10

He came into homeroom one morning early, it was a Tuesday and Heero was staying home with a flu he'd somehow caught. Duo wasn't feeling exactly well either, though some of it probably had to do with guilt. As stupid as it seemed he almost felt responsible for Heero's sickness, like he hadn't been protective enough. He yawned and collapsed in the corner of the room with the pillows and couch. Even if things were a little better his mind still kept him up. He was barely aware when another figure plopped down next to him.

"Hey wonder boy!" came a cheerful voice. Duo groaned,

"Do you have to be this perky this early in the morning?"

"Don't be grouchy, it's like I haven't seen you in ages." Hilde's face came into focus when he rubbed his eyes, "Ever since Halloween you've been a little out of it, and lately you spend all your time pushing Yuy around, you never get to hang out with your friends." She mocked a punch at his shoulder, "Forgetting all about us?" Duo paused mouth hanging slightly open. He had really forgotten them. His own inner struggles and then Heero's accident had shut down almost all of his life. Relena had kept up with him because they were working together, and Cat made and effort. Duo really had just dropped everything except for Heero. How had he let his priorities become so narrow? He shook his head, feeling the weight of a sever case of tunnel vision.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't realize how…"

"Oh don't be all depressed. What're friends for? I've come to get the dirty details of your vacation into Yuy land." Duo blinked.

"Huh?"

"Well, he's got something of a rep for being cold and quiet. Just look the way he ignored Relena all those years she was floundering about with her head- Anyway, you've actually spent time with him and seem to be good friends. Not even Cat could get quiet that far. What's he like. As good as he looks?"

"What!" Duo spluttered, misinterpreting her.

"Oh, that's not what I meant. I mean like in the personality sense. It's kind of hard to judge when he opens his mouth less then Trowa." Hilde leaned towards him. Duo was having a hard time keeping his brain in gear.

"Well, he has a sister. She's several years younger, very cute in a little kid sort of way. He hates cauliflower. He doesn't have a favorite color…maybe green if pressed about it. He reads a fair bit, likes historical novels, especially about battles n'stuff. He was a Matrix fanatic believe it or not. Has a few posters remaining in his room. Quotes and stuff too. He also really likes this stuff called anime. It's a Japanese thing I guess. It's really pretty cool some of it though we've only watched a small portion of his collection. His father spoke fluent Japanese he says. His mother's from Virginia originally, she even has the remainders of a southern accent. What else…" Duo pondered. Hilde was leaning back musing too.

"You know a lot about him. Who woulda thunk there's an actual person in there." She commented. Duo nodded absently,

"He's really good with computers, always knows how to fix stuff. He actually managed to hack the school server once."

"No kidding!" Hilde's eyes widened. "Lot's more then meets the eye."

"Yeah. There really is." His tone must have been to fond because Hilde's expression grew scrutinizing. She leaned in a devious look on her face.

"Sooo…what do you think of Mr. Perfect?" Duo shrugged not looking at her. Hilde grinned. "Hoo hoo. Do I sense a alternate purpose?"

"He's just my friend." Duo muttered. Hilde leaned back and put her hands on her hips.

"Geez laweez Duo Maxwell, do you think I'm blind? My brother is gay dear. Gayer then you could ever hope to be in your closet boy dreams. No sense hiding from me I can spot em a mile away, and I'm your friend. I pay attention to you, I care and when you start changing, maybe for the worse I'm gonna stick my head in and tell you you're not the only one." She pronounced.

"Do I really act like something's bugging me that much? Is it that obvious? First Relena, then you… What's with you guys. Does everybody know?" Duo groaned. Scooting over to him Hilde wrapped an arm around his shoulders grinning.

"Not everybody. Just those of us who care and are in tune with the relationship thing. Me, I swing both ways. I went out with Trowa's sister last year. You missed it, which is too bad. I think we were an uber cute couple. But we made better friends then girlfriends. We decided to just stay friends in the end. Now she's met some guy at her summer job with the circus. He's actually really cool." Hilde started rattling off about Catherine's boyfriend. Duo stared at his friend, her smiling face as she described the story of their first meeting. How many kids were like him? Had feelings like him? He felt a sense of wonder and happiness. He fit in somewhere. Even if they weren't visible, there was a community waiting for him if he just opened up. That community was his friends. Cat and Trowa, Hilde, Relena and Dorothy. All he had to do was stand up and say 'here I am'. They had done it. They were all happy. It hadn't worked out for Hilde and she and Catherine were still friends. They still got together and hung out. Catherine would mention at lunch how they had gone to a mall and speculated on who they would date. Duo hadn't thought about it deeply, but now he realized, he'd never really heard a specific pronoun used. He thought over a thousand little instances with his group of friends, ways something might be phrased. Sally calling Wufei on a slip of the tongue when her boyfriend referred to something as "gay", and if Sally didn't say it Cat certainly would. While he had seen how well his friends treated Cat and Trowa, he hadn't realized till just then how overall accepting they were. How so supportive they were, even if they didn't realize it.

Duo raised his head from his thoughts. Hilde had stopped talking. He looked at her searching. She smiled, squeezing her arm around his shoulders.

"You're not alone. Okay?" He nodded dumbly. "The first step to everything is opening up. Even if you don't want to say you've got a crush on someone specific, you can acknowledge you have a crush. You don't have to say "Look at me I'm gay!" Just be open. Hey, who am I to talk, for all I know you like girls too?"

Duo shrugged, "I dunno. I don't think so, not really ever that way, but you never know."

"My philosophy," she confided, "is that you love people, not genders." Duo thought that made a lot of sense. She leaned in closer, resting her head atop his. "You don't have to come out all at once, just be open and little by little ease into the water. That way you're not shocking anyone, you have time to get used to it, everybody else has time to get used to it. By the time you're all the way in it won't even matter anymore. And when you stick your toe in, if the water's really hot, you can jump straight back out and cause it's just your pinky, most of the water in the tub won't know the difference."

"You make very weird analogies." Duo pulled away a bit so they were sitting next to each other again.

"I suppose I do. You should hear my mother though, she compares dating to a buffet table. Actually I kinda like that analogy too. You have time to taste a little of everything and find which food you like best, and what you don't and that of course helps you make decisions when you go back for seconds." She stood up and stretched, eyes twinkling. "Anyhoo, by this conversation you already got a toe in. I'd advise acclimating, then moving forward inch by inch as you're comfortable. We're here with a safety inflatable device so you don't drown." Duo smiled.

"Thanks." He yawned again, almost at the same moment that their homeroom teacher walked in.

"Tired Maxwell?" He asked genially.

"No kidding, sometimes it feels as if I'll die from the amount of homework."

"Whatdya got?" The teacher asked as he arranged his desk. Duo started a tirade on the unfairness of Spanish. Hilde faded into the background to work on resetting the chessboard for the daily game.

Hilde's suggestion made sense. Cat, he was pretty sure, might suspect something too. He remembered the ambiguity of some of Cat's past comments and decided that he could be more open around those two. Wufei had been the one to get Trowa and Cat together and Sally certainly was very accepting. Catherine had gone out with Hilde, and Dorothy and Relena already were supporting him. The more he thought about it the more he realized the only person among his main circle of friends that he didn't know about was Heero. Heero was friends with Trowa, how un-accepting could he be? He decided to test the water a little. It was a Saturday and they were all going out to a movie. Trowa couldn't make it, but Cat, Hilde, Sally and Heero were going. Heero was now out of his wheel chair. Duo was glad. Even though they had been in more classes together this term; Duo liked not having to push his friend everywhere. He was sad they weren't together as much, but he really had been neglecting his other friends. Now he had time for Hilde and everyone else. He still hung out with Heero the most. From what Cat said, Duo suspected he was the closest friend Heero had ever had.

It had been Heero's idea to go to this movie. It was an anime film by some famous director. Duo didn't really know much about it, but Sally and Heero had both said it would be great. They met up for lunch before the show at a pho restaurant by the theater. Hilde had introduced them all to the wonders of pho. It was generally inexpensive for a good sized filling meal, and readily accessible to teenagers. After eating and paying they strolled to the theater eating the complimentary cream puff pastries. The theater was running two showings, one in English, and one in Japanese. Sally insisted they go to the Japanese one. Duo had noticed over his friendship with Heero and Cat he had picked up quite a knack for subtitles. That was probably because he watched subtitled movies so much now. He could even watch them on fast forward and be able to comprehend everything. They got their tickets and went to reserve seats. They were one of the first groups in the theater. There were a couple of girls a few rows down, leaning around a laptop computer. Heero went to get food and Sally and Cat went to talk to the girls, since she had noticed an image from a show she liked on the laptop screen.

"Was that a Kenshin fan art?" She asked.

Duo hung back unsure of what to do. Even if he watched the stuff it didn't mean he knew a lot about it. Eventually he gave up and joined them. Sally was deep in a conversation about downloading series from the web and Cat was rattling off shows he liked to one of the girls who would nod, shake her head know, or clap her hands and make happy noises depending on whether she knew and liked them or not. Duo decided to join in the conversation.

"Really, you've seen that too?" Cat was asking.

"Yup. Though I like the fandom much more. I'm a ficcer myself."

"Oh really what's your ship?"

"Well I'm an H/D person myself."

"Uh huh. I can see that. Not so much of a fan. But there's a heck of a lot of worse stuff out there."

"No kidding, have you seen the master ship list?"

"There is one?"

"Yup." Duo was lost.

"I'll have to find that. You know Yami no Matsuei?" Quatre asked the girl nodded and bounced.

"That was actually the first anime I ever bought." Cat grinned,

"Really, I just started watching it." Duo knew this show. He'd seen the first few episodes at Cat's house the day he got it.

"That's an interesting show." He put in. "I like the idea of shinigami. That was actually my nickname in middle school. I don't remember how I got it though. I read some of the manga of Yami though; it's pretty different, not at first, but later on."

The girl nodded, "I know. How far have you read?"

"I read up to about book 8 at the bookstore." Duo explained.

"It gets really weird, departing farther from the anime as it goes. Though I like it a lot it seems to be heading a bit of the way Gravi went. Gravitation you know? First four books are awesome, then around the fifth things start going nutziod, flying mech pandas and all."

"Really?" Cat asked, "I was actually thinking of reading that series, should I?"

"Oh, the anime's great, and I do like the books, just be prepared for slapstick craziness, it's not really a shojo comic."

"Huh. Funny how that works." Cat agreed, "guy stuff is girl stuff and girl stuff is guy stuff." Heero returned with popcorn and drinks. He deposited them on their seats and came down to join the crowd. More people were filing in now too. One of the girls jumped up and started waving. Three more people joined them, to adults and boy. They greeted each other and sat down. Sally was still rattling away about computers.

"I can't understand a word out of her mouth." Duo confessed. The girl they had been talking too grinned.

"I know exactly what you mean. I'm so computer illiterate, at least compared to these folks." They all chatted a bit more, by then the theater was truly filling up and they had to go take their seats. The lights dimmed and the movie began. As Heero predicted it was a very good movie.

After the movie, they all walked out into the brightness of the street, checking to make sure they had all their coats and bags.

"I really liked that movie." Duo stated. "It was actually pretty funny."

"Yeah, not only that but Howl was hot, if I do say so myself." Duo grinned,

"Not just you, I agree completely. Same thought was on my mind." Cat gave him a megawatt smile.

"Really now? Well it's nice to hear it's a shared opinion. Anyways I thought the part where…" Cat enthused about his favorite scenes and Sally nodded her agreement. Heero didn't say anything, but Hilde gave him a subtle wink.

After that, when the chance came Duo stated his opinions. He didn't say things overly much, but when he felt something he didn't keep it quiet. Relena noticed the change and pulled him aside one day to congratulate him. But really things were much the same. The one thing he never discussed was his feelings for Heero, and they were still there. Heero himself seemed to be reacting less, acting as he always had. Maybe more friendly, still letting Duo come over and study and eat dinner on the weekends, still hanging out with him between classes, but still oblivious and unresponsive when Duo made the slightest subtlest of gestures. That was probably the problem, he conceded, everything I do or say can easily be misconstrued as platonic and just friendly. But Duo was still afraid to take that step. He goofed around; ruffling Heero's hair, hugging the boy when he was unawares. Then again, Duo was very loving with everybody. "You are a cuddle bug." Cat had pronounced one afternoon when Duo had asked why it was pertinent for everybody to lie on top of him, as Sally, Hilde, and Cat had decided to do. "Do I make a good couch?" he had asked and Cat had simply answered "no you are a cuddle bug," much to the amusement of the girls.

Duo decided to ask Cat for advice. They were getting together for a weekend sleepover. Duo knew that Trowa would be out of town for the weekend and his other friends were occupied so he was guaranteed to have Cat for himself. He didn't know if he really wanted to ask, but other then Heero Cat was his best friend and he needed another brain to think on his predicament. After dinner they retreated up stairs. They watched a movie and chatted, all the while Duo was looking for the right time to say it, the right point to bring up his question. Finally silence fell. Then Duo didn't want to break it. He took a deep breath working up his nerve.

"So…" he breathed out, "you've probably figured out I'm gay." Cat nodded, his face going serious at the tone of Duo's statement.

"Well you see it's not just that, there's kind of someone I like." Cat nodded that he understood waiting for Duo to continue.

"And well, I guess I don't know what to do about it. You have a boyfriend, how the hell are you supposed to go about alerting someone and well…whatever?" Duo asked uncomfortably, his frustration putting more force to his voice then he'd anticipated. Cat propped his chin on his hands, thinking.

"Well, is this other person interested."

"Absolutely no fucking clue."

"Anyway you can get a clue?"

"Not this side of asking." Duo griped.

"Ah, there's the problem. And why don't you ask."

"Cause I care about them. I don't want to ruin our friendship." Cat nodded.

"I can understand that. Trowa and I didn't have to go through too much of that, but before Wufei knocked our heads together we certainly had similar problems."

"So what do I do?"

"Who is this elusive person?"

"Take a wild guess." Duo grumbled.

"Heero Yuy." Cat deadpanned.

"You knew?"

"Sorta. Just a guess. Yeah he's a tough case. I've been trying to figure out that guy for years. Can't say I've come up with much. Trowa would be the guy to talk to. Well there's no sign he's straight, but none he's gay either." Cat mused. "Hey isn't the dance coming up soon?"

"I'm not asking him out, what if he says no? And if I say as a friend, I mean, what good will that do? As friends we already do the going out thing."

"Oh?" Cat pried.

"Sure, we go out and get coffee, see movies. We went to Uwajamia and bought sashimi for dinner, stuff like that. There's a really great coffee house he introduced me to. They have the best muffins in the world."

"You sound like you're dating already."

"No we're normal friends. That's what friends do."

"Well, the only difference between friends and a date is that in one you're attracted to the person physically not just mentally, that and there's often an inordinate amount of staring in the other persons eyes and kissing."

"Exactly, we're not dating."

"So kiss him then." Duo growled and buried his head in his pillow.

"It's hopeless."

"Nothing's ever hopeless. We'll think of something." Duo just shook his head, Cat though was already planning.

In the next few weeks dance fever took over the school. All the girls were discussing dresses and couples were pairing off more.

"Their nesting," explained Hilde, "it's spring and everyone settles down and nests in the spring. That's why they have the main dance of the year now." In all the schools Duo had been to before, dances were ignored. Nobody actually danced, quite pointless. When he told this to Hilde she shook her head.

"We only have two dances a year and one's seniors only. The school realizes no one will dance so they time it just for the spring coupling rush. That way people will at least show up. If there's only one a year and it's at the right time people actually show up. No over saturation of the market. So on one dance of the year they make an effort. They send us to someplace with space and good floors for a dance. If we had a gym maybe we could have it actually in the school. There's actually a gym in the construction plans for the next five years when they do the remodel, who knows what'll happen then." Hilde leaned back in her chair, tossing a squishy ball she had found on one of the bookshelves. "Who are you going with?"

"I dunno. I wasn't actually planning on going. I like to dance, but all the dances I've been to were so lame I felt out of place dancing." Duo admitted.

"Well that certainly won't happen here. Who would you go with?"

"I dunno, I'd have to think. You?" Hilde grinned.

"It's a secret. Actually, not really since most people have heard already. I was asked by a senior. You know Chris?" Duo nodded slowly. He'd seen they guy in the hall, but didn't really know him.

"You know him?"

"Well, yeah actually. We live a few blocks from each other, and hang out sometimes during free periods I don't share with you guys. He bought a rat from me." Hilde smiled. Duo blinked. He remembered his recent discovery on finally going over to Hilde's house. Hilde ran a ratterie. She bred rats and sold them. He had thought the girl was all about mechanics, but apparently she knew more about rats than humanly possible.

"Anybody who loves em too is a potential boyfriend?" Duo questioned.

"You gotta set your priorities somehow." Hilde grinned. "The new litter actually came in this weekend. I don't know how you could have missed my happy theatrics. They're gorgeous little things."

"Which litter is this?"

"I named them all after characters from a science fiction series. You remember those Lois McMaster Bujold books I'm always reading?" Duo nodded. "Well we have Miles, and Cordelia, of course and…"

"Hilde, I haven't read the books." Duo reminded. Hilde sighed.

"You utterly strange boy. So…who are you going with?"

"Nobodies asked."

"You're a guy dear, it's usually assumed that you'll ask." Hilde rolled her eyes.

"What if…between Trowa and Quatre who would ask?"

"They don't have to it's a given they'll go together. I see you're problem though. Well, I'd just pluck up the courage and ask if I were you. But you could also go with a group, or double date if you don't want to ask so outright or whatever. A double date with Cat and Trowa would be a lot like going on a single date, with those two staring into each others eyes in the background the whole time." Hilde laughed. Duo smiled but it wasn't convinced. "Oh come on. It's not that bad. You can always go stag and then dance with everybody including that special someone. That's always a great trick too." That seemed like a good idea.

"Maybe I'll do that." Duo agreed.

The day of the dance approached. The girls were going on a mass dress shopping trip that weekend. The dance would be the next. Cat suggested that the guys get together and do something similar.

"It's not fair they should have all the fun. Sides I hate picking out suits and need someone who can do it for me." He said cheerfully over the phone. Duo agreed to meet up with everybody at the Downtown mall in a few hours.