"Michael, I'm done in the field," Sitting up in bed, Nikita informed her husband. That had been the only thing on her mind for days. Ever since she couldn't truly help Mia, she had been contemplating how her own future would look. There weren't any guarantees. Alex was shot trying to protect her, and Mia died trying to do the right thing. Even good intentions received horrible punishments. Nikita couldn't keep blasting her way through the field without facing consequences (she already was, technically). She had to change something before it all bit her in the ass. Taking a step back as an agent was her best solution.
Jolting out of his doze, Michael stared sleepily and confusedly at his wife. He knew something had been on her mind, and that she was hiding something from him. He planned on simply giving her space until she was ready to share. Nikita always talked to him about her thoughts eventually; though, usually, she waited until at least the morning. If she woke him in the middle of the night, the thoughts must've been burning in her mind. Nikita was absolutely serious. Of course Michael would wake himself up more to listen, "You want out?"
"No. I'm going to stay in Division. The best chance at a real life for us and others is to stay and fight. I think it'd just be better for both of our anxieties if I stayed out of the field," Although Nikita continued to be a more than capable agent, able to take care of herself and others, her situation was drastically different. She couldn't behave or act the same; she had seen what had happened when she did. She couldn't let things like that occur again.
"I'm not gonna argue with you. But what are you going to do instead?" Michael turned on the bedside lamp as he wondered. He wanted to study his wife's features while they had that conversation. He really wasn't going to argue with Nikita. Her staying out of the field was not only wonderful for their anxieties, but also in general. Nikita's and their unborn baby's health could be well protected inside Division. However, it wasn't like her to just sit and do nothing. She had to find some way to stay active.
"I can help Ryan. I can plan missions, gather intel, facilitate training, organize teams, run drills. Basically what Fletch did in Division before he took over," Nikita laid out her thoughts as rationally as possible. She didn't want to be misunderstood regarding her decision. It helped that Michael would agree with whatever she said; though, there wasn't any doubt about that. Her husband would support her with anything, especially when it was something he also wanted.
What Nikita really needed help with was informing their team of her decision. The news of the baby had to remain a secret, mostly for safety's sake by that point. Sean and Alex knew the big secret, and look how terribly that was affecting them. Sean was a nervous wreck, holding tightly onto thoughts he dared not express. And Alex took a bullet for her pregnant friend, nearly getting herself killed. The rest of their team members couldn't fall to the same fate. But what could Nikita's excuse for changing positions possibly be.
Michael had no idea. He understood why Nikita was so pressed about venting her thoughts right then and there. The two had agreed to do everything regarding their baby together. They had been a little lax about some of the things they had to prepare for since they were expecting. They mostly just had plans in place- loose plans, but they were still there. Michael and Nikita really had to start making changes and making their plans more concrete. A baby on the way wasn't something to screw around with. The couple had to be smart, "So our cover would be that after the mess of the last few missions, we need someone in charge of operations?"
"Ryan would appreciate that," Nikita scoffed. Ryan was stretching himself thin by placing himself in charge of Division and attempting to run their various missions. 'Attempting' was the operative word. He hadn't been able to get control of any of his agents. Nikita and Alex- and Michael and Sean by extension- never listened. Even Birkhoff and Sonya were doing their own thing at times. The team seriously had to get a hold of themselves. Maybe with Nikita in charge they could; it had worked when they were rogue. Whatever happened, it had to be different. They couldn't keep surviving against the Dirty Thirty if they didn't change.
Nikita collapsed against her pillows, sighing hotly. She had to stop forcing her mind to race with those thoughts. She could feel the stress inch its way across her heart, closing her throat, once again. Placing her hand on her stomach, she tried to soothe her rising nausea. Michael curled into her side and laced his fingers through hers. Their thumbs lazily tripped over each other. Although she didn't stop touching her husband, Nikita shook her head. Her pregnancy wasn't getting any easier like he had said, "Isn't this supposed to be fun?"
"This part? No. This is stressful and painful and absolute hell," Michael admitted, tenderly caressing his wife's lower abdomen. He remembered how rough the first trimester had been for Elizabeth with the stress, morning sickness, and need to plan. Yet, he had been there for his late wife just like he'd be there for Nikita. Yes, they were different circumstances, the present being so much worse. But Michael was still ready for his family to be as happy, loving, and healthy as possible, "But that just makes the rest of it so much more exciting. We're gonna have a family together. A family full of so much love and joy. Just wait and see."
Grinning softly, Nikita kissed her husband's forehead. She knew she could always rely on him. She simply hoped his promises would come true. Before she could become pessimistic again, Michael wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her securely into him. She couldn't help but giggle at his antics. Fortunately, that helped her finally settle down. Nikita and Michael could share kisses and fall back asleep, knowing they'd make certain it'd all be okay.
"Hey Alex, can we talk?" Sean asked the instant Alex exited the bathroom into their bedroom. She regarded him curiously as she slowly made her way to the bed. He had offered to help her around the apartment while her dominant right arm was in a sling, but she refused to let him. She could manage on her own. As much as Sean wanted to argue with her about that, he knew the fight wouldn't have been worth it. They had other important things to discuss. He needed her to actually listen to him with an open mind instead of in annoyance.
"What is it?" Climbing into bed, Alex implored. She knew Sean had been thinking intently about something. Since she had been shot, he seemed to be holding back on something. A part of her could guess what it was about. Yet, she'd let her boyfriend tell her. It'd be good for him to open up to her. They had had problems with communication in the past. The two couldn't allow that to continue in their future, not when there were so many other problems they faced.
"You know, we don't have to be in Division," Remaining in the middle of their bedroom, Sean brought up an old conversation. The couple had already put that discussion behind them. They came to a decision that it was better to help others. Well, Alex had come to that decision. Sean went along with it to appease her. However, recently, he was beginning to have doubts. How could they save and protect others when their lives were at stake as well. She had almost died because of a rash and dangerous mission. They couldn't keep doing that. They weren't always going to be lucky.
Alex glared from her perch against the pillow. She had been confused as to why Sean didn't join her in bed. But as he shuffled on the floor and admitted his thoughts, she quickly understood. She couldn't believe he'd bring that up again. With the missions they had just had, shouldn't he have realized how important she was to Division- how important both of them were. Their friends needed them. Innocents needed them. They weren't allowed to be selfish. It didn't matter how scary things had become, "This conversation again?"
"But we should stay. It wouldn't be fair of us to run and start our lives when the others can't. We can't start our own family when Michael and Nikita are struggling to start theirs," Sean continued before Alex could become too worked up. Although he wanted to leave Division far behind him, he knew he couldn't. Revenge missions might've been over with, yet lives couldn't start just yet. Just because he and his girlfriend could rush right back into their old lives, didn't mean their friends could. Besides, could Sean and Alex really return to where they had come from. Too much had happened. They had to face a new future together instead.
"What are you getting at?" Alex eventually settled on asking. Her thoughts ran wild upon hearing 'our own family'. Was Sean thinking about marrying her and someday having kids. She thought the same about him, so it wouldn't have been a surprise if he was. However, she was tired and still recovering from a bullet wound. She was not in the position for that conversation. Maybe in a few days when her head was on straight, but that moment was terrible.
"I thought about leaving and taking you with me. You were shot, and I freaked. I just don't want you getting hurt again," Finally joining his girlfriend in bed, Sean shared the thoughts he had been holding onto. Alex nearly sighed in relief. They weren't going to have the family talk that night- great. She could far more easily handle Sean considering they run away from danger in her current state. It helped that a part of her knew he had been thinking about it. Alex had seen it all over his face in Medical. He was so worried about her.
Gently caressing Sean's cheek, Alex moved closer to him in their bed. He helped her, resting his hands on her waist. She did her best to convey with her determined and affectionate expression that it was okay; their only solution wasn't to run. He didn't seem to buy the look in her eyes, however. So, she kissed him sweetly and quietly reassured, "I had to see you get shot too, remember. It's one of the scariest things in the whole world. But that doesn't mean we run. We're all better together."
Sean had to kiss Alex again. Her touch was the one sure thing to calm his erratic heart. Hearing her, feeling her, breathing her in, it was how he could believe she was truly there. Things could be great with her in his life. Yet, things had to change within Division to make that last. They weren't rogues anymore; they were facing harsher consequences. If the circumstances were different, then the team had to be as well. It was the only way they could all survive and reach that happily ever after they all talked about, "I know. Just stay right here, okay? Let's communicate and not take risks. We have to be better."
"Okay," Nodding, Alex breathed against Sean's lips. That was an easy promise for her to make. She could be better in the field and with her team. She could listen, think, plan, do all the things a great agent should. She could also ensure her teammates did the same. The rest of the Dirty Thirties could be taken down far more efficiently and with less damage. Then, the couple could have more chances to kiss tenderly in bed together.
The two would have to have the 'we gotta change' conversation with the rest of their team- most notably, Michael and Nikita. Yet that could wait until the morning. The others were no doubt already thinking the same as Sean and Alex. Their recent mission had everyone torn up inside. But they had survived to live another day. They could use that time to be better. The agents could actually learn from their mistakes and stop rushing out into the field. For their peace of mind, they had to be smart and different. Alex and Sean were committed to that. The others had to be as well.