Chapter Thirty: Getting rid of the banana
"I know a thing or two about exorcism." said Orochimaru.
"Do you know about exorcizing bananas?" asked Temari.
"Really big ones?" added Sasuke.
"Bananas that want to dye people's hair purple?" supplied Ino.
"Of course." said Orochimaru. "What were the bananas last words?"
"'I shall get my revenge!'" said Naruto, who was the only one who understood the banana.
"Revenge on who?" asked Orochimaru.
"Tenana." said Neji.
"Is that her real name?" asked Orochimaru.
"No." said Sasuke.
"It's Tenten." said Kiba.
"Does she have a last name?" asked Orochimaru.
"Not that we know of." said Kankurou.
"Tenten will be used to lure Uchino Sasukura here." said Orochimaru.
"S…scary…" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak. This is all your fault." said Neji.
"Yeah. Shouldn't have eaten the peels." said Ino.
"Everyone should form a circle around Tenten, and Tenten should stand in the middle." said Orochimaru.
"How troublesome." said Shikamaru, as they made a circle around Tenten.
"Who were the ones who met the banana in the first place?" asked Orochimaru.
"Sasuke and Sakura." answered Naruto.
Orochimaru then whispered what they should do.
Sasuke and Sakura joined Tenten in the middle of the circle, and Neji insisted that he go too. Orochimaru told Naruto to go too because he was the only one who understood the banana.
Soon all of them felt the all-too-familiar chill.
The ghost of the giant banana was holding a ghostly pail of purple dye, a comb, and a hair dryer.
"Sasukura wants you and Sakura-chan to introduce it formally to everyone." said Naruto to Sasuke.
"Fine." said Sasuke.
Everyone stared at Sasuke.
"Sasukura says now." elaborated Naruto.
"Oh!" said Sasuke. "Everybody, Sasukura…Uchino Sasukura has arrived."
"And Uchino Sasukura, Tenten is all yours!" said Sakura.
Tenten was having an inner conflict on whether to look hungry or to look scared.
The banana inched towards Tenten.
"Before you…scar me for life…" started Tenten.
"Sasukura says to go on!" said Naruto.
"Do you have any other goals so that you can…ah…move on?" asked Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." spoke up Neji.
"This is dumb, Orochimaru." said Kiba.
"Not to mention troublesome." said Shikamaru.
"It was either this or use jutsus." said Orochimaru calmly.
"Good point." said Ino. "This way seems much better."
"Tenten might be stuck in this dream forever." said Chouji.
"It's okay, it's only Tenten." said Temari.
"She's not as important as Kabuto-sama!" said Hinata.
"Kids." said Tsunade.
Orochimaru nodded. "I wonder what Kabuto did."
Kabuto shrugged.
"You're our hero, Kabuto-sama!" said Hinata and Shino together.
"You have more freak friends, Tenana!" said Neji.
Tenten glared at him.
"Naruto, is the banana going to say anything?" asked Kankurou.
"Why must you always be on task?" asked Temari.
"Because Kankurou's weird." said Ino.
"Definitely." said Sasuke.
"You have another weird friend, Tenana! You're so popular!" said Neji.
"Why thank you, Neji." said Tenten sarcastically.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"I am NOT weird!" yelled Kankurou.
"Sure you're not." said Ino.
"Guys, Sasukura says to shut up." said Naruto.
"For good reason." said Tsunade. She drank more sake.
"Is that water, Hokage-sama?" asked Lee.
"What, this?" asked Tsunade, showing Lee another sake bottle.
"Yes, that!" said Lee.
"He's underage, isn't he?" asked Orochimaru.
Tsunade hicupped. "But he thinks it's water." She handed Lee the bottle, who drank it thirstily.
"That's…not good…" said Neji slowly.
"I don't think that was the best idea Tsunade…especially during an exorcism." said Orochimaru.
"Oops." said Tsunade.
Lee started to get wild and ran around Tenten crazily. Everyone tried to stay out of his way because Lee really hurts when he's drunk. He napped a few times during his craziness, but the exorcism went on with everyone trying to ignore him.
Every time they tried to move the circle, Lee followed.
"That wasn't one of our Hokage's brightest moments…" said Sakura.
"Sasukura says that it's not finished." said Naruto.
"What's it going to do?" asked Tenten.
As soon as she said that, a ghostly force held her down. Ten minutes later, Tenten had purple hair.
"Wow…" said Sakura.
"It matches my outfit!" said Ino.
"It's a slightly lighter shade than that, Ino." said Chouji.
"How would you know?" asked Shikamaru.
"Chouji's special." said Kankurou.
"Just like you're weird." said Temari.
"And how Tenana's a banana freak." said Neji.
"And how Lee's drunk." said Kiba.
"And Kabuto-sama's a hero!" said Hinata and Shino.
"Why do they like you so much again?" asked Kurenai.
"I don't know…something about a beetle…" said Kabuto.
"Fly." corrected Shino.
"How come Sasukura's still here?" asked Sasuke.
"What more does it want from me?" asked Tenten, ready to pull out her hideous colored hair.
"Shut up, banana freak."
"It wants to…find Tenten a last name!" Naruto translated.
"Well, Tenten really does need one." said Kiba. Just then, Lee punched Kiba for no reason, and Kiba blacked out.
"Gai-sensei, I did it! I…I won against your eternal rival, Kakashi-sensei!" said Lee.
"I'm still here…" said Kakashi, who was reading the whole time.
"How many pages does that book have? Either you're a slow reader, or it's like an encyclopedia…" commented Kurenai.
"It's the special edition of Graphic Flirting!" said Kakashi.
"You have no life." said Sasuke.
"Wow, coming from Sasuke…" said Ino.
"That's pretty harsh." finished Kankurou.
"You're saying I have no life?" asked Sasuke coldly.
"You have to admit, Sasuke-kun…" said Sakura.
Sasuke glared at her, and she almost broke into tears, but not quite. Sasuke looked taken aback for a moment, and then he gave her an even colder glare. This time, Sakura did start to cry. However, no one seemed to be paying attention to her.
"Sasukura said that we still didn't find Tenten a last name." said Naruto.
"Good point." said Orochimaru.
"I have a last name! I just can't tell anyone what it is!" said Tenten lamely.
"Oh sure." said Temari.
"Well, what's your's and Kankurou's last name?" countered Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak. She obviously doesn't want to share that." said Neji.
"Sure, take her side." said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"Gaara has a last name!" said Kankurou.
"Yeah, Sabaku no Gaara!" said Temari.
"Gaara of the Desert!" added Kurenai.
"What kind of last name is that?" asked Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak. At least they have a last name!" said Neji.
"I doubt that it's Temari of the Desert and Kankurou of the Desert!" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak. It's not nice to make fun of people's names." said Neji.
"What about Kabuto?" asked Tenten.
"What about Kabuto-sama?" asked Shino.
"Yeah, Kabuto-sama doesn't need a last name!" said Hinata.
"Kabuto probably already has one!" said Naruto.
"Even N-N-Naruto-kun agrees!" said Hinata.
"Well…what about Orochimaru?" asked Tenten hopelessly.
"Orochimaru-sama has kept that secret for years!" said Kabuto.
"Yeah, and he's too important to bother about his last name." said Sasuke.
"What he said!" agreed Naruto.
"You just can't remember what I said, idiot." said Sasuke.
"Tsunade then?" tried Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
Tsunade hiccupped. "I'm the granddaughter of the first Hokage, what do I need a last name for?"
"Good point!" said Sakura.
"Um…Un…" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"You can't win, Tenten!" said Ino.
"Yeah, there's no one else that you can say doesn't have a last name!" said Kurenai.
"There's YOU!" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"Tomatoes are cool." said Sasuke.
"Sasuke…just make fun of Tenana." said Neji.
"Fine." said Sasuke.
"Anyway, Kurenai-sensei doesn't have a last name!" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"I'm too perfect to have a last name!" said Kurenai.
"Does Sasukura have any suggestions?" asked Kakashi.
"I never said I wanted a last name!" protested Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak. People like you need last names." said Neji.
"Sasukura is thinking, maybe…Uzuuga!" said Naruto. (Note 1)
"Uzuuga Tenana? But Uzuuga rhymes with Hyuuga, so no." said Neji.
"What about Kanrochimaru?" suggested Kankurou. (Note 2)
"No." said Sasuke.
"Do we have to combine names?" asked Ino tiredly.
"It worked when it was combining mine and Sasuke's names!" said Sakura.
"W-what about Kabuto Tenten?" asked Hinata.
"In honor of the great Kabuto-sama!" said Shino and Kiba.
"No." said Kakashi.
Akamaru barked. "We are not naming it after you!" said Kiba.
"Hey, Kiba, when did you wake up?" asked Temari.
"Yeah, didn't Lee knock you down?" asked Shikamaru.
"I woke up." said Kiba simply.
"Tomatoesuke Tenten." said Sasuke.
"That sounds cool! Let's do it!" said Sakura.
"No. Even though tomatoes aren't that bad." said Chouji.
"Yes they are." said Hinata quietly.
"Only Kabuto-sama can save you from them, Hinata." said Kiba, patting Hinata on the back.
"Besides, tomatoes and bananas don't go together." said Neji.
"Don't I get a say in this?" asked Tenten desperately.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"I have an idea!" said Sasuke.
Everyone looked at him, despite their bad case of déjà vu.
"Oh, should I share it?" asked Sasuke, mildly surprised.
"Please do, Sasuke-kun." said Orochimaru. Then he and Tsunade shared a quick glance and the phrase, "kids".
"Let's name her…Tenana Tenten!" said Sasuke.
The group cheered.
"That's your best idea yet, Sasuke!" said Ino.
"But that was originally my idea!" said Neji.
"We accomplished something!" said Kankurou, surprised. He accidently sat on Lee while he was asleep, and Lee stopped being drunk under his weight. Then they explained what happened to Lee.
"I don't want to be called Tenana for the rest of my life!" whined Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
"Sasukura says it fits you!" said Naruto.
"Everyone, wave to Uchino Sasukura! It's leaving now that its mission is complete!" announced Orochimaru.
Everyone waved, and the chill feeling left them.
"I'm going to miss Sasukura." said Sakura.
"You will, but I still have purple hair…" said Tenten.
"Shut up, banana freak." said Neji.
Shikamaru yawned. "It's about time this dream finishes."
End of Chapter Thirty.
Note 1: Uzuuga is Uzumaki plus Hyuuga.
Note 2: Kanrochimaru is Kankurou plus Orochimaru