Wolf- I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed. I was afraid I wouldn't get any more reviews since after Iw as kicked off, so thank you! Anyway, I do not own any piece of Gravi except seven or eight manga (I'm still trying for the next).
Wings- And even those she didn't buy herself. She begged, screamed, and kicked like a little brat to get them.
Wolf- (glares) Another word out of you and it's the OC bin for you. Don't you glare at me! Stupid ungrateful angst muse... You're gonna have a lot to do this chapter because of this! Sorry Suguru, but it's gotta happen.
THANK YOU REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU TO PIECES! And yes, I have read up to when Suguru gets in the manga.
--
Going Under
Suguru could feel nerves rising in his throat as he peeked out the curtain. The crowd was screaming, excited. They wanted to see Bad Luck and they wanted to see it now. Ever since their first CD had come out, they had been loved by a whole lot of people.
Drawing back, Suguru also bit back nausea. Resisting the urge to run hands through his hair, which was fully of sparkly gel that made it slightly spiky underneath his hat, he began to adjust his clothes. He tried to make it so the black leather pants he had been forced into weren't so tight. He also had on a sleeveless mint green silk shirt, black metal bands around his wrists. Light chains went over top of those, flailing around when he moved, but even with all this, he couldn't upstage Shuichi. The pink-haired singer looked not so done-up. He looked more natural, more at ease. Loose black cargo jeans, a sleeveless white shirt, and a black leather trench coat was all he needed to look great. While he looked perfectly happy with what he was at the moment, Suguru looked uncomfortable.
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Going under
"Hey Suguru!" someone said cheerfully. Before he ever turned around, bright chocolate eyes lit up. He could feel his green hair fall into his eyes as he whirled around, undeniably cute.
"Cousin!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the man. The N-G producer looked amused as he hugged his young cousin. They looked vaguely the same age as each other, though Tohma was twenty-odd years older.
"Are you here to watch us play?" he asked excitedly. He was always happy to see Tohma. Since Seguchi Tohma was a producer, he was always busy, and Surguru always missed him. But the older man shook his head.
"Not exactly," he said with a smile. His voice was low, sweet, and deceptively innocent. "What kind of family would I be if I didn't come up for your birthday?"
Suguru's smile faltered but didn't completely failed. They had been so busy preparing for this concert tonight that he had almost forgotten.
"It's your birthday, Suguru-kun?" Shuichi questioned, jumping up and down. His bright hair was spilling all over his head with reckless abandon.
"How old are you?" Hiroshi asked, setting down his guitar.
Almost indistinctively the boy stiffened, but he still answered in a guileless voice, "Seventeen." His cousin frowned but didn't say anything.
"Cool!" Shuichi exclaimed, oblivious. "You're actually older! I somehow just thought you couldn't change, Suguru! You shoulda told us! We'd of thrown you a party, with balloons, and candles, and..." His eyes took a dreamy cast, but Suguru quickly and neatly interrupted that train of thought.
"No thanks, Shuichi. My birthday isn't really anything to celebrate anymore."
Boots thumping slightly as he walked, he turned away from both friends and cousin to warm up. Sighing, Tohma was glad that Noriko was here too. He didn't think he'd be able to handle this on his own.
--
When he had heard that Bad Luck was having a concert, he had gotten a ticket from his brother instantly and went over. His father hadn't been too happy, of course, but he had decided to go anyway. Bad Luck was like Nittle Grasper in the strangest way, even though the music wasn't too much alike. Even though he could have the original now, he liked Bad Luck for it's own music. The crowd roared around him, impatient to hear the band. He could barely hear anything over them, but luckily he was fairly near the speakers. Not too near to get his ears blasted out, but near enough.
"LET'S WELCOME BAD LUCK!" someone screamed through a microphone. The lights of the half-disk stage flickered on, revealing Shuichi in front with the other two behind him. With a sexy smile, his eyes lit up and his trench coat flared.
"This is a song for everyone out there who has a problem with those damn little things," 1 he stated. His voice throbbed through the speakers, and Tatsuha let himself become lost to the music.
--
Angrily, Suguru slammed the door shut, throwing his boots off and his keys once again on the stand. Glaring, he strode in the living room, where he allowed his fingers to fly over the keys. Even that didn't help, and it usually calmed him. Fuming, he slammed his hands down. The keys made an abrupt sound, infuriating him with the lack of music. He leaned over and let the tears slip down his face.
'I have to leave before Cousin Tohma get's here. I've done it every year. He practically expects it. I just... have to leave.'
Don't want your hand, this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
(wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I, thought I'd reached the bottom
He stormed into his bedroom, leaving the door open behind him. Even as he started to slip off his leather, he opened the dresser to scavenge for a pair of jeans. His performance clothing fell to the floor as he shrugged different clothing on. A short-sleeved white shirt, black jeans, a ragged denim hat to cover up the hair he was growing out longer. But in his hand he found a black denim jacket. Without warning, he felt more tears leak out as he looked over everything, even the little rip on the sleeve. He pulled it on and spun around to head towards out. Hopefully Tohma wouldn't be here yet. Hopefully...
"Suguru? Are you in there?"
It was his cousin. Stilling his face, he managed to make it look like he had never cried. He didn't have much to do with that. The tears always just slipped silently down his face in wet trails, made of pure sorrow. It didn't make his face red anything. It wasn't fueled by the mix of anger that most people's tears were.
I'm dying again
"Suguru? Dammit. I didn't get here in time. Noriko-chan, let's--"
"Looking for me, Cousin Tohma?" Suguru said as he walked in, face full of cheer. He could even manage to smile, faking the expression in a way that both he and his cousin shared. That false smile, practiced and even.
His cousin, with the lilac-haired Noriko beside, looked a bit shocked. His moss green orbs shone a bit in confusion.
"Hiiiii Suguru. Umm, happy birthday?"
Suguru smirked slightly. Tohma was uncomfortable, for once obvious, playing with his neck belt with long fingers plucking at it.
"Happy birthday squirt," Noriko said briskly, seeing that for once Seguchi Tohma was unable to speak. "Wanna go out or something? Who cares if it's nearly midnight? All the good clubs open now. Let's party!" She cheered her own idea, smiling. She was worried about Suguru too.
"No thanks, Riko-san. Feel free to go yourself, though. And..." He trailed off, quickly thinking. 'I have to ask. I've been meaning to. But I have to get out of here...' "Tohma, is there any way to get a different synth player for Bad Luck?" he blurted out. To say that Tohma looked shocked was an understatement.
"Why?" the former Nittle Grasper asked in disbelief. Noriko saw it instantly and thwopped him on the head with little patience. Wincing, he didn't even have time to rub the back of his head before she started.
"Don't ya see, Tohma-chan? He's the cutest keyboardist ever, but he always is behind that brat Shindou. I never liked him... Alright, maybe I did, but that's beside the point. He's a brat now." Pouting, she crossed her arms over her ample chest.
Suguru gave a small, real smile. "The fact that I was only doing it as a favor to my cousin beside the point," he pointed out. "None of us ever thought that Bad Luck would actually make it big." Regretfully, both nodded. "And to be honest..." he murmured so low that they could barely hear, "I wanted to start up Fallen Angel again."
Tohma's eyes filled with understanding at last, gentle and comprehensive. He smiled.
"I guess I can live with that," he remarked lightly. "Your cousin Quatre Winner, the one that looked almost exactly like me? He's one of the best, better than me even. About as good as you. He can do it. He'll be thrilled, even." 2
Suguru smiled lightly again. "Sure, cuz. Now I have to get going. Arrange it, please? My next jam session with Bad Luck will be my last." Giving a mock smile and a fake jaunty wave, he nearly pushed them aside to get to the door. Leaving Noriko and Tohma to look at each other in discomfort. Understanding. Sorrow. Regret. A million things that they could never express with simple words.
--
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under
He had made it to the park, but only that far. He was crumpled under a willow tree, tears streaming out his eyes fast and furious. He wiped them on the sleeve of his jacket as he tried to think of what his cousin had once told him. The one time that he had actually spoken of his true dream and why he just couldn't...
"So you want me to become the keys player of a newbie band called Bad Luck?" he questioned. "How is that going to be the solution to anything?"
Tohma ran a hand through his pale blonde hair and tapped a pencil eraser-end first on the desk. He made an imposing figure behind that desk, childish-looking or no.
"You said..." he began slowly. His whole body seemed like a sigh. "...that you can't do it anymore. The whole world thinks of you as darkly innocent. You said you're sick of it." He smiled slightly. "Hell, even I would be. So don't sing. No one will recognize you as the number one singer in practically the world, Fallen Angel. We'll just create a mysterious disappearance." He rolled his eyes and tapped his fingers slowly on the wood of the desk. His eyes serious as he waited for an answer. He studied Suguru for a long, tense moment. Sitting in the chair across from him, the teen gulped.
"I'll go with Bad Luck. I'll have to cut my hair just to make sure people don't recognize me..." He gave a small sigh. His dark green locks of hair fell to his waist, where the ends curled slightly. Then he smirked, leaning on the desk to look his cousin in the eye.
"You may not like it, but I have to change my appearance. Be someone else. We're also going to say I'm sixteen, just to make sure they catch on. Can't have them thinking I'm the fourteen year old Fallen Angel, after all."
He winked, then got up, looking distant. His eyes gazed out the window into the bright lit trees.
"I have to go. Sorry, Tohma, and thanks for the opportunity for change."
He left.
--
"What the hell?" Suguru yelled as he jumped up. Someone had shook his shoulder. Instantly, all trace of tears was gone. The person in front of him, black-haired and onyx-eyed, didn't look fooled by the apparent lack of crying. He didn't look ready to fall down and comfort him at any moment either. He was just there.
"Are you alright?" the guy asked, forcibly stuffing his hands into the tight pockets of his jeans.
Suguru gave him a look. "Why wouldn't I be?" he snapped, glaring and brushing dirt of his clothing.
The boy, who seemed like he was sixteen or so, didn't look impressed. He raised an eyebrow wryly instead. "I think you can answer that," he told the synth player. Then his eyes narrowed slightly as if he was trying to remember something. "You're Fujisaki Suguru! In Bad Luck!" he exclaimed.
Surprised into grinning, Suguru shrugged. For once, he had been recognized for himself. "Not for much longer," he said, running a hand through his dark green-black hair. He played with the sleeves of his denim jacket. "Who are you, anyway? You look like Yuki Eiri." Tatsuha shrugged also.
"His little brother. Uesugi Tatsuha."
Suguru flashed a smile. It seemed like if you had a big romance novelist brother, you would be overshadowed just as keyboardists were overshadowed by the lead singers. "Well thanks for worrying about me," he said quietly, "And for recognizing me." A darkness fell over his brown eyes again, and he walked away, leaving Tatsuha slightly surprised at the quick brush-off. Then his eyes widened.
'What did he mean by "not for much longer"? Is he leaving the band?'
--
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
(so I don't real and what's not)
So I don't know what's real and what's not
(what's real and what's not)
No matter what he did, he always ended up back here. Shaded russet eyes looked over the grayish-brown walls of the warehouse, faded and dirtied. They glanced over the cracked concrete floor and landed on corner that was still stained with a legacy of blood, imprinted there from all too many years ago. No matter what he did, he always ended up back here.
Boots made no sound for once as Suguru walked over to that corner and sat. He leaned back into the dirty wall, almost taking peace in the unholiness of it all. No matter what he did, he was the most unholy of them all.
'The day I was born. The day I died. The day my parents died. The day Akuma-- Seti, died. Death.'
He thought back to the words his cousin had spoken to him somewhere around a year ago. 'I live in the present,' he repeated. 'Being so far immersed in the present allows the past to haunt you. On stage, you can immerse in the past to create a totally different sound in your voice. It's the only way. Only way...'
For once, just this once, he considered it. It could all change in a blink. A thought whispered through his head, a hint of the amazing lyrical abilities he had once had. Then a completely different idea grew around a slightly different theme. He cast his eyes downward and shifted slightly, digging a hand into a cargo pocket. He took out a pen. Shuffling through a few papers, he found a used one and uncrumpled it. Gently, he set it down on the stained floor and looked at it. It was so crumpled, imperfect. Therein lied it's perfection
Closing those shimmering orbs, he let his thoughts filter down to the barest things that made him himself. The major things. The life changing things. If he cried, once again he didn't notice. He almost never noticed when sorrow took him so strongly. He focused his thoughts on a deceptively calm face and bright green eyes. Slowly, his thoughts flowed down through his fingertips, setting the pen in motion. Dark ink stained the paper in writing that curved and twisted, unlike his usual writing. He immersed himself in the past. Just for now. Just for a little while.
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
--
He was finished. He looked at the twisted writing. It spoke almost solely of Akuma Seti 3. In the beginning, his thoughts had flicked towards his cousin earlier that day, but that had passed. Growing bitter, he stuffed the paper in his pocket. Water dripped down from long-dead pipes as he succumbed to tears once more, letting them fall freely from his deadened eyes.
I'm dying again
He didn't want to try to get up from this. He was drowning in a sea of utter despair. But this was the one day. This was his day. The one day he got to be dead.
"'I'm going to burn in hell'," Suguru managed to get out through is sobs, voice choked with tears as burning laughter made it's way out of his throat. Akuma's last words, and they had been some of the truest he had ever spoken.
In a flash of sudden cold, the keys player gasped and froze. His eyes opened and grew blank.
Somewhere else. Somewhere... gone. Never there, never here. Don't want to be in this place. Never this place. Thousands of flashes. All of his face. Pictures of him. No matter where. Don't wanna see. I want to leave. NOW!
Suddenly he was out of immersion in his mind. A sole thing burned into his mind, erasing all of the cold images of Seti. Carelessly tossed black hair, molten obsidian eyes, and Yuki Eiri's face. Uesugi Tatsuha. Those hot eyes burned through every image, discarding it.
Stumbling to his feet, Suguru had no clue how he made it home and in bed safely.
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under
--
"DON'T LEAVE AGAIN!"
The yell screamed at him, piercing him through every piece of his body, making him bleed inside. He allowed his eyes to fill with tears as he looked up into the beautiful, handsome face of his lover and partner, Akuma Seti.
"I'm sorry Akuma," he said, drawing a shuddering breath. He cowered from the chair that he had been thrown into. Those beautiful green eyes that belonged to the second half of Fallen Angel softened a bit. But not too much. They never went completely clear. Not for Suguru.
"I DON'T want you LEAVING!" the teenager yelled. He was sixteen years old while Suguru was thirteen, turning fourteen in a week.
"We're just getting the new CD started! We may have the record deal, but we can't slack off practicing! Tenshi, where do you get off leaving like that! You idiot!"
So go on and scream, scream at me
I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe; I can't keep going under
Shivering, shuddering, he sank back into the chair with closed eyes. He drew away into a place deep inside himself, cold and dark. Images flashed around him of the past that was so dark even when he was so young. He had met Akuma when he was eleven, but too much had happened before that to make a difference. The screaming, the ranting, the yelling, met deaf ears. He was too far gone.
Akuma had always been the fallen and he had always been the angel. Now he was fallen too.
He loved Akuma. There was no doubt about that. They were closer than brothers, more than family, forever. Akuma was a good person. There was no doubt. There was just so much stress that they were under. He couldn't blame Akuma, but maybe he was making excuses.
This was his life, though.
I'm dying again
Fujisaki Suguru woke up screaming.
--
The street was so dark and dust-filled. It seemed like what a painting of "the end of the road" would be. The very end. It was too late for Tatsuha to go to Eiri's house. He was bound to walk in on something with Shuichi and his brother. So he had headed to his favorite, all-night cafe.
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under
"Another cup of chai, hon?" the bouncy waitress asked. Her blue eyes were bright and her brown hair bounced. Most people seemed grouchy so early in the morning, but this woman, girl really, was happy. Tatsuha smiled at her.
"Sure," he answered quietly. "Thanks, Mei." Mei winked.
"No prob! You're my favorite person when you're in town!"
She headed behind the desk. Sighing, eyes turning from the street to inside his heart, he saw a face with soft strands of hair that seemed to always fall in lonely brown eyes.
Going under (going under)
Drowning in you
I'm going under
--
1 - When Shuichi talks about this song, I'm having him sing 'Little Things', lyrics by Good Charlotte. I only know that one song from the first manga. Sorry! But Little Things just seems to fit good... smile I'll just have it be from his new CD that he's doing. How 'bout that?
2 - Quatre Raberba Winner is from Gundam Wing. He looks EXACTLY like Tohma, except his hair is brighter and his eyes are aquamarine. You GOTTA see!
3 - Akuma devil/demon. Tenshi angel. Demons were supposed to be fallen angels given a different name. I perfer fallen angel, obviously, over demon. Demon works in some situations, but not this one. Akuma was an angry fallen angel and Suguru was the angel that got dragged to earth (I.E. hell) with him, making him fallen.
4 - Not in chapter. Just recongize that my order is last, or family, name first and first name last. Traditional Japanese way, but they all usually call each other by their first names unlike the traditional Japanese way. 'Kay?