"Yes, but were very lucky that we caught it early. It looks like she may have only had it for the last nine years, but it just now started making her physically showing sick. She could have died if we didn't catch it and you didn't bring her in. "
"You're a doctor you can help her right?"
"Like I told you earlier, we need to figure out why Lu is doing this to herself. A reason is locked in her head. She may not even know the reason."
"Is it the stress of the baby after the rape?"
"Lu's problems probably go back to way before she even found out she was pregnant. A lot of women who are raped suffer form anorexia so perhaps it was form the first time she was raped six years ago. I don't know. It could also be the way she was raised, things that happened in her life, her relationship with her parents. ANYTHING!"
The Next Day In Lu's Hospital Room
" It's called Guilt. These feelings probably started after Lu was raped the first time and then they continued even after she was recovered form the first rape. She must have felt that if she were perfect she wouldn't have gotten raped and so she began to strive to be perfect. Because nothing bad happens to perfect people. And Lu you already had a personality that makes you a risk factor for such things like anorexia, your hard working, beautiful, and you always fulfill the task's that are put on with perfection no matter how difficult they are." The therapist started.
" But I find those all beautiful qualities to be proud of!" Jonas interrupted.
" Well they are, sometimes, but Lu couldn't control any of those expectations except for her weight. Now I know this has been going on for along time but Jonas being away so much is probably the straw that broke the camels back."
"So your saying this is my fault?" Jonas asked angered.
"No, I am not saying this is anybody's fault, what I am saying is that….."
"It's my fault…" Lu said form her position on the bed.
" No Lu this is not your fault!"
"Yes it is! I should have known what I was doing was wrong. I mean I'm a doctor for crying out loud . I should have been able to prevent it but I wasn't. Now I have to pay the price to get better so I can go on with my life."
Dana just looked at Lu for a minute and then she looked at Jonas.
"What's going to happen to our baby?" Jonas asked.
"I don't know yet. Lu is having weekly checkups so she can be sure that nothing is going wrong but the baby is still too small. Lu is five months along and the baby is only about the size of a three month fetus."
"Because of the eating-disorder."
"It could be or it could just be a coincidence." Dana said although she and Jonas both knew that the reason the baby was dieing was because of the ED.
"What does this mean?"
"If Lu can carry the baby to term, the baby could be born with, a higher risk of SIDS, facial abnormalities, the baby could develop, breathing problems, heart disease. Shortened life span, and an mother with an eating-disorder has a higher risk of miscarriage than a mother without one." Dana said as she told Jonas the news .
"What's the chances that my baby will have all of this stuff?" Jonas asked.
"There is a fifty, fifty chance that she will come to term and be perfectly normal happy baby." Dana said with confidence.
"Then we want to abort the fetus." Jonas said over his wife's objections
"What?" Dana said " But I thought you all had been wanting a baby?."
"We have a baby. A perfectly normal happy three year old at home. I don't want to bring this baby into a world of pain." Jonas said firmly.
"Jonas I'm not going to kill my baby!" Lu objected.
"Then I am not going to be with you anymore. I want a divorce! I am not going to bring this baby into a world of hurt and pain."
" Fine I don't love you if you can't love all of me. This baby is part of me and if you can't lover her too than I don't love you."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Well fine then get out of my hospital room!"
"Your being very selfish Lu. I'll bring Alley to you along with her clothes and some toys. You can live here for all I care. I'll be in Paris if you change your mind."
"Fine Jonas just leave!"
Lu began to cry and she sat back down in fetal position on her bed. Dana walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Lu.
"It's going to be ok sweetie."
"I sure hope so."
"How are you going to care for your baby? I can't release you for at least two more weeks. Your very sick Lu."
"She can stay in the room with me. She can sleep in the same bed as me and I can feed her food form the cafeteria."
"Yeah but how will your baby feel growing up in a hospital while her mommy's getting poked and prodded every thirty minutes.?.?.?"
"We'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there I don't know what's going to happen. How long before I can return back to work?"
"I'm sorry Lu you have to wait at least two weeks. And I would like you to check yourself into the psychiatric unit."
"I can't check into the psychiatric unit Dana! I have to care for my baby. It's only for two more weeks and I have to make the best of it."
"Alley can stay over at my house. I could take her to day care in the mornings when I take my girls to school. She does go to the same daycare that Katie does anyway."
"Dana I appreciate your offer but what about my patients.?.?"
"Lu I am putting you on paid medical leave. I have already checked it with the boss and it's fine. He just wants to fix the problem that you have so you can go back to work."
"Dana I was raped I'm not broken."
"If you don't want to check into psychiatric unit will you at least talk to a physiatrist?"
"Of Course I will Dana. But if I am going to have to stay in the hospital anyway I would rather have my baby with me, than in daycare. She needs to be with her mommy. She hasn't gotten to spend too much time with me since the rape. I miss her."
"That's fine sweetie."
" Dana am I making the right choice?"
" Yes Lu I think you are making the right choice. But in the end it's up to you. No matter what happens it's you that's going to have to live with the consequences."
"Thanks Dana, I knew you would understand. I just can't kill her. I had a hard enough time three years ago when I though I was going to loose Alley when we were remolding the basement and I went into labor."
"I know sweetie I know what it's like to loose a child. I'm going to give you a homework assignment OK? I want you to write your emotions down on a piece of paper? Writing sometimes helps to get a hold of your feelings."
"Thanks Dana."
" Hey don't forget the physiatrist is coming by in about ten minutes to talk to you."
"I won't could you call the day care and check on Alley for me?"
" Sure but why?"
"No reason I just really miss her."
"Sure thing Lu."
Ten Minutes Later
"Hi my name is Emily and I am the physiatrist that Dr. Stow has sent to talk to you for today. So how are you doing?"
"I'm fine and yourself?"
"I'm fine, fine. So do you know why Dana wanted you to see me today?"
"Because I'm anorexic and she thinks I'm crazy."
"Well the first parts right. But she doesn't seem to think your crazy, on the contrary she speaks rather highly of you . "
"I know I was just kidding…..actually were best friends."
"Do you have any children?"
"I have a twenty one year old son Marc, a three year old daughter Alley and I'm expecting right now."
"Oh really how far along…."
"About five months."
"Babies are so sweet. Does Alley know yet?"
"Not yet we wanted to see how things went first. …….." With those simple words that Lu spoke Emily knew what the problem was. What she had to find out was how to fix it.
Lu's Thoughts
I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you no,
I should have held on tight I never should have let you go,
I didn't know nothing,
I was stupid,
I was foolish,
I was lying to myself,
I couldn't have thought that I'd ever be with ought your love,
Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself,
Cause I didn't know you,
Cause I didn't know me,
But if I'd have know everything,
I'd never felt,
The feeling I'm feeling now that I don't here your voice,
Or have your touch and kiss your lips cause I don't have a choice,
Or what I wouldn't give to have you lying by my side right here cause baby,
When you left I lost a part of me ,
It's still so hard to believe,
Come back baby please,
Cause we belong together,
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get ruff?
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone until the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody else oh baby baby,
We belong together.
Can't sleep at night when you are on my mind,
Bobby Womack's on the radio singing to me,
"If you think your lonely now" wait a minute
This is too deep , Too deep ,
I gotta change the station,
So I turn the dial trying catch a break,
And then I hear baby face,
"I only think of you." as breaking my heart,
I'm trying to keep it together,
But I'm falling apart,
I'm feeling all out of my element,
Throwing things crying,
Trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong,
The pain inflicted,
And this song ain't half of what I'm feeling inside,
I need you need you back in my life baby!
When you left I lost a part of me,
Its still so hard to believe,
Comeback baby please,
Cause we belong together,
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get ruff?
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone until the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place their ain't nobody else oh baby baby.
We belong together. BABY!
When you left I lost a part of me,
It's still so hard to believe,
Comeback baby please,
Cause we belong together,
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get ruff?
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone until the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place their ain't nobody else oh baby baby,
We belong together!