For The Love Of A Child
Chapter Eight- Sacrifices
"I'm fine honey I swear!" Lu said with emphasis into the telephone. They still hadn't made up but his worry for his wife got the better of him.
"Are you sure your fine?" Jonas was worried and it showed.
"Joe the baby's not due for three more months! The baby that you don't even want ! Now stop your worrying!"
"Call me after your check up tomorrow."
"Why do you want me to call you? Your divorcing me over the baby anyway. Don't you have a conference or something you need to get to?" Lu's anger towards her husband was beginning to wheal up inside of her.
"Look I'm trying here ok?"
"I know you are. But what I said two weeks ago still stands. If you can't love my baby then you can't love me."
"Anyway be careful. You just got out of the hospital. No heavy lifting."
"I know Jonas!" Lu said hotly " I'm a doctor too!"
"OK well I have to go…bye!"
"Good- Bye!" And with that Lu snapped her flip phone closed disconnecting the call.
Lu laid on the couch and placed her hands gently on her stomach. Her stomach had grown so much in the last two weeks since she had been in treatment for anorexia. Her once perfectly flat stomach, now looked as if she had swallowed a watermelon.
She turned on the radio to try and distract herself form the stabbing pains in her belly that she would never tell Jonas or Dana about. Her favorite song was playing and she got up and began to dance around the room. (She figured that a little motion would calm the restless baby down.) With no such luck she laid down on the couch again. Anyway she was use to these pains. Soon Lu fell into a restless sleep.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Lu's pager went off in a series of eleven quick beeps. It was two thirty am.
"Auh shit!" Lu said as she realized that her pager was all the way on the other side of the living room.
Lu got her purse and rummaged around in it until she found her pager. When she saw who paged her she got dressed in large scrubs and headed to the clinic immediately.
"Savannah how in the world would I know where Jaden is?" Lu asked. She was shocked that Jaden her thirteen year old patient for the last ten years was missing.
"I thought she would have come to you. You were her favorite babysitter. And look at this paper that I found in her notebook!" Savannah handed Lu a piece of paper written in black glittery gel pen. A thick heavy rain began to fall.
My Very Screwed Up Life
By: Jaden Hanson
As I sit here,
As I cry,
As I wish that I could die,
I sit here thinking of you and,
Of all our happy memories,
You're my sister,
You're my friend,
We'll stick together until the end,
As I feel my life is ending,
All fucked up deformed and bending,
You sit with me here and say,
This pain will eventually fade away,
No matter what I say or do,
You've always been a real friend true,
As I cut,
As I fear,
As I bleed,
I fear the hot burning tears,
Running down my face,
I have to make myself pay,
I'll die another day,
As I watch the blood,
I feel the rush of pain,
Every time I get angry,
I feel the need to purge unending,
And cut myself until I bleed,
To kill myself and,
Get rid of all these unhappy memories,
You won't understand this now,
You told me I should write this down,
It hurts so much,
I'm on a very long road that's never ending,
I'm laying in a meadow of grass all green,
Trying to see the good in me,
But it's not working,
I cannot see,
The way that you all want me to be,
I try so hard to fight the pain,
But every time I try and gain,
I feel the urge to purge away,
I want so badly to be,
The way that you all see me,
Loving, happy, healthy, and caring,
But it's not worth it,
Dare I say,
I'm letting go more and more each day,
It's got total control over me,
It runs my life,
This stupid ED,
You're my best friend,
And I love you dear,
I don't want to hurt you with all my tears,
I'm gonna draw a picture,
A picture with a twist,
I'll draw it with a razor blade,
I'll drew it on my wrist,
And as I draw this picture,
A fountain will appear,
Washing away my sorrow,
Washing away my fears,
The pain will disapear,
It will be gone forever,
Forever so will I ,
I'll be lost in a world of fear and doubt,
Where I'll be monitored each day,
And never again will I ,
Be able to make the pain go away.!
OMG Lu gasped as she finished reading the last of the poem, tears were falling down her eyes but not angry tears, sad tears. She couldn't believe that the sweet little thirteen year old that she use to baby-sit everyday could be in this much pain.
Lu read and re red the poem and looked at the pictures of a bridge and a car with a huge x through it. Twenty minutes later she came to her conclusion.
"It's a riddle!"
"Do WHAT?" Savanna asked shocked.
"It's obvious! Jaden ran away. She's on a bridge that has no cars on it. There's water under the bridge." Lu looked at Savanna suddenly inspired. She's confused like she's trying to make up her mind. There's a narrow worn out bridge an half hour form here. It all fits come on we have to go!" Lu exclaimed. She reached into a desk dower and took out an extra set of scrubs from before she began to bloom, and a blanket form the dower of the examination table. Savanna looked at Lu like she was crazy.
"Lets go! If she crosses the state line we'll never find her!" Lu screamed as she pulled on her coat , mittens, and scarf.
"She oviously thinks she's going to the city, she's scared because she doesn't know what to do. It seems as if she's trying to make an important decision." Lu said as they drove down the road in a speeding amount of time.
"Why would she run away?"
"I don't know Savanna I really don't know. Here we are." Lu said as she made one final turn and stopped at the base of a very narrow very tall bridge with icy water underneath.
Lu grabbed her flashlight form in the dash of her car, and even though her unborn baby was protesting she began to climb the bridge, calling Jaden's name.
When Lu reached the top and Jaden was no where in sight she shone the light down into the water. After twenty minutes of searching she saw a small dark figure with bluish white skin floating in the freezing water beneath her.
All at once without really thinking of the consequences Lu ran back to the bottom of the bridge. And after removing her jacket, scrubbs, socks and shoes she dove into the freezing cold water and swam towards Jaden.
Lu finding it very difficult to swim with her new found lump where her stomach use to be swam with great difficulty out to where the young girl was floating, freezing.
'Oh Jaden!' Lu thought to herself as she swam back to shore dragging the ninety five pound body behind her.
When she got back to shore she laid Jaden flat on her back and began to manually pump her stomach of all the water she injested.
Jaden began to cough and sputter but she didn't wake. Lu picked the young girl up and laid her in the back seat of her car. In the car she took off the child's wet clothes and replaced them with the extra dry clothes that she had brought. Then she wrapped the girl in the big blanket, and pulled her scrubs back on.
Lu began to give Jaden chest compressions and mouth to mouth resuscitation. Because she had stopped breathing. All the while Savanna just stood there looking shocked not moving a mussle.
Jaden began to stir and her breathing became shallow and steady. Lu turned Jaden on her side and then called the hospital to let them know they were on the way.
"Hello RWHC ER!" Kayla answered in her most profesional tone.
" Hey Kayla this is Lu. Have a gurney waiting for me outside the ER doors OK?" Lu said in one clear breath.
"What's wrong is it the baby?" Kayla asked.
"No it's a patient of mine. Thirteen female, ninety five lbs, I she has hypothermia. She jumped off of a bridge and into the freezing water. I've pumped the water from her stomach and given her CPR and her breathing has regulated but she still hasn't waken. We'll be there soon." Lu said all in one fast tone.
"Yes ma'am."
Lu watched Savanna watching her daughter for a moment and then after making sure that Jaden was still breathing she took off into the night.
"Will she be OK?" Savanna asked not sounding too worried.
"I don't know we'll just have to wait and see." Lu said as she drove faster than usual.
Twenty Minutes Later
"Female, thirteen, attempt at suiside, she's anemic, and hypothermic, hang one normal warming solution IV and one normal B+ blood, from the looks of her wrists jumping off of the bridge wasn't the only thing she did! Hook her up on a venelator and get me a CT scan STAT!" Lu said as she ran alongside the gurney.
"We've got it Lu!" Kayla said understandingly.
Lu stopped and let them run ahead while she and Savanna went into an abandoned waiting room.
"Lu is she going to?"
"I don't know!"
"Then what the hell do you know?" The angry mother asked as she grabbed Lu by the shoulders and shook her hard.
"I know that if I wouldn't have jumped in the river after her she would be dead." Lu said as she pulled out of the mothers grip and slapped her in the face. "I have to go and check on Jaden you need to wait here."
"Lu! Lu are you OK?" Dana ran up to Lu in the ER and held her at arms length looking her over.
"I'm fine Dana it's my patient that I'm worried about!"
"You could have gotten yourself and your baby killed." Dana wrapped a warming blanket around Lu's shoulders, and Lu realized for the first time that she was freezing.
"She could have died Dana."
"She still hasn't woken up yet." Dana said gently
"Who called you anyway?" Lu asked annoyed
"Kayla."
Lu was walking into Jaden's room to give her a check up and Dana her loyal friend followed her.
"Her vital signs are improving!" Lu said defienciavly " I couldn't just let her die."
"You could have died."
"It doesn't matter as long as I saved her."
"That was a very brave, but very stupid thing to do."
"You wouldn't understand."
Lu and Dana walked into Dana's office and continued to argue.
"Your so selfish! You didn't even stop to consider the health of your baby!"
"What exactly are you not saying?"
"I'm saying you don't even care about yourself or that baby. That water is freezing that means it is cold enough it could have killed you and your baby within seconds." Dana said in her way that said ' I'm a busy know it all.'
"Dana look OK? I'm fine! The baby's fine I can feel her moving around!" Lu said as the baby gave a praticualy hard kick, catching it's Mommy off guard and making her gasp.
"What's the matter Lu?" Dana asked as she saw the look on Lu's face.
"Nothing….nothing I'm fine." Lu said trying to cover up the sudden pains in her stomach. She began to fear every pregnant mothers worst fear.
"Let me check on the baby. You have an apt tomorrow anyway."
"Fine but make it quick I have to check on Jaden." Lu said as she hopped up onto the exam bed.
Dana listened to the baby's heart and did a normal check up to ensure the baby's safety. She didn't want nothing to happen to it.
"What's wrong Dana?" Lu asked struggling to sit up and see the screen.
"Nothing it's just odd."
"What's odd?"
"Nothing."
"DANA TELL ME!"
"Your baby's still too small." Dana knew that the chance of this baby surviving was slim.
Lu sat shocked with her knees under her chin. Her long tan arms were wrapped tightly around her ultra thin legs. If it wasn't for her watermelon stomach you wouldn't even be able to tell she was expecting. Her stomach was pounding but she still sat that way in the chair beside Jaden's bed talking to her patient.
"Jaden you should have came to me and told me what was going on!" Lu said once Jaden woke.
"I couldn't have I didn't want to endanger you."
"You wouldn't have sweetie."
"Why did you come and rescue me? I wanted to die!"
"I couldn't have just left you there! I've been takeing care of you since you were born."
"Your so stupid Lu you could have killed your baby."
"But I didn't and I saved you."
"I wanted to die Lu!"
"No you didn't can you tell me what happened?"
"Lu I'm so sorry!"
"Sorry about what sweetie?"
"He said he'd kill me if I told anyone."
"Told anyone what?"
"Do you promise not to tell?"
"Yes baby I promise."
"Daddy raped me, three months ago, later I found out I was pregnant." Jaden stopped and started to cry. And then she corrected herself. Today I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want anyone asking questions so I got an abortion. Lu. Here at RWHC. " Jaden said as she cried and cried.
"Daddy said if I got pregnant he would wait until I was just about to have the baby and then he said he would knock me down the stairs."
"Jaden what you did was horrible and unexcuaseiable but what made you decide to take your own life?"
"I just didn't want to be apart of it anymore. He had been doing this to me since I was eight years old." Jaden laid on the bed and cried uncontrollably.
"Oh Jaden…." Lu said as she walked over to the bed and took the ninety five pound girl in her arms. "Your just a little girl… you didn't know what to do and you were scared. It's not your fault." Lu hugged the child as her baby gave a painful kick that Jaden felt.
"Lu I felt her! I felt your baby kick!"Jaden said shocked.
"Yeah I felt her too." Lu said softly.
"Does that hurt?"
"Does what hurt?"
"The baby kicking."
"Yeah it does but it's a joyful pain.Its something that you get use to"
"I could have felt my baby kick." Jaden said regretfully, as she played with the hospital band on her arm.
"Jaden don't blame yourself. You didn't know whatelse to do."
"I can't deal with the guilt Lu. It's my fault that my baby died. I'm the one who paid for him to be murdered. I'm the one who paid the money." Jaden picked up a scalpel form in a nearby dower and before Lu could stop her she slit her wrists deep.
"I need a gurney in here! And a nurse too!" Lu said into the call button.
"Right away Lu."
Lu fought with Jaden and wrapped thick bandages around her arms to stop the bleeding. Until she could get to the ER to have them stitched up.
"Jaden killing yourself isn't going to bring you baby back!" Lu screamed as she lifted Jaden onto the gurney and rolled her to the ER.