Eleven

Olivia would open up to Elliot on the night before Thanksgiving.

She, Elliot, Noah and Eli had spent the afternoon and evening making cannoli's to bring to the meal tomorrow. Despite the mess and chaos that cooking with two small children created, it had been a lot of fun. It took a while to settle both boys down for bed, but finally they were fast asleep and it was just her and her partner.

Olivia stood in her bathroom, in front of the sink, looking into the mirror. She knew that she had to open up to Elliot now, before tomorrow when she would be among his whole family again. And Olivia wanted to open up to him. She knew that he would listen and support her, but she hated that she had waited until the last moment.

A soft knock on the door broke her train of thought. "Liv?" Elliot called softly through the door. "You ok in there?"

Taking a deep breath, Olivia nodded at herself in the mirror and turned to open the door. There stood Elliot, dressed for bed wearing only a pair of sweatpants, while she wore one of his T-shirts. Immediately upon opening the door, Olivia pulled him into a hug, burying her face against his neck. Sensing her need for him, be it comfort or reassurance or something else, Elliot held her tightly to him, kissing her head a few times before murmuring, "Let's get into bed."

He led her to the bed – their bed, really, because it was very rare that they spent a night apart now – and soon they sat on top of the comforter, facing each other. Elliot held her hands and, seeing that Olivia was struggling for a way to begin, he broke the ice with something he knew would get her talking: a direct question.

"Are you excited about tomorrow, Liv?"

"Yes, I am, Elliot," answered Olivia firmly, because it was the truth. "Please don't question that. I love every member of your family so much, I always have, and it's been wonderful having them back in my life and now in Noah's life, too."

Elliot nodded, squeezing her hands before kissing them in gratitude. He then met her eyes again and asked, "But I know something has been on your mind since we met the twins. Did something happen that day, Liv, that's stuck with you?"

Olivia sighed and nodded. "It's…something your mother said to me." Squeezing his hands when he furrowed his brow, Olivia continued, "It wasn't anything bad or insulting, I promise. It was actually very sweet. It just…" Taking another deep breath, Olivia said to his hands, "She apologized to me, and when I told her she had nothing to be sorry for, she denied it and said that everybody did. For not being there for me when I needed…" Her voice drifted off, knowing that he would understand what she meant.

When he let a ragged breath out, Olivia lifted her gaze back to his face. The remorse that ravaged it made her heart crack. "Liv…I will never…forgive myself…for not being there for you when you needed me most."

Olivia nodded. Though she had forgiven him for his absence and silence, she knew that this would be a burden Elliot would always carry and try to bear.

Elliot spoke again when he'd composed himself, a new thought striking fear in his heart. "Did…did what she say trigger you at all?"

"No, thankfully, no," said Olivia. "If it had, I would have told you sooner or you would have found out. I just…Elliot, I need to know…"

Olivia took a moment to find the right words, and Elliot waited patiently, though he held on tightly to her hands as he did so.

"You were abroad and working when it happened, and I believe you when you say you had no idea until I told you in my letter…but the story was all over the news at the time in the tri-state area. Your family had to have known…why didn't they ever tell you?"

Elliot slowly nodded, taking his own deep breath before speaking. "I did speak to Kathy and the older kids about that the day after our first phone conversation. I won't lie and say I was exactly calm when I showed up demanding answers…Once I calmed down enough to hear them out, they explained as best they could.

"At the time, I was working a case with my task force on a terrorist threat in Rome. I even went under for two weeks, because it was the only way to nail them in the end. I had to make due sending Eli a good-night text for a while. By the time the leaders were taken down, you'd been found…"

Elliot clenched his jaw and ran a hand over his face before speaking again.

"They wanted to tell me, and they wanted to reach out to you, too. Why they didn't do either…I'll tell you what they told me and, for the record, I believe them. Why they didn't reach out to you is because they didn't know how. Not after two years of silence and when I wasn't there. I blame myself for that. I'd cut you out of my life and that made it that much harder for everyone to do so…they felt like they'd be going behind my back."

Olivia nodded, having already guessed that much. "For that, I don't blame them. I honestly don't know how I would have reacted seeing any of them, especially if you weren't there. I was so raw then…I would have been either thrilled or pissed, nothing in between. Probably for the best that we never found out."

Elliot nodded before continuing. "As for why they never told me…At that point, I'd been sober for nearly two years. They were afraid that the news – and the fact that I hadn't been there – would throw me off the wagon. They also weren't sure how you would react if I just showed up again so soon after what happened to you. They didn't know how much contact, if any, that I'd had with you since I'd gotten sober and moved away. I think they were afraid that it really had been nothing and would be all the more reason to reach for the bottle again…"

Olivia absorbed this information and shut her eyes. It broke her heart to know that Elliot had – however briefly – gone down the route that had ultimately killed her mother. And she was so proud of him for staying sober. Once she'd had a few minutes to truly take all of this in, her next words surprised Elliot:

"I'm glad that they didn't tell you, El."

His eyebrows shot up and he looked as though a brick fell on his head. "W-what? Liv, how can you –"

"I was the reason my mother drank. I couldn't bear it if I was a reason you drank." Her face paled. "Wait…I guess I already was the first time –"

Elliot stopped her mouth by grabbing her face and kissing her none too gently. "Listen to me, Olivia," he pleaded, his eyes boring into hers and his forehead pressed to hers. "You were not – were never – a reason that I drank. It was me, my actions, shooting Jenna and feeling I couldn't do the job anymore. It was all me. Ok?"

Olivia nodded as he brushed away her tears. She then crawled onto his lap and hugged him tightly, and he did the same.

"Thank you for telling me, El. I just needed to know. We can't change the past, no matter how much we wish we could."

"I know," he murmured into her hair. "I do know, Liv. It's just…"

"A daily battle, I know. And when you fight that battle, do what I do."

"What do you do?"

Olivia pulled her head back enough to hold his face in her hands. "Look at where we are and what we have now."

A smile came on Elliot's face as he leaned in to kiss her, his hands sliding beneath her shirt and up the warm skin of her back. "And I wouldn't change any of it for the world, Liv."

The next day proved to be both what Olivia had expected and so much more than that. Maureen's home was warm, messy and alive with family dynamics. Kathy and Bernie were in charge of the kitchen, chasing Elliot and Richard out whenever they tried to sneak in to sample the goods during the commercial breaks of the football game playing on TV. Lizzie and Kathleen set the table and took orders from their mother and grandmother like loyal soldiers. Andrew and Karl were keeping Eli and Rosie entertained with blocks and coloring.

Noah eventually joined them after a while. He'd been a bit overwhelmed by so many people at first, but soon couldn't resist joining his buddies. Olivia, meanwhile, sat with Maureen and helped her with her babies. Since confiding with Elliot the previous night, Olivia felt much better and was able to enjoy the twins fully. They were truly adorable, and Olivia laughed to see their resemblance to Elliot when they scrunched up their faces before loudly asking for milk.

When the meal was finally ready, everyone gathered around the dining room table (Eli and the toddlers were at a card table close by Kathy's seat while the twins napped in their bassinets by Maureen's seat). Elliot led the blessing for the meal, placing special emphasis on how grateful he was that everyone he loved was under the same roof today while squeezing Olivia's hand beneath the table. As expected, all of the food was wonderful and the conversation just as good. Never once did Olivia feel like an outsider.

This was truly her family.

After the meal, everyone gathered in the living room to watch 101 Dalmatians, which was playing on TV. Noah, however, only lasted a few minutes before nodding off on Olivia's lap. Karl said she could lay Noah down in their guest room, since Maureen was feeding the twins in their room. So Olivia excused herself and carried Noah upstairs.

Once Olivia had laid Noah on the bed and tucked a blanket around him, she remained sitting beside him on the bed, stroking his brown hair that had recently begun to curl. Her sweet boy…he would become a handsome man one day, she just knew it. She wondered what his passions would be…perhaps something with music or the stage? Noah positively lit up when music played or a musical was on TV, always trying to dance along…

The sound of the door opening caused Olivia to look up, and she saw Kathy standing in the partially open doorway. "Everything ok?" she murmured.

Olivia nodded. "Yes…sorry, have I been in here long?"

"A little while, yeah," said Kathy, entering the room and shutting the door behind her. She smiled at the sight of the sleeping Noah, carefully sitting on the bed beside Olivia. "He's going to be two soon, right?"

"Two weeks," said Olivia, giving Kathy a twinkling look. "A few days after your wedding."

Kathy closed her eyes, a dreamy smile coming over her face. "My wedding…" Shaking her head with a soft chuckle, Kathy opened her eyes and looked at Olivia. "Has Elliot ever told you about our wedding?"

"In bits and pieces," said Olivia. "I got the impression that you guys had a lovely church wedding, complete with the white dress and flowers and reception, despite the, uh, timing."

Kathy laughed and nodded. "Never underestimate Catholics when they feel the need to make things right with the Lord. Elliot and I were married within a month of me finding out I was pregnant. My older sister had gotten married the previous year and was able to lend me her dress; I hadn't really begun to show yet so that wasn't a problem. Some good family connections on both sides got us decorations and a reception venue in record time. The only thing not lovely about it was how terrified the bride and groom were."

Olivia listened silently, glad that she didn't feel any lingering feelings of envy or resentment about the past as she did so. "I can understand that…"

Something in her tone gave Kathy pause and she looked at Olivia more closely. "Did you…?"

"I had a pregnancy scare in college," confided Olivia. "The relationship I was in wasn't serious, and I only had my mother…but it turns out my period was just extremely late. I won't deny how relieved I was."

"Of course, you were," said Kathy, taking her hand.

Olivia squeezed her hand gratefully before changing the subject. "Is everything ready for your special day?"

Kathy smiled again. "I think so. Since both Andrew and I already had big church weddings, we're more than happy for the small ceremony surrounded by our families. I want the day to be as much about them as it is us."

Olivia smiled. "And how about the upcoming move? Have you two started looking at places yet?"

"Just online right now," said Kathy. "We'll hire a realtor after Christmas."

Olivia couldn't contain what she had wanted to say to Kathy anymore. Covering their joined hands with her free hand, Olivia said, "Kathy…I want you to know something. Last night, I asked Elliot something that had been on my mind longer than I thought, and that was why none of you told him what happened to me two years ago, either immediately or later."

Kathy's expression crumbled, and she looked down at their hands with shame. Olivia, though, squeezed her hands and silently urged Kathy to meet her eyes again.

"I understand, Kathy. Please know that. You were trying to do right thing, and it was out of love for both of us. I don't want to think about what my reaction would have been if I'd seen any of you in that aftermath. So please know that there's nothing to forgive either you or the kids for."

Kathy let out a wet breath of relief and impulsively hugged Olivia, who hugged her tightly back. When they broke apart, Olivia gave Kathy a reassuring smile. "Let's leave the past in the past. There's so much to look forward to for this family."

"Our family, Liv," corrected Kathy.

And finally, finally, Olivia believed it.

A few minutes later, Kathy convinced Olivia to rejoin the rest of the family. She promised to stay with Noah until he woke up (since he was unfamiliar with this room, Olivia hadn't wanted him to wake up alone), wanting to have some rest herself after having spent all day on her feet in the kitchen.

Lizzie was the first to spot her. She immediately got up from the sofa, freeing up the space beside Elliot. Motioning for her to sit down, Lizzie said, "Come on, Liv. The part that reminds me of you and Dad is coming up soon."

Curious, Olivia gladly sat down beside Elliot. His arm immediately came around her, making Olivia smile.

The climax of 101 Dalmatians (the animated original, not the live-action remake) was well underway. Pongo and Perdita had finally arrived at the De Vil mansion to rescue their stolen puppies. Lizzie, who had seated herself on the floor beside Eli, turned to the two of them and said, "When I was a kid, this next scene always reminded me of you two. I imagined that's what you two were like on the job."

Even more curious, Olivia and Elliot turned their attention to the TV screen. Just as Horace and Jasper were about to start killing the puppies, Pongo and Perdita burst through the window – terrible snarls on their faces – and proceeded to kick both of the two idiots' butts while the puppies escaped. When the scene was over, Eli turned to his father and Olivia with a look of awe on his face.

"Wow! Is Lizzie right? Is that what you two were like when you worked together?"

Blushing, Olivia turned her head to look at Elliot. He was looking at her with pride and adoration. "We were even better, son," he replied.

Eli turned his attention back to the screen, so he didn't see or hear Olivia's soft reply as she snuggled against Olivia's side. "Yeah…and we're even better now."

Elliot kissed the crown of her head.

A/N: I recently watched the animated 101 Dalmatians, and I couldn't help but think of our two detectives during the scene where the parents rescue their puppies. Try it - it will make you smile.