Trapper yawned as he leaned back in his chair. Setting down his "gin", he lied down on his cot and began to doze off, unaware of the rather rude awakening that was headed his way via Hawkeye.

"HEY! TRAP! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!"

The younger man skidded into the tent, clutching a piece of paper and a couple books. Trapper bolted awake, yelping as he leapt about a foot in the air. Hawkeye grinned apologetically at him before speaking in a rather rushed, frantic voice.

"So, I was just walking across the compound from the latrine when I saw this huge flash! You know… Just like the ones that make Mary-Sues appear. Well, I went toward it, expecting to see another girl, but instead I found these." He somehow managed to say this in one breath. After motioning frantically to the paper and books, he continued, "I already read the note… It's from two girls who claim to be our biggest fans."

"Well, read it to me!" Trapper said crossly. He was not quite ready to forgive Hawkeye for awakening him ever-so-rudely.

"'Dear Poodle-Head and Hawky-Walky-Talky," Both men winced at the nicknames. "'We're writing to complain about the future. Practical jokers and regular pests seem to have gone extinct… At least in the original sense. Enclosed are books titled, "The Practical Joker's Hand Guide" and "101 Ways to Annoy People". As you will see, they suck eggs. In order to restore our faith in jokers and pests, we are extending this challenge. Write a book titled, "101 Ways to Annoy Ferret-Face" and set it by the latrine. We'll find it. You are being forced to do this. If you don't, we will send many, MANY Mary-Sues to haunt you.'" At this, Trapper gasped in horror. Hawkeye, having already read it, wasn't as shocked. "'If you still won't write it, we'll have you guys experience male-pregnancies.'" Once again, Trapper gasped. "'Oh yes… And please leave autographs by the book! We're your biggest fans!

Your Fan girls,

Sotto and JK'"

"Do we really have to?" Trapper whined.

"'PS: Yes.'"

"Can't we just leave the autographs?"

"'PPS: No.'"

"I thought male-pregnancies were physically impossible!"

"'PPPS: In the world of fanfiction, anything is possible.'"

"How are you doing this!"

"'PPPPS: We're fanfiction authors… NYAH!'"

Trapper grumbled angrily.

"'PPPPPS: Stop whining.'"

> > >

"Wow… They were right… These books DO suck…"

"MAGGOTS IN YOUR FOOD! That's just crude."

"Hmmm… Repeating everything someone else says… That's childish even to MY standards…"

"And yours happen to be very low."

"HEY!"

"Hey… Look at this… The "Rules of Practical Joking"…

1. Don't hurt anyone

2. Don't make a mess

3. Make lots of smiles"

"I think I'm gonna puke."

"You're not the only one."

Other comments such as these were exchanged until finally, the two were finished reading.

"I guess we'd better get started." Hawkeye said with a sigh as he set his book down.

"I guess we'd better…" Trapper agreed.

> > >

Hello, fellow practical joker and pest! Welcome to, "101 Ways to Annoy Ferret-Face"! In this book, we will show you numerous practical jokes and just plain pestering tips sure to bring a smile on anyone's face! Except for Ferret-Face, of course…

> > >

AN: Hi! Sotto here! I know I haven't posted anything in a while, mainly do to angstiness because took down Know Your Stars and Oprah Winfrey. JK may join up in later chapters and many of the ideas are hers. Please leave reviews for ideas for other numbers! I highly doubt we'll be able to come up with enough! The "Practical Joker's Hand Guide" is an actual book, and for all I know, so is "101 Ways to Annoy People". If people like this, we'll think of sequels for other characters, such as "101 Reasons that I Deserve a Section Eight"! What this basically is is that I'll put one way to annoy Frank and then a one-shot that involves them doing it. Most of the one-shots will be ridiculously short…

Enjoy!