Title: Tonight I Wanna Cry
Author: Flowerlady
Timeframe: Post-DN
Characters: Kyp, Zekk, Jag, Jaina mentioned
Genre: Songfic, Angst
Summary: The guys remember Jaina….
Disclaimer: Not mine…Lucus owns the characters and Keith Urban owns the song…
Just something I've been kicking around since I first heard this song…
Tonight I Wanna Cry
Alone in this house again tonight:
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine.
Threre's pictures of you and I on the walls around me,
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me:
Kyp Durron couldn't believe the news when he heard it. She came to get her things and to tell him that she had fallen in love and was going to get married. She knew it was sudden but she knew he was the one. He had wondered for some time if something was going on with her. She had been distant and the last time they had been together three months ago she seemed cold when he made love to her. Which, even then he thought was odd because their passion had always been like a star going nova.
But he never thought she could do this. He had long ago made the decision that he would probably never have a chance with Jaina Solo, then a year ago she confronted him and the sparks flew. As long as he lived he would never forget that first time with her. He now wondered if their relationship had been one-sided and what exactly had he had meant to her? He had loved her so completely. How could she just up and leave him?
Now, as he sat there trying to forget in his lonely quarters at Ossus, he realized it would be next to impossible. She completely surrounded him. As he looked around at the holos on the walls he wondered what that banker could havedone to change her heart so quickly. Or had she felt anything for him at all? She had seemed so happy. He remembered their life together and thought of what could have been. But as he thought about it, he realized the future had always been something they avoided simply because she didn't want to talk about it, now he knew why. She hadn't really loved him. If she did she wouldn't be with another tonight.
He lifted the glass of Corellian whisky to his lips wishing he could forget the past. He turned the HoloNet on hoping he could find something to take his mind off her. However, when he saw the news report he turned the volume down and watched his Goddess on the arm of another; sure, that was nothing new to Kyp. He had spent years loving her while she was with another, but now after having her it hurt even more. He then wondered if he would have taken the news of her sudden engagement to the handsome Corellian banker so hard if it had Jag Fel or Zekk she was about to pledge her life to. It would have hurt, he was sure, but they would have known how to love her. They knew how to take care of her.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show.
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control.
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain;
To hell with my pride:
Let it fall like rain from my eyes.
Tonight I wanna cry.
>X
I'll never get over you walkin' away.
Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone.
Zekk tossed down the shot of brandy and looked around the bar, not many beings left at this late hour. He turned his attention back to the HoloNet projector above the bar and realized he couldn't take the news report any more. He'd seen the blushing bride and her doting handsome, fair haired groom one too many times already. He couldn't believe she could do this. It had about killed him when Jaina Solo had started seeing Kyp Durron but she still would longingly look at him. He knew Kyp had been a passing fancy, the Jedi Master had been a secret desire Jaina had harbored deep inside herself for a long time. Zekk had waited hoping she would eventually remember his gentle kisses and passionate caresses and come back to him. Now, he knew that it would never happen.
He saw the jukebox and wondered if it would help to listen to an old song. After ordering another drink, Zekk stood and weaved his way over and punched in the code to call up the song. He then watched as the holovideo played out then thought about his love as he tossed down the drink wishing he had another.
He had loved her so completely but she never really returned his love, she was never his Goddess. Even when they shared their minds, she could never quite give herself completely to him. Then it had been Jag Fel. After they retuned it had been Kyp Durron. Now it was a complete stranger. He suddenly wondered if that bothered him as much as her not choosing him. At least with Kyp or Jag he knew she would have been loved.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show.
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control.
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain;
To hell with my pride:
Let it fall like rain from my eyes.
Tonight I wanna cry.
>X
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters.
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better,
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way, no.
Jag Fel called up the old letters on the datapad. He never quite knew why he had kept them especially after all she had done to him. The letters she had written him over the years were all that he had left of Jaina Solo. Back when she told him how much she loved only him. Now, after the Killik war he knew that they had no future. They had given that up when they had become enemies rather than lovers. However, he never realized it would hurt so much to find out she had moved on. Now, if only he could.
He had heard about the wedding through his unclewho he still occasionally was in contact with. From what Wedge had told him she had done rather well. Although, he had actually been shocked to find out that it wasn't Zekk or Kyp Durron she married. Somehow him he could never see her with anyone but a Jedi since she wasn't with him. Instead, she had married a handsome, rich Corellian banker. Somewhere he had seen a picture of the newly weds. They had looked so happy, so in love. Jag remembered musing as he looked at the blond, blue-eyed man who now circled Jaina Solo's orbit that she must have gotten tired of green eyes and dark hair.
She had told him before he was shot down that she still loved him but he knew that wasn't true. And he wondered if it ever was, sure she had given her body to him, their passion had been gentle but breathtaking in its intensity. He had been her first, but she never really gave him her heart. He had loved her so completely and now she belonged to another. He had always been jealous of Kyp Durron and thenZekk because they shared something with her that he never would. Now, he wondered, as he picked up the bottle of fine Chiss wine and stared into the last of the deep red liquid, if it would have hurt so much if she had been with Kyp or Zekk. At least they would have loved her and would know how to take care of her.
Jaina required a strong hand, someone who could stand up to her, and yet be gentle and understanding. He wondered if her new husband knew how to truly love their Goddess.
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show.
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control.
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain;
To hell with my pride:
Let it fall like rain from my eyes.
Tonight I wanna cry.
Fin