8
Sally did wind up with her full bag. They all did. Cat had perfected trick or treating to an exact science. He knew which houses to go to. Most people walked the main drag but Cat took to the side streets with a vengeance journeying down the deepest cul-de-sacs to the houses visited by few. Often they would hand out much more candy, buying the same amount as the houses above, but with far less people to give it too. Duo was surprised by how well it worked. They often paired off into teams, running to assigned houses so that all could be hit on a street, they gave out far more then enough sweets. They all returned to Cat's house about eleven, pouring their bags out on the carpet of the living room.
"Okay, I hate laffy taffy, so don't give me any. Whoever wants mine can have it."
"I call Snickers!" Trowa put in.
"You can't have them all." Wufei protested as the two began dealing out equal measurements. Duo watched the proceedings with interest. Quickly people put corners on their favorites and offered up what they disliked. He leaped into the fray, scouring the piles for musketeer bars which no one had claimed yet. By the end of the frenzy they all had about equal piles of candy sitting in front of them and the intervening floor was clean save for one lonely box of Haals cough drops. And a tooth brush.
"I wonder if those were both intentionally given. Some adults are just weird." Sally groused.
"Who wants to bet they're dentists." Dorothy joked, reaching for the cough drops. "I don't want a sore throat for choir right?" she explained. Cat shrugged.
"I don't want em." Everybody else agreed and Dorothy dropped the bag on top of her pile of candy.
"Well that's a wrap." She declared. Everybody sat back admiring their loot, then methodically stuffed it back in their bags and one by one went to call parental units for pick up.
"That was fun." Duo commented to no one in particular. "We should definitely do this again next year." The rest of the room gave general agreement. Dorothy's parents arrived shortly and picked the girls up. They'd drop Relena off on the way home. Sally could walk home, but Dorothy's dad said he'd just drop her off too. Wufei's mother arrived a few minutes after that but spent an hour in the kitchen talking with Cat's oldest sister while the boys played video games. She eventually called down the stairs to collect Wufei. Then just the four of them were left. Duo hadn't actually been playing the game since the first few rounds and he and Cat talked idly while the other two tried to shoot each other first. Finally Trowa admitted defeat.
"You're too good Yuy. Anybody up for a game of cards? I need to beat someone at something." He groaned.
"I think not buddy, don't want my card shark reputation ruined." Duo declined.
"I know!" Cat exclaimed, "We can play strip poker." Duo pantomimed whacking him over the head.
"I think not. You're a wonderful guy Cat but I don't need to see you naked." Duo turned to the other two, "When are you guys going home anyways?" Trowa looked at his watch which read 12:06
"I'm not. My mother knows I'm probably over here. It'd be a pain for her to come get me at this hour. I'll just stay." He shrugged. They all looked expectantly at Heero.
"Well, I couldn't get through to my mom. The phone machine died again. It's too late to walk home. She'd kill me if I did. If I can I'll just stay here?"
"Um…okay." Quatre agreed, turning to the other two. "Okay with you two?" Trowa shrugged. Duo wouldn't have even thought of saying no, and didn't.
"Sure! The more the merrier, right?" Cat nodded agreement.
Cat had a big house. It looked big no matter what angle you saw it from. The front was wide and two stories tall, it often reminded Duo of the pictures he'd seen of old southern plantations, only maybe a little smaller. All the previous times he'd had sleepovers at Cat's, when they were little, they'd slept upstairs. Back then Cat's bed would dwarf them, it still could probably fit three people, but Duo was glad they were going to the basement. As nice as Cat's down comforters and massive bed were, he didn't fancy sleeping in the same bed as Cat and Trowa, even if they did promise to keep to themselves. Cat's downstairs was furnished like the rest of the house. It was less of a basement, more just another floor. There were pull-out futon couches, and a thick shag carpet. One of Cat's many sisters' pianos sat in a corner, next to his mother's organ. Cat played them all, of course, but only the organ was officially "his". It was a gift for his thirteenth birthday and had taken forever to learn to play. The piano was technically Amrah's, but she let him play it too. The basement functioned as both a music room and a teen hang out, with big screen TV and space to lie about.
They pulled out the two futons. Cat and Trowa claimed one to be theirs and Duo and Heero were left standing, uncertain and looking at each other. Neither had thought to bring a sleeping bag.
"I could sleep on the floor?" Duo offered.
"Um…" Heero glanced around at the carpet.
"I could go dig out a sleeping bag. I'm sure there's one at least buried somewhere up in the attic." Cat offered.
"Uhuh, and when would we get it by?" Duo pointed out. They'd played in the attic as kids, it was stuffed to the roof with boxes and the Winner family held group excavations when they finally really needed a specific item. Some stuff was easy to find. If often used it could be dug out expediently, if not, you were in for a long search. Duo had experienced those long searches first hand.
"I don't really mind." Heero spoke up. He looked between the other three, rolling his shoulders in a shrug. "Long as you don't kill or kick me in my sleep." He addressed Duo.
"I swear. No first degree murder." He said, hand over heart. Cat whacked him with a pillow. "Hey! What was that for?" Duo squawked.
"I don't have to explain the method to my madness." Cat said sticking out his tongue.
"Oh really?" Duo launched his pillow. It just missed Cat and struck Trowa, sitting right behind him, square on the nose.
"This means war!" came Cat's cry. Trowa grabbed the abandoned pillow and started to whack Quatre.
"Hey!"
"Every man for himself." He explained and expertly beaned the side of Duo's face. Before long pillows were flying with terrifying speed. Whoops carried up from the basement. And Cat was once again glad there were so many floors between them and his father's room.
They finally quieted down around three. Lolling over on the futons like discarded dolls and still occasionally shaking with laughter. Cat was propped up against Trowa, and Duo partially on the floor, connected to the futon by his feet. He struggled upright, twisting around in the blanket he'd become ensconced in. He fell fully forward with a thud and rolled around to a sitting position, resting up against the futon.
"So."
"Hmmm?" Trowa returned, carding his fingers through Cat's hair. Duo watched them with a smile. They really were quite adorable. On a whim he got up and ran to the mantel. With a deft flick the TV came to life, thankfully on mute. Duo quickly found the station he was looking for. One of the odd ones that blew down from Canada, it showed a burning log on the giant screen.
"It's a bit big, but since we can't light a real fire…at least it'll give some of the ambience."
Trowa laughed, "I've heard about this station, they play a fire almost all the time right?" Duo nodded. It did give the room a pretty light though. A warm flicker that instilled everything with calm and gold. It reminded Duo of camping, though he'd only gone a few times. He looked over at where Heero was sitting on the futon. He was actually pensively staring at the screen, as if somehow able to absorb warmth, like from a real fire. It definitely made things beautiful Duo decided.
"Hn?" Heero turned, inquiring, to Duo's gaze. Duo shook his head.
"Nada." Heero let his gaze wander back to the fire. Duo stood up, stretched, and sat back down on the futon. He pulled the blanket up to his chin, grabbing another from the base of the futon and spreading it out over the width, Heero could crawl under it if he wanted too. He then fluffed his pillow and plopped down upon it with a sigh. The flickering light on the wall, and the sight of Heero, just on the edge of his vision, sitting, statue-like on his pillow was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.
He wasn't asleep long, and it must not have been very deep, because a shifting of weight on the futon woke him up. Cat was leaning over him to talk with Heero.
"We're just going off for a bit. Baby-sit this one while we're out. Make sure he doesn't actually burn the house down." Cat said. His voice was light, but with an intonation that Duo was unable to decipher as joking or not.
"Mission accepted." Heero replied, wryly.
"Hey!" Duo grumbled as the door clicked shut behind the departing two. "I've never really tried to burn his house down. Seriously the only time I came close was an accident, they only had to replace a bit of the carpet anyways."
"You're awake?"
"Barely." Duo affirmed. Rolling onto an elbow he looked over to Heero. He was still sitting as he had been. His eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light given off by a two small wall plug-ins by the door.
"How long?"
"Hm…an hour at most? Not very long. They turned off the log. Cat said the flickering was driving him nuts. I thought it was nice actually. Can turn it on if you'd like."
"Only if you want to. Aren't you cold?" Duo asked. Cat's family may have been rich, but his father did not believe in heating bills. "If you wanted to be warm you can bundle up." Cat often quoted.
"Now that you mention it…" Heero frowned, rubbing his arms self consciously. Duo sat up with a start, paused a moment for his head to stop swimming and grabbed another blanket. He threw it over the one already down, and pulled it up so Heero could come in.
"I tend to run cold. So I have another. You can always grab a few of your own." Duo explained. Heero looked wary, but then seemed to resolve and slid in beside him. Duo shivered as Heero's feet accidentally brushed his.
"You're an ice cube! How do you do that? I'd be complaining loudly."
"I guess I don't notice unless someone points it out to me." Heero shrugged.
"Well, you can always grab another blanket."
"You said that."
"Oh, well, it's a good idea." Duo drowsily muttered, sliding his head back to the pillow. Silence fell and Duo contented himself with just looking at Heero's face. Eventually Heero asked,
"What's so interesting?"
"Huh?"
"You've been staring at me."
"Oh, I guess I have. Dunno' I just do that sometimes. Not a bad place to rest the eyes. I'm just tried. Ignore me while I space out." Duo rambled, rolling over onto his back. The one unfinished part of the basement was the ceiling. Somewhere along the line a previous owner had started to do something to it, texturing called pop corning, but had stopped only three or four feet into the process. They had used asbestos in the process and now the texture in the right hand corner of the room could not be removed. But the rest of the ceiling was without texture, prepped, with sealant and swaths of base paint along junctures in the boards and construction patterns Duo could not understand. He looked at it as one would at clouds, leading to his next comment.
"There's a giraffe."
"What?" Heero turned, confused. Duo pointed up.
"You see, how you get the neck, that line there, and sort of sponged in feet. That darker circle could be an eye."
Heero stared, "Hn. I guess I see what you're saying; I'd say it's a wolf though."
"That'd be a really long tail, with a kink at the end, but I guess you could see it that way." They stared at the ceiling. Each of them pointing out and disputing animals and trees as they saw them.
"It's a fish."
"It bears no resemblance to a fish whatsoever."
"You're just blind."
"Am not."
"My eyesight is better then yours."
"So?"
"I need glasses."
"Really?" Heero asked, turning his attention of the debated ceiling. Duo squirmed.
"Uh, yeah actually. Just for long distance. But whenever I start driving I need to get them. I can't read the street signs very well you know."
"I never would have guessed."
"Well I don't need them for school and I don't actually have a pair yet. Just the doctor report says that I aught to buy a pair. I never really wanted glasses though."
"I always thought glasses were cool."
"No kidding?"
"My mother wears glasses, supposedly I may too someday. Some of them look nice." Heero offered. Duo smiled in return. There was a pause, and then Heero whispered, "Wufei wears glasses."
"No shit! You're kidding me." Duo's eyes bugged, trying to imagine the Chinese boy in glasses. The image floated into his mind rather easily. It wasn't hard to picture the guy wearing them, whether flashing with anger and righteous passion, or engrossed in a book. "Huh, that actually makes sense." He turned just in time to catch Heero's grin. It was fleeting, but a very nice look on him. Duo was about to say something, probably put his foot in his mouth with some comment on it. Anything to see that whisper of a smile again, but was cut of before he could begin by the snik of the door opening.
"You guys are still awake?" Trowa murmured.
"Yup." Duo replied, turning towards the door.
"When'd you wake up?" Cat asked, padding back to his futon.
"Just as you guys left. Where'd you go?" Duo asked and looked at his watch, "You've been gone 2 and…a half hours?" he was surprised by the amount of time that had passed. It felt like much shorter. It's really late, guess you're slow when you stay up sleepy, things happen more slowly, he thought.
"Around and about. We went and watched the sun come up."
"Wha? Shit. I should be asleep." Duo groaned, flopping over, and almost landing on Heero who quickly moved over.
"Eh, it's not a school day." Cat answered. "Who cares? But you're right; you should probably get some sleep." The two disappeared into the pile of blankets, only Cat's hair was left poking out. It seemed to shine on its own in the dark that fell now all the lights had finally been shut off. Duo turned away from the other two and snuggled down into his pillow.
"Night guys." He whispered. From behind him the only answer was gentle breathing.
"Night Duo." Heero murmured, almost half asleep himself.
"Night Heero." Duo returned, a last sigh before true sleep claimed him. He almost imagined he could hear the first birds singing just above and outside where the sun was already easing the rest of the world awake.
"Oh my god. Never let me pull an all-nighter." Duo moaned upon awakening. He relaxed and lay back from his feeble attempt to lift his head from the pillow. That had been a bad idea. His forehead throbbed with lack of sleep. Some vague edge of thought commented that this was probably something like having a hang over, something he had yet to experience, and if this was what to go by, he didn't want to. Then with a start he realized he'd rested back against something not the bed. What. Behind him, Heero stirred, but only to nestle a little closer. Heero's nose barely brushed the back of Duo's neck. He thought for a minute he was going to implode with laughter from the sensation of Heero's deep nasal breathing across the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck. Heero shifted again and Duo was able to let out his held breath without a trace of mirth. It was not an unpleasant sensation, having Heero there behind him. He wondered how long they'd been curled up like this. Heero shifted and rolled in the opposite direction. Duo felt a bit bereft, but as he watched Heero shifted again. Apparently the boy couldn't keep still. Duo wondered if Heero was ever still for more then five minutes when asleep, and if he had been doing this slow shifting all night. Heero could be so stock-still and statuesque in the day, this nightly dance was almost funny. Duo sat up a bit, letting the blanket slip off his shoulders, still clutching the one of his own, but letting the other two settle their full weight across Heero's prone form. He was really gorgeous Duo admitted. He felt the odd urge to brush Heero's bangs away from his face. Instead he sat, sentinel to Heero's sleep, and watched contented.
Not for long though. Five or six minutes later Quatre came bouncing in. The boy had more morning energy then should be allowed a light bulb. He sang,
"Wake up, wake up you sleepy head. Get up get up get out of bed. Cheer up, cheer up the sun is red. Live, love, laugh and be happy!"
"Can you not be a ray of sunshine?" Duo protested.
"Sorry, I'm the wakey wakey crew. So, what do you want for breakfast this fine afternoon?" He grinned at Duo's bedraggled glare and Heero's more wakeful, grouchy stirring. "We've got bacon and eggs, sausage, cereal, waffles, and I could probably scrounge up pancakes, or an omelet, though that'd probably be considered eggs."
"Do you ever eat just an apple or a small breakfast, not a grand affair?" Duo groused.
"Nope. Breakfast is one of the most important meals of the day. My mother supposedly always said that…not that I'd know!" Cat said, not letting melancholy appear on his face as it threatened to in his overly cheery voice. With a less strained and more normally hyper Cat tone he continued, "Sides you work up hunger sleeping all the time, it's hard work you know? You need to give your body fuel. Bet you're feeling really blarg right?" Cat motioned with his hands, trying to describe, and doing a perfectly good rendition, of Duo's waking feeling.
"I'm actually feeling a little better."
"I'm glad you can say that." Heero muttered as he sat up and gained his bearings.
"Well, food, sugar especially, can help, give you a little kick to start the day. Right?" Cat prodded. Duo found his grin.
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad."
"Not. for. me." Heero glared at Quatre, "You know I don't like that sticky sap on my food, or even near it. I think I'll have something nice and sour, minus the added cups of strychnine."
"Heero, sugar is not strychnine."
"Only in the morning." He said in a serious tone. Cat laughed anyway and ran up the stairs, calling an order of some-sort to the occupier of the kitchen, probably Trowa.
"Sleep well?" Duo asked, finally standing, though still wrapped in his blanket.
"Fine. You?"
"Like a rock. I don't usually wake very easily. My mother used to say I could sleep through a heavy metal performance. I apparently actually did when I was very little. My hearing has never been the same."
"Really?"
"No. My hearings fine. But, yes I did sleep through the Last Exiles when I was one and a half or something like that. I don't know how the Father knows all these stories, but apparently my biological mother went to his church before…" Duo trailed off. Heero looked unsure whether to press a question. He had some idea of Duo's past from talk at school and friends but that didn't qualify as real knowledge in his mind. He let the moment pass.
"Come on, I actually am pretty hungry." He bounded for the stairs. His megawatt grin was already in place. Heero had the slight feeling that somehow he was fleeing the room.
The kitchen upstairs was bright and cheery. One of Cat's many sisters had claimed it as her room to decorate and it had a very unique style. The slanted ceiling of the room was painted blue as sky with puffy white clouds drifting across it. There was one sky light almost at the juncture of the slant showing the gray rain clouds lording over the outside world. The walls of the kitchen were a light butter yellow and the wall space between the cabinets and the counter was painted in a tile pattern. The first time Duo had seen it he'd thought it had been real. One touch was enough to verify it as just a master paint work, but it was still fun to look at, a yellow cream color with every other center containing a blue flower or a pair of red cowboy boots. Cat sat at one of the high stools by the counter that separated the functional area of the kitchen from the adjacent area for tables and chairs. Trowa leaned on the other side of the counter. It was wide enough that often it would be used for a table, rather then the actual one. Cat was happily sipping away at his tea and nibbling biscotti, the remains of syrup, the only sign of the pancakes and sausage that had graced his plate. Trowa shoved off the counter and turned his attention to the newcomers.
"Pancakes are on the griddle there, they haven't gotten too cold yet, syrup's on the table, and sausage is by the pancakes." Duo immediately set to work building his creation. "Yuy, want a grapefruit? We have rice too if you'd like. Or toast?"
"A grapefruit and toast would be fine."
"How can you like those vile things?" Duo asked from where he was buried in the refrigerator. "I can't stand grapefruit unless you add sugar, and that sometimes doesn't even help. Ah!" he stood back, "here it is!" He returned to the counter with a container of whip cream and proceeded to liberally smother his waffle. Heero shook his head in disgust.
"Your teeth are going to rot and fall out."
"Nice to know you care." Duo mumbled around his overfilled mouth.
Heero winced. "Just pointing out the obvious. Do you really enjoy whipped cream on your sausage?"
Cat and Duo shared a look and chorused "Everything's better with sugar."
"Solo always used to say that." Cat explained to Trowa.
"Solo?"
"My bro." Duo said around another mouthful, "Can tuck away more then even I can."
"You should have seen his plate." Cat laughed, "Heero would have blown a gasket. Piled ceiling high, whip cream, strawberries. And sausage."
"Are you sure you're not exaggerating?" Trowa drawled.
"Not by much." Duo verified with a shake of his head.
"What happened?" Heero asked softly. Duo's smile stilled, becoming more plastic. Cat's laughter faded, turning quizzically to Duo. He hadn't heard the full story.
"Oh, well we went our separate way's I guess." His cheer was forced and he quickly took another big bite as an excuse to keep from talking. Cat knew better.
"Helen?" Duo's eyes flashed wide, his head twitched the faintest of nods. He swallowed.
"You know, I'm not all that hungry. Want the rest of mine?" He shoved his plate across the table at Heero who still looked confused, and concerned. "I'm going to go…I'll be outside." Duo cut out. He shoved his chair back and quickly left the room. Heero stared at his abandoned plate.
"Helen?"
"Was his foster mother when I knew him. They were with her for years. We were maybe five when we met. They all moved away when they were about eleven. She went to live with her Uncle Maxwell. Maxwell had known Duo's mother apparently so she wanted Duo at least to get to know him. I didn't see him again till this year. If he's back, and without Helen…well nothing short of death could have separated them. She loved those kids like they were her own." Heero's face was blank and Trowa had a deep, sad look.
"It's really hard when you don't know your family." Trowa murmured. "If I had never met Catherine again after the divorce… I thought I had lost her and mom forever."
"I never even knew my mom. It must be so much worse for Duo. He has the worst of both our cases. He never knew his mother, and the mother and brother he did come to love are now gone."
"Solo's gone too?" Heero asked quietly.
"I don't know. I guess sometimes they have to separate children if no one will take them together. They weren't actually related." Cat shrugged. Heero stared at Duo's empty seat.
"Should I go after him?"
"I don't know." Cat answered. "He may want to be by himself, but you can try." Heero nodded and got up leaving the other two in the silent kitchen.
He found Duo out front, sitting on the steps down to the sidewalk. It was raining lightly and no one was about. His face was wet and his shoulders rocked in time with his quiet sobs. From where he stood on the porch Heero could hear no sound.
"Hey." He said cautiously, approaching Duo's hunched form. He sat down next to Duo. For a few minutes they just sat side by side. Duo's shaking breaths an answer to the rain hissing on the sidewalk. Heero slowly moved a hand to Duo's shoulder. He was unsure whether to offer comfort. Duo accepted his tentative offer, turning and burying his face in Heero's shoulder. Heero wrapped his arm around Duo. He rocked softly like his mother had when ever he cried to her. His shoulder grew gradually damper as Duo's sobs became more vocal, a gulping, constricting sound with a howl just behind it. The rain from the sky dampened his hair and sent drips down off the tip of his nose and the ends of his hair.
"It's okay." He murmured. "It'll be fine." He didn't really know what to say. For all he knew it wouldn't be okay, but he couldn't think of anything else. Gradually Duo's gulps and shaking stilled. He rested limp against Heero's shoulder. Finally with one great sniff he sat up.
"Sorry about that." He said, wiping at his eyes, a grin already stumbling back onto his face. "Stupid and silly to break down like that."
"Hey, hey, stop." Heero shook his head, reaching out and catching Duo's face in his hands, forcing Duo to look at him. "It's not stupid. Cat and Trowa know that too. They know it better then I do. I don't know what it's like to loose someone. Only my Obasan, and that was when I was three. But I do know, it's okay to mourn. It's right to morn. Don't keep it all in here alright. We won't think you're stupid or silly. Just let it be. Okay?" He let go of Duo's face, looking for an answer. Duo slowly nodded with no trace of a smile, just a relaxed open face.
"Okay."
"That's better." Heero withdrew, standing. "We should get back inside before we're both drowned rats." Duo laughed. After all that crying his laugh was clear and while not necessarily cheery it was bright and true. Heero felt a tinge of a smile at that. That was a good laugh. His mind whispered a wish of something, but he didn't get enough of the thought to know what it was. They dashed in from the rain, laughing as they threw water all over the flagstone of the entryway.
After that day Duo felt he was closer to Heero. They would seek each other out at lunch and study during free periods and study hall. They talked and said hello whenever they saw each other, and continued conversations via email. Duo would have put Heero right up with Solo and maybe Cat as his best friend. The problem was: the more time they spent together, the more Duo was aware just how much he liked Heero. When his foster parents were leaving for a weekend or needed somewhere for him to be, they'd call up Heero's mother. It used to be that Duo wound up at Cat's house, but now he was becoming at fixture at Heero's too. Heero's house was far away, but there was a bus that ran almost directly between the two and so it was easy to get there. Heero's mother, Cheryl knew his favorite foods and was delighted with her son's new best friend. Heero's sister took him in and adopted him as her new older brother. He might well have been for the amount of time he spent over there. It was like Heero was his brother, except that Duo knew it was not right to feel this way about any brother no matter how close. When Duo realized this he began to worry. Was he being obvious? What would Heero do if he found out? He was clearly okay with gay guys, Cat and Trowa were his friends, but if someone liked him? Someone he considered almost another sibling. Duo tried to start reigning in his reactions. Noticing how he seemed to go out of his way to be in contact with Heero, slinging an arm around Heero's shoulders or poking him in the side whenever he could. He tried to tone down on everything. But it was so hard. He was a naturally outgoing, friendly person. And he really wanted to tell Heero. It was awful having those feelings cramped up inside of him. He wanted to say 'you're beautiful and amazing' but knew Heero would scoff if he did, and he couldn't let on. Duo quickly became adapt at couching his statements of affection in innocent phrases and ways. Hiding the words I love you in a maze of a picture so you could only see them if you knew where to look, but they were there in the open and visible. It made him felt better, and became a dangerous game he played. How open could he be, but still unseen? He would look for any excuse to call Heero. He sang messages to the other boy's answering machine. Everything he could think of could somehow be related back to Heero. So they talked and spent more time together and Duo learned all he could. The more he learned and discovered about Heero the more he cared for the boy. The more he cared the harder it was to pen things up.
Duo grew frustrated. He became wary of himself and everything around him. One little slip and his secret would be out. He thought of asking Heero's mother for the boy's hand. Felt silly. He thought up stupid plans for how to reveal his secret. Agonized over what Heero might say for hours. He scribbled frantically in notebooks. He made things for Heero, CD's and silly things. When he saw a pretty shell or flower he would think would Heero like this? and possibly bring it back to show him. Everything somehow was about Heero in some way. And yet, he couldn't let Heero know. Every once in awhile there were times where he would wonder and think, Do I really love him? Is it just that we're so close? Am I just confusing how strong our friendship is with love? It was in one of those moments that his secret finally came out.
"Duo? Duo are you alright?" Relena's voice broke into his thoughts. They were supposed to be working on a science project together, but Duo had spent the past ten minutes staring at the elk skull on the table in front of him not saying a word or taking any notes.
"Huh?" He looked up at her worried face. "Oh, I'm fine." He said. She didn't look convinced.
"You're not usually that distracted. Are you sure?"
"Just tired I guess."
"Why?"
"Haven't been sleeping well, too much to think about." He muttered.
"What's on your mind? If you talk about it maybe it'll work itself out easier."
"Oh just stuff…" Relena was having nothing of it. She leaned over the table.
"Don't be stingy I want all the juicy details." Duo opened his mouth to protest, but their teacher swooped down upon them.
"What's this, a blank sheet? Do I need to ask you to leave class or will you actually get around to doing your work after gossiping?" He barked. Duo winced and Relena blushed.
"Sorry." They ducked their heads and set to scribbling not speaking more then a few words on the teeth and length of bones in the skull for the rest of class.
As soon as class was out though, Relena had cornered him again.
"Speak. You have this period free, I'm skipping class, you need to talk." Duo gaped like a fish.
"You're skipping."
"Eh, gotta have at least one failing on your record right? Actually no, I'm off early today. Mrs. Hiensman's sick so I don't have debate; Doro and I are going to her Uncle's cabin this weekend so we're leaving early anyway. He informed the front desk for us. But before we head out I want to know what's going on. You're my friend and I care." Duo chewed on his lip, tugging the tip of his braid. She gently reached over and removed it from his fraying grasp. She hauled him down the stairs after her. They stopped out in the garden behind the school. She plopped down next to the hellebore, motioning to the grass beside her.
"Sit and spill." Duo sat, looking around. No one was near by. Relena looked imploringly at him. "Do I have to guess?"
"Well…I. I'm not sure. How I feel about Heero?" He offered tentatively.
"You don't think you dislike him or something do you. You two are pretty good friends."
"No, it's not that." She waited for him to continue. "He sees me sort of as another brother it seems and I…" Duo looked around again, finally meeting Relena's eyes. "I'm not sure I do." He finished softly. Her brow furrowed.
"Why is that a problem? I mean, you don't live together. Why does it matter if he considers you a brother? Either way you're good friends. I don't mean to be rude, but wouldn't you want him to be family?"
"Yes, but…not like that." Duo murmured. Relena leaned in to hear him.
"Not like wha…" Her eyes lit as realization dawned. "You like him." She crowed. Duo looked wildly around. There was still no one near by.
"Shh…" He motioned. Relena was laughing. She was clutching her gut in a very unladylike manner and nearly rolling around on the ground.
"Hey! It's not funny."
"That boy." she snorted. "He's just emotional trouble on legs isn't he."
"What?" Duo asked confused.
Relena sat up, dusting at her skirt. "He's caused a fair number of people problems. Myself as a primary member of the club." Duo looked quizzical still. "You see, last year I was at an impasse. There was this gorgeous guy I liked, our one and only Heero, and my best friend was also…of interest."
"Dorothy." Duo connected the pieces.
"Yup. Well, I couldn't tell who I liked more. I loved Doro as a friend and maybe something more. I was definitely more physically attracted to Heero so I thought I must be straight, but Dorothy just messed everything up because I felt almost what I felt towards Heero with her. The more I got to know her, the more I understood and could see new sides of her, the deeper the feeling grew. Eventually it surpassed what I felt for Heero. But I'm a little slow." She laughed at the past. "I still didn't say anything. I was so unsure. Then Dorothy got a girlfriend. That was quite a shock. Both that she might be able to return my feelings, and that she was suddenly taken. I got so jealous. I think I hid it very well. She says she didn't pick up on it at all, but I was so torn up inside. I felt I'd lost my chance by not saying anything sooner. Thankfully it didn't last long. It's sad how happy I was to hear that they fell apart. I tried to act like I was sorry for her. I was actually. I wanted her to be happy, but most of all I wanted her to be happy with me. So at the end of last year I finally worked up the guts to say something. And you know what?"
Duo shook his head, "What?"
"She said 'yes' before I had fully asked my question. It was like she somehow knew all along. Of course she didn't really. She had an inkling, but she wasn't going to say anything until she was sure."
"Really?" Duo asked, interested.
"Yes. See, it all worked out in the end."
"But I don't know if Heero's gay." Duo sighed, his spirits drooping again.
"True, but would you rather find out when he gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend? I say strike while the irons hot. I don't think he'd stop being your friend if you told him." Relena said, her eyes sharp and direct. Duo's shoulders still hung and he shook his head.
"I don't know if I can. I mean, I don't know. If he tenses up around me…stops being close…I really value that. I'd rather have what we have now then waste it like that." He sighed. Relena smiled sympathetically.
"Do what you have to do. But if it gets worse and starts to hurt don't hold it in. Don't let being in the dark and afraid keep you back. Even if you're no longer as close, you will be closer for that one less secret and block between you. You may not think it, but that secret, you pulling away and keeping yourself pinned up, may put more space between you then telling him ever could." Relena stood up and brushed the last of the dirt off her skirt. "Think about that. In the mean time though, I have a weekend getaway to attend." She waved acknowledgement to Dorothy who was standing by the schools back door. "I hope you find what you need." She left him to mull over her words.
In the weeks after his encounter with Relena Duo continued to get less and less sleep. It seemed everything was pointing in the direction of telling Heero. Still, he couldn't do it. He had tried once walking back from lunch, but had almost immediately changed the topic of the sentence before Heero could even begin to guess its original drift. Heero probably was noticing something different. It seemed the harder Duo tried to be normal, the harder it was to appear so. He almost hoped calamity would strike. He thought of writing a will so his diary would be left to Heero. That way his feelings could be known and he wouldn't have to face the aftershock. He even went as far as writing a mock up of the darn thing. "In case of accident, or event where I am incapacitated, give Heero my diary and computer; the CD collection can be split between Cat and Trowa. Wufei and Cat get my books…etc" Duo stared at the list morbidly, and turned out the light to sleep. It was a long time coming.