Disclaimer: I don't own Cl or Whose Line, or John Wayne.
This story was on the site earlier but someone got it kicked off so here it is. Re-posted. Ryan Warnich and Kevin Narid are my oc's so don't ask me about them.
Whose line is it Anyway?
" Good evening everybody and welcome to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' On tonight's show, '100 natural', Jeremy Belpois!" Says the host as Jeremy gives a thumbs up.
" 'Made from fresh fruit.' Ryan Warnich!" Ryan gives the 'who me?' gesture.
" 'Straight from the valley.' Ulrich Stern!" Ulrich laughs in embarrassment.
"And, 'I can't believe it's not butter.' Odd Della Robbia!" Odd sticks his hand in the water picture and swirls it around.
"And I'm your host Kevin Narid, come on, let's have some fun." Says Kevin as he walks down to his desk. " Hello and welcome to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are like the words in a Victoria's Secret catalog to men. They just don't matter. If you haven't seen the show before these guys are going to make up everything you see here right off their top of their heads and we give them points which don't mean a thing. Then we pick a fake winner and they get to do a little something special with me. I can't tell you what it is, but let's just say the censor will get a real work out. Let's get tonight started with a game called 'Weird News Casters.' This is for all four of you." All four people get up and Jeremy and Ryan sit on the stools in the front.
"In this game, Jeremy will be hosting a news show, his co-anchor is Ryan. Ryan you are reading out of the anchor's diary. Ulrich, you're doing the sports you are getting bad reception in your headset that provides your lines. Odd, you're the weather guy and you turn into another celebrity every ten seconds. Go on ahead." Says Kevin.
"Hello and welcome to channel sixty-twelve news. I'm your host Frank Lee Dontgiveacrap." Says Jeremy. "Tonight's top story: A pig fell on Ryan Warnich A.K.A. Ry Guy, today, just as a mob boss wanted it with the help of his friends at the deli shop. The evidence proves that the mob boss went to the deli shop and ordered a ham on rye. Now on to my co-anchor Colin Collect."
"Tonight's top story," Says Ryan as he pretends to turn pages and winks at the camera, "Frank got drunk and paraded naked through the streets of New York last week screaming in Pig Latin." Jeremy's eyes widen.
" Well, cough, on that note let's go on to sports with Will Screwup." Says Jeremy.
" Thanks Frank. Today in sports…um," Ulrich taps his ear. "That will be $4.95, please drive up to the next window. No, I mean," Ulrich then starts to sing. "Cause she's bittersweet, she knock me off my feet. No, this isn't me. Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myre wiener. Ah! Back to you!" Screamed Ulrich.
" This just in, tomorrow there will be a new sports caster. " Says Jeremy.
Ryan pretends to flips to the next page, " Ryan Warnich is so hot on Whose Line." Ryan looks confused.
Jeremy starts to strangle Ryan. "Now on to weather with Pierre Causehedontgottapee."
"Hello out there and we have some good weather today." Says Odd as his head twitches and he starts talking in a raspy voice. "Hey, Hey, Hey. Weather's looking good today." His head twitches again and talks with deep voice that goes from low to high. "You know what? The weather is like jello-pudding pops. Ya know with the sun and the cloud and aw you know what I'm talkin' about." His head twitches again and starts talking like John Wayne. "As you can see, the winds are lookin' preety calm. The rain will be coming in around next week." Once again his head twitches and he makes a buzzing noise. "That was great a thousand points a piece and back to you."
"Well that's all the time we have. Stay tuned at the same time for the same news." Says Jeremy.
Ryan pretends to flips another page. "I can't wait to snuggle in my new pink, fairy princess, PJ's." The game ends and everyone heads back to their seats.
"Odd, for that remark I'm not gonna give you squat!" Said Kevin. "Okay let's move on to a game called 'News Flash.' This is for Ryan, Ulrich and Odd." Ryan and Ulrich sit at stools and Odd runs in front of a huge green screen. " In this game Odd, you'll be a field reporter covering a breaking news story. He's in front of a green-screen, so he can only see green but through the magic of television, we can see what will be going on behind him. Ryan and Ulrich will give him hints as anchors in the studio and go on ahead."
"And the guy says 'Know her? She's having my baby.' Oh. We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin. We have Odd Della Robbia out in the field. Odd can you hear us?" Says Ryan.
(Behind him is filmed shots of poisonous spiders.)
"I can barely hear you over what is going on behind me." Says Odd.
"Odd how did all this begin?" Says Ulrich.
"Well, it all started when someone took the last donut and then this happened." Says Odd as he points to a spider jumping at the camera.
"Odd, why?" Said Ulrich.
"Well, why not. There's nothing really better to do." Says Odd.
"Odd, do you fear for your life in any way?" Says Ryan.
"No, not really. I wore clean underwear so I think I'm fine. And I brought an extra pair just in case."
"What happens if it gets you?" Says Ryan.
"Well, I'll give it a stern lecture and send it to bed without supper."
"Can you give us an extra leg on what's happening?" Says Ulrich.
"Well, over here it seems okay. But as we go over here we see things that'll make you think twice about eating a well-balanced breakfast."
"Odd, just looking at this gives me the creepy crawlies. How about you?" says Ryan.
" Are you kidding?" Odd says as he starts to scream, "Look at it! I think I might need that extra pair of underwear."
"Boy, good thing you were an exterminator." Says Ulrich.
"Yes… I think if I use my expertise I can get out of here safely."
"Can you give us a web of your ideas." Says Ryan.
"Right now I couldn't even tell you what's behind me." Says Odd.
"Odd, do you have any idea what's behind you?" Asks Kevin.
"Some…poisonous spiders?"
"Right!" Says Kevin as everyone heads back to their seats. "Hey, Odd can I borrow that underwear after the show."
"Sure thing, Kev."
"Let's move on to a game called 'Whose line'." Says Kevin as Ulrich and Odd come to the front of the stage. In this game Odd and Ulrich will do a scene but they'll come in with these lines written by the audience. The scene is: Football player, Ulrich, is training with his coach, Odd."
"Okay let's try your skills again. One potato, two potato, three potato…" Says Odd.
"This won't help me win."
"Derek, when I was little my coach told me something before my championship game." Odd says as he takes out a piece of paper. "He said, 'What you talking about Willis?' I wasn't really on the team and I tried to sneak on but…"
"Your name's Willis? I'm having trouble understanding the battle chant you taught me." He takes out a piece of paper. "You know when I have to say, 'My head is like a bowl of onions!'"
" It makes them think you're a little coo-coo in the head. You know Keith or Derek or whoever you are, my father used to tell me something before every game." Says Odd as he takes out another piece of paper. "He'd look me straight in the eyes and say 'Now you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.' "
"You know before every game my old coach would get me a burger and say," Ulrich took out a piece of paper, " 'Watch out, this baby's gonna blow.' Then he just blew up!"
"I want you to say something to the fans when you get out there. I want you to look at them and scream," Odd takes out another piece of paper, " 'There's a bun in my oven!' "
" Okay, I think I'll just stick with the team cheer. You know the one that goes." Ulrich takes out another piece of paper. " 'My pants are on fire! All hail Kevin Narid!' Wait what? Kevin!" Kevin buzzes the game over and smiles guiltily and the two head back to their seats.
"He, he, he, life's good from behind the desk." Says Kevin. "Okay let's go on to a game called 'Two Line Vocabulary.' This is for Ryan, Odd and Jeremy. In this game Odd and Ryan can only say two lines, but Jeremy can speak freely. The scene is: on the moon, the space crew has to explore an alien spacecraft. Ryan your two lines are 'No thanks, I'm fine.' And 'Why does he got one of those?' Odd your lines are 'I want to see.' And 'Should of seen that coming.' "
"Okay guys. Let's go on inside. Here's your gun Ryan." Says Jeremy.
" No thanks, I'm fine." Says Ryan.
"Here Odd." Says Jeremy.
"Why does he got one of those?" Says Ryan.
"You didn't want one." Says Jeremy.
"Should of seen that coming." Says Odd.
"Alien!" Screams Jeremy.
Odd pushes Jeremy away, "I want to see."
Jeremy points ahead. "It's right in front of us. Look!"
"No thanks, I'm fine." Says Ryan.
"You don't have a choice in the matter."
Ryan points to the alien's nose. "Why does he got one of those?"
"So he can smell."
"I want to see." Says Odd.
"It's right in front of you!" Screams Jeremy at Odd.
Odd points at Jeremy. "Should of seen that coming."
"It's going to give us our deaths!"
" No thanks, I'm fine." Says Ryan.
Jeremy pretends to get shot.
Ryan taps Odd and points to the shot wound. "Why does he got one of those?"
Odd shoves him aside, "I want to see." He gestures to Ryan to have a look.
Ryan moves away with a grossed out look on his face, "No thanks, I'm fine."
Odd points to the wound, "Should of seen that coming."
Kevin buzzes the game over. "We'll be right back with more 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' We'll find out who the winner is, so don't go away!"
(After the break)
"Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' Tonight's winners are Ryan and Ulrich. We get to do a game called 'Three headed Broadway Star.' In this game we have to make up a song one work at a time for a famous Broadway musical. What's the musical called?"
Odd reads a card, "Dirt in my Shoes."
(Author's note: I'm just gonna space out the words. The people singing will go in this order, Ryan, Kevin, Ulrich.)
"There
Is
Dirt
In
My
Shoes.
I
Feel
Like
A
Worm.
The
Dirt
In
My
Shoes
Is
My
Destiny!
Dirt
In
My
Shoes.
And
Dirt
Can
Not
Lose.
The
Soil
In
My
Toes."
All three of them start singing in a high tone.
"Makes
Me
Weird!"
"Thanks for watching 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' Good night!" Says Kevin.
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